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English
Series:
Part 1 of No One is a Vampire or Slayer
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AnnaRow Collection
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Published:
2021-07-10
Completed:
2021-12-10
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82,793
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16/16
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Ian is Not a Vampire Slayer

Summary:

Ian feels useless when his family goes to stop a group of vampires, he uses his night to get laid instead. However, when a run-in with a local vampire throws him for a loop, Ian has to reconcile this unstoppable force causing him to get friendlier with the man than he ever would have expected.

Notes:

Written for Day 2 of Gallavich Week 2021 - Prompt: Fantasy AU
I’ve read a lot of vampire fucking in my days, and my first ever writing venture was a vampire attempt. I was a young Buffy fanfiction reader so this story is going to deal with sex among the non-living, sex we should not hold to our human standards, and possibly (depending on who you are, I guess) weird shit. You have been warned. Inspired by Heart Don’t Lie by Nautibitz, a prolific BTVS fanfiction writer.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Don't Kill a Boy on the First Date

Chapter Text

“We’re sure they said it’s tonight?” Fiona asked, pacing the Gallagher house living room floor, hands on her hips, hoping she could once again dominate them out of this situation. 

“It’s tonight,” Lip said once again, holding up the napkin he had been referencing. “I was at The Alibi and overheard people talking about it. A family of vampires is planning major bloodshed.” Lip tossed the napkin onto the table in front of him from his position on the couch.

“And we didn’t know about this until today?” Fiona, the Vampire Slayer, was not amused by the sudden weight now on her shoulders. Another week. Another bloodshed.

“Fuck, Fi! It was an overheard conversation in a bar. We’re lucky we found out about this when we did.”

Ian, Debbie, and Carl stood awkwardly as their oldest brother and sister worked through this new information. They had been dealing with Fiona’s ‘calling’ as the one and only Slayer since she was 16 years old, and now, 7 years later, the good fight against the forces of darkness had become the main focus in their home and had overtaken their lives entirely. 

Lip adapted quickly as the brains of the operation, handling all things books and strategy. Fiona, all brawn, was the star of the show, and over the years, Debbie and Carl became the scrappy ones. They knew nothing else but this life. No hesitation, no shame, nothing would stop them from killing anything they could with anything they could find. Ian, however, had struggled to find his place in the little white hat gang like the rest of them. He remembered what life was like before this. Normal. Friends, school… a future. He wasn’t as bright as Lip, as strong as Fiona, or as shameless as Debbie and Carl. Instead, he stood by often with a first-aid kit, able to slay a vampire or two and hoping to not become another thing needing to be saved. To say his lack of usefulness had hit his self-esteem hard was an understatement, especially after having to drop out of high school. 

“How on earth have we overlooked an entire family of vampires? We have tabs on all the major and minor ones in the Chicago area. I refuse to believe an entire group has been under our radar for 7 years.”

“Maybe they live underground or something.” Debbie chimed in. “Coming up to the surface for the first time in decades?” It was an option. They often forgot about the ghouls that lived just beneath their feet. 

“Well…” Fiona sighed. There was no use in resisting what was inevitable. “Let’s welcome them back with open arms, yeah?” She walked over to her weapon’s chest and began to toss weapons out onto the floor. 

“Actually I…” Ian began, and every head turned to him. “Listen, Fi… I’ve…what if I sit this one out?”

Fiona’s jaw dropped a bit. “Ian… we always do this as a family.”

“Yeah… and as much as I love helping with the one or two vampires I can manage on my own, it rarely makes a dent, and… I need a break… I know we all do, but—”

“No, no…” Fiona didn’t want to make him explain, Ian had been in his own head for a while now, and it hadn’t gone unnoticed by the entire family. Murmurs were expected when he left the room, each Gallagher trying to suss out how to help their brother. “You do a lot, Ian. If you want to sit this one out, I get it.” When she trained, he was the best spotter and often was there to critique her form. He even planned most of her workouts. He carried his weight even if he didn’t believe so. “You want to sit around here all night then?” 

‘I’ll go out. Have a drink….”

“Get fucked.” Lip chimed in, and Ian rolled his eyes. 

Fiona wasn’t going to argue with him, she loved her little brother, but he didn’t exactly inherit the scrappy gene like Debbie and Carl or the research gene like Lip. He was sweet and gentle and kind. His bout in ROTC ended when he still wasn’t much help against the vampires and demons after years of training. 

“Have fun… but if it looks like the world is ending, come find us.”


Another big bad threat that Fiona and his siblings would snuff out at the last minute saving the world and everyone in it. Been there. Done that. Ian wouldn’t say that he resented his family, no. He simply wished that he had been born into another without as much burden of the world’s balance of good and evil on its shoulders. He had spent almost every day since he was 12 years old helping research or plan, or organize weapons, and after 7 years, he was exhausted and over it. He wanted to be like ordinary people; people who went out and drank and met friends without his sister having to do a vamp check beforehand. What were the odds that tonight would be actual major bloodshed anyways, right? 

He wanted to go out, get drunk, hook up, feel something. Day after day, what they did, the things they saw, it was getting harder and harder for Ian to connect to the world of the living. Ian walked through the club’s doors, one he had been forbidden from attending by his sister for the nefarious activities that occurred there. Though, what those activities were, he was never told. As he looked around the darkened club, red and blue lights illuminating the space, he couldn’t help but notice it was filled with a mix of young college students and tourists, far from the suspicious place he had imagined in his mind. Of course, being his sister’s brother, he did have a wooden stake concealed in the waistband of his pants. Despite the momentary rebellion and his need to feel alive, he wasn’t an idiot. 

Music pumped through the club as the band on stage played a cover of the Goo Goo Dolls. Groups of kids gathered around pool tables to bet their meal plan allowances while a few young women sat at the bar ordering drinks they hoped they wouldn’t be carded for. It all seemed freakishly… normal. Ian found a seat at the bar and ordered himself a Jack Daniels and Coke before fishing out his fake ID and presenting it to the bartender. He took a sip before scanning the room and the people in it. Past the sweaty bodies dancing and the young couples making out in darkened corners, his eyes landed on a pool table. A few college students looked on nervously as a guy who looked like a young Pierce Brosnan seemed to be sweating as he held his pool cue. 

A wad of cash sat on the rim of the table while another man, one looking much more confident, took his shot, successfully finishing the game by sinking the 8 ball. The young college student groaned in frustration, his fisted hand coming up to his forehead as he realized how much money he lost. The other man, a brunet with eyes so bright Ian could see them from where he was sitting, snatched up the cash and smirked. 

“Better luck next time, yeah?” The brunet tossed his stick down and sauntered up to the bar, throwing down a few bills towards the bartender. He was cute, Ian had to admit. His dark hair beautifully complemented his pale skin, and his blue eyes were magnetizing. Just as the bartender set a drink down in front of the man, he noticed Ian staring and cocked an eyebrow. Their eyes met briefly, and Ian felt the strangest jolt rush through him.

“Interested in a round?” The man made himself comfortable on a barstool before taking a drink. 

“A round?” Ian asked, pulled out of his daze. The other man smirked before nodding towards the pool table. “Oh… no. Sorry. A little too rich for my blood.” Ian was nervous, this guy was hot and confident, and something about him made Ian’s chest light up. 

“Ah… got humble blood, then?” The man reached into his back pocket and pulled out a crumpled pack of smokes before sliding a cigarette between his lips. “Mickey.” he nodded, his eyes lingering on Ian a little longer than he would have expected for an uninterested stranger at the bar. 

“Ian.” Underneath the bar, Ian wiped his sweaty palms against his jeans. Why was this guy making him so anxious? He was just some guy who liked to con college students out of their money. No better than the people he knew down at the Alibi.

“So which school you go to, Ian?” Mickey’s eyes raked over the redhead making Ian’s heartbeat just a bit faster, and as if the man knew it, he chuckled to himself. 

“No school… I uh… help my sister with the family business.”

Mickey’s brows scrunched a bit. “No school? So you’re from out of town.”

Ian’s head shook, “Nah… local.”

No one came to this club unless they were from out of town or a college kid, and yet here was this fine redhead sat in front of him. Interesting. So he was trouble or looking for trouble. 

“Mhmm…” Mickey acknowledged with a nod, turning his attention back to his drink. Something about this guy was irking Mickey, and he couldn’t put a finger on it. He could smell whatever cologne Ian was wearing from just a few seats away, and fuck if it didn’t smell good, making his mouth water and something light up inside of him. Maybe he had eaten something bad earlier in the night. 

Soon a blond man approached Mickey, setting a handful of cash down on the bar. 

“J.D. is a pussy. He doesn’t know how to play. Let me take a shot.”

Perfect, a pissing contest, Mickey’s favorite. Of course, a girl was standing only feet away, with large breasts and long dark hair. Obviously, this was a show for her. 

“You got it.”

Ian watched as Mickey tossed his drink back and, snatching the cash, he stood and made his way back to the pool table. It was a mere few feet of distance but fuck if it didn’t make his gut ache just a little. He watched meticulously as the brunet racked the table and bent over to take the first shot. Ian let his eyes drift over the man’s ass, enjoying the view. It was far from sneaky because just as Mickey stood, the man looked over his shoulder, making eye contact with Ian. He quickly tried to advert his eyes, make it look like he was looking elsewhere, but it probably made him look more guilty.

Jesus Christ, Ian. Get it together. It’s a random dude you met at a bar, said 3 words to. Ian let out a breath and ordered another drink before distancing himself from the view of the hot billiard player whose ass was now engraved in his mind. Something in his gut twisted as he made his way up a staircase to a small second-floor overlooking the bottom. A smaller bar sat up there with chairs and lounges for people sick of the dancing and who wanted to get away from the band. Ian liked this place well enough, still not understanding his sister’s aversion.

His eyes scanned the people below. People full of life, joy, exciting drama, futures… something Ian didn’t have. By proxy, his life belonged to some ancient order. It was hard finishing high school when you were hyper-aware of how little it meant. How the subsequent end of the world could make it all meaningless. How minuscule human systems were and how vulnerable they all were day to day. Try learning about photosynthesis while thinking about the math teacher killed by a vampire 3 nights earlier. He envied these people. He wanted to be one of them. They didn’t have to get an accelerated-course GED all because he missed too much school due to dumb shit like saving the world. Ian finished his drink before ordering another. He found it comfortable here. Everyone here just seemed so human… or at least that was what he thought. 

By the time the band finished playing, and the new one started, his eyes lingered back to the pool table only to find it unoccupied. It was jarring for a moment as he wondered where the man from the bar had gone to. However, Ian felt him before he heard him, and soon the brunet man was next to him. 

“What do you see when you look at them?” His voice. It was silky and smooth, and it caressed him in just the right way. 

“Happiness,” Ian concluded quickly. “They’re free… living their lives….”

“Vulnerable… unsuspecting—”

“Lucky.”

Mickey knew this guy was different. Something in him was not like the humans in the club. Something about him sparked and crackled like electricity, and Mickey had sensed it immediately. “Is human life luck?”

“Being able to live at all is all I could ever want.”

Mickey eyed the sullen redhead, his gut tugging at him to reach out and touch him, but Mickey was no fool, something was up with this one, and he suspected if he gave in to the urges, he’d be ruined. 

“What are you?” Mickey finally asked, voice uncharacteristically low and quiet. Whatever energy or magic was radiating off of this man made Mickey nervous, and he wondered why others weren’t reacting to it. 

“I’m… nothing.” Nothing. He was nothing. He was a lowly human pulled into his supernatural sister’s obligation and poorly at that. He was bait. He was collateral. He was at risk. Ian was nothing

Mickey, on the other hand, had to disagree. Ian was something. He could feel the magic around him, the crackling energy that felt dangerous. Whatever it was that made that jolt of electricity rush through him when their eyes met. 

“What do you see when you look at them?” Ian asked, eyes on the man next to him, the one who felt intoxicating and confident. 

“Cattle.” Mickey shrugged, “Crowds, ushered in, ushered out, new ones the next day, in and out. They are nothing.”

Ian’s eyes remained locked on Mickey’s, almost not even by choice. His fingers itching to just reach out and… but he couldn’t. He learned early that any unstoppable seeming feelings around supernaturals meant he was soon to be a victim. 

“What are you….” Ian finally asked, wanting an answer that gave him permission to flirt, to long, to indulge. 

He watched the man swallow a lump in his throat as he seemed to consider before finally shrugging, “I’m… “ How did Mickey find himself here? Standing next to someone, contemplating human existence, categorizing himself, this isn’t what he did. He conned, he killed, he tormented, Mickey didn’t do… this. But whoever this was, whatever he was… it was making him feel a part of himself that he was sure had been dead for decades. A taste of humanity… contemplation… being. This man was dangerous. “I’m fucked.” Truth. He was. He knew it when he was alive, and now that he was dead, he knew it even more deeply. 

Ian eyed Mickey. He was interesting. Dangerous, mysterious… tortured. He opened his mouth to respond when a drunk woman bumped into him, causing him to push against the brunet, and once their bodies touched, the most overwhelming sensation overcame both of them. Mickey felt like he had touched life and death itself. The overwhelming feeling coursing through them, making them both feel faint. 

“The fuck?” Ian pulled away, looking at Mickey like he was a demonic force about to pull him down into the underworld. Mickey’s hands came up, a sign of surrender. What was that? Heads spinning, the two men looked at each other suspiciously before realizing the other was just as confused. Ian cautiously took a step forward, carefully reaching a hand out and touching the man’s arm. The surge of energy that rushed through his body felt good, warm, and imbued with power. 

“Holy shit,” Ian mumbled wide-eyed as he looked at the other man, who looked just as bewildered. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Mickey said in confusion and panic, indicating for the redhead to follow him. Ian was powerless to argue, and instead, he followed the man through crowds of people, and sweaty dancers as thumping techno music rattled the club. They walked into a darkened hallway, and when Mickey tried a knob, and it didn’t budge, the man forced it, breaking the lock and pushing open the door to a storage room. He held it open, cocking his brows impatiently as he waited for the redhead to walk in. Finally, the door closed, Mickey rounded the man. 

“What the fuck are you?” It was panicked and accusatory. 

Ian’s hands came up. “I told you, I’m nothing. I—”

“What the fuck was that?” Mickey didn’t know what this was, but nothing about it was okay. 

“It’s new to me too… I came here for a drink, okay?”

Mickey took a deep unneeded breath before cautiously reaching out, his tattooed finger just barely brushing against the man’s neck. He felt it, the surge of energy, it was overwhelming, and it made his eyes shutter close. Ian followed suit, bringing his hand to the man’s cheek and feeling him, letting the sensation rush through him. Mickey’s body felt human. He felt life coursing through him. His body was alive. 

“Touch me more.” He choked out, and Ian, without thinking twice, leaned in, bringing their lips together in an electrifying kiss. Sparks flew, and energy coursed through them, waking up every cell in their bodies. Ian grabbed at the man’s hips, needing more, wanting him closer, the kiss deepening as his tongue plunged past his lips. Mickey was right there with him, meeting every pull Ian gave. It was then Ian noted how oddly cooler Mickey’s skin felt beneath his hands than it should of. The intense sensations before distracting him from this fact. Fuck. He was a vampire, wasn’t he? His mind wanted to panic, to tell him to run, to get away… these were monsters, after all, ones he had been raised to kill… but also every cell in his body was begging for more. 

Could these feelings be trusted? No. Was there something weird and possibly evil going on here? Most likely. Fuck if Ian didn’t care. The world could end after all, right? Wasn’t that the truth they constantly were aware of?

Mickey’s hands began grabbing at Ian’s pants, unbuttoning and unzipping, pushing them down, his lips now becoming more hungry and needy against the redhead’s. They both froze when they heard the clank of a wooden stake hitting the cement floor. Both eyes caught its fall, but Ian simply kicked it away. 

In response, Mickey freed Ian’s hardening cock from his boxers and gave it a few strokes. “You top?” he asked breathlessly. Whatever this was between them, Mickey wanted to feel it fully, explore this insanity that was both frightening, threatening, and oddly alluring. 

Ian almost groaned at the question, head tilting back with a smirk. “Fuck yeah.”

Reaching into his back pocket, Mickey pulled out a small tube of lube. After a few hours of tormenting the human tourists, it wasn’t uncommon for him to celebrate the evening with a fuck at one of the local demon bars. Squeezing a dollop into his hand, Mickey stroked the redhead, smiling impressively as he fully hardened in his hand. 

Ian tried to withhold his groans as he took the man’s hips in his hands turned him around, as the vampire in front of him made quick work of his pants. 

“Do you have a uh…” Ian was 19 and yet asking for a condom still seemed like an incredibly awkward question.

“Don’t need it,” Mickey informed as he pushed his pants down, Ian’s hand on his shoulder pushing him over. He was a vampire after all, and it wasn’t as if anything sexually transmitted could survive within him. He felt Ian began to probe at him with his fingers, and he shook his head again. “Don’t. You going to fuck me, or what?”

Whatever, Ian thought. Whatever. At this point, this man could tell him a pineapple was a reasonable third, and he wouldn’t question it. Positioning himself, Ian pushed into the man slowly, eliciting an approving groan from the brunet. Fuck, this was weird. Good weird. He saw stars behind his eyes. The feeling he felt from touching him was there but different. It went from crackly and electric to causing Ian to feel an insatiable heat in his gut, which was odd considering how cool it was inside of the guy. 

Ian gripped the man’s hips tighter and began to move slowly at first, but Mickey beneath him was eager and making these noises that turned Ian on more and more. He began to move faster, creating a rough and rugged rhythm with the other man. Their bodies moving together, Ian finding himself leaning over him simply in an attempt to see more ways that their bodies could connect. 

Mickey was sure he was going to be engulfed in flames from the inside out, the mirid of sensations the man behind him was causing. He swore he could feel his heart beat due to how alive his body felt. He typically demanded the hardest, roughest sex he could get, but this was doing the trick. He could feel this for all that it was, and it was good. Was he close? Mickey couldn’t tell. He couldn’t pick out one intense feeling from another, the entirely of it overwhelming his brain and his nerves. He felt his face shift in and out of vampire mode multiple times, but at this moment, he had no ability to control it, much less monitor it. Thankful his face was hidden as to not spook whatever type of being was behind him. 

Ian gripped his shoulder tightly, head thrown back, gasps and groans, and other noises that sounded inhuman coming from him. Whatever this was, who cared? Would this end the world? It felt like it would. Was this some old form of magic? It had to have been because Ian was willing to die right then and there for it. His entire body felt on fire, and without little warning, he felt the man beneath him begin to shake, and in response, Ian’s hips hit harder and harder until, eventually, he came. However, if he thought he’d feel instant relief, he was wrong. His body buzzed and tingled, and he came down from it slowly, exasperated, still gripping the creature beneath him who seemed to struggle to gain his own composure. 

Whatever that was. It wasn’t normal. It wasn’t human. It wasn’t vampyric. It was something else. Something that put fear into both of them. After a moment to gain rational thinking, the two scrambled away from each other. The look in both of their eyes said it all. What. The. Fuck. Ian knew if the demon in front of him looked spooked, something was indeed wrong. Mickey pulled up his pants hurriedly, Ian following suit. His eyes locked on the redhead. 

Unsure of what to do or what to say, Ian said the first euphoric-addled thing to come to him, “No Apocalypse tonight.”

And as if he remembered something for the first time all night, Mickey’s eyes widened. “Fuck!” With that, the man sprinted out of the storage closet, leaving Ian standing.


Ian walked home, the residual energy from whatever had happened to him still tingling on the surface of his skin. He had never felt anything like that before… he had never slept with anything non-human before… not that he could tell anyone. Creature fucking was considered the lowest of the low right there with beastiality in the eyes of the fighters of good. Why hadn’t Mickey tried to kill him? Wasn’t that what vampires did? The one-tracked mind of death and destruction? 

Walking into his home, he found his siblings there looking bored and unamused. 

“The fuckers never showed.” Fiona informed the redhead, “I even wore my good leather pants.” She grumbled as she finished putting away her weapons. 

“Another day goes on.” Lip mused as he drank his beer. 

It was then Ian wondered about Mickey’s reaction to his mention of the event. Was he supposed to be there? Was he from this super secret vampire family? Had Ian’s dick saved lives? It was a fleeting thought, one that was quickly replaced with a replay of the night he had had. One he’d remember forever. One that made him feel alive for the first time in years.