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The night was quiet as week-old death. The only semblance of noise was the click of a computer mouse and the squeak of a desk chair. How long had it been since he had gotten up? Hours? Perhaps even days? No one would be able to tell. The layer of dust around the room stood as a symbol of time past. In most situations, dedication of this magnitude would be considered impressive, even inspiring. The young blonde with undereye bags that seemed to overflow with more than just lack of sleep continuously scanned his eyes across the lit-up screen. His eyes momentarily darted to the on-screen clock only to see a stark 4:00 AM taunting him. The sun would rise soon enough. He leaned back in the chair while running a hand through hair that upon closer inspection had seen better days. Split ends, sporadic tangles, and a light covering of grease was a telltale sign of the young man's lack of care and loss of time. Time was a curious thing for the man as there wasn’t nearly enough of it. He didn’t want to waste a minute, there weren't enough seconds in the day for him to slow down.
Slender fingers lightly grazed the dangling red earring in his left ear. It was a traditional piece, crafted from the brightest ruby one had ever seen. The young man had very little left physically of his clan as they are long since gone. Even his clothing that fitted loosely over his body were that of a more metropolitan kind. His eyes trailed to the traditional Kurta clothing hung up gently in the closet which too carried a thin layer of dust on them. The young man could only think of the inevitable dust that the remains of his clan have become. His eyes clenched shut, his nose scrunching up as well before he shook his head before returning to the screen in front of him. He had not a single second to waste. Not when his clan had their seconds snatched away from them.
Before the young man could fully fall back into the seemingly endless void that was his research, a soft vibration buzzed against his thigh. He seemingly tried to ignore the sensation only to feel the vibrations over and over again. The young man took a deep breath, seemingly centering himself before begrudgingly pulling his phone out of his pocket and leaning back in the office chair, holding the phone above him as the light poured over his soft yet cracked features. The time was 4:03 AM and he had two missed calls from a certain med student. A small and almost sad smile graced the man's chapped lips. His arms slowly moved to his sides, about to slide the phone back into his pocket before that familiar vibration shook through his hand. Once again, the persistent med student called. The blonde stared down the phone with tired eyes. Who was he to answer? Did he deserve that right? Slowly the young man's fingers maneuvered into a tight fist, clenching tightly at his left side, seeming to ground him. He brought the same hand up to the phone in the other as it shook, hovering over the accept icon on the screen. If almost taunting the young man, just as his finger hit the screen, the call was dropped. The blonde's jaw clenched and his lips pursed into a tight line. The phone screen only showed another missed call and the time in a bright white reading 4:04 AM.
A new sound was the soft thump of his phone falling to the ground as he returned to the hunched position over the laptop in front of him. The screen had grown slightly dark from the lack of use over the course of just a few minutes. The top of the screen was littered with multiple open tabs with no discernible order. Each tab contained a news article or perhaps a local auction with even the slightest link to the coveted scarlet eyes. There wasn’t much on this version of the internet, yet it would be a waste not to try. Internet cafes closed and being tracked by a Hunter’s License really wouldn’t be the smartest move for anyone, nevermind a young man chained in a web of constant underworld doings and dangerous situations. As his eyes scanned the most recent news article, he reached for a scrap paper and a pen to write down a reminder to verbally pursue one of his many leads. There were many of these scrap papers littered over the desk, the handwriting varying from neat to nearly illegible. As he hurriedly wrote down a couple of words, a jarring and frankly generic ringtone rang through the air causing him to jump in his seat as his head whipped towards the phone taunting him from the floor. He quickly swooped the phone up and to his ear, pressing the accept symbol on the way up.
“Hello?” He answered with clear aggression laced in his voice.
“Kurapika, it's Leorio. Are you okay, man?” A voice responded seemingly not acknowledging the malice in the blonde's voice. For a moment, it was silent. Was he okay? He was alive and that was enough, right?
“I am. Is this an emergency?” Kurapika responded formally as he stiffened in place involuntarily preparing for the groan that was about to come from Leorio.
“I can’t just call to check up on you? You didn’t respond to any of us last week for your birthday so I personally think it’s reasonable for us to be a little worried.” Leorio said, each word growing in volume as if he was trying to drill the words into Kurapika’s mind. At the mention of his birthday, his shoulders dropped from their tightened position. He hadn't even noticed.
“My apologies for concerning you. I am fine. If that’s all you needed..” Kurapika began, responding as he always did to these types of calls before he was cut off.
“I don’t believe you. The last time I saw you, you looked like a walking corpse for God’s sake!” Leorio exclaimed through the phone, the volume causing Kurapika to pull the phone away from his ear slightly. “When was the last time you ate or slept? I know damn well you haven’t been keeping up with yourself hygienically either. Even if I wasn’t your friend, I’m gonna be a doctor one day. It would be insane for me to let you just kill yourself like this.” Leorio scolded over the phone, each word rushing out with the knowledge that the call could be ended at any moment. A slight wave of shame washed over the blonde. How long had it been since he ate? He wasn’t sure. That previous silence held in the air again, neither one knew how to respond. It was Leorio that broke the silence. “Listen…” he began, his voice unsure. “I know you like to do things on your own but you’re gonna burn yourself out. I’m not saying you need to stop. I’m just saying you gotta take a second to breathe.” He continued with a voice laced with a subtle pleading tone. “I don’t care how many times you try to push us away. Gon, Killua, and I care about you, man.” Leorio added on with a once again hurried voice. Kurapika stood silent, his eyes almost glazed over, as he felt his free hand twitching. He pulled the phone away from his ear, his eyes quickly scanning the phone for the time. It was 4:08 AM. His eyes trailed back to the laptop screen which has once again grown to the darken energy saver mode due to the lack of use. He was wasting time.
“Your concern is appreciated but not necessary. I am perfectly fine, Leorio. I will talk to you another time. Get some sleep yourself.” Kurapika mindlessly responded before hanging up the phone and returning to his seated position, quicking jogging the laptop awake. There wasn’t a moment to waste yet he continued to clutch the phone in his hand while trying to return to the task at hand. He couldn’t let the phone fall out of his hand again, it somehow was glued to him. Even as he maneuvered from website to website, the phone did not leave his palm.
It was 4:10 AM when he felt a buzz in his hand. It took only a moment but he pulled his tired eyes away from the laptop screen to see a text message from Leorio. It was long and had typos scattered through it yet the last clearly written phrase took him back.
“I know your revenge is important to you but don’t you think that your clan would want to see you live instead of just survive? The life you’re living isn’t really living, Kurapika.”
At first read, he felt anger building up inside him. The look of betrayal quickly flashing across his face only to quickly fade upon another text coming through.
“Don’t take it the wrong way man. I’m all for finding your clans eyes and kicking that Phantom Troupe into next week but what’s the point if you’re not alive at the end of it? I don’t want another friend to die.”
The anger that came from the first text was replaced with guilt. He wouldn’t die, would he? The blonde’s hands once again clenched his fists as he remembered how Leorio lost a friend due to something preventable. Was this the same thing? He looked back at the text for what seemed like an eternity. What would he say to that? Kurapika let out a sigh as he responded.
“You don’t need to worry, Leorio. I will take better care of myself. Thank you for your constant care.”
He hesitated to respond. Was he giving his friend false hope? Did he deserve to call Leorio his friend after all the worry he put him through? These questions banged in his mind as he quickly pressed send and shut his phone off in one quick motion. Kurapika sat for a moment. He glanced at the laptop. It was 4:15 AM. Perhaps, for tonight, he could go to bed early. For Leorio’s sake, if not his own. The blonde stared longingly at the laptop and its collection of open tabs before gently closing it before ghosting into the bedroom. The bed was still made from the last time he slept in it. It had been about a week since he generally would find himself asleep in the office chair after exhaustion took control. He looked around, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror in the corner of his room. The person he saw looking back at him was tired. For the first time, he saw the unhealthy pale skin, under-eye bags, and unkempt hair. Perhaps tomorrow, he would take advantage of a day off.
As he changed from the same suit he had worn the past four days into actual sleeping clothes, he glanced at the clock. It was 4:30 AM and he could not escape the thought of wasted time as he pulled the covers up and slipped into his bed. Leorio’s text flashed into his mind. What would his parents say if they saw him like this? Was he doing the right thing? Would he even be able to sleep in this state? He gripped the comforter tightly as he tried to expel the thoughts from his mind. For just once, he shut his eyes and allowed his body to relax into the mattress, bringing the comforter around him tightly. It felt nice though the blonde doubted he deserved to feel any form of comfort. Those thoughts tried to force themselves further into his mind yet the embrace of sleep took the blonde over. No one could see but for the first time in months, the young man had a genuinely calm look plastered to his face. His quiet breathing was the only sound that could be heard in the room. This may only be a temporary stop on this Icarus-like man's journey but perhaps, if even for a moment, he could prevent his flight directly into the sun and just revel in the light.