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Shigaraki had been fucking Dabi for a while now.
It was Dabi who started it all. There was something about his new boss he couldn’t help but loathe. He looked at him warily every time they ran into each other in the same room, usually the bar. But Shigaraki didn’t try to kill him again, not after he decided he could join the league, which was unexpected, to say the least.
He wanted to join the league of villains for Stain alone, that man had understood him better than anyone else in this world, even when they didn’t know each other. But he was right, everything about his philosophy was right. It was about time to do something about fake heroes, who happen to be the most part of them. Stain was arrested, but there was still the league of villains he was part of. He wanted to be in it, prove himself he could, he deserved to be in the same level as Stain himself, the level of villainy to shake this world’s foundation.
He never achieved anything in his life, he’d been a failure ever since he was born, he wasn’t even a villain and he already wanted to be in the big leagues. The mere idea of standing on the same level as men as Stain or Shigaraki was strange itself, he didn’t deserve it, he had done nothing to deserve it, but he wanted it, more than anything.
He wasn’t interested in Shigaraki, by the way. Shigaraki was, apparently, the league’s leader, he attacked U.A., but he had no interest in someone like him, he only wanted to be a part of the league because they had to follow Stain’s philosophy. But even so, it was undeniable that the freak hidden behind a hand mask had drawn attention, and shook the number one hero’s school, which was an accomplishment, a lot more than Dabi could do by himself, anyway.
Giran was an acquaintance of him, he was a dealer, he worked with whatever he could put his hands on: drugs, weapons, information, whatever. Turns out he was working for the league, he was scooting recruits for them, the exact thing he needed.
And he failed.
Of course he failed, he was a useless, stupid piece of shit who would never achieve something. It was too bold of him to believe he could join the league. Of course he couldn’t. His father was right, he was a failure, nothing but a mistake, how could he have thought, even for a moment, they’d let him, a no one, in? He pressed his hand to his chest, trying to calm down. He acted all haughty around Shigaraki, but as soon as he was alone, he wanted to cry, but he couldn’t, because he was broken, the right to cry had been taken away from him a long ago. He couldn’t cry, but he panicked every so often and his chest and face ached so much because it was physically painful being unable to cry. Just, how pathetic he was? He wasn’t impressed with Shigaraki, he tried to act all cool, tried to use the league as a stepping stone, as if he was a great villain with a greater purpose, but instead, the leader tried to kill him in less than five minutes and then he just left because he wasn’t allowed to kill him, not because Dabi could stop him. He wasn’t sure he could. But knowing himself, it was likely he couldn’t.
Maybe he should just die. End his suffering, end a life that had been nothing but pain and failure. He should just leave his dream in hands of more capable people, of people who wouldn’t just die someday due to their own quirks, people who are useful, and intelligent and strong and…
His phone’s ringtone took him out of his endless negative thoughts. It was Shigaraki, he wanted to talk to him.
Dabi wasn’t sure why, but he changed his mind and let him join. Even when he did nothing to deserve it, even when he wasn’t a big villain, even when he had the nerve to call him ugly. Just, why? He didn’t understand. But to finally being accepted somewhere, for the first time in his life, was… strange.
Again, he looked at his new boss warily every time they ran into each other in the same room, usually the bar. He was expecting the freak to try to kill him again, he didn’t kill him last time because he was stopped, but he could try again any time, he could go and try to make him learn his lesson and his place, make him respect the leader, but Shigaraki didn’t even try. He only minded his own business and barely ever paid him attention. What was that? Wasn’t a leader, a villain supposed to be cruel and make their underlings suffer? That was the only kind authority he ever knew, but Shigaraki wasn’t like that at all. Why? Why is it that the villain that is now his boss is the one authority that has ever treated him as a human being, or haven’t being cruel with him at very least?
He hated him. Shigaraki had no leadership skills. Why couldn’t he be normal?
Slowly, Dabi started forgetting about Stain, observing Shigaraki closely. He couldn’t understand him, couldn’t figure him out. So he was there, around him every time he was on sight. Shigaraki seemed to notice it, but even so he said nothing. So Dabi started getting closer: sitting in the closest stool in the bar, in the same couch, at his side on the meetings, he wanted to understand. But he couldn’t figure out why, exactly, the number one wanted villain was so polite to his subordinates. It made no sense.
It made less sense when he took him to the nomu’s hangar and gave him his own nomu, for him to lead the next attack to U.A.’s camp.
Why?
Why him, the one who never accomplished something before, that was a total failure and was rude with him the day they met?
Dabi was drinking in the bar after that, trying to convince himself he could success for once, he could prove Shigaraki he was right choosing him for this mission. This was the biggest task he’d ever been asked for. He had to do it right, he had to. Because if he failed, stupid handy man would finally find out he was fake, he wasn’t cool nor strong nor worthy, and that he was going to crumble into pieces soon. No, he couldn’t allow that, he had to keep up the lie.
He had to impress the man he was starting to admire: he was younger than him but he was intelligent and strong, and fast, very fast, and blessed with a good quirk. He had all that Dabi needed to be a success, to be loved by his father, to his life to be different. So it was hard not to admire what he couldn’t have, it was a bitter feeling, he hated Shigaraki as much as he admired him; also, bratty as he was, he had something he was fighting for, an ideal, and even though it was unrealistic, he was actually trying to make it real, something Dabi didn’t thought possible before all this.
He swigged his glass when someone entered the bar. It was late, he didn’t think anyone else would be up. The other person sat at his side and he turned to see who it was. And it was Shigaraki, without the hand he called “father”. He looked attentively at his face, his eyes were totally eerie and his face was all fucked up, wrinkled skin, small scars, dry lips. Dabi decided in a split second he would fuck him without hesitation.
“Stop staring.” The raspy voice finally said, making him aware that he had been looking at him for a while.
“Where’s…?” He put his hand over his face, imitating the mask he always wore.
“Back in my room. Wasn’t expecting to see anyone here.” Dabi just hummed, nodding.
“So, you want a drink or what?” That was the first time he actually tried to talk with him, out of villainy matters.
“I guess so.” Dabi took the bottle he had been drinking of and poured it in a glass he handed to his boss, he brought his stool closer than ever. “What are you staring at? If you’re going to call me ugly, say it already and move on.” Dabi wasn’t aware he was staring, again.
“Say boss” he said instead “you’ve been treating me real good, don’t you?” He moved closer, so close Shigaraki looked uncomfortable, he shifted a little away in his stool.
“No really.”
“Mmm? But you have been so good to me, even made me the vanguard action squad’s leader, why is it?” He invaded his personal space once again, basically sharing now the same stool as he passed and arm around the other’s waist, Shigaraki tensed up instantly.
“I let you in because I thought you were a good asset to begin with. I’m just asking you to do the work I hired you for, there’s no further reason.”
“There’s not?” His free hand took Shigaraki’s chin and he went closer. “If you want to shag, just say it.” He pressed his lips to the freak’s, but the cold sensation lasted a second only, before the boss stood up and slapped him.
“The fuck is wrong with you?” Dabi was heartedly confused.
“Aren’t you being nice because you want to get laid?”
“You’re drunk. I’m out.” Shigaraki left and he just stared at the door, understanding his boss even less than before.
That was what started it, Dabi was who started it.
Dabi whimpered beneath his touch. Cold fingers were tracing down his frame, they were intermittent, he wanted to feel them more. There was a blindfold on his eyes and the cuffs were hurting for all the time he had been held in the same position. Shigaraki was barely touching him, but he knew he would come with as much as a brush of those deadly fingers on his shaft.
He was a mess, totally, he was quivering, covered in sweat and his own cum. A dildo was inside him, it has been there for a long while, he only wanted to cum and sleep, or die, what was faster. Overstimulation was painful at that point, but no matter how much he begged, Shigaraki would not stop. There was no stop with him once he started, he had a lot of stamina and would never stop until Dabi came totally undone. He loved it as much as he hated it. Yet, he always comes back for more. Always craving for his touch, for the one thing resembling affection he had ever known.
He understood it at some point: the reason he was so attracted to Shigaraki and the reason he loathed him was because he was nice with him, he didn’t treat him like a trash, like the failure he was, he always treated him as an equal.
Until he asked him, sobbing, to destroy him, he needed it. He could never be okay with the way Shigaraki was so undeservedly polite with him. He yearned for him to hit and spit him, to step in his face and make a dog out of him. He understood it at some point, what he wanted, what he needed Shigaraki do for him. The freak asked some time to consider it, he pleaded, he needed his boss to punish him. When Tomura agreed, there was no turning back. He was hard and sadistic, he didn’t give a fuck about save words, he was all radical and had no mercy and Dabi just… loved it as much as he hated it.
He hated himself for not being able to be normal, to just appreciate his boss being kind. Shigaraki was always nice to him when they weren’t having sex, he was never rude, nor say anything about their activities and Dabi was bittersweet about it. About the fact outside the bedroom they were boss and subordinate alone. He didn’t know how to feel about that, he wanted to be near his boss all the time, he wanted to serve him, to protect him, even when he didn’t need it. But Shigaraki just… acted as if the things they did didn’t exist. They only existed while they lasted, no more.
Not so long ago, Shigaraki was chocking him. His long, uneven nails digging in his neck as he was fucking him harshly. Dabi had his eyes rolled back, it was so difficult to breath that his vision was blurring.
“You like it like this, whore, uh?” The boss asked, but there was no answer, it was hard for Dabi breath, let alone talk. “I asked you something.” He said, tightening his grip instead of letting go.
“Yes…” Dabi managed, his healthy skin was starting to look like his burnt one. Shigaraki loosed his grip ever so slightly.
“What are you?” He said, slamming his cock inside him over and over again.
“Your bitch.”
“What? I didn’t hear you.”
“Your bitch.” He said a little louder, grinding his hips.
“You’re so thirsty, you fucking sex toy. This is what you came to the league for, right? You entered because you wanted my big cock in you, that right?” He dug his nails even more.
“Yes, I wanted you to fuck me senseless…” He barely said. There was a cock ring pressed to the base of his dick, blocking his orgasm, Shigaraki had been edging him for god knows how much. His hole was all filled with the other’s cum, Tomura had fucked him at least four times, taking his breaks between each one, not letting him cum. His dick was so red and swollen Dabi thought for real it would explode. It was painful, but the border of pain and pleasure had gone unrecognizable long ago.
“That’s right, you came here for that alone. Your only reason to exist is to give me pleasure, nothing more.” If Dabi could cry, he would. Shigaraki somehow found out about his self-esteem issues and he would push his boundaries every time. Dabi hated it, it was painful, so very painful, he wanted to die… yet, he wanted Shigaraki to go on, to humiliate him more, to remind him he was a failure more.
“I’m yours for you to use.” He looked straight at Tomura’s red eyes and he meant it. It wasn’t a part of their game anymore, he was Tomura’s he belonged to him alone, he hated him and he needed him to keep on using him.
“That’s right, little slut, you know your place.” Shigaraki took a handful of his hair, twisting it and he leaned in, so close his nose was brushing the other’s. “Listen. If you ever fuck anyone else, I’ll slit your throat. Am I clear?”
“Crystal.” He tried to reach out to kiss him.
“No kisses, filthy worm.” He pulled back and he came inside him yet again, closing his eyes. when he pulled back, all his cum came out, wetting the bed. Shigaraki reached out and took off the cock ring and Dabi finally, finally came violently. It was so painful. Dabi went into fetal position, sobbing, it was so shitty not being able to cry. He didn’t move for some minutes until he heard a very familiar sound: Shigaraki dressing back. No. everything but that. That meant Shigaraki was about to leave him. He turned around and grabbed him by the wrist.
“Don’t go.”
“I’ve got work to do.” He said after giving him an unreadable look.
“Please, I love you, stay for once.” There was something in those red eyes, something akin to fear, but it disappeared as soon as it came.
“You need to rest.” He patted his head and Dabi clung to his arm, taking the deadly hand to his cheek, Shigaraki pulled back one finger, letting himself caress the scarred face for a moment, before pulling back and leaving the room.
The former league of villains was in some couches in their new mansion, eating together. Only Shigaraki was missing. Ever since he became the grand commander of the Paranormal Liberation Front, he was always busy, they saw him so little compared to before.
“I miss Tomura-kun. I wish he would come and eat with us.” Toga seemed to read Dabi’s mind, he missed him. He missed his raspy voice and how friendly he was with them unlike with anyone else.
“Well, you know he’s busy, he’s important now.” Atsuhiro said, grabbing another piece of sushi. “All the important people around here want to talk with him.”
“They want to fuck with him.” Toga corrected him. Dabi stared at her, what? Atsuhiro giggled.
“Yeah, he’s a fashion statement, somehow. Well, it happens in every big organization. People try to get laid with the boss so they’d have privileges.” Dabi’s heart almost stopped. No, Shigaraki wouldn’t just fuck anyone, he wouldn’t, they were together after all. Wait, were they? No, “they” only existed in the bedroom. He went pale.
“Do we need to talk about that filthy matter now? We’re eating.” Dabi silently thanked Spinner.
“But it’s true.” Twice objected. “These people just want that; I saw it myself. Who cares!” Dabi felt like he was about to die.
“Hey Dabi, are you feeling okay?” Atsuhiro noticed he was pale as a dead. He shook his face and stood up, he ran to bathroom, he needed to throw up.
He glued himself to Shigaraki ever since that day. Shigaraki didn’t seem to be bothered by this. Wherever he went, Dabi would follow, like a loyal dog. Whenever Shigaraki had meetings with the members of the front, Dabi would enter the room, and stand behind Tomura’s chair. Some people seemed to be uncomfortable by his presence, but the grand commander would just tell them not to mind him.
Once, Shigaraki was introduced to someone whose lust was obvious in their face. Dabi embraced his leader from behind and pointed his hand towards them in a threatening gesture, before they could come any closer.
“Keep your distance.” A little blue flame danced on his fingers, a warning of what would await them if they tried anything. Tomura laughed, his raspy voice sounded right on Dabi’s ears.
“Dabi here is my right hand man. I trust him blindly. If he says you keep your distance, you better do so.”
Dabi expected Shigaraki to say something after that, but he didn’t, he just kept on minding his business, not saying anything about the way Dabi started following him everywhere. Shigaraki never said a thing about this nor their sexual live and it was starting frustrating Dabi. The sex was also less often since they arrived to the mansion, he couldn’t stand the feeling anymore.
The feeling of indifference. He wanted Shigaraki to pay attention to him. It was strange for him being treated as a human being, as if he wasn’t a failure, but he wanted more, he wanted to feel loved as much as he wanted to be destroyed. He needed his boss to say something, anything.
He accompanied his boss to his room from his office that evening. Shigaraki dropped himself on the bed, he was exhausted. Soon, Dabi was kneeled in front of the bed, looking at him with those pleading eyes of him, Shigaraki knew what he wanted, he patted his head.
“I want you to fuck me.” He said.
“Not now. I’m tired to go through all the process of tearing you apart.”
“Today I don’t want to be destroyed, I just want you.” Shigaraki shook his face.
“We don’t do that.” Dabi couldn’t understand.
“Why?” He asked softly, carefully tracing his hot fingers on the cold, dry face of his leader.
“Because we’re not doing this out of love. If we do it affectively you may… we can get confused… we just fuck.”
“But I love you.” His face was totally sad. Shigaraki reached to touch the staples on his face.
“Don’t say that anymore.” Oh, hurtful words, Dabi’s heart felt pressed, it was so painful.
“Why?” His voice cracked. Shigaraki seemed to be considering something, after a few seconds, he moved to the wall, away from Dabi’s touch, he patted the bed where he was just seconds ago to invite him join him. Dabi slowly got on his feet and laid down beside him.
“Look…” Shigaraki started after few seconds and then trailed off, he bit his lip, looking conflicted, and finally started again. “You shouldn’t love me. That is not love, okay?” Dabi shook his face.
“I don’t get it.” His face was all sorrow, he went closer to embrace him, but Tomura stopped him.
“Listen. I just say horrible things to you when we have sex, but I don’t mean them.” Dabi was tearlessly sobbing, feeling the one thing he enjoyed was falling apart.
“But I do.” He replied softly.
“That’s the problem.” Shigaraki looked down for a moment and placed his hand –save for a finger- on the other’s arm. “You really believe you’re a useless trash, but you’re not. And by no means you should love anyone who says it.”
“But- but you’re-“
“I like you. You asked me to do that for you, and I like it too, I mean, I really like it. But that’s not love. And you’re mistaking that shit with love. I’m not as cruel to let you sink in that thought.” Dabi sobbed again. That wasn’t love?
“That’s the only kind of affection I know.” He whispered, Shigaraki caressed his face.
“I know. But fucking senselessly is not the same as making love.”
“Then let’s make love.” Shigaraki shut his eyes, looking conflicted again.
“I can’t.”
“Why?” He opened his eyes once more and traced his cold index finger on the staples beneath Dabi’s eyes.
“Because… there’s no coming back. If we… if I do that, there will be no return, it won’t be just sex anymore. And I’m not good for you. I’m all fucked up.” Dabi shushed him, placing a soft kiss on his lips.
“You’re all I need.” Shigaraki bit his lip again, drawing blood. He embraced his right hand man, burying his face between Dabi’s neck and shoulder, his hands tremblingly gripping his coat.
“Dabi…” He breathed in his ear. “You’re still on time to change your mind.”
“You say you’d kill me if I ever was with anyone else, remember? I’m all yours, totally yours. I can’t change my mind.” Shigaraki trembled and suddenly kissed him, with a caring ferocity, devouring his mouth, Dabi kissed right back. They clung into one another, Dabi took Shigaraki’s hand to his face, as he used to do and Tomura drew back.
“Stop that.”
“What?”
“Don’t think I don’t know why you like my hands. If we’re gonna do this, stop your fucking death wish.”
Dabi’s eyes widened. It was until that moment he finally understood: what drew him to his boss was nothing but a death wish. And now, he wanted to live, for once, he had a reason to.