Work Text:
Head Archivist: Jonathan Sims
Audio recorded: 12-05-2021
Supplemental: 26-05-2021
Transcribed: 28-05-2021
Additional material: 05-06-2021
Additional material: 21-06-2021
Case 0210512
Jonathan Sims: Statement of Tommyinnit, regarding a series of encounters with the supernatural entity assumed to be SBI. Original statement given May 12, 2021. Audio recorded directly from subject.
JS: Please state your name and the subject of your experience.
Tommyinnit: Now?
JS: [sighs] Yes, now.
T: Into that?
JS: Yes, into that. I can assure you that it is quite capable of fulfilling its purpose.
T: I can come back with my own equipment if you need, mate. You really think that thing’s going to survive a recording?
JS: Please state your name.
T: That microphone’ll disintegrate if I yell into it.
JS: Then I suggest that you refrain from doing so. Please state your name.
T: Where’s the animal crossing music when you need it? Hold on—think I have some downloaded. [nervous, forced laughter]
JS: Did you come here to waste my time?
T: No. I—I just—
JS: Name. Please.
T: Fine. Tommyinnit.
JS: Your real name. Full, legal name.
T: Look. I’m a streamer—Youtuber, more like. My name’s Tommyinnit. Can I just go by that, please?
[ JS : Note from pre-stream research. Tommyinnit and his friends are well-known streamers and online creators. Some of his friends are anonymous in instances of face, name, or both. See ‘Ranboo’ or ‘Dream’. For this reason, he will be allowed to use his online handle, and the names of his friends will not be requested for the remainder of the statement.]
JS: Fine. And your reason for making an appointment?
T: I’m not crazy, okay?
JS: Sure. Get to the point, please, I don’t have all day.
T: What did you call them? SBI?
JS: Yes.
T: And what do I need to tell you about them?
JS: Kid, this isn’t an interview. It’s a statement. Tell me your story and maybe we’ll be able to help you.
T: Okay.
[pauses]
I don’t know where to start.
JS: The beginning.
T: Yeah. Alright. The beginning.
[takes drink from water bottle]
I think that it started with the crows. Nasty buggers. Always chasing me around, for as long as I can remember. I’d be walking on the beach and Boom! there’d be crows, all around me. Or I’d be getting on the bus and one or two would literally follow me on.
It was never really a problem, though. Not much of one, at least—but it started to get worse this year.
They—uh, they start tapping at my window? Which—I mean, it’s not the biggest deal. But it’s a little creepy, right? Crows don’t just pick a window and then decide that all day, they’re going to sit in front of it and peck at the glass.
So, yeah, they would sit at my window—just mine though, not at any of the others. And they would tap. Got to the point where I had to put up soundproofing foam during streaming because otherwise, viewers would be able to hear them.
JS: And this started happening when?
T: I don’t know—ever since I was a kid, I guess. But first it was just one or two that I would see when I went out for walks. It’s, uh, it’s more than that now. They started tapping about a month ago.
JS: And how does SBI relate to the crows?
T: Tell a story , you say. It’s not an interview , you say. I’m trying! I’ll get there—be patient, mate.
JS: Sorry. Continue.
T: So. The crows. One day, I’m walking to the bus stop with them following me—more than usual, which means a lot when there’s always a flock above my head. And all of a sudden they started to do this weird spiraling thing. Like a dance, almost. Have you ever played Minecraft?
JS: Once. Martin made me—well, that’s beside the point. How does this relate to the report?
T: They looked like a beacon—y’know, like a beacon in Minecraft—above my head, single file in a vertical line. Their wings were so glossy that they almost glowed like one too. Anyway. I’m walking. Crows in a beacon. Almost to the bus stop—and this dude runs into me.
JS: I’m assuming that this is the first instance of SBI?
T: Yes. Now this guy, he’s tall. And I mean tall. Yellow sweater, floppy hair, beanie. Tall. You see me, right? I’m taller than most people—and he was even taller than me! It didn’t even seem possible, to be honest, but there he was, making me drop my backpack and my phone onto the concrete.
He picked up my phone, handed it to me, and apologized. Soft voice. He uh—seemed pretty normal, I guess, besides being unnaturally lengthy. And then he saw the crow beacon.
JS: And then what?
T: He just—he stopped. Stopped completely. I know that people use the word froze all the time, but he froze. He didn’t blink, didn’t twitch—even his hair seemed to stop blowing in the breeze.
And then he said, “Oh.” Quietly. And he sounded so happy.
I said, “Are you alright?” Because this dude was being really, really weird. Thought he was having a stroke or something.
Instead of answering my question, he stuck out a hand and said, “I’m Wilbur Soot! Nice to meet you. So, so nice to meet you.”
And then I thought Oh! This guy must be a fan! And it all made sense. Must have been starstruck or something before he decided to introduce himself. So I I said hi and we talked about the weather for a bit, and then I heard my bus coming so I asked if he wanted a picture.
This is where it got kinda weird.
He asked, “Picture?” And the way he said it—I don’t know. He didn’t say it like I was a stranger asking for a picture or anything. It was like he didn’t know what a picture was at all.
So I said, “Y’know, a picture? With a phone?” And he nodded, but he just looked confused.
“Is that a phone?” he asked when I grabbed mine out of my pocket and held it towards him. I said yes—because of course it was a phone. It’s 2021! Who doesn’t know what a phone looks like?
And then he said, get this, he said, “Is it important to you?”
And I was gettin’ some weird vibes here, but the last thing I wanted was to be canceled by someone on Twitter for being mean to a fan, so I just spouted some generic thing about how technology was important because it allowed me to stream and make Youtube videos and all.
He nodded like I’d just told him something big that he was going to remember forever.
Then the bus pulled up; I’ve never been happier to see that stupid, dirty bus approaching the curb. I got on it and hoped that I’d never see that guy again.
JS: But you did.
T: But I did. Yeah.
JS: When did you see him again?
T: It was about a week later. I was going to a burrito place—this one on Main that serves the green salsa and these nachos, mate, they’re so good—
JS: Unless the nachos are haunted, I’d like to hear about your next encounter.
T: Sorry. I walk into this place—it’s pretty small, local family, and it’s all empty. Except for one table. And I know that it’s kind of awkward to eat alone, but eating alone when there’s only one group in the restaurant is especially piss. You eavesdrop even if you don’t mean to, and it always feels like they're judging you.
So I backed out the door and started to leave, trying to be quiet. Except, someone yelled something from the table. Someone said, “Oh! It’s Tommy!”
I turned and there was Wilbur Soot at a table with two other men.
“Is it him?” Wilbur asked the smaller man excitedly. “The crows said that it was.”
“Yes,” answered the shorter man, golden hair swinging as he nodded his head. “It is.”
And then Wilbur said, “Come here!” and I was thoroughly creeped out at this point, but there was something so welcoming about his voice, so kind that I just had to. I sat down at on the single empty chair and noticed that in front of each man on the glossy, wood countertop sat a brand-new iPhone. They looked like they’d all been bought that day, at the same time.
The man with golden hair and Wilbur smiled at me. The other dude, a big, bulky one with pink hair just stared.
They told me that they were big fans of my content, that they’d all watched my streams— all of my streams. Wilbur told me, grinning, that he knew how to take a picture now!
JS: And then what happened?
T: That’s the funny thing about it, big man. Nothing happened. The man with golden hair—Phil, he said his name was—actually knew more about computers than me, so we talked about PCs for a while. I thought that Technoblade, pink-haired-dude, hated me, but he laughed at a couple of my jokes so I think we were okay.
And Wilbur, man, Wilbur was so cool. He said he recorded music! And he started recommending bands for me—we even listened to some of them.
JS: Did you ever feel like you were in danger?
T: Well, there was something about it. Something not-quite-right about them. Phil’s coat and Techno’s cheeks were all bulky, Wilbur’s face looked more like ash the longer we sat there, but that was all overshadowed by how perfect the night felt. How funny they were. How they all laughed at my shitty jokes.
I’ve had close friends before, have a lot of them, actually—college and streaming and such, but nothing felt like that. We just—we clicked. Call me crazy, but we felt like family.
[pauses]
T: Stop looking at me like that. You think I am crazy, don’t you?
JS: No. Just lucky. I have never heard a single person describe SBI as kind or funny or perfect. They’re always searching, and they’re always mad that they don’t end up finding what they’re looking for.
T: They found me.
JS: Yes. They found you. They said that you were the one?
T: Wilbur asked if I was—said the crows thought it. And Phil just nodded and smiled and said that I was. They all seemed so happy…
JS: If it was perfect, why are you here?
T: I decided to follow them after dinner. I just—I don’t know. I wanted to see where they were going or something—I can’t explain it.
I didn’t want them to leave.
So when I said that I had to go home and they waved goodbye, I waited around a corner for them to leave the building. They walked out a couple of minutes later.
JS: And?
T: You’re not going to believe me.
JS: I might.
T: Wilbur—he just, I don’t know, he started to float. He started to dissolve into the sky like a ghost. And I kept blinking, but he kept fading. I couldn’t look away. And as I watched, two giant wings ripped through Phil’s cloak and he lifted up into the sky.
JS: And Techno?
T: I don’t—I don’t know, exactly. Fangs. Red eyes. He got taller, I guess. Whatever he was, whatever they all were, they weren’t human.
JS: They were not.
T: After I saw that, I didn’t stop running until I was on a busy street and too tired to keep going. I just—it was terrifying, y’know, to see that. Like a horror movie come to life.
T: Do you want to know the worst part of it all?
JS: Of course.
T: I miss them. So bad it hurts—and I don’t know why but—but—I want to see them again. I know that they miss me too. It’s like I can’t even make myself care about how wrong they were.
JS: Tommy. They're dangerous . They don’t care—they never will. You can’t—you cant listen to that pull. You have to ignore it—they will never really be your friends.
T: But I’m their fourth.
JS: Look, I’m going to end this now and then we’re going to talk about how to keep you safe, okay?
[scratching from the window, increasing in volume]
JS: Are those crows? You’re going to need to call a taxi.
JS: End recording.
Supplemental 26-05-2021
JS: SBI is an entity that has existed for as long as the world has written records.
It was first declared as a singular man, one with golden hair. I’m assuming that this is the ‘ Phil’ Tommy described. Later, Technoblade joined the case files.
They are—they were merciless. Surviving bystanders said that they were swarmed by crows and that Phil—also known as Philza— and Techno were searching. Searching for something. Phil said that he was searching for three. Somewhere around Techno’s arrival in Ancient Greece, that number switched to two.
They were always … let’s just say that they were disappointed that they didn’t find what they were looking for.
Angel of Death and Blood God are aliases that we have in their record, if that indicates anything about their … methods.
I don’t actually have any records for a ‘ Wilbur Soot’. Judging from his clothes, knowledge of technology, and the speaking pattern Tommy described, we believe that he’s from some time before 2000, though not by much. He must have been their third.
I did find a missing person’s report for a certain Will Gold who appears to match the description and time period. Unfortunately, that case has been declared closed and even my connections in the police force could not get me the files on it.
After digging through these records and compiling information for Tommy, I called the number that he gave.
There was no response, despite repeated ringings.
It didn’t take Sasha long to find the missing person’s report. He did not return home from giving his statement, despite the fact that I saw him to the taxi myself. I told Tommy—I told him to resist it. I should have done more. I could have—I don’t know if I could have done anything else.
He was their last component.
The last piece of SBI.
JS: I can’t pretend to understand what the entity is, but it’s complete now.
Additional Material 05-06-2021
JS: Since Tommy’s disappearance, there have been several messages in his friends' streams from the handles Philza, Technoblade, and Wilbur Soot .
They read as follows:
Philza: 4/4!
Technoblade: Hit that prime button for Tommy.
Wilbur Soot: Tommy says hi!
Philza: Wilbur’s eating sand again.
Technoblade: Tommy says that Wilbur should stop eating sand. We’re getting dinner in an hour.
JS: Due to the lack of knowledge possessed by the police force regarding the connection between the names and the entity I am sure abducted Tommy, most of these messages have been discovered by Tim and Sasha rather than the police. They were ruled as invalid evidence.
Tim says that he has watched more Minecraft and Jackbox than he ever wanted to, and may or may not have Primed to karljacobs.
Sasha says that when the streamers see Tommy’s name in the chat, they are uncomfortable, often making excuses, ending stream early, or demanding that the viewers respect Tommy’s break from social media. No report has been made to the public on Tommyinnit’s disappearance, but I doubt their silence on the matter will provide a disguise for much longer.
Additional Material 21 -06-2021
JS: Since the last addendum, there has been one additional message in the Twitch chat of Tubbo_. From Tommy himself, it reads:
Tommyinnit: Goodnight!
JS: The message was followed by a spam of waving hand emotes and a donation of 100,000 bits, which I have been told that, while not a fortune, is no small amount.
Although this message seems rather innocent, Sasha has informed me that it is Tommyinnit’s typical method of saying goodbye to his viewers.
Upon receiving the message, Tubbo immediately cut his camera feed. Before the live stream ended completely, a gasp and a crash could be heard through the audio feed.
The police are hopeful that this will lead in new directions for the case. Attempting to track the ping from his cellphone, it was revealed that the message and donation originated from the bus stop where he first met Wilbur. While I fully share their conviction that Tommy is still alive, I think that this is the last message we will ever receive from him.
The message was received on the summer solstice. And if my suspicions are right and SBI is finally complete, they will never return again.
JS: You’re never going to hear this, Tommy, but I hope that you’re alright out there. Happy.
You did say that they felt like the closest friends you’d ever made…
JS: End recording.