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They were fighting every single day, nothing Will said or did made it better--Hannibal knew their relationship was ending.
He never thought he'd have the chance to have an alpha and a child--nor did he ever think they'd be taken away from him so abruptly.
--
A part of Hannibal blamed Will for what happened, it wasn't really his fault, but Hannibal can't seem to make himself understand that.
Will was always so careful, until that night that he wasn't careful.
On that night everything changed, it could never be the same.
--
Will had taken Élodie with him to the dog park along with their remaining three dogs. They'd gone to that dog park so many times, Hannibal never thought letting Élodie go was a bad idea.
It hadn't been the dog park's fault either.
Hannibal still blamed it.
--
If Élodie had stayed home with Hannibal and helped him with dinner..
He can hardly stand to think of his daughter anymore--it's just too painful.
The images in his mind have faded, but every now and again he'll close his eyes and see her face, lifeless and bloody.
--
It wasn't the car's fault either, neither Will's car nor the other driver's car.
Hannibal still blamed them.
It took him nearly six weeks before he could get into a car with Will again.
--
The car was totaled, but the dogs were fine, and Will was fine, but Hannibal's baby girl wasn't fine.
She was four and she liked to unbuckle herself, Hannibal had told Will over and over to check her car seat straps.
"I checked them, Hannibal, I checked them a hundred times."
--
The car came out of nowhere, Will had said, he hadn't seen it coming. It wasn't his fault.
Hannibal knew Will blamed himself, just as Hannibal blamed Will.
But more than anything, Hannibal blamed himself--if he hadn't let her go, if he'd said no, or told them to wait until after dinner, maybe..
--
Élodie was four; she was smart and beautiful with dark eyes and soft curls. She reminded Hannibal of Mischa, but with a fierceness in her that came from Will.
He was certain she would present as alpha when the time came.
--
Another empty bottle of whiskey in the trash, another screaming match between them--Hannibal couldn't do it anymore.
The house was his, but he couldn't bear to stay in it--he packed a few bags with clothes and toiletries.
He closed his eyes and shoved a photo album full of pictures of their family into the bag as well.
He hoped one day he would have the strength to look at those photos, to remember his daughter and his alpha and not feel like he was dying himself.
He left his keys on the kitchen counter, but didn't leave a note, his hand shook every time he tried to write it out.
He didn't tell Will when he was leaving, he didn't tell anyone.
Hannibal disappeared.
--
His heart ached and every day seemed worse than the day before it.
He neededhis alpha, but he couldn't handle the drinking and the fighting and the pain, anymore.
But the pain didn't go away. Because the one person Hannibal blamed the most was himself, nothing he did or said made it better. Nothing would ever make it better again.
Eight weeks after Hannibal left he became sick--he told himself over and over it was mate sickness.
--
Sixteen weeks after Hannibal left, he can't deny what he knows any longer. He can't call his symptoms mate sickness any longer.
He's pregnant; he doesn't know what to do. He wants the baby, of course he wants their child, but he doesn't know if he can do it.
--
Twenty-two weeks after Hannibal left he finds out he's having a little boy.
He cries for days and days.
He wants to pick up the phone and call Will, or go home, but he doesn't know if Will would answer.. doesn't know if Will still lives in their house.
--
Thirty-six weeks after Hannibal left he gets a phone call in the middle of the night, the caller doesn't speak, but he /knows/ it's Will, even if the number isn't one he recognizes.
--
Fifty weeks after Hannibal left he's got a three month old baby boy named Silas, and still has a broken heart from the loss of his daughter and his alpha.
He thinks to call Will more so now that Silas has been born and looks so much like him, but he's too afraid.
--
Sixty-one weeks after Hannibal left there is a hurried, persistent knocking on his front door around seven am.
Silas is still asleep and thankfully the knocking doesn't wake him.
Hannibal opens the door, his knees go weak and he begins to cry.
"You shouldn't be here." He cries.
"I've been looking for you for over a year, Hannibal."
"Maybe I didn't want to be found."
"I don't believe that, not for a second."
Hannibal opens his mouth, ready to tell Will to leave when Silas begins to cry, loud and wailing.
"You've had another child?"
Hannibal doesn't answer, he leaves Will standing in the doorway.
He scoops Silas up from his crib, shushing him gently and promising to feed him in a moment.
Hannibal knows Will followed him, he wouldn't have expected him to stay and wait for him to come back.
"Whose is he?"
"Mine."
"You didn't make a baby by yourself, Hannibal. You got a new alpha?" Will's voice is full of pain.
"Don't be stupid, Will, you'd know if I'd broken our bond." Hannibal places Silas on the changing table, he'll feed him after.
"Then I'll ask again, whose is he?"
"Your's, he's your son, Will!"
"No, no, he can't be mine."
"Look at him and tell me he's not."
A moment passes, "I couldn't handle the pain of losing her."
"She was my daughter too, you think I wasn't hurting?"
"You were too drunk and angry to be hurting."
"I haven't drank a drop since you left. Please don't shut me out again."
Maybe things could work this time.. Hannibal wasn't that hopeful. "I can't do this again, Will."
"Hannibal, please."
"No, no I can't."
"C-can I at least see my son?"
A part of Hannibal will never be able to forgive Will, even if he's not at fault.
But Silas deserves to know his daddy.
"Please, please, Hannibal." Will begs.
Hannibal shakes his head, trying not to outright sob. "I can't let you take him."
"I would never take him from you."
"You took Élodie from me." He murmurs.
"Every day I've wished that I had died and she lived. Your life would be so much better if it happened that way." There's anger in Will's tone, but even not looking at him he knows Will's eyes are filled with tears.
Hannibal turns towards him, "You think I wish you had died instead? Is that really what you think?"
"You left, what else would I think?"
"I left because I couldn't handle you drinking, I couldn't handle us fighting."
"I'm sorry, I don't know what else I can say to you."
Hannibal shakes his head, "I have to feed him now, please, just go."
"No, Hannibal, I can't."
Silas begins to cry, "Shh, it's alright, mažylis."
"Can I help you?"
"No. No, you can leave." He won't let it happen again.
He loves Will, he will always love him, but he can't do this again.
"Don't push me away."
Hannibal pushes his way past Will and into the kitchen to make Silas a bottle.
"I deserve to know my son."
"And I deserve to see my daughter grow up."
"Do I not deserve the same with my son?"
Hannibal shakes his head, "No, no you don't."
"I'm still your husband, and your alpha, I have rights."
Hannibal places the nipple against Silas' lips, he begins to suckle almost immediately.
"Are you threatening to take me to court over this? You /killed/ our daughter."
"I didn't kill her! Hannibal, it was an accident."
"You took her to that dog park, you were the one who didn't check her car seat straps again. You, Will, not me."
"Please, don't do this. I won't use my voice, I won't take this to court, but please, just let me hold him, just this once."
"And then you leave and you don't come back. You don't call, you don't write a goddamn letter. You leave me and my son alone."
"Will you break our bond?"
"Our bond doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that matters to me, is my son."
"Our bond will always matter, to me at least."
"Do you want to hold him or not? I'd like to get this over with so I can go back to pretending nothing bad ever happened."
Will nods and holds out his hands for Hannibal to hand their son to him.
He sets the bottle down, Silas whimpers, wanting his milk back.
Will takes Silas with ease, he's had the practice, he knows how to hold a baby. Silas whines, but seems to settle quickly when Will moves him closer to his scent gland.
Hannibal had hoped he wouldn't let Silas scent him, now when Will leaves he'll cry for his alpha father's scent for days until it fades.
"Will you tell me his name?"
"No."
"Hannibal, please."
"No. Now please, hurry. I need to finish feeding him."
"I can feed him."
"No, you can't." Before Hannibal can react Will snatches the bottle off the counter and brings it to Silas' mouth. "I won't hurt him."
Hannibal wishes he could believe that.
"Give me my son back!" Hannibal demands.
"He's my son too."
"I don't want to yell or hurt you, but you need to give him back to me and leave."
"I don't want to leave, Hannibal, I love you, I love our son, I want to know him."
"Whether or not I love you doesn't matter."
"I'm not leaving until he's done eating."
"Will, please don't make this harder, just go."
"Hannibal-"
"No, no, we don't need you, we don't want you." He lies through his teeth. They want and need him, their alpha.
"Hannibal, don't do this, it wasn't my fault."
"You broke our family and then decided that alcohol was more important than your hurting mate, no. You need to leave, Will."
"Fine, fine, I'll leave. You don't want me, you don't need me, you're doing fine on your own." Will burps Silas and hands him back to Hannibal. "If you ever change your mind-"
"I won't."
Hannibal tries not to think about Will after he leaves, but Silas looks so much like him that it's hard not too. Besides that his scent lingers for days, Hannibal contemplates moving, so that his scent will be gone, but so that he can't find him so easily again.
--
He doesn't move--a part of him longs for Will to come back and for things to be magically fixed.
Will doesn't come back, weeks go by, then months and suddenly it's been six months and Silas is about to turn one. He hasn't seen nor heard from Will since that morning.
--
On the morning of Silas birthday, Hannibal gets up early to get things ready for the party. A few of the other toddlers from Silas' daycare will be coming over with their mommies or daddies in the afternoon.
In the midst of decorating and cooking the mail arrives, Hannibal grabs it from the box and checks it over.
Bills, bills and more bills, but the one that catches his eye is a plain envelope, there is not a return address but Hannibal recognizes the handwriting almost immediately--Will.
Hannibal shoves the letter from Will into his dresser drawer, he'll deal with it later.
The birthday party goes well, until one of the little girls, Talia, gets upset and throws a temper tantrum and the party is ended early because all the children start screaming.
Hannibal gives Silas a bath and let's him play with some of his new toys while he cooks dinner.
One morning about a week after Silas' birthday Hannibal wakes up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain, his neck burns where his bonding bite is.
Will's finally decided to move on and break their bond.
Hannibal cries silently until Silas finally wakes for the day.
He smiles and tries to stay happy for his baby boy, but the feeling of their bond being broken is worse than any pain he's ever felt.
--
A week goes by, then another before Hannibal finally caves and tries to call Will's phone number.
"The number you're trying to reach is no longer in service."
His stomach fills with dread, but he tries not to dwell.
Will's moved on, that's all there is to it.
Until Hannibal sees an article on TattleCrime titled, 'Prolific Profiler Dead'
Hannibal clicks the link knowing what it's going to say, but hoping it's not true.
The article doesn't say how Will died, but it does say when, that morning when Hannibal was in so much pain, that's when it happened.
A part of him wants to search for answers, to know how Will died, but when he looks at Silas he knows that their son can never know the truth.
A runaway parent is better than a dead one.
So Hannibal doesn't look, he doesn't try to find answers.
And when Silas asks where his alpha daddy is, Hannibal lies through his teeth.
--
Years pass, quicker than Hannibal would like, and suddenly his baby boy is a teenager, he's just turned thirteen and looks so much like Will.
Hannibal's heart aches constantly, the memory of his daughter, his sweet little Élodie weighs on him every day.
Silas is a curious boy, always getting into something as his father always did.
It's a charming quality, honestly, until the day it's not.
Dear Hannibal, I'm sorry to do this to you, but I've waited long enough. After the accident, after Élodie died.. I shouldn't have turned to the bottle instead of you. I was your alpha, but I was a shitty one. You deserve so much better than me.
I hope you tell our son how much I love him, I hope he grows up to be smart and strong like you.
There are tear drop stains and smudged ink in some spots.
I never meant to hurt anyone, I never thought I would lose my whole family, hell I never thought I'd have one.
I waited for you to call, to change your mind, but I knew it wasn't going to happen. I know I fucked everything up, I hurt you and I'll never be able to tell you how sorry I am.
There's a blank section before the letter starts again.
Son, I never got to know you, or see you grow and that's all on me. Never blame yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. You're perfect, and you are so loved by me and your daddy.
There is another small blank space.
Dear Élodie, I know you'll never be able to read this, but I know soon I'll get to see you again. I love you baby girl, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. If I could go back and have your life be spared and mine taken I would do it in a heartbeat.
You deserve life, you deserved to live. I'm sorry.
Another blank space.
I love you, Hannibal. I never stopped. Take care of our boy. - Will Graham
There are more spots from tears, but they're not Will's, they're Silas'.
His daddy had lied to him, told him his alpha father left because he didn't want them anymore after his sister died.
--
Silas runs down the hall, Hannibal can feel the anger and hurt radiating off of him.
"WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME!?"
"Silas what-"
"YOU TOLD ME THAT HE LEFT!"
"Who?"
"My alpha father, y-you said he left, you lied to me."
"He did leave, Silas, why do you-" Hannibal stops abruptly, seeing the letter crumpled in Silas' hand.
The letter he never opened from Will, it was a suicide note. Hannibal knew without a doubt.
No, no, it can't be true. Will didn't kill himself.
"Silas, I don't know what you read but-"
"SHUT UP!" Silas growls, alpha voice coming through. "I HATE YOU!" He runs off back down the hall where he came from.
Hannibal can't hold back the sobs, he collapses to the floor.
He's just found out his mate killed himself, their son presented as alpha and used his voice against Hannibal.
His mate and his daughter are dead--he never wanted Will dead, never. He was mad, and hurt, but he never wanted him dead.
Losing Élodie was hard, but losing Will too.. it's too much.
And now Silas hates him.
Hannibal sobs and wishes he was the one that had died, it would've hurt less than this.