Work Text:
Seokjin made the biggest mistake of his life.
He is hyper-aware of the fact as he pulls out of the driveway. He shouldn’t drive in this state; his hands are shaking too much get a grip on the steering wheel. He can barely focus on the road, his vision too blurry with the tears he refuses to shed.
Seokjin isn’t someone who runs away from his problems, he always faces a problem head-on, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
However, after doing that to Namjoon? He doesn’t want to face that reality. He can’t.
He texts Yoongi after parking his car, telling him he’s left and won’t be back until Thursday. He deletes Namjoon’s messages before he can read them.
When Seokjin walks through the doors of his childhood home, he is met by his mom. She slaps his arm and questions “Seokjin-ah! Why are you here? Go back home!” She prepares another light slap on his arm before she takes note of her son’s facial expression and immediately softens.
“Oh, my little one, what’s wrong?” She hugs him tight, and it’s almost so hard that Seokjin can’t breathe.
Seokjin doesn’t want to answer. If he says it out loud, the situation will feel much more real. He shakes his head and asks instead, “Can I stay here for a couple of days?”
“Yes, of course. Have you eaten? You look so skinny. I’ll make you some food.” His mom strokes his cheek softly and then she hurries off into the kitchen.
His mom sets the table, carefully eyeing Seokjin with every dish she puts there.
Seokjin thinks back to that morning. If he closes his eyes he can almost sense the smell of the forest that Namjoon carries with him, he can feel the sensation of their skin pressed together and he can hear the sound of the bed creaking. He’s never going to get it back.
“What is the matter, Seokjin?” His dad asks him as he sits down around the dinner table.
The scenes of everything he’s lost continues to play behind his eyelids and he can’t form the words. Oh god, what has he done?
He thanks his parents for the dinner he barely ate, then he stands in the shower. Along with the dirt and grime of the day, he washes away the numbness he’s felt. He is hit by a wave of sorrow so forceful it almost knocks him over. What has he done, he can't turn back now, what has he done, oh god he’s gone and ruined everything.
Seokjin’s old room used to bring him comfort, he liked to look at his Mario figurines. Now, it’s a sharp reminder of what a failure he is. He made a mess of things. He should be in the dorm, sleeping in his shared room with Yoongi.
He said he would be back on Thursday. He doubts that now as well. Do his boys even want him to come back, after what he’s done? Maybe they would even be better off without him. Where would he go? He crawls under his bedsheets, wet hair uncomfortable on his pillow. Seokjin wishes he knew what to do.
As hopelessness settles heavy on his chest, Yoongi texts him. It’s a video of a review of the dance practice he missed, and a short message that says ‘come back soon’.
***
Seokjin spends the next day in bed. His mother stops by occasionally and sits on the side of his bed and strokes his hair. It reminds him of his childhood and the soft hugs and cuddles he received when he was sick.
After the sun has set, his mother reappears, but she doesn’t pet his hair. She sits on his bed with her hands in her lap.
“Did something bad happen with the band?” his mother asks him, and Seokjin knows it’s his father who has sent her to pry information.
Seokjin shakes his head.
“Is it something with, uh, your Namjoon?” Seokjin smiles weakly. She still struggles using the word boyfriend.
Seokjin nods. It stings in his lungs as he says, “we broke up.”
On Wednesday, the third day, Seokjin’s brother drops by, no doubt on commission from his parents. Seokjin’s Hyung takes him out for drinks at a gloomy small bar, where Seokjin surely could pass by anonymous.
When they get seated at a table in the far back, his brother turns and looks at him intensively.
“Mom told me that Namjoon-ssi broke up with you?”
“No, I broke up with him.” Seokjin feels the correction is meaningless, he’s still here, heartbroken, nonetheless.
“Oh, mom thought you seemed so devastatingly heartbroken she thought you must’ve gotten dumped.” His hyung laughs then but turns serious quickly because Seokjin doesn’t laugh with him. His chest feels hollow.
“You are heartbroken, aren’t you?”
He is heartbroken, he really is. But the root of the problem stems back to something much more paralyzing. It’s the fear that encloses him. How he then let that fear control him. He’s still scared of the number of eyes that are watching them, he’s scared that all of their dreams suddenly started materialising. He realised how terrifying it is that just one wrong step could shatter everything in the blink of an eye.
He realised that all of their futures were jeopardized, so Seokjin made a decision.
Break up with Namjoon. He talked himself into it, thought about it for weeks. It was a small sacrifice for a bigger purpose, Seokjin thought. Let Namjoon go and make sure their relationship would ever be a reason why Namjoon couldn’t reach all of his dreams.
He thinks back to Namjoon, the last time he saw him; His eyes wide in disbelief, an invisible bullet lodged inside of his chest. Namjoon gasping for air. A fatal wound, that Seokjin put there.
There’s a bullet in his own chest too, and he’s bleeding out -slowly, invisibly, but surely.
There was nothing special that triggered Seokjin’s decision to go through with the breakup. When making a decision, he has always gone through the steps in a logical pattern.
When he joined bighit it wasn’t because his heart was telling him to. He weighed the cons and pros of joining until the pros outdid the cons.
Just like any other decision, his heart wasn’t involved in the decision making. It was twitching painfully in his chest as he went over the reasons why he should break up with Namjoon. He was terrified of the life he had found himself living. He had no logical solution for that.
It was all a mundane day and a mundane evening.
Namjoon had climbed into bed beside him, glasses sitting low on his nose and his eyes focused on the book he was reading. Seokjin was overwhelmed with the love in his chest at that moment, how that love extends to all versions of Namjoon. The confident, sexy, Namjoon that came alive on stage, the goofy nerd, his best friend Namjoon. This Namjoon, the soft, sleepy, shirtless before bed Namjoon. Seokjin loves him so fiercely.
As Seokjin reached out to cuddle closer to his boyfriend, the thought reappeared in his head. You love him, possibly more than anything else. You love him, but that love is risking everything you have. Your love for him is endangering His Future. He deserves so much more than you. Everything might be lost if you don’t.
It was perhaps selfish to initiate sex that morning when Seokjin knew that it was the end. Namjoon touched him and kissed him and professed his love in whispers and moans. Seokjin held onto him, hands roaming his back, hugging him closer, as if he held tighter, time would stop and they could stay there. As Namjoon rolled away from him, post-orgasm bliss on his face, Seokjin felt the sorrow build up in his chest.
It was a mundane day until Seokjin decided to pull the trigger.
Right at the moment after, he wished to have it all be undone. Go on his knees and beg for forgiveness. Seokjin knew he couldn’t. He had already killed them both.
***
Jungkook quietly pads into Jin’s room, wordlessly requests some space beside his hyung.
“I was afraid you wouldn’t come back.”
Jungkook’s words hit him harder than he expected. How could he have considered just vanishing? How could he even think to leave the person he fiercely swore to always protect?
“I wouldn’t leave you, Junggugah.”
Jungkook is nice, he doesn’t press for answers as to why Seokjin disappeared. He offers cuddles and he pets his hair. He doesn’t mention the silent tears running down his hyung’s face.
Yoongi, however, does press.
“For the first time since I got to know you, I don't understand you, at all,” Yoongi says, voice stiff and his brows furrowed. Seokjin has seen the look on his face numerous times, he’s angry and he’s trying to hold it back.
“You broke up with Namjoon? Like, what the fuck? I thought you two were ready to elope any second. You didn’t just fall out of love so, what the fuck, hyung.”
Elope. If Seokjin had any energy in him, he’d laugh bitterly. Maybe Seokjin thought so too. Imagined it even, a few times. The two of them in a foreign country exchanging vows and rings. A ceremony that would be illegitimate back home, but would’ve been something.
A promise of their love in front of their friends. Yeah, eloping would’ve been nice. They wouldn’t ever now, though.
“You know well things are more complicated than that, Yoongi,” Seokjin replies. Yoongi, who always writes about complicated relationships doesn’t let him budge.
“But you and Namjoon were never complicated.”
***
“The way to get over a break up is to puzzle?” Seokjin questions as Yoongi pours out a bag of puzzle pieces on the table.
“No, but it keeps your fingers and your mind busy so you don’t do anything stupid,” Yoongi replies easily.
Seokjin thinks about a shark documentary Namjoon forced him to watch. The documentary was something about how white sharks die if they aren’t constantly in motion. When they’re kept in aquariums, they end up swimming full-speed into the walls, which is why no white shark ever survives in confinement. Seokjin realises maybe he is a white shark and he’ll drown if he stops moving.
“My mind and fingers would be busy if I was playing a game, you know.” Seokjin tries to dispute, but to no avail.
“But gaming fuels your murderous instinct and I’m the first one at hand to be murdered, so. Puzzle,” Yoongi clarifies solemnly.
“I’m a pacifist! No murder! I’m nice!” Seokjin yells and throws a puzzle piece at Yoongi.
“Ah, see puzzling is nice. You’re already behaving more like yourself.” Yoongi smiles and then throws back the puzzle piece at Seokjin.
“You sort out the sky pieces and I can sort the building ones,” Yoongi tells him and pours a bag of boring looking puzzle pieces in front of him. Seokjin stares at him, waits for him tell him some comforting I’m-Min-Yoongi-your-best-friend advice, but he doesn’t. Seokjin searches through the one thousand puzzle pieces for blue ones. Turquoise. Orange. White ones. He wonders why Yoongi gave him the shittiest task.
“This really sucks,” Seokjin announces after a while. He’s been sorting these stupid puzzle pieces for half an hour and he’s only been able to match three pieces. Yoongi looks up at him and nods like he understands that maybe Seokjin isn’t talking about the puzzle at all.
“Why are you taking care of me? I mean, I was the one who fucked things up. Not Namjoon.” Seokjin gives up on the puzzle. It won’t fix anything.
“You’re my best friend and even if you’re being a shithead, I’ll take care of you.”
***
He tells the boys he is going home over their week of no schedule. He definitely had plans to go home, in fact, when he sat down in his car he had packed his bags for staying at his parents’ house. Somewhere between driving out of the garage and going onto the highway, he changed his mind and ended up driving for hours until he found himself in Busan.
He finds a small motel that has an ocean view. He books a room for five days. The old woman who owns the motel has a face full of wrinkles and a big smile on her face as she greets Seokjin.
“Oh, handsome young man!” Seokjin bows, face burning. Then he notices that fear again, the one that swims around in his ribcage. Does she recognise me?
He greets her hello and gets her keys when he’s burdened with another question.
“Are you here alone? A handsome man like you must have a girlfriend!” The old lady proclaims. Even if it’s statement Seokjin is used to, it still stings.
“Ah, no, I’m alone,” is what he manages to answer as he hurries off to his room.
The room is small, the walls are brown and the only thing he has is an old tv and a double-bed. It’s different from the lavish hotel rooms he’s gotten used to, and somehow that’s all he wanted.
He takes a walk on the beach, watches the blue of the ocean and he tries to not think about Namjoon as the waves hit the shore.
He sees an old man sitting by himself on a bridge, just watching, maybe longing, like Seokjin is. He wonders if the old man has been alone for a long time. Maybe he made the same mistake Seokjin did, perhaps he also let the love of his life go, to be doomed to a life alone.
Seokjin realised this, he would have to learn now, how to be alone. It was different to be alone when he felt his heartbeat was always connected to someone else's. He was never truly alone, in all the hard moments, he always had Namjoon.
Namjoon would move on eventually. Seokjin knew this too. Namjoon could never fixate on just one thing for long, he always had several projects in the air at the same time. Old songs and old ideas faded. Maybe Seokjin will fade from Namjoon, too, as new people, new lovers will come into his life.
Seokjin will stay stagnant, the same ache in his chest. Just like a cliff in the middle of the sea, unmoving as everything else passes by. Until the day he’s old and grey.
Someday, maybe, he’ll stand at a pier, looking into the waters thinking about the greatest love of his life. Alone.
Even as he slowly wakes up in a foreign bed, his hand travels the sheets to reach for Namjoon. As his fingers meet cold fabric instead of a warm body, he remembers.
He’s alone.
***
“You know you need to talk about it,” Yoongi tells him in the car, his eyes not leaving the game on his phone. Ah, the big It. The subject doesn’t have to be brought up by name anymore. His and Namjoon’s break up has left a big enough dent in their lives for it to be left unnamed.
“I’ve talked about it,” Seokjin rejects because he has. To some extent.
“You haven’t,” Yoongi retorts and adds, “I mean Namjoon talks about it.” Seokjin wonders what has been said when he has been absent. Normally in breakups, people don't share the same friends, same band, same dorm. He should be able to talk about his break up without his best friend knowing the stories from his ex too.
“I am perfectly fine not talking about it.”
***
Jimin started the night drinking with Seokjin. They didn’t talk about the break-up, but Seokjin could feel the subject floating in the air after a few drinks. Before Jimin called it a night, he drunkenly told Seokjin that with a face like his, moving on wouldn’t be a problem. The words stung in his chest.
Seokjin continued drinking after he was left alone in his hotel room. Moving on is no problem? He needed to numb the ache. It’s has never worked before, but maybe this time, it will. Maybe one more drink will make him miss Namjoon a little less. Moving on is no problem.
He isn’t even all that drunk as he walks down the corridor of the hotel room. The gnawing in his heart got strong enough that it carried his feet all the way to Namjoon’s room.
Seokjin’s stomach jumps when Namjoon opens the door, hair tousled, tired look on his face. He looks like every dream Seokjin has ever had.
“I miss you, Namjoon-ah- please.” To miss Namjoon isn’t a strong enough word to describe the hollow part of him, it always hurts, in the absence of him. “I want you, please let me stay the night with you, please.” I’m scared you’ll forget about me. Seokjin wants to fill the void in his heart, just for a little bit.
So there he is, on his knees in front of Namjoon. Seokjin should be begging for Namjoon to take him back. Instead, he pulls Namjoon’s pants down.
Seokjin leaves kisses along with Namjoon’s hip bones, planning to go further down with each kiss, but then he’s being pushed away.
“I can’t.” Namjoon’s voice shakes and he pulls his pants up again. Seokjin opens his mouth to beg? Argue? He doesn’t know. Namjoon looks him in the eye as he admits, “I’m seeing someone.”
When Seokjin was a small child he climbed a tree. As he reached far up into the branches he lost grip and he fell all the way to the ground. He remembers trying to cry for his mom but all the air had been knocked out of him. He doesn’t cry for his mom now, as he struggles to take a breath.
He scrambles to leave. Shame, guilt and panic flood his consciousness and suddenly he’s completely sober.
Taking a deep breath, Seokjin opens a second hotel room door of the night.
Yoongi is lying curled up in his pyjamas on the bed. He has headphones in and hasn’t noticed Seokjin’s presence yet. He knows he should leave before Yoongi notices.
Yoongi looks so small, lying in the middle of the bed. Seokjin has noticed the dark circles under Yoongi eyes have grown darker lately, and his shirts and pants look baggier on him.
Seokjin shouldn’t bother him. Yoongi has enough worries on his own. He shouldn’t have to deal with Seokjin’s broken heart as well.
Seokjin’s hesitation takes too long because just as he is about to leave, his friend looks up from his phone and their eyes meet. Yoongi’s expression softens. Seokjin realises that, despite Yoongi’s seemingly physical fragility, he’s a strong pillar, unwavering and always supporting Seokjin.
“Are you okay?” Yoongi asks and makes room next to him on the bed.
“I don’t do emotions, haven’t we established that already?” Seokjin mutters as he lies down next to Yoongi.
“I always know how you’re feeling, hyung. What’s wrong?” Yoongi frowns at him, Seokjin supposes he’s right. Yoongi has always been able to read Seokjin like a book.
”He’s seeing someone, Yoongi.” Seokjin throws his arms around Yoongi’s shoulders, laying his body weight upon him.
”What? Who?” Yoongi struggles to say, as he fights to push Seokjin off him.
“Namjoon, of course. Why would I come here if it wasn’t?” Seokjin retaliates stroking the back of Yoongi’s head.
“Wasn’t it you who doesn’t do emotions“ Yoongi teases, then in the next breath he says,
“He isn’t, hyung. You’re imagining it, probably.”
“No, no, he told me he was.” Seokjin’s heart spasms as he recalls the coldness of Namjoon’s words. Seokjin breathes out heavily. Yoongi stops rubbing circles into Seokjin’s back.
“Hedidntwanttohavesex” Jin says in one breath and in the next he continues, ”because he’s seeing someone.” His eyes start to blur. He didn’t expect it to happen this soon. He needed more time. Fuck. He wasn’t ready for Namjoon moving on.
“That’s a load bullshit, he has been spending all of his awake hours in his studio,” Yoongi explains, rationally and calmly. Seokjin is thankful his friend isn’t going off on him telling him about how stupid post-breakup sex is. He knows it’s idiotic. It wouldn’t stop him from missing Namjoon.
Yoongi’s hands start going in circles around Seokjin’s back as he continues. “He wouldn’t have time to date anyone.” Seokjin almost wants to believe him.
“Namjoon and I had plenty of time for booty calls in his studio, why not now, but with someone new?” Seokjin’s hands are shaking. Memories of rushed sex in Namjoon’s studio floods Seokjin’s mind. The way Namjoon’s voice sounded as he said he wanted to record Seokjin’s moans.
Those memories were nothing special at the time, merely a casual day to day thing, but now they have become precious memories to him, Seokjin pushes it out if his head. Instead, he imagines Namjoon kissing someone else, fucking someone else, loving someone else. It’s excruciating.
“Hyung, I didn’t need to know that.” Yoongi groans. “He isn’t seeing someone,” Yoongi tells him firmly. “But when he does move on, you need to let him go.”
Seokjin doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol he consumed or if it is something else, but he feels like throwing up.
“Fuck, I really screwed up didn’t I?” Seokjin chokes out, tears finally falling from his eyes.
“Hey, hey- hyu- Seokjin.” In hard times like this, to tear down walls of distance created by an age hierarchy, Yoongi likes to pretend the two of them are same-age friends, and Seokjin lets him. “Don’t go there, we will get through this,” Yoongi tells him, soft and strong.
***
What do I do when all of this is over? The thought ricochets through Seokjin’s head, as he looks out over a sea of people. As the lights on the crowd flicker and changes colour, Seokjin is faced with another fear, different from his previous ones. What if I really end up alone?
In a perhaps foolish dream, he hoped they would all stay together until their hair grew grey. They were happiest together, strongest together. How could he live a whole lifetime without it?
If they all went their separate ways, would they all meet up every once in a while with their respective families? Maybe they would meet up around holidays and reminisce about the old days. Seokjin imagines Namjoon showing up with a faceless woman on his arm and they’re announcing they're getting married. What would Seokjin do then?
Maybe Seokjin would stop showing up to the gatherings. Maybe he would stand by the sea alone, longing for a love and a family that’s no longer his.
What was the purpose of fame and glory if the people most important to him, weren’t in his life? Seokjin knows that he does not want to end up like the man standing alone looking at the ocean. He realises his previous fears of failure is far less terrifying than a future where he is without the people that matter the most to him.
Seokjin prepares to get through the last song before the concert is over, thinking about words Yoongi said once “ I wish that the 7 of us will continue to stay together, whether we became 30, 40 or 50 years old”. Seokjin wishes that too, heart aching with hope that their foolish dream will come true.
After the lights go down and the screams go silent, backstage is the quiet that pulls all of them back together. They’re all exhausted, longing to go home and sleep.
Then the silence breaks, the whisper of Jimin’s voice sounding through the changing room.
“Namjoon-hyung, are you okay?”
He turns around to see, and how could he not have noticed? Namjoon looks wrecked by anxiety. Before he had been so wired to all of Namjoon’s emotions, he could instantly tell when something was wrong.
Seokjin tries to step forward. He wants to do something, hold his hand, kiss him, hug him. It used to help.
Hoseok steps in front of him, an unusually harsh look on his face. “Hyung, you should go home.”
Something in his chest disconnects as he understands the words implied. You’re making it worse. Namjoon doesn’t need you.
Seokjin can’t get his feet to work, he should turn around. Jimin is there, comforting Namjoon. Taking up a space Seokjin used to possess.
A hand touches his shoulder -Yoongi- softly bringing him back to reality.
“You can’t help him, now, we should go home, hyung.”
***
Seokjin overheard a conversation between Yoongi and Hoseok one late evening. Seokjin had fallen asleep on the couch at the dorm. Just as Yoongi and Hoseok had walked in, Seokjin had woken up again, prepared himself to go into his own room to sleep, but he couldn’t be bothered, staying still with closed eyes.
At first, they were only speaking about songs, samples, production, instruments. Then their conversation shifted to something more serious, Seokjin attuned his attention.
“Namjoon is doing better,” Hoseok whispers, voice hushed and soft, maybe as not to wake Seokjin.
“You got him out of the studio?” Yoongi asks him, Seokjin can hear the teasing smile in his voice. There’s worry tugging at Seokjin’s heart, wondering how Namjoon is doing.
“Mm, barely.”
“Is he seeing anyone?” The curiosity in Yoongi’s voice intrigues Seokjin. Hoseok as always kept an eye on Namjoon, even before debut.
“No, I definitely don't think so. You know how he refused when we implied he should, why do you ask? Do you know anything?” Relief streams through Seokjin’s body, listening to Hoseok’s words. He still had time to prepare. Time to find out how to survive the prospect of Namjoon moving on.
“No, just wondering.”
Seokjin wonders if Yoongi knew he was awake there on the couch. If he decided to try to give Seokjin a push in the right direction or if they really were just gossiping. Unintentional or not, hope that Namjoon has not yet moved on spreads throughout his chest, warm, longing.
***
The snowfall grows heavier, it covers the windshield of his car, a thick layer that hinders any view from the outside. Seokjin sits there, with his head leaning against the steering wheel. He’s been in this parking lot for too long now, his breaths are turning into smoke in the cold. He’s starting to shiver.
An hour ago, Seokjin asked Namjoon if they could get back together. Since then, he has been unable to get himself back together. Namjoon still loves him. At least he has that. He still loves Seokjin, even if he doesn’t want him.
Seokjin brought them to the café in hopes of Namjoon reminiscing about their past, realising he wants it back, take Seokjin back.
Seokjin’s attempt failed. As he watched Namjoon walk away, Seokjin still hoped, that he had a second chance. He wasn’t deserving of a do-over. Selfishly, Seokjin wished that Namjoon would change his mind, turn back around and say that all was forgiven.
Namjoon turned a corner, disappearing out of Seokjin’s sight. He knew that he’d have to work harder, wait longer, for Namjoon to forgive him.
***
“I think I need to talk about it.” Seokjin’s chest feels lighter when he says it, admitting that everything that has accumulated, is too big to deal with on his own.
“Like with me, or?” Yoongi stills in his movement, no longer stirring the spoon in his coffee.
“That too, but I meant professionally, with a therapist. Not the one we all talk to sometimes? Someone for myself? Talk some shit out.” Seokjin exhales hard as if all of that had been flying around in his lungs for too long, now he is letting it go.
“I think that sounds really good, hyung.” Yoongi smiles at him, encouraging. Despite the years spent with Yoongi and Namjoon who always has spoken positively about therapy, the stigma of it weighs heavy in the back of his mind. It’s difficult to admit going to a therapist, to his parents, to himself.
Seokjin needs to work through his fears of the future. He has to be able to face a future in which he may be alone.
At first, he doesn’t tell the other members about the therapy sessions he goes to. He takes it step by step, grows a little braver, day by day until he mentions it casually in conversation.
He says it with practised ease, talking through the laughter around the dinner table.
“When I talked with my therapist yesterday, she taught me to differentiate between kinds of nervousness.” He stuffs more rice in his mouth as the room goes a little quiet.
“You’re going to therapy? You didn’t tell us! That’s great hyung!” Jimin reaches across the table to hug him, despite there being a Jungkook and Hoseok sitting between them.
It wasn’t as of a big deal that he made it out to be. Seokjin goes to therapy. They ate hotteok for dessert. Simple as that.
***
Sunlight streams through the window, waking Seokjin up. The first thing he sees when he opens his eyes is Namjoon lying on the other side of the bed. His hair tousled, red bitten lips, the tan honey-coloured skin of his torso glistening in the sun. Seokjin shuffles closer to him, engulfing in the warmth that radiates of Namjoon. He smells of boy, forest, love.
A year ago, Seokjin was terrified of the future. Fear still has it's grip on him, but he is learning how to deal with it. He isn’t alone. The ocean isn’t his only friend, he has so much more. He won’t throw that away again.
“I’ve missed you.” He confesses to deaf ears, but the feeling inside of his chest feels too enormous not to say. Namjoon stirs in his sleep and he wraps his arm around Seokjin. They’ve been apart for months, almost a year. The way they gravitate towards each other makes it feel like no time has passed at all.
Namjoon is his gravity. The pulling that keeps him from floating away into space, like the moon would venture off from earth if gravity didn’t keep it there.
“Hi.” Namjoon stirs awake, opens his eyes to look at Seokjin. “I’ve missed you too.”