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Chan felt it in his fingertips, curling at his toes, clawing deep within his throat. He hated this feeling, it had been months now and he needed to get back to his duties. He is the head alpha of his pack, after all, and his mates needed him, the entire pack did. They needed him to be their alpha.
But the anxiety was still there.
“Where’s Jeongin?” Chan had just finished getting dressed, a nagging feeling deep in his mind.
“He’s with Felix and Jinnie, helping them cook breakfast.” Chan visibly relaxed, grabbing onto his bag and gripping the handle a little too tightly. A warm hand on his made him look up, feeling warmth bloom in his heart as Changbin looked at him lovingly, “he’s alright, okay? You know they won’t let him out of their sight. He’s probably going to have a big breakfast, and then watch movies all day with the others since it’s so cold out. You’ve already talked to them multiple times, everything will be okay.” Changbin attempted to reassure, and Chan can’t lie, it definitely helps… It just doesn’t take away the nagging entirely .
“Okay.” Chan sighs, puffing his chest as they grabbed the last of their things. It was a simple meeting, and they would only be gone for the day. They would be back in time for dinner, and everything would be fine . Chan had to repeat this thought in his mind as they entered the kitchen, Felix piling pancakes onto Jeongin’s plate as the youngest stuffed his face. Chan couldn’t help himself, automatically moving close to their baby and pressing a kiss to the top of his head, gripping his shoulder and just making sure he was there , and breathing .
“Good morning, I made you and Binnie some breakfast tacos to go.” Felix smiles, leaning up to press a gentle kiss to Chan’s cheek. Jeongin looks up at Chan, cheeks stuffed full of pancakes and eggs. The omega offers a closed mouth smile towards the alpha, and Chan feels himself relax a little more, leaning down to kiss Jeongin’s forehead before leaning back up to press a kiss to Felix’s lips,
“That sounds amazing, thank you.” Chan felt grateful, Felix had picked up a lot of the slack while Chan entered a seemingly never ending dark state. When Chan had holed up in his room with Jeongin, Felix was the one that mainly took care of them, and Chan was forever grateful to his first omega.
“You’re gonna do amazing, and once you see your friends I bet you will feel right at home again!” Felix reassures Chan as he hands the alpha a small box packed with him and Changbin’s breakfasts and lunches. Chan hadn’t really thought much of his friends, but the idea of seeing them again suddenly made him feel a little better. He did miss his pack alpha duties, and he loved going to meetings and seeing his other pack alpha friends, and their betas if they decided to bring one. Sometimes a pregnant omega would even join, and Chan always enjoyed bringing gifts for mates who were expecting. With these thoughts in mind, Chan felt much better about leaving the den.
Once the car was loaded and Changbin and Chan were appropriately dressed for the snowy weather, the rest of the housemates came to say their goodbyes. Chan held Jeongin close, pressing little kisses to his lips over and over, making the omega giggle as he tried to pull away.
“You be good, okay? Don’t do anything you aren’t supposed to be doing.” Chan looks into Jeongin’s eyes, the other’s twinkling brightly like a galaxy, as they usually are.
“I won’t, alpha, I promise.” Jeongin smiles and gives Chan one final hug, and the alpha chooses to savor it. He held his baby close, tried his best not to think about that day, or that night, or the many long, restless nights afterwards. He tried to focus on how warm Jeongin feels, and not how cold he once felt, lifeless .
“We’ve decided to stay inside,” Hyunjin says, the alpha sensing some slight distress coming from Chan. The head alpha looks over at him, still holding Jeongin close, “It’s so cold out, we are supposed to be getting more snow, and it’s much nicer in here anyways. We won’t be leaving the den today.” That assurance alone had Chan relaxing, letting go of Jeongin and pressing one last kiss to his cheeks, turning and finally leaving with Changbin as the others waved goodbye.
.
.
.
He thought he was doing well.
Chan had made it through the first part of the meeting, and Felix was right, it felt amazing to see his friends again. They welcomed him with open arms, and a few had even gotten them gifts which Chan graciously accepted.
Then the second part of the meeting started and it dragged on and on, and it didn’t take long for Chan to get lost in his thoughts. These head alpha meetings typically have 4-5 parts, and they last all day. Usually Chan is okay with this, is able to get through it and enjoys hearing about how other packs are doing, or how he can possibly help with other packs. But this time he just can’t seem to focus. There’s something bugging him, something crawling in his gut. He has forgotten something and Chan can’t figure out what. He looks around the room, pausing when he sees an alpha with his nose pressed into a beta’s neck, scenting them. It dawns on him then as the meeting continues; he forgot to scent Jeongin before he left… just like that day.
It was during the third part of the meeting that one of the secretaries had come in and stopped everything, told them that there seemed to be an issue. Chan remembers being confused, looking at Minho, his other beta who had been with him at the time, questioningly. Minho shared the same look, and then they smelled it: blood.
The very thick smell of iron hit all of the alpha’s noses, each immediately jumping into action thinking that perhaps a pack of stray wolves had descended upon them. Even the beta’s smelled the blood due to the freshness of it, and Chan could tell it put Minho at unease. They all assumed the next time the doors to the room opened, they would be attacked, or have to go out and confront this pack themselves. Nobody, especially not Chan or Minho, was prepared for Changbin to come bursting in, tears streaming down his cheeks and his entire front half covered in blood . The thick scent of Jeongin hit Chan next, startling him as he realized that the blood on Changbin belonged to his youngest omega.
Chan stands abruptly, the current meeting halting as everyone turns to face him. Changbin stands with him, a worried look on his face, “I-I’m sorry, I need some air.” Nobody says anything as Chan stumbles out of the room, Changbin following closely behind. The cold wind hits them harshly once they make it outside, Changbin immediately wrapping his arms around Chan.
Chan feels pathetic, crying into the neck of his beta outside in the middle of the cold and snow, unable to get a hold of his feelings. He doesn’t know why it has to be so hard. Jeongin is fine, so why can’t he just get over this?
“I-I didn’t scent him before we left. Why didn’t I remember to scent him?” Chan cries, mentally kicking himself for forgetting something that had recently become so important in his routine. “Why is it so hard?” He voices his thoughts, blinking back the last of the tears. Changbin smiles sadly at him, before leaning in and kissing him softly. Chan savors it, enjoys the warmth Changbin brings him, how safe it makes him feel, but he knew . Chan still felt that nagging at the back of his mind.
It wasn’t, and wouldn’t be enough.
Once they made it back inside, Chan was surprised to see that they had put the meeting on pause, feeling slightly embarrassed for holding everything up, “Oh, you all could have continued without us. I apologize for holding things up.” Chan apologized to all of them.
“Chan,” Namjoon, one of Chan’s closest and most precious pack alpha friends spoke, “Maybe you should go home.”
“What?” Chan was taken aback, “No, I’m fine. I just needed a moment.”
“Chan, you know you don’t have to put on a tough front for us.” Seungcheol, another pack alpha said with a genuine smile. The other alphas all muttered out agreements, offering Chan sympathy.
“I-I appreciate it, honestly I do… But I’m their pack alpha, and I have to suck it up and do my duties eventually. I can’t sulk forever… I can’t be stuck forever.” Chan voiced his frustrations.
“Chan, sweetheart, your youngest omega almost died.” Namjoon’s words were like a bucket of ice being dumped on Chan’s head, his body tensing up. Nobody had ever said the words to him like that before, and it hit him then.
He thought of Felix’s face when he had first gotten to the hospital, how he fell into Chan’s arms and just broke down. He thought about how Seungmin and Hyunjin slept in Jeongin’s bed for weeks until he was finally able to come home from the hospital, then they started carrying his clothing on them to keep his scent close. He thought about how Minho, Changbin, and Jisung had tried to keep strong but were visibly shaken, and had become much more defensive and protective of not only Jeongin, but their entire pack.
He thinks a lot about the authorities questioning the other members, getting the story straight on exactly what had happened, “Did Jeongin say anything right after the attack?”
Chan thinks about how silent it got, the members not able to meet each other’s gazes as they each shuffled around. It took a minute for Felix to finally answer, “J-Just… Alpha. He kept calling for ‘Alpha.’”
“Nobody here is going to shame you for having feelings. You have a right to be upset, and you also have a right to take as much time as you need to heal. We can video call you if we need to, but you shouldn’t try to force a certain mental state, because it could end terribly. We are all here for you, and we all care. Now go home and take care of your baby.” Namjoon stood in front of Chan, and the younger alpha couldn’t help but to wrap his arms around the older, hugging him tightly and letting more tears fall. They were soon joined by many other alphas, and Chan hadn’t felt this much warmth and love from outside his pack in a while.
Chan didn’t hesitate then, grabbing his bags as he and Changbin rushed out of the building. They were back home by lunch, and Chan could feel his nerves jumping, even as Felix walked out of the house with a confused expression. Chan fast-walked up their porch and into Felix’s arms, the omega holding him without a word.
“He’s inside just eating lunch. He wanted to binge Harry Potter, so we were doing that and him, Hyunjin, and Seungmin may have had an impromptu wand battle.” Chan laughs wetly at this, thanking Changbin for grabbing their bags from the car as Felix led him inside and straight to the table. Sure enough, there Jeongin was chowing down on what smelled to be a reuben sandwich with teddy grahams as a side, and some celery sticks. The second Harry Potter movie is playing on the television, and the others are walking around either eating similar sandwiches and watching the movie, or just leisuring about. Jeongin wasn’t alone, which made Chan smile.
“Welcome back!” Jisung’s words have everyone turning towards Chan. Jeongin looks similar to how he did this morning; cheeks stuffed full with food and a twinkly eyed gaze.
“Hyung!” Jeongin exclaims excitedly through a full mouth, and Chan just chuckles, rushing over and scooping the omega up, “ Hyung , my sandwich.” Jeongin whines, and Chan can’t help but smile knowing the baby is probably pouting without even having to look at him.
“Sorry, baby, I’ll let you get back to your lunch, okay?” Chan pulls back and smiles, cradling Jeongin’s face in his hands after the younger swallows his bite.
“Are you okay, hyung?” Jeongin’s eyebrows pinch with worry, a small pout forming on his lips.
“Yeah, I’m good, baby. I’m just not quite ready for you to be away from me, yet.” Chan reveals as a few familiar sets of hands pat his back. Jeongin bites his lip and pretends to be deep in thought, Chan quirking a brow at his mischievous omega.
“You’re in luck, hyungie! Chamber of Secrets happens to be my least favorite Harry Potter movie, so I think I can pencil you in for some Innie time.” Jeongin smiles matter-of-factly, and Chan can’t help but laugh.
“Oh really? You can pencil me into your busy schedule, huh? Who gave you that bite on your neck?” Chan begins poking at Jeongin’s sides and stomach, the younger immediately trying to get away from the alpha as he laughs. The others look on fondly, knowing that it might take a while for things to get back to normal, might even take longer than a while, but they are okay with that. As long as they are all safe and happy, they are okay with anything.