Work Text:
Taichi had just spent the last ten minutes trying to come up with a way to invite Kouhei out for lunch. An apparently trivial task, which was made nearly impossible by him replaying their meeting that afternoon over and over in his head.
Even then, I still wanted to be with you.
I love you.
He half screamed in his pillow in frustration.
How did I do that?
He would be lying if he said it did not feel good to put a name to his feelings. He had been living in a sort of blissful daze all evening – he was so out of it he had almost collapsed in the hot bath. Unfortunately, the embarrassment had finally caught up to him.
I shouldn't be thinking so much about this. I’m no good at thinking. We used to have lunch together all the time! Nothing’s changed, right?
Except everything had. How could it not, after seeing about Kouhei smile in his arms in disbelief as Taichi told him he loved him again and again? Things were different, and Taichi couldn’t help but worry about what that meant – but at the same time, he felt so embarrassed about what he had done he could hardly form any coherent thought, and he was at a loss at what to do next. And so, he was still very much in front of an empty phone screen.
This is getting nowhere. Maybe I should just wait for tomorrow.
That would have been worse, though. He had spent the last six months “waiting for tomorrow”. Every time he was about to ask Kouhei to hang out, he would start telling himself that he was not ready to tell Kouhei why he had left university yet, that they could just hang out another day, that Kouhei must have been busy anyway. Most of all, he would reminisce about them saying goodbye in the park, Kouhei signing him something he pretended not to understand – and he now did. He was afraid of following the same pattern: if he did not contact Kouhei today, who knows if there would be another six months before they met again.
No, it was decided. He would write to him tonight. After all, it did not have to be anything special. Not like it was a dat–
“NOPE, not thinking about that!”
Hey Kouhei wanna have lunch together this saturday??
For all the torment Taichi had gone through, Kouhei’s reply was almost immediate.
Of course, Taichi. I really want to see you.
Taichi had to hide his face in his pillow again. How was that fair?
**
Taichi had been on the edge for days wondering if their definitely-not-date would be awkward. But he had missed hanging out with Kouhei more than he thought, and before he knew it they were carelessly chatting away as their usual over a hamburger; Taichi animatedly explaining Kouhei all about his work, Kouhei talking about the sign language club, Taichi setting up a sign language competition – okay, I say a word, and you have to sign it, then we swap and who gets the most words right wins! –, Taichi getting ketchup on his nose, Kouhei urging him to wear his gloves. Taichi was ecstatic. It seemed like neither of them could stop smiling, which Taichi thought looked fantastic on Kouhei. Especially since Taichi himself was the cause.
"Hey Kouhei, about not contacting me because you thought I was busy with work? You really don’t have to. You can write to me.” Actually, please do. “I mean, maybe sometimes I’ll forget to answer, or forget about my phone for two days, but it’s not like I have no free time at all.”
Kouhei sighed. "Well, that was mostly an excuse."
"For what?"
“I told you, right? I thought if I avoided you for a while, I would be able to distance myself from you a bit. Maybe forget about... All this..."
Taichi was absolutely outraged at that. "Hey! What do you mean forget? You weren’t planning to just disappear, were you? I’m sorry I didn’t write to you first, but I didn’t forget about you. I was just-"
"No, sorry, that's not what I mean. I don't mean forget you." Kouhei leaned into him, whispering, "More like, stop wanting to kiss you."
Taichi choked on his drink and instantly turned red. Well, there was the awkward. Kouhei chuckled, "Sorry about that."
"Uhh, no, I mean... I get it." Oh shit Taichi say something- "Well it's a good thing you didn't forget then, huh?" Ok maybe not that.
Kouhei got very quiet, staring at him with wide eyes. Then he smiled. "I don't know, is it?"
Taichi blushed even harder and stomped away. "Ahhh I don’t know! Forget I said that!!"
But it was too late. Kouhei was laughing, easily keeping up with him. "No, Taichi, wait, tell me, does this mean I can kiss you now?"
"WHA-! Of course not! We're in a park!"
"So, if we weren't in a park?"
"I- uh- I don't even get what's so kissable about me!"
"If we weren't in a park maybe I could show you."
Taichi lost all energy to run and defensively crouched to the ground, almost curled into a ball. "How do you just say that! Aren't you even a little embarrassed? I'm dying here! Are all handsome guys like this? That’s not fair!"
"Sorry, sorry Taichi, I'm just messing with you" Kouhei wiped a small tear from his eye. "I'm so happy to see you, it got to my head a little." He took Taichi's hand and pointed to a nearby bench with his free one. "Why don't we sit there for a moment? I promise I’ll stay put."
Taichi cautiously looked up. “Okay.” He kept throwing suspicious glances at Kouhei until they were safely sitting down.
Kouhei had not let go of his hand. “You know, I was really nervous before coming here. But after seeing you, it all disappeared. I really, really missed you, Taichi. Sorry.”
Taichi grabbed Kouhei’s cheeks with both hands. “Stop! You’re still doing that! I also, um” he realized he had gotten a little too close for comfort and lost some momentum, abashedly staring at the ground. “I also wanted to talk to you. So, you don’t have to be sorry, got it?”
Kouhei melted, and again put his hand over Taichi’s. “I guess it is going to take a while to get rid of this bad habit I have... Okay. Then, thanks for being here, Taichi.”
Taichi gave Kouhei his most contagious smile.
“I was nervous, too. But now I feel better!”
They were silent for a while. Taichi was absentmindedly staring at the frozen lake, eyes unfocused, already wondering when they could meet next. He snuck in a few glances to Kouhei, and always found him meeting his gaze.
“What is it? Why are you staring?”
“I love you.”
“WH-?” Taichi abruptly turned to face the other way. “That was too sudden!”
Kouhei was chuckling again. “Well, I’ve wanted to tell you since I first saw you today, so I don’t think it’s sudden?”
Taichi felt incredibly awkward, but pushed himself to look at Kouhei, to commit his smiling face into memory.
I love you, too.
That would be for another day.
“I take it back. I don’t feel better at all!”