Work Text:
Ggukie
Hey, bun.
Just wanted to check on you
Are you alright?
i’m fine
Don’t get too stressed out, baby
I’m sure you’ll ace it.
Read 8:07am
Taehyung sighed. It was finals week, the most stressful period of time for students. Jeongguk’s been studying for weeks, almost a month straight, his study lamp turned on at three in the morning with his big, round glasses perched on his nose almost sliding down. Taehyung usually sees him dozing off on his opened textbook, pen in his hand and he always asks him to get back to bed but Jeongguk refuses every time with a whine.
He keeps pushing himself to stay awake, energy drinks piled up at the corner of his table until Taehyung warns him to stop before he accidentally overdoses. Jeongguk doesn’t like coffee, despises the taste of the brown, disgusting liquid, choosing to drink sweet beverages instead.
“Gguk.” Taehyung squints at the clock, voice laced with a warning tone. “It’s two thirty in the morning, stop drinking these.” There’s about four cans on the table, three of them completely empty and crushed up. He frowns, lines appearing around his lips. He picks them up and throws them in the bin, turning to look at his boy. “This isn’t healthy, angel.”
“Leave me ‘lone, hyung.” Jeongguk mutters under his breath, continuing to write on his exercise book, sounds of scribbles filling the room. “I’m not done yet.”
“You said that three hours ago.” The older closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he heaves in a sigh. “Please, baby.” He almost begs on his knees. He’s been seeing this scene of Jeongguk working himself until the dead of night, having to wake up to see him asleep on the table, and sees him grimacing everytime he stretches his back. “Come to bed with hyung.” Taehyung tips his chin with his index finger but Jeongguk whines and pushes it away, focused on his work.
“No.” Jeongguk doesn’t even look up at him, flipping a page over. It’s like his boyfriend doesn’t even exist. At least he’s answering, Taehyung guesses. “I literally have an exam tomorrow, you don’t understand how important this is to me.” His tone is harsh, and Taehyung ignores it, blaming it on the stress.
“Oh, trust me.” Taehyung mumbled, crossing his arms. “I do.” It’s Jeongguk’s graduating year, his last year of school until he can finally take a well deserved break at home with Taehyung.
“Do you really?” Jeongguk rolls his eyes, scoffing while he just keeps on writing and highlighting. Taehyung quirks a brow, uncrossing his arms and letting them fall to his sides. “I don’t think so.” He finally looks up, and Taehyung can see his dark undereye circles as clear as day. He looks exhausted. “Don’t you have work tomorrow? You should be sleeping.”
“And don't you have an exam at eight thirty tomorrow?” Taehyung challenges, reaching over to turn off his lamp, making the entire room go dark. He hears Jeongguk gasp and click his tongue in annoyance, and a slam of a hand against some books. “Taehyung!”
“Koo, I said go to bed right now,” He closes his book and grabs his hand gently, coaxing him to stop studying at the crack of dawn. “Before you break down. I don’t want to see you faint tomorrow morning.”
“Well, I won’t.” Jeongguk snatches his hand away, turning his lamp back on, opening his book a bit too hard, making the table shake. “So don’t worry about me.”
Taehyung knows he's angry, and he’s getting a bit pissed off himself, too.
“It’s my job to be worried about you.” He suppresses another sigh. “Jeongguk—“
“Can you just fuck off?” Jeongguk shrieks, pen held tightly in his fist. Taehyung’s stunned. He looks more awake, eyebrows furrowed as he looks down at the younger sitting on his chair. Jeongguk has never cursed at him like that, let alone get agitated. “God, you’re so annoying sometimes.”
You know, it’s safe to say that Taehyung is much more mature than Jeongguk. Not saying that Jeongguk’s immature (he is, just a little.), but he acts like a pubescent teenage boy at times. Despite the small age gap, the level of maturity is apparent.
Taehyung exhales, letting out a small chuckle. He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his silk robe, looking away. He can’t look at his face anymore tonight. “Fine.” Taehyung whispers, turning away to walk to their shared bed. “Suit yourself. Guess I’m a bitch for caring.”
Taehyung pretends not to hear a ‘fucking finally’ from a familiar voice.
The lamp stays on for another two hours.
Taehyung didn't get much sleep that night.
That was yesterday. Taehyung stifles a yawn, using a hand to cover his mouth. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t hurt by what Jeongguk said last night. His heart probably cracked a bit. He wonders if he was really that irritating. He was just so, so worried about him, he couldn’t help it.
Now he’s at work, at the gun range, worrying his heart out for Jeongguk. He’s terrified of the fact that Jeongguk might faint from exhaustion. Taehyung left before Jeongguk went to school, but he made sure to tell the chef to cook breakfast for him before he goes for his exam. He’s not sure if Jeongguk complied.
“Focus, Taehyung.” He whips his head to the side, only to see Jimin staring at him, gun in his hand. “What’s up with you? You’ve been so distracted, and we’ve just started.”
Taehyung shakes his head and puts on the headphones, cocking his gun. He takes one last look at his phone, and doesn’t see any sign of Jeongguk texting him back. He pushes his feelings aside, stuffing his phone into his pocket, standing in position. He straightens his back, cracking his neck. Jeongguk is fine, he tries to convince himself. He’s not the type to make me worry.
He takes a deep breath and calms himself down before he overthinks further. “Let’s start.”
Jeongguk can’t do this. He can’t. “I can’t do this.” He whispers, pulling on his hair as the papers are given out. His mind is blank. This couldn’t be happening right now. His fingers tremble in his hair, eyes watering at the sight of the thick examination paper in front of him. He’s going to throw up.
“Fuck.” He sniffles, swallowing the thick lump in his throat. He grabs his pen with much difficulty, hands wet from sweat and still shaking. Jeongguk prepared so much, for so long, but he feels as unprepared as ever. The clock ticks loudly, the clicking sound irritating his ears while he scribbles down equations and numbers.
Too many numbers. Too many letters. His head pounds and throbs, excruciating pain shooting down his neck. Jeongguk squeezes his eyes shut and digs his fingernails into his skin. Whimpering, he lets out a shaky breath and flips the page.
The words morphed and blended into blurry lines, no matter how hard he tried to focus, tried to remember the things he memorised last night, tried to ignore the growing pain in his head, he just couldn’t do it. Jeongguk gasps quietly for air, loosening his collar as his breaths come in short puffs.
He scratches his neck, as if that would help him breathe easier. Pink marks start to appear but he doesn’t stop. Jeongguk wonders if this was what a heart attack felt like. He felt like he was dying. The thought of failing this examination and having to study for another year brings tears to his eyes, regret heavy in his heart.
The next thirty minutes felt like three hours, and he could finally leave. Jeongguk handed up his paper with shaky hands, not wanting to let go. He knows each and every one of his mistakes. There’s so many of them. He’d left three questions completely blank. His breathing becomes more erratic, throat closing up, insufficient oxygen flowing into his lungs.
“T—Take me to Taehyung,” Jeongguk steps out of the campus to walk towards the black car waiting for him, a man in a suit opening the door. He rushes into the car, appreciating the cool air conditioner that dries up the beads of sweat rolling down his face. Jeongguk feels his heart pounding wildly against his rib cage while inhaling became more difficult as the seconds went by.
“Jeongguk-ssi, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” The man looks at him through the rear view mirror, eyes furrowed in concern. He knows where Taehyung is, and knows Jeongguk isn’t a big fan of the gun range. “Why don’t I take you home to wait for—“
“Please, please!” Jeongguk sobs and begs, gripping on his bag until his knuckles turn white. “Need— Need hyung, please just take me to him.” He looks pitiful, tears streaming down his cheeks like a waterfall and snot peeking out of his nose. Jeongguk looks like an utter mess.
The man presses his lips into a thin line, eyes laced with worry. He hasn’t seen Jeongguk like this before, and he hopes he won't get in trouble for taking Jeongguk to a place he shouldn’t be at. “Yes, sir.” He starts the car and steps on the pedal, driving straight to the gun range.
Jeongguk looks out of the window, trying to get himself together, trying to take deep breaths but nothing works. What if Taehyung’s still mad at him? What if he chases him out? His panic grows as more intrusive thoughts invade his mind, clutching his throat as he wheezes, burying his head in his knees.
Tears soaked through his jeans, fingers scratching the denim material. He doesn’t even know why he decided to wear tight clothes today. It’s too tight. He wants them off. Too tight. Jeongguk whimpers and scratches his arms, red crescents appearing while tiny beads of blood colour his wrists.
His lungs are screaming at him to stop, because he just can’t breathe. Jeongguk lifts his head from his thighs, trying to remember how to breathe as if he was just born into this earth. He racks his head for the methods Taehyung taught him whenever he panicked alone — counting in your head.
One, two, three.
One, two, th—
Jeongguk chokes and wheezes loudly, clutching his throat. His face is full of tears, spilling over and over and it doesn’t stop. “Sir, please calm down. We’re here.” He gasps, struggling to open the car door, rattling it with his sweaty palm. The man opens it for him, thankfully, and Jeongguk stumbles straight out of the car, looking at him expectedly. “Taehyung-ssi is in the gun range. Do you need me to—“
Jeongguk runs to the building, tapping his card a little too hard for comfort, a smack sound reverberating around him but in all honesty, he doesn’t give a damn. He turns right and left, knowing the directions to the gun range by heart. He trips on his own legs, however, breaking his fall with his palms, scratching them against the ground.
He ignores the bodyguard wanting to help him up and he just keeps running and running and doesn’t stop. He’s desperate. Jeongguk sniffs, bursting into tears, overwhelmed by the number of men simply standing around, hearing his cries. They fill up the silent hallway, and suddenly, the building feels bigger than usual. Sobs were piling in his throat, stumbling over themselves to get out. Jeongguk felt like he was going to explode, legs shaking with tension.
Just a few more steps. He already faintly hears the sound of gunshots. He wants Taehyung— needs him. Jeongguk feels a pathetic whimper climb its way out of his mouth, bottom lip trembling as his face becomes wetter with tears. He needs to stop crying. Everything hurt so badly. He just wants it to stop. Please, he begs, struggling to open the door with his card.
“Just—“ Jeongguk whines, slamming his card on the sensor. It’s probably all damp from his tears and sweat. “Just fucking let me in!” He shrieks. He’s pleading, begging, vision blurring from his drowning eyes. Jeongguk’s voice echoes throughout the hallway, and it’s a lie to say that no one would’ve heard him breaking down by now.
There’s a ringing tone, signalling that the door has open and Jeongguk pushes his way through, stumbling on his two feet yet again. Taehyung. Where’s Taehyung? Black spots dot his vision, his anxiety spiking up as the seconds go by. Taehyung Taehyung Taehyung
Bang.
Bang, bang, bang.
Gunshots after gunshots, and it doesn’t stop. He wants everything to just stop. The god awful sound makes his ears ring deafeningly in his head, agony pulsating in his system — every heartbeat heard as a slight ring. “Hyung,” Jeongguk sobs. Loud, unable to control it from slipping out. He presses his palms against his ears tightly, flinching at the sound of another gunshot. “Hyung!” He bawls, sobs piling up on top of each other and he can’t hold back any longer.
Taehyung frowns and stops shooting when he hears the door slam open. He shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, anger seeping into his system because he clearly told everyone that this was a private session with Jimin until— he sees a small figure at the corner, shoulders hunched inwards, looking smaller. He’s shaking, and there’s hands covering his ears. Taehyung knows who he is with one look.
Bang, bang.
“Fuck, Jimin, stop shooting!” Taehyung clutches Jimin’s shoulder, shaking his headphones off. He knows Jeongguk absolutely hates guns and their ear piercing sounds, so why is he here? Jimin’s about to curse at him for interrupting his progress, but hears the unusual sounds of crying that shouldn’t be in here right now. The room’s silent, except for Jeongguk’s sobs and whimpers.
“Baby,” Taehyung whispers, carrying him up to his feet, rubbing his back soothingly. “Why’re you here, hm? Hyung was practicing.” He shushes his cries, lips against his temple. He doesn’t know why his baby’s so worked up but he’s sure that it could wait. Jeongguk coughs in his neck, blubbering and stuttering and Taehyung can’t understand what he’s saying.
“Slow down, bun.” He pries Jeongguk’s fingers off of his ears and grimaces at the marks on his neck. “It’s over. There’s no more loud sounds.” Taehyung presses kisses on his forehead, wiping the tears on his cheeks with his thumbs. He strokes his hair delicately, hands sliding down his back as he tries his best to calm him down.
“Breathe with me.” He inhales and exhales slowly, listening to Jeongguk following him, choking in the middle and he gets worked up again. “Taehyungie— Hyung—“ The boy in his arms let out a tiny cry against his chest, sniffling as he gently rocked him. His voice cracks at the end and Taehyung senses him getting more panicked despite his efforts.
“No, no,” Taehyung protests firmly, shaking his head. “You’re okay. Stay with me, okay?” Jeongguk hiccups and raggedly breathes along with him, eyes red and lips dry. He buries his face into Taehyung’s collarbone and keeps it there, not wanting to leave anytime soon. “Don’t rush, little one. I’m right here.” He takes slow and deep breathes, cradling his head to his chest, right against his heart.
“There you go.” Taehyung hums, patting his back gently. “Good job, bunny.” He praises him softly and wipes his sweat with his sleeve, uncaring about the stickiness.
Another tear rolls down his cheek but Taehyung’s quick to wipe it away, his other hand resting on his lower back. “‘M sorry, ‘yung.” Jeongguk chokes out, words slurred as he grips onto Taehyung’s shirt, arms bunched up against his chest. The taller just shakes his head, shushing him. “Are your ears still ringing? You could’ve gone deaf, baby.”
“Jus’ a little.” Jeongguk croaks out, nosing at his skin. He feels like he’s been through war. Exhausted and uncomfortable in his damp clothes, sticking to his back (where Taehyung still has his hand on). A twenty minute long panic attack. One of the longest and worst one that he’s had for a while now. He blames it on the exam, and the way he lashed out at his boyfriend last night. There’s a faint buzzing in his ears, but he feels warm and safe in Taehyung’s arms, almost falling asleep with the constant rubs on his shoulder and the kisses on his forehead.
“Don’t fall asleep here, my love.” Taehyung chuckles, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear as he takes a look at the teary and tired doe eyes looking up at him. “Let’s get you home.”
“Arms up.” Taehyung murmurs and lifts up Jeongguk’s shirt, throwing it aside into a basket. He coos at the sight of him falling asleep, sitting on the bed. “Not yet, baby.” He wipes his sweat with a damp towel, making Jeongguk shiver and whine, opening his arms for Taehyung. He had wanted Jeongguk to shower but the younger pouted and shook his head, plopping himself on their shared bed. The older laughs gently and wraps his arms around his neck, bringing themselves down together onto the bed. Jeongguk nuzzles in his shoulder, arms snakes around his waist tightly and Taehyung couldn’t bear to let him go.
Running his fingers through his hair, he tips his chin to make eye contact with him. “Want to tell me what happened today?” Jeongguk sags and grimaces quietly, looking away, shrugging. It’s a bit embarrassing, he thinks to himself, not wanting to relive the way he panicked in front of everyone that he knew. Wooseok, his driver, probably thinks he’s crazy.
“What’s on your mind?” Taehyung brushes his baby hair out of the way, caressing his cheek. Jeongguk sighs and tucks himself under Taehyung’s chin, cheek against his collarbone. “I don’t know,” His words are muffled, but Taehyung can hear him just fine due to their close proximity. “I was so embarrassing out there.”
Taehyung makes a confused noise, clicking his tongue. “You weren’t, precious.” He rests a hand on his nape, and the other on his back. “It’s okay to panic at times. I’m so, so proud of you for getting through it.” He can feel Jeongguk crack a smile against his skin, and he’s relaxed that he feels better.
“Everybody out there surely thinks I’m insane.” Taehyung frowns. “You’re absurd, Guk. Everyone loves you, hell, they like you more than their own boss.” Jeongguk giggles wetly, eyes turning into crescents as he laughs. “That’s because you treat them like slaves, hyungie.”
There’s a beat of silence, just the two of them holding each other like there’s no tomorrow, basking in the golden setting sun that seeps through the opening of their curtains, until Jeongguk speaks. “I screwed up my exam.”
Taehyung keeps quiet. “And— And I was stressing throughout the entire thing,” Jeongguk stammers, sighing. “I was so mad at myself. I remember revising the things that were tested but— but I just couldn’t get it into my head.”
His grip on Taehyung tightens as he continues to ramble on. “And I got angry at you and said all those stupid things. I’m sorry, Tae.”
“Hey, hey.” Taehyung moves his hands to his cheeks and plants a wet kiss on his mole under his bottom lip. He pats the tears forming in Jeongguk’s eyes with the pads of his fingers, giving him a soft smile. “I’m always proud of you, no matter what grade you get. You’re the most hardworking person I know, you hear me?”
Despite Jeongguk’s protests, he continues when he sees the faint beam plastered on his lips. Taehyung always knows how to make the boy smile.“I know you didn’t mean what you said last night.” He mumbles into his hair. He loves his boy way too much. “But you need to listen to me sometimes.”
Jeongguk stiffens, and Taehyung continues to rub his back to keep him calm because the younger doesn’t need another attack to tire him out even more. “I care about you, you know that, don’t you?” Jeongguk massages his burning eyes, nodding against his neck. “I want you to be healthy, Gguk.”
“I know I’m busy, and it doesn’t seem like I’m home very often but,” Taehyung stops to take a breath. “But I love you, okay?” He continues, eyes fluttering shut. “And I don’t want to get a call in the middle of work telling me that you’ve fainted in school, or you’re passed out in the middle of the hallway, and I don’t ever want to see you on a hospital bed, ever. ”
Jeongguk sniffs and holds him tighter, like his boyfriend’s going to disappear at any second. “That’d never happen, hyung. I’m safe and sound”
“Well, it better not.” Taehyung leans over and turns off the light, darkness filling the room. “You scared the shit out of me today.” He continues, “Seeing you waltz into the gun range knowing that you absolutely hate guns, and hearing you sob your lungs out.”
“Sorry.” Jeongguk says, voice groggy. “Won’t scare you again, promise.”
“Don’t be silly, bun.” Taehyung starts to get sleepy as well, pulling the blanket up to Jeongguk’s chin, limbs tangled with one another. “Go to sleep. You must be exhausted.” The younger hums, on the verge of falling asleep as he feels lips press onto his nose and forehead.
“Night, Taetae. Love you.”
“Love you more.”