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“Jaehyun, come out of your room! It’s your turn to spend a whole day with the best photographer ever~” A familiar voice singsongs behind the door of his sunlit room. Jaehyun groans, groggy and body heavy, head empty when the knocks pierced annoyingly into his ears again. He ransacks his brain for any good reason a decent human would wake him so early in the morning, but before he could even ask his braincell to work, his alarm (the alarm being in the name of Taeyong) strides into his room with his full glory.
“Aye hyung,” the younger whines, pulling the blanket up to cover his face with it. “30 more minutes.” he mumbles. His eyes however, instead of drifting back to sleep, shot up the very moment he felt the heaviness of a human body above him. Taeyong had just jumped to tackle him down and wake him up in the most Taeyong way ever, but maybe that worked in more ways than how he expected it to. Because Jaehyun, although wide awake and alive, had taken this opportunity to grab the older by the shoulder and entangle his limbs all over his body to prevent him from moving further, all in a mischievous chuckle.
“Happy fifth anniversary, hyung.” Jaehyun whispers with his deep morning voice while burying his nose in the crook of Taeyong’s neck.
Now it wasn’t supposed to be in the plan for Jaehyun to make his heart flutter so early like this. The plan was to make Jaehyun’s heart flutter early, then attack his vital points and make him finally succumb to the Paju trip he has been trying to invite him to. But here they are limbs entangled and Taeyong’s heart beating wildly inside his poor ribs.
“Anniversary— what are you even talking about you rascal.” Taeyong tries to squirm, breathing getting labored as his respiratory system tries to compensate for his heart’s dramatic ass.
Much to his annoyance, Jaehyun only chuckles. “The NCT U anniversary, remember? I haven’t gotten the time to greet you. You and Ten left me to eat out alone.”
If this was any other situation, Taeyong’s heart would drop—maybe even squeeze itself tight that it would hurt, but today, as Jaehyun hugs (cuddles really) him on the bed, the butterflies inside him starts to send mix signals into his brain.
“That’s like 2 weeks ago, Jung Yoonoh.” He finally scrambles back up to sit on his feet by the foot of the bed, dusting the invisible creases on his shirt just so his eyes wouldn’t meet Jaehyun’s. He coughs and awkwardly observes the room for the same reason. He locks his eyes on the piano beside and speaks, “g-get ready. You promised to come to Paju to teach me about photography or something…” he says before running away in panic.
Jaehyun watches him with a blooming smile.
“Five years. By then our career would be stable enough to handle relationships.” Taeyong says, the guilt engulfing his orbs as it gazes unto Jaehyun’s equally round ones. “Give me five years to answer. Hm?”
Maybe Taeyong had forgotten Jaehyun’s long confession, but the younger could still vividly remember the date and time of that promise. And maybe it was genuinely concerning to remember almost every detail of that night, but to Jaehyun, it was an oath he’s willing to commit years of his life into.
Happy fifth supposed anniversary, hyung. Jaehyun softly whispers in the silent room.
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“You two better behave.” Their manager warns as he turns the car towards the drop off area. “I don’t want to read articles about fans causing a scandal in the area once they notice you.”
“Relax.” Taeyong puts both his hands up, leaving his camera hanging around his neck. “I just want Jaehyun to teach me about photography since I’ve been bragging to my fans about my new camera. No one will even notice.” he gives him a reassuring nod before bidding his goodbye and opening the door to the passenger seat. Jaehyun follows right after but not without giving a sheepish grin and a shrug towards their manager.
The moment he arrives by the entrance, he sees Taeyong helplessly ogle at the golden gate; eyes almost twinkling and mouth hanging in pure awe. “It’s huge.” He says, almost comically that Jaehyun couldn’t help but snicker. Unlike the older, Jaehyun was admiring something—someone— much more valuable than the giant, golden gate. Jaehyun looks at Taeyong with both longing and contentment—longing for something more, but at the same time feeling content of just having him standing beside him like this; beautiful and natural.
Jaehyun hears the older mumble adorably to himself, “I am going to take so many good pictures” that it made him chuckle at his antics. He teasingly places his hands to the leader’s whole face just to take his eyes off it, earning himself a little hiss.
“The pictures are not going to take themselves, you know?” he says before walking inside with a grin.
“Yah Jung Yoonoh—” Taeyong shouts but immediately covers his mouth when he realizes that would have blown their cover. He takes his mask out of his pocket and runs to the younger’s direction hurriedly. He briskly walks beside him, admiring the landscape blooming with colors and grace and then he thought of how lovely it would’ve been to be able to grow them in his room and maybe let his fishes see but he stops his thoughts and shakes his head to focus on his agenda for today. Taeyong takes his camera out and snaps a few pictures.
The whole area was so rich, not with gold, but with living beings. Jaehyun couldn’t help but roam his eyes around the scenery. If there is one thing he’s loving in this botanical garden, it’s the feeling of serenity—something he hasn’t felt in a while because of all their busy schedules. The place was grandeur, but at the same time it felt so natural, like home, like Taeyong.
They spent a few minutes in silence just trying to register the place first and find a map so they’d be able to determine where they’d go. Jaehyun, however, spent most of his stealing subtle glances at the person next to him, silently smiling as he notices his now pinked cheeks after he pulls his mask off for a while. He was bare-faced, but to him he looks just as beautiful.
Jaehyun loves that part of his hyung; the natural, genuine, caring part of him. He loves it when Taeyong would always talk to him honestly if he ever makes mistake, loves it when Taeyong caresses his hair as an act of comfort because he knows deep down, Jaehyun’s fear is eating him alive, he loves Taeyong’s scent because somehow it feels like home, he loves it when Taeyong squeezes his hands before he accepts an unfamiliar gig like acting or being an MC at Inkigayo. Jaehyun loves it when Taeyong exposes himself so naturally like this. And maybe if Jaehyun were to enumerate everything that he loves about his hyung, he would take an entire day telling you the littlest details he adores about him.
“What do you want to learn today?” Jaehyun turns his head towards the man snapping several pictures beside him to finally start whatever they came here for.
Taeyong stops on his track and comically strokes his fake beard. “Candid photography!” He makes an ‘aha’ gesture before nodding to himself.
Jaehyun shrugs, “alright. I’ll teach you along the way.” he says before walking along the path with the older. “Why did you choose me though? Johnny or Ten hyung could’ve helped you better than I could ever.”
“I wanted to spend time with you.” Taeyong says, not even a second after the question, as if he was already expecting it to be asked today. Jaehyun’s breath almost audibly hitches as he feels his heart tumble into a spiral yet again. He reminds himself that Taeyong probably didn’t mean it the way he thinks it does but it still doesn’t stop the fact that his ears are probably burning as of now.
Jaehyun puts up a smile instead after finding his voice, “then let’s make our time memorable.”
Taeyong nods in affirmation, determined and ready when he pushes Jaehyun towards the rows of tulips decorating the garden by the furthest part of it, just before their entry to the forest-like track. He sits on the stone fence and admires the colors, thinking how beautiful they’d be in a photograph. He asks the younger to take a picture of him to which he happily obliges, not seeing how Jaehyun was muttering the word beautiful in every click he makes.
Taeyong watches the flowers when a thought came to his mind that made a smile creep his lips, “one time I thought the tulips that I saw were a bunch of red roses.” He laughs to himself—that familiar backward hiccup laugh Jaehyun had always endeared. “Ah I even told the fans about. Come to think of it, I must’ve been a fool back then.” He snickers.
Jaehyun laughs, not because of Taeyong’s stupidity that time, but because of the mere sight of him enjoying such thought way too much that his eyes were disappearing from the scrunch that came with that beautiful smile. Serenity. Yet again, this serene feeling enveloped him.
Jaehyun thought a while later that this feeling had been an effect of the botanical garden’s healing atmosphere. It wasn’t until now that he realizes that it was because of Taeyong. It was because of his comfortable presence radiating to wrap Jaehyun like a burrito, safe and secured inside his little compartment. Jaehyun felt serenity not because of the place, but because of who he is with. And just like a habit, he falls, and he delves deeper and deeper into the older’s round orbs and watches himself spiral down the unknown without regrets.
“What do you think they could mean?” Taeyong leans on his arms and pushes his face closer to smell the scent of the specifically yellow flower before inhaling its fragrance with his eyes closed.
“Hopeless love.” Jaehyun’s lips twitches into a sad smile. Taeyong on the other hand flutters his eyes open, yet he didn’t turn to look at him, merely drifting into space. “At least that’s what it meant during my grandma’s time. I think it’s different now. It means sunshine, friendship and such things.” The younger added sheepishly this time and gulps.
Taeyong leans back, exhaling. He doesn’t say anything when he sees the red one but the tilt of his head meant a thousand words to Jaehyun already.
“Red tulips symbolizes deep and passionate love.” Jaehyun’s eyes fixates over it before it naturally gazes unto Taeyong who was already caressing the red flower a little too lovingly.
“I like it more.”
Jaehyun watches him and takes his camera to click on a few pictures prior to noticing a particular one standing out in the middle of two colors. It was a tulip, blooming in both red and yellow. He felt his body unintentionally walking to it with a soft smile. When Taeyong notices this and moves his eyes to wherever Jaehyun is looking at, he sees the same beautiful red and yellow tulip.
“What do you think this could mean?” Jaehyun asks this time as he crouches down to look at it.
Taeyong moves a little bit closer and gazes at it before speaking. “That maybe the hopeless love is turning into deep love? Or that it wasn’t even hopeless in the first place, just a little blended by circumstance.”
Taeyong had never once told Jaehyun how he truly feels for him. Even after Jaehyun’s confession on the rooftop in the midst of the cold night air of April just a few weeks after their debut, the older had hesitated and told him to prioritize their careers first instead. Maybe because he knows how much Jaehyun had worked to achieve this. His hyung was there when Jaehyun cried in the practice room after a tiring evaluation day, he was there when Jaehyun got scolded by their teacher for being unable to memorize his steps even though he was juggling both his studies and training, he was there when Jaehyun cried of pure bliss after their debut, and he was there when Jaehyun achieved his little goals one by one. And maybe Taeyong, being the witness of everything, doesn’t want to ruin that—doesn’t want to ruin Jaehyun. So instead of pushing and fighting for it, Jaehyun nodded and took in every bit of feeling in his system to keep it for later and tucks every bit of hope for their relationship safely inside a little cage so he’d stop feeling like he’s going mad for longing over Taeyong all too much.
No matter how long, I’m willing to wait. Young Jaehyun used to tell him.
Jaehyun blinks and coughs awkwardly when he leans back to stand straight, now being the one that refuses to look at Taeyong. Although he is willing and patient, he doesn’t have the balls to confess again now. He’s afraid that this time, Taeyong might really reject him for real. Jaehyun pushes a small smile to himself, a tinge of bitterness swirling in his mouth before he swallows it yet again. He dismisses the weird atmosphere and invites Taeyong to walk further into the garden.
Jaehyun inhales the fresh air of his surroundings as they reach the area with thicker woods. “The thing about candid photography is that you, as the photographer, would have to be discreet with your movements.” Jaehyun tells the seemingly interesting leader that’s following him like a puppy. “Kind of like what Dispatch does.” He says, face contorted into disgust.
“Have you ever taken candid photos?” Taeyong asks before turning back to take photos of the area again.
“A lot.” Jaehyun almost scoffs. Most of them are pictures of you. “I’m probably an expert at this point.” He raises his brow up and down in a smug, making Taeyong roll his eyes playfully. He groans slightly when the latter shoves his phone to his toned stomach.
“Okay, expert. Please demonstrate.” Taeyong happily skips towards the nearby tree and strikes a pose.
“That’s not candid.” Jaehyun states as a matter of factly to which Taeyong dismisses. After his turn, the older snatches Jaehyun’s phone from his hand and pushes him to do the same, mumbling phrases like “it’s for instagram,” “ooohh handsome,” “pose there, like this” as if he’s a proud stage mom.
Later on, Taeyong does the same and skips towards the pond to strike another pose.
“This is defeating the purpose of being candid.” Jaehyun scoffs.
Taeyong hisses, “aye just do it already. The view is so nice.”
“You’re probably using me to be your photographer today, aren’t you? This isn’t about learning. Whoa you’re really slick.” He clicks his tongue but immediately stops after seeing Taeyong’s glare. “Fine.” he clicks the button and takes a few pictures from different angles. Taeyong comes running back to look at his photos.
The pond extended for a few meters, with green mosses everywhere, but there was a bridge where they could step unto to get to the other side. Of course, Taeyong being Taeyong held unto Jaehyun for his dear life, afraid that he might fall and miraculously gets eaten by pond crocodiles or whatever those shits he sees on his regular Animal Planet marathon. Being the annoying younger ‘brother’ (yeah that shit hurts everytime), Jaehyun teases him into posing for their supposed “lesson” of the day.
They arrived at a place with several rocks stacked up in a pile just by the shore. And it was when Taeyong took his hand in an intertwine and pulled him a little too excitedly so they could look closer. The first thing that came into Jaehyun’s mind was the possibility of being exposed, of being secretly taken pictures of by the sasaengs or paparazzis but it was immediately cut off when Taeyong crouches down and takes one of the random rock around all the while still holding Jaehyun’s hand nonchalantly.
“Hyung..” Jaehyun whispers, almost breathless and weak in the joints. By now he didn’t even realize how tight he’s holding the older’s hand as if he was afraid it would disappear like a thin bubble, never to be felt again. “Hyung..” he says, a little louder for Taeyong to look up with the brightest smile.
“Stacking rocks like this bring good fortune, Jaehyun-ah.” He giggles excitedly before getting back to his serious business. “I’m holding your hand so I can share the good fortune with you.”
“Hyung…” Jaehyun says dumbly. At this point he literally could not verbalize anything aside from hyung and it’s becoming concerning. He could feel Taeyong's thumb gently caressing the back of his hand but his brain was already running into haywire for him to think straightly now.
“From what I heard, you can also make a wish on these rocks,” Taeyong groans as he reaches for another stone. “Hyung will make your wish come true through this connection, Jaehyunnie.” He adds, not even slightly distracted from his concentration that it almost feels like he’s talking to himself rather than Jaehyun. “From now on, I’ll hold your hand.”
Jaehyun didn’t say anything but only watched the man below him closing his eyes in wishful thinking.
“Don’t say that.” The younger says voice constricted. Taeyong halts in the middle of stacking a rock for a few seconds before he looks back at him with confusion this time.
“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, hyung.” The younger audibly evens his breathing. “I can…” Jaehyun closes his eyes. “I can wait for you for five more years, I don’t really care just.. Just don’t give me false hope, else I’d feel like losing my mind.” he exhales, refusing to open his lids. It feels like a dam has been broken inside him that he couldn’t help but let everything overflow the river.
But instead of a comforting touch, instead of Taeyong’s hands caressing his, he lets his hand go from the hold. Jaehyun knew something like this would come. That Taeyong would one day let him go because of their shitty circumstances as idols, but he never expected it to feel like it’s ripping him inside out that he wanted to laugh in pain if that was even possible.
When he opens his eyes expecting the guilty look on his hyung’s face, he notices his stretched arms holding a camera instead. Jaehyun frowns and looks at it wordlessly for a minute before lifting his eyes to the older whose smile was soft and dare Jaehyun say, loving.
Jaehyun hesitantly lifts his hands to receive it, “y—you want me to take a picture of you and the lake?”
A small chuckle left the older’s pink lips. “Open the gallery for me, will you?”
“Oh.” Jaehyun only says before clicking several buttons. Yeah, maybe forgetting about what he just said and what they just did is what’s best for them. He looks for the saved pictures in the camera but his heart drops and comes back up when he notices all he sees are his candid photos only aside from pictures of sceneries.
He pushes a button and it was him admiring the trees, he clicks another one and it was him walking ahead of him after that tulip incident, he clicks another and it was his photo with the yellow-red tulip, a smile clearly evident in his face. He clicks more and more yet all he sees are hidden photos. And as if that wasn’t enough, Taeyong hands him his phone, the screen displaying photos in an album labeled with a heart emoji and a peach. Jaehyun looks at Taeyong first before his eyes scans the entire screen.
It was him preparing a small bag for his filming of Dear.M, another was him getting ready for Inkigayo, another one was him all smile and dimples listening to his hyung’s chaotic stories in the practice room. There was more of it, so much more that he felt like he’d stop breathing if he views everything. When he looked back at Taeyong, the older was brightly smiling, ready to shame the sun.
“Five years.” Taeyong starts. “I waited five whole years for you too.”
The words hit Jaehyun like giant waves and he felt his eyes starting to get wet.
“Now that we’re both stable enough to handle all the shits that will come into our lives, I feel like I can now confess to you too, Yoonoh.” Taeyong takes a few steps forward, careful and gentle when he places a hand on the younger’s cheek to caress it with his thumb. “I meant what I said when I told you I’ll hold your hand from now on..”
Jaehyun’s lips started quivering a little bit embarrassingly like a child. “Hyung…”
Taeyong laughs heartily at his big baby before pulling him by the neck for a hug. “Did you suffer a lot while waiting, baby?”
Jaehyun sniffs and buries his head at the crook of his neck before nodding. “I thought I was a yellow tulip.” His voice cracks hilariously that it earned him another hearty laugh from the older. This made him sob harder as he shamelessly wails like a little kid.
“There, there my little red tulip.” Taeyong giggles as he rubs the younger’s back and head simultaneously. “What do you think about my candid photography skills?”
“Amazing. Fantastic. Beyond ordinary. Incredible. Astonishing. Mind-blowing.” Jaehyun digs his brain for any more synonyms of the word. “Astounding. Breathtaking. Fascinating—”
“Okay there walking dictionary I get it.”
“Hyung..” Jaehyun starts after a while. “You really like me?” He leans back and looks into Taeyong’s orbs where he could see the opening of his soul.
“You know what I wished on that stacked up rock?”
“What?” Jaehyun frowns.
Taeyong softly smiles as he fixes the younger’s now wet fringes. “I wish that those five years would be worth our wait. That we can finally love each other to our heart’s content.
“We should’ve started five years ago I know, but I also know it would’ve taken a big toll on us as rookie idols. I was afraid that aside from our career, we might also ruin our love—our friendship. Now… this should be different. It might be a lot harder as idols, but I only wish at the end of it all I can still hold your hand and give you endless red tulips.” Taeyong chuckles. “I wished for nothing more than a life with you.”
“Happy anniversary, love.”