Chapter Text
The feeling of the cold window against her flushed skin was heaven to Josie. Even now, as her world was spinning out of control, she found joy in the simplest of things. The night sky lit up by the silent town’s lights. The near-empty bus, with only two passengers on board; Josie and this petite old lady wearing a red sun hat with a golden rim around the edge. In Josie's opinion, it was quite tacky, but she couldn’t judge. Prancing around town in black ensemble was a definite contrast to her usually bright coloured wardrobe.
As soon as Josie was back to normal, she had given all of “dark Josie’s” clothes to the goth witches. They’d have better use for them than she would. Josie was on a cleanse and the last thing she needed was a reminder of what she'd done whenever she had to get dressed in the morning.
Images of her forcing her twin to merge and Hope floating in the air above a spike flashed before her eyes. Despite her sister forgiving her, she had still done terrible things. Black magic or not, it was still her who had done it. The student body was right to be mad at her. Lizzie assured her they weren’t, but it was obvious. Especially at the school assembly. Alyssa Chang was right; Josie had killed her. What gives her the right to walk about the school? If it were anyone else, Josie’s pretty sure her dad would have them locked up in a cellar. But, he couldn’t do that to his daughter, even if she wouldn’t have blamed him. Lizzie would. Probably. Maybe.
Honestly, Josie wasn’t sure of anything right now. All she wanted to do was crawl into her bed and stay there, but with Lizzie around, that was out of the question.
Her sister had made it her mission to get everyone to forgive her. So, two days after Hope had jumped into her subconscious and had rescued Josie, Lizzie dragged her out of bed and into the real world.
Lizzie was doing most of the talking whilst Josie tried to make herself the smallest person in the room. However, that plan backfired since the conversations revolved around her.
To say not many came around was an understatement.
On their way back to their room, Lizzie held her sister in a side hug, voicing her thoughts all whilst glaring at anyone who would look in Josie’s direction with disdain. That surely wasn’t going to help her case in any way, Josie thought, but didn’t say anything. She had barely spoken in the last two days. What would she say? What could she say? Apologies can only go halfway, and even then, Josie wouldn't expect people to forgive her. She couldn't even forgive herself.
As soon as the door shut behind her, Lizzie twirled around and marched towards Josie’s bed, yanking the sheets the brunette twin had managed to bury herself under in the span of thirty seconds.
“It’s not even three o’clock, you’ll miss the early bird special.” Lizzie quipped, one hand holding the covers whilst the other was propped on her hip.
“I’m not in the mood Lizzie.” Josie said, monotonously, her voice muffled by the cushion she was face planted in.
If it weren't for the chill creeping up her body from the lack of warmth her covers had provided her, Josie would have gladly let the cushion suffocate her for a little longer. Instead, she turned around and glared at her sister but immediately felt guilty for it and looked down.
Josie was scared anything she would do would remind her twin of the darker part of her. The one who tried to merge with her years before they had to officially do it. How could Lizzie so easily forgive her? She basically murdered her twin, but Lizzie merely shrugged it off as if it were nothing.
That single thought frustrated Josie.
She would have preferred for her sister to yell at her, ignore her or something. She'd feel like shit, but she felt like it would be well deserved.
Josie honestly couldn't understand what was going on in her twin's mind. Did she truly forgive her? Or was she too afraid to tell her truth in case she'd have some sort of relapse?
Lizzie let the covers drop to the foot of the bed, covering Josie's feet in the process before proceeding to sit down. The mattress dipped slightly from the added weight. Josie sat up slightly, her back leaning against the headboard.
The blond twin reached out for her twin's hand and held onto it tightly between them. "Josie." She started with a heavy sigh. "Look, I know things are difficult right now and you're not the most popular-"
"They hate me Lizzie." Josie said deadpanned, staring into the abyss. "And they're right to. I shouldn't be here. Not like this at least. I should be locked up somewhere, where I can't hurt anyone again. I don't deserve this… this special treatment. Being the headmaster's daughter shouldn't exonerate me of all the horrible things I've done." Her voice had gotten more passionate by the second, truly believing what she was saying.
Lizzie squeezed Josie's hand in an attempt to reassure her. Knowing full well her twin needed to vent, and since the therapist position was currently vacant, Lizzie would have to do.
"I killed someone, Lizzie. I actually killed someone. I should be locked up for that alone. It doesn't matter if she's back now or not, it doesn't change the fact that I killed Alyssa Chang. God, I'm a monster!"
Full blown tears were streaming down Josie's face now. Her whole body shaking from her pent-up emotions. Lizzie swiftly pulled her sister closer to her and engulfed her in a bear hug; Josie clutching onto her sister for dear life.
Moments later however, Josie pushed her sister back abruptly, scurrying away from her. Practically falling off of the bed.
"No." She said wide eyed. "I don't deserve your empathy, Lizzie. I don't deserve any of this."
"Josie -" Lizzie started with an exasperated sigh, but Josie motioned for her to stop.
"Please, just go." She said through her sniffles, wiping her nose with her sleeve.
Lizzie hesitated, glancing between her twin and the door. With a final plea from Josie, Lizzie reluctantly stood up from her space on the bed and started walking to the door. Once her hand was on the door handle, she turned towards her sister.
“I love you, you know.” Lizzie said emotionally.
“I do.” Josie sniffled, wiping her nose again.
Suddenly the familiar sounds of the bus's breaks could be heard, pulling Josie out of her reverie. Sighing, she grabbed her backpack from the seat next to her and slung it across her shoulder. Standing up, she nearly tripped over the forgotten duffel bag at her feet. Picking it up, she walked past the near empty seats up to the electric doors. Biding goodnight to the bus driver, she got off.
The moment her foot hit the pavement, Josie took in a deep breath, hoping it would alleviate some of the tension in her chest. No such luck. With a melancholic sigh, she started walking towards a town map plastered on a nearby wall. After a few minutes of searching under the dying light, she spotted a motel. Skimming the street names around her, she found the name of the street that would point her in the right direction and then started walking.
It must have taken her half an hour to walk to the motel. When she finally found herself in the lobby, she was relieved. No one tried to maul her on her way here. She wouldn't know what to do if she were to find herself in that sort of situation. Run maybe? Kick them in the crotch? She kind of regretted not having brought any pepper spray with her. With her lack of knowledge on self-defence, pepper spray would have been useful. The fleeting thought of the coin where she had stored her magic came to the forefront of her mind. She shook her head.
No.
She had left it back in Mystic Falls for a reason. She couldn't trust herself with her magic. She was better off without it, for now at least. Maybe she would take it back one day. Maybe. Right now that seemed highly doubtful. Besides, Josie left Mystic Falls for a reason. Magic would defeat the purpose of that.
"Excuse me, miss?" A scratchy voice called. "Are you here for a room?"
Clearing her own throat, Josie moved further inside the lobby, shimmying the backpack further up her shoulder. "Yes." She replied.
The woman in front of her must have been in her late fifties if the wrinkles around her eyes were any indication to go by. After giving a fake name (Francis Delreaux) and cash for the room, the kind woman handed Josie the key to her room and bid her good night.
It wasn't that bad. There was a fairly decent double bed, a TV and a bathroom. The first thing Josie did after dropping her bags on the bed, was rush under the shower. The water was borderline boiling, steaming up the entire bathroom. She didn't bother trying to readjust the temperature, the sting was a welcome distraction.
She stayed under the water for what seemed like an hour but was truly a few minutes. Only when the water was slowly getting colder did Josie hop out. She wanted to stay longer, but motels are stingy when it comes to hot water apparently.
Without dwelling on it too much, Josie walked back inside her room and rummaged through the duffel bag. Her wet hair was dripping onto the floor, some droplets even landing on the duvet cover, but she didn't pay any attention to it - far too busy looking for her pyjamas. When she did finally find them, she hurriedly dried off and put them on. Crawling under the duvet, Josie laid on her back, fiddling with her hands; a new nervous habit of hers.
Josie shimmied herself further down the bed, wrapping every inch of her body with the duvet. As if cocooning herself would protect her from the outside world, from all her mistakes and regrets, yet her mind would not stop spiralling.
Ever since she’d defeated her darker self, Josie hadn’t had one minute of peace. Her guilt was gnawing at her from her insides. She didn’t know what to do to get everyone to forgive her. She didn’t even know if that were possible. She threatened all three factions. If it weren’t for Hope barging in at the right moment, what would her darker self had done? Wasn’t one murder enough? Apparently not since she nearly killed Hope and successfully killed her twin. What boggled Josie even more was the two girls' reactions since she had gotten back. Lizzie was more attentive, encouraging, dare her say it: motherly. Whilst Hope was out right avoiding her. She hadn’t even seen a glimpse of auburn-hair in the hallways for the past few days.
Maybe she was mad at her? Maybe she couldn’t forgive Josie for turning her into stone? Maybe she didn’t know what to say after Josie told her to kiss her maybe? Maybe she flat out didn’t want to see her?
Whatever it was it didn’t matter now. Josie was fairly certain she would not be going back to Mystic Falls anytime soon.
For the remainder of the night, the young brunette tossed and turned, clenching her eyes shut trying to block out the memories and thoughts that had been keeping her up. But her efforts were in vain. No matter how hard she tried, memories would leak into the forefront of her mind like a broken faucet. Some were clearer than others. Some were from her time as dark Josie, others when she was in her subconscious. Despite vividly remembering some of the things she had done, most of it was a blur. Half of the time, Josie would wonder if she hadn't imagined some of it. I mean, who would believe her if she said she had seen Hope Mikaelson wearing a red riding hood costume?
Shaking her head, Josie turned to her side. She reached out and pulled the extra cushion towards her, clutching on to it for dear life. Throwing a leg on top of it, she snuggled further into the soft cushion. Taking a deep breath, Josie let her growing tiredness sink into her bones as she tried to ignore her racing thoughts. But one remained as her eyelids grew heavier and her breathing evened out:
Did she do the right thing?