Work Text:
like most things in soobin’s life, this wasn’t supposed to happen.
he meets yeonjun on a rainy afternoon during his first week in his second year of college. he moved back to seoul only 3 weeks ago, lives in an apartment with his best friend and is supposed to meet with this guy from his class who told him it’d be nice to “make friends !”. except he’s been waiting outside the starbucks for half an hour now and the rain is starting to bleed through his coat and he’s cold . so screw kim sunwoo, if he actually ends up coming he’ll just have to meet him inside.
he goes in and the warmth of the place is almost as comforting as the music playing. it’s crowded inside but thankfully he spots a free table where he sits down after ordering a coffee. it has an empty cup on it from what he guesses is the customer who was here before him but he pays it no mind. he checks his phone for any messages from hueningkai or even sunwoo but he’s not surprised when he doesn’t see any coming from the latter. ‘asshole’ , he thinks. he barely has time to text his roommate back when he hears the chair in front of him moving. he looks up expecting to see sunwoo but all he sees is the prettiest yellow-haired boy he’s ever seen. it takes a second for his brain to register that the boy is talking to him.
“i didn’t know i had a date today ?” the other boy says with a smirk and soobin feels himself turn crimson . he opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. he probably looks as confused as he is because the boy giggles before he speaks again. “this is my spot” he points at his cup and soobin is on his feet before he can even finish his sentence.
“oh my god i am so sorry” he says urgently, bowing -and spilling a little bit of coffee on himself. “i assumed it was empty i’m so sorry that was extremely disrespectful of me, i am so sorry i will leave you alone.” he waits a few second expecting a scold but, again, all he hears is a giggle.
“why are you apologising ? it’s okay i don’t care you can sit here it’s not like there’s much more room.” he says so nicely soobin almost believes him.
“i don’t want to bother you, i’ll wait for my friend outside,” he says, internally cringing at the thought of standing in the rain any longer. maybe he’ll just go home before he catches a cold. he’s about to finally raise his head when a hand gently grabs his shoulder and pushes him back on his seat.
“don’t be silly it’s pouring outside. stay here. really, it’s okay.” soobin looks at him with big eyes and even bigger pout. “my name is choi yeonjun.”
‘that’s pretty.’
he hesitates for a few seconds but decides he has nothing to lose. he has a cute boy talking to him and who is he to refuse his attention ? “i’m soobin. choi soobin.”
they spend the afternoon talking and laughing so much, rumour has it they’re the reason the storm that was announced for that week never came.
ksunwoo
soobin-ah!!!!
i’m so sorry oh my god
someone stole my phone on the bus!!!
i had to chase after them :((
i got it back thanks to some guy on the street tho!!!
r u still @ the coffee?
soobin?
i’m rly sorry i hope u’r not mad, i did want to be ur friend :(
bunnybin
sunwoo oh my god i’m glad you’re okay !
don’t apologise though
it’s okay
i still made a friend !
a really good friend :)
--
he meets beomgyu exactly 18 days later. yeonjun invites him and hyuka to a party on campus, in another dorm, the one where yeonjun and his childhood best friend live. they’ve been talking non stop since that afternoon at the café and it turns out they both have a lot more in common than it would seem.
“you’ll see he’s great !” the older boy leads them to their floor. “i told him all about you two. he can’t wait to meet you.”
“hyung, how many people came ?”, hueningkai asks from behind soobin.
“hmm, not that many actually.”
and that might be the biggest lie yeonjun has told during those 18 days. that or they have very different standards for what “not that many people” means. he gets lost in the crowd almost immediately and even though he can still see yeonjun’s bright (well not so bright anymore) yellow hair in the crowd he notices it’s going in the opposite direction from him and he honestly can’t be bothered to push through them for the moment.
he quickly finds a couch in one corner of the main room and decides to sit there. he looks around in case he sees any familiar faces, needless to say he doesn’t so he almost jumps out of his skin when a small face suddenly appears right in front of his. he leans into the couch, away from the brown-haired boy.
“oh ? it is you !” he screams and okay , this boy is loud. cute, very cute but extremely loud. almost as loud as hueningkai and that’s saying something. “you’re choi soobin, right ? i’m beomgyu ! yeonjun-hyung’s friend !” and that actually makes sense, he remembers the older boy telling him about how loud insufferable his roommate was. he relaxes into the couch as beomgyu straightens up, a bright smile carving his face.
“it is me ! i lost hyung a few minutes ago but we can look for him if you want.”
“i’ll need a drink first.” beomgyu answers, reaching for soobin to follow him.
junnie
soobinnie ?
are you okay ?
gyu said he’d look for u but i can’t find him
oh i see u guys !!
r u playing a game lol
oh
bunnybin
hzy hyingghhgg
wherrr r y
gyuss soc wswweerttt
he hss prettylips
du u think hedwana kiszme
--
they start dating 3 weeks later. beomgyu takes him on 7 dates and kisses him on all of them. they work well together, the shorter boy always starting a mess and his boyfriend always willing to follow him, soobin’s calmer personality always balancing out beomgyu’s wilder one.
their couple isn’t the only thing that takes off after that party, they become somewhat of a friend group, soobin, hueningkai, yeonjun and beomgyu. then, one day hueningkai brings one of his classmates, taehyun, and he fits so perfectly in the group no one even questions his arrival.
being best friends with yeonjun and in a relationship with beomgyu, he always finds himself over at their apartment. beomgyu works every evening at a restaurant and has classes for most of the day so it’s really hard to catch him home but spending hours with yeonjun is just as nice. soobin is grateful everyday for the older boy, he still can’t believe he’s lucky enough to have him.
“could you have dated him ? like if you weren’t with beomgyu ?” sunwoo asks him one evening over at his and hueningkai’s apartment.
“what ?” he almost screams, taken aback by the sudden question. “what the hell sunwoo, of course not. he’s my best friend.”
“no need to be so dramatic, dude. you behave with him the same way you do with your boyfriend so really, it wouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone.” he says, taking a bite of his ramen.
“yeah but i like beomgyu.” he answers, pouting, hoping his cheeks aren’t too flushed. how could they think he’d ever date yeonjun ? it doesn’t make sense, right ?
“like ?” hueningkai asks, sitting on the floor, opposite from him. soobin raises an eyebrow at that. he knows he isn’t the best at showing his love to beomgyu but he also knows the shorter boy is aware of what he means to him. words were never his forte.
“yeah ? i mean he’s my boyfriend of course i like him.”
“you’ve been dating for 6 months and you still just like him ? surely you must be a little in love with him, right ?”
as usual when he’s surprised, soobin’s only response is to pout. he thinks about it and his friend does have a point. they’ve been together for most of the year, spend hours with each other and on the phone every day yet he’s never thought he was in love with beomgyu. sure he feels warm with the other boy, and he likes him, he really does. but the thought of losing him doesn’t shatter his heart like it should.
“well maybe i’m just slow alright, feelings don’t have a timer, they’re different for everyone.”
sunwoo and hyuka give each other a knowing look but smile at him, trying to be as reassuring as their friend needs them to be.
--
he brings it up with yeonjun, one night where the older boy walks him home. it’s almost spring but the air is still fresh outside. beomgyu is out for the week-end so they had a lazy night in their apartment. the older boy insisted on walking him home although they live two blocks away from each other.
“do you think it’s weird hyung ? i mean i didn’t even think about it until the boys brought it up. now i feel weird whenever i’m with beomgyu and i’m scared he’s gonna notice, like, he is as clueless as a child but you never know. i don’t know how i’m supposed to tell him i’m not in love with him and that’s why i’m freaking out. hyung what if he is in love with me and i’m not, god this is terrible.” he rants and he’s almost surprised that his friend doesn’t give him any answer. the older boy is usually vocal about his opinions and never hesitates to interrupt his nervous word-vomits. he turns to him and yeonjun’s pace has slowed down, he’s staring at the ground, pressing his lips into a thin line.
“i don’t think you should be discussing this with me, soobin-ah.”
“hyung, i know you’re beomgyu’s best friend but you’re mine too now ! you can’t pick sides, you know that.” the older boy suddenly stops walking and soobin looks at him with his signature pout. they’re right next to his building but the shorter boy usually drops him off right in front of his apartment door. he looks up at soobin with eyes he’s never seen on him.
“don’t you know soobin-ah ?” the pout on his face must give him away because yeonjun scoffs before he closes his eyes.
“know what, hyung ?”
“do you really not know ? i never thought i was good at hiding it, i mean taehyun is always telling me how obvious i look.” he sighs, with a smile and soobin is so confused. “you say beomgyu is as clueless as a child but you’re not any better.”
“hyunggg what are you talking about ?” he whines, not liking feeling like a fool. the older boy smiles one last time, biting his lower lip.
“i’m in love with you, soobinie.” he says it with a smile on his face, eyes bright and tone warm, like he’s happy about it.
and now this is a different kind of reality-check. he thinks about it and yeah, it does kind of make sense in a way but it also totally doesn’t. choi yeonjun ? is in love with him ? that can’t be true. soobin feels his stomach twist into a knot but he’s really not sure what he feels. he wants to smile so badly, it feels sweet and he can’t help or explain the giddiness he’s feeling. it should feel wrong, it should feel so wrong but it doesn’t.
“i’ve had a crush on you since that day you sat at my table. i honestly thought we had something going on until you were making out with beomgyu 20 minutes into knowing him.” and, looking back on it, he’s kind of right. soobin did have somewhat of a crush on him during the first weeks of talking to him. then he met beomgyu and he took care of him so well he just thought it went away. “i assumed it was all in my head but it didn’t help with anything. every time we’d hang out, just the two of us or with the boys, it was like.. i thought i couldn’t like you any more and then boom, i just did. and seeing you with beomgyu kind of stings but i can tell how happy he makes you. so, if you don’t think you’re in love with him yet, that’s okay, but please for my sake, don’t tell me about it because my lovesick brain will make up 100 scenarios about how this means you might be into me.”
soobin is quiet, still not knowing what he’s feeling, what he’s supposed to feel. his mind is a mess and he kind of wants to hug yeonjun but he also feels like now isn’t the time. the now blue-haired boy sighs and gives him a weak smile.
“we’ll talk about it another time alright ? i’m gonna head back. bye soobinnie !” he ruffles his hair like he usually does and leaves him standing there.
he stays there for a few minutes that feel like hours, trying to process what the hell just happened. he wants to reach for his phone but the person he’d call in this kind of situation is yeonjun and again, wrong timing. he thinks of calling beomgyu but that’s probably even worse. so before he can help it, his legs start walking. he feels like he has absolutely no power over his body but he’s also not trying to fight it. he’s not surprised when he looks up, a few minutes later only to be met with yeonjun and beomgyu’s apartment. he runs up the stairs even faster than the time beomgyu cut his finger with a kitchen knife or the time yeonjun told him a cat got into his room through his window. he knocks on their door out of breath and it opens a few seconds later to a surprised yeonjun. his eyes are a puffy and soobin’s heart breaks a little.
“can i, uh, can i sleep over ? i don’t feel like sleeping alone right now.” and it’s the worst excuse he could’ve come up with because they both know hyuka would’ve been happy to give him all the cuddles in the world. yeonjun just smiles at him, with a tenderness in his eyes that’s always there but that soobin now recognises as love.
“of course you can, soobinnie. come in.” and he does.
he sleeps in yeonjun’s bed instead of beomgyu’s, their limbs entangled like it was meant to be. they don’t exchange a word and fall asleep in silence, a lot going unsaid.
--
one would expect their relationship to take a drastic turn after yeonjun’s confession but in reality, the changes are so subtle they’re almost impossible to notice. they still spend most of their time together, soobin doesn’t break up with beomgyu, yeonjun continues to fall in love. on the surface, everything is the same (except for the way that now, when they’re alone they don’t sit on two different couches anymore but they hold each other as close as possible. now when they’re alone, instead of bickers and laughs, there’s mostly silence and hugs. they prefer to stay quiet, never wanting to talk or mention the shift in their relationship, too afraid of what it could break. now that they have this precious thing, they’re too scared to ruin it).
deep down though, soobin constantly feels like he’s going to implode whenever he’s around the older boy. he’s now painfully aware of his best friend’s feelings and can’t pretend that when yeonjun stares at him through the mirror when he helps him dye his roots back to blue it’s just to tease him , can’t pretend that when they’re cuddled up on the couch and yeonjun’s hand finds his hip it’s just a friendly caress. what’s worse is that soobin can’t find it in himself to care enough to put an end to all of it. he likes it so much, god he loves the way yeonjun makes him feel. (he only feels bad about it when he’s asleep in beomgyu’s arms and considers slipping out of his bed to go into the older’s room). and he doesn’t have anything to care for, he’s not doing anything wrong per se (and he knows he’s lying to himself with the way he jumps out of yeonjun’s hold every night when they hear keys unlock the front door).
it goes on for months and before they know it the end of the school year is coming up.
“beomgyu and i are going on a summer camp.” yeonjun announces one evening, his face laying on soobin’s chest.
“a summer camp ? are you guys 10 or something ?” he asks, jokingly. he’s going back to ansan for a month to see his parents. he hasn’t seen them since christmas and he misses them.
“brat.” he answers, pinching the skin in the taller boy’s neck. they giggle. “we’re going to be instructors. teach the kids how to play instruments, make music and shit.” he says looking at his hands still playing with soobin’s skin. his voice is soft and soobin’s heart warms because he knows music and kids are some of his favourite things and he can only imagine how excited he must be about it. “we’re going with a few other people from our class.”
“that sounds lovely, hyung.” he answers, honestly, with a bright smile on his face. the blue-haired boy looks up, fondness in his eyes.
“right ?”
--
yeonjun and beomgyu leave two days before soobin has to go back home. hyuka has been gone for a week already and taehyun is still working, so he has nothing to do. he packs and unpacks his suitcase 4 times, catches up on the episode of haikyuu he missed even though he knows he’s not supposed to watch them without hueningkai, but soon all he has left to do is think. and naturally his thoughts shift to yeonjun.
he knows he can’t go on like this for much longer, he can’t pretend the way he blooms whenever he’s with him is friendly, can’t pretend whenever he kisses beomgyu he’s so scared he might say yeonjun’s name instead of his, can’t pretend it’s not hard to have to physically hold himself back from kissing him whenever they’re hugging.
so he makes up his mind. when they come back from summer camp he’ll tell beomgyu the truth. it’s impossible to make any assumptions about how the other boy might react because, well, because is beomgyu. soobin tries not to think about it too much, prefers to focus on what will become of him and yeonjun, letting himself bathe in the happiness he feels at the thought of kissing the other boy, finally .
he feels silly because fr
om the moment he realised he had feelings for yeonjun, he noticed that they had been here from the moment he met the other boy. what he felt for beomgyu was more something akin to euphoria of having a cute boy liking him and wanting to go out with him and well, they do get along really well, but what he feels for the shorter boy is strictly platonic now that he compares it to what he feels for yeonjun.
it’s the first time in weeks he allows himself to think about all of this and all he wants to do is to reach for his phone and call the older boy but he knows he can’t. they’re staying somewhere where there’s no reception so he wields himself to stay strong and wait another four weeks. four little weeks.
--
he hears about it for the first time at the same starbucks where he met yeonjun. he got back home the same morning and he’s only seeing the rest of the group tonight, they organised a welcome back party over at beomgyu and yeonjun’s. his professor sent out a couple of articles he told them to go over before classes start again and soobin takes pride in how good of a student he is so of course, here he is, one week before they go back to school, starting his readings.
the coffee shop is quieter than usual, normally occupied by students from their uni. only a few people are here right now and he sits at a free table. next to him are a group of girls he recognises as classmates of his older friends and he has to resist the urge to go over them and ask them about everything yeonjun did for the past three weeks. they came back this morning and he’ll ask him tonight, like a normal person and friend would.
he takes a sip from his iced coffee and checks his phone one last time.
“no dude, i’m telling you they fucked. i heard them and yeonjun-ah definitely had hickeys, why would he wear a turtleneck in the middle of the summer ?” one of the girls next to him says and soobin’s blood goes cold.
“but beomgyu has a boyfriend doesn’t he ? and aren’t they best friends ? that’s so weird, i don’t think they fucked. beomgyu doesn’t seem like the type to cheat.”
he must be hearing wrong, he must be understanding wrong. there’s no way, there’s no way they’re saying what he thinks they’re saying. he takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, not daring to move, too afraid they might see him or recognise him. beomgyu’s boyfriend.
“yeonjun-ah told me they had sex dude, he came over to me the next morning and when i tell you i never saw someone look that guilty. he said he didn’t know what to do.”
he’s gonna throw up. he closes his computer and throws it in his bag before leaving without even taking his drink. he almost runs back home, grateful that their new flat is closer than the last one. hueningkai is out grocery shopping but will probably be back soon, judging from the “i’ll be back in10!!” message he sent him 5 minutes ago so he locks himself his room. he doesn’t know what to do with himself, standing in the middle of his carpet, struggling to breathe.
it can’t be true. there’s no way, he must have misunderstood. beomgyu wouldn’t cheat on him. yeonjun wouldn’t do this to him. and for fuck’s sake, they’re childhood best friends, there’s no way they had sex. he feels sick again and he runs to his bathroom even though he knows he’s not going to throw up. he sits on the cold floor and hears hueningkai come in the house at the same time his phone dings, indicating a text. he checks it and his world falls apart.
gyu <3
hey soobin-ah, i’m back in town. can we talk before the party please ? it’s important.
they talk over the phone, soobin not feeling like mustering up the strength to go over to his apartment, having to face him, having to face yeonjun. he grabs hueningkai from the kitchen, wordlessly. he doesn’t understand what’s happening but he can tell by the panicked look in soobin’s eyes that he shouldn’t ask. they’re sitting on the bed, next to each other when soobin’s phone rings. he doesn’t say much, beomgyu gets to the point quickly and as soon as yeonjun’s name is mentioned he bursts into tears, falling right into his best friend’s arms. he doesn’t register anything that’s said after that, can hardly make out the “i’m so sorry soobin-ah, i’m so sorry” his (ex ?) boyfriend throws at him over the sound of his cries and hueningkai’s attempts to kindly tell beomgyu to fuck off.
he wants to tell him he’s not mad at him. he wants so badly to find it in him to tell beomgyu that he has nothing to be sorry over because he slept with someone else but soobin fell in love with his childhood best friend. he tries not to think about yeonjun, about why it happened, why he let it happen. this hurts much more than he thought it would. he feels his heart break as he falls asleep in hyuka’s arms, exhausted from crying and hurting.
he wakes up the next day, head pounding from how poorly he slept. his clock reads 9am and he wants to fall back asleep, wants to spend the least time awake possible. he reaches for his phone, checking if anything important happened overnight. the first thing he notices is that after 20h of being back in seoul, yeonjun still hasn’t texted him or called him. he doesn’t have time to think about it because his phone is quite literally blown up with notifications from different social medias. he checks twitter and his eyes go wide at the +20 notifications and 18 dms. he checks them and they all go along the lines of “i’m sorry this happened to you” and “beomgyu didn’t deserve you !” and even some “i’m available tonight if you wanna forget about him ;)”.
he ignores them all, feeling even worse now that everybody knows. soobin isn’t a popular student. he’s nice to everyone and he’s tall so he never really goes unnoticed but he can hardly identify who half of the people who messaged him are.
it’s even worse because they all think he’s mad at beomgyu . they think he’s upset because his boyfriend of almost a year just had sex with his best friend and soobin should be heartbroken, is heartbroken but over the wrong guy. he’s angry, so angry at yeonjun. why is he not trying to talk to him ? explain what happened ? apologise ? where is he right now ? fucking another dude ? he can’t help but laugh humorlessly as tears form in his eyes again.
(he can’t help the thoughts that tell him that maybe yeonjun realised all this time he was in love with beomgyu, that they had some kind of iwaoi realisation that all this time it was love and he just happened to be on their way. he can’t help but think that they’re meant to be together and he was just a mistake along the way, a mistake that they’ll thank in a few years, with a warm smile and a tap on the shoulders, “without you, we probably never would’ve realised we were in love”. soobin wants so badly to escape his mind.)
he spends the next two days in bed, only leaving his room to go to the bathroom and occasionally to eat when hyuka bribes him with his favourite food. he’s so grateful for his best friend. sunwoo and taehyun come over on the third night and they all fall asleep in the living room while watching a movie. he feels loved. not the way he would want to, not by the person he wants to, but he feels loved and it helps so much. it helps forget that yeonjun still hasn’t texted him and soobin has accepted by now that he probably never will. he just has to move on.
--
sunwoo, taehyun and hyuka go out early the next morning, having to attend a meeting and his heart skips a beat when he hears a knock at the door. he can’t bring himself to care enough about how he looks, knowing that even if yeonjun is on the other side, he doesn’t have any reason to try and impress the older boy anymore. when he opens the door though, it’s brown curls that greet him. beomgyu looks tired and soobin has to fight the urge to hug him and tell him it’s okay.
“can i come in ?”
they sit on the couch after soobin makes them tea. they’re sitting across from each other and it’s so obvious from here just how little the other boy has slept. he guesses beomgyu can probably say the same about him.
“i wanna apologise again, first.” he’s about to cut him off but beomgyu beats him to it. “no, i do. i’ll say sorry as many times i want because what i did was wrong. sleeping with hyung.. i should’ve never done that. i’m sorry. i really am.”
he only nods sadly, not knowing what to say. his heart skips a beat at the mention of yeonjun and soobin is so glad he didn’t say his name.
“but i have to be honest with you, i think sleeping with him isn’t the worst thing i did to you.”
soobin looks up at him in worry, his head going crazy. were yeonjun and beomgyu having an affair ? what kind of fucked up love triangle had he gotten himself into ?
“these past few months i’ve been uh.. i don’t know how to put it..” beomgyu pouts and scratches his head and if it weren’t for the ridiculously stressful situation he’d be calling him cute.
“just say it, you’re making me nervous” he says, as nicely as he can, growing more nervous by the minute. beomgyu looks at him with sad eyes and sighs.
“i think i’m in love with taehyun.”
soobin’s heart drops, in the best way possible at the relief and it takes him a second to fully understand what the shorter boy just said and his eyes widen in surprise.
“i don’t know what to tell you soobin-ah it was like one day he was there and i couldn’t take my eyes off of him and from that moment on i’ve been just-” he takes a deep breath, trying to make himself smile less, look less like a lovesick fool “falling.”
soobin busts out laughing. this is probably the most ridiculous situation he’s ever been in. and this is also probably the best way things could’ve unfolded with beomgyu. he knows taehyun has had a crush on the other boy for months now, even though he tries so hard to hide it in front of soobin, he can’t hide his red ears every time the other boy is just mentioned or how he stutters at every single one of beomgyu’s praises. said boy looks at him confused, almost scared.
“oh my god, beomgyu that’s great !” he says it and he means it.
they both smile and it feels nice because they know that they loved each other but not in the way they thought they did and knowing that they’re not breaking anyone’s heart or ruining any friendship is exactly the relief they needed right now. they talk about taehyun for a while and soobin almost forgets how shitty he feels, how even beomgyu has made an effort to talk to him but yeonjun is still mia.
“is- uh, is yeonjun-hyung okay ? i haven’t heard from him since you guys got back.” beomgyu winces, putting his cup of tea down.
“he’s been having a hard time. he’s uh, well i mean i guess you know that but, he’s in love with you and he knows he hurt you and wait, did you cry because i cheated on you or because it was yeonjun ? are you in love with yeonjun ?” he asks like he just had an epiphany and soobin is so glad beomgyu is beomgyu. it hurts so much less to talk to him about this than it would’ve with anyone else.
“i’m sorry gyu but i did cry because it was hyung and uh, yeah, i guess you could say i’m in love with him.” he looks down at his hands and it’s the first time he says it out loud and it doesn’t relieves him in the way he thought it would. he hates yeonjun a little bit more for ruining this for him.
“you should talk to him then.” soobin snorts.
“ i should talk to him ? fuck that shit, he’s the one who fucked up, the least he could do is grow some balls and talk to me.”
“he- how should i say this.” beomgyu sighs. “you’re right and i’ve been on his case from the moment we’ve gotten here. but he’s been a mess. you’ve never seen yeonjun when he gets sad it’s like, the worst thing in the world. you know how yeonjun is the best at everything ? well he’s even the best at being sad. he’s been having a really hard time coping with the fact that he hurt you.”
“cry me a fucking river, beomgyu. he’s the one who messed up. i’m not gonna go to him.”
“listen i know you have no reason to but-” he’s cut mid-sentence by the front door opening.
“hyung ! hyuka and i brought chicken, sunwoo says he’s sorry he had to head back to his dorm, chanhee missed him. but we- oh.” taehyun barges into the living room not expecting to see 1) soobin out of bed, 2) beomgyu.
soobin gives his ex-boyfriend a knowing look and gets up.
“i’ll let you two talk.” he says with a smile, grabbing the chicken bags from taehyun’s hands.
“is hyung here ?” hueningkai asks from the kitchen, looking worried. soobin only nods with a smile.
“i have something to tell you hyuka.” the younger boy tilts his head like a puppy.
“i’m in love with yeonjun-hyung.” and because his best friend is a dramatic leo, he drops the fries he was holding on the ground. soobin whines as he bends down to pick up and save as many as he can.
“you’re what ?”
it hurts less the third time he says it. maybe it’s because he can hear beomgyu and taehyun laughing together and it soothes him or maybe because he’s more upset over his fries going to waste but when he says it he almost finds himself smiling.
“let me explain, alright ?”
--
another three days go by and soobin is doing better. having beomgyu around helps a lot, he missed the other boy more than he thought. it almost feels normal when they have movie night all 4 of them. school is starting the next day and he still hasn’t spoken to yeonjun. it’s starting to hurt less and soobin thinks maybe this is what falling out of love is. they’re choosing what movie they’re going to watch, beomgyu and hueningkai bickering over which twilight is the best when they hear a knock at the door.
“i’ll get it !” soobin exclaims almost immediately, wanting to run from the debate as soon as possible. he grabs his wallet, expecting to see the pizza man he talked to over the phone 30 minutes ago. his breath stops when he opens the door on yeonjun. he has flowers in his hands and he looks the most worried soobin has ever seen him. they stare at each other for a moment, in silence. yeonjun looks beautiful, as he always does, but he looks sad. soobin hates to see him like that, he wants to hug him but he also wants to close the door on his face. fuck falling out of love, soobin thinks he might be even more in love.
“hyung ? are the pizzas here ?” he hears taehyun coming closer. his first reflex is to grab yeonjun by the arm and drag him to his room, he ignores the older’s squeal and his friends’ calls from the living room. he shuts the door behind him, unable to think of anything to do or say.
he lets go of his hold on the older boy’s arms, stumbling until he reaches his bed, holding his plushie to his chest in an attempt to ground himself. yeonjun just stands in the middle of the room, looking confused. he looks down to the flowers, looks up to soobin and when he’s about to open his mouth, the younger boy motions to his desk. silence falls onto the room again once he puts the flowers down.
in all honesty, soobin feels like either throwing up or bursting into tears again. he feels like he hasn’t eaten enough for the former and has cried too much in the past week for the former. it’s hard to even look at yeonjun in the eyes and he has no idea what to expect from this exchange.
“how, uh, how have you been ?”
he can’t help but laugh at the other’s question. it’s ridiculous because they both know they’ve been doing terribly.
“why did you come over, hyung ?” he doesn’t have the energy for this. he could be eating pizza with his friends right now, hell he could be cuddling with the older boy had none of this happened.
“i, uh, i wanted to come see you. talk to you.” soobin isn’t looking at him but he knows he’s fidgeting, probably pouting.
“it’s a little late for that now hyung, don’t you think ?” he tries -he really does- not to sound too angry or bitchy but his inner beomgyu reminds him he has every right to feel that way.
“i’m sorry i didn’t come sooner soobin-ah, i really am.”
“why ?” he looks up at him now. the older boy looks distressed and soobin hates everything, hates how he wants to hold him so bad but also wants to throw him out the window.
“i didn’t know what to tell you i-i mean, you never told me how you felt.”
“cause you never texted me or called me or even talked to me !”
“i don’t mean this soobin.” and his voice is so serious it actually shuts him up. “you never told me if you loved me or even liked me, you just hugged me back and jumped out of my arms every time beomgyu came home. hell, for all i know you could’ve hated me for sleeping with your boyfriend.” soobin snorts, ignoring the hurt in his chest.
“so this is my fault now ?” they’re almost screaming now. he hates it, he hates it so much .
“no, fuck, no, that’s not what i said. it was my fault but i just- i wasn’t sure what to tell you. that’s why i didn’t come before. i’m not trying to find excuses, i’m just trying to be honest.”
“by blaming me ? smart fucking move.”
“i’m not blaming you ! fuck soobin you never told me anything.” and his voice doesn’t sound angry, it sounds hurt. “you never told me how you felt about me, i had my heart on my sleeves while you were fucking beomgyu in the room next to mine !
i’m in love with you and i had to figure out whether you liked me or not while you were cuddled up with your boyfriend on my couch ! so no, it wasn’t your fault that i fucked him but i think you can understand why i was a little confused as to how to approach the situation with you.”
they stay in silence for a few seconds again, this time it’s soobin’s turn to pout. yeonjun has a point and now he feels bad for reacting the way he did. it still doesn’t excuse anything but yeonjun didn’t owe him anything, still doesn’t. they never talked about what they had.
“beomgyu is seeing taehyun now. and i’m very happy for them.” he says, looking at his hands, unable to face yeonjun.
“yeah, that’s why i came. i assumed you probably didn’t love beomgyu if you helped them get together. but it still isn’t you, you-” he sighs. “do you like me or do you just like having someone like you ?” and soobin is pretty sure his heart stops beating. he finally looks up and the older boy’s eyes are filled with tears and he can’t help himself anymore. he gets up and gets closer to the blue-haired boy.
“hyung.” they look at each other and this is the closest they’ve been for weeks, soobin almost forgot how it felt. “of course i’m in love with you.” yeonjun’s entire body visibly relaxes. “and i was really hurt when i found out what happened. even more so when you didn’t come see me when you got back.”
“i’m sorry. about everything. i really am.”
“but you’re right.” he takes one step closer, they’re only a few centimeters apart now. “it’s partly my fault-”
“no, no soobinnie, it’s not, i don’t want you to think-”
“hyung, it’s okay. i get it, i do. you.. did what you did for your reasons but none of this would've happened if i had done things right. i should’ve told you, i should’ve broken up with beomgyu but i didn’t and i’m sorry because i can only imagine how hard it must’ve been for you.”
yeonjun actually looks calmer, like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. it’s been lifted from soobin’s at least. he still doesn’t know how he feels but he can tell they’ll be okay. maybe not today or tomorrow but soon. he walks back to his bed, not because he’s scared anymore but just because he’s too lazy to stand. “why did you guys sleep together anyway ? are you sure you’re not in love with him, hyung ?” he says in a playful tone, not wanting to drag out the serious atmosphere any longer. yeonjun snorts at that.
“we had a party with the other instructors, like, two days before we got back. we wanted to celebrate and since literally everyone was from our class we played some games and we got paired during 7 seconds in heaven and it just.. happened, i don’t know we were wasted. but it’s not like it was the first time anyways.” and soobin squeals at that.
“what do you mean it wasn’t the first time ?” yeonjun laughs at how silly he looks.
“who do you think was my gay awakening ?” he sits on soobin’s bed, across from him.
“no fucking way.”
“we dated for a year and a half in high school.” and yeonjun really finds soobin’s reactions hilarious. “it wasn’t a real relationship though, more of a ‘you’re the only gay guy i know and my hormones are all over the place’ type of thing. i had a massive crush on him though and when he came out i was like, fuck it, i don’t have anything to lose.”
soobin stares at him with his mouth wide open and yeonjun busts into laughter, soobin’s chest blooms again and again. he can’t help how warm he feels. he doesn’t think he’s mad anymore.
“i thought beomgyu had told you.”
“he certainly did not.”
“well, now you know.”
yeonjun lays back on the bed and, almost like muscle memory, soobin lays next to him. they’re so close their thighs and arms are pressed against each other and he hasn’t felt this good in so long.
“so what do we do now ?” yeonjun asks after a while. soobin sighs and gets up, going for the flowers and smelling them.
“they’re pretty.” he can’t help the smile that breaks his face.
“i know.” but yeonjun isn’t looking at them.
“take me on a date, hyung ?”
--
“back in 9th grade huh ?” beomgyu stutters, closing the door behind him.
“dude, 16 years old me would be freaking out right now.” they’re both giggling and struggling to stand.
“are you kidding me ? 16 years old you didn’t even go out to parties.”
“that’s not true !” he punches beomgyu’s arms.
“yeah it is ! i had to drag you to all of my grade’s parties ‘cause you didn’t want to go to yours !”
“yeah ‘cause i had a crush on you and wanted an excuse to make out with you.” yeonjun snorts.
“well, now you can.” beomgyu says coming closer to yeonjun who instinctively takes a step back. he gives the younger boy a confused look.
“what about soobin ?” he asks, worried. in his drunken state, he can’t tell if he’s asking beomgyu or himself. the short boy frowns and sighs at that. he doesn’t say anything for a few seconds that feel like forever. he’s not sure how much time they have left.
“you love him, don’t you ?” and it’s yeonjun’s turn to frown in surprise.
“what ?” he answers because he doesn’t know what else to say.
“i know you by heart yeonjun-hyung, i’ve seen you get crushes dozens of times. hell, i’ve even seen you have a crush on me. i can tell you like him.”
he remains silent for a few seconds, he’s too drunk to have this talk right now.
“i don’t think this game is about chatting.” he whispers and, before he can stop himself, his lips crash on beomgyu’s. he’s going to regret this but he doesn’t care for now. he’ll figure it out tomorrow.
--
the air is tense around them, the silence suffocating. they feel naked under hueningkai’s intense gaze.
“so let me get this straight” he says, after minutes that felt like hours. “you two are dating.” he points to soobin and yeonjun who nod, silently. “and you two are dating” he points to beomgyu and taehyun this time, who hum back a yes. “but originally, you two were dating” he’s talking to beomgyu and soobin.
“well technically, beomgyu and i were originally dating”, yeonjun answers, beomgyu and soobin nodding.
“alright so, originally you two were dating” he points to yeonjun and beomgyu who nod, agreeing. “and then you two” he looks at soobin and beomgyu, again.
“yep” beomgyu answers.
“and now you’re dating taehyunnie ?”
“exactly”, he answers, holding his boyfriend’s hand. said boyfriend whose ears turn red.
“and you’re fine with it because you and yeonjun were having a weird cuddly affair when you were still dating beomgyu” he looks at soobin.
“it wasn’t really an affair” he defends himself with a pout. “plus taehyun and beomgyu were basically doing the same thing so.”
“except we never had sex” taehyun answers.
“neither did we”
“yeah but we never kissed.”
“neither did we !”
“alright, alright” hueningkai interrupts. “so you’re all dating each other” and they all nod happily at that.
“and you still don’t have a boyfriend hyuka.” soobin starts and as soon as his younger friend opens his mouth to answer he interrupts him “i mean girlfriend.”
they all start laughing except for the tall boy who just pouts in silence, turning redder by the second.
“it’s okay hyuka, you’re our token straight !” yeonjun tells him reassuringly, going for a hug.
“fuck off, hyung !”