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It is, as with every other inconvenience in Doyoung's life, entirely Taeyong's fault.
Every embarrassing moment in his life could be traced back to Taeyong actually.
Like when they were eight and Taeyong dared Doyoung to climb the tallest tree in the neighborhood only for him to get stuck up there for hours, until the local fire department had to rescue him, or when they were fourteen and he recruited Doyoung's help in trying to create a supernatural club in their high-school (he and Taeyong were the only two members unless you counted Yuta, who was there solely for the free snacks) and more than half the school believed they were part of a Satantic cult and not two nerdy teenage boys who watched The Grudge one too many times.
So, yeah, Taeyong really is the root of all evil in Doyoung's twenty five years here on earth, the devil on his shoulder if the devil had pink hair and a devastating pout.
After all, he is the reason Doyoung is here now, hair splayed on soft cotton sheets, hands pressed into the dips of his waist, a boy who once meant the world to Doyoung kissing his way down Doyoung's stomach, skimming across the tops of his thighs.
It's why he's got his heart in his throat, hands fisted in freshly dyed brown locks, and a thousand words swallowed back down.
Right, all Taeyong's fault.
It goes like this.
Taeyong finds Doyoung at his favorite coffeeshop, buried under three weeks of research notes on Health Behavior Theory and backlogged discussion posts, flipping through his printed out presentation slides in a flurry.
"Here," Taeyong sing-songs, waving a black Iced Americano in front of him, and Doyoung shoots him a grateful look, before taking it out of his hands and taking a long sip, sighing contentedly at the flavor of bitter coffee.
Taeyong wrinkles his nose in distaste.
"I can't believe you drink this shit." He takes a sip of his own overpriced whipped caramel latte (it's got at least eight sugars, knowing Taeyong) and sits down across from where Doyoung has his things all spread out.
Doyoung rolls his eyes, because Taeyong only buys him stuff when he's convincing him to do something ridiculous and potentially illegal.
"What do you want?"
Taeyong gasps, affronted.
"I just want to see my best friend, the light of my life, the person who I can count on for anything." He smiles saccharinely, earrings glinting in the sunlight.
Doyoung sees a few girls stare and giggle from the large group at the corner, and he sighs. It's so unfair to the rest of humanity how stupidly pretty Taeyong was.
If they only knew he was the literal definition of Satan though, Doyoung thinks.
"Whatever it is, no." Doyoung is up to his neck in assignments and he can't afford to go with whatever crazy idea Taeyong has thought of this time.
Taeyong whines, crossing his arms over his chest, big eyes round and shiny, the little pleading face he makes when he wants to get his way, and it's effective usually, but Doyoung also has twenty years of experience of dealing with all of Taeyong's tricks.
Doyoung shakes his head. "That stopped working when we were eighteen and you needed me to pretend you were drowning just so you could get CPR from the hot lifeguard on duty."
Taeyong rests his head on his hand and sighs dreamily.
"That was a great summer. Baekhyun hyung really knew how to bring me back to life in more ways than one."
Doyoung sputters into his coffee and Taeyong just laughs.
"Gross! Also you were captain of the swim team! like your 'drowning attempt' was terrible. 0/10 for acting."
"And yet," Taeyong answers back smugly, "I got dicked down good in a 2013 Toyota Corolla all summer. So I win."
Doyoung scoffs.
"Anyway, I need you to just do one tiny favor for me. It's nothing crazy, I promise." Taeyong leans in, cutting Doyoung off when he opens his mouth to protest, "I just need you to pick up a package for me tomorrow."
Doyoung raises his eyebrows, looking at his best friend suspiciously. "A package?"
Taeyong nods, looking earnest. Doyoung scans his face again, trying to see if Taeyong is hiding anything.
"Please," his best friend pouts, "They temporarily stopped delivery and I would go pick it up myself but I have a meeting with my advisor about my thesis and I have to be on campus the whole day."
Doyoung groans defeatedly. Maybe the puppy eyes still work on him after all.
"Okay fine, you fucking menace," He sighs out, and Taeyong grins. "What's the address?"
“A sex shop?! Really?!” Doyoung hisses down the phone at Taeyong, pacing outside where the adult store is tucked in between a donut shop and all year round Halloween outlet at the end of the alley.
Taeyong laughs on the other line, seemingly unapologetic for the distress he’s caused Doyoung, like the absolute asshole he is.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I thought I told you but I must have forgot.”
“I feel like this is something you can’t possibly forget to tell me, Lee Taeyong!" Doyoung whisper shouts into the receiver, “Like I'm pretty sure you can’t miss saying yeah can you pick up my package - oh by the way, it’s at a sex shop.”
Doyoung glances back at the sign hovering above his head.
Good Vibrations stares back at him in pink fluorescent lighting, the two I 's shaped like very realistic dicks, and honestly, Doyoung is mortified.
“Im sorry, Doie. I really am! But you’ll be in and out in like two minutes, I promise, and the bags are like black so you can’t even see what’s inside!! No one will know!”
Doyoung could kill Taeyong really.
“Sleep with one eye open tonight.” He threatens and Taeyong just giggles.
“Bye! Love you!” his best friend blithely replies, and then the line cuts off.
Doyoung sighs frustratedly, shoving his phone into his pocket, before turning back again to look at the shop.
Ok. In and out.
He could do this.
There’s no one at the register when Doyoung walks in, so he lingers near the front of the store, eyeing the paddles on the right and the gag balls next to it.There's a collection of dildos on the little white table in front of him, arranged like a high end flower bouquet of phallic objects. The whole store looks pretty high end, actually, despite the seedy, rundown exterior and it being located at the end of an alley in Downtown.
It's clean and airy, and everything is neatly labelled and in their corners. Even the tiles on the floor look shiny.
There's shuffling, and someone comes out of the back corner, wearing a oversized t-shirt and leggings, their ears decorated with piercings and hair dyed black and blond. Whoever he was, he pulled the look off, honestly.
"Hi, can I help you?" the boy asks, coming closer, tucking his hair behind his ear, the hint of a tattoo peeking out from underneath the collar of his shirt. He's even prettier up close and for a moment, Doyoung is dazed.
He gets a raised eyebrow when he doesn't say anything, and then Doyoung remembers why he's here in the first place.
Stupid Taeyong.
"Yes, uhh," He looks at the name tag of the worker, "Renjun, my friend said that a package came in and wanted me to, uhmmm, pick it up?"
Renjun, for the most part ignores how flustered and out of place Doyoung looks and nods, before tilting his head toward the register, gesturing for Doyoung to follow him.
There's a clacking of keys as Renjun logs into the system and Doyoung busies himself looking at the different types of lube hanging on the wall behind the register, just for something to do.
"Name?" Renjun asks, still clacking away, and Doyoung tears his eyes away from the 10' dragon dildo model (with realistic scales and 4 modes of vibration! guaranteed to make you cum over and over again!) in the display case.
"Taeyong,” He mutters, but Renjun seems to hear him, because his eyes widen.
"Wait, you're Taeyong hyung's friend? Doyoung, right?" He says, now looking much softer, a grin overtaking his face.
"Uhh, yes? Do you know him?" Doyoung is so confused and a little apprehensive.
Renjun nods vigorously. "He's a regular. Also he was my TA for organic chem."
Which okay, makes sense. The duality of man or whatever.
"He actually told me his friend was coming to pick up something." Renjun says, before ducking down, the sound of cardboard knocking together before Renjun lets out a triumphant shout and comes back up with a medium sized box, a yellow sticky note that says, 'for: Doyoung Kim' on it.
Doyoung's eye twitches.
"He ordered this last week, but the shipment came in yesterday evening. He said this was a gift." Renjun rambles on about how this was the newest silicone dildo they had, how sturdy it was and how it curved to give you the utmost pleasure, and that it was compatible with any lubricant.
Doyoung pulls out his phone, giving Renjun a distracted nod as he goes on about the suction base at the bottom and how it comes in many different colors, and texts Taeyong.
ME
I will kill you (read: 4:30 pm)
Lee Taeyong (read: 4:31 pm)
if my FBI agent is reading this (read: 4:31 pm)
I will kill Lee Taeyong (read: 4: 32 pm)
you bought me a dildo????????? (read: 4:32 pm)
ARE YOU INSANE?????? (read: 4:32 pm)
I KNOW YOU'RE READING THESE DUMB ASS (read: 4:33 pm)
Dickhead
okay listen im sorry doie 🥺🥺🥺
I just wanted u to have some fun
u have been so stressed lately
and u nvr go out w/ me and yuta
I think it would help!!!!!!! it's even the same size as [redacted]'s dick
u kno, in case u miss him
who knew u telling me his dick size when u were wasted
would come in handy one day
"-even comes with vibration settings, in case you're into that!" Renjun says excitedly, and Doyoung looks up, smiling weakly at the enthusiastic boy.
"Great," he says half- heartedly, watching as Renjun slides the box into a nondescript black bag along with the gift receipt.
"Will that be all?" he asks, still beaming, and Doyoung considers asking him if there are any potential murder weapons laying around, something that would leave behind little evidence, but he decides against it.
Renjun saw his face already. Too risky.
"Yes," He says instead, smile strained, "Thank you so much, Renjun."
"No problem! thank you for shopping at Good Vibrations, no affiliation to Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch." Renjun shoots him finger guns, immediately looking embarrassed, the tips of his ears turning red, and Doyoung laughs, shoulders finally relaxing.
He waves back at the boy and exits the shop, looking around discreetly. No cars or people in sight.
He lets out a breath. Okay, this was good. This was easy, nothing to worry ab-
"Doyoung?"
He stops in his tracks, blood running cold. He knows that voice, has heard it wish him good morning and whisper in his ear after a long day, has heard it moaning above him, telling him how good he feels, has heard it defeated, asking for some time apart.
Yeah, Doyoung knows that voice, has loved that voice, has had his heart broken by that voice.
Despite his brain telling his feet to move forward, walk away and pretend he never heard his name being called, his treacherous feet instead, turn him around to face him.
It's been five months, and Jung Jaehyun looks unfairly good, which is expected, but it still makes Doyoung burn a little. He's wearing a dress shirt that looks a bit too snug on him, the first two top buttons undone, and pressed slacks, long legs seeming to go on for miles.
There is a long tan overcoat draped over one arm, a box that says Kane's Donuts clutched in the other hand. He looks breathtaking.
Of course, his ex comes out of the donut place next door the same exact time he decides to leave the sex shop.
And of course, Doyoung had forgotten about the fact that Jaehyun was interning at the big accounting firm in the financial district down the street.
The universe hates him.
"Hi," Jaehyun says, smiling shyly, and Doyoung nods back, trying to hide the bag behind him.
This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. Doyoung was supposed to run into Jaehyun in his best outfit, a hot boy wrapped around him, and completely over the love they once shared.
He was supposed to be the one who walked by Jaehyun and called his name in the middle of the busy street.
Instead, he's got dark circles under his eyes, hasn't been on a single date in five months, and is currently holding a plastic bag that has a dildo that is the same size as his ex boyfriend's dick.
And oh yeah, he's pretty sure he's still in love with the boy standing in front of him, even if Jaehyun broke his damn heart.
"So, what are you doing here?" Jaehyun asks, eyeing the bag still unsuccessfully hidden behind Doyoung.
"Uhhh, just shopping around, looking for things, y'know?" Doyoung winces at how unsure he sounds.
Jaehyun hums, before smiling deviously. "Yeah, I get that. The sex shop is a good place to start."
Doyoung swallows, Jaehyun walking closer to him. His eyelashes are still so long and he smells so good, so much like Doyoung remembers, and this is dangerous territory.
"It's not mine!" He blurts out, "Taeyong bought it, and its just under my name, which ridiculous, but I'm not even going to use it, like -"
Jaehyun laughs, shifting the box to his other hand, and reaching out to let his fingers linger on Doyoung's arm.
"I was just kidding, ba- Doyoung, I would never judge you for that." He sounds embarrassed for his almost slip up, but Doyoung is thinking about how he can feel the heat radiating off of Jaehyun, the way he can almost feel him pressed up against him, how it would feel if he just leaned in and kissed him, if Jaehyun would still taste like cherry chapstick.
Jaehyun looks at him as if he's reading Doyoung's mind.
"If you're not doing anything right now, do you wanna catch up at my apartment?" He shakes the box of donuts in his hand, almost as an afterthought. "I know I can't eat all these by myself."
So, here he is now, his ex boyfriend between his legs, fully clothed, lapping up at the stray droplets of precum at the juncture of his thighs.
Honestly, it didn't even take them five minutes after entering Jaehyun's apartment to get him naked and spread out on the bed, the ruse of catching up vanishing as soon as Doyoung was through the door.
(the sight is so familiar, the plants they bought together, the blue that Doyoung picked out for his walls, and there's a moment where he just stands there, taking in how everything has changed, but still stayed the same, before Jaehyun pulls him to the bedroom and he pretends to forget.)
It's genuinely laughable how easy and pliant Doyoung is for Jaehyun, even after all this time apart.
Jaehyun pulls back, Doyoung's legs involuntarily going to close around his head to keep him there, but Jaehyun just smirks.
"Baby, be nice." He says, already reaching up to trace a finger around Doyoung's pierced nipple, sending a jolt of pleasure through him and making him moan.
"' 'm not your baby." He says petulantly, trying to push his chest into Jaehyun's hands, but Jaehyun stops and looks at him, looking immeasurably fond.
Doyoung's heart clenches.
"Okay baby." He says again, an eyebrow raised up in a challenge, knowing Doyoung doesn't mean it at all, before he grins and ducks down to take the other nipple in his mouth.
God, Jaehyun is insufferable and stubborn and so annoyingly hot and he drives Doyoung absolutely crazy, because no one knows his body better.
Jaehyun laps around the skin of the right nipple, soft, teasing licks, before biting. Doyoung moans wantonly, arching his chest closer to Jaehyun's mouth, the way the his tongue feels hot and heavy against him, with just the right amount of pressure and teeth. Doyoung watches heavy lidded, as Jaehyun sucks, playing with the tiny silver barbell, before releasing it with a pop. He then moves his attention to the other one, flicking it gently and Doyoung gasps. He chuckles against the piercing, the vibrations making Doyoung press even closer to him.
Jaehyun looks up again, mouth wet and shiny. "Will you be good for me, sweetheart?"
Honestly, Doyoung would do anything for Jaehyun, all he has to do is say the word, but fuck if he's going to let his ex know that.
"Maybe," He says instead, watching Jaehyun's lips twitch as if holding back a smile, "What's in it for me?"
Jaehyun grins, sharklike, before reaching down, swiping his thumb across the head of Doyoung's dick, watching as he barely stifles his whimper. "Getting fucked so hard you go crosseyed, you remember that, don't you, baby?"
Doyoung moans. Sex with Jaehyun is always mind-blowing, the kind of toe-curling, nasty sex that leaves Doyoung dick-dazed for days, the fucked out, eyes-rolling back kind of sex.
There's a sharp tap on his thigh, and he looks down to see Jaehyun holding the dildo that Taeyong bought for him. It's curved and long and flesh colored, little wavy bumps on the side.
Doyoung needs it in him.
"Want it?" Jaehyun asks teasingly, and Doyoung nods, pants out a "yes please", before Jaehyun leans back down, nipping at his stomach, sucking little bruises into the plush of his thighs, until Doyoung whines in frustration.
”You’re being mean,” he grits out, and Jaehyun grins.
“I thought you liked me mean, with a side of dick.” He says, but he leans over the side of the bed and grabs the complimentary grape flavored lube that Renjun threw in with the toy, uncapping it and applying it generously to two of his fingers.
"Hands and knees, baby." Jaehyun spanks the side of Doyoung’s hip, and he rolls over obligingly, back arched and ass jutting out, waiting.
he hears Jaehyun’s sharp intake of breath behind him and he hides a smile. Jaehyun isn’t the only one who could tease.
The lube is warm when Jaehyun presses in one finger teasingly, and Doyoung pants at the burn of the stretch, falling forward, face pressed against the pillow.
"More," He demands, and he knows he sounds like a brat, and maybe he wants to rile Jaehyun up, make him even meaner, because he missed the way that Jaehyun gets when Doyoung gets mouthy, the way he grips Doyoung's hips tighter, the way he looks at Doyoung like he wants to eat him up.
"Only polite boys get fucked, darling." Jaehyun snarks back, but he presses in two fingers at once, Doyoung drooling into the cotton sheets. Jaehyun adds a third, fucking in faster, and Doyoung can feel it so deep in him and he feels slutty and open, and so so good.
The fingers disappear and Doyoung mewls, eyes wet with tears, missing the burn already, and he looks back over his shoulder, where Jaehyun is still fully dressed, hands dripping with lube.
He nods at the toy next to Doyoung. "C'mon darling, show me how you work for the dick."
He leans back against the dresser, arms crossed, and Doyoung can see the muscles shifting underneath his shirt, the way he looks so unaffected except for the flush in his cheeks and the way he stares at Doyoung, dark and unyielding.
He knows better, though. Knows that Jaehyun is just waiting for the perfect time to pounce.
Doyoung takes the dildo in his hand, still looking at Jaehyun, and licks up the base, gets his mouth wet and sloppy, saliva dripping down.
He gets it nice and wet, before setting it down, and gets up on his knees, shifting so that his hole is right over the toy, before slowly sinking down, inch by inch, moaning as it fills him up.
The bumps press against him perfectly, and he closes his eyes at the sensation.
"Shit shit shit, god, fuckkkkkkkkk." He feels every bit of the dildo, the way it curves up into him, the way his hole keeps clenching around it, how sloppy it sounds.
He bounces faster, thinking about good Jaehyun's dick would feel in him, how Jaehyun would take his hips and slam them down onto his dick, make him cry.
He hears a quiet "fuck" and he opens his eyes, looking at Jaehyun, who is biting his lip and looking intently at where Doyoung's hole swallows up the dildo.
Doyoung smirks.
He lifts up, thighs burning, and crawls toward the edge of the bed, eyes zeroed in on the prominent bulge straining against Jaehyun's slacks.
He crooks a finger at him, and Jaehyun raises an eyebrow, but walks toward Doyoung, who pulls him by the belt loops and yanks, making Jaehyun stumble onto the bed.
He pushes him down, straddling his hips, and Jaehyun grins.
"What are you up to, sweetheart?"
"Just having a little fun," Doyoung says, pouting, tracing his index finger down the planes of Jaehyun's chest, stopping at the waistband of his pressed slacks, looking up at Jaehyun from underneath his eyelashes.
Jaehyun smiles indulgently, and Doyoung whines when he grips his chin and tilts his head backward.
"Pretty little slut," He coos, and Doyoung preens, before sinking to his knees at the foot of the bed, mouth already watering at tasting Jaehyun after so long.
Jaehyun shimmies out of his pants, dick springing free, and Doyoung lets out another whine, but he keeps his hands behind his back.
“Alright,” Jaehyun says softly, grasping his dick at the base, Doyoung following the movement, swaying slightly, “Open up.”
Doyoung opens his mouth wider at that, tongue sticking out and Jaehyun rests his dick there, hot and heavy, breath stuttering when Doyoung laves across the bottom of the crown. He gazes up at Jaehyun, fluttering his eyelashes as he tries to take him in deeper.
“Shit, you feel so good.” Jaehyun moans out, fucking in deeper into Doyoung's mouth, and his hands find purchase in Doyoung's hair, giving it a soft caress.
Doyoung has his eyes closed now, noisily slurping at Jaehyun's dick, spit at the corners of his mouth, and honestly, there is nothing more that he wants to than to feel Jaehyun all the way down his throat, to choke on his dick. He hums, feeling Jaehyun's thighs twitch against where he's resting his hands, and Jaehyun rewards him by tightening his grip on Doyoung's hair, causing him to moan.
"Baby," he says, easing his dick out of Doyoung's mouth, Doyoung whining at the emptiness, "Wanna fuck you." He leans down, giving Doyoung a kiss, quick and dirty, more teeth than tongue, and Doyoung feels himself melt even more into the mattress, boneless and pliant.
"y-yeah, please, Jaehyun, please please," Doyoung babbles dreamily, climbing back up and spreading his legs, already thinking about how good Jaehyun always feels, how big Jaehyun's dick is, how he always stretches him out.
"Condom?" Jaehyun asks, like he doesn't want to know the answer.
It's the first time he actually looks unsure.
"Im clean. Haven't slept with anyone since we-" Doyoung clears his throat, looking down, and then Jaehyun moves closer, linking their fingers on the duvet.
"Neither have I." He whispers, and Doyoung refuses to think about what that could mean.
Doyoung nods instead. "No condom? Wanna feel you anyway." and Jaehyun startles, laughs throatily, before kissing his pads of his fingers and moving up on his knees in front of Doyoung.
"You're so pretty, baby," Jaehyun says, lubing up his dick, wet from precum and Doyoung's mouth, scooting closer. He lifts up Doyoung's legs and guides the head of his dick into him, moaning as he bottoms out.
"God, you're still so tight." Jaehyun looks down at Doyoung, smirking. "Only meant for me, huh? Just for my dick."
Doyoung flushes. "F-fuck you, as-aaaah!" Jaehyun doesn't let him finish, thrusting even deeper, and Doyoung shudders.
God, Jaehyun is the absolute worst.
"I am fucking you, darling." Jaehyun says, grinning, before he slams his hips down, and Doyoung screams.
Jaehyun is holding him so possessively, like he needs Doyoung to know that he belongs only to him, like he's desperate for Doyoung to see how much he means to him, and if Doyoung wasn't delirious with want, he would try to decipher what that means, but now, all he can think about is how Jaehyun is hitting that spot perfectly.
Jaehyun reaches up, pressing his fingers against his lips, and Doyoung opens his mouth wide, letting them rest on his tongue, before closing his eyes and sucking, whiny hiccups filling the air as he tries to take Jaehyun's fingers deeper and deeper.
Jaehyun fucks into Doyoung like it's his religion, like he wants to worship him, like he misses his body and there is no one else in the world that could satisfy him like Doyoung does. Jaehyun fucks like he's at the altar between Doyoung's thighs and there is no where else he would rather be.
It's dizzying, overwhelming, perfect.
"F-feels s'good," Doyoung slurs out, gripping the edges of the comforter tighter, "Can feel you in my s-stomach. "
"God, baby, you're nasty, aren't you?" Jaehyun fucks into him harder, his hand yanking into Doyoung's hair, making his back arch even more, and he wails as Jaehyun rails him right against his prostate. "You're all mine. Pretty and nasty and a fucking dream come true, and all mine."
"Yours yours yours, only yours", Doyoung sobs out, can feel the white hot pleasure in his spine, and he's so so close.
Jaehyun reaches down with his free hand, pressing down on the underside of Doyoung's dick, and that's all Doyoung needs.
Doyoung wails, eyes rolling back in his head, spurts of cum dripping down his dick, static white noise all around him. He collapses on the bed, moaning weakly as Jaehyun continues to fuck into him gently. He feels floaty and all fucked out in the best way possible.
"Want me to keep going?" Jaehyun asks, hips stilled and eyes concerned, already moving to pull out, but Doyoung shakes his head, locking his legs tighter around Jaehyun's waist.
He is so sensitive, but he likes how it feels, how he can feel his legs still twitching from the aftermath of his orgasm.
"No, no keep going, " He moans, tongue out, "Wanna feel you dripping in me, make me messy."
"Shit, Doyoung, okay darling," Jaehyun fucks into him harder, groaning. Doyoung can tell he's so close, his rhythm getting erratic, "I'll make sure you're full, sweetheart. Give you what you want."
Doyoung nods dreamily, hole clenching around Jaehyun. He wants it so bad, wants to be filled up, wants cum dripping down his thighs, wants to feel it for days after.
Jaehyun leans down, kissing down the column of his throat, open mouthed and panting, and then Doyoung feels him cum too, hot and pulsing, dripping down the sides of his hole and down his thighs.
Jaehyun pulls out, careful not to hurt Doyoung, reaching over to grab the tissues over by the bed stand. He wipes Doyoung's hole gently, and Doyoung looks at him, the way his hair is sticking up in all directions, his tiny mole near his lip, the way he's staring back, eyes fond.
Doyoung has a moment now, where he wants to say something, anything, that could make Jaehyun understand he's not the only one.
"Jaehyun," He says, trembling, and Jaehyun reaches up and cups his face, kisses him softly, tenderly, and its honestly too intimate for two boys who have broken up months ago.
This isn't on the okay list in the Rulebook of Exes, Doyoung thinks, but neither is sleeping with them in the first place.
Doyoung wakes up to hands carding through his hair, soft and gentle, and he leans in, allows himself this one thing.
Allows himself to breathe in Jaehyun's scent, like lavender and fresh linen, the way it feels to be in curled up next to a boy that he is still in love with, the way he can pretend like he never really left, like Jaehyun has been saving this space next to him for the last five months, waiting for Doyoung.
It's heartbreaking.
It's heartbreaking to be in a bed that used to be their bed, to share a space that used to be both their spaces, to look at a boy who used to be his, to remember how every night for the last five months has been staring up at the ceiling and missing forehead kisses and chipped mugs that used to hold two toothbrushes.
"Hey," Jaehyun whispers, and Doyoung looks up, blinking away tears, afraid of what he's going to find there. Jaehyun is staring at him, eyes soft.
Doyoung looks back down, hands clenched in the sheets. He has to leave, this was such a bad idea, what the hell was thinking, this wasn't something that he could just fuck out-
"Baby," Jaehyun cradles his face, thumbs brushing against his cheekbones gently, reverently, and Doyoung's heart aches, "I missed you. Thought about you all the time."
Jaehyun takes in a deep, shuddering breath, and Doyoung realizes, oh.
He's not the only one hurting. He's not the only one who has been reaching for his phone at 4 am, staring at the glowing screen and thinking of all the things he wished he could say.
Doyoung brings his hands up, circling his hands around Jaehyun's wrists, feeling the way his pulse quickens underneath his fingertips, the way his brows are furrowed.
"When you said you needed time to breathe, I thought about why I wasn't enough for you. Why you couldn't breathe with me beside you." He whispers, pressing his lips to the knobs of Jaehyun’s wrist.
Jaehyun is still looking at him, eyes wet with tears, and Doyoung thinks of the dreams they both had, how it was them against the world, how it still feels like that, even if they're on different pages.
"I needed to know, Doyoung," Jaehyun says, voice wobbly, "I needed to know if I could live without you. It's not that I needed space, but I was-" He stops, looking determined, "am so in love with you, that I didn't know if I knew myself anymore."
Doyoung gasps, hands tightening on Jaehyun's wrists, and Jaehyun smiles sadly. "And then you walked out, took everything with you, and I thought, okay this is fine. we both need to learn to exhale without each other."
Jaehyun shakes his head. "I learnt that I could breathe without you," and Doyoung feels his heart sink to his stomach, but Jaehyun continues, "I learnt I could live without you, but I don't want to."
"I missed you," Doyoung finally chokes out, sobbing, overwhelmed and relieved and heartbroken all at once, and then Jaehyun is holding him tight, arms wrapped around him, and Doyoung knows there is still so much to talk about. Knows that they will have to move slow, have to relearn each other, that even five months comes with changes and learning to adapt.
But,-
Jaehyun is looking at him like there isn't anywhere else in the world he would rather be than right next to Doyoung, like he's finally home.
Doyoung kisses him, because he feels the same, needs Jaehyun to know that.
He's always felt the same.
They lie down on the bed again, on their backs facing each other, legs entangled and they share a laugh, exhilarated and alive.
"Sleep now, eat the donuts we were supposed to later?" Jaehyun says, reaching out, as Doyoung nods back, giggling.
God, the fucking donuts.
Their hands meet in the middle, fingers still slotting together perfectly, like they were desperately waiting to be reunited.
They'll wake up and talk about their future and where to go from here, how to navigate their relationship and understand each other better.
For now though, Doyoung closes his eyes, feeling the weight of Jaehyun's palm against his own, warm and solid, and just breathes.