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The bright lights began to dim slowly. The coloured lights had stopped flashing moments ago. A sweet melody began to fill the room. Many couples slowly move to the middle of the room. They begin to sway back forth, holding each other close.
Jotaro Kujo stood outside on the balcony, smoking a cigarette. The cool, winter air pricked at his skin. Jotaro should have grabbed his coat before coming outside. Suddenly a voice called from behind him. A voice that sent shivers down his spine yet gave him the feeling of sitting near a fire. Jotaro looked back to see Kakyoin Noriaki walking toward him, a small smile on his face. Jotaro returned the same smile.
Jotaro couldn’t help but feel wounded by Kakyoin’s beauty. He wore an all-black suit with the small flaps at the back. He also had a dark green shirt underneath, a black tie, and a pocket square that was white with cherries on it. Jotaro felt like he could have done better with his look. It was a simple black suit with a white shirt underneath, except he wore a purple bowtie.
“Can I have one?” Kakyoin asked.
“Smoking is bad for your lungs”
“Don’t make yourself a hypocrite, that look doesn’t suit you” Kakyoin crossed his arms. Jotaro sighed then passed him one. He then pushed his cigarette out in the ashtray and reached for another.
Jotaro lit his cigarette, then passed his lighter towards Kakyoin. Kakyoin instead grabbed Jotaro’s arm and pulled him closer. He connected his cigarette to Jotaro’s and looked him right in the eyes. Jotaro stared intensely back at him. Kakyoin began to blush a deep shade of crimson and pulled away once his cigarette was lit.
“You look very handsome tonight,” Kakyoin said
“As do you, the cherry pocket square is my favourite part of all.”
They slowly moved closer to each other. Kakyoin felt a magnet, always being pulled towards Jotaro. Even though the fear of what would happen to both of them if they were together kept Kakyoin at bay, he could never stay away from Jotaro.
And that’s why they were here, but not together. They came with other women. Women who were their “partner’s” but that meant nothing to them. But they needed to seem normal in front of everyone else, otherwise, the consequences would lead to certain death.
They continued to smoke in silence for the next few minutes. Enjoying the fact that they could be close to each other, even though they craved more.
Kakyoin took a quick look back. No one stood near the door, and many were still dancing. It would be safe. Kakyoin turned back and began to move his hand slightly down towards Jotaro’s. Every part of him wanted to cling to Jotaro and be held by him, but they would be caught easily. Even though holding his hand never felt like enough, Kakyoin had to take what he could get.
When his fingers touched Jotaro’s palm, he felt electricity run through his entire body. All nerves were on edge, but when their fingers intertwined, all those nerves faded. And Kakyoin felt the warmth that he had longed for.
Jotaro took another puff, and a light shade of pink appeared on his cheeks. He wished that there was a more secluded area. One where they could be more alone. He wanted to hold Kakyoin, to kiss him and tell him that he loved him more than anything.
They stood there for a few more minutes again. Just holding hands. Kakyoin looked up to the sky, he watched as snowflakes began to fall from the dark sky. Watching them gave him hope. It made him feel that there would always be light in the darkness, and for him that light was Jotaro.
“Noriaki…” Jotaro whispered, continuing to look out at the city beyond them.
Kakyoin turned his head slightly and squeezed Jotaro’s hand tighter.
”I love you…with all my heart, forever.”
Kakyoin’s heart skipped a beat. He felt himself start to tear up but tried to keep to the tears from falling. There was no better feeling than hearing those words. But, at the same time, those words were like a knife to his heart, and the pain of not being able to be with Jotaro even though it was all he ever wanted, was starting to become unbearable.
“I…” Kakyoin began with a small, quivering voice. But he then cleared his throat, trying desperately to be strong.
“I love you too.”
Then they pulled away from each other and began to regain their composure, to look normal again for when they walked back inside. Jotaro nodded at Kakyoin as he walked back to the ballroom. Kakyoin looked toward the sky again, tears rolling down his cheeks.
Kakyoin hated this feeling. The feeling of being alone again, and the coldness that came with it. Knowing that he could never be with the one he truly loved, it made him want to die. A part of him had been considering it, for many years now. But his only saving grace was Jotaro, and he didn’t want to leave him alone, to suffer more than they already were. If there was one thing he never wanted to do, it was to hurt Jotaro.
He took a few deep breaths, then wiped his eyes. Hoping that people would believe they were red because it was cold outside. He then turned to go back into the ballroom.
———
Back in the room, the lights were still dim, and soft music was still playing. Kakyoin walked back over to his “partner” who he came with. She asked if he was alright and he nodded, giving her the best smile he could possibly muster. She nodded then went to another table to talk with her friends. Kakyoin could only assume that all of them were judging other women by their dresses and makeup. Or complaining about how this night was going awful.
He scanned the room to see if he could find Jotaro again. He noticed that a lot of men wore basically the same suit, looking around was almost boring. However, it wasn’t difficult for him to find Jotaro. Kakyoin watched as the woman Jotaro came with complained to him. Probably about something stupid like him leaving her alone.
Kakyoin continued to watch Jotaro from afar, part of him wishing that he could be the one over there nagging at Jotaro. With every song change, Kakyoin wanted to go over to Jotaro, and ask him to dance. To break every rule that he had been taught, to make everyone else unhappy, just so that he could be happy even if it was only for a short time.
Within seconds he shook the urge away, pushing it away. He then got up and walked over to where his date was.
“Shall we dance?” He asked politely, holding out his hand. She nodded and took his hand; then they walked to the dance floor. Kakyoin brought her to a spot that was closer to Jotaro’s table so that he could look at him a little more. It was hard not to.
They swayed back and forth, in the same spot and Kakyoin kept his eyes on Jotaro. He would notice that every few seconds Jotaro would glance back at him, but tried to be subtle about it.
Just before the next song began, Jotaro’s date nagged him onto the dance floor. Kakyoin could hear her nasally voice in the background. He wondered how Jotaro, or anyone for that matter, could stand her voice. Despite being upset that he wasn’t able to dance with Jotaro, Kakyoin was happy that they were close to each other. The next song then began to play. There was a beautiful piano melody, in the beginning, then the song became more upbeat when the lyrics started.
Downtown, we let it go,
Sunset high and our bodies low,
Blood rush in the hazy glow,
My hand, your bones,
Jotaro and Kakyoin exchanged glances every so often. Jotaro wished he could run to him, and hold him while they danced around the room. He didn’t want to dance with anyone else, nor see Kakyoin with someone else.
Loose up, we break the scene,
One step deep as you fall to me,
Kakyoin felt a pain in his heart hearing these lyrics. And it was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore his feelings.
Heart clap, we skip a beat
Count one, two, three
Jotaro began to bite the inside of his cheek while trying to hide the pain in his eyes.
And don’t you stop the music
Get into it
Won’t you dance with me?
Find a place and lose it
You can do it
Won’t you dance with me?
Neither Kakyoin nor Jotaro could take their eyes away from each other.
Jotaro then only acted on instinct. Not being able to handle the feelings that felt like they were bursting at the seams. He let go of his “partner’s” hands and walked away, moving towards Kakyoin. He could hear her voice calling after him, but he ignored it. Jotaro then stole Kakyoin’s hand away from the other woman and brought Kakyoin into his own arms.
They began to slowly sway back forth, and all attention was on them. Though, neither Kakyoin nor Jotaro seemed to care. They began to spin around the room, their bodies in perfect sync with each other.
The lights gradually changed from white to blue, Jotaro looked up to see small snowflakes fall from the ceiling. They were small and fell slowly. Jotaro looked back at Kakyoin who was smiling, gleefully. The snowflakes falling on his red hair made him look more beautiful than anyone else he had ever seen. It was a perfect moment.
Jotaro couldn’t help but smile, wider than he ever had before. He felt true happiness. They danced through the whole song, and only looked at each other.
The song was coming to an end and the beat slowed.
Move your feet and feel it in the space between,
You gotta give yourself a moment, let your body be
We gotta lose it,
We gotta lose it.
It was all so beautiful and right, that it felt like a dream.
“Hey! Jotaro!” A voice called out.
Jotaro suddenly was brought back,
Back to reality.
“What’s going on with you? The song was over a minute ago and you’re standing here like a madman! Come, we need to leave now!” His “partner” spoke.
Jotaro realized that he had only been dreaming, but it felt so real, that he almost fooled himself. Fooled himself into thinking that something like that could ever just happen. Fooled himself into thinking that it was that simple.
All he did was hurt himself more. He needed to stop giving himself false hope, and remember what kind of world he lived in. One where he would never be accepted.
He then slowly walked over to his table and grabbed his coat. He looked up at Kakyoin, who was still on the dance floor. They both looked at each other in the eyes. Jotaro nodded and Kakyoin did the same.
Not long after, Kakyoin left with his “partner.” On the drive home, they could only make small talk, and that was about as far as their relationship went. Kakyoin wished he could have any sort of connection to this woman, maybe that would help his feeling of loneliness. But alas, there was nothing to their relationship, and that only made Kakyoin feel worse.
After getting home, he decided to go straight to bed, feeling mentally exhausted from earlier. He fell asleep quickly and with ease, which was quite unusual for him. But that night, Kakyoin dreamed of him and Jotaro, in a winter wonderland. They wore all-white suits and were skating on a frozen pond. Holding hands as they glided across the ice. Kakyoin knew he was dreaming, but he was too happy and did not want that feeling to go away.
Even if the world never allowed him and Jotaro to be together, Kakyoin knew he loved Jotaro, and knew Jotaro felt the same. If they couldn’t be together in real life, they would find each other in their dreams and never let go.