Chapter Text
On September 7th 2006 Spencer Reid was kidnapped by Tobias Hankel and never seen again.
The BAU spend months looking for their youngest member. They left no stone unturned, followed every trail they could find. It didn't get them anywhere in the end. A week passed, then a month, three months, half a year, a whole year and suddenly it's the 9th October, the day Reid was supposed to turn 26.
Morgan's eyes rested on the desk where Spencer used to sit. They hadn't moved the desk, hadn't assigned it to anyone else. It was the same with his apartment. They all chipped in to keep the rent paid, to keep Spencer's place the same for when he came back. If... he came back.
They weren't stupid, they knew that the chances of finding him alive at this point were slim to none. Tobias Hankel had been murderous and unstable from the beginning. They had seen him kill Reid on camera only to bring him back just in time. That was pure luck. How high where the chances that Reid would survive another close call? He'd probably know the exact numbers. Whatever they were, they couldn't be good.
Still, even though everything pointed towards the unimaginable, even thought they should really be looking for a body instead of their friend, they couldn't. Morgan couldn't think of Reid as dead, his heart might not be able to take it.
They had to keep on working anyways. The world didn't stop spinning, not with or without their boy wonder.
So, after weeks of searching for their lost agent the team went back to work, or at least most of them did.
JJ was the first to resign, plagued by guilt about splitting up with Spencer, leaving him by himself which resulted in his abduction.
Gideon was next. He didn't really resign. Instead he simply vanished, leaving nothing but his badge, weapon and a letter explaining his disappearance.
The rest of them stayed with the BAU, hoping to use the recourses it offered to keep their search going on their own time but the more time passed the more discouraged they got.
He could see it in all their faces, see how with each day, week, month, their hopes of ever finding him diminished. They didn't have a promising lead in months. Tobias Hankel had disappeared into thin air and he had taken Reid with him.
Morgan tore his eyes off of Reid's desk and packed up his things with a sigh. He wouldn't get any work done today anyways.
Instead he decided to grab dinner and stop by JJ's. He knew that today had to be especially hard on her. It was on him. Spending Spencer's 25th birthday without him had been rough but back then his disappearance had been fresh, they were driven, determined. Now, an entire year later, this day was just depressing.
Morgan suddenly realised that things would always be like this now. That every year that passed, every year that Reid spend missing, gone like a milk carton kid, Morgan would wonder what had happened to him. If he was still out there, if he was long gone, if he still suffered or if his death had been quick.
He hated it, hated that this was all that was left for him now. What if's. No clarity or certainty.
He knocked on JJ's apartment door and the younger woman opened it before letting out a heavy sigh.
"What are you doing here Morgan?", She asked. She looked like hell, like she hadn't slept and cried all night instead. Her eyes were red and puffy, rimmed with dark shadows. Her hair stuck up in all directions. Normally she kept up appearances but not today. Morgan couldn't fault her for that. She looked about as great as he felt.
"Bringing a friend dinner.", He replied before dangling the bag of Indian takeout in front of her face.
"I can see that. I mean why.", She replied pointedly, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
"You know why. I don't think either of us should be alone today.", Morgan admitted and JJ's gaze dropped to the floor. Slowly, she stepped away, letting Morgan in. As expected he found a nest of blankets and tissues on her living room couch. He dropped the bag with the food on the coffee table and went to the kitchen to get plates and cutlery. On the way back he grabbed two bottles of beer and placed one of them in front of JJ before letting himself fall into one of her armchairs.
They were silent for a while after that. Neither knew what to talk about. Without work there wasn't a whole lot that connected them. And especially on a day like this one, they both just wanted to talk about one thing but neither wanted to make the first step. So they ate their food in silence until JJ put her fork down. Then the dam broke.
"It's my fault.", She whispered and Morgan wasn't surprised by her guilt. They all felt it to an extent, that didn't mean that it was right.
"JJ-", he started with a sigh, putting his plate down, but JJ didn't let him finish.
"Don't baby me, I know that it's my fault.", She snapped, turning angry eyes on Morgan. He knew that the anger wasn't ment for him. JJ was only angry at herself. " If I hadn't agreed to split up, if I hadn't taken so long with the dogs, if-", she started to argue but now Morgan cut her off.
"Stop it!", He ordered. He had heard her arguments dozens of times, thought of them himself even more. They were pointless.
"Why are you here, Morgan? Why aren't you blaming me?! You used to.", JJ asked. The anger faded, all that was left was the truth. Exhaustion and sorrow. JJ suddenly looked decades older, aged by her pain.
Morgan knew what she was referring to. When Reid first disappeared he said something along the lines of ' One of you is here and one of you isn't.' Which, in retrospect wasn't fair at all. But just because Morgan could see that now, didn't mean that JJ didn't take it to heart.
"That- that was in the heat of the moment. I now know that you're not to blame. And Reid wouldn't blame you either.", He tried to explain but she didn't seem convinced. "Chances are that if you had stayed together you might've both been taken and that would hardly help anyone.", He then added.
JJ diverted her eyes, she was out of arguments but Morgan knew that she still blamed herself.
They lapsed back into silence, returned their attention to their food. Or at least Morgan did. It took him a while to realize that JJ wasn't eating. She was just staring at her half eaten meal.
"Did you know that Indian food was his favourite?", She then asked, her voice quiet and broken. Morgan wished that he hadn't noticed her say 'was' instead of 'is'. He didn't like how thinking about it made his chest grow tight.
"No, I didn't.",he replied quietly.
He could hear her gasp for air. He knew that she'd start crying seconds before the first sob escaped her. After that there was no stopping it. JJ's entire body trembled as endless tears ran down her face.
"Come here...", Morgan whispered, his own voice choked up. He got up and sat down next to her, pulling her against his chest and wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace.
"This- isn't- fair-", she gasped in between sobs and Morgan felt her pain.
"I know. Nobody deserves this, least of all Reid.", He whispered, his own voice so faint that he could barely hear himself.
"How is life supposed to go on? How are we supposed to go on?!", JJ asked, her voice edging on hysteric. Morgan wished he knew the answer but the truth was, he asked himself the same thing multiple times every goddamn day. He hadn't found a sufficient answer yet.
"I don't know... I just know that we have to do it somehow. He'd want that.", He replied and he believed that to be true. It didn't make him feel any better, but he still believed in it. Reid wouldn't want them to give up so Morgan wouldn't. And he wouldn't let JJ give up either.
~
On October 10th 2007 at around 2 am a man entered the ER.
Witnesses would later describe the man as looking 'cadaverous' and 'horrifying'. Tall, meager, dressed in nothing at all and covered in blood and god knows what else. He carried a bloody knife but it slipped out of his hand before anyone could feel threatened by it.
Nurse Diaz, who was on duty that night, had never seen anything like it. In her 15 years in the medical field she had never seen a living breathing human in such an awful state.
The man reportedly only spoke three words before sinking to his knees and passing out. Those three words still haunt Diaz to this day. He stared at her, his big eyes, desperate and empty at once and he begged for help.
"Please help me."
Then he collapsed.