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Anger coiled through Katara's chest as she scowled at the sleeping, defenseless firebender. Zuko lay on his side with his arms curled near his head, deeply unconscious after a long day of training with Aang. Everyone, save for Katara and Sokka, lay asleep around the campfire. Katara was still floored that everyone was at peace enough around Zuko to fall asleep near him. Ever since he helped Sokka save their dad and Suki, everyone seemed to trust him. Almost everyone seemed to genuinely like him now. As an actual person. At the very least, no one was suspicious of him—except Katara. She knew better.
"You need to lighten up, Katara," Sokka said from beside her, as if he had been able to read her mind. He was carefully examining his boomerang as if something could have happened to it in the two weeks it hadn't been used. "He's not going to kidnap Aang in the middle of the night or anything," he assured his sister with a wave of his hand.
"I wouldn't be so sure," she muttered. "I don't trust him."
Sure, the others may trust Zuko now, but they didn't know him like she did. She saw in that underground cave how quickly his motives could change if given the right opportunity. And she knew just how violent and angry he could be. How the others had erased 'old' Zuko from their minds—namely Aang and Sokka—was beyond her. Nobody can magically 'change' the way he did. Zuko had caused them enough suffering, and Katara was not about to let him cause any more.
Sokka sighed as he flopped down in his sleeping bag. "Fine. Think what you want," he paused before flippantly adding, "You guys are gonna be around each other for a while, so you might as well learn to tolerate him."
Although Katara's brother's words were said kindly, all they did was manage to make her even angrier. As Sokka's breathing evened out and mingled with everyone else's around them, Katara continued to glower at Zuko.
Katara heard a whimper from the firebender as he gave a little twitch.
She turned around and fell asleep.
The next night, Katara was washing the dishes after dinner.
"Do you need a hand?" rasped a deep voice from behind.
She halted her dishwashing and whirled around to face Zuko. "With what?"
"Uh, the dishes?" he responded, suddenly seeming unsure of himself.
"Why would I need help with such an easy task?" she snapped. "I doubt you've washed a single dish in your life, and I don't feel like teaching you how to do basic chores at the moment."
"Look, I'm just trying to help out around here! And I know how to do chores!"
Katara glared into Zuko's burning gold eyes with her icy blue ones. "You're only here to train Aang. Just stay out of my way and there won't be a problem."
"There already is a problem," Zuko countered with a step forward.
She waterbent a razor-thin whip and lashed it at Zuko's face. The whip lost its form and splashed onto Zuko's clothes, but not before it managed to cut a thin red line right underneath his scar. Katara stared in horror as it welled up and slowly began to drip blood. Zuko brought a hand to his face, disbelief shining in his eyes as his fingers smeared scarlet across his cheek. After a few more seconds of stunned silence, he left without another word.
A weight settled in Katara's gut. How had she lost control like that?
That same night, everyone but Katara and Toph was asleep around the campfire. Katara hadn't been able to stop stressing about the shortage of food and had gotten out of her sleeping bag to see exactly how much was left.
"So...any idea how Zuko got that cut, Sugar Queen?" Toph asked from her place on the ground, hands behind her head.
Annoyance rose inside Katara upon hearing the sarcastic nickname, and she fought to control it as she continued to go through their remaining food. Someone had obviously mentioned the scratch on Zuko's face to the blind earthbender. "Why are you asking me about it? Zuko and I aren't exactly close."
"I'm asking you because when we asked Zuko about it, he lied. Why would someone lie about something as dumb as a cut?"
Katara paused her food rationing. "Are you trying to imply that I did it?"
"Did you?"
Katara considered her options. She could try to lie, but that was pointless considering Toph could monitor heart rate. Katara's only option was to tell the truth. "I kinda did it."
"You only did it partially?"
"Well, it was his fault," Katara clarified.
Toph waited for Katara to say more, but nothing followed. "How?"
"He was getting on my nerves, okay?" She began to sort food again, but it was more aimless than it was effective now.
"Sooo...he didn't actually do anything?"
"Not at that exact moment," Katara all but spat. "But he's done more than enough in the past to deserve a little scratch."
So maybe Zuko didn't do anything to justify a water-whip to the face at that specific point in time. But after everything he had put them through over the past year, he had it coming. The pain she had caused him didn't even scratch the surface of the pain he had caused almost everyone currently residing at the Western Air Temple. How dare he just waltz over and ask to help with the dishes as if this situation was totally fine and normal?
How dare he act as if he actually woke up one day inexplicably "good" all of a sudden after several months of being a fire-breathing nightmare that repeatedly wreaked havoc on their lives? Zuko— that traitorous, malicious, immoral, double-crossing worm of a Fire Nation prince asking to help clean dishes? Yeah, right. Katara wasn't about to fall for this nice act and basically consent to being betrayed all over again.
Katara and Toph’s stiff, uncomfortable conversation came to an odd stopping point as someone around the campfire let out a low and drawn-out moan. Bewilderment shot through Katara as she looked over at the sleeping bodies to try and decipher who it had come from. There was only a slight pause before an unholy shriek split the air— the campfire shot towards the sky with a crackling whoosh and everyone bolted upright in their sleeping bags. Only Chit Sang and Zuko remained horizontal, but the latter lay writhing on the ground, hands desperately clawing at his face. Several people hurriedly got to their feet, and Katara could sense their hesitation in that brief moment before anything else ensued. How does one wake a firebender in the midst of a nightmare without getting burned?
Zuko let out another earsplitting scream, voice going hoarse with the strength of it, and his fingernails began to dig viciously into the skin of his face. Katara watched in a slight stupor as her father and Toph (when had they moved?) crouched down next to Zuko. (Katara wants them to move away, move, move. He could burn them.) They cautiously reached out to touch the firebender, and something twisted inside Katara as Zuko let out a startlingly loud, terrified sob. (What? Tui and La, what is happening?) He flinched into a tighter ball on the ground, nails raking at his scar.
"Stop!" Zuko panicked hoarsely as Hakoda's hands found Zuko's wrists. The firebender kicked out violently and his leg connected harshly with Hakoda, knocking the man to the ground but not managing to dislodge Zuko's wrists from his iron-like grasp. It looked as if they were engaged in a deranged wrestling match— Zuko's body was twisted, arms outstretched and locked in place by Hakoda, who was straining to get him under control as he thrashed.
Katara's dad shook Zuko roughly by the arms, "ZUKO!"
Five minutes ago, Katara would have given anything to see her dad jerk Zuko around. But it just felt... odd to see now. There was no satisfaction at the sight, and that in itself made Katara feel strange. Was this pity she was feeling for the firebender? Empathy? Did he really deserve these feelings after all the things he had done? Katara hated this display of vulnerability. Someone like him shouldn't even have (or deserve to have) a vulnerable side. Katara was having a difficult time acknowledging that pissed-ponytail-guy and screaming-in-his-sleep-guy were the same person.
The raging campfire suddenly died down to a whimpering flame as another desperate, grating sob escaped the firebender's lips. Katara's father lessened his grip on Zuko as the firebender ceased resisting. Zuko seemed to sag into himself, his limbs lost the tension they had been thrumming with, and Hakoda struggled to prevent Zuko from hitting the ground as the firebender's body went completely lax.
"Zuko? Are you awake?" Hakoda questioned as he practically cradled the firebender.
Katara's ire rose as she watched her father be gentle with him. Just a moment ago, she hadn't liked seeing her father jerk Zuko around, even though the intentions behind it were good. Katara wasn't sure if her father's goal was to help Zuko, help everyone else, or both. Whatever it was, his intentions were good, but Katara wanted him to stop. And perhaps that was selfish of her. But she had already healed Toph from Zuko's self-defensive firebending, and she wasn't about to let him harm her dad too.
There was a small part of Katara that truly felt some form of empathy towards the firebender after his display of vulnerability. That small part of her though would not allow her to stand by as her dad put himself at risk. So Katara tried to squash down her empathy for Zuko and drowned it with her feelings of anger and protectiveness. Just as she was halfway from her original spot to her dad and Zuko, she heard the firebender utter something and she stopped, curiosity taking over her like how the spirits in stories sometimes possess people's bodies.
"What?" Hakoda asked as he lowered his head to better hear Zuko's pathetically quiet words.
"Let go," came a small voice so unlike any side of Zuko that Katara had ever witnessed. Zuko detached himself from Hakoda's loosened grip and just sat there on the dusty, stone ground, his eyes almost vacant as he gathered his bearings. The red scratches his fingernails had etched into his face were a glaringly apparent contrast to his pale skin.
Katara could practically feel Zuko's embarrassment as his coherency returned. His eyes darted up once, saw that he had absolutely everyone's attention, and he suddenly seemed to find his clenched fists in his lap very interesting.
There was an excruciatingly uncomfortable silence before Zuko staggered to his feet, only saved from face-planting because Sokka had shot forward to steady him.
Zuko wrenched his arm from Sokka's stabilizing grip, "Don't!" The firebender stumbled farther away. "Don't touch me!"
"Now, son," Hakoda stood and reached out to put a hand on Zuko's shoulder, "You were having a nightm—"
"Son?! I'm not your son!" Zuko jerked out of Hakoda's grip.
"I know that," Hakoda assured him, confusion in his tone. "That's just-"
"What in Agni's name is happening?! Stop touching me!" Zuko moved away again. He just stood there for a moment, breathing, before pressing the heels of his hands into his forehead. "I'm— I don't, I can't..." He struggled with his words, hands still pressed to his face. There was a tense pause. "I just. Need to be alone."
There was a painfully drawn-out silence as everyone watched Zuko make his way towards the temple in a way that Katara couldn't help but compare to the quick exits of stray cats that she saw in the Fire Nation. When he was out of sight, the silence lasted only a few more seconds before Sokka broke it.
"What just happened?" He asked, dumbstruck.
"Yeah, Katara? What just happened?" Toph questioned accusingly.
"What?! How is this my fault?"
"Well, I couldn't help but notice that he was clawing at his face! In case you forgot, you literally attacked it earlier!"
"How was I supposed to know he'd get a nightmare from that?!" She pushed down her guilt.
"What does Toph mean by you attacked his face?" Katara's dad asked, the beginnings of displeasure in his tone.
Katara felt heat gather in her cheeks, defensiveness, embarrassment, guilt, and regret all battling inside of her. "I got... mad at him earlier, and... waterbending was involved."
"So you just attacked his face?!" Sokka burst out. "Tui and La, Katara, have you seen his face? It's no wonder he freaked!"
"There's definitely a lot of trauma there," Aang stated grimly.
"What's wrong with his face?"
Everyone's eyes turned to Toph. The blind earthbender's stance was angry and tense as she waited for a response.
"Well...he, uh..." Sokka began hesitantly before trailing off.
"He has a huge scar on his face!" The Duke said loudly enough that Katara worried for a moment that Zuko could've heard. She caught Aang and Sokka glancing in the direction that Zuko had escaped.
"A scar?" Toph repeated, face scrunched up in bewilderment. "Does anyone know how he got it?"
"I heard that—"
"Actually no," Toph cut off Haru. "That doesn't matter right now. I'm gonna go find Sparky."
"I don't know, Toph... Zuko said he needed to be alone," Aang said rather unsurely. "Maybe this is how he deals with stuff? I don't want to upset him."
"He already is upset," Toph insisted. "And trust me, the way his heart is acting right now, I doubt he'll be feeling better any time soon." The little earthbender set off to find Zuko.
"His heart?" Hakoda whispered to his son as Toph strode away.
"Blind earthbending prodigy stuff," Sokka answered casually. "I've learned not to question anything, dad."
"Right..." Katara and Sokka's dad muttered as he rubbed absentmindedly at his chin. "Well, everyone, I think we should all try to get some shut-eye." He glanced over at the only person who was still asleep. "I don't know how Chit Sang managed to stay asleep through all this, but he's got the right idea," Hakoda paused. "...Actually, Sokka, make sure he's still alive, please. Katara, come over here with me."
Katara hesitated before following her dad to a spot that would be out of earshot. When he finally stopped and turned to look at her, the fire behind them was far enough away that his face was almost consumed by shadows. His disappointment hung thick in the air between them and threatened to smother Katara.
"I know you don't like Zuko," he said slowly. "Which is understandable, given your history with him. And I know it can't be easy to see him as one of the good guys after everything he's done."
Goosebumps broke out across Katara's flesh as a breeze blew through the temple and she hugged herself tightly. She refused to look directly at her dad.
"But you can't do this, Katara. You can't just attack people for things they did in the past."
"The past? You mean a few months ago?"
"Yes, Katara, the past."
"So, you just want me to forget everything he's done to us?"
"That's not what I said, Katara. People should always be held accountable for their actions," her dad took a breath. "But I can see that Zuko is trying his best to right his wrongs. Sokka, Aang, and Toph seem to have forgiven him. I think you should give him a chance."
"I gave him a—"
"Katara. I'm up-to-date on everything, remember? No one is excusing what he did. But you can't continue to punish someone who is trying to make up for the things he did in the past."
Katara's fingers dug into her arms and she pursed her lips as she looked down at her bare feet. Emotions fought for dominance, but it was as if each one was a color in a kaleidoscope that she was turning at warp speed like the time she had done in a gift shop in Ba Sing Se. Her dad's hand wrapped around her shoulder and she looked up into his shadowy face.
"I think you know what you need to do," her dad said.
Katara did.
She found them sitting outside, two floors up. Illuminated by the moonlight, Zuko was slumped forward on a stone bench with his elbows on his knees and hands fisted in his hair. Beside him sat Toph who, for once, looked a little out of her element.
"Hey, Sugar Queen," the earthbender greeted instantly, her tone not particularly friendly. "What are you doing? Not here to make things worse, I hope?"
Clenching her teeth, Katara tried to rein in the surge of irritation. "I was going to offer to heal you. Zuko, I mean." She remained awkwardly in the archway, not knowing if it would make things worse to move closer.
"Wow! Katara is extending an olive branch, Zuko! Do you accept?"
Silence. It started to stretch on a little too long for Katara's liking, and she began to back away into the temple, a feeling she couldn't identify rising inside her.
"Yes." Zuko straightened from his position on the bench and didn't turn all the way to face Katara, but he did twist a bit to direct his voice towards her. "Thank you."
Katara edged towards Zuko and Toph, heart thrumming in her throat as her brain struggled to play catch-up. Her very first emotion towards Zuko, in the South Pole, was hate, and that had seemed to last for a very long time. Then, in Ba Sing Se, in the span of less than a day, she went from being empathetic towards him to utterly loathing him. Then he came to the Western Air Temple claiming to be "good now" and everyone just accepted it. It made Katara excessively question everyone's sanity to the point that she began to question her own.
She sat beside Zuko on the stone bench, the heat of his body somehow making her uncomfortably aware of the fact that he was a living, breathing person and not just some evil force hellbent on hurting Aang and betraying them all. She squashed down her nervousness and angled her body to face him. When he didn't follow suit, Katara reached out to gently turn his stiff frame. In the moonlight, Zuko's features looked grey and the scratches looked black. Katara, still observing the wounds in the dim light, unconsciously uncorked her water-skin and bent the water into a healing glove around her hand.
As soon as their skin touched, her hand on his face, her thumb across his lips, Zuko's eyes fluttered shut. Katara couldn't help but think back to the cave under Ba Sing Se. She heard him hum in contentment at the feeling of cool water on inflamed wounds, and the liquid began to glow blue as it sealed the gouges in his skin. Her fingertips grazed the rippled, taut flesh around Zuko's eye, and she barely noticed the water dripping to the firebender's lap once the healing was complete. Her heart stuttered in her chest and her mouth went dry as Zuko’s eyes drifted open to meet her own. (What is this? Why does Katara feel like this? She doesn’t even like Zuko.)
"Geez, you both need to calm down."
Zuko and Katara flinched, Toph's voice breaking through the trance they had been in. Somehow, Katara's left hand had found Zuko's right shoulder, fingers digging into muscle. She let go quickly and hated the way her eyes darted back to Zuko's before she quickly averted her gaze.
"Thank you," Zuko murmured. "For healing me."
"You're welcome," Katara returned, equally quiet. "...I also want to apologize."
Zuko's head twitched toward her, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What— what for?"
"For hurting you earlier," Katara explained, staring at her tightly clasped hands in her lap. "I've just been so angry at you for everything you've done in the past, and I...I don't know. I lost my temper. I'm sorry."
"Agni knows I've lost my temper enough times to deserve being on the receiving end of someone else's. It's fine."
Katara hadn't expected the apology to be that easy. "What I did, though—is that what caused," she hesitated, "your nightmare?"
Zuko froze before letting out a harsh breath, pressing his fingers deeply into his temples as he leaned forward to talk to his knees. "Agni, I can't believe this is happening."
"Does it have to do with your scar?" Toph asked.
Zuko didn't answer immediately, but Katara could sense his discomfort skyrocketing by the way his shoulders inched towards his ears and the way his head bowed closer to his knees. He seemed to just breathe for a minute, willing himself to relax so he could answer Toph's blunt question. Katara fought the urge to place a supporting hand on Zuko's back, still not sure enough about her feelings toward him to know if she actually wanted to comfort him or if it was just her natural instinct to comfort a hurting person.
"Yes," Zuko finally said.
"Did a waterbender give it to you or something?" the earthbender questioned.
"What?" Zuko sounded surprised and slightly amused at the prospect. "No. It's a burn scar."
Toph flinched a bit, pressing closer to Zuko. To be permanently mutilated by your own element is a devastating concept that wasn't exactly a common occurrence. From the moment Katara set eyes on Zuko, she had wondered how a firebender could have let fire wound him so extensively. And in the Fire Nation, surprisingly, Katara had seldom seen any burn scars. Especially ones as extensive as Zuko's.
"Training accident?" Toph guessed in a soft voice Katara had never heard before.
"No," Zuko raised his gaze to the night sky. He didn't offer any explanations, and the three of them sat in a solemn silence. It didn't last very long because Katara's brother found them.
Sokka's voice rang out across the clearing, loud and happy and carefree and it gave Katara whiplash. "Hey, guys! Just makin' sure nobody, you know, died or anything. With you guys hating each other and all." Aang and Suki had also tagged along.
Katara and Zuko stood in unison, both defensively shouting things along the lines of "Why would you think anyone would be dead?!"
"No reason," Sokka waved a hand at them breezily, "Just making sure."
"So you just thought I'd come up here and kill Zuko? Tui and La, is that what you think of me, Sokka?!" Katara's brain was so scrambled and fried that Sokka's (partial) joke was lost on her, rage bubbling up at his words.
"Do you really think we're that violent and irresponsible?!" Zuko shouted.
"Do you really want an answer to that, Zuko?" Suki asked icily.
"Look, I'm really sorry about your village—"
"Sokka, did you really think I was coming up here to hurt Zuko?!" Katara demanded.
"I mean, with the way you've been acting..."
"Stop it, you guys!" Aang shouted, uncharacteristically angrily as they all continued fighting. "Stop! I can't handle this right now!"
"Stop what, Avatar Aang?" Zuko turned to glare at the airbender, "Fighting?" He stepped closer to the young monk, jabbing a finger into his chest. "If you can't handle this, what are you going to do when you face my father?" His expression was a picture of fury and his eyes were lit like golden flames.
Aang's face twitched in a way that Katara could only read as surprise. "What do you mean?"
"Do you plan to have a talk with him?" Zuko sneered, "Because I can assure you he won't listen."
"Maybe he will listen. If I explain things to him, he might understand. I mean, I'm the Avatar, so—"
"HE DOESN'T CARE!" Zuko shouted, his voice echoing around the temple. "He doesn't care that you're the Avatar, and he doesn't care that I'm his son!" His outburst seemed to stun both him and everyone listening.
Katara suddenly realized that this conversation wasn't just about war. Part of her wanted to be upset at Zuko for shouting at Aang, but the raw emotion in his voice made it difficult.
"Sorry. I shouldn't have, what I meant was," Zuko tried to backtrack, "you can't just... talk to him and expect him to even try to understand where you're coming from. He hasn't even granted me that right, and I'm his son."
Although Aang knew convincing the Fire Lord to stop his reign of terror wasn't a realistic option, (Katara and Sokka had to tell him this many times at the beginning), he still looked crestfallen at having Ozai's son confirm this. "Well... what should I do then?"
"You have to take him down."
"And by that you mean," Aang struggled to say it, "...kill him?"
Zuko's hesitation was almost indiscernible. "Yes, Aang."
"You hesitated!" Aang jumped at the slim chance of someone agreeing with his no-kill policy.
"No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did!" Aang insisted excitedly. "You hesitated because he's a human being and your dad, and he doesn't deserve to die!"
"No, I hesitated because I spent my whole life utterly and idiotically loyal to an evil man. But I'm not anymore," he added with a glance at Katara. "If anyone deserves to die, it's him."
"How can you say that? He's your dad! Surely you love him enough to not wish death on him!"
"Agni, Aang! Shut up!" Zuko sat down heavily on the stone bench and buried his face in his pale hands.
Katara admired Aang for his gentle soul, but as the Avatar, it was his duty to bring peace and balance. It wasn't fair that this war was happening, it wasn't fair how many people it had hurt, and it wasn't fair that Aang had to go against what the Air Nomads taught him.
But he had to take the Fire Lord's life. If he didn't, there would always be that terrifying possibility of Ozai somehow rising to power again. If the Fire Lord's own son supported his demise, surely he could convince Aang.
"It took me a long time to accept that my father is evil," Zuko began as he looked up, "Not just bad, but evil." He crossed his arms tightly, as if angry, but Katara suspected it was to comfort himself, judging by the hunch of his shoulders. "Look, Aang. I don't think you should base any big decisions on anything I say. Or, at least, the big decisions concerning my father. I'm not sure I can be objective about it."
"Is anyone totally objective anymore?" Sokka questioned seriously. "Most people have been hurt personally by the war at this point. And, apparently, that includes you. If anyone can persuade Aang to kill the Fire Lord, it's the Fire Lord's son! So, tell Aang why he's a terrible dad or something."
"You're asking me to talk about my home life? How is that going to convince Aang to do anything?"
Sokka shrugged. "We're just proving to Aang that the Fire Lord has no redeeming qualities, I guess."
"What— no! I don't want Aang to base a decision like this on domestic abuse! It needs to be based on the danger he poses to the world!"
His words, said so offhandedly, burned hotly in the air like sparks before turning to cold ash on Katara's skin. She no longer knew where the sky was or where the ground was because the temple was upside-down and hanging from a cliff, and because they were standing on the underside of a roof, and because Zuko said he was abused.
“Abuse?” Katara repeated the word like she had never heard it before.
Only two or three times had she ever heard it, and each time she had wanted to close her ears and shut off her mind. Gran Gran had told Katara once that one of the women in the village was being abused by her husband, and that’s why she hadn’t seemed too sad when the village caught word that he had been killed during an attack on a small Fire Nation unit.
“What does domestic abuse mean?” Aang asked innocently, as if moments ago he and Zuko hadn’t been arguing.
Zuko looked as if he had been slapped. “It’s... uh. Well.”
He stared at Aang. Aang stared back. Everyone else stared at them. Baderfrogs croaked loudly in the distance.
“My father was never...nice...to me.”
“I’m sorry, Zuko. That’s terrible,” Aang said sincerely as he reached forward to grasp Zuko’s shoulder comfortingly. “So domestic abuse is when you have a mean father?”
“...In a sense.”
“That stinks that your dad is mean to you, Sifu Hotman, but I can’t just go around killing people that aren’t nice.”
Zuko was silent.
“I mean, imagine if I just killed people for not saying thank you, or people who don’t say sorry when they bump into me.”
“...Right.”
Aang patted Zuko’s arm cheerily before beaming at everyone. “I’m glad we settled this then!”
“Aang, abuse is more than just being mean,” Katara informed quietly when she found her voice, eyes on Zuko’s stiff form. She had never been under the impression that the Fire Lord was a good father, but her mind was still reeling at how casually Zuko had said domestic abuse. “It’s more aggressive. More... violent.”
The airbender’s head whipped towards Zuko, distressed. “Your dad was violent towards you?”
When Zuko’s blank stare prompted Aang to repeat his question, Katara saw the firebender blink himself out of a trance. “...You don’t know?”
“Know what?”
“How do you not— what? How do you not know?” Zuko was at a complete loss for words, and Katara wondered why he thought everyone was privy to the Fire Lord’s parenting tactics.
Aang glanced at Sokka and Katara, frowning when they both shrugged at him. “Why do you think we should know?”
“Because everyone knows! Everyone!” Zuko shouted, hysteria creeping into his words. “Everyone! Knows!”
Hands reached out placatingly as Aang tried to reason with Zuko. “Okay! Alright, I’m sorry! But we don’t know. Would you mind telling us what you think we should know?”
The firebender’s face was as pale as snow in the moonlight, and his mouth worked soundlessly before rasping the words out through a tight throat. “My father burned and banished me."
Katara went ice-cold just as Sokka asked the dumbest question in the universe.
“Burned you? Where?”
His words were not said unkindly, but it was not the right thing to say at all.
Because Zuko snapped.
“Use your fucking eyes, Water Tribe!”
Sokka flinched back at Zuko’s rage and averted his eyes, as if Zuko’s face was suddenly painful to see. “You mean...?”
“Do I have to spell it out for you, Sokka?! Look at me!”
The firebender proceeded to invade Sokka’s personal space to grab him harshly by the shoulders, pressing his face closer when Sokka refused to look upon him.
“This was your idea, Sokka! You wanted me to tell Aang about how terrible my father is! He melted half my fucking face off! Are you scared of it now?!” He shook Sokka. “LOOK AT ME!”
Surging forward to save both her brother and the firebender, Katara grasped Zuko’s tense bicep and pulled him away from Sokka. He allowed her to do so easily and stumbled slightly, feet lacking coordination and almost stepping on Katara’s. To steady himself, Zuko’s hand gripped her arm, warm, calloused fingers pressing tightly into the coolness of her skin.
When Sokka raised his eyes, he recoiled at Zuko’s burning glower.
“I’m not scared of your face,” Katara’s brother uttered. “It’s just...”
“Just what?! Hard to look at now?!” Zuko exploded when Sokka trailed off.
“I mean— no! It’s just... your own dad...”
“Were you expecting Aang to be the only one uncomfortable with this conversation?! You asked for this,” Zuko grit out between clenched teeth, letting go of Katara’s arm to savagely point at Sokka. “You don’t get to look away!”
The firebender’s breath stuttered out of him in erratic pants, chest heaving as he continued to glare dangerously at Sokka. When Zuko finally turned away, Katara’s chest clenched painfully at the sight of tears glistening in his eyes. Face contorting with bone-deep agony, the firebender gasped in a desperate breath before addressing Aang.
“You want to know what domestic abuse is, Aang? My father,” he spat the word like it was a curse, “treated me like dirt. Like shit. Every vile thing he said to me was as painful as the last. All he ever did was spit on who I was, and I believed everything he said because he’s my father." Tears began to fall as he paused, and the silvery tracks on his cheeks cut into Katara like knives. The memory of suffering echoed across his features, remembered hopelessness like ghosts in his eyes.
“He constantly tore me down because I wasn’t talented enough or ruthless enough. And once he thought the verbal assaults weren’t enough anymore, the physical ones began. He tried to teach me to be more like Azula, but all he did was teach me to hate myself!”
Aang was rushing forward before Zuko had even finished, and he wrapped his thin arms around the firebender's midsection. The others stared with uncomprehending shock.
Zuko struggled to keep his composure, hands pressed to his eyes, breath hitching erratically. "Sorry," he choked out, a humorless laugh bubbling up out of him.
There was a short but agonizingly tense silence that followed.
"You need to sit down," Toph advised quietly as she moved forward to grasp at Zuko's elbow.
Aang let go when the older boy quickly sank to his knees. Zuko's face twisted behind his hands as everyone moved to sit around him. A yawning emptiness had opened up inside Katara, clawing away at her insides until she felt like a hollow, rotting tree. (Why is pain everywhere?)
"I’m sorry,” the firebender's voice was almost a whisper as his hands dropped to his lap. "I got carried away. Sorry."
"There’s no need to apologize," Aang said quietly as he gripped Zuko's arm comfortingly. And then, even quieter, he asked: "Do you still hate yourself? Now?"
A pause.
"Not really. Not... anymore. I hate that it took me so long to do the right thing. I hate how long it took me to see my father for who he truly is."
"So... why did your dad...you know?" Toph was wiping at her wet face with dirty hands, leaving faint streaks of mud.
"Toph," Aang reproached. "You can't—"
"No, it’s... it's fine. I was burned and banished for speaking out of turn in a war meeting."
"...What did you say in the war meeting?" Sokka asked with no tact at all. "Not that there's a good reason for mutilating and banishing your child."
"Sokka!" Everyone but Zuko scolded at once, some even whacking him violently.
"What?! I said there isn't a good reason!"
"I spoke out against a general's war tactics," Zuko answered without reacting to Sokka’s rather blunt phrasing. "He wanted to use an entire division of inexperienced soldiers as bait. I told him that was wrong."
"...And then?" Sokka prompted.
"That's it."
"What?!"
"Well," Zuko conceded, "I told him that would be betraying the soldiers."
"What?!"
"What exactly are you saying "what" about, Sokka?!"
"Why did you get in trouble for that?" Aang leaned towards Zuko. "You were right."
The firebender looked at Aang, eyes dull. "Yeah, well. Not to the generals. Not to my father."
"But... I don't understand. How did your dad end up...?"
"I'm getting there," Zuko snapped at Aang. "This isn't exactly easy to talk about!"
Suki touched Zuko's hand. "You don't have to."
"No, I do have to!” He yanked his hand away viciously, as if her touch burned. “Aang doesn't understand my father! The Fire Lord won't listen to suggestions about peace! He doesn't have a peaceful bone in his body! You can't just... have a talk with him, Aang! He doesn't exactly have a moral compass! When I spoke out of term in the war chamber, against an evil plan, my father said that I had to participate in an Agni Kai. I was thirteen. The general I had insulted looked old and frail, so I was confident I'd be able to defeat him. But when I showed up to the Agni Kai and turned to face my opponent, it was my father."
Katara saw Aang grasp Zuko's wrist and Sokka grip Zuko's shoulder. Toph had moved to lean into the firebender's side, and Suki had placed a supporting hand on his back. Katara only realized she had moved to squeeze one of Zuko’s hands with her own when he squeezed back.
"I got down on my knees and begged him to forgive me," Zuko's face was slack and his voice was calm, but tears were running freely down his paper-white face. "Hundreds of people witnessed my shame, my fear. I was shaking. And then... then my father told me that suffering would teach me respect, and he," his breath hitched, "he grabbed me by the hair and lit my face on fire."
Katara felt bile rising into her throat and was distinctly aware of the vicious stinging in her eyes and the sudden warmth on her cheeks.
"I can still smell it," a gasping sob ripped out of Zuko. "People were cheering."
Everyone instinctively descended on him, arms wrapping around him until they were one large, confusing mass of bodies. Desperate words of comfort were showered upon him, but nothing they said felt like enough.
"Zuko," Katara found herself breathing out, cheek pressed awkwardly against his shoulder. "That's..." Words failed her and her throat felt dry. All the moisture had gone to her eyes.
"I'm sorry that happened to you," Aang's voice was thick and came from somewhere to Katara's left.
"...Yeah. Me too. But it did happen," Zuko extracted himself from the group and hastily swiped at his tears as everyone moved back to sit again. The firebender's face turned fierce and angry, and it made Katara think of the old Zuko that chased them around the world. The remaining wetness on his cheeks and the dark fringe that brushed at his eyes offset that memory.
"I hope now you realize," Zuko said, voice raspier than usual but still sharp, "that my father isn't open to suggestions when he doesn't want to hear them." He jabbed a finger into the airbender's chest. "He won't listen. And he won't hesitate to kill you. Not at all."
And with that, the conversation was over.
After Zuko repeatedly insisted he wanted to be alone, he got his wish.
Mostly.
Katara got up with the others, only to hang back as they retreated to the campsite. Her eyes were locked on the firebender's back as she skulked in the shadows of the temple. Although Zuko had been adamant about wanting some alone time, Katara didn’t deem that decision wise. Their relationship was a strained one, though, and Katara didn’t want her presence to do more harm than good. So, she watched him from afar, debating what do as she vaguely chewed her thumbnail— a bad habit from childhood that had begun rearing its ugly head again in recent months.
"Katara."
She flinched when he said her name, body tensing. "How'd you know I was still here?"
"Just had a feeling."
"Oh," Katara said lamely as she shuffled forward uncomfortably. "I just... I want to make sure that you’re okay."
"I’m fine. Thanks.”
His clipped tone was hard to decipher, and Katara found herself suddenly wishing that she understood him better. "Okay, then. I'll just—"
"Don't go. Please."
"...I thought you wanted to be alone?"
"I thought I did."
Katara strangely understood, so she slowly, hesitantly, made her way over to the firebender, bending at the knees to sit down beside him. Her eyes turned to him uncertainly and landed on his desolate face.
"Are you... do you need... anything?" Words stuttered awkwardly out of Katara's mouth, and she saw his jaw clench tightly.
Features pinching, hands gripping desperately at his knees, Zuko released a harsh breath. "I don't know. I don't know what I need." Fingers dug aggressively into the fabric of his pants and were likely bruising skin underneath. "I can't believe I just... told you all that."
"I could tell that was hard for you to talk about," Katara said carefully, "but... I think it's important for you to share your past with us."
Angry eyes shot towards her as Zuko gave a derisive snort.
"I just mean that now we understand you better.”
"Understand me better," Zuko echoed under his breath. "I barely told you anything."
When an uncomfortable silence began to stretch between them, Katara thought of several responses but ended up saying nothing. So, she just sat beside the firebender, body tense, and waited for him to say something.
"Do you know why I was trying to capture Aang?"
The waterbender's silence prompted Zuko to continue.
"I didn't even know I was banished until I woke up on a ship, three days after the Agni Kai. I found out I had lost everything. My home. My birthright. My face," Zuko paused for a moment, grimacing, "my honor... My only chance to return home, with honor, was if I delivered the Avatar to my father."
Sadness swelled tightly in Katara’s chest as she looked down at her knees. She had hated Zuko for so, so long (was it only a year?) that this sadness hurt in a way she didn’t understand. Anger twisted and coiled inside her in confusing knots as she let herself remember what Zuko did to them, as she let herself process what his father did to him. What was it like to hate, to fear your own father?
"That's horrible, Zuko." A thought then occurred to her. "Didn't you say this happened when you were thirteen?"
"Yes."
"But Aang came back a year ago... and you're older than fourteen."
"I'm aware."
"So..." A sinking feeling in her gut made her queasy.
"My father didn’t intend for me to return home. I never let myself realize that. I looked for three years before Aang actually showed up."
Katara sniffed and shifted a bit closer to the firebender. "Were you dreaming about him tonight?"
Golden eyes, almost black in the moonlight, glanced at Katara quickly before looking away again. "Yeah."
Before Katara could talk herself out of it, she bumped Zuko's shoulder gently with her own, then let herself lean against him in what she hoped was a comforting gesture. "You know... it's impossible for a person with no honor to take someone else's away." Turning her head slightly to look at Zuko's profile, Katara saw a smile spreading across his face.
"Yeah. I know." Zuko’s gaze briefly met Katara’s, and the tenderness in it surprised her.
When Zuko joined them, Katara's feelings towards him had been a jumbled mess of hostility, resentment, and not-forgiveness. He had put them through so much shit, and there wasn't really an excuse for it. But there was an explanation for it. And while she no longer hated him, there were definitely still hurts to be addressed. For now, though, Katara would lean against the warmth of someone she once considered an enemy.
"Good."
She smiled up at the moon.