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Dear Kuroo Tetsurou,
You are my favorite memory. Every single moment we ever spent together has given me so much happiness and I will treasure them for the rest of my life.
For a long time, I was content with being your best friend. There was never a dull moment with you and conversations were never boring. You filled my life with so much joy and laughter and that hasn’t changed, even now.
You always were such a sweetheart. You comforted me after breakups, brought me chocolate on my period, and took care of me when I was sick. You were so perfect and I knew that whoever was going to marry you would be the luckiest girl in the world.
It’s a shame that it wasn’t me.
I don’t really know when my feelings for you changed. I just know one day my heart started beating faster and my face would heat up when you were near. I started to get nervous during our little ice cream trips and summer night drives, hoping I wouldn’t do anything dumb. I started to put in more effort into how I looked, wondering which style would suit your tastes better. My heart felt like it was going to burst through my chest every time you called me cute. I tried to go to every volleyball game, in hopes that you would look for me in the crowds and of course you always did, sending me that stupid smirk you always have on your face.
I refused to tell you how I felt. How could I? Our friendship was so, so precious to me. I couldn’t bear the thought of ever doing anything to jeopardize what we had. Being by your side, even as a friend, was better than not being there at all.
Of course, I wasn’t the only one who noticed how perfect you were. Even though it absolutely broke my heart, I stuck by your side through every girlfriend, from high school to college. I was there to comfort you and take you out to ice cream like we always did when we were upset (bummer that the place closed down).
It never really crossed my mind that our friendship would ever change and I just assumed you thought the same. I thought it was always going to be you, me, and Kenma.
Halfway through college, you started to distance yourself from me. It was very gradual. I hardly even noticed until you stopped the good morning and good night texts and you started to reject my offers for ice cream.
You were dating Alisa Haiba then. I figured it would only be fair for me to give you space. No girlfriend would appreciate her own boyfriend being so affectionate towards a girl who wasn’t her or family, so I respected your wishes and stayed away from you.
I forced myself to stop texting you first and to stop asking you to go out unless you initiated. You probably didn’t even notice. You were so, so happy with her. I would never forgive myself if I came between you and her. Your happiness always came before mine and I suffered for it.
Despite the distance I put between us, my heart grew ever fonder of you. You still made the effort to contact me and even though it was seldom, you were still just as sweet as you were back then. You made sure to text me to eat every once in a while. Sometimes I would find chocolate by my door when my period was about to start. I knew I was still on your mind and I still had a place in your life. It made me so happy but it hurt my heart even more.
I spent so many nights crying, trying to nurse my broken heart. I would ask myself
“Why couldn’t it be me?” and “What does she have that I don’t?”
I was tearing myself apart, wondering about the what-ifs and picking at myself until I was nothing but a shell of who I once was. You were such a huge part of my happiness and you left me with barely anything left.
Kenma called me stupid, saying that my feelings for you would only get worse the more I hid them from you. He was right, like he usually is when it came to things like that. But I couldn’t be selfish. You were so content and happy with Alisa. I was there to support you no matter what, even if it killed me. Even though every time I saw you with her took a little bit of life out of me. Even though getting the wedding invitation in the mail shattered my heart to dust.
Your wedding was beautiful. You looked so handsome. Happiness always did look its best on you. I’m so glad you found the one for you. Seeing you so happy gave me some comfort, knowing that I didn’t ruin our friendship with my selfishness and that I was given the opportunity to see you be so happy even if it wasn’t with me.
Now you’re getting a little one. I remember the phone call where you gave me the amazing news. I couldn’t even find it within myself to be devastated. You were so excited. Another person for you to cherish and I was so, so happy to see you become a father. I know you’ll be great. You never did know how to be anything less than perfect.
I will say this once and once only.
I love you. You were everything to me and I will always hold you close to my heart. But you’re a husband and a father now. It’s time for me to move on, like I should have so many years ago. It’s time for me to find my happiness. I hope you will wish me well, just as I did you. Thank you for never forgetting about me and for giving me so many memories.
I’m so happy for you and I’m so, so proud of you. Goodbye, Kuroo.
Sincerely,
Y/N L/N