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One thing about the experience of being a high school student, one can never escape this devil called gossip. The thing about not escaping this true menace of society is that you are either being the one to talk about or the one who does the talking. It was stupid, really. It is why you’re in the hallways of Inarizaki right now, instead of one of the prestigious Tokyo Metropolitan High School in Tokyo, Nekoma High.
Tired of being the talk of town, for simply having one night spent with one of the football team members and getting bluntly harassed, bullied, you moved out after the 6th month of being enrolled in the treacherous place. It was the best decision, certainly better than an hour before you let the football dude knock you out and then getting regrets washed over your face because of the abandonment he put you through, said he promised to be with you after a few days, only to completely forget your name after days.
One thing about falling for a jock, you will never escape the boys’ locker room talks.
Talk about empowerment and ladies supporting ladies, the one who started the rumour that you contracted HIV was your very own seatmate who always flashed the brightest smile when you greet her in the morning.
Looking back to those days, you realised no one actually apologised for the torment they put you through. The constant thought of being a burden to the thought of being an outcast and having no one backing you up, you tried to keep a distance.
One way to have full defense against the same weapon that nearly killed you was taking a step back, that way the impact won’t damage you nearly as bad, it was close, but you’re still safe.
What was ironic about this defense system you’re protecting yourself with is that the weapon that held you at gunpoint was double-edged. You used gossips to protect yourself from.
It was helpful in the most part, one time you heard the girls in the toilet talk about this jock from the basketball team that he extorted money from people by purposely running into them in the hallway. Once you saw that said guy in the flesh you turned your heels around and took an extra 5 minutes to the lab. It cost you a smack in the palm from the lab teacher who was instructing but at least it saved you from getting mugged.
But grown too used to hearing gossip, rumours and scandals one name that seemed very familiar was Miya Atsumu. According to the girls from the cafeteria, the locker room and the toilet, almost all of them deduced Miya Atsumu as one thing that triggered the memory inside your brain.
Miya Atsumu is known to be a heartbreaker, asshole, bully, trash and a womanizer. He sleeps with women at will and discards them to a bin full of his other mischief. Simply said, he is a no-no. Never to mess with, never to talk with, never to be close with.
You’ve seen him physically, he was everywhere to say the least. Compared to the basketball mugger who is a third-year, whose class is in another building, Miya Atsumu is in the same grade as you, a volleyball star who is recognized nationally in the high school volleyball league, and of course, the charming look who can sweep girls at their feet with his smile alone.
You can’t deny his attractiveness, I mean, who wouldn’t like the sight of that blonde and his ridiculously good looking face and tall figure. But every time you try to think one good thought about him, your mind brings you to the trauma. It’s like “Hey listen! You are not supposed to fall for that douche! We’ve been through this, cmon”
You’re tough, nothing can deceive you anymore.
And just when you think you’re strong enough to endure, the school system has to put you in the same class with him.
Even worse, he sits in front of you in the class.
Oh well if she fails this time there’s always the Miyagi prefecture. Her grandma lives there.
No one is moving anywhere, she’s staying! This school has good college prep classes.
Yeah if she’s traumatised we know who to blame.
You groaned out loud, too loud that Atsumu heard it.
“What’s got ya so worked up about?” You looked up from the mathematics worksheet you were given, presented by a face too familiar with the voice you never thought you could hear back then. Well, your attack mechanisms aren’t always going to be zero all the time so why not?
“Oh it’s nothing” you didn’t even look at him in the eye and continue working on the solution without giving an effort to elongate the conversation, however, you can only hope.
Other than that, Miya Atsumu is a wild extrovert.
“If you’re suffering from Maths, I’m already dying ahah” Atsumu laughed with a pitch too high for the comfortable bubble you’re in. You looked at him blankly.
Are we supposed to laugh?
Ginjima, who sat next to him shook his shoulders and his body is turned to the whiteboard immediately, you were sure both Ginjima and Atsumu knew nothing of what they’re talking about because you were sure they were answering the third question, as per your discreet observation however they got the solutions completely wrong, but you decided not to probe into it more as you remembered the rules for the sake of your safety. One of the other good defense systems is always having an onlooker, carefully watching and studying the way the enemy moved about in case they decided to strike for an attack. So you do just that, carefully looking at him in silence and listening in to what people talk about when the matter concerns him, and when he does lightly communicate with you, you wouldn’t look at him in the eyes and keep the conversation very short.
However, as days passed and the time you spent scurrying around the school listening to people’s talks and how Atsumu behaved in front of your eyes, you felt the barriers you worked so hard to maintain slowly crumbling to the dusts of doubt and guilt.
Some days you think Atsumu was just like you, living the life where everyone talks bad about you to the point of being an outcast. There’s not that many people who talk to him in class other than Ginjima who also happened to be his volleyball partner. That won’t include the conversation he shared with the class monitor as the matters were strictly stuff about education, none about his personal lives. Other times in the cafeteria, you would see him having his lunch with his twin brother and his other volleyball partners.
What was weird is that out of all the time you saw him spending his time around the school, you have never seen him talk to any girls, let alone flirt with them. He had a whole fanclub consisting of pretty girls swarming his neck at every given moment and he would ignore every single one of them, so how did the rumour of him being a womanizer come around?
You were starting to think all of the rumours were baseless and literal bullshit, but you still decided to stay away.
-
“G’morning [Name]! Do ya mind if I need help with something?” Atsumu stood right next to your seated figure as he asked in a slow voice. You felt weird and ambushed but Ginjima was there and you don’t want to make it awkward, so you replied. “S-sure, w-what do you need help with?” you gulped as you noticed your voice was shaky.
“Uh, can we compare the English answer sheet from yesterday? I’m not sure if I got all of it correct…” Atsumu rubs the nape of his neck and shows you his answer sheet to which you carefully took. “Sure, let me tick it for you.” Atsumu stood close by as he stared and asked you about the mistakes he made and you had no problem helping him with some things he didn’t understand.
-
That isn’t the only time that day that Atsumu initiated some talking with you, in fact there are more days that he just randomly greeted you even without cracking a proper conversation with simple hi’s and simple bye’s.
One time during lunch, when you were looking at the group of four Atsumu hangs around with to understand what they were talking about that got Atsumu laughing out gleefully, he caught you staring. When he does, he arches his eyebrows and takes away the bread packaging, sneaks it into his pocket and walks towards the table you’re at.
“Mind if I sit here?” you nodded and continued popping in the nuts in your mouth. “I see you don’t really hang out with your friends, do you always eat alone here?” your mouth gaped. Internally sighing you denied none of his words.
“I don’t even have efforts to make one so there’s that.” Atsumu nodded as he tapped his fingers on the table. “Let me guess, having a hard time trusting new people?”
“More or less...I guess.” you laugh smally and he just smirks. “That’s okay, sure enough this school is full of nice people.” Not sparing another one of your words, you sat still and nodded at him.
“In the meantime, I could be your lunch buddy if you’d like to? Gin said yer cool, also, Samu and Sunarin said they want to meetcha, I’m sure they like hanging out with-” Your eyes widen at him and his forehead wrinkles. “No-no you don’t have to...it’s weird, and a bit too much, if you ask me...” you felt the heavy implications that were coming when you said that word but you knew that it was for the best. You can’t afford another chunk of your life to be ruined in the hands of a jock that was rumoured to be quite an ass, the potential threat to your humanity.
You realised that he said this all because you started responding to his greetings nicely to the homework help you assisted him with, you were slipping and it is on you.
“I’m sorry, I have heard things about you and I don’t want to be involved in any of that. I’m really sorry Miya-san, I can’t.” you stood up, bowed to him respectfully and left the broken Miya Atsumu in the cafeteria.
-
That was quite a scare to you, when you did that to him. The days after he would never greet you in the morning nor ask you about homework, not even thinking of asking you for a favour to pick up the pencil he accidentally dropped near your table. Your thoughts keep telling you that you were doing great but a small part of you felt pitiful at him. He wears the unusual gloom on his face and you don’t want that, you rarely see him laugh when he is with his friends or being physically active during fitness classes.
Simply said, it wasn’t like him. It goes the same way with how people talk about him. They said he is a jerk, an asshole that doesn’t put second thoughts to think about other people when he talks. They never said anything about Atsumu being some class clown who makes people laugh, that one student in the class who is diligent despite not doing well on exams, the one that would greet you good morning and goodbye when classes are over, the one who is considerate enough to take out the bin in the class when some other students neglected their duties.
It makes you shittier when he starts talking to you again two days after what you said to him. He called for your name.
“Hey, [Name]?” you turned your body and paused the hand that was putting the textbooks in your bag. Atsumu stood around a meter from you with his head hanging low. “Y-yes?” you gulped.
“About the other day...I’m sorry for pushing some buttons and not taking any hint that you were...uncomfortable cz o’ what people said about me, it wasn’t my intention to harm you, or anything like that. I understand if you don’t want to be friends with me, or the rest of the guys. Thank you for all this time.” Atsumu smiles sadly and leaves the classroom and you behind.
Your legs were numb when you replay the words he said, how he apologised for something he didn't have control over, and how his sole intention to get closer to you was sincere and all he wanted was to be friends with you. Your legs gave up on you, immediately had you seated on your chair.
It felt as if the barriers you worked so hard for are crumbling, like the core system that kept you up and alive this time is betraying you, setting yourself up to be the enemy that could gut you open as you lay there vulnerable. In this case, the enemy you thought was Atsumu was actually yourself.
Miya Atsumu is the complete opposite of what the people of Inarizaki said about him, you realised that a few times but that egoistic blockhead of yours decided to deny that.
Miya Atsumu is not an asshole. He is not the type of person that would diss or harass anyone just because they don’t go his way. It was proven when you overheard a group of boys near the toilet talk about Miya Atsumu. One of the guys claimed that they were brutally scrutinized by Atsumu even with his good gameplay, which was totally uncalled for, said him. When you saw him play dodgeball and Atsumu is on the same team with him, you understood why Atsumu called him out.
Dude sucks. Terrible projectile and terrible tactics to dodge the ball. You laughed at this, Atsumu was just giving constructive criticism.
As for the rumours about him fooling around with women, you saw some girls crying about the rejection they got from him, all of the chocolate and cookies baked by them are all worthless since he refused to accept any of it. One of them said Atsumu was so harsh with the rejection and didn't feel sorry for her.
You saw it for yourself, how he reacts when the cute girls come scurrying to the class with beautifully wrapped warm chocolate cookies for him. He would smile at them, say greetings respectfully, and slowly put his palms out to reject the incoming cookies. “I’m sorry, girls but I don’t feel like eating cookies for the time being, thank you but I have to refuse this.” Atsumu sighed every single time.
Ginjima asked why he rejects every single thing the girls offered him, he would reply with the same thing. He hated feeling indebted to anyone, and he disliked it when people disrupted the comfort space he tried so hard to maintain for so long. He didn’t care about girls or dating in general, he didn’t feel like discovering it any time soon as you saw how he’s managing a little too much stuff on his plate. He can’t afford a distraction, not when he needs to juggle academics and volleyball at the same time. At least that’s what you thought.
Turns out Atsumu is not in the place to apologise to you after all. The only thing you should be doing right now was to tell Atsumu the truth. The fact that you thought of him wrong and that you’re sorry.
That evening, after you’re done with extra studying hours you did at the library, you had no hesitation to look for Atsumu at the place he will probably be at, the volleyball gym. You walked inside the nearly empty gym, and you saw Osamu, the twin you’re not familiar to, talking to Suna as they were cleaning up the tiles of the gym.
“Excuse me, do you happen to know where...Atsumu is?” you said in a voice laced with low stamina. “Who are you? I hope you know Atsumu turns almost everyone away.” Suna said with a seriousness, hiding his little laugh that slipped out of his mouth. Your face glows red.
Osamu instantly knocked Suna’s ribs with his elbows. “Atsumu just headed over to the locker to change, you can wait for him there.” Osamu said with a warm smile similar to Atsumu’s, adorning his face. You thanked them and excused yourself out of the gym with a haste in case you lost him somewhere.
Atsumu wasn’t anywhere near the locker room, nor the small building, also near the gym. You think you might suffer from stomach pain with the high level of lactic acid building up in your tummy.
“[Name]?” you turned around to see him, clad in a black t-shirt and school’s slack pants with confusion written all over his face. “What are ya doing here?” he asked. “Thank god, I finally found you. Let me just catch my breath for a second.” Atsumu stood still and looked at the heaving mess you were in. You had your torso lowered with your kneecaps supporting your palms, still trying your best to even out the breathing, more from the nervousness than the running.
“Ok, I’m going to start. First of all, please do not interrupt me when I’m talking.” Atsumu nodded, indicating that he understood. His hands are balled up into fists, hanging at his sides.
“Miya Atsumu, you-you don’t make me uncomfortable, you never did. In fact, you’re one of the people I should trust and keep around the most, you’re really the nicest and most sincere guy I’ve known, really.” you sighed and smiled at him, you can see his clearly flushed cheeks and the taps of his foot signalling you that he was very glad to hear that.
“I failed.. I decided to let what people think of you get to me, instead of properly getting to know you and actually listen to anything you said. So, the one who should be apologising, was me. You never did wrong.” you gulps.
Atsumu reached out his hands to you but you carefully pushed him away.
“Wait, I haven’t finished yet. I am so sorry, for ignoring you all this time, for thinking you’re a bad person and for letting the rumours about you deceive me to the point I made very negative assumptions to you.” your voice was lowered.
“I know how it feels like...to be the talk of people around, being an outcast and left alone. It sucks and it is boring and totally uncool. I was too busy trying to take care of myself without considering some people who were iinvolved.” you ended your speech.
“I just want to say that you’re awesome, and such a cool person, and the apology should be from me, that’s all. I know I’m a bad person, so it’s completely understandable that you don’t want to be friends with me.” you smiled in relief at him, his face is still unreadable.
“That’s all, I guess? Have a safe trip home. Thank you for your time.” You bowed and walked away. You were pretty bummed that he didn’t say anything during the time you stopped talking but guess that was just it.
“Hey, wait-” Atsumu gently pulled on the cuffs of your blazer which halted your movement. “I didn’t say anything about not wanting to be friends with you...thought I made that clear.” Atsumu pursed his lips and looked to the ground, letting go of the fingers that were gently rasping the buttons of your cuffs.
“You’re a very cool person to be friends with, I just don’t know how to approach you since you always avoided me.” Atsumu lets out a small laugh when you say a silent sorry to him.
“You’re the first ever person to apologise to me about those rumours, that is proof enough that you’re very sincere to me. I’ve never had anyone apologise to me after they wronged me.” pity washes over you, and one nerve inside of you wanted to desperately hold his hands to tell him that he deserves to be treated fairly by others, the apology is just at the bottom of the barrel.
“No one deserves that, it sucks when I realise I’m the same kind of person I am supposed to hate. Seeing that no one decided to apologise for me, the least I could do is apologise to you, I don’t want anyone to face that, like, ever.” you smiled at him sheepishly, feeling awkward with the repetitive apology. At least you got your message across.
“Apology accepted, my friend. But there is more you can do to tell me that you’re really sorry.” Atsumu giggled when he saw your frightened face.
“Buy me those new sour popsicles, I’ve been wanting that for awhile. That’s okay, I didn’t ask you to buy the expensive imported ones yet.” Atsumu held your hand and led the way.
“When you say ‘yet’, does that mean I have to prepare money for future plans?” you asked innocently.
“Oh definitely!” Atsumu laughed in delight, and you can’t help but laugh again, just like the times before the gloom possessed you.
You became best friends ever since.