Chapter Text
Unforgettable, that's what you are
Unforgettable, though near or far
-
“Did you really?” Jimmy laughed. “What did he say?”
He stood in the kitchen half leaning against the counter. Thomas stood in front of him, holding an unlit cigarette between his fingers.
“I don’t believe that.” Daisy said, so enthralled by Thomas’ story that she had forgotten about the dough she was kneading.
“I did.” Thomas said. “But it didn’t go down that well, I’ll tell you that.” He shook his head with an amused smile on his lips.
“I could never.” Daisy said breathless.
Jimmy looked at Thomas, amazed by the story he had just heard. He didn’t know the under-butler would be so daring, let alone tell such an amusing story about himself so readily. He’d always thought Thomas to be reserved, not wanting to mingle too much with the rest of the staff at Downton and absolutely not wanting to share very much about his life before he came there. This small tidbit of information made Jimmy wonder what else he had experienced in his life before coming into service. He felt a craving sensation of wanting to know more about the ever so mysterious Thomas Barrow.
“Is that tea going to take itself upstairs James?” Mr Carson interrupted Jimmy's inner monologue, his voice booming over the kitchen. “Or is lady Mary and lady Edith to take their tea downstairs in the kitchen among the staff?”
“Sorry Mr Carson” Jimmy huffed out, hurriedly picking the tray up and dashing off.
“And you?” Mr Carson continued, turning to Thomas. “Do you not have somewhere to be?”
“Well I was having a splendid conversation just then,” Thomas answered. “But since my company suddenly disappeared I suppose I can find something else to do.” He flashed a quick, sarcastic smile and left the kitchen, placing the cigarette between his lips as he did.
Daisy let out a small giggle, but quickly put her head down and concentrated on the dough when Mr Carson whipped his head around to look at her. It was best not to catch his anger, she mused, even if Thomas’ obvious snark was funny.
-
Upstairs Jimmy was standing in the library as lady Edith and lady Mary were drinking their tea, chatting away about the possible addition of pigs to the farmland. Usually when it was just the two of them they would dismiss Jimmy, not thinking it necessary for him to stand at the ready just for them, but today they seemed to have forgotten he was there. So he did what a footman did in a situation like that and just stood, ears at the ready in case they wanted anything but letting his mind wander.
He was glad he and Thomas were on speaking terms again. He had missed their conversations, since Alfred wasn’t much to have when it came to any sort of deeper discussions on things. Thomas was intelligent, much more than Jimmy himself, he thought. And the fact that he read so much ensured that there was always an interesting thought floating about in that raven haired head of his. He felt his thoughts wander back to that night when he had sat next to Thomas’ bed reading the paper to him and his gut twisted into an uncomfortable knot. The bruises on Thomas’ face were healed now but Jimmy could still see them clearly in his mind, the black and blue marks covering the otherwise so pale skin, the stark contrast making them stand out even more. They never spoke about it, how Thomas had saved Jimmy that day, but Jimmy found his thoughts wandering to it whenever he had a moment of stillness. How Thomas hadn’t hesitated to do that, but instead had jumped in head first as if Jimmy had been some damsel in distress. But then again, he thought to himself, maybe that had been how Thomas had seen him? He knew that Thomas.. He stopped his train of thought there, feeling the twist in his stomach again. He hadn’t even thanked him, he thought instead, not properly. Just acted like it was big of him to agree to be Thomas’ friend. Like that was something big to ask for someone that saved you from a hell of a beating?
“Oh James, are you still here?” Mary sounded surprised. “I’m sorry, did we completely forget you in our fascinating talk about pigs?” She said it with a smile, but sounded a bit remorseful.
“I’m happy to be of service, my lady.” Jimmy answered. “It’s nothing to apologize for.”
“I’m glad. Well we’re done now so you can take the tray back down with you when you go.”
“Certainly my lady.” Jimmy said with a small bow of his head as he walked over to take the tray.
“Thank you James.” Edith said as she and her sister stood.
He gave them both another small bow of the head and headed out.
-
Later that evening, when they were done with the working day, Jimmy was lingering in the servant’s hall. He felt tired after the long day of work, but for some reason felt against the idea of going to bed. Anna and Bates had just left, saying good night to Jimmy, Alfred and Thomas who were still sitting at the table. Alfred had begged Jimmy to play some cards which he reluctantly agreed too and Thomas was reading the paper while smoking his usual cigarette. Jimmy had a hard time concentrating on the game and gave up a frustrated groan when he lost for the third time.
“I’d better turn in before you get cross with me.” Alfred said with a sheepish grin and stood. “Good night.”
Jimmy huffed, not feeling the want to bid Alfred a good night at all. He heard a small chuckle from behind the newspaper.
“What?” He said hardly.
“Oh nothing.” Thomas said, lowering the paper so he could see Jimmy. There was an amused gleam in his eyes. “Nothing at all, mister bad loser.”
“Shut up.” Jimmy threw a card at him. It caught wind and turned around, flopping down unimpressively on the table between them.
“Seems the cards are not on your side tonight.” Thomas said, pursing his lips. His face was serious but his tone all the more amused. “Something on your mind?”
Jimmy shook his head. “Not really, I don’t think.”
“If you say so.” Thomas said, taking a long drag on his cigarette.
“What?” Jimmy gave him a puzzled look.
“Well I don’t know, you’ve been caught in your own thoughts this afternoon is all.” Thomas said lightly, his eyes fixed on the paper. “I thought maybe something was the matter.”
“Well,” Jimmy started. His thoughts wandered back to when he was standing in the library, what he had realized back then. It had been on his mind since then, making his mind preoccupied. But how in the world did Thomas know that?
“I just realized,” he said, deciding that now was as good a time as any to bring it up. “That I never thanked you.”
Thomas fixed his gaze at him, a quizzical look in his eyes. “Thanked me?”
“For saving me.” Jimmy said. “I was a jerk to you and you saved me from getting my arse kicked.”
“Oh.” For once, Thomas didn’t seem to know what to say.
“Thank you.” Jimmy said hoarsely, feeling his throat constrict with a feeling of being overwhelmed by the situation. “Truly.”
Something lit up inside Thomas’ eyes as he heard Jimmy speak those words. Something Jimmy didn’t realize he had been missing, but upon seeing it again it felt like a part of the world had been restored. Like a wrong had been made right. Like it had been night for too long and now, finally, the dawn had returned.
-
James was picking up the scattered cards after the game with Alfred when Mr Carson appeared in the doorway.
“Ah James,” he said. “Did Mr Barrow go upstairs?”
James nodded. “Yes he did Mr Carson, but just a few minutes ago.”
“Could you tell him that he will need to help his lordship at the dressing gong tomorrow? Bates needs to go into York and I’m ashamed to say that I forgot to tell him before now. I didn’t realize the time.”
He looked tired, Jimmy thought, more so than usual.
“Is something wrong Mr Carson?” He asked.
Mr Carson looked surprised at the question. “No, no not at all James. I’m just busy, that is all.”
Jimmy wasn’t sure he completely believed that. He wasn’t sure he’d ever heard Carson admit to forgetting anything. But it wasn’t his business to pry, he decided.
“Of course Mr Carson. I’ll tell him.”
Jimmy took the steps upstairs two at a time, something Carson would have been absolutely livid about had he seen it. He hurried along the hallway in the servants’ quarters, afraid Thomas would already have fallen asleep.
He gave a short knock on the door and turned the handle at the same time, not thinking to wait, and took a step inside.
“Thomas, Mr Carson wanted you to-” he felt himself choke on the rest of the sentence, his jaw going slack. His mind felt like it had gone entirely blank.
Thomas was standing in the middle of the room with his undershirt in his hands. He seemed like he was just getting ready for bed, his shirtless chest gleaming in the soft light as he turned around at the sound of Jimmy barging in.
“Jimmy.” Thomas startled.
Jimmy felt like time had slowed down. His heart raced as a thousand images flooded his mind all at the same time, yet he could see them all as clear as day. Hands on his shoulders as he wound the clock. A bruised face. Otherwise so meticulous hair messy. A bleeding lip. Grey eyes twinkling with unheld laughter. Hands holding today's paper. Lips closing around a cigarette, smoke trailing out as they formed words. Lips, warm and soft against his own.
With a sharp breath he turned around, almost slammed the door shut and walked towards his room as fast as his wobbly legs would bear him. His hands fumbled as he opened the door to his room and hurried inside. Finally inside he leaned his back to the door, successfully barricading himself from the rest of the house.
What was wrong with him? Running away like that just because Thomas was- He swallowed thickly. He was just tired, he reasoned. That must be it. Just tired after the long day and the disappointing card game. Yes, that was it. He’d feel better after a good night's sleep. Much, much better.