Work Text:
may·be
/ˈmābē/
noun
a mere possibility or probability.
“ maybe in another life . ”
001. to the dark lord,
when regulus black is ten years old, his older brother runs down the staircase of their house so quickly that he thinks sirius might trip on the rug. he's grinning ear - to - ear, which is a sight that regulus could count on one hand the amount he'd seen in his lifetime, and he's clutching a piece of paper in his hands so tightly that it seems as though he may tear through it before his younger brother can read it. " regulus ! reg, regulus, reggie ! it's here ! "
" what's here ? " he asks, because he was interested in the book he was reading, and sirius has interrupted him. " what is it ? "
" my letter, you idiot ! " sirius says, and hits regulus in the shoulder, waving the parchment in his face like that'll help him understand what it is.
" what -- " he pauses, realization dawning on his ten - year - old face. the boy shifts in his chair, leaning over and grabbing his brother's arms to keep him from waving the paper around. " oh, your letter ! what does it say ? tell me what it says ! "
there's a voice in the library doorway, and the boys turn around to find their father watching them. " what does what say, regulus ? "
" 'ris got his letter for hogwarts ! he was showing it to me ! "
" ah. " their father says, and he waves a hand at his older son. sirius stops trying to wave the letter in his brother's face. " well, sirius, what does it say ? "
regulus watched his older brother straighten the parchment, holding it up so he could read it aloud. he didn't stop grinning.
three months later, sirius sent him a letter from hogwarts, two and a half scrolls about the gryffindor tower and the great hall and the four boys he shared a dorm with. he decided then and there that he was going to join sirius in the house of lions.
002. i know that i will be dead
when regulus black is eleven years old, he stands on a crowded train platform with his older brother by his side and his mother at his back. sirius is bouncing up and down on his heels like a over - excited child on christmas morning and regulus has to hold back his flinch when walburga's sharp hand comes down on his shoulder.
" sirius, " she warns, in a voice that is deceptively soft. " will you quit your moving about ? the train will be here soon enough. "
and it does. it comes five minutes after sirius has quit his nervous movements, his mother's hand a solid weight on his shoulder. the moment the train has pulled to a stop, regulus watches his older disappear into the locomotive without the slightest sign of a farewell to their mother. he swallows and says, " goodbye. "
walburga does not grace him with an answer, her gaze focused on where her oldest son had been moments before. regulus makes his own escape before she can acknowledge that he is still there.
003. long before you read this,
he wanders through the compartments searching for his brother or one of his cousins or someone he knows, and he is stopped in his tracks by a boy with oddly shaped glasses and a head of wildly out - of - place hair who calls him sirius and throws an arm over his shoulders. it takes regulus a full minute to blurt out, " i'm not sirius. who are you ? "
the boy pauses, like he's actually looking at the smaller boy for the first time and he notices that, oh, this isn't sirius. his mouth opens like he's going to say something but then actual sirius comes out of the compartment behind the two of them and asks, " james, what are you doing to my baby brother ? "
regulus ducks his way from under james' arm, taking a few quick steps over to sirius and hitting him in the arm. " it's all your fault, y'know. you left me outside with mother and just ran off and i couldn't find you and then he came up and thought i was you ! "
the boy behind them looks between the two brothers with a sort of confused look on his face, and he watches as sirius lets out a laugh that makes all the tension flow out of his younger brother's shoulders. james watches regulus sigh half - heartedly and push past his brother to get into the compartment. sirius turns back to james, and he finds that he can only grin.
004. but i want you to know that
perhaps slytherin, but perhaps you'd do well in gryffindor. the sorting hat mused, its voice oh - so - loud in regulus' ear. he tried not to think about how long he'd been sitting in front of the great hall, packed full of students ; he focused his gaze of his brother and the boy he'd met on the train ( james , his brain supplied ). i see bravery in you, even if you do not yet see it in yourself. you would do well in the house of lions.
" put me wherever you please, just let me get up. " the eleven - year - old mumbled to himself, knowing the hat was listening to his every word. he thought about a life in the house of his cousins ; he thought about it being cold and dark, down in the dungeons ; he thought of being not well liked by the other houses, always having to be on the lookout. and he thought of a life in the house his brother had gone to : he thought of warm fires and warm friends, from all the houses ; he thought of his brother and the boys from the train.
the sorting hat hummed in regulus' ear, if you really feel that way, my boy, then it's going to have to be --
" GRYFFINDOR ! "
regulus stayed on the stool for all of two seconds, the great hall silent as a winter graveyard, before he heard sirius and james cheer for him and the rest of his new house follow suit. professor mcgonagall ushered him off the stool as she called the next name, and regulus rushed over to take a seat in between his brother and james potter.
" good job, reggie. " sirius muttered in his ear, leaning over. he was grinning -- mentally, regulus added another tally to the amount of time he'd seen that look on his brother's face -- and he couldn't help but grin back. " i know you could do it. "
james nudged him with the point of his wand and shoved a plate of strawberry scones on the table in front of him. " welcome to gryffindor, reg. "
he just smiled again.
005. it was i who discovered your secret.
regulus black is thirteen years old the first time he gets detention, and it isn't even his fault. really, it isn't. he had been bribed into helping the mauraders ( " that's a dumb thing to be called," he had told james when the older boy had suggested it, and of course, it was the one they had chosen ) with their prank on the slytherins with three whole stashes of honeyduke's chocolate.
it was a lost cause from the beginning, honestly -- he was nothing if not a fan of candy. so, here he was : standing alone in the middle of an almost empty corridor in the middle if the night with nothing more as an excuse than, " i'm sorry, professor, i didn't notice the time. "
curse his dumb friends, curse their dumb hilarious pranks, curse the stupid slytherins and their stupid inability to get pranked. curse all of it. regulus could only nod feebly as professor kettleburn handed him a detention slip and sent him back towards gryffindor tower.
james honed in on him the moment he came through the portrait hole, apparently the only member of the group still awake -- he noticed remus, sirius, and peter piled together on the floor by the fire -- and immediately began to ask him questions.
" how'd it go ? did we pull it off ? was our lovely informant's password tip correct ? "
" i don't know, i didn't make it to the dungeons. kettleburn caught me at the staircase and gave me detention. " the boy huffed, but he couldn't tell in the annoyed sign in his brain was directed more at the thought of having to sit through a detention alone, or at james complimenting a slytherin.
he watched the fourth year boy's face fall slightly, probably over the fact that they would have to wait all night to see if their hair coloring charms had worked. then, he smiled.
" don't worry, reg, i'm sure i'll have a detention soon and we can sit through it together ! "
regulus paused for a moment, and then shook his head, laughing.
006. i have stolen the real horcrux and
exactly a week after regulus black turns fourteen, his older brother barges into his room in the middle of the night and shakes him awake. sirius' eyes are wide and he has a bag filled with what regulus can only assume are books and clothes, and he holds a hand over his mouth when regulus attempts to ask him what he's doing.
" 'ris ? " he says, once the hand is gone and he's alert enough to be aware that it's seven in the morning and the beginning of summer break, and no sane person should ever be awake that early. " 'ris, what're you doing ? "
" get up, reggie. " sirius says, in a soft sort of voice that regulus doesn't think he's heard since he was six years old and having night terrors so bad that he'd crawl into bed with his other brother and let his fanciful, seven - year - old stories lull him back to sleep. " we're leaving. "
" leaving ? " regulus questions, and he doesn't receive an answer. instead, his brother grabs him by the arm and pulls him to his feet, making him stumble against the hardwood of his floorboards. they both freeze at the sound the boards make when they creak. " come on, " sirius says, " we have to hurry. "
they've made it downstairs and activated the floo in the front entry way before their mother even notices that they're gone ; sirius whispers potter estate into the green flames and drags regulus through the flames before he was say a word of protest.
he couldn't think of a single one.
007. intend to destroy it as soon as i can.
regulus black is fourteen years and eight days old when he wakes up in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room with the ever - familiar presences of sirius and james next to him. he rolls over and buries his head underneath the pillow, and james potter has the audacity to laugh at him.
" morning, reg. happy birthday. " he says, and regulus opens one eye to look over at the messy haired boy with the crooked glasses balanced on the end of his nose and does nothing to fight the urge to reach up and straighten them. james goes cross - eyed trying to look at his hand.
he picks up his head, looks to see sirius still fast asleep next to him, and looks back over at james. regulus smiles, and sits up. " morning, jamie. and my birthday was last week, you dimwit. "
and james rolls his eyes, ever fondly, and jabs the younger boy in the ribs with one hand. he tries not to frown when regulus winces ; he fails. " are you alright ? "
" fine. " regulus says, too quickly, and looks back at his sleeping older brother. he changes the topic. " we should get out of here, merlin knows sirius needs all the beauty sleep he can get, the bumbling idiot. "
it takes james a moment or three to catch up, before he makes an oh sort of sound and jumps out of his chair, motioning for regulus to follow him -- quietly, of course. he does.
james leads them downstairs, into what regulus vaguely recognizes as the room he and sirius had flooed into last night before inevitably falling asleep. he doesn't actually remember going upstairs at all, now that he thinks about it. the older boy falls down onto one of the couches and waves him over to join him. regulus sits cross - legged on the opposite end, and james nudges him with his foot.
" come on, reg, i don't bite. " a pause, a grin. " unless, of course, you want me to. "
" sod off, you git. " his face is red -- he knows it is, but james doesn't make a comment about it. he half wishes that he did. " thought you only tried to bite evans. "
another pause, though this one is accompanied by a scowl in place of a grin ; the expression looks entirely out of place on james potter's face. he knocks his head back against the armrest of the sofa " ah, well, according to lily evans, i am a slimy toe rag who she would not come near with a ten foot pole. "
he can't help the snort that leaves his mouth, nor the full blown laughter at the sight of james' offended face. " oh, don't worry, jamie. " he says, through his laughter, " one day she'll see that you're not a slimy toe rag -- you're just a slimy git. "
he laughs again when james reaches out with his foot and kicks him in the thigh.
008. i face death in the hope that when you
regulus black is fifteen years old when james potter declares that he is fully over miss lily evans. he's sitting in the library trying to do his charms homework when the sixth year drops himself dramatically into the seat beside his own and speaks loudly into the silence -- regulus is thankful that they are only two of the three students in the room, the other being remus, who faithfully ignores his best friend slash dormmate and leaves regulus to deal with him alone -- " i give up. evans is never going to go out with me. "
" truly tragic, james. do you mind ? " he asks, and james huffs half - heartedly over at him, shoving the paper he had laid his head on in front of regulus. " now, what makes you say that ? besides, of course, the fact that she hasn't said yes to any of your attempts to ask her out in the last six years that you've been trying. "
" shut up , regulus ! " james cries, letting his head fall forwards against the hardwood of the tabletop. regulus' ink pot shakes ; he puts the lid on it and regretfully starts to put his school work away, poking james in the side until he sits back up. regulus smiles, and raises an eyebrow.
" well, " he says, " are you going to talk about it, or are you going to lament ? " james makes an offended sort of sound.
" i do not lament ! " another moment passes, and regulus laughs.
james drags him back to the gryffindor common room, and they settle onto the couch. the other boys join them after dinner is over and homework is done, but even when the rest of them go up to the dorm, he and regulus stay where they are. they stay, and they talk.
when james falls asleep a few hours later, head leaned against the arm of the couch with his legs thrown over regulus' lap, the younger boy watches the way the light from the fire dances over james' face. it's mesmerizing, he has to admit -- except, he doesn't want to admit, because he hasn't thought about james in that way since he was thirteen and realized that he could .
regulus leans over and picks up his wand from the floor, pointing it across the room and muttering accio blanket before he can give it much thought, throws it over the pair of them, and tries his hardest to go to sleep.
when he does finally drift off into unconsciousness, he dreams of fire light.
009. meet your match, you will be
regulus black is sixteen years old when he sits in the middle of the woods that surround potter manor and laughs as he watches james try to climb a tree. he tilts his head back to look up at the branches, where his stray, disobedient broom has decided to make a home for itself, and james heaves a sighs and falls dramatically onto the ground next to him, resting his head in the younger boy's lap. " i think i'll just buy you a new broom. " he says, and regulus nods.
" i think that might be best. that one seems pretty comfortable up there. " james snorts and regulus runs his hands through his hair, messy as it always is, and tries his hardest to think about something other than how easy it would be to lean down and kiss james potter senseless.
he fights the urge, and instead tilts his head back to the leaves again. regulus isn't quite sure where his brother and remus have disappeared to, but he doesn't think he wants to know. it's quiet, until james groans. " reg ! "
" james. " he says, slowly, tilting his head back down to look the brown - eyed - boy in the face. regulus lifts a hand and pushes the glasses straight on james' face. " what are you moaning about now ? "
" did you hear what i said ? "
" uh, no ? "
james sighs. " regulus. pay attention ! "
" i am paying attention, potter -- just not to you . " james laughs. " oh, i'm potter now, black ? " he nods, and ducks his head down to press his lips against james' forehead for all of two seconds before the older boy freezes and he leans back, like nothing happened.
james opens his mouth, gaping at him the same way he had on the train when regulus was eleven years old and not yet sporting the red and gold tie that matched oh - so - wonderfully with his silver - gray eyes. he clears his throat.
" regulus ? "
" yeah, james ? "
" do you, uh, " he pauses and sits up and runs both of his through his hair ( it doesn't feel as nice as when regulus does it, he notes, in the back of his mind ), " do you like me ? "
" of course i like you, " regulus says, but he's looking at the trees again ; james notices that his face is turning red.
" no, i mean, " a pause, " do you like me ? "
he doesn't answer, which james takes an answer enough. he reaches over and taps his fingertips against his chin, making regulus look at him.
" what ? "
" can i, can i kiss you ? "
010. mortal once more.
when regulus black is nineteen years old, he ducks his head against his boyfriend's shoulder to hide the startled bout of laughter that bubbles to his lips at the sound of james' frankly ridiculous version of a story regulus knows for a fact didn't happen the way that he's saying -- and he should know, he was there .
" james, prongs, jamie . " sirius says, from the other side of the couch that the two black brothers have sandwiched james potter on. " that is not what happened. "
james huffs lightly and throws his hands up in exasperation, only slightly annoyed at having been interrupted for the fourth time in the last ten minutes. " then, you tell them what happened, padfoot. "
( regulus stifles another laugh against james' arm, and james nudges him in the side with one hand, grinning. he knows exactly what regulus wants to say, and they both know it. )
" so, basically, mr james fleamont potter the great is here, and he's thinking something along the lines of -- "
( " that's a horrible thing to say of your own brother, reg. " he mutters, curling his hand around the younger boy's waist ; he just smiles, " it's not like there's anything you can do about it, potter. "
" oh, i'm potter now ? " james grins, head ducked down to talk quietly with his boyfriend, though no one can hear much of anything over sirius' storytelling voice. " yeah, potter, you are. got a problem with it ? " a pause, a grin. " not if you're one, too . " )
regulus tugs his boyfriend down to kiss him and ignores the protesting sounds of his older brother fake retching, and james grins and tilts his head slightly. " so, ah, was that a yes ? "
another laugh bubbles past his lips, and he says, " yeah, i think it was. "
011. r.a.b.
in one life, regulus black was ten years old and he missed his brother more than anything in the world -- but he knew how to survive the brunt of his parent's wrath : be like them.
in one life, regulus black was eleven years old and he begged the sorting hat to put him in the house of his cousins, because he was afraid of everything that would happen to him if it didn't.
in one life, regulus black was thirteen years old and he didn't get his first detention, but he did get light green hair for all of three hours on a rainy day in october.
in one life, regulus black was fourteen years old and when his brother asked him to run away with him, he said no and he stayed behind and he took the scars that weren't really for him.
in one life, regulus black was fifteen years old and he spent his time in the hospital wing because of an equally messy haired boy but who had brown hair and a green tie instead.
in one life, regulus black was sixteen years old and he spent his last free summer locked in his room with a burning sensation on his arm that no spell or potion or charm could make go away.
in one life, regulus black was eighteen years old and he choked on a hysterical laugh at the bottom of an enchanted lake and he died.
but, maybe, in another life : he lived.