Thanksgiving

by honggjoongie

Summary:

Yunho was expecting to spend Thanksgiving break alone on campus as usual, but his plan changes when a girl from school asks him to be her fake boyfriend for the week. The plan is all but thrown on its head when Yunho meets her brother San.

Notes:

Another holiday story! I've been trying to explore more ships, and Yunsan is just too cute.

I hope you enjoy, and happy early Thanksgiving!!

 

Also warning for homophobia, specifically from Yunho's parents, so please read safely everyone!

Yunho’s never liked the holidays. His whole life, he’s felt isolated from his family, always the odd one out, never fitting in. It was always the worst around the holidays, forced to be reminded how different he is, how uncomfortable being himself he is around them. Living in America, his family celebrates both Korean and American holidays, but he’s never felt particularly cheerful during any of them.

 

It was tolerable, until he’d been abruptly outed as gay to his parents without his consent. They’d tossed him aside without another thought, disowned him and said they never want to see him again. His saving grace was his academic scholarship to college, allowing him to move out and live on campus. Although he still has trouble connecting with people, his three years at school have been the best of his life.

 

Even since he’s been in college, he still doesn’t like the holidays. He’s left completely alone on campus while everyone else goes home to their families to enjoy good food and decorations and festivities. This year, after he spends Halloween with the few good friends he’s made, the air starts to get bitingly cold, everything turning into Thanksgiving and Christmas around him. He starts to grow cold with the weather, retreating into himself as the days pass. 

 

A week before Thanksgiving break starts, Yunho’s walking to his dorm from his last class of the day, leaves crunching under his feet, headphones in his ears. He’s humming lightly, watching students pass him by, talking to each other brightly. 

 

He’s startled by a tap on his shoulder, and he spins around, taking his headphones out. He sees Yubin, a girl he’s known since freshman year, the two of them occasionally sharing a class, falling into casual acquaintances. 

 

“Oh, hey!” Yunho greets. 

 

“Hi.” Yubin responds with a smile, red dusting her cheeks. 

 

“What’s up?” Yunho asks. 

 

“I- I just wanted to ask you something.” She tucks a strand of black hair behind her ear. Yunho waits attentively. “I’ve noticed that in past years you normally stay here during holiday breaks, and I have a really big favor to ask you.”

 

“Okay, what is it?” Yunho tilts his head in curiosity. 

 

“So my parents have been on my back about meeting someone for years, always asking me when I’m going to get a boyfriend, and I swear to god I’m going crazy.” She huffs. “It’s especially bad during Thanksgiving break, so I was wondering if maybe you’d be willing to be my pretend boyfriend for the week. Just Monday through Friday, no strings attached, and I can even pay you.” She finishes. 

 

Yunho blinks, digesting her words.

 

“I’m sorry, this is weird, right?” She cringes. “We’ve like, barely even talked to each other before, and now here I am asking you to come to my house and pretend to be my boyfriend...”  

 

“No, it’s okay!” Yunho rushes to assure her. 

 

Yubin looks only slightly relieved while Yunho considers her offer. On one hand, it’s definitely surprising, it would undoubtedly be awkward, and instead of his lonely but relaxing week off he’d spend it putting on an act for a pair of strange parents. However, on the other hand, he can see the near desperation in Yubin’s eyes, the bright hope, and he thinks that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to help her out. She’s always been really nice to him, and at least he won’t be alone. It’s a win-win. Right?

 

“Okay sure, I’ll do it.” Yunho nods. 

 

“Really?” Yubin’s face lights up, seeming surprised. 

 

“Yeah, why not.” Yunho shrugs with a smile. “And you don’t have to pay me.” 

 

“Wow, okay! Well here, put your number in, and we’ll make a plan!” She unlocks her phone and hands it to Yunho, who types in his number and hands it back. 

 

“I guess I’ll see you later then. And thank you so much, seriously.” She smiles. 

 

Yunho walks the rest of the way to his dorm thinking about what he’d just agreed to, chuckling at the peculiarity of it all. 

 

Over the next week, Yunho and Yubin text almost constantly to solidify their plan for Thanksgiving break. Yunho finds that he likes talking to Yubin, that she’s sweet and funny, and easy to get along with. 

 

The rest of the week flies by, and before Yunho knows it he’s packing his clothes into a bag and leaving campus at the same time as the rest of the school for the first time. It fills him with a sense of excitement that feels more than foreign to him given the time of year and circumstances. 

 

He meets Yubin at the nearby bus stop, smiling when she waves to him, bouncing on her feet. They talk for a few minutes, checking that they’ve got everything before they get on the bus that pulls up and get settled. Yunho feels nervousness start to bleed into his earlier excitement when they start the trip to her hometown, less than two hours long, and he tries to distract himself with conversation or his phone. 

 

Part way through the ride, Yubin breaks the silence that had settled over them. 

 

“So, I have to talk to you about something.” She shifts in her seat to face him. 

 

“Oh, sure.” Yunho pockets his phone and turns towards her. 

 

“My brother’s going to be there this week too. I didn’t think he was coming, but I guess his plans changed last minute.” She explains.

 

“Okay, are you upset about it?” Yunho asks. 

 

“No not at all. San’s great, I just don’t see him very often, so I was surprised when I found out.” 

 

Yunho nods in understanding. 

 

“Also when I heard he’s coming I texted him and told him everything about us, just so you know.” Yubin adds.

 

“Oh okay, thank you.” Yunho says, glad to have one less person he’ll have to pretend around.

 

They continue talking for the rest of the bus ride. Yunho finds out a lot about Yubin, about her family and her childhood. He enjoys the stories she tells him, and he finds himself looking forward to meeting her family and seeing her childhood home. 

 

When they get to their stop, it’s a blur of grabbing their bags and making their way off the bus. They’d coordinated with Yubin’s parents, so they’re already waiting in their shiny black car when they make their way through the crowd. They’re standing in front of the car waiting for them when they walk up, and Yunho bows deeply in greeting. 

 

“You must be Yunho!” Yubin’s mom returns his bow, her dad following suit. 

 

“Yes, it’s really nice to meet you both.” Yunho smiles. 

 

“Here, let me help you with those.” Yubin’s dad moves to grab their bags, Yunho helping him get them in the back of their car. 

 

The four of them get in, and Yubin’s dad pulls into traffic, a few minutes of quiet passing. 

 

“So Yunho, Yubin tells us that you go to the same university as her?” Yubin’s mom speaks up. 

 

“I do, I’m majoring in dance.” He responds. 

 

“Oh, San is also a dance major! Maybe you two will get along well.” Yubin’s mom reports happily. 

 

Yunho hums in response, surprised by the fact. He’s not sure what he was picturing when Yubin described her younger brother, but another dancer was not it.

 

They make polite small talk for the remainder of the drive, the car soon crawling down neighborhood roads and pulling into the driveway of a fairly large house. Yunho takes it in when he climbs out of the car, thinking that it seems worn but homey. They toe off their shoes and step into the house, setting their bags down in the entryway. 

 

Yunho nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels slender fingers intertwine with his, and his head snaps down, only realizing why Yubin is holding his hand when he notices her parents’ eyes on them, a sparkle visible in them at the fake couple’s small gesture of affection. 

 

He’s working on relaxing against the unfamiliar touch when Yubin’s mom turns to address him. “So Yunho, we’ll have you stay in San’s room while you’re here, I hope you understand.” 

 

“Yes, of course.” Yunho answers, not surprised by the parents’ rule. 

 

Mr. and Mrs. Choi both nod in approval of his response. 

 

“Okay, why don’t we give you a tour?” Yubin’s mom claps her hands.

 

While Yunho’s shown around the sizable house, Yubin’s hand remains in his, and he never quite gets used to the feeling. After going through the living room, kitchen, dining room, and the master bedroom being pointed out, they walk up the stairs to an open loft with a couch and armchair, rooms branching off from the space. 

 

“I’ll show you to San’s room, and you can leave your bag there. I told him to clear out the top drawers of his dresser for you.” Yubin’s mom tells Yunho. “He’s not here right now, but you’ll meet him later at dinner.” 

 

Yunho follows her through the door, setting his bag down near it and looking around. It’s minimal, but cozy. There are a few posters on the walls of different artists, some Yunho has heard of, a bed with two bedside tables, a desk, and a dresser. He follows Yubin and her mom to Yubin’s room where she drops off her own bag, and Yunho gets only a glimpse of the brighter colored room. He’s shown the shared bathroom in the hallway, and they finish the tour, ending up back in the loft. 

 

“You have a beautiful house Mrs. Choi.” Yunho tells her. 

 

“Oh Yunho, you’re too sweet.” She grins. “Okay, well I’ll leave you two to get settled, and dinner will be ready soon.” 

 

“Thank you.” Yunho offers her a small bow. 

 

She walks away, leaving Yunho alone with Yubin, who turns towards him. 

 

“I’m sorry you have to share San’s room. I figured they wouldn’t want you to stay with me, but you were supposed to get his room to yourself.” She says, guilt written on her face. 

 

“It’s okay, I don’t mind, really.” Yunho assures her.

 

“Thank you, you’re the best.” She smiles, pausing. “Also, I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

 

“What’s up?”

 

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry for holding your hand without asking first, and I realized that we never really talked about our boundaries, what we’re comfortable doing this week.”  

 

“Right, that would probably be a good idea.” Yunho chuckles. “And don’t worry about holding my hand, it was okay.” 

 

She lets out a relieved breath. “Okay, well if you’re okay with it, we should probably have some forms of pda, or they might notice something’s up.” 

 

“That’s okay with me.” Yunho responds. 

 

“So what all are you comfortable with?” Yubin asks. 

 

Yunho hums in thought. “Holding hands is okay, arms around waists and stuff like that is fine too.” He pauses. “But I think I draw the line at kissing.” He adds, his voice quieter. 

 

“Yeah, I understand. That all sounds good to me.” Yubin says. “Okay, now I’ll let you actually get settled.

 

Yunho nods, and heads into San’s room. He feels weird, letting himself into a stranger’s room, but he supposes he’ll have to get used to it for the time being. He starts moving his clothes into the top drawers of the dresser, making sure to keep them organized. 

 

The door to the room opens suddenly, and he expects Yubin to be coming in to talk to him again. He turns away from the dresser to talk to her, but he freezes. Standing in front of him is who he guesses is San. He’s shorter than Yunho, his muscles toned, his sharp features and dark cat-like eyes that are eyeing Yunho up and down make his heart flutter and his stomach churn. 

 

“You must be Yunho.” San says, his voice smooth. 

 

“I uh- yeah, yes.” Yunho loses his composure somewhere around the edge of San’s jaw. 

 

San smirks, and Yunho feels himself die a little inside. He knows his cheeks are flared pink. He grabs more clothes out of his bag for something to do with his hands so San doesn’t notice them shaking.

 

“So Yubin told me you’re doing this whole thing to help her out.” San comments. 

 

“Oh, yeah.” Yunho puts the last of his clothes in the dresser and turns to face San, immediately averting his gaze when he does. “I uh, I normally just stay on campus, and she needed help, so I thought why not.” He shrugs.

 

“Well that’s sweet of you.” San tells him. “I know our parents mean well, but they can be a little overbearing sometimes.” 

 

“I’m happy to do it.” Yunho answers, keeping his eyes firmly on the floor. 

 

“And as far as boyfriend material goes, I can see why she picked you.” 

 

Yunho’s head snaps up at San’s words. He tries to think of something to say, but can only stutter.

 

“See you at dinner.” San winks, and walks out the door. 

 

Yunho’s left reeling, blinking and standing still for far too long. He lingers for a while longer, unsure what to do with himself, until he hears a knock at the door. He voices for them to come in, and Yubin walks in the room. 

 

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know that dinner’s ready.” 

 

“Oh okay, thank you.” Yunho tries to smile.

 

“Are you okay?” Yubin asks. “You look kinda red- wait I saw San come out of here, did he say something, did he make you uncomfortable?” 

 

“No, no not at all!” Yunho assures her probably too eagerly.

 

“Okay, good.” Yubin nods.

 

The two of them walk downstairs together, a delicious smell making Yunho’s mouth water. Yunho greets Yubin’s parents warmly as they get settled at the dinner table. They talk casually, until San joins them, and Yunho forgets how to string together sentences. He directs all of his attention to his plate, and not to San across the table. He doesn’t at all think about how unfairly good the shorter looks, how pink his lips are. 

 

“So San, Yunho is also a dance major!” Yubin’s mom draws their attention. 

 

“Oh really?” San turns to look at Yunho, catching his eyes. Yunho doesn’t miss their brief flick downwards. “It looks like he has the body for it.” 

 

“Doesn’t he!?” Yubin’s mom raves happily. 

 

“Mom!” Yubin hisses under her breath. 

 

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I’m just so happy you brought home such a nice boy!”

 

Yubin grumbles an answer, but her mom only continues talking about dance and school until moving on to other topics. Yunho is lost in his head, which looks a lot like San’s eyes.

 

He eventually manages to catch up to the conversation when Yubin’s parents start asking him polite questions about himself. He shares, and then ends up spending a good majority of the meal talking to Yubin, a much more comfortable territory for him. Yunho’s grateful that San doesn’t say much more during dinner, letting him get through sentences without stuttering. 

 

While Yubin and her mom are cleaning up dinner, Yunho wanders into the living room where he’d seen San go. The shorter is on the couch, immersed in a game on the xbox. Yunho finds himself watching the screen, the game appealing. 

 

“Do you want to play?”

 

Yunho’s startled by San pausing the game to ask him. 

 

“Oh, I uh,  I don’t want to intrude..” Yunho answers.

 

“You’re not at all. Here, I’ll show you.” San pats the couch next to him. 

 

Yunho hesitates, but ends up sitting next to him, maintaining as much space between them as possible. He’s still close enough to realize how good San smells. He works on not letting it make his brain go fuzzy while San sets the game up. 

 

San goes through teaching him how to play the game, and Yunho messes up infinitely more times than he normally would, just to hear San’s laugh. When they start actually playing, Yunho picks up the game quickly, enjoying the challenge of trying to beat San. 

 

He ends up winning a couple times, and is absolutely devastated to see San’s pout, his chest constricting at the sight. He can’t stop himself from thinking that it’s one of the cutest things he’s ever seen. He doesn’t know the last time he’s laughed this hard, his cheeks sore by the time they decide that they should go to bed, spurred on by San’s mom’s thinly veiled hints. 

 

After they both clean up and get ready for bed, they end up in San’s room, his queen size bed in front of them. Yunho doesn’t let himself notice how cute San looks in his pajamas. 

 

“I’ll sleep on the floor.” San announces firmly. 

 

“No, I can’t kick you out of your bed.” Yunho frowns. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

 

“I won’t make you sleep on the floor.” San counters. 

 

“It’s okay, I don’t mind, really.”

 

“Well, what if we just share my bed?” 

 

Yunho’s brain short circuits, and he lets out a small incredulous laugh. San only blinks at him, and lifts an eyebrow in question.

 

“Oh, you’re not kidding?” Yunho asks, feeling overly warm.

 

“I mean, as long as you’re comfortable with it, of course.” San shrugs.

 

Yunho considers it, already feeling jittery at the idea, but it beats the floor by a long shot, and he tries and fails to convince himself that sleeping that close to San is in no way tempting.

 

“I- yeah that’s okay with me..” He says. 

 

San seems content with his answer, and they both climb into the bed. Yunho still makes sure to put as much space between them as he can. This time he can’t keep his head from going fuzzy when he’s surrounded by San’s smell. He stares up at the ceiling through the darkness until San speaks up. 

 

“Yunho, do you like my sister?” He asks. 

 

“Yeah, I mean she’s really sweet.” Yunho answers.

 

“No, I mean do you like her.” 

 

Yunho hesitates, surprised by the question. “Oh. Well she’s just not exactly my type.” 

 

“What is your type?” San asks curiously, turning towards him. Yunho instantly regrets when he turns to look back at him. 

 

He focuses on trying to picture his type. 

 

Slim waist, pink lips, a sharp jaw, sparkling brown cat-like eyes.

 

“Oh, uh, I don’t really know.” Yunho attempts a chuckle. 

 

“You have a type but you don’t know what it is?” San teases. 

 

“Yeah, I guess so.” Yunho lets out a dry laugh, barely managing not to blurt that San is exactly his type. 

 

There’s a brief pause, only their light breathing heard. 

 

“So, why don’t you go home for Thanksgiving?” San says.

 

“Well, I guess I just don’t really get along well with my family.” Yunho offers, shifting in the bed, suddenly jittery. 

 

“I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable, I was just curious.” San’s face falls in guilt, noticing Yunho’s deflection.

 

“No, not at all, it’s okay.” Yunho turns his head to look at San. 

 

It’s only a reflex for Yunho to assuage San, but once he does he realizes that he feels more comfortable around the other than he probably should. Thinking about his family makes Yunho uncomfortable, but even though he just met San, he already thinks he’s incapable of making him feel anything but enamored, nervous, and slightly nauseous. 

 

“What do you think of my family?” San asks instead. 

 

Yunho takes a minute to think about his impressions of them since he got here. “I think they seem cool. Your mom is really nice.”

 

San laughs. “Yeah, you could say that.” He pauses, his face softening. “Well for what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here.” 

 

Yunho feels his cheeks heat. “Thank you.” He looks away from San, a smile on his face.

 

“I guess we should get some sleep.” San chuckles.

 

“I guess we should.” Yunho feels his eyes droop, nestling deeper into the covers. 

 

“Goodnight Yunho.” San’s voice is gentle.

 

“Goodnight San.” Yunho mumbles, already drifting into unconsciousness. He falls asleep easily, San’s warmth next to him. 

When Yunho wakes up, he’s oddly comfortable and almost too warm, the early morning sun starting to stream through the window. He blinks the sleep from his eyes, only to freeze when he realizes why he’s so warm. 

 

San is lying on his chest, Yunho’s arms wrapped around him. They’re pressed close together, San’s breathing slow and even, his black hair tickling Yunho’s face. 

 

Yunho’s head is trapped somewhere between trying to decide what to do in the situation and the fact that San fits perfectly in his arms. 

 

Without realizing it, lost among his thoughts, Yunho drifts off again, his sleep addled brain unable to stop him from tightening his arms around San. 

When he wakes up again, he’s by himself in the bed, the room now bathed in bright light. He stretches, groaning, and takes a minute to check his phone. He hops out of bed, taking a quick shower and getting dressed before he heads downstairs. 

 

He hears the faint sound of the tv, and he follows it to the living room, where San’s playing another game on the xbox, and Yubin is sitting next to him on her phone. She looks up when she hears Yunho walk in.  

 

“Good morning!” She greets, her voice chipper. 

 

“Hey!” Yunho smiles. His gaze falls to San, who pauses his game to look back. 

 

“Morning.” He mutters, his cheeks turning red, and starts playing his game again. 

 

Yunho tilts his head, confused by the other’s strange behavior. 

 

“Yunho,” Yubin draws his attention back to her, “I was planning on going out with some old friends today. Is it okay if I leave you here?” 

 

“Oh, yeah of course, go, I’ll be fine.” Yunho waves her off.

 

“Okay, and San,” She turns to her brother, who hums, “don’t weird him out with your games or whatever, nerd.” 

 

“ Ha ha , very funny.” San jokes, his eyes still on the tv. 

 

“I’ll be back later today, have fun!” She turns to walk out of the room, Yunho and San offering their goodbyes. 

 

San doesn’t say anything when it’s just the two of them in the room, only the sounds of the tv playing through the quiet. Yunho shuffles on his feet where he’s standing. 

 

“So.. I’m starving, do you maybe want to get something to eat?” Yunho tries to bridge the apparent and unexplained gap between them.

 

His question gets San to pause his game, turning to face Yunho, the tips of his ears still pink. 

 

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” San says. 

 

Yunho moves to sit next to him on the couch. “Okay, what’s up?” His heart beats a little faster, his mind racing with a million ways he could’ve potentially upset or offended San since he got here. 

 

San sighs, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “I just wanted to apologize if I made you uncomfortable at all last night. Hugging something helps me sleep, so I might’ve accidentally cuddled you in my sleep.” San pauses, “Anyways, yeah, I’m really sorry.” 

 

Yunho remembers the feeling of San against him, his arms around him. 

 

“No, it’s okay, you didn’t make me uncomfortable at all.” Yunho tells him with absolute sincerity. 

 

“Are you sure?” San checks. 

 

“Yes.” Yunho nods, smiling, his eyes catching San’s. 

 

“Okay.” San returns his smile, the tension seeming to run out of him. “So do you still want to get something to eat?” 

 

“Yeah, is there anything here we could make?” Yunho asks. 

 

San hums in affirmation, “My mom always has tons of food in the house.” He turns the tv off and stands.

 

“Fun fact, I’m actually an amazing chef.” Yunho tells him with mock confidence, standing to join him. 

 

“Oh really? Well I guess we’ll see about that.” San teases. 

 

“So you’ll be my sous chef then?” 

 

“I’d love to.” San smiles again, and Yunho’s heart kicks into overdrive. 

 

The two of them walk to the kitchen, deciding on what they want to make. San helps Yunho pull out the ingredients, and Yunho gets started chopping vegetables. 

 

They fall into an easy rhythm, their cooking styles and skills complimenting each other as they make the meal. Yunho doesn’t have to force himself to come up with conversation topics, each one coming naturally, or just working in the comfortable silence. 

 

They move around each other in the kitchen, and Yunho doesn’t think it’s only in his head when San stands a little too close to him, brushing against him more than the space requires when he walks by. Yunho knows he’s not completely innocent, aware that he offers more cooking tips than is necessary just so he can stick to San’s side and hold his hand over a spoon while he stirs.

 

The smell of food wafts through the air, but Yunho forgets about his rumbling stomach in favor of talking and laughing with San. Before he realizes it, the meal is ready, and they sit down on the couch to eat it, putting something random on the tv in front of them. As Yunho starts eating, he realizes that despite there being a whole couch, he’s sitting so his side is flush against San’s, their thighs pressed together. Neither of them comment on it or make any effort to move away.

 

Once they’re done eating, they go back into the kitchen to clean up the dishes, standing side by side in front of the sink as they work. 

 

“Thank you, lunch was delicious.” San says, dunking his hands into soapy water. 

 

“Oh, well I can’t take all the credit.” Yunho chuckles.

 

“Please, it was all you.” San smiles. “So where did you learn to cook so well?” 

 

“Well I was by myself a lot as a kid, so I guess I just got used to taking care of myself.” Yunho shrugs.

 

“Wow, I really know how to pick the questions, don’t I?” San laughs lightly, handing him a plate. 

 

“It’s okay, I’m the one who makes every answer sad.” Yunho counters. 

 

“No, I like learning more about you.” San says, his voice quieter. Yunho smiles. 

 

“So what about you?” Yunho asks.

 

“What about me?”

 

“Tell me something about yourself.” 

 

San hums. “Um, I hate vegetables.” 

 

“That’s very insightful, thank you.” Yunho teases. 

 

San chuckles before his face falls into thought. 

 

“Dance in one of the most important things in my life.” He decides on eventually. 

 

“Oh yeah, your mom said you’re a dancer too,” Yunho says, “what got you into dancing?” 

 

“I guess it’s always been a way for me to deal with my insecurities, it makes me feel confident, more sure of myself.” San explains. Yunho nods, in complete understanding of what he’s talking about. 

 

“What got you into dancing?” San asks in return. 

 

Yunho pauses, considering his answer. “When I was a kid, every time I felt like I couldn’t be myself, or that I was alone, or trapped, I would dance. It was a way for me to express myself, a way to escape. It still is.” 

 

“I bet you’re a beautiful dancer.” San says. Yunho stills, turning his head to look at him. “You’re beautiful.” San whispers. Yunho can only look into his dark eyes, his breath caught in his throat.

 

They both jump when the front door opens, Yubin walking in, her cheerful voice carrying through the house. Yunho looks away from San, feeling the blush on his cheeks, and focuses on finishing the dishes. 

Yunho spends the rest of the day with Yubin, and he can’t keep a smile off of his face. Fortunately for him, she doesn’t question his giddiness. He can’t keep his thoughts off of San, of what he said, the way he’d looked at him, soft and sincere. He wants to tell Yubin about the way he feels around her brother, the way his heart feels too big for his chest when he’s near, but he bites his tongue, content to let the feelings simmer. 

 

At dinner, Yunho is lively, his discussion enthusiastic. He laughs at San’s jokes, tells the shorter his own, introduces topics that he thinks he’d be interested in, mentions something he’d remember about one of their earlier conversations. The meal flies by, and by the time it’s over he realizes that he’d monopolized a majority of it by talking to San. It’s hard to find it in him to feel regretful. 

 

That night, after the two of them get ready for bed, San lays down, and Yunho sits on the edge of the bed, fiddling with his hands.

 

“What’s wrong?” San asks, sitting up in the bed. 

 

Yunho debates voicing his thoughts. He’d had an idea in his head since he talked to San earlier in the day, but he’s unsure about approaching the topic. Eventually he decides to just go for it, San’s soft, concerned voice convincing him. 

 

“Well, I was thinking that, since it helps you sleep to hug something, m- maybe you could hug me, uh, if you’d be comfortable.” Yunho stutters, cringing at his own uncertainty. 

 

San doesn’t answer at first, his silence making Yunho’s nerves spike. He turns his head towards San, who’s looking at him with wide eyes.

 

“Really? You’d be okay with that?” San asks. 

 

“Yeah, sure it’s no problem.” Yunho answers, doing his best to pretend that his body isn’t aching to be close to the other’s. 

 

“Thank you, that’s really sweet of you.” San tells him with a small smile, the two of them moving to lay down on the bed. 

 

“Hey Yunho?” San says, Yunho humming in question. “Do you think it would- I just want to know if- um, it also helps me sleep better to be held…” He trails off. 

 

“Oh, okay, of course.” Yunho says, hearing the question in San’s statement. 

 

San smiles again, and they start to get settled. 

 

As San lays down, Yunho laying behind him and draping an arm over his waist shyly, he feels like his body is tingling with every touch, every inch they get closer together. San pushes himself back so he’s pressed flush against Yunho, and he grabs his arm, pulling it against his chest. Yunho’s certain that San has to be able to feel his heart pounding. 

 

In a moment of bravery, Yunho intertwines their fingers, smiling widely when San only hums, and nestles more firmly against him. Yunho pulls him closer, happiness radiating through him from the feeling of San in his arms again. He gets comfortable against San, the other’s hair tickling his nose, smelling faintly like sandalwood. Yunho lets out an appreciative sigh. 

 

“Goodnight San.” He murmurs, slipping into sleep. 

 

“Goodnight Yunho.” San whispers.

The next morning, Yunho feels more well rested than he thinks he ever has. San is still in his arms, breathing evenly, neither of them having moved in the night. He’s about to close his eyes and drift back to sleep in the peaceful quiet, holding onto San, but he can’t when his mind won’t stop running.

 

He’s suddenly overwhelmed by how happy being like this with San makes him, how much his body and heart craves the closeness with him, and how alarming that is to him. He can feel himself start to spiral into anxiety, and he needs to move, needs to distance himself.

 

Holding his breath, he starts to painstakingly slowly untangle himself from San, who grumbles in his sleep, but doesn’t wake up. Yunho lets out a breath when he gets off the bed, relieved that he doesn’t have to face San and attempt to explain the tangled maze that is his thoughts. 

 

He heads for the only place he can think to go to calm himself down, pausing by the door, listening for any signs of life outside of it. When the coast seems clear, he creeps his way to the bathroom, closing the door behind him and leaning against it with a sigh.  

 

It’s not too early for a shower to be disruptive, so he pushes away from the door and turns on the water, waiting for it to warm, steam curling through the bathroom. He strips off his clothes and steps into the shower, the water hot on his skin, soothing his muscles.

 

As he goes through the motions, he tries to rationalize with himself. The intensity of his feelings for San in such a short period of time worries him, makes his chest feel tight with what he thinks is the inevitable heartbreak, his instinct being to run away immediately, but he forces himself to think deeper. 

 

His past makes him terrified to fall for someone again, to trust someone again, but when he was younger, the signs had all been there. He was eager to have someone then, he was lonely and in denial of the red flags. As far as Yunho’s seen, warning signs are nowhere to be found with San. 

 

While he knows he has to be careful, to guard himself like he hadn’t before, he doesn’t want to keep himself from feeling. If he’s honest with himself, he doesn’t know if he even has the willpower to keep himself from San.

 

He finishes the shower quickly, climbing out and getting dressed again. He feels only slightly less confused, but his panic has ebbed enough that he can breathe normally. 

 

San’s awake by the time he goes back in the room, and he smiles widely when he walks through the door. Yunho has a hard time looking him in the eye for the rest of the morning, still lost in his own head. He eventually returns to normal, able to push his doubt to the back of his mind around the other, who continues to be his spirited, adorable self. 

 

Later in the day, Yubin asks Yunho if he wants to go to the movies with her, and he agrees easily, looking forward to enjoying the time out of the house. She smiles widely when he accepts, letting him know the times of different movies they could see. 

 

While they discuss it, Yunho remembers San telling him that he’s not planning to do much of anything for the day. 

 

“Is it okay if we invite San?” Yunho asks. 

 

Yubin pauses in the middle of listing the movies. “Oh, yeah sure, I guess that would be okay.” 

 

“Okay, I’ll go ask him and be right back.” Yunho smiles before he turns to walk up the stairs to his and San’s room. 

 

He knocks lightly on the door, walking in when he hears San’s voice from inside. He sees San on the bed, what looks like homework laid out in front of him.

 

“Hey, what’s up?” San looks up from the pile of papers. 

 

“Me and Yubin are going to go see a movie, do you maybe want to come?” Yunho tries not to let it show on his face how hopeful he is that the other will say yes.

 

“Did Yubin tell you to come ask me?” San asks in return. “I’m surprised, I’d think she’d be wanting to spend time with you away from her little brother.” He laughs. 

 

“No, I uh, I wanted to invite you and she said she’s fine with it.” Yunho says, feeling the tips of his ears warm, suddenly worried he’s coming across far too clingy. “But if you have to do homework, I totally understand.” He rushes to add. 

 

“Well since you asked so nicely, I can do this later, I’ll come.” San smiles, sending Yunho a wink that makes his blush spread to his cheeks. 

 

They walk down the stairs together, Yunho asking San what he wants to watch. Yubin offers them a small smile when they get there, and they head out the front door together. They decide to walk to the nearby theatre, the three of them talking lightly, eventually able to decide on a movie to watch. They get in line to buy their tickets and popcorn, stepping up when it’s their turn. 

 

Yunho says what he wants, but before he can pull out his cash, San stops him with a hand on his arm. 

 

“Let me pay for you.” San says.

 

“Are you sure?” 

 

“Yes, my treat.” San insists.

 

“Okay, thank you Sannie.” The nickname slips from Yunho’s lips, and his breath hitches, hoping that he hadn’t stepped over a line of familiarity with the other. 

 

It seems almost the opposite when San smiles, white teeth and dimples on show, making butterflies flutter wildly in Yunho’s stomach. 

 

The three of them go into the theatre, finding seats and getting settled. As they watch the movie, Yunho can’t stop stealing glances of San, of his profile, the slope of his lips, the way the light from the screen makes him glow. 

 

Yunho eventually manages to somewhat pay attention to the movie, relaxing and eating the snacks that San bought him. He enjoys himself, enjoys the movie and the company he’s with. Both Yubin and San will lean over periodically and comment on the movie or make a joke about something, and he finds himself laughing and smiling throughout. 

 

By the time the movie’s finished, Yunho thinks he spent more time looking at and talking to San than actually watching the screen. They walk out of the theatre, and Yunho does his best to keep up with the discussion of what they thought of the movie from what little he remembers. While they’re heading out of the building, San stops them.

 

“I just have to go to the bathroom really quick.” He tells them. 

 

When he’s gone, Yubin turns to Yunho, her face questioning.

 

“So Sannie, huh? I didn’t know you guys were that close.” She comments.

 

“Oh, yeah I guess. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, he’s cool.” Yunho shrugs, and he thinks there’s never been a greater understatement.

 

“Well I’m glad you’re getting along.” Yubin says with a tight smile. 

 

San comes out of the bathroom, and they walk the short distance back to the house. Yunho feels light, walking with Yubin, who’s quickly become a good friend to him, and San, who’s an enigma that makes Yunho feel lightheaded, but whose brightness is addicting. 

 

They get back to the Choi house soon, and hang out until it’s time for dinner. Yunho can’t stop stealing more glances at San while they eat, a smile on his face throughout the meal. He enjoys the conversation with the family, all of them cheerful, their company enjoyable. 

 

After dinner, Yunho heads to his and San’s room to work on the little amount of homework he has. He expects to get some work done, and maybe play video games with San until it’s time to go to bed, so he’s surprised when San walks up to him before he even makes it to their room. 

 

“Hey Yunho, I wanted to ask you something.” San says, avoiding his eyes. 

 

“Oh okay of course, what’s up?” Yunho asks. 

 

“I wanted to know if you’d like to go for a drive with me?” 

 

Yunho would jump at any chance to spend time with him, no matter what they’re doing. 

 

“Yeah, that sounds fun.” He says, smiling at San, who returns it, his nervousness seeming to melt away after Yunho accepts.  

 

San leads them out the door and to the car his parents had picked them up from the train station in. He opens the door for Yunho, making his heart warm as he climbs in, San getting in the driver’s seat. 

 

“So where are we going?” Yunho asks when San pulls onto the road.

 

“You’ll see.” San says, turning the radio on low. 

 

Yunho chuckles, and watches the world out the window. The little town is beautiful, reds, oranges and yellows painted over the trees that blur as they drive by, Fall decorations of the same colors set outside small buildings. They get to the heart of the town, the car slowing with the speed limit, practically crawling through the streets. 

 

“I thought I’d give you a little tour of the town.” San tells him. Yunho can’t voice how sweet that is.

 

San points out different things as the pass by, the park he used to play at with his sister, the one he jumped off of and sprained his ankle, his old schools, a run down library where he would go to do homework, and a little dance studio where San was the only boy that attended. Yunho listens attentively to every story San tells him, every piece of his life that he shares with him. 

 

The windows are rolled down, the crisp air tustling his hair as San talks, Yunho laughing at his childhood antics, listening with understanding when he talks about feeling isolated, fights he’d had with his sister, the hardships of finding himself. Yunho thinks he could listen to and learn about San for the rest of forever, holding onto every piece of information for dear life. 

 

The sun is setting by the time they’ve driven through the whole town, it’s oranges falling warmly over them. Yunho expects for San to drive them back to the house after the lovely evening, but San takes a different turn, now heading away from the town. Yunho’s content to watch the surroundings and enjoy San’s company while they drive. 

 

Not long after, they’re among some small hills, and San pulls the car off the road, turning it off and getting out to open Yunho’s door for him again. Yunho lets out a small gasp when he gets out of the car and looks at where they are for the first time. 

 

The car is facing the town, but they’re high up enough that they’re overlooking it. In the descending darkness, they can see the lights of the town, twinkling and bright. 

 

“San, this is beautiful.” Yunho says in awe. 

 

“I’m glad you like it.” San smiles, hopping up on the hood of the car and patting the space next to him. 

 

Yunho joins him, still looking out at the gorgeous scenery. 

 

“I come up here to think a lot.” San tells him as they both get settled. 

 

“Thank you for sharing it with me.” Yunho says. “So what do you think about?” He adds.

 

“Anything and everything I guess. When I was younger it would be how much homework I had or a test that I was nervous for.” He lets out a breath. “Now, it’s whether or not my parents would hate me if they found out I’m gay.” San’s features are firm as he stares out at the lights. 

 

Yunho’s mind tries to catch up with the fact that San just told him that he’s gay, meaning he’s finally met someone who really understands him. He’s filled with surprise and excitement, but he pushes it down in order to focus on San and be here for him. 

 

“I’ve never really told anyone this before..” San adds, looking down at his lap. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring down the mood.” 

 

“Hey.” Yunho gets his attention. “It’s like you told me, I like to know more about you.” He offers him a reassuring smile. “Thank you for telling me.” 

 

“I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable… I can stay in a different room if you want.” San says, his voice small. 

 

“San…” Yunho starts, “I want to tell you the real reason I don’t go home for Thanksgiving.” 

 

“Okay.” San’s voice is reassuring, his tone open and genuine. Yunho looks out at the lights as he talks, the stars shining over them. 

 

“What I told you before wasn’t a lie, I don’t go because I don’t get along with my family, that’s just not the whole story.” He pauses to take in a shaky breath, “When I was in high school, I was gullible, and naive, I thought I was in love, but it was all just a joke. Someone from my school pretended to be gay to get close to me, I thought I could trust him, but he did it all just to out me as gay to my parents. I lost my friends, my family, everything. They all laughed and joked while my life crumbled. My parents- They told me that they couldn’t have a gay son, asked what everyone would think of them. They threw me out and told me not to come back.” He looks up at the stars, blinking away the tears that threaten to fall.

 

“Yunho, I don’t even know what to say, I- I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

 

Yunho takes a deep breath, and grabs San’s hand next to him, the other looking at their intertwined fingers and squeezing lightly. Yunho’s heart flips at the feeling of San’s hand in his, his skin warm and soft, his touch firm and comforting. Yunho moves closer to him, laying his head on his shoulder. “After I went to college, it got better. I made a few real friends, I could be myself, but I still always felt a little lonely, a little wrong.” 

 

San turns his head towards him. “There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re perfect the way you are, and you never deserved for any of that to happen to you.” 

 

Yunho’s heart gets caught on the fact that San called him perfect. “Thank you.” He pauses, “I used to be so angry all the time, but now, I’m almost glad it happened. Of course I wish they could’ve found out from me, but prolonging it wouldn’t have helped anyone.” Hey says, and San nods. 

 

Yunho leans back to look at San. “And plus, if it hadn't happened, I wouldn't have met you.” He whispers, his eyes flitting over San’s face, down to his lips. 

 

“Yunho..” San breathes.

 

San leans forward, bringing his hand up and placing it gently on Yunho’s face, drawing him towards him. 

 

“Can I kiss you?” San’s breath sends a shiver through Yunho. 

 

“Please.” 

 

San closes the gap, pressing his lips against Yunho’s softly. Yunho feels like he’s flying, kept down only by the feeling of San’s lips, more beautiful than the brightest lights. Yunho leans forward to kiss him more firmly, his hands pulling San closer.

 

Kissing San feels more like home than Yunho’s ever known, flickers of safe and intimate, new and exciting mixing in him. The wind nips at his skin, but he’s consumed by the warmth spreading through him. San lets him set the pace, lets him explore his mouth as long as he wants. All he knows is that he never wants this feeling to end.

 

When Yunho eventually has to break the kiss and pull back, he realizes that he finds the same feeling in San’s eyes, in his wide euphoric smile that he knows he’s mirroring. 

 

“I- wow, I’d never kissed anyone before..” Yunho admits, still dazed. 

 

“Yeah? How was it?” San asks.

 

“I can’t imagine it gets any better than that.” Yunho says with a shy smile. 

 

San smiles, almost smug, and pulls him in again, connecting their lips. Yunho leans into him, melts into the kiss, until he pulls back again suddenly. 

 

“But San, I didn’t tell you that story to make you more worried about your parents finding out about you.” He says, his face falling.

 

“No, you didn’t at all.” San reassures him, “I’m really glad you told me.” 

 

Yunho shivers again, this time from the cold. 

 

“I guess we should probably go, huh?” San says. 

 

“I guess so.” Yunho nods. “But, thank you, for bringing me here, and for.. everything.” 

 

“You’re welcome.” San answers softly. 

 

San helps him down and he goes to open the door for him, but Yunho stops him before he can. San looks at him with wide eyes, and Yunho pulls him in for a hug. He puts his arms over San’s shoulders, and San wraps his arms around his waist. San tucks his face into Yunho’s neck, and Yunho could die happy, feeling secure and content. He’d been freezing before, but he feels like he could never be cold in San’s arms. 

 

San squeezes him before they pull back, both still smiling, and San opens the door for him, both of them getting in the car, cranking the heater as they drive back to the house. Yunho can’t stop smiling, and it already feels all too familiar for him to reach over and grab San’s hand. 

 

The house is asleep when they get there, and they clean up quickly before heading to bed themselves. They lay down, and Yunho sees San hesitating to come closer to him. He warms at San’s consideration, and he moves closer to the other. San responds immediately, wrapping himself around Yunho and humming happily. 

 

Yunho chuckles, feeling whole with San in his arms again, his heart full with adoration as San lays his head on his chest. They lay in silence, their breathing soft, bathed in the moonlight from outside the window. Yunho’s eyes start to droop, but he doesn't want this moment to end, doesn’t want this night to end. San puts his chin on Yunho’s chest to look at him, his eyes bright. 

 

“Yunho, you’re so beautiful.” He whispers. 

 

Yunho smiles and turns away, a blush settling on his cheeks and ears. 

 

“San, I just can’t even believe this is happening, I can’t believe someone like you would think that about me.” 

 

“What do you mean, someone like what?” San tilts his head. 

 

“I mean, someone that’s the most gorgeous, sexy, flawless person I’ve ever seen.”

 

“Ah, okay. And why wouldn’t someone like that think you’re beautiful?” San asks, smiling. 

 

“Because I’m just… me.” Yunho shrugs. 

 

“Yunho, you’re…” San pauses to think. “I don’t even have words for how amazing you are.” His eyes scan Yunho’s face. 

 

“Show me then.” Yunho breathes. 

 

San’s eyes linger on Yunho’s lips as he leans in to press his own against them. Yunho tightens his hands around him, pulling him closer. Their lips slot together, igniting sparks in Yunho, moving firmly but unhurried against each other. San’s hands are on his face, his tongue licking into his mouth, a warm burn simmering beneath the surface. 

 

Yunho feels San pour his heart into the kiss. There’s desire, passion, but no greed, both of them content to feel each other, to search and learn the other. Yunho wonders how he went so long without this feeling, how he could ever be without it again. He’s already grown desperately addicted to San.

 

Yunho doesn’t know how long they kiss before they finally separate, Yunho yawning and San pressing his lips to his cheek with a soft smile. 

 

“Goodnight baby.” San whispers. 

 

Yunho’s sleep fogged brain catches the pet name, and it makes happiness buzz through him, a wide, toothy smile on his face as he mumbles a goodnight in return. San drapes himself over Yunho, hugging him tightly and laying his head back on his chest. Yunho holds him close, breathes in his smell, feels his heart beat in time with his own. He falls asleep with the thought that nothing can feel better than laying tangled up with San. 

The next morning, Yunho’s struggling to pull himself away from San and the comfortable bed, but he’s urged by his grumbling stomach. Once they’re both awake, San greets him with a kiss. 

 

“Good morning gorgeous.” San says, smiling against Yunho’s lips. 

 

“Yeah right.” Yunho rolls his eyes, knowing he must look like a mess, but he still pulls him closer, allowing himself a minute to indulge in San’s lips.

 

“Happy Thanksgiving.” San tells him when they part. 

 

“Oh right.” Yunho had forgotten about the holiday during the week. 

 

“So what are you thankful for?” San asks, tracing an abstract pattern across Yunho’s chest. 

 

“Hm.. I’d say I’m pretty thankful for my girlfriend Yubin.” Yunho teases. 

 

San scoffs and slaps him playfully, making Yunho laugh. With a glint in his eye, San grabs Yunho’s chin and turns his face towards him, moving forward to crash their lips together firmly. San flicks his tongue and bites down on Yunho’s bottom lip, Yunho letting out a gasp before San pulls back with a smirk, fully aware that he’s leaving Yunho craving more. 

 

“Now that I’m thankful for.” Yunho says, his voice breathy.

 

“You’re supposed to say you’re thankful for me, not just my lips.” San pouts. 

 

“I know baby, I’m very thankful for you.” Yunho chuckles. Once he lets it slip, he’s overwhelmed by how happy being able to call San the pet name makes him.

 

San smiles, seeming appeased, and Yunho leans in to leave one last peck on his lips, forcing himself to stop before he’s unable to.

 

“Come on, let’s go get something to eat, I’m starving.” Yunho says, San nodding in agreement, and they finally drag themselves out of bed. 

They eat a light breakfast, Yubin joining them at the table, San’s mom insisting that they all save their appetite for dinner. Once they’re done, Yubin walks up to Yunho. 

 

“Hey.” She smiles. “I wanted to know if you want to go for a walk with me?”

 

“Oh, yeah of course.” Yunho says. 

 

He grabs his coat and gloves, and they head outside, walking along a path through the town. Yunho hums at the sun warming his face, leaves crunching underneath his feet. When the cold seeps through his gloves, he wishes San were there to warm his hand with his, to warm the rest of him with his smile. He shoves his hands in his pockets instead. 

 

“I’m glad we could do this today.” Yubin says. “I feel like we haven’t even seen each other since we got here.”

 

“I know, it’s been kind of a crazy week.”

 

“I’m sorry if I’ve been too busy.” She says, looking down at her feet. 

 

“Hey, it’s okay. I understand.” Yunho nudges her with his elbow. 

 

“I just don’t want you to regret coming.”

 

“I promise I don’t at all.” He assures her with finality. “I’m glad I could help you this week, and I’ve been having a lot more fun than I ever would stuck by myself on campus.” He wishes he could tell her just how much he’s gained this week. 

 

“Okay well good.” She says. “I’m glad you came.” 

 

“I am too.” Yunho smiles, looking at the trees, his mind on cat-like eyes and a dimpled smile. 

 

They spend the rest of the morning walking, Yubin telling Yunho her own childhood stories about the town. Yunho smiles as she recalls old memories. They talk about school, and classes, their goals for their careers and their lives. Yunho’s grateful that Yubin suggested this, the scenery beautiful and the walk refreshing. 

 

By the time they make their way back, the tip of Yunho’s nose and ears are numb, a chill settled in him, tingles running through him when he’s inside the warmth of the house. When he finds San, the other gives him an adoring smile, Yunho’s heart flipping wildly in his chest at the soft look in his eyes. 

 

San pulls him aside, checking that none of his family is around before he kisses the tip of Yunho’s nose, his lips hot against Yunho’s cold skin. 

 

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” San says. 

 

“It’s okay, I guess I can forgive you.” Yunho teases. 

 

San winds his arms around Yunho’s waist. “How was your walk with Yubin?” He asks. 

 

“It was actually really nice.” Yunho holds onto San’s shoulders.

 

“That’s good.” San smiles. “But just so you know, my mom is going to make us help her decorate for Christmas now.” 

 

Yunho doesn’t know the last time he decorated anything for Christmas. Brief flashes of bright lights and cheery decorations, Christmas music and laughter fill his mind. Memories of what it was before it all got washed away. He wants to jump at the chance to get even a sliver of that feeling again. 

 

“I think that sounds fun.” He tells San. 

 

“Okay, well just be warned that my mom really likes to go all out for Christmas, and we’re going to be stuck helping until dinner. At 5.” San adds dramatically. 

 

Yunho chuckles, leaning in to kiss San’s cheek before they walk out to the living room together. 

 

Turns out, San wasn’t exaggerating. His mom brings out boxes and boxes of decorations, they pull out a fake tree, put on Christmas music, even make peppermint hot chocolate. The house is doused in Christmas, and Yunho sticks to decorating the tree while the rest of the family helps out nearby. 

 

It’s bittersweet for Yunho, being able to decorate and enjoy the holiday after so many years, but faced with the reminder that it’s with a family that isn’t his. He decides to get out of his head, to focus on pulling the Christamas spirit up from the box in his head he stuffed it in when he was in high school. 

 

“So do you normally decorate for Christmas on Thanksgiving?” Yunho asks the room curiously.

 

“Yeah, we figure while we’re together and have time off, why not?” San’s mom answers, hanging up a strand of Christmas lights. 

 

“I always thought it was kinda weird to decorate for one holiday while celebrating another one, but I guess now it’s kinda become tradition.” San adds from where he’s sitting on the couch, taking a drink of his hot chocolate.

 

“You mean it’s become tradition for us to decorate while you sit and watch?” Yubin taunts as she picks up another ornament for the tree.

 

San flips her off, earning a reprimand from his mom, Yunho laughing at the siblings’ antics. Yunho’s humming along to the faint Christmas music, stealing glances at San periodically, when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out, freezing when he sees his mom’s number on the screen. He absentmindedly tells the room that he has to take a call, walking up to San’s room and closing the door. 

 

He feels like he’s floating, or dreaming. He looks down at the screen. He never thought he’d see that number calling him again. His hands are shaking, his mind empty, and he can’t move, can’t do anything but stare at his phone in shock. The call ends, his generic lockscreen coming back, almost mocking him with how normal it is. 

 

His head whips around when there’s a knock at the door. 

 

“Yunho, can I come in?” San’s voice comes through the door. Yunho thinks it’s the only voice he wants to hear right now.

 

“Y- yeah, come in.” He manages to answer.

 

Yunho watches as San opens the door and closes it behind him, carefully walking up to him. 

 

“Is everything okay?” San asks. 

 

“I- I don’t, I don’t know…” 

 

“Hey, talk to me baby.” San’s hands are on his cheeks, and Yunho looks into his warm brown eyes, takes a deep breath. 

 

“My mom called me.” 

 

“Oh, wow. Did you answer?” San drops his hands to hold Yunho’s. 

 

“No, I didn’t know what to do.”

 

“So you have no idea what she wanted? Did she leave a voicemail?” San asks. 

 

“No, I have no idea, she didn’t leave a voicemail. I haven’t- I haven’t talked to her in years. ” Yunho tells him. 

 

“Do you want to know what she wants? Maybe you can call her back?” San offers. 

 

Yunho considers it, considers all the things she could possibly want to talk to him about after all this time, none of them good. Although he knows that if he doesn’t find out, the curiosity will eat away at him, will drive him crazy. He’s about to answer San when his phone starts ringing again, startling him. 

 

“Should I answer it?” Yunho looks at San with wide eyes. 

 

“Only if you want to.” San squeezes his hands reassuringly. 

 

Yunho nods, looking down at his phone.

 

“I’ll give you some privacy.” San says, and lets go of his hands to walk out of the room. 

 

Yunho misses his calming presence, but he appreciates the other’s consideration. He takes another deep breath and answers the call. 

 

“Hello?” He fights to keep his voice even. There’s a brief moment of silence.

 

“Yunho? Oh, I’m so glad you answered.” 

 

Hearing his mom’s voice for the first time in years fills Yunho with sadness, relief, anger, endless emotions all at once that he can’t begin to unpack at the moment. 

 

“Yeah, uh, what do you want?” He doesn’t mean to be rude, but he’s not exactly feeling up for small talk. His hands are shaking harder, his breathing shallow. He just wants to get this over with. He wants San.

 

“I know you must be so angry at your father and I, and you have every right to be. But, both of us, we want to make it right. We miss you, and if you’ll give us the chance, we want to be back in your life again.” His mom sounds hopeful, almost desperate, but Yunho doesn’t think she sounds disingenuous. 

 

“I- I don’t know what to say.” 

 

“I know it’s a lot to take in.” His mom responds. 

 

“But why? I mean, it’s been years, and you’ve never cared before. So why now?” Yunho’s voice grows more firm. 

 

“Yunho, we’ve always cared about you. That day, we were just so surprised, and we were scared of what others would think of you, of our family. But I know that’s no excuse, and I’ve regretted what we did and said to you every day since, but I just couldn’t bring myself to reach out to you until now. I’m so sorry it’s taken us this long to come to our senses.” 

 

Yunho’s head is spinning, this is all coming out of nowhere, being thrown at him with no warning. 

 

“Um, well I appreciate it, I guess, but I don’t really know if I can see you or dad again.” He pauses, that day flashing through his mind, how broken it made him. “Do you have any idea what you did to me? I was a kid, and you threw me out over something I can’t control, like I was useless, like I meant nothing to you.” Yunho’s eyes fill with tears, but he blinks them away, anger replacing every other emotion in him the longer he talks. 

 

“I know, and I am so sorry. You mean the world to both of us, you always have, even if we were too ignorant to know how to show you that. Please, just give us the chance to make it up to you, to make it right.” His mom pleads.

 

Yunho thinks it’s too little too late.

 

“No, I don’t think so. You don’t get to throw me away and expect to walk back into my life years later like nothing happened.”

 

“Yunho, I-” 

 

“Goodbye.” He ends the call. 

  

Before he can descend even further into panic, Yunho walks out the door and finds San sitting in the loft, waiting for him. He looks up when he hears Yunho, and Yunho gestures for him to come back into the room. 

 

“What happened?” San asks, his voice concerned. 

 

Yunho opens his mouth to speak but can’t, instead he pulls San in for a hug, San holding onto him tightly. Yunho breathes deeply, his face in San’s hair, breathing in his scent, comforted by his warm arms. 

 

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” San says once they part. 

 

“I know, thank you.” Yunho gives him a small smile, “But I think I need to.” He adds, San nodding in response.

 

“She said… Basically she said that her and my dad are sorry for what happened, and that they want to be in my life again.” He tells San, the words still seeming unreal to him after so many years. 

 

“Oh, and what did you say?” San asks gently.

 

“I told her how I feel. I told her I don’t want to see them.” Yunho’s brow furrows. 

 

“You don’t want to try having a relationship with them again?” San tilts his head.

 

“No. Why would I after what they did to me?” Yunho frowns, taking a step back. 

 

“I know baby, I know. But if they’re wanting to make it right, why not let them?” 

 

“Because they’ve done nothing to deserve it! They fucked me over and left me alone, and you expect me to just let them back in my life? As if that’s fucking normal? I can’t believe you’re taking their side.” Yunho’s voice rises. 

 

“I’m not taking sides, I just mean that maybe you’d regret it if you didn’t give them a chance.” San keeps his voice down, but Yunho can sense his defensiveness. 

 

“Wow.” Yunho deadpans, shaking his head, “I thought you’d be on my side, I thought, just maybe, you of all people would understand. But I guess I was wrong.” He bites, not letting his resolve waver when San’s face falls, and he turns and walks out the door. 

Yunho leaves the house, needing space, feeling trapped and confused and angry. He didn’t grab his coat, but the cold is the last thing on his mind as he wanders through the neighborhood. He ends up at the small park, which is completely vacant. There are no laughing children running around, the swings squeaking as they sway in the wind, dark clouds hanging overhead. 

 

He sits down on one of the benches, pulling out his phone that he’s felt buzzing in his pocket. All of the messages are from San.

 

[Please come back]

 

[Please talk to me baby]

 

[I’m really sorry]

 

[Please, it’s really cold, you’re going to freeze]

 

[Yunho I’m sorry]

 

[Where are you? I’ll pick you up…]

 

Yunho feels tears prick at his eyes again, and he grits his teeth against the feeling. He shoves his phone back in his pocket. 

 

San’s right, Yunho is freezing, goosebumps covering his skin, but he ignores it. He hangs his head low, endless thoughts swirling around in his head, none of them clear. He finally lets the tears fall. He can’t believe his parents, in awe that San thought he could just forgive them after everything they put him through. Anger builds in him the longer he thinks about it, but once he’s able to look past that, waves of nearly every other emotion crash over him. 

 

He feels guilty when he remembers how sad San had looked, how lost his eyes were before Yunho left. He feels sad, faced with the possibility of having his parents back, of everything he used to want, but it can never be the same. He thinks about San’s words, confused at the idea that maybe he could be right, maybe he could give them a chance. He just can’t seem to leave the overwhelming anger behind. He’d felt like his life was ending that day. He was just a kid, and they abandoned him. 

 

The most prominent thought in his head alongside the searing anger is San. He trusts that San wouldn’t do anything to hurt him, the other having only shown him patience and understanding since he met him. He doesn’t want to lose San.

 

While he sits on the hard bench, the cold seeping into his bones, he decides that if he knows nothing else, he knows that San was only trying to help, and Yunho shouldn’t have acted the way he did. 

 

He needs to go back to San, needs to apologize to him, but when he looks at his phone again he sees that it’s almost 5. He doesn’t want to embarrass Yubin in front of her parents any more than he already has by being late to Thanksgiving dinner. 

 

He forces his frigid legs to stand, and starts the walk back to the house. He replays his conversation with his mom in his head over and over, replays the day they’d kicked him out. Anger is still bubbling in his veins when he walks in the door and takes his shoes off, the heat burning against his chilled skin. 

 

“Oh Yunho, come sit, you’re just in time for dinner!” San’s mom says, her usually pleasant chipper voice grating on Yunho’s frayed nerves. 

 

He washes his hands and walks over to the table, a picture perfect spread of food laid over it, the four family members already sitting around it. As he sits down in the empty chair next to Yubin, she throws him a questioning glance. He braves looking at San, and instantly regrets it when he sees the sad, guilty look written across his face. He wants nothing more than to talk to him, but he has to put on an act for Yubin’s parents. He’d promised her. 

 

He puts all of his effort into acting normal and polite while they start to eat, but he can’t get out more than a few words, too caught in his own head. San is equally quiet across the table, and Yunho knows Yubin and her mom are picking up the slack in the conversation. He just keeps making things worse. His parents keep managing to make things worse for him just when he’d found something that makes him happy.

 

“San, have you met any nice girls at school?” Yubin’s mom asks. 

 

Yunho nearly laughs. He wants to know what it is with parents that makes them act like being straight is the only possibility, the only option. It’s exactly the type of thing Yunho’s parents would ask him, and it drags his mood down further. He just hopes San’s parents will have more tolerance than his own did when they eventually find out. 

 

“Uh, no, I haven’t.” San mumbles, picking at his food.

 

“There aren’t any girls that have caught your eye?” San’s dad asks, and Yunho can’t hear his words as anything but condescending. 

 

“No, there aren’t any girls that have caught my eye.” San puts his fork down, his voice tight. 

 

“There’s no need to get upset San, we just want to know when you’re going to find a nice girl to bring home.” San’s mom says, like clarifying will make their blindness any better. 

 

As if to make sure she wards off the questioning being turned on her, Yubin grabs Yunho’s hand on top of the table. Yunho tries to put on his most convincing smile when Yubin’s parents’ eyes follow the movement. San looks dejected as he stares down at his plate, and Yunho wants to shake Yubin’s hand off, wants to reach out to him.

 

“So Yunho, what do your parents do for a living?” Yunho’s head turns toward San’s dad when he asks. 

 

“Yes, I’ve been meaning to ask, we haven’t heard anything about them! We’ll have to meet them sometime.” San’s mom adds, humming around a bite of food. 

 

Yunho feels his heart drop at the direct mention of his parents, San sending him an alarmed look.

 

He remembers what they did for work when he still lived with him, before they disowned him. He wishes he could gush about them to Yubin’s parents, could tell them their careers and that he’d love for them to meet someday, but all that’s left in his mind is the fact that they stole that relationship from him. They’re only now trying to fix it, after years of silence, and that makes him beyond angry, but he still misses them, and he doesn’t know how much of his anger is directed at himself for it. 

 

“I’m not sure what they do for work anymore.” Yunho answers. “Not that it’s any of your concern anyway.” He mutters. 

 

“ Yunho!” Yubin says under her breath, hitting his leg under the table. He looks at her and she sends him a pointed look. 

 

“I’m sorry, if you’ll excuse me, I need to use the restroom.” Yunho stands suddenly. As he walks away from the table, he doesn’t miss San’s wide, concerned eyes on him.

 

Once he closes the bathroom door behind him he lets out a sigh, running his hands through his hair. He knows he needs to get a hold of himself, needs to sort through his own feelings and problems, if he could only stop being so resentful. 

 

He checks his phone, first seeing a message from Yubin. 

 

[Yunho what the hell was that about?]

 

[Nothing, I’m fine. I just needed a minute.] He types back. 

 

There’s another new message from San.

 

[Are you okay? Please let me know if you need anything.]

 

Yunho puts his phone away again. He splashes water on his face in the hopes that it will do something to help before he leaves the bathroom. 

 

Four heads turn to look at him when he walks back to the table, and he addresses Yubin’s parents.

 

“I’m really sorry for my outburst.” He says to them. 

 

Under normal circumstances he would further his apology, but he can still feel tendrils of anger and confusion simmering underneath the surface, so he keeps it brief. 

 

“It’s alright, we understand there are sensitive subjects. You’re already forgiven.” Yubin’s mom tells him with a smile.

 

Yunho’s thankful that they continue the meal like nothing happened when he sits back down at the table. He still can’t bring himself to make much conversation as they finish eating, but in what little he does say, he at least manages to make it seem relatively normal and not like he’s waging an internal battle with himself for the duration.

 

The first chance Yunho gets when the meal is over he excuses himself and leaves the table, San on his heels, both of them headed for their shared room. They’re stopped by San’s mom’s voice.

 

“We’re going to watch a movie when we’re finished cleaning up. You two should join us!”

 

“Yeah okay, we’ll be down in a few minutes.” San calls back, already turning away again.

 

Yunho hurries up the stairs and into the room, San following him inside and closing the door.

 

“Yunho, I’m so so sorry.” San starts, looking at Yunho with somber eyes.

 

“San, you don’t have to be sorry.” Yunho tells him with a sigh.

 

“Yes I do, I was insensitive, and harsh, and I should’ve been more understanding, I should’ve tried to listen.”   

 

Yunho moves to sit on the bed, gesturing for San to sit next to him. Once he does, they face each other before Yunho answers him.

 

“I’m the one that needs to apologize.” Yunho says. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you were just trying to help, and I know that.” 

 

“But-” 

 

“No, I unfairly took my anger at my parents out on you, and you didn’t deserve that at all.”

 

“It’s okay, you’re going through something really hard right now.” San tells him. Yunho wonders how someone can be so kind and compassionate. 

 

“It’s not okay. That’s not an excuse, and I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that.” Yunho counters. “You’re so sweet and caring, and you deserve to be treated the same way. So I’m really sorry.” He insists.

 

“Okay, well then you’re forgiven.” San says, and Yunho’s heart warms.

 

“Thank you.” Yunho says. “You’re really amazing, you know that?” 

 

“I’m glad you finally noticed.” San teases.

 

Yunho nudges him with a laugh, and San opens his arms. Yunho gladly leans into him, lets him wrap his arms around him, tucks his face into his neck and breathes deeply. He holds onto San, lets relief and comfort wash over him. San tries to pull back, but Yunho tightens his hold, not ready to part, making the other chuckle fondly.

 

“What are you going to do about your parents?” San asks. 

 

Yunho groans, “I don’t know.” He mumbles into San’s skin. 

 

San finally gets Yunho to loosen his arms enough to lean back and look at him.

 

“Well I can’t begin to imagine how you feel or when you went through, and I don’t know your parents like you do, but for what it’s worth, if you think they’re really going to try to make things better between you, and they seem sorry, then maybe it’s worth it to give them a chance.” San says. “But whatever you decide, I’ll support you.”

 

Yunho smiles, his heart full to bursting with affection and appreciation for San. “Thank you.”

 

He pauses to think about San’s words, about his own feelings. Everything in him wants to run as far away from his parents as he can, to dismiss their empty words and overdue apologies. However, a little voice in his head, that sounds suspiciously like San, urges him to think more rationally, to consider the possibilities. 

 

“You really think I should meet with them?” Yunho asks San. 

 

“I think it’s a choice only you can make, and only you know what’s best for yourself. But I also think that no matter the outcome, it could be good for you to at least hear them out. And who knows, maybe something more will come out of it, something better.” San brushes a strand of hair out of Yunho’s face. 

 

“When did you get so wise?” Yunho jokes, making San smile. 

 

“I’ve always been a genius.” Sam smirks. 

 

Yunho takes a deep breath. “But I think you’re right. I’ll give them a chance.” He decides with a nod, feeling the knot in his chest loosen, his head more clear. 

 

“I think that’s a good choice.” San tells him. 

 

“Thank you, again.” Yunho says.

 

“You’ve gotta stop thanking me you know, you made the decision on your own.” 

 

“But I’m really grateful to you.” Yunho counters.

 

San’s eyes wander down to Yunho’s lips. “Yeah? How grateful?”

 

Yunho smirks, and he kisses San, slow and deep, his hands on his cheeks. He relishes the feeling of San’s lips, the way he moves closer, kisses him back with as much warmth and tenderness as Yunho gives him. Yunho presses endless kisses against his lips, lets himself feel every inch of them. 

 

When Yunho feels his body heating, the kiss deepening, San biting down on his bottom lip, he forces himself to pull away. 

 

“We should probably stop before we can’t.” Yunho regrets saying. “You did tell your mom we’d watch a movie with them.” 

 

San groans, “I wish I wouldn’t have.” He grumbles.

 

“I know baby.” Yunho chuckles. “Come on.” He wants to kiss the pout off of San’s perfect lips, but instead he stands, grabbing San’s hand and pulling him up to follow him. 

 

He does his best to make sure they both look presentable before they walk down the stairs. Yubin and her mom are doing the dishes, her dad sitting in the living room. 

 

“Need any help?” Yunho asks, walking into the kitchen. 

 

“Yes please, thank you.” San’s mom smiles, moving to the side to make room. 

 

Yunho helps them finish the rest of the dishes, San attempting to help as well, but he ends up talking more than helping. Yunho’s still grateful for the effort. 

 

When they’re done, the four of them file into the living room. San’s mom sits with her husband, while Yunho ends up on the couch in the middle of San and Yubin. Yubin throws a blanket over all three of their laps while her parents put on a movie. It’s a Christmas movie that Yunho’s never seen, and he’s actually looking forward to relaxing and watching it, his stomach full, the house now bathed in soft colorful lighting.  

 

Yunho burrows further underneath the blanket as the movie starts, fighting not to give in to the urge to lean against San and cuddle up to him. Part way through the movie, Yubin glances at her parents before looking at Yunho and nudging his arm pointedly. He gets the hint and drapes his arm over her shoulders. 

 

It makes him feel wrong, to lie, to show disingenuous affection, but he grounds himself in what the others in the room don’t know; the fact that he’s holding San’s hand underneath the blanket on his other side, their fingers laced and their sides pressed together from San inching closer to him.

 

That’s how he spends the rest of the movie, keeping up appearances with Yubin’s parents by keeping his arm around her, wanting to wrap around San instead, but settling for rubbing his thumb against the back of his hand under the blanket. Settling into the couch with San’s warm hand in his, Yunho thoroughly enjoys the cheesy, feel-good Christmas movie.

 

When the movie’s credits roll, San’s parents are both asleep, roused by the tv turning off, and the other three hiding yawns behind their hands. They all drag themselves off the couch and to their respective rooms, offering tired, droopy eyed goodnights to the others. Yunho sees Yubin stop to talk to her mom before he’s too focused on climbing up the stairs. 

 

He’s dead set on crawling into bed and passing out immediately, his body heavy with sleep, but when San closes the door behind them and looks at him with dark eyes, biting his bottom lip, that plan flies out the window. 

 

“Couldn’t keep my eyes off of you during the movie.” San breathes, stepping closer to Yunho, “Wished I could kiss you the whole time.” He pushes Yunho backwards to the bed, both of them sitting down on it, eyes not leaving the other. 

 

“You can now.” Yunho whispers. 

 

San’s smile is hungry as he leans forward to capture Yunho’s lips with his own. Yunho meets him, his hands in San’s hair, tugging, pulling him closer. Yunho sighs against San’s mouth, their lips sliding together, making heat sputter to life in him and drown out any drowsiness. San moans low in his throat, the sound like electricity racing through Yunho. 

 

Yunho moves back to lean against the headboard, San following him. San straddles his thighs, his lips immediately on Yunho’s again. San’s weight in his lap drives desire into Yunho, makes him whimper as he digs his fingers into San’s golden skin. He fiercely wishes there weren’t so many layers of clothes between them. 

 

Yunho puts his hands on San’s waist, groaning at how small it feels underneath them. San pulls away to kiss down Yunho’s neck, rolling his hips against him. Yunho bares his neck and holds in a moan. San’s lips are soft against Yunho’s skin, making him gasp when the other teases him with his teeth. 

 

Growing needy and impatient, Yunho grabs San’s chin and pulls him up to kiss him again, their desperation rising. Yunho inches his hands under San’s shirt to splay against his back, the firm muscles rippling under his touch. Their chests press flush together, San’s fingers in Yunho’s hair and his tongue in his mouth, wrapping him in pure bliss and pleasure and San.  

 

“Hey San, mom wanted me to ask if-” San’s door flies open. Yubin freezes when she walks in, her eyes locking on Yunho and San, their lips still locked together. 

 

They fly apart from each other when their clouded brains catch up to what’s happening, hurrying to wipe at their mouths and pull at their clothes to appear presentable, as if that will change the look of pure shock written on Yubin’s face. 

 

“Yubin what the fuck?!” San barks. 

 

“I could say the same thing to you, San!” Yubin responds, clearly trying to keep her voice down. She closes San’s door behind her, “What the fuck is going on?” She looks between Yunho, who shrinks back into himself towards the corner of the room, and San, who takes a step forward. 

 

“I think you saw pretty clearly what’s going on when you barged in.” San answers. 

 

“Well I’m sorry, but I didn’t exactly expect you two to be tongue fucking in here!” Yubin bites back, neither of them backing down. 

 

“I don’t know why you’re so upset, it’s not a big deal. It’s not like you two are actually dating.” San retorts.

 

Yubin’s brow furrows, her features turning down in anger. “Well maybe I’ll share this little discovery with mom and dad, and we’ll see if it’s a big deal then!” She nearly yells. 

 

Yunho’s heart jumps to his throat. He feels nausea churn in his stomach. This can’t be happening again, he can’t let this happen to San. If only he weren’t rooted in place, paralyzed by memories of loss and fear.

 

“Yubin, don’t. ” San’s words are cold, piercing, laced with warning. 

 

“And you!” Yubin ignores her brother, pointing a finger towards Yunho, “You promised me!”

 

“Hey! Don’t blame this on him, he told you he’d be your pretend boyfriend, and he’s been doing that.” San steps in. 

 

“I should’ve seen it.” Yubin throws her hands in the air, “I should’ve noticed, but I was just in denial because I wanted to… I thought I could..” Her words cut off with a frustrated groan.

 

Yunho finally finds his voice, taking a step forward. “Yubin, what are you talking about?” 

 

“I’m so stupid,” Yubin chuckles humorlessly, “all those times I wanted to talk to you on campus but was too nervous, couldn’t figure out a way to tell you that I like you.” 

 

Yunho’s blinded, staggering in shock. This whole week, he’d never seen anything to suggest that Yubin was looking for more than a pretend relationship from him. He guesses he’s been too preoccupied with San to notice much else. He can’t think of anything to say, can only stare at Yubin, dumbfounded and blinking with wide eyes. 

 

“I thought somehow by you coming here I could finally spend time with you and get closer to you, but instead- and I’m just so.. So fucking stupid! ” She huffs. “And now everything’s fucking ruined.” 

 

“Yubin, you need to calm the fuck down, you’re overreacting.” San says.

 

“Is this why you don’t go home?” She looks straight at Yunho, boring holes through him,  “Because your parents are too ashamed to have you as their son?” She turns her fury on her brother, “Don’t think ours are going to react any different, San.” She spits.

 

Yunho’s throat runs dry at how close to home she hit, how much the reminder digs sharply into his chest and settles underneath his ribs.

 

Before Yunho or San can react, Yubin turns to yank open the door, storming out of the room and down the hall. 

 

“San, p- please don’t let her tell them.” Yunho pleads, his voice coming out small and afraid. San turns to him and nods, looking like he wants to say something, to move closer, but he bites his tongue and follows his sister. 

 

“Yubin, stop!” San calls, closing the door behind him when he leaves. 

 

Yunho hears footsteps receding down the hall towards Yubin’s room, and then there’s silence. 

 

On shaky legs he moves to sit down on the bed, dazed from the onslaught of emotion. He wants to run after San, wants to be there for him, but his muscles are like lead, ice in his veins. He can only focus on his breathing as he waits for San to come back. He takes the lack of audible shouting as a positive sign.

 

Yubin’s words play like a broken record in his head, reminding him why his parents abandoned him, why he was unloved, a disappointment. His fingernails dig into his palms when he thinks about the same thing happening to San because of him.

 

He doesn’t know exactly how much time passes before the door cracks open again, San slipping into the room and closing it gently. Yunho’s grateful that his whirlwind of thoughts dulls to a numb throb at the sight of the other. San walks over to Yunho, sitting next to him and looking at him with remorse ridden eyes. 

 

“She promised she won’t tell my parents anything.” He starts, and Yunho feels like he can breathe a little easier. “She’s not happy, but she’ll calm down.” 

 

Yunho nods, and San raises his hand to put it on Yunho’s cheek, but he hesitates, like Yunho will spook if he touches him. 

 

Yunho leans into the touch, sighing at the contact. It seems like a dam breaks in San, and he crashes himself against Yunho, lays them down on the bed and wraps himself as tightly around him as he can. Yunho just pulls him impossibly closer, breathing deeply when he has San against him.  

 

“I’m so so sorry about all of this.” San says. 

 

“It wasn’t your fault.” Yunho runs his fingers through San’s hair. 

 

“And I can’t believe the awful things she said to you.” San adds.

 

“All I care about is that she doesn’t tell your parents. I can’t let what happened to me happen to you.” Yunho tightens his grip.

 

“I know baby, it’s okay. She won’t tell them.” San nuzzles closer to him.  

 

“I just- I don’t want either of you to get hurt…” Yunho says, “She was so mad, I, I had no idea she felt that way about me.” 

 

“I mean, I don’t blame her.” San smirks. 

 

Yunho smacks him lightly, “I’m serious!” 

 

“Okay, okay. She’ll be fine, she’ll get over it. You didn’t do anything wrong, she’s the only one who needs to apologize.” 

 

“Ugh, how did this turn into such a mess?” Yunho groans.

 

“I’m sorry she made you come here and pulled you into this drama instead of just asking you out like a normal person” San says.

 

“It’s okay, it’s been really nice to have an actual Thanksgiving for the first time in so long. And I’m so glad that I met you and have had you through this shit with my parents.” Yunho’s filled with appreciation for the boy in his arms.

 

“I’m really glad I met you too.” San hums.

 

“I guess we’ll figure everything out tomorrow.” Yunho concludes.

 

“Of course, everything will work out.” San assures him. “But for now, we can always pick up where we left off before she interrupted us.” He looks up at Yunho with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Tempting,” Yunho chuckles, “but I think we’ve had enough excitement for tonight.” 

 

“I guess you’re right.” San concedes.

 

“We should get some sleep.” 

 

“Okay, but only because you’re so comfy.” San yawns, burrowing against Yunho’s chest. “Goodnight baby.” He mumbles, already drifting to sleep. 

 

“Goodnight.” Yunho smiles, kissing the top of the other’s head before he closes his eyes and follows him. 

The next morning is calm, almost too quiet after the disaster that was the night before. Yunho’s sitting cross legged on the bed, his phone in front of him and San’s comforting presence next to him. The bright sunlight spilling in the room brightens Yunho’s spirits in the face of the conversation he’s about to have. He decided to get it over with now, with San by his side rather than wait until he’s alone and allow time to talk himself out of it. 

 

“You can do it, I’m so proud of you.” San rubs his hand over his back. 

 

“I know I’m just being dramatic.” Yunho sighs.

 

“No, not at all. This is a huge step.” San tells him.

 

Yunho nods, taking a deep breath. “You’ll stay?” He asks San.

 

“Of course.” San grabs his hand, holding onto it firmly. 

 

With his other shaking hand, Yunho lifts his phone, clicking on his mom’s number and holding it up to his ear before he can lose his nerve. Every ring drives more doubt into him.

 

“Hello?” 

 

Yunho sucks in a breath. Part of him was hoping she wouldn’t answer. 

 

“Uh, h-hi it’s me.” He cringes at his own inelegance. 

 

“Yunho?” His mom’s voice instantly brightens.

 

“Yeah, hi mom.” 

 

“I’m so glad you called, I’ve felt horrible since our last conversation.” 

 

Yunho glances at San, takes solace in his reassuring smile. 

 

“Listen, about that, I think... I’ve changed my mind. I’ll give you a chance. I’ll meet with you and dad, and we can go from there. I’m still not sure about, any of this, but I’m willing to try. If you are.” He rushes to finish in one breath, holding it once he does. 

 

He thinks he hears his mom sniffle. “I promise, you won’t regret it. We’ve missed you so much, and we’ll make everything up to you. Thank you for giving us a chance.” 

 

“You’re welcome.” Yunho can’t help but feel encouraged by how genuinely relieved she sounds. 

 

“So when can we see you?” His mom asks. 

 

“I’m not sure, I’m not home right now, but I’m going home today.” 

 

“Oh, are you staying with someone?” She asks curiously.

 

“Yeah, I’m staying with my, uh…” he pauses, seeing San’s confused look out of the corner of his eye, “friend, for Thanksgiving.” 

 

“Yunho, you don’t have to lie, we want you to be comfortable being honest with us.” His mom’s voice is soft, gentle, convincing.

 

“Oh.. okay, then yeah, San is more than just a friend.” Yunho admits, smiling to himself. San squeezes his hand lightly. 

 

“And he makes you happy?” His mom’s question throws him off guard, but he doesn’t hesitate to answer.

 

“Really happy. We haven’t known each other that long,” he looks into San’s warm eyes, “but he’s already the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” San’s eyes sparkle as he smiles widely at Yunho’s words, his look of pure happiness making Yunho’s chest feel light. 

 

“He sounds wonderful. We would love to meet him sometime.” His mom says, and Yunho can hear the smile in her voice. 

 

Yunho can’t voice how much that small gesture means to him, but his heart feels full to bursting, and his head feels dizzy with the relief and delight swirling in it.

 

“Why don’t you call me when you get home, and we’ll figure out when we can meet?” 

 

“Okay yeah, that sounds good.” Yunho says. 

 

“I’ll talk to you later then. Goodbye Yunho.” 

 

“Bye mom.” Yunho ends the call, tossing the phone back on the bed. 

 

He barely turns his head before San’s tackling him in a fit of glee. He returns San’s hug with a laugh, feeling more relaxed than he has in years, maybe his whole life. 

 

“You did amazing.” San tells him.

 

Yunho can’t help but preen under San’s praise. “She told me to call her when I get home.”

 

“Are you nervous?” 

 

“Yeah, a little.” Yunho shrugs. 

 

“Well for now, let me take you out to breakfast.” San says. 

 

“Really?” Yunho lights up at the thought. 

 

“Definitely. You deserve it.” San smiles. 

 

Yunho can’t object, and they both get ready before they head out the door. San tells him that there’s a breakfast place close by, so they walk there, hand in hand. The sun warms Yunho, and he admires San’s skin glowing in the light as they talk lightly. The air grows cooler every day, but for the first time in years Yunho doesn’t feel the cold grab him in its suffocating grip. Instead, he enjoys the crisp bite against his nose as they walk.

 

Warmth washes over Yunho when they walk in the restaurant, a bell above the door letting out a ding. They find a table to sit down at before Yunho takes in the small space. The place is homey, with decorations that make Yunho feel like he’ll get his grandma’s cooking no matter what he orders. The cheery atmosphere is topped off with holiday decorations adding color and brightness to nearly every surface. Yunho feels like he could drink a cup of coffee and relax here for hours.

 

However, when he turns back to look at San, he thinks that they could be in Paris, and he’d still find the boy across from him more beautiful than any of their surroundings. He pushes the gushy thoughts aside before he ends up blurting something he probably shouldn’t, and focuses on the menu in front of him. They order their food when the waitress comes, and she leaves with a sly smile and a knowing look flitting between the two of them. Yunho feels his cheeks heat. 

 

They get their food quickly, and Yunho hums around the first bite; it’s even better than he expected. After the first few minutes filled with silence and the sounds of cutlery against plates, San stops eating to look at Yunho. 

 

“Hey Yunho, I- want to ask you something.” He says. 

 

“Okay, of course.” Yunho puts down his utensils to look back at San. 

 

“I was wondering if uh, if you would maybe… want to be my boyfriend?” San avoids Yunho’s gaze, his voice small.

 

“San,” Yunho grabs his hand over the table, making him look up at him with wide eyes, “yes, of course. Nothing would make me happier.” He smiles.

 

San’s resulting smile lightens up the already bright room, making Yunho feel giddy. 

 

“But there’s something else.” San adds, his features falling back to serious.

 

“What’s up?” Yunho asks.

 

“I,” San pauses, eyeing Yunho nervously, “I want to tell my parents about us, about me.” 

 

Yunho thinks he must’ve misheard, hopes he did, his heart rate spiking at the thought. 

 

“But San, we just convinced Yubin not to say anything. I mean you heard what she said, your parents will do what mine did, and I can’t let that happen to you-”

 

“Yunho, baby,” San squeezes his hand as he cuts off his rambling with a gentle tone, “about what Yubin said, she was just upset. I know my parents, and I think they’ll be understanding.”

 

“I just don’t think we should risk it, I don’t want to see you get hurt.” Yunho tells him, looking into his eyes.

 

“I know, but it’s something I need to do. I- really really like you, and I want to be able to be your boyfriend. I want to take you on dates, and brag about you to my friends and family, and bring you home on holidays. I don’t want to have to hide what I feel for you from my own family.” San finishes. 

 

“That’s… really sweet,” Yunho smiles, “but what about Yubin? Telling your parents would mean telling them that me and her were fake, and she might not be okay with that.”

 

“We’ll talk to her about it. But after the way she acted, she might just have to deal with it.” San’s voice firms. 

 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Yunho asks, “My parents took years to come around, and I didn’t think they ever would. Are you sure you’re ready to risk that?” 

 

“I’ve been wanting to come out to them for a long time, and now I have a reason to. I’m sure I’m ready to risk it, for you, for my feelings for you, and for us.” San says. 

 

“As long as you’re really sure.” Yunho nods reassuringly. 

 

“I am. But would you be comfortable being there when I tell them?”

 

Yunho doesn’t need to think about his answer. He wouldn’t leave him alone to face that. “Of course. No matter what happens, I’ll be here for you.”

 

“Thank you.” San smiles. 

 

The two of them return to their meals, and even with the looming threat of telling San’s parents about them, Yunho can’t help but feel elated, still unable to wrap his head around the fact that the breathtaking boy in front of him is his boyfriend, that he gets to call him his.

 

Once they finish eating, they walk back to the house, clasped hands swinging between them. They head up to San’s room when they get there, both of them starting to pack their clothes into their bags. They talk light heartedly while they do, Yunho pointedly not letting himself think about having to say goodbye. Both of their heads turn when they hear a light knock.

 

“Can I come in?” Yubin’s small voice comes through the door. San calls back that she can, and she peeks her head in the room. 

 

“Um, Yunho, do you think I could talk to you out here for a minute?” She asks. 

 

Yunho hesitates, unsure of where his feelings with her stand. He’s still holding onto some bitterness from her stinging words, but he’d also decided that if she apologized, he wouldn’t hold a grudge. Now he just has to follow through on that. San sends him a worried look, but he offers him a small smile.

 

“Yeah, sure.” He tells Yubin, setting down the clothes in his hands and following her out the door. 

 

She leads him to the couch in the loft, both of them sitting down on the couch, Yunho throwing a concerned look towards the stairs.

 

“Don’t worry, they won’t overhear, they’re both still at work.” She tells him.

 

“Oh, okay,” Yunho nods, “so what did you want to talk about?” 

 

“Well, I wanted to start by saying how extremely sorry I am for what I said. That was terrible of me.” Yubin stares down at her lap. 

 

“You were upset.” Yunho doesn’t know what else to say. 

 

“That doesn’t make it okay. I feel awful about it, and I need you to know that I didn’t mean any of it.” 

 

“Okay, well thank you.” Yunho offers. 

 

“I hope I’ll be able to earn your forgiveness. I would really like to be able to be friends someday, but if not I understand.” Yubin says. 

 

Yunho can tell how genuine she’s being, and he trusts that she regrets what she said. 

 

“I would love to be friends.” He tells her, making her face light up. 

 

“Really!? That’s… thank you.” She smiles. 

 

“But there’s something I need to tel you.” Yunho adds, feeling less certain. Yubin looks at him in question.

 

“San wants to tell your parents about us.” He gets out quickly. 

 

“Oh.. is he sure? Are you okay with that?” She asks. 

 

“Yeah, we talked about it, and I’m okay with it. But not until we talked to you though.”

 

Yubin hesitates, her eyes downcast, and Yunho waits patiently for her answer.

 

“I’m a little embarrassed for them to find out I had to lie to them about having a boyfriend, but I started this whole mess, so I won’t stand in the way of it getting fixed and you guys not having to hide your relationship.” She pauses, “Plus, it’s the least I can do to make up for what I did.” 

 

“Okay, well I really appreciate it.” Yunho tells her. “And I’m sorry everything got so messed up.” 

 

“It’s okay, I really am glad that you and San are happy together. If anything, this just goes to show that I should probably find a real boyfriend.” She chuckles. 

 

“Yeah, probably.” Yunho agrees with a laugh.

 

“But Yunho?” Yubin’s voice takes on a more serious tone.

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“I- I know San and I fight a lot, but I really love him, and I don’t want to see him get hurt.” She looks at Yunho pointedly.

 

“I know. Hurting him is the last thing I ever want to do.” Yunho pours every ounce of honesty into his words. 

 

“Good.” Yubin nods. 

 

They both smile in mutual understanding, and Yubin opens her arms. Yunho doesn’t hesitate to step forward into her embrace, wrapping his arms around her. His heart settles into contentment, and when they step back from each other he feels like a weight’s been lifted off of his shoulders now that there’s no animosity between them anymore. 

 

“Now get back to lover boy, and don’t forget to say goodbye before you leave!” 

 

Yubin and San decided to stay with their parents over the weekend before they go back to school, meaning Yunho’s leaving without her tonight.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Yunho waves her off with a chuckle as he walks back to San’s room. The friendly banter feels welcome, almost familiar. He’s relieved that him and Yubin will stay friends. 

 

San rushes over to him when he walks in the room, concern written on his face. 

 

“What happened? Is everything okay? What did she say, did she say anything bad again-”

 

Yunho wraps his arms around San’s neck and pulls him against his chest, effectively cutting off his rant. After a moment of shock San returns the hug, his arms around Yunho’s waist. 

 

“So I take it it went well then?” San asks, amusement in his voice. 

 

Yunho pulls back enough to look at San, his hands still on the back of his neck. 

 

“Very. She apologized for everything and said it’s okay with her if we tell your parents about us.”

 

“I’m so glad.” San smiles, and Yunho can’t help but lean in and kiss it off of him.

 

Yunho sighs at the first touch of San’s lips to his, his fingers slipping up to tangle in his hair. Yunho is content to stand with San in his arms and feel every inch of his smooth lips, his tongue slipping between them.

 

He lets out a whine when San pulls back far too soon, chuckling at Yunho’s attempts to capture his lips again.

 

“As much as I would love to stay here and kiss you breathless, we have packing to finish and an uncomfortable conversation with my parents to have.” San’s thumbs rub into Yunho’s back soothingly. 

 

Yunho grumbles his response, but still detaches himself to put the rest of his clothes in his bag. 

Later in the day, Yunho’s hands are shaking as he sits with San across from his parents in the living room. He’s itching to reach out for San, but he doesn’t know if it’s welcome or not before they’ve told them. San’s parents are watching them with unsure trepidation, having skeptically agreed to sit down with them when San announced that they had to talk to them about something.

 

After moments of silence settling over the room and clouding tension between them, San takes a deep breath. He turns to Yunho and they share a brief look of anticipating acceptance before San faces his parents again.

 

When San starts talking Yunho stills, his breath catching in his throat. He listens as San first explains that Yunho and Yubin were never dating, and that they’d only been pretending. He watches San’s parent’s faces filter through confusion, understanding, disbelief, and a number of others that pass too quickly for Yunho to put a name to.

 

When he’s finished there’s another moment of silence. 

 

“Okay, so why are you here explaining this to us instead of Yubin?” San’s mom asks.

 

Yunho sees San straighten his back, steeling himself for the worst case scenarios in his head. He grabs Yunho’s hand and intertwines their fingers. Yunho holds on to his hand like it’s his lifeline. 

 

“Because this week Yunho and I got together. We’re dating now.” He pauses to take another deep breath, “And something that I’ve been meaning to tell you for a long time is that I’m gay.” 

 

If San’s parents’ faces were a whirlwind of emotion before, now there’s only an eerie calm. Yunho can’t read anything in their expressions, finding only blank calculating stares, and he finds that it unnerves him more than any shouting or cursing could. San’s knuckles are white with how hard he’s clutching Yunho’s hand, but Yunho would never imagine letting go. 

 

“Please say something...” San’s voice is smaller than Yunho’s ever heard it.

 

San’s mom seems to blink herself out of whatever state of shock she was in.

 

“Sweetie, I… I don’t know what to say. This is a lot to take in all at once,” She stops, glancing at her husband next to her, “but I want you to know that you’re still our son and we still love you.”

 

Yunho sees San’s eyes misty with tears. “Thank you.” He says to them, his voice heavy. 

 

Only a second after San’s mom stands he lets go of Yunho’s hand to stand and meet her. Yunho’s chest warms at their touching hug, San holding onto her tightly. He moves to hug his dad next, and Yunho would feel like he’s intruding on the heartfelt moment if San hadn’t asked him to be there.

 

They sit and talk to San's parents for a while longer, answering any questions they have and clearing up everything. While they still seem somewhat unsure, Yunho can see them attempting to understand, to listen. Yunho wishes his own would’ve done the same, but he supposes they’re trying to now, and that’s not worth nothing. 

 

When their conversation comes to a close, there are more hugs, Yunho included this time, and it ends with San and his parents all insisting that San drives Yunho back to school. He eventually reluctantly agrees, and he gets his bags packed into the sleek black car. Yubin joins them downstairs, and more hugs and goodbyes are passed around. 

 

Yunho hugs San’s mom one last time. “Thank you for everything.” He tells her sincerely.

 

“Of course.” She smiles, warm and comforting. Yunho can see San in her smile. “Please don’t be a stranger. You’re welcome here any time.” 

 

By the time Yunho’s seated in the passenger seat of San’s parents' car and they’re driving away from the now familiar house, he feels relief, acceptance, and happiness flood through him. As they’re heading towards where they’ll have to separate, he tries not to let worry over whether or not he’ll get to see San very often while they go to different schools sour the moment. 

 

His hand is snug in San’s, whose other is set loosely on the wheel. Yunho’s watching the setting sun blur outside the window, settling in for the over an hour drive back to campus, but instead of driving straight out of town, San turns and starts to take them down small back roads. 

 

“Where are we going?” He asks.

 

“You’ll see.” San doesn’t look at him, but Yunho sees the excited glint in his eye. 

 

He watches their surroundings as San drives, until the confusion in his head gives way to understanding when he recognizes where they are. They pull up to the lookout they had only days before, only now everything feels different. He follows San to sit on the hood of the car, and he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arm around his shoulders and pull him closer. San leans into him, a content hum in his chest. 

 

“I don’t want you to have to be driving super late..” Yunho says. 

 

“It won’t be that late. And it’s worth it to be able to be here with you.” 

 

“I really do love it here.” Yunho nods his agreement. He looks out at the lights twinkling back at him, picturing his own cramped dorm room in comparison. “I don’t want to go back.” He whines. 

 

“I’ll miss not having to worry about boring classes and homework.” He pauses, fidgeting with San’s fingers in their laps, “I’ll miss you.” He adds in nearly a whisper. 

 

“I know, I’ll miss you too baby,” San tucks his nose underneath Yunho’s jaw, lightly pressing his lips to the skin there, “but I happened to find out that our schools are actually not far away at all, which means that you’ll be stuck seeing me all the time.”

 

Yunho smiles widely, leaning back and bringing his hand up to San’s chin, tilting his head towards him. 

 

“Good.” He hums, and San returns his smile.

 

He closes the gap between them, the gentle press of San’s lips against his warming him from the inside out. He deepens the kiss, memorizing the way San’s hands feel when they pull him closer, the way he sighs against Yunho’s mouth, the shiver that runs through him when their lips slide perfectly together.

 

They part with smiles still on their faces, Yunho overflowing with affection. They shift until they’re laid comfortably, San’s head on Yunho’s chest, their hands and legs tangled. They lay and talk with the stars and the lights as their background, unaffected by the cool air around them. They talk about Yunho’s parents, about their relief over San’s parents’ reactions, about school, careers, goals, plans for the future. 

 

“You’ll have to meet my roommates sometime.” San tells him. “Their names are Wooyoung and Yeosang. They can be a handful sometimes, but they’re great. I know they’ll love you.”

 

“That sounds really nice.” Yunho smiles.

 

When their skin erupts with goosebumps, the clock ticking later and later, they finally decide that they should get back on the road so that San can get home at a somewhat decent time. Yunho’s reluctant to leave San’s side, but the promise of a heater is enough to draw him in, as well as the reminder that he still has the whole car ride with his boyfriend. 

 

He spends the duration surrounded by the warmth of the heater and San’s hand on his thigh. His chest is warmed by the knowledge that he’ll get to see San again soon, and that he’ll maybe even gain some new friends. He hasn’t even begun to dissect what seeing his parents again might be like, the thought sparking both excitement and nervousness. He can’t believe that so much has changed in the short time since he met San.

 

As San drives him home, he feels happier than he ever has, and for the first time in his life, Yunho thinks that he loves the holidays. 

Notes:

Let me know what you thought, thank you for reading!

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Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of Ateez Holiday Oneshots