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modern world lacks the romance. hyungwon would never say these words out loud, but he believes in it wholeheartedly. the modern world is too stuffy, too rush, too loud. everything happens so fast, everyone is constantly screaming and running somewhere. hyungwon doesn’t like it, he likes to take his time. it does makes sense, if alive things would stop moving they would die. good thing hyungwon isn’t alive then, because he has no idea how he could even survive these times.
living in city makes everything that much worse. the light stealing stars from the sky, the roofs stealing the view of the sky. so much theft, so much chaos around here. hyungwon prefers living in the countryside, but ever since minhyuk and kihyun had the absolutely brilliant idea of trying to live in the present times, he’s being put through this suffering of breathing in dust and gasoline, and who knows what else. there are trees around here too, but they feel fake, they feel more like guests at a place that was meant to be home for them. hyungwon can relate.
after a third weird glance his way from a by-passer he does thinks that a cane and a top-hat are a little too much, considering how little clothes everybody else is wearing out. to his defense, he wasn’t going to dress this way if kihyun didn’t start picking at his clothes again, which actually doesn’t even bother him that much anymore, and minhyuk didn’t support that. so this is more of a “fuck you statement”, he actually doesn’t mind the fashion trend of not having to wear hats anymore, he always hated them, they never look quite right on him.
when hyungwon finally takes the top-hat off to carry in his hands instead, his phone calls. that dreaded thing, he still doesn’t get why he needs it. if somebody needs him, they can visit him at his home and talk about anything in person. “it’s all about convenience, hyungwon”, - minhyuk tried to explain to him. “what if i don’t want my company to be convenient?” – minhyuk frowned at him so gloomly, so hyungwon gave up and allowed to be gifted a phone.
“hello-“
“hyungwon, when do you think you’ll be coming home?” – minhyuk sounds worried, hyungwon tenses, this is not good.
“what is wrong?”
“nothing, uhm, just come home quickly, okay? see you” – the phone goes silent, hyungwon wants to scream at it, but he isn’t going to do that in public. so he speeds up, not too much so he won’t alert the humans on their leisurely nightly walks, and hurries home.
hyungwon pulls on the door, but it doesn’t open. it is fine, there is no need to panic. he knocks, calmly.
“who is there?” – you know, being immortal doesn’t mean being invincible. that thought deathly worries hyungwon, but right now, well right now he is thinking about all the ways he can make it useful.
“lee minhyuk”, - hyungwon tries to sound calm, collected. he is a mature adult, he is many years old, he can keep his cool.
“oh that can’t be, because lee minhyuk is me and i am inside already”, - scratch that.
“minhyuk, i swear”, - the door unlocks at last.
“wow, someone’s grumpy”, - hyungwon is so ready to punch him, but then minhyuk smiles with his bright and sunny smile, and hyungwon wants to punch himself. he really should stop being so lenient with minhyuk, he eventually will bring them all to doom.
“you said to come home quickly, what happened? is everything okay with you and kihyun?” – hyungwon looks over minhyuk – he looks unscathed, no visible injuries. he simply needs to see kihyun and look him over, and-
“uhm, hi”, - hyungwon freezes. who is this young person and what are they doing in their apartment? the rule between them three is no one hosts guests at their home unless they’ve previously discussed it. and he most surely does not remember minhyuk mentioning anything or asking permission? (as if minhyuk ever asks permission about anything).
“hyungwon, meet my friend, his name is changkyun and he is, well, a vampire?” – minhyuk smiles timidly and steps away from hyungwon. good. because hyungwon is fuming. the fact that this changkyun is in their house and has been described as “friend” can only mean one thing.
“why?” – the changkyun boy looks hyungwon up and down, it makes hyungwon’s blodd boil and flow up to his head. once again, hyungwon is dead, his blood is not supposed to “move” anymore.
“why wh-“
“was the friend here dying? was he threatening you? did he, perhaps, save your existence and you graciously granted him this wonderful gift of immortality?” – minhyuk whinces, changkyun boy looks a little scared too. hyungwon breathes out, breathes in, - “do not answer that. i know precisely why you did it and i would rather not hear you mouth it”.
“you can read thoughts?” – it takes everything in hyungwon not to laugh, the boy really sounded surprised and curious, his eyes are sparkling with so much excitement. (life, there is still so much life in his gaze, hyungwon feels a little sorry).
“no, i am no psychic, little one, i simply has known minhyuk for a long enough time”, - changkyun’s excitement seems to dissipate a little. (hyungwon feels a lot more sorry)
“well, i am glad you’re not mad because kihyunie’s coming home early and i have no idea how to explain all of this to him”, - hyungwon sighs. of course kihyun has no idea about this, it is not surprising or else it wouldn’t even be an issue they had to deal with.
“what is so bad about me being a vampire?” – minhyuk and hyungwon share a long glance between them, where to even start explaining this to someone who is so young and has no idea about vampires.
“uhm”, - the usual eloquence fails minhyuk, the two of them are definitely doomed, - “it’s not a good thing to turn someone just, because and leave them kind of unsupervised”.
“do you mean to tell me you didn’t overlook the process of him turning?” – hyungwon’s head feels so heavy, he really wishes to lay down right now.
“i did! we video-called every day!”
“so what i am hearing is that you didn’t”, - hyungwon is too annoyed to even look at minhyuk right now, so he turns all of his attention to the boy, who is rather quiet and mostly keeps on watching the conversation unravel around him. - “i would like to check your vitals and see if everything is fine with your body. when are you free?”
“he is fine!”
“i can come whenever”, - minhyuk loudly huffs out the air and stumps into the living room, - “you pick the day”
“alright, then come see me tomorrow”, - hyungwon motions for them two to go into the living room as well.
minhyuk turns to start talking to changkyun about some thing that hyungwon does not understand, so he stops trying to keep up with conversation and instead uses this time to watch over this boy. he is probably around the age when all of them were turned as well. he also might be around the same height as kihyun too, hyungwon noticed that much while they were all standing in the hallway, but his shoulders are wider and overall his build is very different from kihyun’s. chankyun is tanned, makes hyungwon wonder if he is going to miss sun. his voice is also very deep and melodic, hyungwon can feel himself unintentionally relax while listening him to muse about something with minhyuk.
“i’m home!” – all of them freeze when kihyun enters the living room, - “hello minhyuk and hyungwon! hello minhyuk’s friend!”
“he has a name!”- minhyuk leaps out of the couch to give kihyun a “welcome home, i am glad you are here” kiss. hyungwon turns away, it always feels impolite to observe them in those tender moments; it is not about physical closeness, it is about the way they look at each other even centuries after – as if they are each other’s worlds, as if they’ve hang out the stars for each other and named the most of the wonderful things after each other.
he catches changkyun’s gaze, he is being observed as well. hyungwon looks back in hopes it will intimidate changkyun and he will back down, he doesn’t – he keeps looking at him, calmly, without a trace of what he could possibly be even thinking about. this is intense, despite it hyungwon doesn’t hate this.
“you did what?!” – hyungwon snaps back into the reality, kihyun looks incredibly distressed.
“listen, dearest, just listen-“
“do you have any idea how dangerous it is?” – minhyuk tries to hold onto kihyun, which literally never works when he is mad, but minhyuk keeps trying regardless.
“look he is okay! you are okay, changkyun, right?” – changkyun nods and shows two thumbs up, - “see, he is fine”
“kihyun, it will be alright”, - hyungwon decides to join the conversation as well, - “i will conduct a thorough check-up on changkyun tomorrow, no need to panic so much”
“as if that is the only thing i am worried about! how about the fucking vampire hunters who especially love to target the young vampires? how about other vampires, how will they take it?” – kihyun looks fuming, it is a little entertaining for hyungwon, however minhyuk looks very upset.
“i can take care of myself”, - kihyun exhales and throws his hands up.
“okay, whatever, i guess you can stay here for some time-“
“i have a place to live”, - all the things changkyun has said so far seem to throw kihyun away from his train of thought that he ends standing and staring into nothing for a while. it is truly an amusing sight, hyungwon starts to like this boy more and more.
“okay, i am tired, i will go to bed now”, - kihyun makes a way to his and minhyuk’s room and closes the door after himself.
“he’ll be fine, don’t worry kyunie”, - changkyun responds with a very careful nod, - “do you want to watch a movie or something?”
“i have some things to do so i need to go home”, - he stands up, minhyuk nods and smiles at him starting a conversation about something that hyungwon has no care in. he turns into himself yet again. this was the longest and most confusing ten minutes since a long time. hyungwon has no idea what to think about it all, there has to be some bigger thing at play with minhyuk, he needs to only wait for some time and it’ll become a bit clearer. however not right now, right now he doesn’t know what to think and how to feel, it makes him uncomfortable – and it something he hates the most.
“hyungwon, you can walk chankyung, right” – this doesn’t like a question at all, but he doesn’t mind getting out again for a walk to think some of the things through.
“sure”, - hyungwon stands up from the armchair.
“no need, i can walk by myself”, - hyungwon can feel himself sigh, this boy has really no idea what kind of danger he currently is in.
“it is better if i walk you, it is important for us to keep a close eye on you for now”, - changkyun raises an eyebrow in some silent question, hyungwon decided to ignore it and instead put his shoes on, - “shall we?”
the air outside is a lot colder now, the stars are a barely visible dots throughout the brightness of electronic lights. hyungwon misses the starry nights, misses the bright and mighty light of the moon, he misses not feeling trapped in here.
“may i ask you a question?” – changkyun’s quiet voice is close to whisper, hyungwon’s not entirely sure whether he was even supposed to hear it. he decides to respond anyway.
“sure”, - the boy keeps escaping looking at hyungwon picking the random spots to direct his attention to instead.
“do you miss the sun?” – hyungwon hums. he hasn’t thought about this in a while. he did he thinks, when he was much younger, getting used to living through the night and forcing himself to sleep throughout the days felt impossible. it felt cruel and maddening, but now, now hyungwon doesn’t mind.
“i did at first, but i have forgotten all about it now”, - changkyun nods, seems as he is somewhere far away from the bus stop, from the bright lights blinding the stars, hyungwon wants to follow him there. out of curiosity, of course, and not out of this unexplainable desire to feel warm again not because of the ground giving back the warmth accumulated through the days, not because of the set up fires, not because of the heaters the work of which he still doesn’t understand, but because of standing underneath the sun, soaking up its shine, until your skin feels too tight around your bones and threatens to burst up with golden rays.
“make sure to message minhyuk when you will get to your apartment”, - changkyun nods again, he is still not entirely present (or maybe that’s simply how he is, existing at the same time in different worlds).
“i will ask him to send you back the address of my laboratory, i will be expecting you around the same time you came to visit us today”
“your laboratory”, - changkyun sounds amused, it makes the back of hyungwon’s neck feel extremely itchy. did he say something wrong again? the new vocabulary is extremely hard, though he tries to incorporate newer words into his speech and thoughts, he still ends up messing up when talking to someone from these times.
“yes?”, - the boy gives him a little smirk, usually it would gravely offend hyungwon but there is no malice in changkyun’s actions. it doesn’t look harsh or mocking in any way, it looks different. hyungwon can’t quite assign the emotion for it however.
“okay, i will be seeing you tomorrow then”, - changkyun makes way towards the bus, - “at your laboratory”
hyungwon watches the boy leave, as something inside of him tugs onto , telling him he should’ve done something more, said something else. it feels weird, it feels uncomfortable, he hates being uncomfortable so much more now.
when hyungwon gets home he sees kihyun sitting on the couch, his eyes are closed and he changed into more comfortable clothes for being at home. kihyun reaches out his arm - and minhyuk is already there, curled into his side, quietly chatting away about something, softly brushing kihyun’s hair away from his face. kihyun smiles with a special smile reserved for minhyuk only, holds out minhyuk hand and carefully kisses every finger. (that something from before gnaws onto hyungwon’s flesh, making him ache, making him want). hyungwon turns away and gets to his room, he can already feel how heavy his dreams will be.
he was right. as soon as hyungwon closes his eyes he can feel one of his not quite nightmares overcome him. in this one he’s back at the house he used to live before meeting minhyuk and kihyun. the floor slightly creeks underneath his steps, the air is still with the dust. it is so quiet and peaceful yet hyungwon feels uneasy, he feels watched. something is observing him, waiting in the shadows; it is not a dangerous creature, hyungwon doesn’t think so, but knowing that he isn’t alone makes him feel unsafe. hyungwon tries to walk faster, to check if the door closed so that he won’t come in. hyungwon doesn’t remember who that he is, but the fear is pushing him forward. faster, faster, close the door, close the windows. as he finally cuts through the sluggishness of the movements, the door creaks open and-
“did you even wash up before falling asleep?” – hyungwon groans, his head hurts enough to listen yoo kihyun nag him about stupid meaningless things.
“get out”, - his throat feels too soar and dry, the words come out a lot harsher and rough, but kihyun simply sighs at him.
“need any clothes to be washed? i’m doing laundry today”, - hyungwon points at the pile a little further from his bed and closes his eyes again, - “disgusting, how can you even live like this”
hyungwon groans again. he hates waking up, but he can’t go back to sleep neither since his dreams has been invaded by some of his older memories that turn everything into a nightmare. kihyun leaves his room and hyungwon almost wants to call out for him to stay, to ask him to sit next to him for a while. but hyungwon is alone now, with the wounds he forgot existed aching and bleeding. hyungwon is all alone and no one can help him. he presses his palms on his eyes, hoping to push these fear and hurt back into the deepest corners of his mind.
hyungwon feels someone lay next to him, another hand moves the hair from his sweaty forehead and presses something cooling on instead. safety; he was promised it a long time ago, that promise hasn’t been broken yet.
“did you know that whales have names?” – minhyuk’s raspy voice tickles hyungwon’s neck, - “apparently they do, the scientists noticed that they use specific sounds to call out for each other. at first they thought those were just random, but they are not”
hyungwon doesn’t need to open his eyes to know how bright minhyuk’s eyes are twinkling right now; it is fascinating how much admiration and love minhyuk has for those massive creatures, which means that kihyun’s eyes are reflecting back with just as much brightness in them. he feels safe (he feels loved, so loved, he doesn’t even know where to fit all this love).
“changkyun texted me saying he made it fine to his home”, - hyungwon nods slightly, he can feel kihyun sitting right beside his head, lightly brushing the strands of his hair. he falls asleep again, surrounded by warmth of minhyuk’s arms and softness of kihyun’s hums, he doesn’t dream anymore.
hyungwon’s trip to the laboratory is quick, he managed to get some hours of sleep but it wasn’t enough anyway. now he is standing next to his desk contemplating whether to wear the glasses or not: on one hand, he need to see well to conduct the most thorough check-up of changkyun, on the other hand, his head hurts and wearing them feels heavy and too disturbing.
“hey there”, - a little current of static runs down hyungwon’s spine, he brushes it away and calmly turns around, - “your laboratory looks cozy”
“thank you. you can sit on the couch for now”, - hyungwon decided to put the glasses anyway, he also takes his notebook and gloves, - “may i get close to you?”
“sure”, - changkyun takes off his coat, hesitates for a second and then his hoodie as well, - “do i need to take off the-“
“no!” – hyungwon can’t blush physically, but all his insides are light on fire. changkyun looks at him in a way hyungwon can’t decipher, it will bother him probably (most certainly) forever, - “there is no need for that, i will be checking your fangs, asking you some questions - nothing that requires you to take off your clothes”
“’kay”, - hyungwon exhales, at least changkyun doesn’t seem too bothered by his awkwardness, so they can move on.
hyungwon manages to keep his mind away for the entirety of the procedure; changkyun is fine, his fangs are growing well, his muscles are in top notch form, his joints aren’t swollen. changkyun described the process of his turn and nothing seemed to be too bad – he underwent only a little fever. (hyungwon can only remember immense pain from his turning). changkyun is healthy and doing okay, he already knows enough about feeding and makes sure to drink enough liquids throughout the days, minhyuk has been doing quite a good job at helping him so far, hyungwon isn’t surprised. (memory of minhyuk’s hands on his back, calming him, steading him enters his mind and then fades away).
“you are doing wonderfully”, - changkyun smiles, hyungwon notes down how pretty and gentle his smiling face looks, - “do you, perhaps, have any questions for me?”
“are you a scientist?” – hyungwon shakes his head a little.
“no, i am a doctor”, - changkyun rises an eyebrow, how he can do it so effortlessly? - “i used to take in people here, but it is apparently illegal to do it without a license, so i stopped my work and use this place as a personal space, mostly to read and be alone with my thoughts”
changkyun nods and then starts giggling, the tone of his laughter is much higher than the tone of his talking voice (but just as lovely). hyungwon is suddenly aware of how close they are sitting, his hands are mere centimeters away from changkyun’s knee.
“i have enough education and practice, i do not understand why should i prove anything”, - changkyun keeps laughing as if hyungwon’s the most amusing person ever. (it is not a bad feeling, hyungwon doesn’t mind being perceived as an amusing person).
“true”, - hyungwon wants to start clapping, he had this very conversation with kihyun, who undergoes studies again every once in a while so he can actually work as a doctor at the hospital, and he doesn’t think hyungwon’s thoughts are ‘true’, he thinks they are ‘ridiculous’. (“of course you need to get a license, so the government knows you won’t kill anyone!”)
“any other questions you might have?” – changkyun shakes his head, - “then we are done here”.
hyungwon stands up and offers his hand to changkyun, who gives him that weird look again, but takes his offer anyway. they end up standing very close now, hyungwon can feel chankgyun’s perfume, his skin itches to do something, to feel something.
hyungwon moves away. he feels awkward, he feels out of his place, he hates it. changkyun clears his throat, he moves away as well to dress up.
“i forgot to ask you another question”, - hyungwon’s head is pounding, he takes his glasses off and fiddles with them to occupy his (stupid lonely stupid) hands, - “have you noticed anyone following you? any new strangers moving in close to you or, maybe, walking up to you to talk about random matters?”
“no, it’s all good”, - hyungwon nods, the hunters must’ve not found about changkyun yet, that truly is good, he has time to grow in peace.
“wait for a little bit, i’ll walk you out”, - changkyun pauses and cranes his head a little, ‘why’ hangs out in the air, almost feasible to touch. hyungwon doesn’t have the answer for it. (he has, but he brushes it away, this answer sounds too needy, too selfish).
hyungwon regrets not having anything to hold onto when they walk out to the streets together. he has never been more aware of their existence and now he has to do something with them. put them in the pockets of his coat? that is too impolite. he quickly looks over changkyun, he’s got that look again as if he isn’t fully present, his body and his mind are in two different places.
“you seem troubled”, - hyungwon’s thought tumbles out of his mouth before he could even stop himself. well, there is no place for him to run to and hide in, he has to go on, - “is everything okay?”
“i thought i wanted this, really wanted this”, - oh. hyungwon is really not the person to be discussing this with. – “min told me i might miss things, miss people. but i don’t. there isn’t really anything or anyone i feel sad about”
“it is okay though, i now have a lot of time to figure out what i want to do and who i want to be”, - changkyun turns to face him, the lights and neon signs look alive reflecting on changkyun’s skin. his eyes look even more alive, his eyes look so full of life. (so do his lips, hyungwon has to drag his attention back into the conversation).
“it if wonderful you have hope, little one”, - the endearment slips past all of the walls and defense mechanisms hyungwon has set up inside; changkyun doesn’t seem bothered, he gifts hyungwon with a small lovely smile.
they walk to the bus stop in silence, but it is a comforting kind, the one when the two of you are comfortable with each other. hyungwon at least hopes that changkyun feels comfortable around him and not just quietly judging him, it wouldn’t matter even if he was, it simply would be better in a long run if the two of them liked each other company.
“please, do message minhyuk when you will be safe at your home”, - hyungwon can already see the sky getting slightly coloured in the edges by the sun that will rise very soon, he should hurry.
“give me your phone number”, - hyungwon’s mind pauses again, he begins to worry about the state of his brain, - “it’ll be more convenient to text you directly”
“of course, that does sound so”, - he reaches into his pocket to take the phone out, but releases that he must’ve left it at home, - “i do not have it with me right now. i will tell minhyuk to give you my phone number”
changkyun nods. hyungwon vaguely remembers minhyuk talking about how someone tried to “hit on him” by asking for his phone, this is clearly not what is happening since, it is definitely not that kind of situation. it poses a question, however, would he like to be “hit on” by changkyun? (yes) no, no that would be absolutely ridiculous.
“you are always welcomed in my laboratory by the way, if you ever have any questions or concerns”, - changkyun looks at him, changkyun looks through him. hyungwon tries to keep his face at a neutral state, he tries to not let anything slip away.
“and if i don’t?” – this is some kind of game. hyungwon doesn’t know the rules, he would like to play along but he isn’t good at it.
“you are welcomed regardless”, - changkyun gifts him another lovely smile. hyungwon notes it down in his memories, for later purposes.
when hyungwon makes it home, he sees kihyun and minhyuk fallen asleep on the couch: minhyuk’s head is on kihyun’s shoulder, kihyun’s holding onto minhyuk tightly as to keep him in place, to not let him go. hyungwon goes into his room to take a blanket and cover the two of them, and as he finishes tucking it around kihyun, he catches hyungwon’s wrist.
“how’s changkyun?” – his voice sounds very tired, he must’ve had a rough day at work.
“he is well, healthy. minhyuk has been taking good care of him”, - kihyun nods with a little smile, - “speaking of, where is minhyuk’s hand-phone? changkyun should message to say if he is already home”
kihyun lets him go, points and closes his eyes. hyungwon checks for any new messages but there isn’t any yet, he decides to sit in the living room for a bit longer. when the screen finally lights up, his heart feels something, something that wasn’t there before (perhaps, it was so long, he forgotten all about this feeling).
yo
tell hyungwon i’m home
that is great. i am glad to hear this. minhyuk is asleep already, so i am the one responding from his phone. – hyungwon
i see
does min have no password?
he does not.
interesting
you promised me your number to
i do not remember it off the top of my head. i will tell minhyuk to send it to you when he wakes up.
k
hyungwon doesn’t know what that message might mean, he hopes it’s nothing bad. he should go to bed now if he wants to be somewhat coherent tomorrow.
his dreams are sticky and muddy, but not cohesive: faces of people he doesn’t remember the names of, paths he doesn’t remember walking by, he tries to run but his legs don’t listen to him. at least no more nightmares, no more memories of him, whoever he (it) is.
changkyun stops by hyungwon’s laboratory the next day and the day after that. he doesn’t talk much, giving hyungwon enough space to think and do his own thing (but it is nice to have company, it is so nice he wants to ask him to stay forever). hyungwon starts occasionally reading out some of the phrases he liked when he read them, sometimes changkyun gives him no more than a nod or a hum, sometimes they stop and discuss. changkyun is very smart, his way around words is simple yet so truthful and beautiful hyungwon wonders how can someone’s brain work in such a pretty and neat way. changkyun is neat, hyungwon likes being around him. even more so hyungwon likes to quietly watch over him, learn his habits and roundabouts: how changkyun seems to frown while he’s deep in his thoughts, how prettily he fixes his hair, how easily yet gracefully all his movements are. hyungwon notes down every detail about changkyun he can notice, he can’t quite explain what for he is doing that for - research of some sorts, taking care of young vampire, maybe. does it even matter?
however all the wonders brought into hyungwon’s world by changkyun seem to heavily push on some dark corners, making them ache in hyungwon’s chest. he now keeps wanting things he never seemed to care about before. every moment between minhyuk and kihyun seem to now mean something different, making him feel shameful things he doesn’t want to admit. (jealous, he is so jealous it tears him apart). every time kihyun fixes minhyuk’s messy hair, every time minhyuk kisses kihyun as a good-bye or as a welcome-home, every time the two of them fall asleep together still holding onto each other even in sleep as if worried the other might mysteriously vanish if they don’t something overcomes hyungwon. (jealousy, want, hurt).
“you seem troubled”, – hyungwon blinks back into reality, changkyun is curled up on his couch typing away something, - “we can talk about it if you want to”
“there is nothing to talk about, everything is alright”, - changkyun seems visibly upset, but he nods anyway and turns his attention back to the screen in front of him.
“hey, can i ask a question?” – hyungwon gives up on trying to finish reading his book by today.
“of course”
“can vampires drink alcohol?” – hyungwon wants to laugh a little, minhyuk wouldn’t mention this to changkyun since he never drinks (maybe he did some time ago, but hyungwon can’t remember it).
“yes, we can. however, it will take around twice the amount to actually feel drunk”, - changkyun lets out a little hum, - “any particular reason for you to be asking this?”
“can i have another question?” – changkyun ignores hyungwon, it makes him a little worried. but he won’t pry after declining sharing his own problems.
“sure”, - changkyun quickly looks over hyungwon’s face and turns around.
“is it okay for me to be hanging around people? or am i some kind of danger to them for now?” – hyungwon’s heart lets out a weird squeak, something urging him to pull changkyun into his arms and hold him.
“it is alright, you don’t have to entirely isolate yourself from other people”, - hyungwon’s thoughts bubbling up, blowing up, pushing him to inch a little closer to changkyun, - “if you want to go to an outing with other people, it is fine. although, if i may suggest, i would say to not go alone”
“will you go with me then?” – changkyun gives him an opening yet to another game, hyungwon still hasn’t learnt the rules.
“if you so wish”, – he inhales a little deeper, - “it would be my pleasure to accompany you”
hyungwon wasn’t panicking when he agreed to escort changkyun, hyungwon wasn’t panicking when he walked changkyun to the bus stop, he even wasn’t panicking when they talked the next day. but now it is the day, the day of the outing and hyungwon doesn’t know what to do with himself.
“hey, hyungwon, you okay?” – he wants to snap back so hard his jaw would shatter, but he collects himself and calmly sits down, then he very calmly curls into himself and bumps into minhyuk’s side.
“changkyun asked me to go along with him to an outing”, - minhyuk starts painting circles into his back, - “there will be other people too”
“you don’t want to go?” – hyungwon shakes his head, which ends up in him sort of rubbing against minhyuk, - “you worried you will look out of place?”
“a little”, - minhyuk repositions himself to be side-hugging him, it feels so nice hyungwon almost lets himself tear up a little, - “i do not know what to even expect”
“then don’t. don’t expect anything, kyunie already likes you enough to ask you to go with him, so you don’t have to worry about that. nobody else matters. if you won’t be comfortable with something, you can just tell kyunie, he is a good boy and he will get you out”, - hyungwon sighs, minhyuk hugs him a little tighter, - “you want help with anything?”
“no, it is alright”, - hyungwon feels like a child. (he vaguely remembers that he is kind of a child to minhyuk and kihyun, when he met them the two of them were already over a hundred years old).
“okay, anything you want”, - he doesn’t pull away and minhyuk lets him be, he can feel his mind quiet down a little. in some time he can feel kihyun cover the two of them with a blanket and sit by his other side, minhyuk must’ve fallen asleep, but hyungwon is still too restless. kihyun seems to notice that, he gently helps him untangle himself from minhyuk, then he points to kitchen and walks out.
hyungwon follows him, folds himself onto a tall stool next to the counter. kihyun makes him warm tea and sits down next to him.
“i will be going out with changkyun, i don’t know however in which time we will be back”, - kihyun nods, - “i will try to call you to inform when i’ll be coming home”
“dress warmly, it’s going to be cold tonight”, - hyungwon feels grateful, kihyun somehow always finds ways to care for him even is he can be a brat to him.
“thank you”, - kihyun smiles and ruffles hyungwon’s hair as he stands up to go back into the living room. hyungwon scowls, but not in an angry way, more like a courtesy to their usual relationship.
“it will be fine, you will be fine”, - hyungwon nods, he wants to believe in it too.
changkyun looks dazzling, his hair is styled to frame his face in beautiful curves, his shirt swoops down his shoulders in soft lines to meet lower on his chest. hyungwon’s brain completely stops operating, he doesn’t know what to do and how to act, his stomach is trying to burn him down from the inside. the air feels too tight with the awkwardness, he has to say something.
“won’t you be cold, little one?” – changkyun smirks a little at him, he looks especially sharp, neon lights reflecting off his features (hyungwon remembers reading about tropical wild-life from a long time ago, the book spoke about how the brightest of creatures in those forests are the most dangerous one).
“you’ll keep me warm, won’t you?”, - ah, right, hyungwon can always give changkyun his coat, his jacket should be enough to keep him warm.
“of course. shall we go in?” – changkyun looks a little stunned by the response, did he think hyungwon will just stand by and watch him freeze? that would be too cruel, is that what he thinks of hyungwon?
the club is not anything hyungwon thought of it to be, hyungwon feels so out of place. it is so hot, everyone here are around as undressed for the weather as changkyun is, the music is so loud hyungwon can’t hear his thoughts, the floor is too sticky, the air is too tight-
“follow me”, - changkyun gently reaches out to his forearm and guides him to the quieter side. hyungwon gets out of his stuffy coat and then the jacket, he worries who will look after his clothes but pushes it away.
“you look good”, - changkyun gives him a sharp smile, hyungwon never received it before, he isn’t quite sure what to do with it now.
“you look great yourself”, - when he gets a little closer to changkyun he can already smell alcohol on changkyun’s breath, it’s faint, barely there, but he catches it anyway.
“let’s get some drinks”, - hyungwon considers to hold him down and offer to walk him home, there is some hurt reflecting in changkyun’s eyes. it could simply be the terrible lightning. it could be a part of changkyun he is not allowed to touch.
hyungwon nods.
changkyun keeps downing drinks, hyungwon is worried but doesn’t know what to say. he feels so uncomfortable and changkyun is trying to drown something he can’t even help with, he wants to take them both out of here.
“maybe you should slow down a little? you can still get sick if you drink too much. so-“
“dance with me”, - changkyun offers him a hand, hyungwon hesitates but takes it anyway. he gets another sharp smile; it is still part of changkyun, but much harsher, all teeth and rawness. hyungwon doesn’t dislike it, but he misses the softness and warmth.
changkyun holds him by the waist and sways him a little, hyungwon tries to follow, he is trying really hard. changkyun is so close, he is all around, his hands pressing into hyungwon, his lips are one breath away from hyungwon’s skin. hyungwon feels drunk. changkyun pushes his hands up and throws himself completely into hyungwon.
“changkyun”, - he wanted his voice to sound cold to match changkyun’s smirk, but it sounds like a plead. changkyun stops, his coldness falters for a moment, reveling something so fragile and vulnerable. hyungwon catches it, but he doesn’t know what to do, so he lets it go.
“sorry, i.. i am sorry, we can leave if you hate it here”, - hyungwon nods, he wants to leave, he wants to carry changkyun out with him.
the air outside is even colder than a couple of hours ago, changkyun is shaking really hard but tries to keep his distance away from hyungwon. (it hurts a little, somewhere between hyungwon’s ribs). hyungwon takes his coat off and puts it around his shoulders.
“do you not check the weather before you go out?” – changkyun doesn’t look up to him, - “i believe my laboratory is close by, so we should stop by, i’ll make you a warm drink”
“you’re not mad”, - the words come out sounding a little broken around, hyungwon feels so guilty, he feels as if he was the one to somehow cause this.
“how could i ever be mad at you?” – he tries to make his voice sound warm, it is no easy task but changkyun finally meets his eyes, - “we should hurry though, before the sun rises”
they make it on time. changkyun is covered in couple of blankets, with a steaming cup of tea hyungwon made for him. safe. the two of them are safe now.
“today is the anniversary of my friend’s death”, - shit. hyungwon almost falls out of his seat. changkyun’s voice sounds so small, - “by this time i’m usually off, not thinking and not feeling”
“i’m sorry”, - hyungwon intruded and now changkyun’s is in pain.
“don’t be”, - hyungwon doesn’t know what to with himself, his body feels so present and so large, he doesn’t know where to fit himself, - “at least i’m not alone”
“do you miss your friend?” – what a stupid question. how could he even ask something so outrageously-
“i do. he was the only person i had and now he’s gone”, - changkyun cracks in pieces, hyungwon cracks in half too, - “it’s bad to say but i am so angry at him. how could he just leave me?”
hyungwon doesn’t know what to say. so he doesn’t talk. he offers his arms to changkyun – and his offer is accepted. changkyun holds tightly onto him, letting his anger sip through hyungwon’s shirt, and then there is silence. hyungwon sits more comfortably, pulling the boy in his arms a little closer.
“it is okay. well, it is not actually, but in some years the pain will dull”, - changkyun sniffles a little, hyungwon pats his head, - “it will hurt less and less, the good memories will stay and the bad ones will fade out, you will look back and feel nostalgic, a little sad, but the pain won’t be there anymore. all your hurt parts will mend, you will be okay”
changkyun falls asleep, tired by the alcohol and tears, hyungwon remembers to call kihyun.
“hyungwon-ah, are you okay?” – minhyuk is loudly whispering, kihyun must be asleep already, - “are you coming home?”
“no, i have to stay with changkyun to make sure he is okay. i will come back later today”, - hyungwon suddenly feels so tired, today was too much.
“okay, that’s okay. as long as the two of you are safe”, - hyungwon nods, then remembers it is a phone call and repeats the affirmation out loud, - “try to sleep, you sound exhausted. we’ll talk when you come back”
hyungwon hears a light click informing him that the call is over, he can feel himself drift away too. the reason of this is not ideal, but he really doesn’t mind spending his evenings this way – with changkyun in his arms, secure and warm. maybe, this thought is the result of staring too intently at minhyuk and kihyun. (maybe, this thought is the result of staring too intently at changkyun).
when hyungwon wakes up changkyun is still curled next to him, peaceful in his sleep, the sharp angles of his nose look somehow softer (kissable), his lips are slightly parted (kissable). hyungwon checks the clock for time – it is around noon, so the both of them are staying her for the rest of the day. he wonders for a moment how beautiful changkyun’s features would look underneath the sun, he wonders about changkyun’s profile being softly kissed by the sunlight. (he wonders about changkyun’s profile being softly kissed).
when changkyun wakes up hyungwon fears he will pull away. but he doesn’t.
“how is your head feeling?” – hyungwon isn’t sure whether he should ask about feelings, he doesn’t know how he’ll be able to help with that. but he knows how to deal with headaches, he can help with any physical help changkyun might have.
“it hurts a little”, - changkyun’s barely awaken voice makes hyungwon’s insides tangle between each other. he tries to stand up to fetch some water, but he is lightly pulled down.
“don’t go, stay with me for some tiem”, - hyungwon is on fire, this what standing under the sun must feel – burning, burning to ashes. (he is happy with that).
changkyun lays his head on top of hyungwon’s legs and closes his eyes. hyungwon’s fingers itch a little, he pushes some of changkyun’s hair away, gently brushing through it, changkyun lets out a tiny hum. hyungwon is . he is what? endeared, yes, that word works quite alright. he is enamored with fascination (affection affection love). hyungwon keeps lightly brushing changkyun’s hair, who seems to fall back asleep. this is nice. hyungwon wants to freeze this moment in his memory and keep it for as long as he can.
“make sure to message me when you get home. drink a lot of water”, - changkyun nods, his lips are curled up a little, - “also, your feeding time is soon”
“i know, i know”, - hyungwon’s chest feels tight, he keeps trying to inhale more air but it’s never enough, he should try exhaling but it doesn’t feel good neither, - “don’t worry so much, i’m a smart capable boy, i can take care of myself”
“i know. i just care for you a lot, little one”, - changkyun pauses, his eyes look at hyungwon – so full of hope, so full of life, his gaze stings hyungwon’s skin a little, - “be careful on your way home”
changkyun nods and waves as he goes onto the buss. hyungwon’s chest hurts so much, he might as well be dying for the second time.
“hyungwon!” – minhyuk practically hurls himself onto hyungwon, - “tell me everything! what happened? i couldn’t sleep the whole time”
“my dear, let hyungwon at least have some water first”, - kihyun gently pulls minhyuk by the waist, guiding him back into the living room. hyungwon notices that minhyuk must’ve stayed up all night worrying about him, which in result woken up kihyun. he feels a little guilty, but he doesn’t know how to begin explaining the last day to them.
minhyuk is bouncing a little, kihyun also looks curious but he’s trying to hold off and not pressure hyungwon.
“i..” – hyungwon opens his mouth, then pauses. – “i like changkyun”
“no shit!” – minhyuk looks absolutely delighted, kihyun giggles and pulls minhyuk closer to himself so he won’t jump up and crush into the ceiling, - “are you dating now? are you a couple? oh we should-“
“we are not together”, - if hyungwon doesn’t find a solution for this breathing problem soon, he will suffocate, - “he is wonderful. lovely, smart and beautiful. and i, i am..”
“hyungwon”, - kihyun’s tone is careful and soft, - “you are all these things too”
“would he even want someone like me?” – he feels minhyuk hands wrap around him before he lets himself fall.
“you should ask”, - hyungwon holds onto minhyuk. if he shuts his eyes strongly enough, he will be alright again.
“and if he declines me? then it’ll hurt to be around him, but we can’t cut him out. he is still too young, we need to care for him and help him out”, - he can feel kihyun’s hand on his back as well.
“it will be okay, we’ll deal with it as we go, no need to overthink it already”, - hyungwon exhales, his ribs aren’t crushing his lungs anymore. he still can’t breathe as well as he did before, but this feels a lot better already.
the next week drags so slow, each time hyungwon leaves the house determined to confess, each time he sees changkyun’s face he forgets how to talk altogether.
minhyuk is restless too, he keeps checking over hyungwon and talking about bravery and feelings and feelings of bravery. kihyun is no better, he looks with such softness and care at hyungwon, it is sickening. although hyungwon appreciates the concern, but he is so tired of it he makes sure to come back home only when two of them are asleep.
his dreams are filled with blood, so much blood. he bleeds, he makes others bleed, blood is all around his hands, dripping down his chin, blossoming on his chest. he wants to scream but instead he wakes up panting.
“are you feeling okay?” – changkyun is typing away on his laptop as usual, the unusual is in how close they are sitting.
“having some sleeping troubles”, - technically, it is the truth. technically, lying is only when you make things up. technically, keeping silent still counts for honesty.
“not because of me i hope”, - changkyun lets a little giggle, hyungwon feels like he’s just been shot right between his eyes. – “sorry, you looked so serious”
“i have issues with my memory. i do not remember a good part of my past”, - changkyun puts away his laptop and sits up to face hyungwon, - “but my brain hasn’t forgotten entirely, so i keep getting those twisted puzzles of some things i was a part of a long time ago”
“does anything help?” – changkyun’s voice sounds calming, hyungwon wants to build himself a nice house out of it and live it for the remaining centuries. – “you said meds don’t work on us anymore, but maybe there is something else”
“not being alone”, - changkyun nods, - “sometimes minhyuk or kihyun will stay back to help me, but i can’t ask them to be with me every night”
“you can ask me”, - hyungwon stops. or maybe the world does. – “i mean, you can just call me and we’ll talk for as long as you need. you won’t be alone then”
“i wouldn’t want to bother you, you need all the rest you can get”, - changkyun puts his hand on top of hyungwon’s and squeezes it gently.
“it’s okay, i care for you more”, - not a single coherent thought is left inside hyungwon’s head, only the sounds of sirens going off. (he might as well, he very well might as well).
“thank you, i appreciate this grandly”, - hyungwon is a coward, what else is new. changkyun looks a little let down as well. – “minhyuk and kihyun has invited you for a movie night”
“oh? when?” – the disappointment filled the air, hyungwon feels sick from breathing it.
“tomorrow. it’s not only them”, - hyungwon looks down, changkyun’s hand is still on top of his. he feels tempted. (tempted to bring it to his lips). – “i, too, will be expecting you”
“i thought that i and minhyuk will be taking the armchair”, - kihyun has been in command since they all woke up. he already made them clean up around the kitchen, the corridor and now they finished cleaning up the living room.
“but that’s my place”, - hyungwon doesn’t care about how whiny he sounds, his arms feel like falling off, he doesn’t care about anything anymore.
“well, kihyunie, maybe hyungwon wants to have changkyun in his lap the whole time”, - minhyuk always ends up standing up by kihyun, always somehow holding onto him, touching him in any way he can. – “right, hyungwonie?”
“you may have it”, - hyungwon ignores him. minhyuk plops down into (hyungwon’s) armchair, pulling kihyun together with him.
“whatever”, - kihyun sighs and leans further against minhyuk. (hyungwon thinks about having changkyun in his lap, it burns through his skull making his entire head turn to smoke).
kihyun ends up falling asleep sitting against minhyuk’s chest, so hyungwon ends up being the one to let changkyun in. (he would’ve volunteered anyway).
“changkyunie!” – minhyuk still holds a sleeping kihyun in his arms, but reaches out his hand to wave at changkyun. – “i missed you, hyungwon has been hording you all to himself”
changkyun laughs, it is a soft kind of laughter, the one that makes hyungwon stomach turn inside out.
“maybe, he simply prefers my company more”, - minhyuk pouts making changkyun laugh again.
“what are we watching?” – changkyun sits close to hyungwon, his leg is almost laying atop of hyungwon’s.
“have no idea, it was kihyun’s time to choose and he woudn’t tell me”, - minhyuk gently adjusts kihyun’s shirt in places it got tangled, - “but we can choose anything you want now, i guess”
they end up watching some big popular movie about superheroes – “he is an anti-hero actually” – that makes hyungwon so confused the whole time. changkyun tries to explain things to him but it only complicates the plot further. then they switch to a different movie, it is about a couple coming together, hyungwon gives up on trying to piece anything together and opts for watching changkyun instead. he is far more entertaining and pretty than anything on screen, the way his eyes light up, the ways shadows play with his features – softening them, sharpening them, hiding some and bringing out others even stronger.
when the couple kisses on the screen he notices out of corner of his eye that minhyuk leans down to kiss kihyun as well, he looks back at changkyun. (he wants to, he wants so bad).
“okay we should stop now if changkyun still wants to go home on time”, - it sounds like a question posed for hyungwon, he doesn’t know what to answer.
“yeah, this was fun”, - minhyuk smiles brightly, - “thanks for inviting me”
“yeah, come any time you want, you still need to properly meet kihyun”, - changkyun smiles just as brightly back and nods. hyungwon stands up to follow him out of the door.
they walk a little faster then usual, hyungwon wants to say something (confess, confess, why can’t you just say it, why do you need to be such a coward), but the time isn’t on their side so they need to hurry.
changkyun’s bus comes way too quick – and he is gone, just like that.
hyungwon comes back home, minhyuk and kihyun already went to their room. he sighs and rubs his face, trying to wipe off the stickiness around his lips stopping him from talking. it doesn’t work.
when he finally makes it to the bed, he can feel a nightmare coming before he can pull himself away. in this one he knows he will burn, his entire house will be set on fire. the reason is a mystery to him, but it isn’t his fault, that much he’s sure. he simply happens to be at a house that happens to be set on fire, that is all. it is not helping him to not be scared and hurt anyway.
he wakes up still feeling fire on his skin, his day will be ruined now. he finds his phone next to his bed and calls.
“hyungwon?” – changkyun sounds sleepy himself, hyungwon wants to hang up now.
“a nightmare?” – hyungwon stays quiet. – “how can i help?”
“just, talk. about anything you want”
“ah, okay. let me think what can i talk about. mmhm, i’ve been thinking about what movies we could watch if there will be another movie night”, - hyungwon nods, - “there is a movie i watched some time ago, i thought you might like it too”
hyungwon closes his eyes, right now he wishes that changkyun was near him. he wants to see him tell about some movie about perfumes or something similar to that. hyungwon is far lost in changkyun’s voice, he doesn’t know what is he being told about.
“you still with me, hyungwon?” – changkyun yawns, hyungwon feels so bad.
“yes, sorry for waking you up. you should try and get some sleep now if you can”
“it’s fine, as long as you are okay”, - hyungwon wishes changkyun was here, he wants to pull changkyun out of his phone and lay down next to him.
“i am. thank you, little one” – hyungwon can almost feel changkyun’s sleepy smile. (he wants to taste it too). – “now try to sleep too”
“okay, until tonight then”, - the phone clicks softly. tonight. tonight hyungwon should try to be brave how minhyuk’s been urging him to be.
hyungwon paces around, waiting for changkyun to come. he knows there is no reason to be this impatient, maybe he should wait for a bit longer. hyungwon still has many years to think it all over, maybe he this is the best decision to make now. he remembers he never asked how changkyun and minhyuk even met. (it wouldn’t matter any way, it’s now or never).
“oh hey, did something happen?” – hyungwon finds himself stepping closer to changkyun.
“no, everything is fine. i wanted to talk to you”, - hyungwon can feel his nerves bare out and thin out, they will snap if hyungwon doesn’t do anything, doesn’t say anything.
“sure”, – changkyun doesn’t step away, he takes his hands out of pockets and focuses all of his attention on hyungwon.
“uhm”, - fuck. all hyungwon’s eloquence and bravery are gone now. changkyun frowns for a second and then starts giggling. – “what? why are you laughing?”
“nothing, nothing, please continue. take your time”, - hyungwon exhales, his nerves snap one by one and he starts giggling back at changkyun. he falls a little closer to changkyun, who reaches to hold onto him. hyungwon breathes in and lets his brain shut off. he is so close, there is no need to be worried anymore.
“i like you a lot”, - changkyun smiles and bumps his head against hyungwon’s.
“i like you too, i like you so much too”, - hyungwon feels happy.
the world around him is filled with so much love, hyungwon might like this modern world a lot more than he thought before.