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If you had asked middle-school-aged Tendou Satori what his dream was when he got to high school, he would’ve told you one thing:
To play volleyball the way he wanted to play.
He would’ve said that he wanted to use blocking not just as a way just stop the ball, but as a way to score. He wanted to revel in the look of defeat and despair on his opponents faces through the net as he used his monstrous intuition to block attempt after attempt at landing the ball on his side of the court. He wanted to crawl under their skin and get inside their heads with sharp comments and cutting words until they felt so lost, so vulnerable, so defeated that they couldn’t help but give up. He wanted to feel the rush of power that came playing his way, crushing his opponents until they felt suffocated by the weight of his presence, left to helplessly flail until he secured victory.
Yes, if you’d asked him, Tendou would tell you that that was his dream.
But what the redhead wouldn’t have told you about was another dream. A secret dream, one so fragile and delicate, it was held so close to his heart that he was sure he had never actually uttered it out loud.
Because to utter it out loud would be like admitting weakness.
It would be like admitting that being told he was too creepy to play with his middle school teammates had caused him to cry almost every night after practice, wondering what was so wrong with him.
It would be like admitting that hearing his teammates whisper how scary he was had made his stomach twist in knots with a sickening self-loathing that crept through his limbs like heavy cement.
It would be like admitting being called a monster had finally driven him to such a place of self-hate and deprecation that he had decided if they wanted a monster, they would get a monster.
It would be like admitting to a lot of things…but because Tendou would never admit any of that out loud, it would be like he never admitted to weakness.
So, because he would never admit to any kind of weakness that could be used against him, if you asked him, middle-school-aged Tendou Satori would’ve never admitted that his other dream, his secret, fragile, delicate dream that he held close to his heart, was that he wanted friends.
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The squeak of sneakers and the slam of volleyballs ricocheting off the floor echoed loudly in large gymnasium, an orchestra of sound that hit Tendou’s ears like a comforting melody. These sounds reminded him of how far he had come, how much he had achieved, how happy he was to be on the Shiratorizawa team.
When Washijo had interviewed him and told him that he could play however he wanted so long as he stopped more balls than he let in, Tendou had gone slack-jawed with surprise. He had never thought he’d have the opportunity to play his style without chastisement, his former coach’s harsh words and dismissive remarks forever seared in his brain. But here he was, his dream on a silver platter in front of him so long as he delivered.
And deliver he did.
He worked harder than he ever had before, staying late and arriving early, and by the end of his first year he had secured a spot on the starting lineup. Something else happened too, during his first year of high school.
He had made friends among his fellow first year teammates.
Real, true friends.
Sure, they might have thought he was a little odd or peculiar (he had to admit, he had only gotten more eccentric as he had gotten older) but when they called him names and teased him, it didn’t come from a place of contempt or disgust. No longer did he have to worry about their friendship being a long, elaborate ploy to play a prank on him, then laugh once he finally dropped his guard. They may still call him a monster like his middle school teammates before them, but when they said it, they had pride in their voices and
sharp, competitive grins on their faces.
When they said it, it made Tendou feel powerful.
All of Tendou Satori’s dreams, spoken and unspoken, had come true, and he couldn’t be happier.
Well, maybe he could be a little happier.
He was currently drenched in sweat, the warm spring weather making the gym stuffy and humid to the point of suffocation, especially considering how grueling their coach was running practice. The recent loss to Karasuno had been devastating, but this gym still felt like home and these people still felt like family, so Tendou (and the other thirds years) continued to show up to practices to help out the first and second years develop their skills. But with the way Washijo had them sprinting and running through drills, his disappointment with the loss practically palatable in the air, Tendou wondered if maybe he could talk the other third years into a skip day soon.
Contemplating how he could convince everyone into playing hookie, the redhead lifted the hem of his practice jersey to wipe sweat from his face, exposing his narrow hips and pale skin to the sticky air. As he dragged the fabric down his face, his eyes moved around the gym lazily before landing on the most common object of his wandering gaze whenever his focus was waning at practice.
The captain of the team and his best friend, Ushijima Wakatoshi.
The brunette was working on his spikes in a different section of the court. Ruby eyes took in the sight of his powerful muscles shifting in his arm to swing down, sending the ball careening over the net and across the wooden floor. Just before he landed, Tendou was able to catch a glimpse under his fluttering practice jersey, the hard lines of tan abs peeking out underneath before Tendou was loudly called up for his turn in the drill he was supposed to be paying attention to, and forcing him to pull his molten red gaze away.
Yes, all of middle-school-aged Tendou’s dreams had gloriously come true. He couldn’t possibly ask for more.
Right?
He knew that saying he was lucky to find friends like Reon, Semi, and Yamagata was an understatement. Reon, the voice of reason who would listen patiently before giving him earnest advice when he needed it. Yamagata, who would match his seemingly unparalleled energy and thirst for mischief. Semi, who gave just as good as he got when Tendou teased him and pushed his buttons just as mercilessly as Tendou did, but wouldn’t hesitate to tell someone to fuck off if he thought they were messing with the redhead. All of them had found special places in Tendou’s heart, proving time and time again that they were loyal and reliable, there when he needed them, and genuine in their friendship.
Then there was Ushijima. The seemingly stoic and unapproachable brunette had been the least expected friend out of everyone Tendou met. But they had hit if off the second they had met as roommates their first year, bonding instantly over their desire to play volleyball. While they didn’t have many other common interests, they had quickly grown on each other like a symbiotic pair; Ushijima indulging Tendou in his love of manga and anime (even if it was only for the ads), and Tendou listening patiently to the brunette talk about plants (he now even had a couple of his own on their shared window ledge thanks to his roommate’s help). They spent all their free time together: meals, studying, staying after practice when everyone else had gone home, and talking late into the night when they didn’t have early classes or practice the next day. The two had become inseparable during their years together at Shiratorizawa, and Tendou wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world.
If it had been luck that he’d found his other friends, then it was nothing short of a miracle that Tendou had found someone like Ushijima.
The final whistle blew and Tendou heaved a sigh of relief that he could finally take a break. From the corner of his eye, he watched Ushijima continue pound the ball over the net, showing no signs of letting up. Tendou inwardly groaned, wanting to take a shower and be on their way to dinner sooner rather than later, but he knew it was futile to coax the brunette away from volleyball. So instead, he walked languidly over to Ushijima’s side of the court, and wordlessly began retrieving the ace’s spikes and rolling them back over to him so they were within easy reach. After about a dozen or so additional hits, the captain landed with a huff, a small, almost unnoticeable smile on his face.
“Thank you, Tendou. Would you like to shower and make our way to dinner now?” The brunette asked, lifting his jersey momentarily to wipe at the sweat that had collected on his forehead.
Tendou’s ignored the way his heart speed up slightly as such a blatant reveal of the staggering 6’3 captain’s chest and abs, and forced his eyes to meet Ushijima’s immediately once they came back into view.
“No problem at all, Wakatoshi-kun. Gotta make sure you stay in tip top shape for those scouts coming to see you. But let’s hurry, I’m starving!” The redhead chirped, already bounding towards the locker room.
As they approached their respective lockers which were located right next to each other, Tendou rummaged around in his bag as he looked for a towel. After a few minutes of searching, he groaned and dropped his bag to the floor.
“I forgot my towel again!” He moaned, digging the heels of his hands into his closed eyes while he frustratedly tried to think if he should just suck it up and put his clothes on while he was still wet or wait to use the showers back in the dorms. This was at least the third time this month he had done this, and each time he had sworn it would be the last because of how inconvenient it made everything. He absolutely hated using the small, cramped single stall showers back at the dorms, but he knew putting his clothes on damp would be really uncomfortable.
He was spared the trouble of deciding though, when soft material rubbed against his hands and face, pulling him from his self-chastising thoughts. He opened his eyes to find Ushijima standing with a towel in each hand, one of which was extended out to him.
“I started packing an extra when I realized you kept forgetting yours.” The brunette said, like it was the only practical option given the circumstances.
Tendou tried to ignore the way his heart squeezed and his cheeks heated up slightly at the idea that his friend was so thoughtful towards him.
He’s just being nice, I’m sure he kept an extra for emergencies anyway.
Using that as rationale, he willed the color from his cheeks and grinned wildly at his friend.
“Thanks, Wakatoshi-kun! You’re a life saver.” He laughed, grabbing the towel, and making a beeline for the showers, Ushijima following close behind.
Once under the water, Tendou made it a point to not let his eyes wander anywhere they weren’t supposed to be. As teammates, everyone saw everyone’s everything, no matter how hard you tried to avoid it. But with just the two of them in here, everyone else having filed out a while ago, Tendou was especially careful to keep his wandering eyes to himself.
The last thing he wanted to do was make his friend uncomfortable.
Instead, the redhead lost himself in his own swirling thoughts, his mind replaying the previous few moments over on a loop. This wasn’t the first, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last, genuinely kind gesture from his friend that left him with something like butterflies in his stomach. But that was just how Ushijima was. Thoughtful. Sweet. Caring. And completely oblivious to how his actions sometimes came across. He was an amazing friend that Tendou was incredibly fortunate to have in his life, an almost unreal manifestation of a dream that Tendou had been sure was never going to come true. Tendou should be happy, no, overjoyed, in fact, that him and Ushijima had such an amazing friendship.
He couldn’t ask for more.
He didn’t have the right to ask for more.
The thought made Tendou’s heart clench for a second, closing his eyes under the water’s spray.
He did want more though, as selfish as it was. He knew he had no business even thinking about asking for more than what he already had in his life, because what he had exceeded all of his former self’s expectations. But here he was anyway, another dream that was budding in his heart, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
The redhead had been trying to convince himself since the middle of his second year when he realized his feelings for the brunette that he should just leave well enough alone, that he was perfectly content with the way things were. But then Ushijima would do something like he had done with the towel.
Like when he had picked up Tendou’s favorite snack at the school store because he’d known he’d needed cheering up after a difficult test.
Or like when he’d brought home soup on the day Tendou had missed practice because he was sick.
Or like when he’d picked Tendou up a random anime knick knack at a shop he’d passed by, simply “because it reminded me of you”.
And then Tendou would be left with his heart in his throat and a flush on his cheeks, unable to stop his heartbeat from racing loudly in his ears.
Yes, the redhead had it bad for his best friend, and he was one hundred percent smitten.
Still, the redhead tried to convince himself it didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t, right? It was an absolutely ridiculous notion that he couldn’t possibly entertain. Tendou was just reading into his friend’s actions, allowing them to make him feel a certain way when they were just the normal favors exchanged between friends. There was nothing the great miracle boy Ushijima Wakatoshi could see in him, and he was only going to get himself hurt if he deluded himself into thinking differently.
What could he possibly see in a creep like you?
A freak like you?
A monster like you?
Tendou tried to shake the intrusive thoughts away, the haunting echoes of taunts said to him over so many years that still followed him like his shadow. Yes, Tendou had made friends, and yes, he thought they genuinely care for him. He didn’t think they would play mean tricks or pranks on him or call him hurtful names like all the people before him. But no way in hell could the redhead actually convince himself that someone like Ushijima would want him as anything more than a friend.
The redhead lowered his head, allowing the water to run over him and plaster his hair to his face.
Even if I know he’ll never actually feel that way, it doesn’t help how I feel about him.
Tendou scrubbed his face, trying to stuff all his bubbling feelings beneath the surface. He huffed out a ragged breath before shaking the thought from his head. It didn’t matter how he felt about Ushijima because he would never, ever risk their friendship over some delusion that the brunette could ever feel anything for him. Ushijima deserved someone just as amazing, as beautiful, and breath-taking as he was. Not some creepy annoying ragamuffin who struggled to make friends and was more trouble than he was worth.
Tendou forced himself to finish showering promptly, lest they risk dinner ending before they got there. They dried off in a silence that wasn’t uncomfortable, the redhead coming out of his thoughts now that he was out from under the water. He gave a final dry to his face and hair, inhaling the smell of Ushijima’s towel without being obvious. The scent of pine and earth wafted to the redhead’s nose, and it smelled like home, like the comforting scent that surrounded their dorm room and reminded him so much of the brunette. He stuffed the towel in his bag once he was finished, promising Ushijima that he would wash it and give it back as soon as he did laundry. Ushijima assured him that there was no rush.
They made their way out of the locker room and gymnasium, making their way across campus towards the cafeteria.
Tendou, feeling more like himself than when he had been in the shower, was in the middle of regaling Ushijima with details about the latest anime he wanted watch once, when a small voice behind them interrupted his ramblings.
“Excuse me, Ushijima-san?”
The pair turned to find a girl, shorter than them but taller than most, standing with her hands clasped behind her. She had a faint blush on her face, her eyes flitting nervously from up at Ushijima to her shoes to back up again. The brunette, completely oblivious, just looked at her with a quizzical tilt to his head.
“Yes?”
The girl looked nervously from Tendou to Ushijima, then back at the ground as if summoning all her courage. She brought her arms to her front, revealing that she had a small envelope in her hand.
It was light pink and sealed with a heart sticker.
Without another word from the girl, Tendou knew what this was. His stomach flipped and his heartbeat was rushing in his ears, a ugly feeling suddenly crawling up the back of his throat that wanted to escape in the form of any words that would get this girl to leave immediately. But he swallowed it down, knowing he had no business asking her to leave.
Instead, forcing a smile on his face, he patted the brunette on the shoulder, giving her his sharpest grin.
“My dear Wakatoshi-kun, I believe this nice girl has something she’d like to say to you in private.” He said with a leer directed at the girl that was none too inviting, but not so off putting that his friend would catch on to his distaste. “I’ll meet up with you at the dinning hall.”
Before the brunette could respond, Tendou spun on his heel to leave, but not before taking one final look at the girl. If he didn’t despise her with every fiber of his being in that moment, he might have been able to admit that she was attractive. Very attractive. She had long dark hair and beautiful eyes. But that last second also allowed him to notice the shirt she had on under her jacket, and his stomach flipped a second time.
A volleyball jersey.
Well, what a perfect little match they’ll make.
Gritting his teeth before he said something foul, Tendou stalked away, forcing himself to leave slowly at what he hoped looked like a normal pace rather than the sprint he would have preferred. Once he was sure he was out of sight around the corner, though, he did break into a sprint, trying to outrun the tears that were suddenly prickling the corners of his eyes.
His breaths were coming out unevenly, and it had nothing to do with the fact that he was running. The beating of his heart was all he could hear, loud and daunting as he felt a lump forming in his throat.
Damn it.
He didn’t have the right to be reacting like this. Ushijima was free to talk to and date whoever he wanted. He could get love letters and confessions from anyone. So why did it hurt so much? Maybe before, even though Tendou knew he’d never be able to have the brunette romantically, part of him was satisfied with the idea of them just being best friends. Maybe it was enough for Tendou to take up all of Ushijima’s free time just as a friend because at least they were always together. The movie nights, the studying together, the bus trips sharing seats and rooms, eating meals together and waking to and from practice…it had felt like almost enough.
But this girl, with her silky hair and soft looking skin, who played volleyball and was tall and gorgeous, was suddenly a threat to all of that. Tendou hated her, hated her passionately and more intensely than any opponent, any bully he had ever met. This was a black searing hate that threatened to choke him. He didn’t even know why he hated her so much until his mind supplied him with the reason, like a poisonous whisper in his ear.
Because she has a real shot at what you’ll never have.
He stopped running finally, the back of the dining hall just barely in view, putting his hands on his knees while he tried to catch his breath and stop the ache in his heart. His whole chest felt like it was on fire, like he was painfully burning up from the inside out. He didn’t even realize the tears threatening to spill over had finally run down his cheeks until he saw the wet marks they left on the pavement below his bent over form. The redhead reached up, wiping them away with the back of his hand, trying to keep a lid on the sobs that were threatening to follow. His breath hiccupped dangerously a few times, wet and pathetic sounding, but he managed to settle it back into just a quiet crying.
He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d cried like this, not even when they’d lost…
Tendou was suddenly aware that with the season officially over, him and Ushijima wouldn’t get to spend all their time together as best friends for much longer. He realized, as a sob actually manage to crawl up of the back of his throat this time, that if it wasn’t this girl, it would just be the next girl or the next. They were both eighteen now, and graduation was only a few months away. Soon they’d be on different tracks of life and Ushijima would definitely find someone who made him happy. Some nice girl who would know about volleyball and plants, who wouldn’t be as loud or annoying as he was, someone who fit like a perfect puzzle piece into Ushijima’s life.
And where would Tendou be? Alone…alone again, just like before, only now he knew, knew what he’d been missing out for all those years. The comfort and warmth that came with having people in his life who cared for him, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to go back. Not to the way things were before…
Not to the way things were before his friends.
Not to the way things were before Ushijima.
The redhead managed to get some semblance of his breathing under control, even though he still felt like he was going to throw up as his stomach lurched. He decided dinner wasn’t what he wanted anymore, and instead he started making his way towards the dorms. If he was lucky, he’d be able to pass out before Ushijima got back and push off knowing what happened for another few hours. The idea of finding out that Ushijima had accepted the girl’s confession made him feel dizzy, but he tried to push the thought away until he found out for sure.
By the time he got back to their dorm, Tendou felt hollow and exhausted. He didn’t even bother turning on the lights, just threw his bag in the corner and crawled into the top bunk under the covers. Part of him was worried that he wouldn’t be able to sleep, but thankfully he was able to find relief from his swirling vortex of thoughts the second his head hit the pillow.
He slept dreamlessly, but it didn’t last long when not even an hour later the lights in the dorm turned on, flashing brightly. The redhead groaned, rolling closer to the wall as a means of blocking out the light with his shoulder.
“Tendou? I didn’t see you at the dining hall. Are you feeling alright?”
Suddenly Tendou was thrown back into his thoughts from earlier, the memories of what had happened flooding his conscious as the short reprieve that sleep had offered him vanished.
Managing to sit up while keeping his emotions tightly locked away, he schooled his features into what he hoped resembled his normal grin.
“Sorry, Wakatoshi-kun, I think I got a little nauseous after practice. Probably the heat.” He said quietly while waving his hand dismissively as he turned, meeting the brunette’s gaze
which caused his heart to squeeze at the concerned look he saw there.
Don’t look at me like that, please.
“I wasn’t sure, so I brought you back some things from the cafeteria just in case.” Ushijima said, holding up a small bag with what looking like some of his favorite snacks in it.
Tendou felt a crack in the façade was trying to uphold but tried to keep it together anyway.
“Thanks.” He said, voice just a hair on the side of cracking.
“Do you want anything to eat now, or would you like me to put it away?” The brunette asked.
Before the redhead could answer, though, his stomach growled loudly, and he blushed as a sheepish grin spread across his face.
“I guess I could eat something.” He said.
Climbing down from his top bunk, Ushijima passed him the bag of snacks he collected. Some fruit, a wrapped sandwich, and some pudding cups were inside. Tendou looked back up at Ushijima, who was looking at him as if making sure he had gotten the right things. Like he didn’t know Tendou preferred bananas to apples because they were so much more consistent in taste, or like he didn’t know Tendou’s favorite sandwich was PB&J, or like he didn’t know Tendou liked to eat three pudding cups after dinner because he liked the sugar rush.
“Thanks, Wakatoshi-kun. You’re the best.” Tendou said, the grin he gave his best friend completely genuine.
Ushijima nodded, turning to set the rest of his things down. As he did though, Tendou caught site of the pink envelope sticking out of his pocket. His stomach was quickly starting to roll again but he forced the feeling down. Instead, he grabbed the banana out of the bag and began unpeeling and eating it, working up the courage to ask the question that he wasn’t sure he wanted the answer to.
As he watched the brunette get settled in for the night, Ushijima sat down on his bottom bunk, the envelope making a crinkling sound as he did so. He reached down and pulled it from his pocket, looking at it like he had just remembered it existed.
“That girl asked me on a date.” He said suddenly, envelope still in hand.
Tendou nearly choked.
He wheezed for a moment; thankful he’d been eating something as soft as a banana. Ushijima looked at him with concern again and made a move to get up to help, but Tendou waved him away. He continued to cough, though, his throat adjusting as he tried to get air back into his lungs.
“Oh yeah?” He asked, hoping the coughing made him sound less interested or desperate than he was. “What did you say?”
“I told her no.” The brunette replied, tossing the unopened letter in the garbage bin next to his bed.
Tendou heart skipped a beat, his previous struggle to breathe completely forgotten. Relief flooded his body, muscles relaxing that he didn’t even realized he’d tensed. A small smile broke out on his face before he could help himself. This was perfect, nothing had to change, at least for right now, and Tendou could go on just enjoying his time with Ushijima—
“I told her I already liked someone else.”
Oh.
Oh.
“Oh.”
The redhead couldn’t help the small noise escape his lips, like the release of air someone makes when they’re punched in the stomach. Because that was what this suddenly felt like: someone had just punched Tendou so hard that his whole world had just shifted on its axis. The roaring of blood in his ears returned with a vengeance, and Tendou was sure Ushijima could hear his heartbeat from where he was sitting on his bunk, staring at him with some kind of look on his face that Tendou didn’t recognize. It looked like he was waiting for something.
Because a good friend would ask him who he liked.
But the words were stuck in his throat, choking him. He tried again to tell his muddled, over-emotional brain that he still had no business reacting like this, but that did nothing to help the way his stomach flipped.
“Tendou?” The brunette asked, concern replacing the waiting look that had been on his face a moment before.
The redhead tried to clear his throat, which seemed to still be trying to close up on him despite his best efforts, and managed to cough into his elbow to try and save face.
“Well?” He asked, aiming for his normal tone and only missing it a little. The next words were like glass in his throat, razors on his tongue, but he forced them out anyway, begging his voice to not betray him.
“Who’s the lucky girl?”
Ushijima was silent for a moment, still looking at Tendou with concern, but it was different than before. Tendou realized that the brunette was fiddling with his hands, a nervous trait he almost never did.
“It’s not…it’s someone you know.” Ushijima admitted after a moment’s hesitation, like he had suddenly changed his mind at the last second. His eyes darted to his hands and back up again to meet Tendou’s ruby gaze, almost seeming embarrassed. As the redhead mentally catalogued every girl within their class, as well as the ones from any other classes he could remember, he felt a scowl pulling at his lips when he realized none of them were good enough or deserving enough of being Ushijima’s crush. But the brunette seemed to think the scowl was directed at him and aimed his gaze down at his shoes, and suddenly a new feeling wove itself around Tendou’s heart.
Guilt.
Ushijima was sitting before him, trying to talk about his love life and confess about his crush, maybe even thinking of asking him for advice, and Tendou realized he was coming across like a jackass. His attempt to come across disinterested was being completely misinterpreted by the brunette for the wrong reasons, making him think he didn’t care. He was supposed to be Ushijima’s best friend, he should be excited and encouraging about this for him, offering his ear and any words of wisdom he could muster to support his friend.
Swallowing the remaining lump in his throat and putting on the best fake smile in his repertoire, the redhead sat down beside his best friend on the bottom bunk, preparing himself for the worst.
“Someone I know?” Tendou repeated with a huff that might’ve been passable as a laugh if you weren’t listening too closely. “Our class is pretty big, Wakatoshi-kun, you’ll have to be more specific.” He said, throwing an arm around his friend and giving him a shake.
From this close, Tendou could make out the blush just hiding beneath the surface of Ushijima’s tan skin, and for a moment he allowed himself a genuine smile at seeing his friend so bashful about his crush.
He looks cute with a blush on his cheeks like that.
“They…uh, they play volleyball.” Ushijima added, still not meeting Tendou’s eyes.
The girl from before in the volleyball jersey popped into Tendou’s mind, but he dismissed it immediately since Ushijima had already rejected her. He tried to think about who he knew was on the women’s team but had a hard time pairing names to faces.
“What position to they play?” The redhead asked, trying to sound casual while he attempted to wrap his head around who could’ve possibly captured his best friend’s attention enough for him to develop a crush. As far as Tendou knew, the girls’ team wasn’t even that good, nor did they have any individually impressive players. Whenever he had thought about it, he had always pictured Ushijima with someone just as athletic as he was.
“Middle blocker,” The brunette responded, daring a look at Tendou’s face as if gauging his reaction.
Tendou felt as stab in his chest at the idea of Ushijima liking a girl that played his position, but he tried to keep the envy off his face and instead keep his grin.
“Oh ho, you’ve got good taste, us middle blockers are quite the catch.” The redhead joked, giving the brunette another playful jostle.
“Well, I can’t for the life of me think of any of the middle blockers’ names on the girl’s team,” Tendou said after a moment. “So just describe her to me and I’ll tell you if I’ve seen her before.”
“Tall, kind of lanky,” Ushijima said slowly, his eyes now focused intently on Tendou as if his response was critical. “Red eyes…and hair.”
Three seconds.
Tendou didn’t understand for all of three seconds.
Three seconds because that was how long it took him to realize, while he may not be familiar with the girls’ team, he knew for a fact there were no other redheads in the school, let alone on the girls’ team.
Which could only mean one thing…
Tendou deflated, his heart feeling heavy as a stone, and retracted his arm from around Ushijima.
“That’s not a very funny joke, Waka-kun,” He barely managed to breathe out, eyes falling to the floor as his throat felt like it was going to suffocate him.
A prank. Just a prank, that’s all this was. Honestly, he should be relieved because now it meant Ushijima doesn’t actually like anyone. Things got to stay the way they were because Ushijima was just playing a little joke on him. Still, his heart ached in the most painful of ways, and he couldn’t remember the last time he felt like this…
Expect maybe he could.
His mind supplied him with memories of when the kids from middle school used to dare each other to try to befriend him, a dare for only the bravest of souls because only the brave could stand to be near a monster. They would hang out with him all day, pretending to be interested in the things he liked, only to yank their friendship away once Tendou started to get his hopes up.
Ushijima probably didn’t even mean it, he has a hard time with jokes and sarcasm sometimes, Tendou knew, it was probably just a botched attempt at something he didn’t realize would hurt Tendou so much, cutting him right to the core in the worst ways because God, what Tendou wouldn’t give for it to be true
“Tendou,” Ushijima’s voice was quiet, almost scared sounding as his large calloused hand cupped Tendou’s cheek and forced his ruby eyes to meet olive depths.
“Why are you crying?”
Tendou reached a shaky hand up to his other cheek, completely surprised when it came away wet. A broken, pitiful laugh escaped his throat that was choked off by a sob.
“I-I’m sorry, Waka-kun. J-just…just a bad memory is all.” He stuttered around the lump in his throat. “Your joke just reminded me of something I thought I’d gotten over.” Tendou admitted, trying to control the shaking in his shoulders. Now that the damn was broken, his tears flowed freely against his wishes, running down his cheeks to drip onto his lap below.
He managed another broken laugh, hoping he wasn’t coming off as pathetic as he felt, and tried to pull away from Ushijima’s grasp. But the brunette held firm.
“Tendou, I was not making a joke.” He said, mouth set in a firm line and his brows furrowed, as if he couldn’t quite understand what’s going on.
Tendou was silent, the cogs and wheels in his brain turning, but not getting any nearer to a processing what the brunette just said.
“What?” He asked dumbly, feeling like his head was suddenly full of cotton.
“I was not making a joke.” Ushijima repeated more forcefully. He stared into the uncomprehending eyes of the redhead before him.
“The person I like is you, Tendou. I like you.”
Tendou continued to stare at him stupidly.
All mental functions have ceased.
“Like…like as in friends?” His tragically uncomprehending brain offered.
Ushijima huffed, like he was becoming frustrated, and brought his other hand up, both hands now holding Tendou’s face tenderly, like he was something precious.
“Yes, like friends, but also more than friends.” He said slowly, as if talking to a child. “I like you in a romantic way.”
Another few seconds passed before Tendou’s emotionally exhausted brain could attempt to fire the correct neurons that controlled his processing speed.
“Me?” Tendou confirmed, weakly pointing at himself as his brain slowly began to catch up to what was happening.
Ushijima nodded.
The redhead blinked slowly a few times, letting everything sink in.
“But…why?” He asked finally.
Ushijima looked at him curiously, as if he didn’t understand the question at first. His lips twitched, trying to decide what to say but not sure where to begin.
“Tendou, I think you are amazing.” He said finally. “I think you are one of the most genuine, caring, and unapologetically authentic people I have ever met. I feel a sense of peace when I’m with you, like you accept all of me for me with no expectations. When I’m with you, I feel whole.” Ushijima’s thumbs brushed lightly over Tendou’s cheeks, a gentle caress.
The brunette’s cheeks turned a little pink before he said the next few words.
“I also think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen."
Silence hung between them.
“If you do not feel the same, I understand. I just wanted to confess before—”
The brunette was knocked over by the sheer force of Tendou hurling himself at his friend. Ushijima landed on his back with a quiet oof, looking up at the redhead who was now above him. He moved his hands, which had fallen from Tendou’s cheeks to his shoulders in all the commotion, and placed them on the redhead’s hips instead, which were now straddling the brunette’s waist.
“You really mean it?” Tendou asked again, eyes sharp and still holding a bit of skepticism.
Ushijima just smiled back at him, rubbing small circles with his thumbs on the redhead’s hips.
“I do.”
Tendou surged forward, slotting their mouths together before he could take it back. He felt lighter than air, his heart beating wildly as Ushijima kissed him back, the grip he had on the redhead’s hips tightening. Ushijima’s words were playing on loop in his head, bouncing around until Tendou was sure he could repeat them by heart.
Genuine.
Caring.
Amazing.
Beautiful.
The redhead swept his tongue tentatively over the brunette’s lips and teeth before curling around his tongue, relishing in the way Ushijima was panting into his mouth. He wanted to sear this feeling, this moment, into his brain for the rest of his life.
Our first kiss.
The thought set an unquenchable fire alight underneath Tendou’s skin, his veins buzzing with a mix of lust and elation. He felt like he was high, floating through clouds in a dreamlike haze because this couldn’t possibly happening, right?
No way had Ushijima Wakatoshi confessed to him.
In no conceivable universe did Wakatoshi think he was beautiful.
If it was a dream, Tendou hoped he was dead because he never wanted to wake up from it.
Still, he wanted to savor this dream, immediately committing the inside of Ushijima’s mouth to memory as he explored. At one point, Tendou buried his hands in brown locks, giving a tug which resulted in the man beneath him groaning, rutting up and grinding their hips together, causing Tendou to break apart from their kiss and moan.
Leaning over Ushijima, Tendou took a moment to look down at the gorgeous flush that had bloomed on tan cheeks, green irises starting to be swallowed by black. He gently pressed his forehead to Ushijima’s, both of them breathing a little more harshly than they had been a few minutes ago.
“Am I dreaming?” He asked, his eyes closed.
Ushijima chuckled.
“No, you are not.” The brunette said, brushing some hair out of Tendou’s face and tucking it behind his ear.
“That’s exactly what dream-Wakatoshi would say.” Tendou said with a grin as he opened his eyes to smile down at his best friend.
The ace looked up at him with what Tendou could only label as adoration in his eyes.
“Does this mean you’ll be my boyfriend?” Ushijima asked.
Boyfriend.
Tendou absolutely beamed.
“Of course, Waka-kun. That would be a dream come true.”
Ushijima smiled back at him, reaching up and pulling him down for another kiss. Tendou let himself be guided down, wrapping his arms around the brunette’s neck and burying his hands in Ushijima’s hair again. The brunette’s hands quickly began to wander, moving from Tendou’s hips to teasing under the hem of his shirt, callused finger tips rough against the redhead’s soft skin as the disappeared beneath the fabric. They left a trail of fire behind them, Tendou arching into the touch and gasping into Ushijima’s mouth when his thumbs brushed against his nipples.
“’Toshi,” He whined.
Ushijima pulled back, scanning the redhead’s face, as if he just realized what they were doing.
“Satori,” He rumbled, voice already sounded fucked out, and Tendou’s eyes fluttered at hearing his name said like that. “We do not have to do anything else right now, there is no pressure. We can wait if that would make you more comfortable.”
“And if I don’t want to wait?” The redhead challenged as he ground their crotches together again, pulling a groan from the other man.
“I am willing to give you whatever you want, Satori,” Ushijima said, scratching his blunt nails down Tendou’s side, who arched into the touch like a cat.
“I want everything.” Tendou said with a wicked grin.
Ushijima grinned back, a predatory look on his face that Tendou had only ever seen on the court. But now he had a glint of something else in his eyes too, a hunger that was steadily raising Tendou’s body temperature.
Before he could think about it anymore, the brunette had flipped their positions, and suddenly Tendou was caged in by strong, tan arms, his heart beat racing as he looked up at Ushijima.
“Then let me take care of you.” The ace promised, voice like gravel as he dove back in to capture the redhead’s lips. The kisses were hot and wet, and soon the redhead was melting underneath him, dizzy from both the lack of air and how happy he was.
Ushijima sat back for only a moment, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it to the side, allowing Tendou to stare unabashedly at him for the first time. Of course he had caught glances here and there, but now he could look and touch, and he didn’t want to waste a second. He leaned up to run his hands over Ushijima’s strong shoulders, his fingers skating down his chest with the intention of tracing the divots of his abs. On the way down he brushed against the brunette’s pert nipples, the other man shuddering from the touch. Tendou filed that information away for later, quickly distracted when Ushijima tugged on his shirt too, asking a silent question.
Tendou nodded, and they both moved to remove the offending garment, Ushijima easing him back on the bed to kiss and nip as his neck and chest. The captain’s fingers honed in on Tendou’s nipples again, rubbing, pinching and twisting until Tendou was whining beneath him, back arching. The brunette kissed and bit his neck while his hands were busy, the dual sensations driving the redhead crazy. Ushijima switched focus between sides, each touch sending sparks of pleasure down Tendou’s spine all the way to his toes.
“Toshi, please,” He whimpered, hips jutting up in any attempt to get friction.
Tendou could feel the brunette grin against his neck, pressing one more kiss to his pulse point before moving only slightly lower so now his mouth was attached to the redhead’s chest. Just as Tendou was about to protest, a strong hand gripped him through his gym shorts, and he moaned wantonly.
“Oh- oh god, Wakatoshi, please, more!” He whined, biting into his knuckles to stifle the noise. But Ushijima quickly pulled it away, pressing his hand firmly into the bed.
“I like hearing you beg.”
All blood immediately vacated the rest of Tendou’s body to rush straight for his cock at hearing Ushijima talk like that. It twitched while still in the brunette’s hand, who took notice and smiled sharply at Tendou.
“Do you like when I talk like that?” He asked, giving a firm tug to Tendou’s clothed erection, the redhead mewling as he nodded.
Ushijima finally moved lower, leaving Tendou’s nipples pink, puffy, and spit-slick. He reached the redhead’s shorts, planting a small kiss on his navel just above the fabric, as if waiting permission.
“Please, Waka-kun,” The redhead begged, already lifting his hips.
“So pretty when you beg, Satori,” His name rolled off Ushijima’s lips like silk.
With a swift tug, Tendou was completely bare, his cock springing free to the warm air of their dorm room. Ushijima tossed his shorts to the side before reaching forward to grip Tendou’s length, giving it a few strokes before licking from base to tip and suckling the head.
“Wakatoshi!” Tendou cried, assaulted by both the feeling and the image Ushijima made as he continued to give kitten licks up and down the redhead’s cock. He was sure he’d never see anything hotter in his life and was trying desperately to keep his eyes open so he didn’t miss anything when Ushijima swallowed him down to the root.
Tendou only just managed to keep his hips from bucking up into that tight, wet heat; mostly because Ushijima moved his hands and now had his hips pinned to the mattress. The brunette swallowed around him, and more broken noises spilled from the redhead’s lips.
“Toshi, Toshi, god, you feel so good!” Tendou cried, completely at the ace’s mercy as he bobbed his head up and down, pulling off just enough to swirl his tongue around the head before swallowing down again.
Tendou fisted the sheets, then, thinking better of it, buried them Ushijima’s hair. To the delight of every wet dream the redhead had ever had prior, Ushijima grabbed his hand and began to bob his head, using his own hand to lead him.
“Yeah?” Tendou confirmed, tightening his grip.
Ushijima hummed affirmatively with his mouth full. Tentatively, Tendou began to pull him up and down by his hair, speeding up gradually when Ushijima made no complaints. The sparks of pleasure continued to run up Tendou’s spine, but the prickles of something else was tickling the back of his neck. A static kind of rush that was making him feel almost drunk. It wasn’t until Ushijima opened his eyes, olive irises nearly encompassed in black, tears threatening to spill over while he had a mouth full of Tendou’s cock that the redhead realized what it was.
Power.
It was a rush of power unlike anything Tendou had ever experienced.
There was something intoxicating about the Ace of Shiratorizawa, a 6’3 powerhouse player that terrified everyone in their league, who dominated on the court in a way that seldom could, completely giving up control and allowing Tendou to fuck his face as he pleased. That power rush was better than any blocked spike or scored point Tendou had ever experienced in his life. Because those things had to be taken by force. Tendou had to bend others to his will to claim those things for himself, working until he pried them from opponents’ wretched hands.
But here Ushijima was, laying himself before the redhead, giving him that power.
Tendou didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve any of this. But he’d be damned before he’d look a gift horse like this in the mouth.
Between the heady feeling of power and the soft, wet heat of Ushijima’s mouth, Tendou was quickly feeling his pleasure beginning to mount. At one point the brunette moaned with his mouth full, the vibrations causing heat to coil in the redhead’s stomach. Part of him wanted desperately to come like this, cock buried in Ushijima’s throat while those beautiful green eyes looked up at him, but a larger part of him wanted something more.
With all the self-control he could muster, Tendou pulled the brunette off him, bringing him up into a bruising kiss.
“That mouth is absolutely sinful, Wakatoshi-kun.” He mumbled into the ace’s mouth. “But I’d rather come on your cock.” Tendou said, voice low while he nipped Ushijima’s bottom lip.
The brunette groaned before pulling away, digging around in his bedside table before he returned with lube and condoms. He resettled himself between the redhead’s long pale legs, uncapping the lube and warming it between his fingers. Ushijima began kissing along Tendou’s inner thigh as his finger ghosted over the redhead’s entrance. He paused for a moment before looking up.
“You’re sure?” He asked, voice betraying just a bit of nervousness.
Tendou reached out and cupped the brunette’s cheek, smiling at him softly.
“Never been more sure of anything in my life.”
Ushijima smiled back, eyes warm and caring, before turning to kiss along the pale expanse of skin before him to distract the redhead as he pressed the first finger inside him.
Tendou inhaled sharply, but quickly relaxed as the brunette’s kisses became wetter and were intermittently replaced with bites. Something buzzed under Tendou’s skin, a mixture of anticipation and lust that was causing his head to fog in pleasure, and he soon found himself grinding his hips down to meet Ushijima’s finger.
“’Toshi, ngh, more, please!”
Not to disappoint, Ushijima added another finger, scissoring them a few times before pressing deep and making a come hither motion that suddenly had the redhead bucking his hips and whining.
“Wahh- Wakatoshi!” Tendou cried, quickly covering his mouth to hide how loud he was being. But just like before, Ushijima pulled the hand away, kissing the palm before pressing it into the bed.
“I thought I told you I want to hear you.” He nipped at the redhead’s hip while he curled his fingers again, causing Tendou to shudder with another whine. “Don’t make me have to tie your hands up.”
The mental image made Tendou moan and his cock twitch, a bead of precum leaking from the head. The thought of Ushijima tying him up and using him however he wanted was making the redhead feel hot all over, but before he could get too lost in the daydream, Ushijima was sneaking another finger inside him, wet sounds filling the dorm room along with Tendou’s cries and mewls.
“Please, please, please, I’m ready!” Tendou begged after a few more minutes, biting his lip when he caught the brunette’s eye, hoping he would take pity on him.
“Tell me what you want, Satori,” Ushijima demanded, his fingers continually pumping, causing the redhead to see stars.
“Y-You, ngh, ohhhh, I want you!”
“What do you want from me? Be specific,” The brunette taunted, a small grin on his face that Tendou couldn’t decide if he wanted to kiss or smack off his face.
“Ohh, T-Toshi, fuck, you’re a sa-haah- a sadist!” Tendou cried. “I want you to fuck me, Wakatoshi.” He began to babble. “Want to come on your cock, want you to make me moan your name, oh fuck, want you to fuck me so hard I can walk for days. Toshi, please I want—”
Ushijima quickly pulled his fingers out and sat back, Tendou whining at the loss and empty feeling, and hastily moved to remove his boxers. Tendou watched as he revealed what he’d only gotten glimpses of in the locker room, and never had the brunette been this hard, to the point that Tendou could see the head was shiny with precum. It made Tendou flush to think that Ushijima had gotten just as worked up as he had, even if his face didn’t look like it. But Tendou didn’t have too long to stare because the brunette quickly rolled a condom on himself and covered it in lube before leaning back down to line the head up with Tendou’s entrance.
Ushijima reached up and gently swept some of Tendou’s hair off his forehead and tucked it around his ear, the rest of the red strands spread out on the pillow beneath him like a ruby halo. Ushijima leaned down to press a kiss to the redhead’s forehead, and Tendou’s resulting blush ran from his cheeks to his ears, the redhead trying to bury his face in his shoulder.
“Waka-kun!” He whined, both endeared and embarrassed, the gesture feeling incredibly intimate.
But Ushijima just cupped Tendou’s cheek, pulling him back until they were facing each other and kissed him. It wasn’t as hot or rushed as the previous kisses, this one was slow and held as much meaning as the brunette could convey. That kiss filled Tendou’s chest with a pleasant warmth until his lips quirked up into a smile. Ushijima pulled back with a matching smile pulling at his lips.
The brunette began to ease himself in slowly, pausing every now and then to make sure Tendou was okay. The stretch was a lot but as Ushijima continued to press deeper into him, the redhead was overcome with how deliciously full he felt. When they finally were pressed flush against each other, they both moaned, Ushijima leaning down to capture the redhead in another kiss.
“Toshi,” Tendou panted into his mouth. “Move!”
Not needing to be told twice, the brunette pulled out until the head remained, then slammed back in. He set a punishing pace instantly, and Tendou was loving it if any of his whines and moans meant anything. If he thought his skin had felt like it was on fire before, then this was an inferno. Ushijima was filling him perfectly, and he knew he’d be ruined for anyone else forever.
“Nghh, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Tendou moaned, using the last remaining bit of self-control he had to not cover his mouth or he knew he’d face Ushijima’s consequences. But without the cover, he couldn’t help the string of nonsense that tumbled from his mouth.
“God, fuck, Toshi, so good, you fill me up so good, baby.”
“D-don’t s-stop, please,”
“Ju-uhhh just like that, baby."
Ushijima continued to fuck into him, hands gripping his hips so hard Tendou was sure there would be small finger sized bruises on his pale skin. The idea of being marked up, of everyone knowing he belonged to the ace, was almost enough to tip him over the edge.
“Cl-close, Toshi, please, I’m so close.” He begged, not even sure was he was begging for, just knowing that he needed it.
But the brunette, as promised, took care of him. Ushijima changed the angle of his hips slightly before snapping his hip punishingly, resulting in a wail from the redhead as he pounded into his prostate. Tendou gripped the sheets so tightly he thought they would tear, the new angle and speed causing his pleasure to finally crest. Throwing him over the edge of his orgasm as his vision whited out and his muscles clenched, he painted his own stomach white with his release.
Lost in his pleasure, Tendou wasn’t even aware as his hole clamped down around Ushijima, milking him through his own orgasm as the brunette came with roar before pulling out collapsing beside him.
For a second, the only sound in their dorm was that of their heavy breathing, the both of them laying on their backs and staring up at the bottom of Tendou’s top bunk as they tried to catch their breaths. After a moment, Ushijima sat up wordlessly and got off of the bed, disappearing into the small bathroom they had in their dorm.
Suddenly, Tendou felt the reality of everything crashing into him.
Ushijima Wakatoshi had confessed to him.
And now they were boyfriends.
And they’d just had sex.
What did I just do?
Still staring at the top bunk, Tendou wondered if he’d suffered a head trauma at practice, and this was just the resulting hallucination his poor, love-sick brain had concocted because there was no way this was actually happening to him. No way had he been so lucky to have everything he ever wanted just fall into his lap. The other shoe would have to drop eventually and when it did the fallout would be massive, and he’d be left crushed and alone just like before.
Thought of graduation and post-graduation began to swirl in Tendou’s head. Ushijima was being scouted by some of the best teams in the world, and Tendou didn’t even know what he wanted to do yet once he graduated. Something culinary related, he knew, but nothing was set in stone. How was he supposed to compare or keep up with someone like his miracle boy? Worse yet, what if their relationship ended up hindering the brunette in some way? The redhead would never be able to forgive himself if something like that happened…
The sound of their bathroom door opening didn’t pull him from his thoughts, Ushijima approaching, after having removed the condom, with a washcloth in his hand to wipe down the redhead. The brunette paused though when he noticed it looked like Tendou had tears in his eyes.
“Satori?” He asked softly, kneeling beside the bed.
Tendou turned his head and smiled at Ushijima, but as he did the tears finally overflowed and ran down his cheeks. Ushijima reached out gently and used his thumb to wipe the tears away.
“I’m sorry if I did something to upset you,” A look of pure distress on the brunette face. “I thought I was doing okay—”
Bolting upright, Tendou leaned over, his tears forgotten in his haste to reassure the ace that he hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Waka-kun, you didn’t do anything to upset me. That was amazing, and I loved every second of it.”
Ushijima looked at him skeptically.
“Then why are you crying?”
Tendou sighed, eyes drifting to the side for a moment before pulling back up to look back at Ushijima.
“I’m scared, ‘Toshi. I feel like I suddenly have everything I’ve ever wanted, and it scares me because I’ve never been this happy but I feel like I don’t deserve any of it! The volleyball, my friends, you, it all just feels like luck that every dream I’ve ever had has come true. What if I do something wrong? What if…” The redhead sniffled, trying not to let the crying turn into sobs. “What if you realize I’m not good enough and this was all a mistake?
Ushijima wrapped his arms around Tendou’s shoulders, pulling him closer until his head rested on his shoulder. The brunette tilted his head so his lips were right next to Tendou’s ear.
“Satori, you worked and earned all of those things, luck had nothing to do with it. You practiced to get better and earned your spot. You’re a good and loyal friend to the people who care about you. And you’ve been my best friend since we were first years. You took the time to get to know me and coax me out of my shell. You were never pushy or frustrated that I didn’t talk a lot. I think you’re amazing, and being around you is where I always want to be.”
Ushijima pressed a soft kiss to Tendou’s hairline.
“I’ll never realize you weren’t good enough or think you were a mistake, Satori. You’ve always been more than enough.”
Tendou pulled back, looking at the brunette, searching his eyes for any hints of insincerity and found none. Maybe he was right. Maybe it wasn’t luck, and it was because of himself that these things had happened to him. Maybe it wasn’t fate just dumping good fortune into his lap on a whim, but the effort he had put forth, reaping what he’d sown. The thought made him feel better, like he suddenly had more control over the situation and it wouldn’t just be pulled away from him at a moment’s notice.
If he was a good player, he could keep playing.
If he was a good friend, he would keep his friends.
If he was a good boyfriend, he’d never lose Ushijima.
Tendou finally gave his boyfriend a small but relieved smile, reaching up to wipe the now drying tears from his cheeks.
“Thanks, Wakatoshi.”
The brunette smiled back at him, giving him a quick kiss.
“Here, let me wipe you down.”
They finished cleaning up quickly, then fell back into the bottom bunk together in a tangle of limbs. The beds weren’t made for two oversized athletes, but they eventually made it work with Ushijima pressed against Tendou’s back. He pressed another kiss to the top of Tendou’s head.
“Good night, Satori.”
“Night, Waka-kun.”
The redhead fell under the surface of consciousness easily, and dreamed of nothing, because he already had everything he could’ve ever wanted.