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If there was one thing JJ hated about her job, it was the long cases. The cases that went on for days without any new leads appearing, the ones that turned cold, the ones that had the entire team tearing their hair out as they tried to figure out what they could have possibly missed.
She loved being a profiler, she really did, but there were days when she wished she’d chosen an easier job, or even just stuck to being a communications’ liaison. She honestly didn’t think there was anything more frustrating than attempting to profile a killer and failing miserably.
They’d been in Boston for six days. Six days of sitting around and cursing themselves every time a new victim appeared without them being any closer to catching the man responsible for this mess. Six days of JJ going back to her hotel room feeling horrible about herself and wondering what the point of her job was if she couldn’t even catch the bad guys anymore.
She reached her breaking point late on the sixth evening.
The lead detective on the case had insisted on going over the case files with her one more time, focusing on victimology and displaying the crime scene pictures right in front of her, and JJ-
She lost it. She felt tears building up in her eyes even as the detective spoke, and she knew it was only a matter of time before she burst into real, heaving sobs. She needed to get out of the room, of the precinct, of the goddamn city, but she found herself frozen in place. All she could do was stare at the pacing man in front of her as she tried to blink her tears away.
“… alright, Agent Jareau?”
It took JJ longer than she cared to admit to realise that the detective - Ralph, her mind supplied – was talking to her. She’d zoned out of their conversation dozens of minutes earlier and had honestly thought the man had forgotten she was even there.
She’d hoped he’d forgotten about her, because at least she wouldn’t have had to deal with his well-intentioned but completely unnecessary concern.
“I’m fine, Ralph,” she smiled as convincingly as she could manage. If there was one thing dealing with journalists had taught her, it was how to fake a smile even when she felt like screaming on the inside. “It’s just been a long day.”
“More like long week,” the man huffed sympathetically. “I’m sorry for keeping you here so late. I’m sure the rest of your team is already back at the hotel, and we could have just gone over these files tomorrow, I just-”
“You wanted to see if you could stop another murder before it happened,” JJ finished for him. “You don’t need to worry about keeping me here; my team is probably milling around this place doing the same thing as we are. We’ve had a victim every morning so far, so it makes sense for us to regroup and try to figure things out again.”
“We’re not doing a great job of that though, are we?” Ralph mumbled, frustration bleeding into his voice. “Six days, six victims, and we’ve got little to nothing on this bastard. I love this job, but god knows I’d rather not have to deal with monsters like this one.”
“Tell me about it,” JJ sighed, rubbing her face tiredly. “Look, I’m sorry for being so distracted. I wish I could tell you my head was in it right now, but I can’t remember when the last time I slept was and I feel just about ready to pass out.”
She didn’t tell him that the pictures made her feel nauseous, but she figured he would come to that conclusion on his own. After all, they’d all flinched when they’d seen their first victim, and looking at the images over and over again didn’t lessen the horror of the situation. Not to JJ, at least.
“I think I’ll go grab myself a coffee, hope it wakes me up,” the detective said after a few minutes of silent contemplation. “Do you need anything?”
“I’m good, thank you,” JJ smiled, letting out a tiny sigh of relief when Ralph packed up the pictures to take with him. If she’d had to look at them for a second longer, she was almost certain she would have thrown up. “Have a nice evening, alright? Make sure you at least get a little bit of sleep.”
“I could say the same to you,” Ralph raised his eyebrows amusedly, although he smiled at JJ gratefully before walking out of the room.
As soon as he was gone, JJ felt herself slump over in her chair. She hadn’t realised how much tension she’d been keeping in until the man left her alone to stew in her thoughts.
God, she hadn’t felt this anxious and worn out in years.
She wasn’t sure what it was about this case exactly. She didn’t know if the fact that all of the victims were mothers was getting to her, or if she hadn’t gotten enough sleep over the past week, or if she’d finally found the case that would break her, but she was done.
She missed her home, she missed her son, and she missed the joy she felt when she got to wake up in the morning and cook breakfast for the two people she loved most in the world. Her heart felt like it had been hollowed out, and her thoughts were too muddled for her to decipher, and she wanted to sleep or cry or hide in her hotel room until all of this was finally over.
A tear rolled down her cheek, and JJ was quick to wipe it off. The last thing she needed was an officer walking into the room and finding an inconsolable FBI agent crying in their very nice-looking chairs.
“I had a feeling I would find you here. I’ve been looking for you all night, Jen.”
JJ hadn’t realised how much she’d missed that voice in the past few hours until she heard it again. She hadn’t realised how much she needed that voice until it was right there, just a few feet in front of her. She hadn’t realised how much she’d grown to depend on the owner of said voice until she laid her eyes on Emily and burst into tears, public space and fancy chairs be damned.
If someone had asked her right then why she was crying, she wasn’t even sure she could have given them an adequate answer. All she knew was that she was tired and drained and Emily was right there, looking as beautiful as she always did, and JJ couldn’t stop the sobs that slipped past her lips.
Even as Emily’s eyes widened with alarm, even as the brunette rushed to JJ’s side to embrace her carefully, the tears refused to stop coming. JJ couldn’t do anything but melt into Emily’s arms as she cried and hiccupped softly, finally letting out what felt like days of repressed pain.
“I’ve got you,” Emily murmured into her hair, stroking JJ’s back soothingly and rocking them back and forth gently. “I’m right here, Jen. I know it’s hard, okay? I know these cases get to you more than they get to anyone else, and I wish there were more I could do to make things easier on you. I wish I could make all these bad things disappear but, since I can’t, I promise I’ll be right here whenever you need someone to cry to, alright?”
JJ could barely nod through her tears, too busy holding onto the brunette’s shirt and sobbing over how lucky she was to be loved by someone as incredible as Emily. Because even when she felt like she was drowning, even when a case got to be too much, Emily understood. She sat with her and she held her and she never tried to make her feel like her feelings weren’t valid or tell her that everything was alright.
She knew things weren’t alright, but she stayed with JJ anyways. She loved her through all the worst times and never made her feel like she was worth any less just because she broke down sometimes.
And that, more than anything, was why JJ knew Emily was the one for her. It was why she would do everything in her power to be there for Emily the same way Emily was there for her. It was why she would fight for this love every day for the rest of her life.
“Do you want to talk it out?” JJ shook her head rapidly at the suggestion. Maybe in a few days, once the case was over, she would be able to go over it all with Emily. Right now though, talking about it was the last thing she wanted to do. “Alright. Do you want me to distract you, then? Or would you rather just stay here for a while longer?”
As tempting as the last offer sounded, JJ knew that staying in the room all night wouldn’t do her any good. She’d already locked herself in there for hours on end, and she doubted a few hours more would make the negative thoughts go away. A distraction, on the other hand… A distraction might help.
After all, Emily was amazing at taking all the pain in her life and transforming it into something beautiful.
“I could use a distraction,” she whispered into Emily’s neck, knowing the other woman would have heard her despite how quietly she’d spoken. The ability to understand what JJ was saying no matter what was one of her girlfriend’s superpowers
“Fortunately for you, I think I have just the thing to take your mind off all of this bullshit,” Emily winked at JJ, stretching her hands over her head before standing up. “I really need to remember that I’m not as young as I used to be and that I need to stop torturing my back through awkward hugging positions.”
“Only hugging positions?” JJ teased, feeling a smile tug at her lips as Emily turned towards her with a scandalised look on her face.
“You’re really something else, Jennifer Jareau,” she chuckled, holding a hand out for JJ to take. “Come on! I would love nothing more than to distract you, but I can’t do that if you don’t cooperate a little bit.”
“If I must,” JJ breathed out, taking her girlfriend’s hand letting herself be pulled into the brunette’s arms. “Well hello there.”
“Hi,” Emily grinned, booping JJ’s nose softly before pressing their lips together in a tendre kiss. It didn’t last half as long as JJ would have liked it to, but she still smiled lovingly at Emily as she pulled away. “I could kiss you all night, but I really did have something else in mind.”
“Maybe the something else can wait?” JJ pouted, fluttering her eyelashes at Emily pleadingly. “Because as far as distractions go, this one isn’t half bad.”
“Oh, I’m well aware,” Emily laughed. “But my original plan is even better than this, and I would hate for you to miss out on it just because you got caught up in my kisses.”
“Don’t blame me for that,” JJ gasped. “It’s entirely your fault for being so good at kissing. I wouldn’t want to kiss you if you were terrible at it, you know? So really, this is all on you.”
“Of course,” Emily said mock-seriously, pulling on JJ’s arm until she relented and let herself get dragged out of the room. “But I promise this will be worth it. I mean, we’ll probably have a few regrets afterwards, but it’ll definitely be worth it in the moment and I’m almost certain that’s what matters most.”
JJ raised her eyebrows at Emily, wondering what on earth the woman had in mind, but she knew she wouldn’t get anything out of the brunette. If there was one thing Emily loved doing, it was surprising JJ with small things to make her smile. JJ couldn’t count how many times she’d been taken on late-night adventures or surprise dinners, but she couldn’t say she minded.
After all, she loved Emily’s little surprises almost as much as her girlfriend did.
When they stopped in front of the precinct’s entrance, however, JJ felt a small amount of dread bubble up in her chest.
“Please tell me we’re not going outside,” she hissed, narrowing her eyes at Emily when her girlfriend stayed suspiciously silent. “Emily, it’s pouring; we’ll be drenched in less than a second. I don’t know what distraction you have in mind, but I’m not sure it’s worth the change of clothes.”
“Don’t you trust me?” Emily asked innocently, waggling her eyebrows at JJ as she pulled her hood up over her head.
“With my life,” JJ answered immediately. “But with your surprises? Not always, no. Can you promise me that this’ll be worth a trip in the rain?”
“Baby, the rain is the main event,” Emily winked.
Before JJ could ask her what that meant or protest any longer, Emily tugged on her arm hard, laughing delightedly as they stepped outside.
Just as JJ had predicted, they were both soaked to the bone in less than a second, but Emily didn’t seem to care about that one bit. The brunette was grinning like a loon, staring up at the sky as though it held all the answers in the world, throwing her arms out like she owned the entire city.
For a second, JJ wondered what on earth Emily was doing. As far as distractions went, standing outside in the rain wasn’t exactly at the top of JJ’s list. If anything, the rain tended to make her think more, and the last thing she needed at the moment were more thoughts.
But then she looked up, and she lost her breath.
The clouds and rain had obscured most of the sky, but the moon was still shining brightly behind it all, illuminating the falling drops and making them look like tiny crystals. The stars were nowhere to be found, but JJ didn’t think it mattered. Everything already looked magical enough as it was.
“I told you it would be worth it,” Emily smiled smugly. “And we haven’t even gotten to the best part of my plan yet.”
“Oh, there’s parts to it?” JJ chuckled, shaking her head fondly at her girlfriend as Emily nodded and wrapped her arms around JJ’s waist. “Sometimes, I wonder how it is that you know what I need better than I do.”
“It’s my girlfriend superpowers,” Emily grinned, pressing their foreheads together and closing her eyes contentedly. “The best way to keep a girl is to know exactly what she needs at all times. And strangely enough, I had a feeling that a little trip in the rain was exactly what you needed.”
“Well, I can’t say you were wrong about that,” JJ hummed. “Although I may not be as happy about it in the morning when I wake up with a cold.”
“Forget about tomorrow morning,” Emily scoffed. “And focus on what’s happening right now instead.”
“I would, but I don’t even know what is happening at the moment,” JJ pointed out, gesturing between them as best as she could given how little space remained. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ll never complain about getting to stand this close to you, but I’m guessing there was a point to this?”
“Can’t you tell?” Emily pouted, her eyes shining with excitement. “We’re dancing!”
JJ almost burst into giggles at the exclamation, because the last thing they were doing was dancing, but then she realised they’d started swaying and her arms had come to rest on Emily’s shoulders and there was no music, but-
But they were dancing.
They were dancing with the moon as their spotlight and the rain as their only audience, and JJ felt tears well up in her eyes again because everything about this moment was perfect. It was messy and spontaneous and not something JJ would have ever done alone, but it was absolutely perfect.
Emily looked so beautiful, twirling JJ around with a wide grin and speeding their rhythm up until their dance was more of a jig than anything else. She looked like she was having the time of her life but, more importantly, she didn’t take her eyes off JJ for a single second.
Even as they danced, even as the rain slowed down, she didn’t stop looking at JJ. It was as though she wanted to make sure her distraction was working, or maybe as though she physically couldn’t stand to look at anything but JJ. Either way, it made JJ feel more seen than she had all week, and she could feel the tension and worries bleed out of her heart as they spun around to a silent song.
They probably looked ridiculous, maybe even insane, but JJ couldn’t find it in herself to care about any of that. People would think whatever they wanted to think, but JJ wasn’t about to let that ruin her moment with the woman that she loved.
By the time they stopped moving, both exhausted and shivering far too much for comfort, JJ had all but forgotten about the case. With Emily right there, smiling at her like JJ was the only thing that mattered, it was hard to think about anything other than the beautiful brunette.
“Thank you,” she whispered into the night, brushing a dripping strand of hair out of Emily’s eyes. “It’s times like these when I wonder what I ever did to deserve someone like you in my life.”
“You’re very welcome,” Emily answered just as quietly. “And for the record, we both deserve each other. You’re a wonderful woman, Jennifer Jareau, don’t even try to argue with me on that.”
“Oh, I won’t,” JJ blushed. They’d had that argument enough times in the past for JJ to know she wouldn’t win it. “But still, thank you. I love you very much, Emily.”
“And I love you more, Jen,” Emily smiled, leaning in to kiss JJ gently.
They lingered outside for a few minutes longer, kissing and dancing under the rain, enjoying each other’s company for the first time in far too long. They ended up soaking and freezing and more than a little uncomfortable, but Emily had been right to say that it would be worth it.
“Do you think… Do you think we could do this again, someday?” She asked hopefully, blinking up at Emily through her raindrop-covered eyelashes.
“Of course we can,” Emily murmured. “Someday, and as many times as you want for the rest of our lives.”