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1.
The campfire crackled loudly at the same time a tent was flapped open, its occupant walking out with small, slow steps toward the light. Yeongshin didn’t even give a glance until Chang was properly sitting near the fire next to him, between them a distance that was quite easily closed by a single reach.
Blanketed by the night, everything in the world seemed more subdued, their edges blurred. A separate pocket of reality with a deceptive sense of safety, giving a soft and false view of the ugliness in daylight. Such was also how Lee Chang appeared that night—and the nights before it—when the horrors were seeping too much into his sleep. His facial features were lack, seemingly relaxed and smooth, but Yeongshin saw how his eyes were empty and he knew it was because Chang forced them to.
Speaking from his own experience, Yeongshin was convinced that right now Chang must still be haunted by dreadful images and visages from his dream and he’s trying his hardest to make himself stop seeing it in the waking world. A shiver ran through his body and Yeongshin idly wondered whether it was from the cold or the dreams. Perhaps both.
“Another nightmare, my lord?” Yeongshin called out to him, voice almost a whisper. Chang only brought his hands together, pressing it together while he took a deep breath and jerked his head in a shaky nod. Yeongshin looked away, heart heavy with sympathy because he knew this kind of thing never got any easier. Less frequent, perhaps, but whenever it happened, it would always be rough, ugly, and frightening.
He remembered his own nightmares—after the war, after his family was gone—and how miserable he felt as he tried to make his own separate pocket of reality to dump all his horrors away, to distance himself from the grief and anger, to just stop feeling the hurt everywhere. He remembered how alone and tired he felt.
He also remembered that it got a little better when one of his companions in the Chakko found him after another nightmare attack. He gave his shoulder a firm pat once and proceeded to sit silent next to him until Yeongshin finally fell asleep again. They didn't do that often, but Yeongshin always felt it helped him at least get some more rest.
It got better when someone else was there, Yeongshin concluded. And so he will provide that same help to Chang, as he had done nights before. They had a routine, at this point. Chang would wake up from his nightmares, he would join Yeongshin by the fire under the night sky and then after a short silence Chang would tell what he had seen inside the dream.
“I saw myself,” Chang started. “I was sitting in the throne room and there was screaming outside and I couldn’t move. I could do nothing and I just watched on as they—” He choked on his words, adam apple bobbing but nothing came out from his mouth. Chang gave his hands another hard squeeze, breath exhaled harshly.
At this point, Yeongshin usually would offer either a similar horror tale or inquired a bit further. But this time, it was something Yeongshin couldn’t relate to, because what comforting words could a peasant give to a rightful king?
“Do you miss the palace sometimes?” Yeongshin asked instead.
Chang let out a sound that was too gentle to be a scoff but too harsh to be a sigh. “Hanyang stopped being my home the moment my mother passed away,” he said with a wry smile toward the fire. “And it got worse after my master left.”
There was nothing but the sound of the fire log crackling for a while before Yeongshin asked again, “Then, do you regret leaving behind the throne?”
Chang looked at Yeongshin and the tracker felt a wave crashing inside his chest, knocking his lungs out of air. It was already an established fact that former crown prince Lee Chang was a handsome person, but Yeongshin felt the word fall short in describing how Chang looked right now, staring at him.
Righteous eyes burning bright with conviction, golden skin illuminated by the glow of the fire, elegant cheekbones and jaws turning sharp and cutting.
Lee Chang was divine.
Yeongshin felt how every inch of his skin prickled with the need to bow down or simply run away , anything to escape the intense gaze. But Yeongshin was also one of the few people who survived hunting tigers and he knew that averting his eyes in the face of something dangerous meant your doom. So Yeongshin held the stare, forcing his whole body to stay still, to keep his breathing even.
“The throne was all I know my whole life. It is both why I live and why so many people wanted me dead. Something so embedded inside myself would take a long time to pull out completely.” Chang’s jaw clenches and his chin lifted up, showing defiance and bravery even toward Yeongshin. “But I would never regret my choice. Me being on the throne would only bring more misery. I am not worthy.”
Yeongshin already felt words forming on the tips of his tongue hearing Chang saying things like that. Words like you would have made a great king or You worth more than just a throne that would definitely be classified as Not Good. So he bit his lips and swallowed the words back and let out a silent sigh when Chang finally stopped looking at him.
Chang exhaled again and looked at the sky, arms propped on his knees, “Perhaps I just felt guilty that the infected ended up in the capital. That I couldn’t realize the Queen’s plan before.”
It was Yeongshin’s turn to snort out loud. “I am not sure no one could. She was too insane to be predicted. Truly a Cho through and through.”
“Are you implying Beompal going to be that kind of insane? He is, after all, a Cho,” Chang said with a lilt of teasing on his tone. “Although I am afraid that man is more likely to be killed by his own shadow first before going insane.”
Yeongshin was full on grinning now, “Cho Beompal won’t even raise his hand on a child, my lord. He’s going to be the one driving people insane with how timid he is.”
Chang gave another chuckle and Yeongshin wondered how the world had gone into the deep end but the one that really blindsided him was not a horde of resurrected corpses but the fact that him, a nobody, got to sit together alongside a noble— a royal —and laughed with him. Lee Chang had trusted him enough to talk about his nightmares and inner monsters for a while yet it still felt like Yeongshin had to really convince himself to believe.
Yeongshin gave Chang a thorough look. His mouth no longer seemed like it was pulled so taut, his fingers no longer locked in a death grip, and most importantly, his eyes seemed to cease looking so haunted. He felt a smile on his own lips forming as warmth filled his chest, content knowing his prince was actually safe inside this separate pocket of their own.
2.
Yeongshin shot through the head of the undead barreling toward him and shot another one quickly before backing away, slinging his rifle on his back and pulled up his dagger all in one single step then pushed forward to stab another undead right between their eyes.
One, two, three, Yeongshin slipped between bodies, rotting black blood spraying with each slash he gave with his dagger—it was maddeningly endless.
Chang and his group—about 30 men from the surrounding villages,his own guard and of course Yeongshin—were trapping a horde of the undeads in this abandoned village. The size of it was small, Chang had estimated that even if all of the village inhabitants were turned, there would be less than a hundred. But these felt like more, much more.
The horde was already weeded out even before they lured it into the village, but the undeads kept coming and the men were getting tired fighting, they were desperately waiting for the sun to come up.
Yeongshin tried to keep his focus sharp in the middle of this bloody whirlwind, keeping track of where to stab and when to dodge an incoming bite. One of the undead managed to sneak up from behind the wall of bodies and went straight for Yeongshin's arm. He jerked aside but in his surprise he missed a step and slipped right into the horde—
—before someone pulled him back, using the moment of the pull to propel themselves forward and slashed the undead.
"JUST A LITTLE MORE!" it was Chang, sweaty and splashed in blood, but still so determined to fight, to live . "FIGHT A LITTLE LONGER AND WE WILL ERADICATE THEM ALL BEFORE SUNRISE!"
A resounding battle cheer answered him and the men's will was reignited, fighting even harder than before.
Chang gave Yeongshin's arm a squeeze which he answered with a resolute nod. They shared a brief look before continuing slashing away the undeads once more.
Chang's promise came true, before the first ray of the sun touched the earth, the last undead had finally fallen. Yeongshin, breath still heaving and hands still dripping blood, immediately whipped around, searching.
Not five minutes ago he was still fighting beside Chang but the latter had moved away again too fast and a lot could happen in five minutes, the undeads didn't even need to eat through the flesh, just a bite, just a bite and everything would be over. Chang would be—would be—
Yeongshin could not even be bothered to feel shame at the harsh exhale of relief that he let out when he caught eyes with Chang, standing whole and strong. Yeongshin ran to his side, eyes cataloguing every limbs and skins that were visible. No bite marks.
"I'm fine," Chang said, almost like answering Yeongshin's mind, with a small smile, his eyes tender and kind even with all the blood smeared on him and Yeongshin wanted to grab his face, pulled him downward and—
Yeongshin gave a nod and if anyone noticed how shaky it was, he could just reasoned it was from the high of the battle. He quickly averted his gaze and counted their men still standing… they had lost about a half dozens of men. Yeongshin briefly hoped they were just separated from the center of the battle and hid somewhere though it was a small chance.
"My lord!" Do-jin was running towards them, clothes battered and in a similar state of bloodied like him. "I'm afraid there are a couple of stragglers that ran away from us when the sun came up. We should follow them soon."
Chang nodded, "Take about ten men with you, let the rest burn the bodies here. Bring firewood and matches. We'll burn them all today."
Do-jin turned around after giving Chang a salute and Yeongshin followed him, automatically thinking Chang would be the one staying at the village while he chased down the stragglers.
So he was taken aback when Chang also mounted his horse next to Yeongshin and looked ready to go.
"My lord?"
Chang only tilted his head and gave him a questioning look while Yeongshin felt annoyance at his own heart for finding Chang even lovelier to look at even in times like this.
"I thought you would have stayed in the village."
"Well, I want to join you," Chang answered simply.
"I know the sun is rising but it's still—"
"Too dangerous. Yes, I know. And I know you said that only to mean well as my bodyguard because otherwise I would have thought you were underestimating my skill," Chang was smirking at him, clearly teasing him while Yeongshin sputtered a flustered "my lord!"
Chang chuckled with open mirth. "I want to join you. But even if it's more dangerous than if I stayed behind, it's okay," Chang gave a nod toward Yeongshin, "You're here, after all."
Yeongshin gripped the reign of his horse so tight it dug into his skin as he nudged it to move. He focused all his mind on the road ahead as he tried not to feel overwhelmed by how gentle and trusting the gaze that Chang gave to him just now was and strengthened his resolve to protect Chang, no matter what the cost.
3.
The market was bustling with lives as peddlers shouted their wares, street performers garnered their cheers and people bustled about shopping and haggling.
The rest of the group were splitting up, buying and replenishing their supplies in this big market they had come across on their journey. Seobi was already gone to hunt spices and other medications, Do-jin was off probably looking for alcohol and thus Yeongshin was left with Chang.
Yeongshin didn't really have anything he wanted to buy. Perhaps a bottle of oil to take care of his musket but it wasn't really that urgent, he'd last for another two months. Chang, on the other hand…
He stood beside Yeongshin, eyes round and excited, head wouldn't stop turning left and right every time something even remotely interesting caught his attention. His hands were already filled with snacks, little toys, fans, scrolls, brushes and more stuff that Yeongshin thought was possible to be held.
"Have you never been to the market, my lord?" Yeongshin asked as yet again Chang's attention was zeroing in on a vendor of fabrics, bright colors enticing every eye upon it.
"Ah, the sellers usually came to the pa—to my place," Chang said quickly, covering his almost slip-up. "But only those that sold the items that I requested. To have this many options at once to buy from is certainly a new experience." Chang browsed through the stall. His strong, weathered fingers delicately ran along down the fabrics displayed and Yeongshin tried not to think of the fabrics as skins. His skins, especially.
“You don’t have to tag along with me, Yeongshin,” Chang said, shattering his (rather nice) musings. “Feel free to shop for yourself first.” Chang was already talking with the old lady selling the fabrics, who was already running her mouth at how these fabrics were of a top-notch quality and that as a show of good will she would sell this at a half-price! But it’s only for today!
Yeongshin snatched Chang’s arm faster than when he had to pull his gun on an undead when he saw Chang reaching for his coin purse. He had finally found the reason why Chang’s arms were filled with too many purchases too fast.
“You do not need a new fabric,” Yeongshin said firmly. “You could’ve just asked Beompal to send new ones to us. Remember? Like we just did a week ago .”
“Yes but we do not have one in this color, yet,” Chang cajoled him, hands closing in an almost childish manner into the moss green fabric in front of him. Yeongshin tugged his arm away, gave a hurried half-bow to the peddlers who had already lost interest with them once she’s sure they weren’t going to shop there.
Yeongshin pulled Chang away for a couple more steps before releasing him and shook his head, “You are so helpless, my lord. I am impressed you had not managed to make the royal coffer bleed out with how easily persuaded you are to buy things.”
“I am not that gullible!” Chang said indignantly but Yeongshin only needed to look down pointedly to Chang’s full arm of useless knick-knacks he had acquired. “...these are important,” Chang shifted his feet, almost squirming. “They are needed! Somehow. Someday. Eventually.”
Yeongshin raised one eyebrow.
Chang huffed. “Alright, fine! Muyeong was always the one who handled the purchase.”
“Because you had no restraint when shopping?”
Chang opened his mouth but immediately shut it up again with such an audible ‘click’ of his jaw. “I am not even going to dignify that with an answer,” Chang said haughtily. Yeongshin idly filed away his expression currently as ‘adorably sulking’ and kept walking.
“Of course, my lord ,” Yeongshin said impudently and earned a glare from Chang which only made him grin even wider. They continued walking and Chang continued to browse through the stalls only this time Yeongshin got strict control on him, stopping him before his impulses got the better of him and at most Chang would only buy one thing from each vendor. Yeongshin sent a prayer, thanking the late Muyeong’s soul for being by Chang’s side and feeling a sense of camaraderie now that he’s the one who had to rein in the little shopping-demon.
Chang was flitting away from stall to stall, moving forward so quickly Yeongshin was left a little bit behind. Concern was already forming in Yeongshin's mind especially when the market got even more crowded and there was less and less space to move about freely. A caution was already on the tip of Yeongshin’s tongue when he saw Chang bumped into someone, his stuff began to drop one by one.
Yeongshin’s body had already moved when he saw that and hurrying down when Chang twirled around only to bump into someone else. He watched as the gravity pulled Chang down. Yeongshin stretched out his hands and leaped out to catch his prince right on time before he hit his head on the earth.
Trying not to drop too many of Chang’s stuff, Yeongshin had to pull Chang into his embrace with his left hand while his right hand gently cupped Chang’s neck and pushed it into his shoulder. The person who bumped into Chang shouted a curse at them as they kept walking away in anger, Yeongshin didn’t really pay any attention to that. He gave Chang’s face a quick glance before releasing him carefully.
“Okay?” He asked Chang, eyes round and shocked. When he nodded his yes silently, Yeongshin began collecting the rest of the stuff that was dropped. Aside from snacks that were already trampled by people, everything was okay enough.
“Here it is, my lord,” Yeongshin said while giving Chang back his things. “I am going to go back to the inn now, you can give these things to me to put it in your room so you can continue browsing the market easier.”
Chang didn't answer right away, he was still looking at Yeongshin. His mouth was opened a little and eyes so big Yeongshin briefly thought that of a doe. Yeongshin called to Chang once more, peering closer to look at him in case he had hurt something.
Chang blinked once and shook his head. “No, I’m going back, too. I think I have enough shopping for today.”
“Please, you don’t have to feel like you need to accompany me—”
“I am not,” Chang answered back. “I really just want to go back to the inn with you too.” He fixed all his purchases in his arms and looked expectantly at Yeongshin, waiting for him to lead the way back to their inn. “Let’s go together.”
Yeongshin gave him one last look before taking some of the stuff from Chang’s hands and began walking ahead, Chang following suit after. The walk back to the inn was quiet while they walked side by side, on the crowded road, shoulders bumping often. But none of them minded it very much.
When they packed up to continue their journey, Yeongshin found a moss green pouch next to his pillow. On the inside was some of the knick-knacks Yeongshin had seen bought by Chang himself. He quickly pulled it shut, tied the pouch on his waist and quickly came out of the inn with something light inside his heart.
4.
Yeongshin hurried away in the muddy track, the sound of rain droplets falling on his hat and clothes a constant companion. He pulled his outer vest tighter around himself, concerned that he would get the package he had put inside there got wet.
What was supposed to be a simple retrieval task could very well put their mission into jeopardy.
He was late. The plan had been for him to meet up with the rest of the group three days ago, but the constant deluge had stalled him; the road was slippery and he had trouble seeing past his own hands. He had no choice but to wait—something that his other companions didn’t really have. Being idle in the open for far too long was never a safe option, they would have to leave Yeongshin behind and pressed on with the journey.
It was logical. It made sense, because if there was anyone who would be able to find their own way to the group easily, it would be Yeongshin. It would be much safer if Yeongshin were the one who catches up instead of the group waiting for him. They had done this several times already, it had become an agreement—if Yeongshin didn't show up for more than two days, they would move on ahead. But it still didn’t make him feel any less anxious—for Chang, to be exact.
It was not that he didn’t trust Do-Jin or the other mercenaries they hired to protect Chang and Seobi, it was just—well, when he couldn’t really see them, he’s just bound to be concerned.
The humble cottage they had agreed to be used as their base and their meeting point was already in sight, Yeongshin pushed his legs to run faster while trying not to fall into deep puddles. But when he saw a lone horse still tied up next to the cottage, he stopped so suddenly he almost dropped the package.
Who was still waiting for him?
He was about to slide open the door when someone else already did it and he came face-to-face with Chang. When their eyes met, Yeongshin saw how it softened and how Chang’s shoulder dropped a little, like tension dissipated from it. But it was such a miniscule change, Yeongshin was convinced he must have imagined it.
“My lord,” he said, his breath puffing in the cold rain.
Yeongshin would later reprimand himself on how his voice sounded so awed and outright besotted, but right now he’s in too much disbelief with the fact that his prince was still here. His prince was waiting for him . Wasn't he?
“You’re here,” Chang said and took in all of Yeongshin’s appearance who was soaked to the bone. “Let’s get inside.” with that he turned around and entered the cottage once more while Yeongshin scrambled to follow.
“My lord, shouldn’t we leave and catch up with Seobi and Do-jin now?” Yeongshin called out.
Chang didn’t answer as he puttered around and lit up the hearth once more. Chang pulled out three small pouches from his sleeves and sat near the hearth, motioning Yeongshin to come closer and dry himself. Yeongshin followed suit, with questions ready to be asked but Chang looked so serious all of it died before it went past his tongue.
“Are you injured?” Chang asked abruptly.
“Ah. Um—no, my lord,” Yeongshin answered. “The rain might have ruined one of my shoes but other than that, I am fine.”
“Are you sure? You are not hiding any minor injuries that could potentially lead to something deadly, are you?” Chang narrowed his eyes, shooting right through Yeongshin’s bad habit.
Yeongshin shook his head and chuckled. “I do not do that kind of thing anymore, my lord. I have learned my lesson with Seobi. If I’m hiding any wounds, she’s just going to heal it in the most excruciating and drawn-out way.”
They both shuddered at the reminder of how intense their physicist could be when it comes to their health.
Chang put away the pouches, “Very well. Let’s just stay here until the rain let up and you are dry once more. I would make you some tea but, well, there are no cups or pots here.”
“You are too kind, my lord.”
“Don’t mock me like that,” Chang said with an easy smile. “And it’s a one time offer only, so really, you are missing out.”
“I am most certainly not mocking you. You really are too kind, waiting out for me here, even though I arrived past our agreed time,” Yeongshin said while his eyes were on the fire in front of him, feeling too awkward saying it all right to Chang’s face. “I know how dangerous it is for you to stay, so—thank you, my lord.”
Yeongshin busied himself with warming his body, stretching his palm near the fire and focusing all his attention to it instead of nervously waiting for Chang’s reaction. But Chang was silent for quite some time. And when some time had passed, when Yeongshin thought Chang wouldn’t say anything in response and he was in the safe, Chang spoke.
“Do-Jin actually didn’t agree to this plan of mine,” he started. Yeongshin looked at Chang then, but the latter was now the one who avoided eye contact, looking intently at the burning hearth. “I think even Seobi was apprehensive about this. But I couldn’t make myself leave you just like that.”
“Why?” Yeongshin dared himself to ask. “We have done this before, my lord. Why is this time different?”
Yeongshin’s lungs heaved as something shifted in the air. The whole world felt like it slowed down as they, too, waited with Yeongshin for Chang. For he knew, the next words from Chang would be profound for him.
“Because it’s raining,” Chang answered quietly, eyes so far away. “It was raining when my mother died. My master left the palace right after a heavy rain. And it was raining the last time I was in the palace and saw my father alive. I don’t want you to be taken away by the rain, too.”
Chang looked at him then, a small smile that was too wrong on his face, “It’s silly, isn’t it?”
Yeongshin scooted closer to Chang—the closest he could ever dared to bring himself to, leaving just a fist of distance between them—and said, “I never liked sunset. They reminded me of when I walked away from my village. Of leaving my brother behind.”
Feeling his courage pooling in his heart, Yeongshin looked up directly into Chang’s gaze, “I think it's not silly to look at nature around you and be reminded of your families. After all, they will always be with us in memories. It would be weird instead if you are not reminded of them, at all.”
Yeongshin could feel the heat from the hearth emanating into his skin and he could hear clearly the sound of rain droplets falling into the roof of the cottage. He knew all of that was real and he held on tight to those, as he felt his vision becoming surreal when he saw Chang’s answering smile. Like a mist clearing up to reveal the starry sky, Chang’s smile was too radiant to be real, his previous smile looking forced and fabricated in comparison.
“Thank you, Yeongshin,” he said simply, his smile still there and eyes going even more fond.
Yeongshin nodded, once again too transfixed and afraid to look away. “Thank you. For thinking of me as your family. I am honored, my lord.”
“Family, huh,” Chang chuckled, looking away first into the fire once again. “Very well, then. That’s okay for now.”
Did—did he say something funny? “My lord?”
Chang shook his head, “Let’s just get you dry first. I think the rain is stopping. We’ll leave once you are ready.”
Yeongshin peeked outside the window and true enough, he heard the sound of the rain getting slower and fainter and saw the rays of sun shining through. He tried to get all of his hands and feet dry as quickly as possible—they had to catch up soon with Seobi and Do-Jin.
5.
The bandits were always the least likeable part of this journey for Yeongshin. Because even when there were literal undead monsters roaming around the land, people would still not stop taking advantage of other people. They were in the middle of hiking down from a village on the hills when they were ambushed.
In the flurry of the skirmish, Yeongshin saw one of the bandits disarm Chang. When the bandit brought his own weapon high, ready to deliver the killing blow, Yeongshin’s body moved straight and tackled him down quickly.
But still Yeongshin was not quick enough to immediately kill the bandit as he now struggled to break free from Yeongshin’s hold. Yeongshin threw a couple of punches right into the bandit’s face but then the bandit buckled strongly and pulled Yeongshin down as they rolled right into the side of the rocky hills.
Yeongshin could hear his name being called desperately but he didn't have enough time to worry about anything other than avoiding being slashed open by the bandit’s blade. He felt the rocks jabbing into every surface of his skin as they kept rolling away while struggling to kill the other.
When they finally stopped, Yeongshin had been waiting for it, he grabbed the arm holding the blade and twisted it broken. As the bandit screamed in pain, he pulled his dagger from his sleeves and jabbed it right into the bandit’s neck at the same time the bandit took hold of a sharp rock and hit Yeongshin’s left eye with it.
Everything had vanished and Yeongshin was left to feel only the pain flaring so bright and loud. But still his body knew what to do and his hand gripped his dagger tighter and kept pushing it deeper, ignoring how the bandit was also still hitting Yeongshin’s head and face with the rock. Two breaths later, the bandit was no longer moving and he pulled away his weapon, not even bothering to avoid the blood spurt.
Might as well, because Yeongshin’s vision was so murky and blurry already,the blood painting it dark red. His head rang and his mind slipped out of consciousness fast. The last thing he saw before everything turned black was the sight of Chang running down the hills toward him.
Yeongshin’s world came back with half of his vision obscured tight in a bandage, lying on a sick bed under the familiar roof of their tent. After gathering his consciousness, Yeongshin began taking notes of the injuries he sustained. He felt his hearts seized in panic as his whole left side of his body was unmovable. He thought he might have hurt something big and paralyzed half of his body only to find out it was because someone was sleeping on it.
Chang was sharing the bed with him, practically hugging Yeongshin's left arm, their feet tangling together and Chang's face nestled just so under Yeongshin's chin. Even if he wasn't pinned down by Chang, Yeongshin was sure he couldn't move either, too in shock after seeing how close their bodies were.
“He refused to leave you alone,” Seobi said quietly when she noted Yeongshin was awake. “I think Lord Chang almost punched Do-Jin in the face for daring to drag him away while I was sewing your wound. As soon as I said you just needed to rest, he collapsed next to you and just slept ever since.” She gently checked the gauze on his head. “How are you feeling, Yeongshin?”
“Like my head is split open,” he answered. “It’s not, right, Seobi?”
“No. You’re lucky you have such a hard head,” Seobi said with a fond, yet exasperated smile. But that smile was gone when she delivered the next news, "Your eye, on the other hand, I am not sure. The wound was not deep and the blood was mostly from the head injury. We will have to monitor it for at least a week."
Yeongshin gulped down. He would not be able to fight for a week. He was incapacitated and practically useless.
"Lord Chang's—"
"Do-Jin had arranged a meeting with some mercenaries in the nearest village," Seobi answered. "He is on his way there now so we could get a backup as soon as possible."
Yeongshin nodded wordlessly, relieved that Chang's protection was guaranteed. His mind was still running all the possible gaps, cracks, and weaknesses of their group and how to cover it when Chang moved in his sleep and nuzzled even tighter to Yeongshin. He let out a small yet audible sigh that made Yeongshin’s whole face felt warmer and his heart squeezed in a welcomed painful way.
“Ah—um, he’s—he is not hurt, is he?” Yeongshin stammered, forcefully taking his eyes to look at Seobi and not gape dumbly at how sweet Chang looked like this. “I was trying to push away the bandit that was trying to hurt him when I—”
“He is fine, Yeongshin,” Seobi cut him midway, not unkindly. “You saved him again. Although at this point it should be a given that you will always throw your body like it’s a weapon, seeing Lord Chang always so distraught whenever you are injured really takes a toll on my heart. Please be more careful—oh stop looking at me like that, you know what I mean.”
“Well it's just that you are asking me, his lordship’s bodyguard and bullet, to be more careful not to injure myself. You would have better chances at asking me to give you the cure to the plague, Seobi.”
Seobi’s mouth turned into a grimace. “Ugh, I will not be having this conversation with you half-blind like this. People will call me heartless when I inevitably smack you for your stupidity. Just recover fast and don’t make any of us worried to death about you.”
She turned around to leave him be but stopped, like she remembered something. With her head turned halfway toward Yeongshin, he could see her mouth opened and then closed again, her teeth worrying her lower lips as she debated on what to say. “You don’t gaze at your bullets like it physically hurts you to look away, Yeongshin.”
With that Seobi really walked away and Yeongshin could hear her puttering around for a while before the sound of the tent flap being opened was heard and she was out. He let out a slow and measured exhale as he brought his arm over his good eye, trying again for one last time to shield himself from reality.
He noticed it. Of course, Yeongshin noticed it, he tracked down many beasts just from cracked branches as his only clue! How could he not notice Chang’s small private smile that was only given to him? Or the way Chang always had his body automatically follow Yeongshin’s when they were out in the field? How could he not notice the warmth under Chang’s voice whenever they were talking alone?
He noticed it all because Yeongshin always had his eyes on Chang. He was supposed to. It was his job and purpose, keeping an eye out for Chang. Keeping him safe. What he didn’t anticipate was to have Chang’ eyes on him instead.
Falling in love with a noble was already a hard thing to endure, but having said noble returned your affections was perhaps nigh impossible to handle.
+1.
Yeongshin never really cared about flowers. They were pretty to look at yes, but aside from the ones that he knew were for healing, he had never had any real use for them. But now, sitting under a shade as he saw the large field of rape flowers blooming bright yellow, he supposed even ‘just looking pretty’ was also something he could enjoy even with just one eye.
His recovery was coming along nicely and he no longer needed his left eye to be bandaged. He tried to obey Seobi’s order to not put his body under so much strain, but it was hard. Whenever Chang was even the slightest bit in danger, Yeongshin’s heart screamed at his body to move and protect him at once. And, Heavens above, was Lord Chang a magnet for danger. At this point Yeongshin was convinced that him trying not to put his body in too much stress was already a stress on its own.
Today, Chang decided to take a brief respite for the day. Lounging quietly around the field, peaceful in the knowledge that with the rising temperature, there would be no danger of the monsters until sundown. The rest of the group agreed wholeheartedly and immediately scattered around, relaxing on their own way. Chang himself was walking aimlessly among the flowers, seemingly content on just wandering as he enjoyed the flowers.
Yeongshin watched him, as usual, as easy as it was for him to breathe.
The weight of his and Chang’s feelings settled heavily between his shoulders. For Yeongshin, there was never a choice from the beginning. When he started to realize the way his heart wanted Chang, he knew the only option was for him to conceal it. A greedy heart, wanting to covet something that was too precious, had no place if he wanted to keep Chang safe and his feeling was a flame that needed constant restrain and check unless it flared too big and consumed everything in sight.
And then there was Chang—with his gazes and touches and smiles, driving Yeongshin’s mind crazy. Because even though his brain recognized the pattern and could easily detect what it meant, it simply refused to use that knowledge on Chang’s behavior. It simply didn’t fit and if left alone, would certainly bring nothing but troubles in the future. Yeongshin had to set everything right back.
His heart thud so loudly inside his chest as Chang turned around, caught his eyes, and then waved at Yeongshin, his eyes softening into crescents. He took a deep breath and released it in one harsh exhale as he waved back and began approaching Chang. He faced down tigers and monsters, he could do this.
Tigers and monsters only kill you once. If this goes wrong, you will die all over again every day.
Yeongshin silenced that voice in his head and continued walking toward his prince who was waiting for him with a look so open it already made Yeongshin’s heart ache. Because this close, even as his brain still couldn’t acknowledge it, his heart recognized that look and practically basked in it—Lee Chang, at the very least, liked him back.
“I see you are getting even better,” Chang greeted him. “The bandage on your left eye has been removed.”
Yeongshin touched his eye, and traced along right where he was sure a small, faint white of a scar was forming. “As always, it is all thanks to Seobi. She did a good job on it.” It didn’t escape Yeongshin’s notice how Chang’s eyes followed the touch far too intently. When he put away his hand, Yeongshin also saw Chang’s own fingers twitching, but his hand stayed put.
“Thank you,” Chang said. “For saving me, as always.”
“You do not need to thank me for every job well done, my lord,” Yeongshin smiled at Chang, eyebrows raising and voice teasing. “We will be here until the next winter arrives if you do.”
Chang huffed aloud, “Hah! Look how cheeky you are now, answering back to me?”
Yeongshin gave back a grin as they basked together in their easy companionship and wondered if this kind of thing would still exist after today, after he laid bare all of their feelings to the surface. His apprehension must have been too clear on his face, for Chang also slowly stopped looking so merry and a different mood blanketed them both.
They gazed at each other in silence, unmoving amidst the swaying flowers. The world blurred together with the wind and it was just him and his prince, both of their hearts standing ready at the cliff, waiting.
Then Chang finally held his hand out and softly, reverently, cupped Yeongshin’s cheek, thumb barely brushing above the scarred eye and as Yeongshin closed his eyes, he surrendered everything all at once, falling.
“My lord,” he whispered, not even bothering to hide how his voice shook. “Why me.”
A chuckle was heard, “Why not you?”
In the darkness, Yeongshin only shut his eyes tighter, body fighting harder not to give in to the urge of nuzzling closer into Chang’s palm. “Because—it’s not—I don't understand how I could have—I am not—important enough to—”
“Hush, Yeongshin-ah.”
Yeongshin felt a hand pulled at his neck and his forehead was knocked gently by what felt like Chang’s own and a sob escaped his mouth, unbidden. Chang rubbed their foreheads softly and said again, “Hush, don’t you say that. You are important to me. To my heart.”
Yeongshin slowly opened his eyes as a particularly strong gust of wind blew and brought around them a storm of flower petals dancing around. When it all settled, Yeongshin saw nothing but the golden glow of his prince. The way sunlight blanketed Chang and how the flower petals danced around him—his heart yearned it all, painfully, desperately.
“This is a mistake, my lord,” Yeongshin tried again. “I will only burn you through.”
Chang pulled their heads even closer and harder together. “Then do it,” he said, his tone an order and a challenge at once. “I have been too cold for far too long, only an inferno can comfort me.”
Among the blossoming yellow petals, cradled by the person he cherished the most in the world, Yeongshin opened his heart and let the flame of his love run wild, crackling loudly as it burned through his veins and bones. And when Yeongshin felt another lips meeting his, he was no longer afraid of it hurting Chang, and just let it go as it consumed them both.