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"I love you, Junhoe"
Jiwon whispered to Junhoe's ear, leaving little bites and licks on his earlobe as he inhaled the scent of climax and passion surrounding the two of them laying naked on Junhoe's bed, arms around each other. It was deep into the night, same as all the times they have been together for the past month; most of which it was Jiwon who visits Junhoe's crib since meeting with him had became more difficult as days went by.
"I love you too, Jiwon."
Junhoe said, looking up to meet the older man's eyes with his own that held extreme desire to let Jiwon know he meant those words. He really hoped it did, for he is grateful that Jiwon was there on his bed as he had been for the last couple of nights.
Junhoe began to trail wet kisses on Jiwon's broad chest, leaving the older to feel another round of arousal budding from his manhood, making it's way all throughout his body as though his hunger for Junhoe was equivalent to his blood circulating from the roots of his hair, to the tips of his toes, making him feel warm, fuzzy, tingly—alive.
Junhoe reached his tongue to Jiwon's right nipple, feeling it harden on the surface of his buds as he sees the other man close his eyes in ecstasy, just from getting his nipple played at. The reaction of his lover's body gave Junhoe more excitement, as he continued playing with the nipple, aware of his own erection happening way down. He lifted his arm to support his weight as his left leg made its way over Jiwon, allowing him to hover over the older man's beautiful body. Junhoe didn't intend to separate his tongue from the luscious skin, but as he shifted positions, his eyes got hold of how golden Jiwon appeared to be under the light of his nightlamp. His eyes traveled to the man's face, and the sight he saw made Junhoe stop licking, much in Jiwon's frustration so he opened his eyes, brows furrowed, ready to demand more when he lands his eyes on a crying Junhoe above him.
"Babe, what's wrong?" Jiwon asked with so much worry he instantly sat up and cradled Junhoe in his two arms, guiding him to sit between his legs, not minding their erections touching one another. Jiwon was sure any second more and those would soften anyway.
"I'm so sorry. God, Jiwon, I'm so sorry." Junhoe said, frustration evident in his raspy voice.
Perplexed, Jiwon reached out his hand and cupped Junhoe's full cheeks, letting them meet eyes. Jiwon tried to search the younger man's shining eyes for answers. He wished those were twinkling from delight just as it was from when he made him cum a moment ago, not from the tears now free-falling from the most beautiful eyes that has ever seen him naked and vulnerable.
"What's wrong?" Jiwon finally asked, knowing exactly what the answer was.
Junhoe hiccupped and sniffed before letting go the words that has been said between the two of them one two many times. "Sorry," He sniffed once more. "for doing this to you."
As Junhoe finished, Jiwon let out a heavy sigh. Not this again, was all that was in his mind.
"What do you mean this? Licking me like I'm a bone and you are a starving pup?" Jiwon then playfully bit Junhoe on his neck, making the younger smile a bit. Jiwon continued biting softly on Junhoe's soft skin, creating short growls as he kept on trying to make the situation lighter and easier for the both of them.
"No, silly." Junhoe chuckled, and Jiwon hoped that was the end of the conversation and they'll just go back to what they were doing earlier. But to his dismay, Junhoe continued in all seriousness. "You know what I'm talking about."
That's it. Jiwon stood up. He has had enough. "I just wanted one night with you. One peaceful night. One good love-making after not seeing each other for three days." Jiwon was now standing at the end of the bed, his manhood, now limp, facing Junhoe who felt his heart break into tiny little pieces. Jiwon never got mad at him, ever, not even once since they started seeing each other. Tonight was the first, and Junhoe sincerely hoped it would be the last.
But he knew that was impossible.
"I'm sorry, babe." Junhoe reached out and grabbed Jiwon's hand, tried to pull him back to the comforts of his bed and arms, but Jiwon resisted. He wouldn't budge from where he was standing, nor did he remove his eyes, filled with hurt, from Junhoe.
The younger decided to just caress his hand for now, hoping to relieve Jiwon some of the pain that he caused him, only to find himself being the one that was starting to relax. It amazed Junhoe how a simple touch from the man in front could offer him haven whenever he needed it.
"I'm so sorry babe, for bringing this up now." Junhoe kissed Jiwon's hand. One, two, three small kisses, and Jiwon softened at the sensation. "But we both know one night is not enough. We want more than that. We need more than that."
Junhoe's emphasis on need almost brought tears on Jiwon's eyes. Sure he had heard him say he loves him, but never did Junhoe say he needed Jiwon. Only know. And to Jiwon, in this situation, it meant more than all the I love you's in the world.
Now Jiwon held Junhoe's hand, the same way he cupped his cheeks earlier. He then kneeled on top of the bed, in front of Junhoe, and opened his mouth like he was about to say something but he stopped, which made Junhoe notice Jiwon's eyes shaking, not knowing where to look, and as he waited for the older to finally speak again his anxiety grew.
"Babe," Jiwon began, holding Junhoe's hands ever so tightly, as if he believed that whatever he was about to say would make the younger man go away. He didn't want to risk losing Junhoe, but if his words were true, and Jiwon believed, to his very core, that they were, Junhoe would stay and they'll be back to how they were earlier in no time.
Jiwon took one, final deep breath, before finishing his sentence. "You know what to do. If you want me, us so much, then you know what to do."
"Jiwon," He could hear the grunt in Junhoe's voice. Despite seeing the disapproval in his face, Jiwon was thankful he didn't free his hand from him, which means, at least in Jiwon's opinion, he was there, inside Junhoe's heart.
"I know we talked about this, babe." Jiwon pushed the topic further, relieved that Junhoe didn't seem to tense at his words. "I was just wondering," Still, he was hesitant. "when are we really going to be together, you know."
"I know babe, Jiwon." Junhoe planted a kiss on Jiwon's cheeks soon as tears started flowing from his eyes.
"I love you, Junhoe." By now Jiwon was crying out loud. "And I want you. And I need you. Everyday. From morning until next day dawn." Jiwon, his whole face now red and wet, held his head down, refusing to let Junhoe see the mess that he was. More than that, he was afraid of the face Junhoe was making by now. He didn't want to look. Afraid that the younger might now feel uninterested to pursue this—relationship, or whatever it was that they have. "I just," Jiwon's voice trailed off, "I want more."
He met Junhoe at a club a month ago. He was just out partying by himself one late night, when he spotted Junhoe's broad shoulders by the bar while he was standing at the opposite end of the room. Jiwon made his way to him, and was struck by how gorgeous the man was up close. Jiwon was sure he was speechless for a good minute or two, until Junhoe spoke with his deep, raspy voice, a different kind of feel from Jiwon's although their voices were almost of the same tone.
Junhoe's "Can I help you?" transitioned to the longest conversation anyone might have ever had, except for the two of them, for they both felt like they could go on and on, even as days passed, just talking to each other. But of course, given that both of them found the other very much attractive, plus a good portion of blame goes to the alcohol they drank, they ended up in Junhoe's condo unit, where they spent the whole night entangled in a steamy, messy sex, over and over until they came so much Junhoe's small trash bin was filled with wet tissues and used condoms.
They went on until the sun started slipping through his curtains, which Jiwon took as a cue to leave, in which Junhoe didn't really say anything against, and Jiwon didn't expect him to, for that was only a one-night stand for both of them. No matter how good it felt. No matter how right they felt.
Only when they saw each other again at the same club on the next night, and ended exactly where they were the night before that they accepted the electrifying connection they felt with each other. Jiwon, knowing Junhoe has a boyfriend by the name of Jinhwan, a guy Junhoe described as his possible soulmate during the night that they first met, couldn't stop himself from being attracted to the captivating younger man, and his attraction just got deeper when they spent nights talking about books, movies, poems and even the silliest of things, because then Jiwon found out that there was nothing more attractive in this whole world than Koo Junhoe's beautiful mind.
From there, Jiwon just got more involved, until Junhoe saw how the older man started to fall in love with, which he had let happen. He allowed it. He liked the feeling that somebody as good as Jiwon still fell in love with him despite knowing the risks. He liked the feeling Jiwon gave him whenever he felt like the world was suffocating him. Whenever he came home feeling bad because Jinhwan said he went overboard with some stupid thing that wasn't even worth fighting for, Junhoe had Jiwon to tell him that it was okay. The way he was, it was okay. Whoever he was, he was okay.
Junhoe knew nothing could justify cheating, but with Jiwon he was free. They were hiding, but his soul never felt any more free. His heart never felt any more relaxed.
He had intended to break up with Jinhwan immediately after he and Jiwon had the second night of the most passionate sex Junhoe has ever had, but whenever he saw Jinhwan, he couldn't find it in himself to break of their five-year relationship. He tried to bring it up countless of times, and every time he had failed.
And tonight, just before meeting up with Jiwon here in his apartment, he had failed once again, which was why he could not stop his tears earlier as he saw Jiwon smiling beneath him as he played his tongue over him. He saw he made Jiwon happy, and God knows Jiwon made him ecstatic too. But he had failed him again by still not ending his relationship with Jinhwan. More than that, Junhoe's biggest failure this time was making Jiwon cry.
"I'm so sorry, babe," Junhoe kissed the tears away from Jiwon's cheeks, tasting the saltiness and the pain. "Jiwon, I'm sorry." Junhoe kept kissing, anywhere his lips could land he kissed soft and light, "I'll fix this. I promise I will."
Junhoe's hand now held Jiwon by his nape as he deepened the kisses once again, guiding the older as if he was the most delicate of them all despite his lean muscles and strong grips. Jiwon let Junhoe lay him down softly once more. Lips pressed, skins touched, hands intertwined. Jiwon inhaled everything—Junhoe's touches, his kisses, his wetness, everything, as if he was intoxicated by the gorgeous man above him, trying to eat everything Jiwon can give, up to the last bite, the last gulp.
"I love you, Jiwon." Junhoe said in between their wet, hungry kisses.
"I love you," as Junhoe bit Jiwon's lower lip.
"I love you," after he planted a hickey on Jiwon's neck.
"I love you," as he grabbed both of their cocks and masturbated them together.
Jiwon wanted to respond, but the ecstasy was too much he felt like he was about to pass out that his words merely floated in the air as he left his mouth open, trying to catch his breath.
"I love you," before laying on top of Jiwon after both of them climaxed.
Junhoe showered Jiwon not just with his kisses and his cum, but also with I love you's, and of course, Jiwon, without a doubt is in love with Junhoe too.
Wholeheartedly.
Heartbreakingly.
But he wondered to himself if all of these were just beautiful lies.
He immediately closed his eyes and felt Junhoe's soft hair under his hand, a tear, once again unknowingly fell to his cheek, as he prayed to all the gods that could hear him to let nothing of what they have be left untrue.