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The very first time he said it, it had just started snowing.
They were sitting outside on a park bench after sunset. Both of them looked around, pleased with the sudden change in weather. Masaki turned to say something to Touya and froze. It was like his eyes were gleaming and turning more blue with each flake that fell from the sky. Those clear, crystal eyes staring up at the sky with a joy he had never witnessed in them before stole every bit of Masaki's breath away. His gaze traveled over each piece of jagged and smooth skin that made up every delicate feature of Touya's face. Ragged and charred skin met the creamy, unblemished skin of Touya’s cheeks seamlessly. Masaki's eyes traveled over every piece of jewelry that sat on the others’ face. Rolling over the silhouette of his eyebrows, the arch of his nose, and finally the gentle curve of the others lips as snow continued to fall, sending Masaki into a trance.
"I love you," he exhales quietly.
Touya turned, face engulfed by the gentle lights above them and adding to the soft glow in his eyes. He swore his heart stopped beating as their gazes met. Touya seemed to be searching his face for something. Whether he got what he was looking for or not, went unanswered in the soft kiss that landed on his lips just seconds later, shocking his heart back to life.
The second time he said it, Masaki and Touya had been cooking. Masaki had grabbed the spatula with leftover cake mix on it, with intent to share with Touya. Only, he forgot how close they were and smeared cake batter over the other's nose. He gasped before breaking into giggles.
“You little shit-” Touya laughed with his tone that promised vengeance.
“W-wait! It was an accident Touy-” Masaki didn’t get the chance to finish before flour was thrown towards him.
“Oh. My. God. Touya!!” He hollered before throwing some flour at Touya. Thus began their impromptu food fight. After a little bit both of them were laughing. Masaki leaned on Touya, hands gently grasping the others' upper arms.
“Look at my kitchen! It’s a mess!” Masa spoke with a tinge of laughter.
“Maybe you shouldn’t start something if you don’t want to deal with the consequences of said actions,” Touya chuckled.
“Smart-ass,” Masaki replied with a small smack to Touya’s arm.
“Yeah, but I’m your smart-ass, Masa,” Masa looked up at Touya with happiness written across his face.
“Everybody has their faults,” He laughs as he moves away from Touya to grab a clean dishcloth.
“Now that’s just mean!” the other pouted. Masaki just chuckled at Touya. The pout grew bigger.
“Oh, come on you big baby,” Masaki said as he moved closer to Touya. “I love you,” He continued, giving Touya a kiss on the cheek. “If you stop pouting and help me clean, I’ll let you get the first piece of cake once it’s ready,”
“...and cuddles?” Touya murmured. Masaki threw his head back to laugh.
“Yes, and cuddles,” Touya brightened up and started to help Masaki as promised.
The third time he told the other he loved him, he was covering him with a blanket. Touya had arrived at his apartment shortly after dinner, looking exhausted. Masaki gave him a warm plate of food, found some clothes for the other to change into, and directed him to the bathroom. The other exited the bathroom from a cloud of steam. Masaki smiled at the other from his spot on the floor. He patted the couch cushion.
“Come sit, relax while I finish some paperwork I couldn’t do in the office, I won’t be long, okay?” he murmured to Touya. Touya nodded in response before plopping on the couch. Masaki chuckled before focusing on his papers once more.
Half an hour later he was piling the papers in the manila folder as he stood to put them on his kitchen counter. Turning back towards the other occupant he finally noticed the soft snores filling the air. He smiled softly as he walked towards a closet with extra blankets. He grabbed the softest one he owned before returning to Touya’s side.
Masaki gently placed the blanket over Touya, making sure he was properly covered. He stared at the other for a moment.
“I love you, sleep well,” He whispered before he placed a soft kiss on Touya's forehead. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
He made his rounds, turning off all the lights except for one before heading to his bedroom.
The final time he said I love you, tears streamed down his face. In the quiet hum of his apartment, he held onto Touya’s jacket with everything he had.
“Please,” He croaked. “Touya we can talk about this-” His heartbeat thundered in his ears. It felt like it was about to be smashed into a million pieces.
“No. This thing we’ve got going on… It’s over. It never should’ve gotten this far in the first place,” Touya replied apathetically as he tried to tug himself free and walked towards the door of Masa’s apartment.
“You- You don’t mean that! What is that bastard planning?! What’s got you so scared!?” Masa yells. He won’t let him just walk away. Not after everything they’ve been through.
“Scared? Who said anything about being scared,” The other replied as he turned to glare down his nose at Masaki. “I’m just getting rid of my extra baggage,”
It felt like a knife had embedded itself in his chest. Touya couldn’t mean this- He would never-
The tears fell faster, his hand losing its grip and coming to clutch at his shirt.
“Next time we meet, we’ll be nothing more than enemies,” Touya uttered as he finally made it to the door. He swung it open, not caring if it slammed against the wall in the tense silence.
“I don’t care what they think, I don’t care if I lose my license,” Masaki replied, eyes closing as he hung his head. “I love you, Touya. I will always love you .” He looked back at the other, watching him stand still in the doorway. “I’ll still be here… even if we have to fight on the battlefield. Your status doesn’t matter, it has never mattered!”
There was no response as the door closed behind Touya. He crumpled to the floor, anguish rolling through his veins. His forehead met the cool flooring of his apartment while his arms wrapped around himself. Mourning for the person he called home.
Out in the hallway, Touya stared at the closed door, listening to the other fall apart.
“I love you too, Masaki,” He murmured, wishing for once he could let out tears that didn’t exist. He finally took the steps that would lead him away from the homely apartment he’s grown used to and to a war he was beginning to wish didn’t need to happen.