Chapter Text
“How many times has this happened to you?” A chubby older man with light brown hair said to a shaky camera.
The camera switches to a tall young man with light blonde almost light pink looking hair, shoulder checking a clearly cardboard cutout of a door and breaking in. Once he breaks in, he is suddenly holding a fake gun.
“This is a home invasion robbery!” The blonde man yells.
The camera then zooms in to a young woman with light pink hair and chubby cheeks cowering in the corner with a phone in her hand.
“Police help! Someone is in my house” the woman said as if she were in a junior high play.
“Your call is not a priority at this time.” A chubby young man in a wig and eyeliner, talking into the phone.
The camera switches again to a middle aged man talking to the camera
“I HATE calling 911. I wish I could dial something longer than just three digits.”
An older man slowly leaned into frame but the middle aged man quickly shoved him away.
The camera then goes to a man with dark red hair and a natural resting bitch face.
“And I am done with the attitude I get from Yoko at Dispatch”
Suddenly a picture of a girl with pink hair in a pony tail is on the screen, zooming in and out while loud foghorns blare in the background
“YOKO’S A WHORE!”
The red haired man, the middle aged man, and the young woman with the pink hair all stood together on the balcony and said in unison
“Who can we call?”
Suddenly we see all the people that appeared in the video lined up in front of a house
“Your neighborhood patrol unit!” The chubby man from the beginning exclaimed, pointing to the camera.
“Citizens like yourself” An average height man with taupe colored hair said.
“Here to protect you” the pink haired young lady continued.
“And we don’t take crime for an answer” the old man with glasses said holding up a gun.
“Has your car been stolen?” The chubby young man asked
“Are you being raped?” The middle aged man asked afterwards
“Let’s stop crime together.” The camera switched back to the older chubby man from before.
The camera panned our so that everyone was in frame
“WE’RE HERE FOR YOU” the yelled in (almost) unison.
On the screen in bold letters are the words “CALL NOW”
We see the people from the ad all sitting ok the couch watching their commercial.
It’s dead silent
Suddenly, the red haired young man spoke in a monotone voice.
“We forgot to put the fucking number”
Somewhere in England at the same time
“HEUSC, pull up everything you can about this Metropolitan Neighborhood Patrol Unit and get me a house in that neighborhood.”
“Of course, young master”