Chapter Text
donghyuck was feeling… strange. that's the only way he could describe it really. he didn't think anything was particularly wrong at all, he just felt that something was off that's all. and by something, he means someone. and by someone he means the rest of the members of nct 127.
it starts off with little things he notices when he’s with them.
he can be his usual cuddly, lovable self but they don’t seem to be enjoying it as much as usual. just yesterday, he had sidled up to taeyong’s side with a smile, knowing the other boy was stressed out and wanting to give him a little bit of comfort. what did taeyong do? he rolled his eyes . It took donghyuck a bit by surprise, but still he kissed taeyong’s cheek and moved away. clearly he wasn’t in the mood.
another day, he was cuddled up to taeil and the older wasn’t even giving him his usual smile, he barely acknowledged he was there. and don’t get him started on how mark had just simply not been around him at all the past couple of weeks and johnny didn’t even act like he heard donghyuck asking if he could sleep in with him because he was having trouble sleeping.
even jungwoo, the member who was just as affectionate as him was scoffing and sighing every time donghyuck so much as talked to him cutely, let alone getting close enough to touch him. it was strange and it was beginning to make donghyuck feel out of place.
he said as much to renjun while they were out for lunch one day, and while the other showed a semblance of concern for donghyuck’s well being, he chalked it up to them being tired, insisting they probably didn’t mean to push him away.
that didn’t make the rejection he felt hurt less though.
the day donghyuck hit his last straw was the day after johnny had ignored his request to sleep with him for the fourth time that week. he felt awful, hadn’t slept well in days and had gone back to bed with tears in his eyes, that he kept silent, so johnny wouldn’t feel at all guilty for not letting him sleep in with him.
the next morning he woke up and heard more talking in the dorm than usual, figuring the rest of 127 was probably there he begrudgingly dragged himself out of bed. he pulled on some clothes and made his way out of the room, quietly walking down the hall towards the murmurs in the kitchen.
he paused, however, when he heard what they were saying.
“is it just me or is hyuck being extra clingy lately?” he could hear jungwoo say softly.
yuta makes a sound, “fuck, yes, he’s getting so annoying, he literally wouldn’t let go of me yesterday."
"he has been quite… needy." taeyong considers this for a moment before continuing, "it's honestly becoming tedious, i understand him acting like that on camera but it's so draining having him still act like that off camera."
"i think he just needs to grow up a bit," says taeil and donghyuck bites back the tears that are threatening to fall because not taeil too. "he's acting like a spoiled child when it comes to all these hugs."
there's several hums of agreement and jaehyun starts to affirm his own agreement but donghyuck hears enough and he turns and walks back down the hall. heart pounding. their voices ringing in his ears.
needy.
he supposed that was one word for it, except he didn't need the attention and affection per se, he just very much preferred when he was receiving it. and until now none of 127 seemed to mind it. until now.
god, what if they'd always hated it and they've just silently put up with donghyuck for years? what if it's just gotten to a point where they hate him now? what if they're done with him?
he sits on his bed, wills himself not to cry as he tries to think of what to do.
and as if summoned, johnny walks into his room. he gives him a look for a moment then sighs, sits on his own bed. "you okay, you look like you're going to be sick."
on instinct, donghyuck surges forward and tries to curl his body into johnny's lap. he needs the comfort that usually comes from johnny. instead he gets a rough shove off of the older and donghyuck loses his balance and drops to the floor.
"no hyuck," johnny says, and he sounds angry, donghyuck hates it. "you can't keep doing this okay? you being this clingy annoying younger brother it's great for the fans or whatever but it's getting old for me."
for me, he says, but donghyuck knows he means everybody. he heard them in the kitchen. everyone's sick of him.
donghyuck gulps to stop himself from letting tears fall. he nods, doesn't say anything. just gets up and goes to the shower.
and if he spends most of his time in there on the floor crying that's his business.
from then on, he tries so hard not to give the other members any type of affection and they seem happier for it. donghyuck is glad of that, he just wants them happy, even if he's miserable.
if the members notice anything off, they don't show it, and they definitely don't mention it.
--
it's when the dreamies come back from a promotion they were doing without him abroad that donghyuck finally voices his worries. but it's to someone unexpected.
he goes to see renjun. he and renjun have been best friends for forever and the two would often confide in each other, especially if they had issues with their respective dorm mates.
(often, had renjun complained donghyuck's ear off about whatever of jisung's bad habits had him irked this time.)
donghyuck had been holding his fear in for so long he didn't even worry about the fact that the dreamies had another schedule when he headed over. some kind of photoshoot for a magazine he, nor they, really care about.
but he has his own key to the dream dorm, courtesy of jeno, so he lets himself in so he can nap on the couch, away from the awkward atmosphere in his and johnny's room, while he waits for them to come home.
what he didn't expect was to find himself face to face with an equally speechless jaemin who had been dancing around to twice songs in the living room area when he walked in.
donghyuck blinked twice.
jaemin blinked back.
"didn't think i'd see anyone today," jaemin says sheepishly, although he has to speak loud over the chorus to 'likey' that still plays in the background. he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly and seems to alternate between wanting to look hyuck in the eyes and look anywhere else but him .
donghyuck offers the younger a small smile in return. "i didn't know you'd be here today," he counters, making jaemin raise a brow.
"you come here when we're all out often?" he asks lightly, a small grin beginning to grow on his face as he gets over his prior embarrassment. he quickly turns the music off so he and donghyuck can talk easier.
"only when i want to wait for renjun," donghyuck shrugs as he makes himself at home, plopping himself down on the couch so he's laying over all of it. "or to nap." he adds, just for the joke.
jaemin observes him for a moment and worries his lip, trying to get the courage to ask him something.
"yes?" donghyuck asks when he notices, and jaemin regards him again, now with wide eyes. "i can hear you thinking from here."
"you seem off." jaemin says before he can stop himself, and then backtracks when he sees that donghyuck is taken by surprise. "i mean, not in a bad way, i think, just… not yourself?"
"you mean i'm not being annoying and clingy?" donghyuck asks bitterly and jaemin gasps.
he crouches in front of donghyuck's face gingerly with a frown. "hyuckie, of course that's not what i mean, how could you ever think that?"
and donghyuck breaks .
it's weird, relaying all of the events of the past month to jaemin. his constant state of rejection, his feeling unwelcome in his own group.
it's weird because it's jaemin. after debut they'd grown apart, donghyuck attaching himself to renjun and mark, jaemin to jeno and the kids. they were still friends, don't get donghyuck wrong, but the two of them would mostly seek each other out for fun and games. rarely, if ever, would they talk about feelings of all things.
it's weird because jaemin listens. not once does he talk over him, try to tell him he's overthinking, overreacting. he listens, doesn't stop him, invalidate his feelings.
it's not weird, donghyuck concludes as he comes to the end of his rant about the 127 hyungs.
it's actually really nice to have someone listen to the full story before they try to speak over him.
it kind of didn't feel nice to know that he wasn't used to that.
jaemin listens intently to donghyuck's monologue only interrupting to ask an occasional question, usually when it seems he didn't know how to continue. and notably, he moves to sit next to him, grips donghyuck's hand and doesn't let it go. and most importantly, he is focused purely on donghyuck himself.
it feels good .
when the older finishes, jaemin regards him with sad eyes and says one simple phrase. "hyuckie, i'm so sorry."
four simple words that aren't even his to say and yet they make donghyuck feel lighter, even if just for a second.
jaemin furrows his brows and wipes at donghyuck's eyes, that had been brimming with tears for 10 minutes, "i'm so sorry they did that, hyuckie, they really don't deserve you living there."
donghyuck chuckles bitterly and lets out a "sure," that is so full of sarcasm that it immediately makes jaemin feel angry.
not at donghyuck, of course, but at the others, for making him feel like he isn't worth the whole world. jaemin sure felt like he was.
"i mean it, hyuck," jaemin says fiercely, he traces his hand under donghyuck's jaw, pushing lightly to make the older meet his eyes. "please don't let them make you feel like you don't deserve any affection or love."
donghyuck smiles, but it doesn't quite look real and that breaks jaemin's heart a little bit.
"hyuck?" jaemin asks softly and the other hums to acknowledge the questioning tone. "do you want a hug?"
donghyuck blinks in surprise for a second and stares at jaemin, "you… want to give me a hug?"
"only if it's okay with you!" jaemin says quickly, "i don't know if you'd feel weird about it…"
donghyuck talks equally as quick, "no!" he shakes his head, "no, i uh, i like hugs?"
"you don't sound so sure?" jaemin says with a chuckle.
"i'm sure." donghyuck says awkwardly but with a bit more confidence in his voice, "i like hugs."
jaemin smiles and it makes donghyuck's stomach feel weird. the younger manoeuvres him softly so he's cradled in his arms, donghyuck's face nestled into his neck. jaemin rubs his back softly and starts to hum along to something. he smiles when donghyuck realises what he's humming and his chest vibrates with silent laughter.
"twice again?" he mumbles into jaemin's neck, "really?"
"i've got them in my head now," jaemin says casually, "can't think of any other songs."
donghyuck laughs again, this time outloud, and jaemin grins. it's good that donghyuck's even a fraction of the way back to where he was before all of this, but jaemin can feel there's still a block there.
donghyuck sighs into jaemin's neck again. "jaemin?"
"yes, hyuckie?"
"i don't want to go back to the other dorm."
"then don't." jaemin says, going back to rubbing soothing circles into donghyuck's back, "stay here with me for now."
--
hours later, donghyuck stirs from a nap, still firmly held in jaemin's arms. he hears the other dreamies voices from the front door and decides to keep his eyes shut.
the voices stop short when they see them and donghyuck is sure he's probably blushing into jaemin's neck.
"jaemin?" renjun's voice is the first to speak, and donghyuck feels jaemin’s head move, probably to look at them. "is that hyuck?"
"yeah," jaemin's voice sounds gravelly, so he must have fallen asleep too.
"is he…"
"he was upset." jaemin admits softly, "he was waiting for you so i guess he wanted to tell you about it but…"
there's a quiet moment where donghyuck assumes renjun nods and then jisung pipes up, "is hyung okay? his eyes look like he's been crying."
jaemin lets out a little sigh, "he just needs a little bit of affection i think, things are kinda fucked right now. did he tell you?"
"yeah," renjun admits, "i didn't realise it was this bad though."
"don't kick yourself too much, i don't think he was letting on to anyone how bad it was."
"what was it?" jeno speaks now and donghyuck tries hard not to freeze stiff in jaemin's hold.
there's another awkward silence and donghyuck realises neither renjun and jaemin want to speak for him, but they also don't want to leave the other two in the dark.
he realises he should probably let them know he's awake.
"the hyungs upset me." donghyuck says into jaemin's neck before he sits up slightly. he notices he's still clinging to jaemin and jumps to move away but jaemin holds him in place.
"you're not being clingy, hyuck," he murmurs softly, "i want you to cuddle with me." he holds him a little tighter until donghyuck's initial worry dies down and he relaxes back into him.
jeno and jisung both look between the two of them in confusion while renjun just smiles sadly, "donghyuck has it gotten that bad?"
for the second time in the day, donghyuck breaks.
but this time jaemin's a stronger presence. arms circled around him. whispering words of encouragement when donghyuck struggles to get a sentence out.
he explains it in shorter terms this time. mostly explains how much worse it's gotten. he goes into detail he didn't quite go into with neither renjun nor even jaemin earlier that same day.
explains the exact words that have stuck with him since he overheard them in the kitchen. explains the exact way their faces looked when he went near them. explains how much trust has been lost between him and the 127 members. explains that the rejection from mark hurts the most, because he's supposed to be his best friend.
when he gets to johnny pushing him to the floor, jisung has reached his limit. "he pushed you." he shouts as he stands up, face like thunder.
jeno grabs his arm as he goes to leave the dorm, stopping him from doing anything he would regret. though, jeno looked like he was debating going with him, probably to punch johnny square in the face.
renjun is clearly concerned, eyes scanning across donghyuck's body, clearly checking there had been no further physical altercation.
and jaemin… well jaemin was teary eyed, but obviously holding back from completely crying for donghyuck's sake.
"i hate them," jisung says, trying to manoeuvre himself out of jeno's grip, "how dare they act like this with you."
"jisung, it's okay." donghyuck says softly but the youngest scoffs.
"it's not, hyuck," renjun says softly, "you should never make a person feel like this, especially over something this stupid. so you cuddle people a lot, it's not gonna kill us."
"yeah, hyung," jisung agrees, "i always act annoyed when you do that to me, but i actually really love it when you show me affection. you give the best hugs anyway, so i'd never actually push you away…" he pauses for a second then adds, "and since he's not here i'll say for chenle as well that he also loves it."
that makes donghyuck chuckle lightly.
"you really can come to us, whenever you're feeling like this." jeno says with his signature eye smile, "we're your team as much as they are, and if they're not willing to make you feel included, then we'll work double time to make sure you know how special you are to us."
renjun nods and adds with his own soft voice, "and you are special. to us, anyway, so if nobody else can see that, then fuck them."
donghyuck gives the three of them a small smile and jaemin kisses his cheek, to show him just how fine it is to show affection in the dream dorms. "see, hyuckie, i told you. they should never have made you feel like this. especially because, well, theres nothing at all to fix."
after that, jisung moves so he's sat on the couch too, and playfully wrestles with jaemin so that donghyuck ends up pressed between their bodies in a sort of group cuddle that makes donghyuck grin. the widest he has grinned in a long time.
the group prepare for donghyuck to stay there with them for a long time, all the while making sure to be extra affectionate with an uncharacteristically shy donghyuck.
jisung cuddles with donghyuck on the couch while jaemin goes to make dinner.
renjun kisses his forehead after he tells him he spoke to a manager, who will be dropping some stuff over for him to stay for a couple weeks. (he told the manager the bare minimum, so he knows there's a problem but not the extent of it, largely hoping the members of 127 would come to their senses and resolve it amongst themselves.)
jeno, not usually one for affection anyway, ruffles hyuck's hair and gives him small hugs when he can.
and jaemin lets him come up and hug him from behind while he's dishing up their dinner ready to serve. he holds his hand all through dinner, even though it makes it hard for him to eat. and he lets donghyuck stay in his bed for the night, wrapping his arms around him and letting donghyuck bury his head back into his neck.
donghyuck feels at home and safe in jaemin's arms. for the first time in a long time he falls asleep straight away once he settles for the night. falls asleep to the soft sound of jaemin's habitual humming (this time it sounds suspiciously like a britney spears song).
most importantly, donghyuck falls asleep with a smile on his face for the first time in a while.
he still has a long way to go until he fully heals from the humiliation he felt, but he's getting there.
it's a shame this is only the calm before the storm.