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“Hurry, hurry, Karin-chan!”
Just like every time, Rin dances out in front of me, ever the bundle of undying energy. It is nice, seeing her so excited for something like a simple date. Bouncing around, a bright smile on her face. I’m embarrassed to say, but even the little things like that make my chest tighten just ever so slightly. A smile of my own breaks out and I call out to her.
“You’ll get lost again if you run so far ahead.”
Like a dog called by its owner, Rin darts back my way, now walking backwards while facing me. A smirk spreads across her lips and she leans forward a bit. “But isn’t it Karin-chan that needs me to stick close so she doesn’t get lost?”
As much as I’d like to dispute that, I feel my cheeks heat up and any argument I could make lost traction before it could begin. But I don’t stumble on my words and instead sigh. “You’re quite something to be able to say something like that to your senpai so easily.”
Rin tilts her head gives a “hmmm,” before laughing. “You say that, but your face is all red!” This time, I’m about one second away from making a fool of myself by stuttering over a response when Rin thankfully speaks up again. “But that’s good! I think that part of Karin-chan is cute too!”
I close my mouth before I can just sit there gaping like an idiot. But that moment of pause seems to be enough as Rin laughs and runs back ahead of me. Instead of calling out this time, I just relax and take my time, watching her look around, ever eager to find something new for us to do. Our dates usually aren’t very well-planned, we just decide on a place and walk around until something catches our eyes; more often than not, something that catches Rin’s eyes, I might add. As easy as she is to entertain, dates are certainly the easiest part of our relationship.
The hardest part… somehow feels like moments like this. Rin is a person who runs ahead; running comes as naturally to her as breathing. She’ll always bounce from one thing to the next, nothing ever holding her attention for long. And that’s… just a little scary, maybe. Ugh. I can already tell how this must comes across to others. I’m not a clingy girlfriend who needs attention 24/7, far from it. Alone time, a good amount of it, is always appreciated and Rin’s learned to respect that. But just… Don’t get me wrong. I love seeing Rin happy and bouncing around like that. That ability of hers to charge ahead towards whatever catches her interest charmed me quite a bit ago.
“Karin-chan! Come look at this!”
And yet… in moments like these, sometimes I find myself wishing she would just walk. That she would slow down and walk next to me. It sounds so cheesy and it’s probably not something to worry about, huh? After all, it’s not like we never walk together side-by-side, it’s just that things tend to lean in this direction. Rin has trouble sitting still or taking her time with things. So she’s always running ahead. So who am I to tell her to stop? For her, this is just normal, it’s part of her. And I don’t want to be the weight tied to her foot. I finally catch up to her where she’s pointing at some cats in cages through the front of a pet shop. I’m sure she’s dying to go in, but with her allergies, a visit in here would cut our date short. And yes, we know that from experience.
“Look, look! Ah, they’re so cute! Rin wants to join them, nya!” She follows this up by striking what I guess are supposed to be cat-like poses.
I laugh and nudge her. “You want to be trapped in a cage all day?”
Rin puffs her cheeks out and shakes her head so fast I wonder if it’ll come flying off. “That’s not what I mean, Karin-chan!” She thinks about it for a second. “If Rin was in a cage though, would you buy her?” From the assumedly genuine look of confusion on her face, I could… almost think of this as a serious question.
“Well, of course, my little kitten.” I lean in as a say this, close enough that Rin’s face lights up. “What’s wrong, Rin?” I drop my voice enough to give it a sexy drawl on her name. I’ll admit, the first couple of times I tried this, it was a failure due to… well, she’s my first girlfriend, take that as you will.
Rin glances around before apparently noticing something just oh so interesting a few stores down and gives a, “W-Woah, look at that!” before running off again.
A single thought comes to mind as I watch her run off. Not ‘she’s so cute.’ Not ‘I’m glad I was able to embarrass her so easily.’ No, none of that. Seeing Rin’s back again when she was so close to me just moments before… somehow, the only thing that comes to mind is, ‘I should have stopped her.’ And with that thought in mind, I blow out a low sigh before it’s my turn to have my attention grabbed. I give a glance towards Rin who’s preoccupied looking at something through a shop window. Alright, let’s do this quickly.
…
“Karin-chan, Karin-chan! Huh…? Karin-chan…? Oooiii! Karin-chan, where are— Nya!?” Seeing Rin jump like that as I press the stuffed cat against her neck has me laughing, probably harder than I have in a while. “K-Karin-chan!? What are you doing!?” Rin probably tried a pout but I continue pushing the cat against her, making her laugh instead.
Once I’ve had my fill of that music, I pull it back just a bit so she can see exactly what I’m a holding. That would be a stuff cat, the colour of her hair, kinda of cartoony but she always seemed to like that kind of thing so I figured it would be a safe bet. “I just had to make a quick detour.”
After taking a second to stare at the cat as if she’s worried it might vanish, sparkles fill her eyes. “I-Is this for Rin!?” I nod and she grabs it, hugging it so tightly I worry it might burst. But the thing holds together and Rin laughs like a kid on Christmas morning. Is that overused? Well, whatever. “Uwah! Thank you, Karin-chan!” Rin decides I’m next up for hugs and practically dives into me.
“Haha, you’re very welcome.” Anytime I can see her act like that, whatever I did was probably worth it. In this case, at the incredibly expensive cost of a couple thousand yen I get to see Rin smiling up at me like that.
“I love you, Karin-chan!”
I reach up and run a hand through her hair. Her response is to lean into it. Geez, it really is just like petting a small animal. “I love you too. Now, come on. People are starting to stare.” Not that it’s a big deal or anything, but I’d rather not become the centre of attention just because my girlfriend divebombed a hug into me.
“Right, nya!” Rin salutes as she separates from me. “Then let’s go!” She turns to take off again, but this time, I reach out without thinking, grabbing her wrist and stopping her acceleration. She tilts her head as she looks back. “Karin-chan?” Eh? Well… I didn’t really have anything planned to say, I just kind of… “What’s wrong? You look worried…”
Rin gets right up in my face as if that whole reading the soul through the eyes thing is real and she’s taking her sweet time examining mine. I swallow a lump that I didn’t realize was there. Now that I’m in the position to talk, the whole thing feels ridiculous. If I give some big speech about it, she’ll probably just laugh it off and tell me it’s nothing to worry about… No. I don’t think that low of Rin. And after worrying her, I probably owe something of an explanation. Well, here goes nothing, I suppose. I take a deep breath.
“It’s nothing.” What? “N-No, I mean…” Don’t back down. “It’s not… nothing, it’s just…”
“Just?”
The look of worry sends a pang of guilt through my heart and I feel like my body deflates. Luckily or unluckily, my reservation somewhat escapes as well. “I just… thought we should walk together, right?” I do my best to push a smile through whatever look I had moments ago. A model should be able to smile no matter how she feels, come on, Karin. From just a glance at Rin, either this is the most pathetic excuse for a fake smile, or she’s seen right through me.
“I don’t mind of course but… Is that really it?”
Ha… seeing right through me it is. People may give Rin trouble for her less than stellar grades, but she’s not an idiot. Well… when it comes to people anyways. Or at the very least when it comes to me. That knowing look on her face makes me feel like the idiot here. Was I always this insecure? It’s a stupid worry and I know it is. And yet… I can’t help it. Karin, you idiot…
“I… sometimes, I just want you here, like this.” I grab her hand and give it a squeeze. “This is something precious to me. But I’m not exactly living life in the fast lane. I fixate on one thing and keep at it for days, months, who knows. But you’ll take interest in dozens of things. Once something catches your eye, you’ll run off for it. And I love that about you, but…” You know, people say that it feels good to finally bear feelings that you’ve been bottling up, but they’re full of shit. I feel like a little girl admitting that I’m scared that there’s something in my closet.
Rin squeezes my hand and offers a smile.
“... I guess I’m a bit afraid.” Rin nods. She already knows what I’m going to say now. “That one day something might catch your interest far away. And I… I’ll just have to wait back and watch your back until I can’t see it anymore.” Without realizing it, I had tightened my grip on her hand so I let up a bit. “So…” My face is heating up. I don’t have stage fright, but I imagine this is hundreds of times worse. But there’s no room for pride or whatever here. So suck it up. “Sometimes I just want to be next to you, to hold hands like this and know that if I look to my side, I’ll see you. Even if by my side might not be the most interesting place.” I laugh a bit, but it’s slightly forced.
“Karin-chan…” With a slight twist and a hop, Rin plants herself right there, at my side, leaning her shoulder into mine and holding my hand against her side. “You should have said something! I know I get distracted easily so it might seem like I’m ignoring you… But I’m looking for things for us both to enjoy! Because I want Karin-chan to have just as much fun as Rin when we’re on dates! I really didn’t know you felt that way, I’m sorry…”
If there was ever a time for an insert of cat ears lowering, this would be it. “Rin…”
“But you have nothing to worry about, nya! Rin will never leave you behind! And she’ll never lose interest in you or anything like that! And I can walk slowly as long as it’s with Karin-chan! If I’m ever walking too fast, you just need to tell me! And I’ll be right back here in no time! After all…” Rin leans into me and takes a deep breath. “Right here is my favourite spot.”
Ahhh… She really did make me the idiot in the end. Well… I suppose being the idiot isn’t always a bad thing. But in that moment, with her so close and her words sinking in, it really does feel like I was worried for nothing. In fact, it fills my chest with courage rather than fear, kind of a, ‘I can do anything!’ feeling. And so I do exactly what I want, leaning down, which is very awkward in this position so I’m grateful that Rin separates somewhat to look up at me, and I plant quick kiss on unsuspecting lips.
Not missing a beat, I slip right back into what Rin likes to call ‘Cool Karin,’ and smile. “Well then, shall we continue our date?” At that, Rin snaps out of her daze immediately and throws our joined hands into the air while showing me perhaps the brightest smile I've ever seen out of her. And that's saying something.
“Let’s go, nya!”