Chapter Text
“The flowers are beautiful.”
I adored the way the words rolled off his tongue, the sentence spoken as if it were a gift from God himself. Perhaps to me, it was. Anything he said to me, of importance or not, made my heart beat faster and my face burn up. It was a surprise he hadn’t noticed yet, with my interest being far too conspicuous in the presence of anyone with half a brain. Perhaps he simply didn’t care to point it out and feigned ignorance on purpose. Unlike other friends I had, I knew full well the reasoning behind my affections. He had saved me, and not just physically. Erwin Smith was the reason I was still alive, and the reason I wasn’t stuck in poverty as I had been when I met him. He had gifted me life, a stable job, and friendships I would’ve never encountered had it not been for Erwin’s courage. With his physical features only comparable to those of a Greek god, it was no wonder I fell for the man.
I owed him more than I could explain, so there I stood, placing a gentle vase of daffodils upon his desk. “Thank you, sir. I found them during my training this morning and remembered that they were your favorite.”
He chuckled, voice deep and masculine, then brushed his large, calloused fingertips gently along the delicate flower’s petals. It was a soft touch, completely in contrast to the blonde’s intimidating look. His silver eyes made piercing contact with mine, and he spoke once more. “You’re allowed to skip the formalities, Roisin. We’ve known each other for long enough now, haven’t we?”
“You’re right.” I exhaled, a small weight lifted. “How’s work been?”
“The usual.” His hand shifted from the flower and trailed down to his feather quill, fidgeting with the object whilst his eyes flicked tiredly to the item.
It was then I noticed the dark circles situated under his eyes, surly from lack of sleep. Most people in the Scouts had the same dead look to them, from what they’ve seen or their insomnia, I was never too sure. I myself wasn’t freed from this, thoughts and images from the world outside clouding my every moment’s peace for as long as I could remember. In fact, the people who did manage to have a perfect sleep usually had something wrong with them. That wasn’t uncommon, either. Yet when I looked my superior up and down, I could tell it was affecting him the most. Behind the confidant front he put up for general morale, he was just as disheveled and exhausted as the rest of us.
I glanced outside his window, eyeing the stone walkways outside, filled with people talking amongst the bustling crowd. It was ironic to me that I now lived inside Wall Rose, considering my nickname is precisely that. ‘Rose’. It got confusing. I exhaled, shifting my attention back to the commander sitting patiently in front of me. His hands weren’t fidgeting anymore and now sat calmly, folded in front of him on the surface of his desk. It was a professional stance, one that showed power, yet he had a friendly enough face that most people I knew had mixed opinions on him. He was either heavily admired, or met with confusion at his actions. From time to time I’d find myself questioning him and his decisions as well, but more often than not he’d pull through, and that was a large factor as to what attracted me to the man. His intelligence.
Erwin took a sip from a teacup on his desk, pausing to look into the cup and frown. I raised an eyebrow, following his gaze to his drink. “Did Levi give you a present?”
He chuckled. “Of course not, I just decided to try some of the tea he likes to see what the fuss is all about. It’s not particularly my taste, though…” He made eye contact with me. “That reminds me, he came by today and wanted me to let you know that training’s going to go on a little later today.”
I narrowed my eyes, fiddling with the sleeve of my jacket. My limbs and muscles were already sore from the rough practice I had the night prior, practice almost being like a punishment in my squad. Levi was the squad captain and humanity’s strongest soldier. I was more than lucky to have the opportunity to work alongside him, but I oftentimes regretted it, as training sessions with him were never pleasant. In fact, not one encounter I had with him had been considered ‘enjoyable’. He was usually stoic, showing close to no emotions other than indifference and strictness. My teammates always said he did it to keep us alive, but I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed at the raw amount of abuse my body had suffered during the many laps I had run, weights lifted, and rooms scrubbed from head to toe. He wasn’t just a strict squad captain, he was also, unfortunately, a clean freak, a dangerous combination that led to late nights cleaning our grounds until it was deemed ‘acceptable’ by him. Humanity’s strongest soldier my ass, he was simply a prick with skill.
Erwin could sense my change of attitude, and simply smiled whilst still looking down at his cup. “I take it you don’t like the captain too much.”
“No, it’s not that- I-” I stopped myself from continuing momentarily, thinking of the words to say without sounding ungrateful. He had put me on Captain Levi’s squad after all, and it wasn’t that I was ungrateful, but the abuse we suffered didn’t go without notice. “His routines are just harsh.”
Erwin ran his fingers through his hair, a small hum escaping his lips. “He’s one of our best men, as I’m sure you know. He’s most likely being harsh because he knows your capabilities, Roisin.”
“Maybe.”
I felt my heart almost beat out of my chest. Silently cursing under my breath, I knew I had to go shower before he started training, so I swiftly dismissed myself and returned to the barracks. It was quiet in the showers, and I quickly grew to realize that I was late, having spent too much time chatting with the commander. I was going to be in a lot of trouble if I didn’t hurry things up, so I quickly washed up, got changed, and dashed as fast as my legs could take me toward the training grounds. To confirm my suspicions, there my squad was, running laps, lifting weights, and practicing and building muscle. I internally winced, making eye contact with my captain, a displeased look on his features. I could tell by the way my squad members glanced over at me with sympathy, that I was in for a ride.
“O’Sullivan.”
“Yes, Captain?” I slowly approached him, as if he were a rabid animal about to lunge his attack on me. With the way his eyes burned into my skin, something told me I wasn’t too far off.
“You’re late.”
What gave it away? I gave a half-hearted smile, attempting to look friendly knowing how my face looks pissed off anytime it’s in a resting position. “I know, I’m sorry Captain, I didn’t know the exact time you wanted training to be tonigh-”
He huffed, interrupting me mid-sentence. “I’m not looking for excuses, I’m stating a fact. You’re doing laps after practice until I say you’re done.”
I felt like I was about to vomit. With Captain Levi, he could keep me going until I’ve done over a hundred leg-shattering laps around our track, and just our luck, our track is massive all the way around. Yet, despite that, I still knew defying our captain would be a crime to my team’s well-being, so I shut up and took it. Looking him square in the eye, I nodded, my challenging eye contact in contrast to the smile I put on. “Okay, Captain.”
He raised a brow, looking me up and down before shaking his head, and mumbling a small “You’re dismissed, go train.” Under his breath. I obeyed, rushing off towards my group with a sinking feeling in my chest.
I joined alongside my squad, stopping beside the other girl in the Special Operations Squad, Petra Ral. She was lying on her back against the pale dirt, lifting what seemed like heavyweights at first sight, but when I looked closer I noticed that instead of weights, Petra was lifting empty fuel tanks for our gear. I chuckled, earning a pout from my friend and an explanation of how she ‘was sore and hopes Levi didn’t notice.’ I laughed and agreed not to spill her secret. I had no desire to, full well knowing Levi was an ass and I wouldn’t gain anything out of ratting out my companions. I sighed contently, internally grateful I wasn’t the only one tired from the previous night. Though when I first was offered a spot in the squad, Erwin had said it was to ‘put my talent and drive to good use’ but in the Special Operations Squad, handpicked by Levi himself, everyone was beyond exceptional. I huffed, breaking out of my thoughts to focus back on the excruciating task at hand. By itself, pull ups weren’t the hardest thing scout members faced, but paired with the heaviest ODM gear in the walls strapped to our backs, it made the training even less tolerable.
Who was I to complain, I had wanted to kill titans my entire life, now that I was granted that privilege, why was I complaining over the methods?
The sun lay low in the sky, broadcasting a vivid orange light across our grounds. I hadn’t realized the sheer amount of time that had passed until Eld, the Captain’s second in command, tapped me on the head. I dropped to the ground in defeat, sweat beading my forehead from the heat and exercise I’d faced. Panting like a dog on the ground, I turned to face him, surprised to see the lack of exhaustion on his features. I wiped the liquid off my forehead, attempting to control my breathing to appear presentable in front of my superior. He gave a half-smile, reaching a hand to help me up from the ground. I took it, taking the extra support to stand up and pull myself together.
“Thanks, Eld.”
“Don’t mention it; we’re done practice by the way. Levi wants you to start doing your laps.”
I remained silent, my stoic expression showing Eld my distaste of the idea. He snickered, understanding the exact mood I portrayed. Everyone understood the dread of having to do laps with Levi, especially late at night after training. The thought reminded me of the time, and I snuck a quick glance in the corner of my eye to look at the sky, the sun now setting below the 50-meter wall entrapping us in its confinements. I had tried to escape once before, and unfortunately, I realized at the young age of eighteen that sometimes the grass on the other side isn’t greener, it’s often blood-stained and littered with the corpses of people you held dear. An unlucky reality most of us were forced to face.
“I’ll see you, Rose.” Eld snapped me out of my thoughts, gifting me with a smile laced with pity. I returned it with one of my own before dashing off towards the track, being late again not in my best interest.
The orange hues of the sky soon turned into a dark blue, aligned with the temperature noticeably dropping. I breathed a small sigh of relief, a feeling of ease clouding over me, knowing the cooler temperature would aid in my cool down later on that night. When the long track came into view and I didn’t see Levi anywhere in sight, I knew I was early. I swallowed thickly, beginning my agonizing pace around the track, limbs and muscles already cramping from the previous labor, still knowing that pain would hurt way less than my punishment if I chose to disobey the captain. It didn’t take long for the brunette to arrive, arms crossed and an uninterested expression upon his features as his eyes scanned over me. I avoided his gaze, intimidation brewing in the pit of my stomach as I continued to run.
“Pick up the pace, O’Sullivan. You’re not walking in a field of daisies, you’re running away from titans .” He barked, voice ringing in my ears, momentarily distracting me from the pain I was enduring. I said nothing, the only sound escaping my mouth being the heavy breaths from the raw exercise I had to undertake.
Even more time passed, neither of us saying anything other than the occasional order to speed up. The moon was higher in the sky than the last time I’d checked, and I could tell by the shortness of the remaining breath I had left that I had pushed it too far. I pressed myself further, struggling to even keep my heavy, aching body upright for long enough to finish the grueling task at hand. I made eye contact with Levi, silently begging for any sort of mercy, but was instead granted a scoff and a snide comment about ‘not looking at him like that’ before he shifted his focus back up at the sky. Anger boiled inside me, threatening to spill over like a boiling pot of water. I wanted so desperately to strangle him in that moment, thinking to myself that If my pain isn’t good enough for him, why am I doing this shit anyway? Lost in thought and anger, I didn’t notice the numbness in my legs take over until it was too late, and I collapsed onto the hard ground by his feet. I wanted to collect myself, but my heavy breathing and exhaustion didn’t allow me even the dignity of getting up onto my knees.
“Get up off your ass, cadet.” He nudged me with the toe of his shoe, causing the bubbling anger in me to begin to boil over.
“No, I’m going to end up killing myself at this rate.” I shifted my head to the side slightly to sneak a peek at his expression, immediately regretting it after viewing the disgusted look on his face. I cursed at myself for physically flinching but refused to stand up. I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure.
“Don’t be an idiot.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You stop running when I say so, O’Sullivan.”
I bit my lip, giving in and standing up, but not returning to the field. I stared him dead in the eye, sweat dripping down my forehead and cheeks flushed from the sheer amount of running I was forced to endure. “I’m going to bed, Captain.”
His eyes turned dark quicker than expected, and his hand swung to grab onto my wrist. “No, you’re not, Cadet. You were late and you need to pay the price.”
I flinched at his touch, attempting to rip my wrist away from his grasp as panic rose in my chest. My breaths quickened, and my heart began to race out of my ribcage. I was usually pretty alright with other people’s touch, even embracing it from time to time, but certain areas made vomit threaten to escape my body, and heart threaten to stop altogether. Levi was too stubborn to let go, despite my strongest attempts to free myself. I turned to eye him, desperation overweighting my desire to stay professional.
“Let go, Levi.”
I used his real name, causing his eyebrows to furrow. I gulped back my tears, knowing the embarrassment it would cause me to cry in front of my squad captain and humanity’s strongest. His glare deepened, yet his grasp loosed enough to allow me an exit. I tore my wrist out, breath hitching in my throat. I despised the way anxiety would loom over me at a simple touch, and the way it made me appear like prey waiting to be eaten. Levi faced the other direction, frustration radiating off him. “Thanks for nothing, Erwin .”
The name. His name. It was commonly heard in the Scout Regiment, but I didn’t know why it would be brought up at that moment.
“What?”
“He’s the one who recommended you, figures the one person I didn’t choose myself would turn out to be an ungrateful brat.”
I hated to admit it, but I felt a stab in my heart at his words. I knew he was harsh but damn, did he need to be so rough? I went in the scouts to become the most useful soldier alive, repaying Erwin for the debt I owed him. To hear all my efforts were for nothing stung. I clenched my fists, took a deep breath, and unclenched with a small smile. Levi’s opinion shouldn’t mean anything to me. In my life, he’s just as replaceable to me as I am to him. I thought to myself. I need to calm down before I say something I regret.
“If you would like someone more fit for my position, be my guest,” I stated, gaining his attention and eye contact once more. “You can have me transferred to another squad where my abilities would be more useful. That’s what I’m here for, after all. That’s what any soldier should be here for.”
I could sense he was searching for any tone of malice in my voice, but he didn’t hear any. I was speaking the truth, though Erwin said I’d be a better fit for the Levi Squad, wherever my abilities would be helpful I was willing to go. The thing closest to Erwin was humanity itself, so if helping humanity would repay what I owed, that’s what I would do.
“I know my abilities are impressive, and I’ll keep on improving them. It’s up to you where I go to do that, I guess.” I started to walk toward the barracks, not before glancing back at him. “Have a good night, Captain.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My throat burned. I had been yelling for too long, and it was catching up to me as my tears spilled down my cheeks. My vision was blurred, causing me to only view my surroundings and individual objects of varying shapes and colors. The echoing noise of my chattering peers made my stomach churn, head pounding and wrists bruised and sore. If I concentrated for long enough, I could make out distinct phrases, such as “...she’s the only one who could’ve done it…” and “...watch people try to defend this one…”
I wanted to explain, but the tugging on my wrists was too distracting. The man behind me, someone I didn’t know, tied the rope binding my hands together to a pole, forcing me to my knees in front of an entire court of people. I looked like a mess, hair disheveled and red stains where my tears had been. I had scratches and open cuts all over my body, the only evidence I carried to prove where I really was that night. Beyond the walls.
No way in hell they’d believe me, and even if they did they’d either label me a witch or kill me for being a danger to society. I wasn’t sure which one I was more comfortable with. A quick death would be better in my favor, but the part of me that desired justice wanted to see the looks on their faces when they realized I was innocent. The clang of the judge’s hammer rang harshly around the courtroom, forcing those who were talking to shut their mouths. The judge cleared his throat, and shuffled through a handful of parchments naked to my eye. My face remained neutral, deadpan, even. I understood the resting face of raw murder I had beyond my control, but I couldn’t force myself to smile for the people debating over my life. They didn’t deserve the reassurance that I was harmless. Though deep inside I knew I couldn’t harm anyone, much less my own parents, they didn’t need to know that.
“This is the trial for Miss Roisin O’Sullivan, accused of first-degree murder, and lying under oath, how do you plead?”
“...Not guilty.” I gritted my teeth.
“That bitch is lying! Throw her in jail!” Someone yelled from the crowd, the exact person unclear. I flinched, attempting to get out of my restraints yet causing myself more pain.
“I did not! I could never-”
“Shoot the wench before she kills us too!”
Pain.
Sharp, stabbing pain in my wrists.
The rope was too tight, cutting off circulation.
The ringing of their voices and arguments echoed in my ears, merging into one loud sound that made my head throb and pound painfully against my skull. There was only so much I could take.
I needed them to know the truth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I shot up from out of bed, chest heaving. I patted the bed sheets around me, reassuring myself that I was indeed, in my bed.
I was safe.
I took some breaths to calm myself down, almost leaping out of my skin when Petra swung her head down from the bunk above me.
“Hey, you okay? You sounded like you were having a nightmare.”
“I’m fine, thanks Petra.” I gulped, wiping the sweat from my forehead. The Special Operations Squad all shared a bunk room together, with me and Petra being chosen bunkmates. The nightmares only came when something triggered them, I realized, and it wasn’t a leap of judgment to guess that the whole ordeal with the captain had caused them. Petra continued to stare at me, looking extremely concerned and worried. I hated to see her like that, and know I had caused it. I exhaled, raking my hand through my brown hair and frowning.
“You’re not fine.” Petra hopped off the top bunk onto the wood flooring, wincing at the loud thump sound it made. She took a second to take in her surroundings, scanning over the sleeping forms of our squad members to ensure she hadn’t woken any up. Satisfied with the snores, she returned her focus to me. “I’m here for you, you know.”
“You’re sweet, Petra.” I gulped but gave her a warm smile. “I had a bit of an argument with the captain, and I guess it just reminded me of-”
“An argument with Captain Levi?” Me and Petra both turned our heads, startled by the sudden output of flickering light from a lantern and the voice of our comrade, Oluo, who now sat up on his bunk at the other side of our room. “Tsk, couldn’t be me.”
Petra sighed, frustration showing in her voice. Oluo always tried to desperately act like their leader, and Petra detested it, She was always of the opinion people should be themselves, so when her friend began to pretend he was Levi’s little twin, Petra would often get annoyed. It also offput me, but for completely different reasons. I was more unappealed by the fact Oluo acted like someone I held distaste for and felt somewhat afraid of. I couldn’t comprehend why anyone would want to be like the captain and his emotionless ways. Most people who actually knew him personally knew how much of a pain-in-the-ass he could be, so when a fellow cadet tried to replicate his behavior, it wasn’t just me and Petra who got annoyed. Even Captain Levi would get annoyed from time to time.
Before I knew it, I felt a sudden dip in my bed. Petra sat beside me, strawberry-blonde locks framing her kind face. She opened her arms, offering me a hug, something I couldn’t refuse. I embraced her, holding back my sobs so I wouldn’t alert my sleeping crewmates. Oluo finally noticed my distress, and quietly tip-toed over to where I sat, awkwardly placing a single hand on my shoulder for some sort of support. Even if the man annoyed me, I knew deep inside he cared, not just for me, but for all his fellow cadets on the Special Operation Squad. I pulled away from Petra’s embrace, silently thanking her for her help. She nodded in response, always happy to help.
“Uh-Sorry that happened to you.” Oluo coughed into his elbow, avoiding my eye contact.
“You should be.” Petra rolled her eyes. “This is why you shouldn’t act like Captain Levi, he’s not the perfect man you see him as.”
“No that’s not it, Petra.” I found myself saying, surprising myself that I was starting to defend our leader. “He didn’t know it fucks my routine up. He’s just like that with everyone, I guess.”
“I don’t think so. I’ve never been punished that hard, have you, Oluo?” Petra questioned, turning to face the man.
“Tsk, no and I’ve done far worse than be late .”
I furrowed my eyebrows, confusion overcoming me. I had been dealing with his abuse for such a long time thinking that’s what he did to everyone, but hearing I was singled out started to inflame me. I clenched my fists into a tight ball to release the tension, and stood up abruptly, much to Oluo and Petra’s surprise. My friends gave me an odd look whilst my expression darkened, showing off my obvious anger like a badge. I stormed over to our door, having at least the self-control to keep myself quiet for the cadets who were still asleep.
“Where are you going, Rose?” Petra needled, both her and Oluo standing up along with me.
“On a walk. I need to calm down.” I muttered, turning the brass doorknob and leaving without another word. Now wasn’t the time to lose my mind, I simply needed some peace at heart. I traveled through the winding corridors, taking deep breaths. He had no right to penalize me harder for something so mundane while my comrades got lesser sentences for worse crimes. I wondered briefly why he had a grudge against me in particular, but the thought passed as soon as it crossed my mind. I knew the answer, he had told it to me myself. The difference between me and the other members was simple, Erwin had chosen me and not Levi. What I didn’t know was why that constituted my rougher treatment, but at least I knew the answer to the question that would inevitably be eating away at my brain later on.
I arrived at my destination, knocking my knuckles against the wooden door and praying the man would answer. Lucky for me, I overheard the muffled noise of shuffling footsteps from the other side of the room and the door unlocking. I breathed a sigh of relief, happy to see Erwin open the door and raise his eyebrows at me.
“Roisin?”
A sad smile tugged at my lips. “Hey, sorry it’s late, there’s just something I’d like to-”
“Don’t apologize. Here, come inside.” He opened the door for me, allowing me entry to his quarters. I stepped carefully inside, biting my bottom lip.
Erwin moved over to his bed, sitting on the end of it and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. I felt guilt gnawing at me, feeling bad for waking him from the slumber most members of the Scout Regiment didn’t get much of. He patted the spot next to him, and I sat, heart rate quickening by the minute. The blonde looked at me, hair somehow still neatly kept, and patient eyes waiting to see what I’d say next.
I cleared my throat, swallowing in an attempt to rid myself of the dry feeling. I wasn’t about to rat out my captain, I wasn’t a snitch, I simply needed advice on what to do once I got dismissed from the squad I’ve been a part of for years. “I apologize for waking you up- I’m just afraid I’m going to be released from the Special operations Squad tomorrow morning.”
Erwin was silent for a moment before speaking. “Why would Levi release you?”
“Last night, I was late and we had a… disagreement. I didn’t exactly comply with his penalty and he said I was useless so I told him if I’d be useful in another squad I’d go there, so I think that’s what he’s going to do.” I sighed, avoiding Erwin’s lingering gaze. “It’s my own fault, and I’m okay with joining another squad, I guess I just want to know where you think I should go from here.”
Erwin was quiet for a second, deep in his own thoughts like he usually was. I shifted in place, hands tucked between my two trembling knees. I wished desperately I could stop the shivering, but it was beyond my control at that point, and I just wished he didn’t notice. Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose, an act not of annoyance, but of absorption in his thinking. “I doubt he’ll actually dismiss you, Rose, but if he does I was actually already thinking of having you become a captain yourself.”
I widened my eyes, meeting with his blue ones. They sparkled with something I couldn’t describe. Something strong. Something confident. I was excited at his words, both options sounding amazing. “Why do you think so?”
Erwin patted me on my back, the action in of itself making me chuckle. “Because you’re talented. You’re a good soldier, I’ve always told you that.”
My cheeks flared up without me realizing it. I thanked him, a tiny smile still present on my face while I looked down at my feet. He returned it, the hand on my back moving to my head, brushing the strand of hair out of my face as he stood up.
“Do you want a drink?” Erwin proposed, but I shook my head no, deciding I had taken up too much of his time already.
“No thanks, thanks for the offer, though. You should get your rest.” I stood up as well, starting toward the door and stopping in the doorway. “Sorry for waking you up, Erwin.”
“No, it’s alright.” He shook his head. “You can come anytime.”
I beamed, giving him a nod before saying goodnight and closing the door behind me. I let out the breath caught in my throat, deciding the best course of action from here would be to simply go back to bed. Erwin gave me the reassurance I needed in case the captain really did go through with what I regretted suggesting. Though the thought of captain did sound intriguing, the selfish part of me knew I would miss my friends in the Special Operations Squad, and the other part of me knew that if the strongest soldier known to mankind thought I needed improvement, despite what Erwin said I should be able to do just that. Improve.
I wandered through the halls, stopping by the door to our shared room. We had little to no privacy in the barracks, and the only sense of dignity we really got was the ability to change in the bathrooms, also shared. The scout captains and above got their own quarters, complete with a personal bedroom, office, and bathroom. Captain Hange, a good friend of mine although not my captain, allowed me to visit and use her room from time to time, a simple act I was grateful for. Maybe leaving the squad and becoming a captain myself won’t be so bad... I thought, trying to reassure myself, but failing. I was never the best at doing things on my own unless I had no other choice. I liked being told what to do, and although I could hold my own perfectly fine, ordering others around like Captain Levi was never truly in my best interest. I had the face of a bitch but lacked the personality to match.
When I walked inside my room, I noticed everyone had fallen asleep long before I’d arrived, the lantern Oluo lit before I left now blown out. I buried myself in my sheets, fighting off the nightmarish images from my previous sleep. The distinct pain in my wrists reminded me of the hell hole I tried to forget, what seemed like only yesterday. Perhaps the real reason I went to Erwin wasn’t for the reassurance of myself as a soldier, and more for the reassurance that I was safe . He had always kept me safe, from the day I met him until now. A true friend.
Friend.
A low hum escaped my lips. That’s all I’d ever be to him and I had somewhat accepted that. There were many reasons as to why my feelings shouldn’t be there, one was him being my superior and another being the scout’s short lifespan. If you joined the scouts, you were guaranteeing yourself a short life. One that would end any day to the hands of the 15-foot demons waiting to bite at your flesh. They were merciless, like many of the brutal murders they carried out.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the scenes I’ve witnessed outside the walls. I remembered the first time I’d seen a titan in person, the way its inhuman eyes stared at you wishing nothing more than your demise. I was a fool at eighteen to think I could kill one of the things with no prior experience, but at the time my anger had fueled me to climb the bloody wall myself.
I drifted to sleep, ignoring the way my fingers trembled and my stomach churned. It’s how it always was, there was no escaping the flight of fight response a soldier’s body gave off before passing out. It was the most comfort any of us truly got.
Far less than I needed for the journey ahead.