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People make decisions everyday. Small ones, trivial ones, sometimes big ones, and more often than not, bad ones. Oh, Yoon Jeonghan certainly regretted this particular decision. Why did he ever say yes to that one date?
It wasn’t like someone forced him to make this decision. No, he was just there for the good looks and big guns. It wasn’t supposed to mean a lot, until it did. Things were pretty normal, they started out talking awkwardly over fries at McDonald’s because they were both too broke to go somewhere decent, and were soon laughing and stealing sips of each other’s milkshake. He was dazzling, laughter filled with joy, hope and something more.
Yoon Jeonghan was never smitten. No, he was the one that made people fall in love with him, and then pick the one that he thinks suits best. It was like window shopping, except he was the brand new bag on the display window that had the ability to choose who gets him. But Choi Seungcheol, he made him feel things. Things that were new, scary and a little bit exhilarating for him.
“Why don’t you order yourself a strawberry milkshake since you love strawberries?” Seungcheol swatted Jeonghan’s hand away from his milkshake.
“You know what they say. Other people’s food always taste better. Same goes to milkshakes. It wouldn’t be as good if I ordered it.” Jeonghan shrugged and continued to try for Seungcheol’s milkshake.
Giving up, Seungcheol handed him his milkshake, and took Jeonghan’s chocolate one instead. “I have nothing to say. No comments. I can’t win against you.”
“Thank you. I know.” Jeonghan smirked, sipping contentedly.
“You should be a lawyer instead. You are pretty good at arguing. Bet you can win a case easily.” Seungcheol mused.
“Too much work. I’m majoring in media. That’s enough use of my convincing skills.”
But am I convincing enough to make you fall for me?
Their playful banter back and forth didn’t just stop at McDonald’s fries and milkshakes. It continued to movie nights in Jeonghan’s dorm, and lunch time in their school’s bland cafeteria and just about anywhere. It was fun and addictive, the push and pull. Neither of them wanted to give it up, but neither of them wanted to take the next step and turn it into something more.
“You are going to snap if you guys are continuing this Jeonghan. I know you. You are more invested than usual.” Jihoon commented casually, eyes however, studying his hyung closely.
“We’ll see.” Jihoon sighed and wonders why he even brought this matter up. The man was just too stubborn to see the truth. Some people need to fall to learn. And fell he did.
Like all things there’s a certain tolerance to it’s malleability. The rubber band that was their relationship snapped after the multiple push and pull. Things were fine at first, with their flirting turning into casual touches and evolving into chocolate strawberry tasted kisses. A peck here and there when they met for study dates at the library between shelves. A deep kiss when they were in the privacy of Jeonghan’s room. Wandering hands when they were at the movie dates. Subtle things, that no one apart from the two of them knew. (And maybe, Jihoon.)
Until one day where Jeonghan caught a girl kissing him. He wanted to scream, and push the girl away from Seungcheol, but caught himself at the last moment. Who was he to do that? It wasn’t as if he was Seungcheol’s boyfriend. Jealousy rumbled at the pit of his stomach and it took him a herculean amount of effort to not lose it in the club. Chewing on his bottom lip, he left them and slipped out of the club, trying to hold himself together.
(There were 10 missed calls from Jihoon asking for his whereabouts but none from Seungcheol, not even a text. He might have cried a bit to his pillow but that’s for his pillow to know.)
“Where were you the other day? Jihoon was worried about you.” Seungcheol asked after catching him outside his faculty building.
“Wasn’t feeling well so I went home. I sent Jihoon a text afterwards.” Jeonghan said, keeping his expression as blank as possible.
“Are you feeling better now?”
Jeonghan nodded. Yeah, if putting his feelings on mute was ‘better’ then certainly.
“So why are you avoiding me?”
“I’m not. I was just busy with an assignment.”
“You don’t pick up my calls, you don’t even answer my texts. When I try to catch you on campus you just speed up and walk past me before anything could happen. You don’t call that avoiding?” The pitch of his voice raised with annoyance.
“So what do you want then?” Jeonghan snapped back.
“I want you to stop ignoring me.”
“I am not. I’m talking to you right now aren’t I?” Jeonghan bit the inside of his mouth. There was no way he was going to lose to Seungcheol in whatever semblance of a fight this was.
“That’s because I cornered you!” Seungcheol said, pitch even higher now. He ran his hand through his hair, annoyed at Jeonghan’s words.
“Whatever. I need to go to my next class now. Bye.” Jeonghan turned and left immediately.
It was never a goodbye, always a “See you later Cheol.” with stupid emojis or a funny face. Jeonghan never expected for his feelings to reach the limit of malleability and snap. Was it how the people he toyed with felt? Ah, he feels sorry for them now that he knew how suffocating it felt. It was a dick move to cut Seungcheol off without an explanation but he wasn’t going to stoop down to his feelings anytime soon. Cut him some slack, this was the first time he ever felt something for someone. He was allowed to make stupid decisions. (And now he has to deal with the result of it.)
“Jeonghan hyung you know that’s just stupid of you right? You never gave him a chance to explain anything.” Jihoon tried to understand the way his hyung’s brain worked but it was just too hard for him. Yoon Jeonghan works in mysterious and less than conventional ways.
“People make stupid decisions everyday. Mine was that I went on the date with him and now I have to deal with my feelings. “ Jeonghan deadpanned.
“Then deal with it the right way! Go ask him out for real and not sit here and mope! Your apartment is moldy with your negative feelings right now!” Jihoon shouted, trying to get his words into Jeonghan’s stubborn brain.
“He has a girlfriend now Jihoon. They made it official the other day” Jeonghan twiddled his fingers.
“What the fuck?”
“We were never a thing. It was just a nice game until I caught feelings. It’s okay Jihoon, I’ll sort this out soon. It’s not his problem.” Jeonghan sighed. Sure his heart was kind of in shreds when he thinks about how Seungcheol now has someone that calls him boyfriend and it wasn’t him. And that they weren’t the least exclusive. But he can survive this mistake; he was sure of that.
After all people make bad decisions everyday and his was just something trivial. Yeah, something insignificant so his heart doesn’t need to react as violently as it did when the news broke. He’ll get through it. Maybe.