Chapter Text
JUNE, 2022.
Seokhyung looked at the time on his monitor and he heard a faint knock on his office door.
“Come in.” He said. He did not need to ask who it was from because he knew that she would be coming. To say goodbye. How he hated that word.
“Sit down, Chu Minha seonsaeng .” His eyes were following every movement she made. From the way she nervously brushed her hair towards her ear, how her eyes looked at everything but him, and how red they looked which was a sign that she had been crying just minutes ago before seeing him.
Minha was their ward's crybaby, Nurse Han said.
“Just two years ago you were bribing me with coffee and now you’re officially done with residency.” He said, trying to lighten the atmosphere that was suffocating the both of them. Or was it just him who felt suffocated? So many memories the both of them shared, both the highs and the lows.
“Gyosunim ,thank you. For everything.” Minha said, tears welling up on her eyes as she quietly sniffled her nose as she tried to stop her tears from falling down.
This was their last night together.
Her last day as his resident.
His last day as her professor.
“Because of you I learned a lot and got the fellowship because of your recommendation.” Minha’s breath was shaking as she tried to put one word after another. It was soft, but loud enough for Seokhyung to hear every breath she took after each word. It was the hardest thing she had to do so far today and she has been crying for the last few hours as she said her farewells to the OBGYN team that became her second family. She even cried in Gyeoul's arms because she knew it would be hard to meet her anymore.
This place was her home away from home and now she has to leave.
Seokhyung hated it. Hated the fact that she was leaving and he could not do anything about it. A maternal fetal medicine fellowship opportunity came and he knew better than anyone else how hard she worked night after night to prepare for that along with her lead surgeries that he assisted, her board exam, all while assisting him with his research that she insisted aligned perfectly with the specialty she wanted to pursue. Maternal fetal medicine.
Her determination made Seokhyung even more determined to keep her straight from start to finish. No distractions.
It was not an easy journey for the both of them. She shared a fair amount of her stressful days with him.
Her concerns about the fact that maybe she should have stayed in the lab and worked there instead when she lost her first baby. Seokhyung watched her cried in pain in the OBGYN's room as she screamed over and over again that she should have done better. That maybe she was not meant to be a doctor.
He was there.
To be the shoulder she could lean on to let her know that she did the best she could. That they did the best they could to save the baby because the burden was not for her to carry alone. Seokhyung can still remember her body violently trembling underneath his hug as he tried his best to console her like it happened just yesterday.
But there were days when it was just right. No hiccups in the ward, babies crying which was a sign of another life being brought to the world, and everyone in the team just joking and laughing in the ward. Those were the days that Seokhyung loved the most because her laugh was the loudest.
When Minha was in a good mood, he was also in a good mood because at one point her emotions started affecting him.
Sometimes she would surprise him with a cup of iced americano in his office to talk about the progress of their research or how a mother said that she would like to name her daughter after her. He would joke her that their daughter was going to be a troublemaker then and their back and forth banter would cease to end.
The tears, the laughs, and the conversations. Seokhyung was going to miss all of it.
They spent so much time together.
He was crazy enough to think that time would stop just for them. For him. That another Monday would come and he was going to see her again.
Three years. That's how long her residency was going to take and he knew she was not coming back anymore.
“I told you, you were going to be a good doctor didn’t I?” He said, trying his best to not let any of his emotions show.
“You did.” Minha chuckled as she wiped the tears on her eyes that were streaming down her reddened cheeks. There was no point of hiding them because she has become an open book to him and it has been an emotional day for her. She smiled bitterly as she remembered how furious she was at him for not meddling in between her and Eunwon. How that day changed her both professionally and personally.
But here she was, saying goodbye to him.
“I’m sure you’ll do fine. I know you will. Three years will go by.” Seokhyung said, showing no hesitations at all because he knew that was the truth. He knew that better than anyone else, even her. That even when she would doubt herself, Seokhyung knew she was going just fine. But that last statement was for him. To console himself, to delude himself that if two years went by how different is that from three years?
Minha and Seokhyung spent almost an hour reminiscing about their years together. Finally confessing to him that she cursed him a lot during his first months in Yulje because he was so distant and behaved like a psychopath with them which was news to Seokhyung.
“You did? In my first month? A p-psychopath?”
“And the month after that.” She said with a guilty smile on her face. He stared at her and felt his chest tightened as she brushed her hair away. Her hair that used to rest above her shoulders has gotten longer. Her locks now ended below her shoulders and she did not bother to keep them short anymore. He should have known that he was on borrowed time. Hairs get longer, seasons changes, and every day passes.
He did not think that two years were going to flash right before his eyes. He wanted to keep her by his side a little longer and that was why he rejected her two years ago. Because he knew that if he said yes, he was so sure that they would have broken up in a matter of months, weeks even, because he was simply not the man she envisioned. It would have ruined everything. He wanted to be with her. It does not matter how and what circumstances.
He just wanted to be next to her.
“And I am guessing the cursing never ended? That must be the reason why I get these random headaches.” He joked before clenching his jaw to stop his lips from shaking. He was going to cry. Cry in front of her.
He was going to miss her and no one else will know except him. Because he did not bother to let anyone know just how madly in love he is with her.
“Gyosunim , can I ask a question?”
“Sure, anything.” Her last question. Minha's favorite conversation starter every time she wanted to get to know an information about him.
“Gyosunim , can I ask a question? Can you let me know your favorite color?”
“Gyosunim , can I ask a question? Can you let me know why you are so fixated on drinking iced americanos only?”
Or that one time he reprimanded her for messing up during their surgery.
“Gyosunim , can I ask a question? Why are you such an ass?!?”
They felt like they happened just yesterday and now they are going to be memories that only he would remember.
“Can I talk to you just as Chu Minha? Not as a resident, but just as Chu Minha?”
Seokhyung nodded his head weakly as he clasped his hands together. He has an idea of where this was going. It was an untouched territory for the both of them for the last two years. Anything that happened before 2020 was something neither of them brought up anymore.
“Did you ever once, even just for a split second, thought of me as more than a resident?” Her bloodshot eyes, looking straight at him as if she was telling him that this is it. Her last question. The last time she would let herself be vulnerable to him because for the first time, there were no titles. Tomorrow she does not have to face him and watch him behave awkwardly around her just like he did when she confessed to him before.
She just wanted to be Chu Minha and for him to be Yang Seokhyung. She is hoping one last time that this would make a difference.
She wanted to know. Sure, they remained colleagues, but to Minha- he was still someone she harbored feelings for. But she never brought it up ever again after he rejected her during Christmas day. It was fine for her to be by his side. But tomorrow, it will be different. She has no reason to be by his side anymore and she just wanted to know regardless of what he says.
This was the closure she thinks she needed for her unrequited love. She cannot waste anymore time with him because she did not want to believe that love was supposed to feel this painful. Love was not supposed to make her feel like she was walking on eggshells with the person she loves.
Seokhyung stared at her. He held her gaze with his and exhaled softly as he debated whether to let her know the truth or hide it again. He has been soo good at hiding everything from her.
How he secretly placed handwarmers on her lab coat when she was not around during the cold winter nights.
Or how he would often stock up their breakroom with her favorite snacks by coming into the hospital early because the last thing he wanted was to be caught by her. It has been an ongoing joke within the ward that someone has been putting food in the cabinets. Minha's favorite snacks.
He wanted to surrender himself to her. Let her know that yes, I have. That she has consumed his waking days and even his dreams. How her entire existence brought him nothing but comfort even on days where she really hated him.
That on some days when he was alone in his house and drinking, he fought with his drunk self that wanted to text her and call her. To let her know that he loves her. Love her so much it hurt. How he regretted rejecting her. How each time he wanted to take back what he said, he always back down.
She was a sunshine and he was so worried that he was going to take it away because he brought nothing but misfortune to everyone he loved.
Seokhyung inhaled sharply before speaking. "No. You were a resident to me... and a friend."
He lied.
Lied once again.
Because what good does it do for the both of them when she was leaving. The last thing she needed was a reason to get distracted from her fellowship. It was time to let her go. He was on borrowed time and borrowed times ends.
His gaze never shifted away from her and any hope that Minha had disappeared. She did not know what else she expected from him. She gave him one last chance and he just... blew it. Or maybe this was really the truth and Minha was just being in denial.
A resident.
A friend.
"At least I became your friend, then. I was worried I was just a resident." She said with a laugh, but her tears betrayed her as they kept flowing down from the corner of her eyes. They stayed seated for a few minutes, nothing but Minha's sniffles can be heard in his office. He was worried that if he moved or said anything, he too would cry. He had to be strong and be responsible for his choices.
"I-i don't want to hold you up. My flight to New York is tomorrow." Minha said as she stood up, wiping her tears with the back of her hand as she bit her upper lip. She did not have to remind that her feelings remained the same throughout the years because when she looked at him, she knew that he understood why she asked him that question.
"It was a pleasure working with you." Being with you.
"It was a pleasure working with you, too, Gyosunim." Minha reached for his hand and Seokhyung held them. Neither of them wanting to let go because if they did, it really was over.
"Go. Get some rest. The flight to New York is long." Seokhyung said as he wanted to escape because he knew that if she stayed any longer than a minute he would waver. That was the last thing he wanted to do.
"Take care, Yang Seokhyung gyosunim."
"Take care, Chu Minha."
She turned around and walked out of his office and he pathetically watched her closed his door one last time. Seokhyung gathered his remaining energy to stand up and close the lights of his office, locking the door. He wanted to be alone.
Seokhyung's legs weakened in almost an instant, dropping on the floor of his office as he quietly sobbed with his head on his knees.
He should have let her know.
He should have fucking told her that he love her so much.
He covered his mouth as continued to cry, his tears streaming endlessly on his cheeks that he never bothered to wipe away because no one will see them anyway. As if fate was playing with him, the tumbler on his table had a light streaming on it that was coming from the slits of the window.
"Gyosunim, next time you order an iced americano, use this instead. Better than the plastic cups!"
Her smile, her bright eyes, her voice that sounded like music to his ears.
He remember everything so vividly that involved her and he knew that these same memories will haunt him endlessly.
How was he supposed to sleep tonight knowing that she will not be here anymore?
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DECEMBER, 2025.
Seokhyung took a sip from his tumbler as he read up on the latest advancements in his office while listening to the morning radio. There was always something about Christmas music that makes him feel a little better.
"YANG SEOKHYUNG!" Ikjun screamed as soon as he opened the door, not even bothering to knock.
"Do you remember Chu Minha? She applied for the assistant professor spot in OBGYN."