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Dear Eddy,
I thought about this during our livestream for your Sibelius drop. It’s actually the only thing running in my head at this point. The idea seemed quite stupid at first, but it began to touch my heart the more it stayed in my mind. Call it some kind of cathartic release so it doesn’t seem so cheesy.
But, anyway, I am going to start writing letters to you everyday. I don’t know when I’ll give any of my letters nor do I know if I will ever give them. The only important thing is that I get to immortalize our memories through ink and paper. I’ll probably read these when things go rough and I need to remember how it feels to be happy. (Or when we’re standing in front of a certain altar. Heh.)
I actually don’t know how formal I should be with these. Do I even have to be formal? Maybe not. That’d be too hard for me. I’ll probably start all my letters with a straightforward explanation of what happened. (Or stall for so long you’d stop reading before you get to the actual body.) It’ll be too difficult for me to contain my words and emotions just for the sake of formality — for a letter I’ll probably be too cowardly to give.
Anyway, back to the actual letter, today was your Sibelius drop.
We, most especially you, went through so much for this moment to be the best there was. I’ll never forget all those times I had to somehow adjust my height just so I could hold you as comfort. The tears you shed due to stress and anxiety are still marked on my palms, but I’m so glad I was there to wipe them away for you. I’ve told you this before and I’ll tell you again for an infinite amount of times. You did so great. Like always and forever.
Whenever I would glance at you, I could feel myself fall for you all over again. I know it’s unlikely for me to say things like this, but I suppose there’s nothing I can do about it as it’s really how I feel. Anyway, I felt so complete just from looking at you, Eddy. It’s such a strange yet amazing thing to experience. To share so much with someone to the point where you’d feel complete just by being with them.
You did so much for me when it was my Tchaikovsky drop, and I cannot thank you enough. I really hope I was able to return the favor, because I want you to be happy with anything you do. I want you to feel the same love you gave to me. I want you to know that I love you just as much too. Don’t ever apologize for when you have to cry onto my arms, okay? It’s okay to need to vent and show your emotions.
I could feel your fears and worries seep through the walls every time we’d try to sleep. I knew that every thought you had up until today was about this Sibelius drop. It was insanely difficult to have to watch you fall apart at certain points. My heart broke every time I couldn’t do anything but hold you. I wanted to tell you — show you that you’re an incredibly talented person and that you’re always going to do great, because you did it perfectly to me when I worried about my own.
You made me feel 100x better with one try and put me back on my feet. Eddy I really don’t know how you do it, but you just can. It’s like your hands and words are blessed or are blessings. You’re so good at making me feel intact again. We’ve been together for how many years now, and you’ve successfully pulled me out of every gutter I got stuck in. (Just in case, this is a metaphor.)
In line with that; I’m so sorry, Eddy. For all the times I wasn’t enough to make you feel better. For all the rough times I’ve caused. I’m especially sorry for getting sick and putting all the weight on your shoulder for a couple of weeks or so. I want you to know that I promise I’m doing my best to make it up to you. I’ll prioritize my health and keep myself in shape now, alright? I won’t get sick anymore and it’ll always be the two of us.
(I know if he read this he’d scold me for apologizing, then tell me off like “You do need to prioritize your health!” but that’s okay, nothing I can do but love it.)
I don’t know what else to put so I might just end it off here. I wrote a lot of things down for my first letter, but that’s probably because of the epiphany I had during our livestream today. We’ve gone so far, Eddy. We left behind many things, but it’s so worth it. These years only keep on getting better with you, our fans, and everything we do. I’m so lucky to have you as my second half. My love for you is only growing and I really can’t wait to see what’s in store for us in the future.
yourecallingmeovertoeatsoigottasignthisreallyquickly. [You’re calling me over to eat so I gotta sign this really quickly.]
Signed,
Yang