Chapter Text
Alina Starkov was a soldier; not in the sense that most people were, like her childhood friend Mal, but she was a soldier. She was one of the people making sure that everyone could get to where they needed to be, by the safest route possible; she was a cartographer. Growing up she was taught that if she didn’t have a skill that was sought after, she would end up on the front lines of a war no one wanted to be fighting. So, she studied, and she drew, every day of her childhood; making sure that she could be useful somewhere, to someone, as a small amount of life insurance; although, in a war, nothing is certain.
After three days in a cramped carriage with half a dozen more mapmakers like herself, she was thankful to have finally made it to the army base that borders The Fold. She had only ever heard stories, dramatizations, she was only ever able to draw it on a map by other people’s accounts. The stories she had heard about soldiers, friends, going in and never returning, their lights dimmed by the seemingly endless darkness.
Looking at it now, Alina was reminded that she was never afraid of the darkness, it had always lingered inside of her anyway.
She held her head high and went off in search of Mal, she was told he would be stationed here, and it had been almost a full year since she had seen him, both being assigned to different camps to train. What would it be like when he saw me? she thought, I’m different now, stronger. While she was a mapmaker, on the sidelines, but you don’t get to join the First Army without firearm and combat training. She didn’t need to be protected anymore, maybe he would finally see her as his equal.
She was so lost in thought that she didn’t even realize she had walked directly into someone, not just someone… she thought as she looked up, The Black General.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going. It was a long journey, I haven’t slept. Saints, I’m so sorry,” she was rambling and jumbling her words, but she couldn’t stop the nervous onslaught.
“Yes, you mentioned that,” he said smoothly, studying her. She found the courage to look up at him, poised to apologize again, anything to make this all go away, when she finally met his eyes the corner of his lips turned upward in a small smirk.
“Who are you?” he asked curiously.
“Alina Starkov, sir, Assistant Cartographer, Royal Corps of Surveyors,” she said nervously, “Again, I am so sorry. I will watch where I’m going in the future.”
His intensity didn’t scare her, per se, Alina had learned that fear was a useless emotion years ago, but it did make her uneasy. She wasn’t sure she wanted anyone’s attention, let alone The Black General.
“Cartographer,” he mused, “I’ll keep that in mind. You are dismissed, Ms. Starkov.”
“Thank you, General.”
He walked away from her first, causing her to follow him with her gaze until he disappeared into a large, white tent. Well, that was the weirdest thing to happen all day, she thought as she was standing, staring at The Fold, ironic.
“Alina!” she heard yelled from somewhere behind her. She whirled around, foolishly hoping it was the General coming back to say something else oddly intriguing, but it was just Mal. Wait, it’s Mal! She shook off the reaction from her encounter with the General and raced towards her best friend.
“Mal!” she said as he wrapped his arms around her and swung her around in a circle. She knew they were making a scene; soldiers didn’t greet each other this way, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care, not until she looked back towards the tent that the General had disappeared into and saw him standing in the doorway, staring.
She quickly detached herself from Mal, for reasons she didn’t even fully understand yet, and took a step back, creating space, making a statement. What that statement was, she was not sure.
“Look at you! You’re not that scrawny little girl I left in Keramzen anymore, are you?” Mal said as his gaze wandered over her. She pushed him away with a scowl at his words.
“I was never scrawny and I’m not a girl, Mal. It’s been a long time since you’ve seen me. I’ve changed.” She didn’t mean to sound so defensive, but she hasn’t put in all of this work for nothing. She is was strong, now. She didn’t need to be protected anymore; she didn’t need to be pitied.
“Calm down, Alina. I was just making a joke,” he said as he rolled his eyes, “Come on, I’ll take you to your tent.” When he put his arm around her to lead her away, she made eye contact with the General, and all she saw was fury. That can’t be good, she thought.
After a few hours of meeting all of Mal’s comrades and being referred to as nothing but, “Mal’s little friend from Keramzen” she was ready to have dinner with the rest of her cartography unit, far away from Mal. She didn’t know why his dismissal hurt so badly, maybe she had gotten her expectations up, maybe she thought he would finally feel like she was worthy of him, maybe she was delusional.
As she got to the front of the line, the man serving her food looked at her, eyes narrowed, and said “What’s a Shu girl doing here? Back of the line.” It was easy to forget, sometimes, that she looked mostly like her mother, from Shu Han, the enemy. Until now. She knew there was no fighting it, no explaining it away, so she reluctantly put down her tray and started to walk to the back of the line. Her pride told her to walk out of the tent altogether, but she knew she hadn’t had a real meal in days, and she needed her strength.
Before she could take more than a few steps she heard a smooth, cold voice from somewhere behind her. “What did you say?” She knew without having to turn around that it was the General and that he was angry. Is he ever not angry? she thought, but before her thoughts could stray too far, he was speaking again. “Are you refusing sustenance to the soldiers that are out fighting this war while you stand here and shovel gruel?”
The man behind the table was almost frozen in fear, “I- uh- I- I mean look at her!” he said loudly, “She’s Shu! She doesn’t belong here.”
“I beg your pardon?” the General said calmly with an undercurrent of venom. “She is risking her life for Ravka the same as every other person in this camp. You will not deny someone food based on the way they look, act, or speak or else you will be relieved of your duties. Do you understand?”
The man could only nod back at him and lamely hand Alina a tray of food. She took it from him and looked up at the General, “You didn’t have to do that, thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me because you’re not eating that, it's disgusting. Come with me,” he said as he offered her his arm. This is not going to end well, she thought again, but put the tray down, took his arm and followed regardless. If she saw the confused, angry look on Mal’s face as she walked out of the tent on the General’s arm, she didn’t mention it. Although, she was getting quite a few stares, only one quite as intense as Mal’s, from a dark-haired Grisha in a blue uniform. If looks could kill she thinks both her and the General would have been dead before the curtains on the tent closed behind them.
Once they were outside in the cool air and the quiet, she allowed herself to look down at her arm entwined with his and then up to his face, it was cool and impassive as they continued their walk, he never looked down at her, but he also never let go of her arm.
“Where are we going?” she asked finally.
“To my tent, I have much better food than the abomination that they serve in there,” he said, angling his head back to the tent they had just departed. “Unless” he paused and looked down at her, “that’s not what you want?”
She hesitated for a moment, this was the leader of the Second Army, he was Grisha, a shadow summoner, she should be running in the other direction, but she couldn’t find it in herself to be afraid. After all, she thought, the dark doesn’t scare me anymore.
“That sounds wonderful,” she finally said, “Thank you.”
As the General pulled back the curtain to his tent, she realized this wasn’t the Grisha tent that he had taken her to, but his own personal accommodations. Every single corner of the tent was shrouded in black, from the tapestries on the walls to the sheets on his bed, to the shadows that lingered in the corners.
“I see you like black,” she said with a giggle. Am I flirting with him? Her eyes went wide as she looked at him, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“ but by the time she locked eyes with him all she saw was humor in them.
“No need to apologize, Ms. Starkov, that’s quite funny.” He paused, “and yes I do like black, it matches my soul.” He said with a wink. Was the Black General flirting with me??
He walked past her, deeper into the tent to a small sitting area, on the table there was an array of bread, fruit and meat. “Please, help yourself,” he said.
Alina didn’t wait for anything as she sat down and started devouring everything she could see, “Is this how Grisha get to eat?” she asked, mouth full, forgetting any manners she was taught as a child. The General chuckled at her again, “Not usually, I like to make sure that my army stays grounded, eating with everyone else, but I do keep a small cache of food with me at all times, you have to allow yourself to indulge every once in a while.” He said the latter half of the sentence with hunger in his eyes and Alina finally noticed how absolutely rude she was being by eating all of this man’s food.
“Saints, I’m so sorry,” she said, placing the roll that was in her hand onto the table.
“Ms. Starkov-“ he started.
“Alina, call me Alina.”
He looked thoughtful for a second, “Alina,” he paused like he was trying to discern how her name tasted on his tongue, “you really need to stop giving apologies for things that do not require them.”
“But, this is your only food, I can’t be eating-“
“Alina,” he said again. She realized that him saying her name was quickly becoming her favorite sound. “You have been traveling for days, I’m sure you have encountered more than enough of that bigotry in the weeks before as well. Please. Eat.”
“Okay.” She said quietly, and she continued to eat. He decided that staring at her while she did so was not going to help with her misplaced guilt, so he decided to shift his focus to some documents he had been meaning to look over.
After Alina was fully satiated, she wiped her mouth with a silk napkin that was resting next to her plate and glanced up at the man occupying the tent with her. He was busy scanning what looked like war documents and he had yet to notice that she had finished eating, this gave her the opportunity to really look at him. He was tall, large but lean, with dark hair and a short beard. He was mature, knowledgeable, and from what she had experienced so far, kind. What is he doing here with me, then? she thought. There were tents full of beautiful Grisha women that she was sure could keep up with him much better than she could, so why was she here? He probably just wanted to look like a good guy, a knight in shining armor, but that’s not who he is. At least as far as she has heard. He instilled fear everywhere he went, she had heard the stories of his conquests, his lack of mercy, so who was this man sitting in front of her now?
“Was there something you wanted to ask me?” he questioned as if he could read her thoughts.
She hadn’t even noticed that he was looking up from the documents in his hands and was currently staring at her with an amused look in his eyes. Seriously, who is he?
“I’m just confused, sir,” she started, “All of the stories that I’ve heard, well, aren’t you supposed to be scary or something?”
“Are you not scared, Alina?” The humor in his eyes quickly switched to something dark, something she hadn’t seen in them yet, but still, she wasn’t afraid. Maybe that was by design, maybe he wanted to lure her into a false sense of safety, but Alina couldn’t shake the feeling that not even he knew what he was doing.
“Not particularly, no,” she said, “Although, I haven’t been afraid of the dark in a very long time.” The look on his face changed from dark to almost wonder as he stepped closer to her. It took most of her self-control to not step toward him at the same time, she felt a want, a need to touch him, but she stayed rooted exactly where she was. He took a few more steps until he was towering over her and she needed to tilt her head to maintain eye contact. He let out a breath as his hand rose up to caress her face as he continued to look at her like he was seeing something for the first time. He tiled his face down, his lips only a breath away, “Alina.”
Before his lips could finally touch hers, there was a commotion outside of the tent, “Where is she? I know he took her in there, she didn’t do anything wrong! Alina?!”
It was Mal, stupid, infuriating, irrational Mal, ruining any kind of moment that they might have had. She opened her mouth to speak but the General interrupted her before she could make a sound, “If you even think about apologizing for the actions of your little friend…” he trailed off.
She blushed and looked away from him. “Come, let’s see what all the chaos is about.” He clasped her hand in his and walked towards the curtain; right before he opened it, he glanced down at her, sighed, and released his grip on her hand. She noticed her disappointment immediately and tried not to show it on her face, it probably wasn’t a good idea to be holding his hand in public anyway. That didn’t stop her from sulking just a bit.
When they walked outside, Mal was being held back by two oprichniki, while he was violently thrashing to escape them. “Alina!”
The General nodded at his men to release the soldier and Mal started to rush to them, only stopping when the General softly put his hand in front of Alina in a statement of protection.
“And who are you?” the General asked coldly.
“Malyen Oretsev, Tracker, First Army,” Mal said through his teeth, “Sir.”
“And what seems to be the problem, tracker?” the General said, not hiding a bit of his disgust.
Mal took a second to look between the General and Alina, she was slightly behind him, his arm still out in front of her. Alina was looking at Mal with nothing but rage on her face, planted firmly where she stood.
“What do you want, Mal?” she asked, annoyed. The General looked down at her, the realization that he did not need to protect her from this boy as he put his arm back down to his side, but he did not move from his slight position in front of her.
“What’s going on, Alina? What are you doing here, with him?” Mal said with disdain.
“I was eating.” She said plainly, offering no other explanation.
The General spoke up again, then, “As I said, what seems to be the problem?”
Mal looked utterly confused, but also defeated, “Uh, nothing… I guess,” he stuttered. He looked back at Alina, “Well, are you finished? We’ve got to get some rest before tomorrow.”
Alina looked up at the General, waiting for him to look back at her, but he would not take his eyes off the tracker. He still didn’t believe the boy wasn’t going to do anything stupid. Alina put her hand on his arm in a pleading gesture to look at her. He reluctantly peeled his eyes from Mal and turned fully so his entire body was blocking hers. ‘
“Are we?” she asked, blushing.
“Are we what?” the General questioned, the heat returning to his eyes.
“Finished.”
“That is entirely up to you, Ms. Starkov.”
Keeping her eyes locked on the General’s she said, “Go on without me, Mal. I’ll catch up to you later.”
The General’s smile was almost as blinding as it was brief, it made Alina wonder just how often he was chosen, not for his status or out of fear, but just for who he is. You don’t really even know him, Alina. She shook the thoughts out of her head, placed her hand in his and walked with him back into his tent, desperate to see what would happen next.
All of the confidence that Alina had while facing Mal had disappeared as she stood in front of the General; neither of them had said anything since being alone once again. She looked down to her feet, suddenly very aware that she was alone, with a much more experienced man that had almost kissed her a few minutes ago. She wasn’t a virgin, or a prude, she just hadn’t had a lot of opportunity. Most men couldn’t see past her mixed heritage, and the few that could, well, it seemed like they had a good time, she just didn’t really see what she was supposed to get out of it.
“What are you thinking?” The General asked, his eyes bouncing back and forth between hers, occasionally stopping at her lips.
Not wanting to let him in on the inner dialogue that was going on, “What do I call you?” She blurted out.
“What do you call me, when?” he asked, the hunger back in his eyes. What the hell does that mean?
“I just- I assume your name isn’t actually General, and if we’re going to be having more conversation, I’d like to know what I can call you.”
“You see, Alina. That is something that even my closest advisors do not know, but for some reason all I want to hear is my name on your lips. Can I trust you?” Alina was taken aback by the question, she didn’t realize that someone’s name could be a treasured secret, but if he was looking for proof that he could trust her, she would give it.
“I won’t tell a soul,” she said, lifting her pinky in the air towards him. He looked down at her smallest finger, confusion written on his face. “What? You’ve never made a pinky promise before?”
“No, Alina, I can’t say that I have.” He said as she laughed. She grabbed his opposite hand, ignoring the sparks that flew with their skin-to-skin contact, folded down his thumb and first four fingers, wrapped her pinky around his and leaned down to kiss her closed fist. He raised an eyebrow at her and she said, “All pinky promises have to be sealed with a kiss, it’s the rule.” She moved her eyes between his mouth and his hand, thinking he would seal the promise in the same way that he did, instead he dropped their joined hands, and she was immediately nervous that she had taken it a step too far.
She opened her mouth to apologize but before she could speak, he had taken her face in both of his hands and brushed his lips against hers in a soft, lingering kiss. “How was that?” he asked as he pulled away, his eyes locked onto hers.
“That was- yeah, that works too General,” she said, clearly flustered.
“Please,” he said, leaning back down to hover his lips over hers, “Call me Aleksander.”
“Aleksander,” she sighed, their breath intertwining. As soon as the word was out of her mouth his lips descended on hers once again, this time hot, and hungry. She had thought that she was the one starving for the last few weeks, but the fervor in which this man kissed her, she could have sworn it was him. His tongue slipped into her mouth as he explored her, his left hand slipping down to cradle her neck, his thumb stroking just under her jaw. He pulled back just long enough to push her long black hair over her shoulder and pull back the top of her military-issue uniform as he gave her neck the attention her lips just had. Alina let out a moan, no one had ever touched her like this before, so ravenously. Her moan was like a bucket of ice being dropped on Aleksander’s head as he pulled away from her.
“What’s wrong?” Alina asked, trying to regain her breathing.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Aleksander said softly, “You’re human. I need not forget that.”
And there it was, he didn’t want her because she wasn’t Grisha. She should have seen this coming, Ravkans didn’t want her because she was part Shu, Mal didn’t want her because he saw her as a friend, Aleksander didn’t want her because she couldn’t heal people, or throw fire with her hands.
She immediately pulled away from him and turned her back, trying to will the tears not to come. How could she have let herself get in this deep?
“Alina,” he said, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder. “Look at me, please.” His tone was so soft, so gentle, she had no reason not to comply. Searching her face he asked, “What just happened?”
“It’s fine, General. I know I’m not one of your kind, I’m not even fully Ravkan. Thank you for the food, I appreciate it more than you know, I’ll just… get out of your hair.” As she tried to push past him, he held on to her upper arm firmly, not hurting but also not letting her move.
“Why are you putting words in my mouth? I said none of those things.” He was searching her face trying to figure out where everything went wrong. “I just, I’ve lived for a long time, Alina. I do not want to take advantage of something if you are not ready.”
Ignoring the second half of his sentence she asked, “How long?”
“How long have I been alive, you mean?” Aleksander asked pointedly. “I think that’s a topic for another day, my Alina. I think it's best that you get some rest. Tomorrow is your first full day on base, and I'd be a bad General if I let you go into it sleep deprived on top of everything else."
Alina looked down, dejectedly. She had pushed too far, and she knew it.
“Thank you, again for your hospitality, Aleksander. I do hope this is not the last time we get to speak.” She didn’t make eye contact with him as she walked out of the tent and back to her own.