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“Are you ready?” Eliza asked her younger brother, clearly eager to wreak havoc onto the noble men and women that were feasting on the other side of the door.
“I’m not so sure about this, ‘Liza,” Adam was previously very excited about this, but now, the fact that there were probably over a hundred people gathered in that banquet hall, including his Fathers, seemed very real to him. “I think Father will be angry with us.”
Eliza didn’t need to ask which one he was referring to. The King would certainly not be pleased with this little… show they’ve prepared. She knew her brother would get cold feet, the baby. Luckily, she knew exactly how to goad him into it.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought I was talking to a future knight of Camelot… not a baby.”
“I am not a baby,” the boy protested. “I’m nearly ten years old!”
“And I’m thirteen, so I know more than you,” Adam stayed quiet, because her logic was airtight.
“Alright, alright. What do I have to do?”
“It’s simple, really,” Eliza smiled, proud that convinced her brother to join her once again. “We both have a bucket. When I give the signal, you just dump the bucket out.”
“Okay.”
“Remember, our main target is Madam Francis,” she reminded him. She absolutely despised her tutor. “You ready?”
This time there was no hesitation. “Absolutely.”
+++
“Now, Adam, now!” Eliza yelled from across the hall.
They both flipped their buckets and in a flash as many as thirty slimy, green frogs hopped their way across the floor. The screams of the noblewomen (and even a few noblemen) soon followed as they ran out of the room. Then Eliza spotted her main victim, Madam Francis. She was a truly horrid woman who had to be at least a hundred years old. She had a stern face with no smile lines, despite her age. She was always screaming at Eliza and getting her into trouble for no reason at all.
She had a very special present for Madam Francis in the form of a particularly big, particularly ugly, and particularly wart ridden toad hidden in her skirt pocket. She made her way through the chaos that was unfolding to the chair that her tutor was standing on, a pathetic attempt to escape the reign of amphibious terror she had unleashed upon them all. She reached into her pockets and held out the hideous toad to the teacher’s face. The princess then let go, allowing the animal to jump straight on to her person. The following shriek was music to her ears.
+++
Not ten minutes later, the chaos had died down and the citizens safely evacuated, leaving Adam and Eliza to face their parents alone.
“And just what the hell was that?” Arthur wasn’t exactly yelling, but his voice was loud enough that it echoed off the walls and created a booming effect. His face was stone cold, reminding his daughter of how he looked when he was sentencing someone for the gravest of crimes. Merlin, on the other hand, was grinning ear to ear. He was trying, and failing, to hold back a laugh. He clearly found this much more amusing than his husband did.
“Wel-”
“I don’t want to hear it, Elizabeth Pendragon.” It was at that moment that Eliza realized just how much trouble she was in. Her parents rarely referred to her by Elizabeth, much less Elizabeth Pendragon. “This was one of the most irresponsible, impolite things you two have ever done. You are the crown Prince and Princess of Camelot, and I expect you to behave like it. That behavior did not reflect royalty in the slightest.”
“We are very angry,” Merlin managed to get out between giggles.
“We are ” Arthur reminded him. Sometimes he swore he had three children instead of two.
“And poor Madam Francis,” he continued. “That lovely woman works so hard to teach you, and this is how you repay her?” Eliza and Adam looked away, obviously ashamed. “I expect you to apologize to her first thing in the morning. For now, go to your chambers while your father and I discuss what your punishment is going to be.”
This time it was Adam who spoke up. “But, Father!”
“You’re lucky I’m not sending you to stocks. Now, go.”
It was no sooner than the large oak doors shut behind the children than Arthur bursted out laughing. Merlin looked at him, confused.
“Did you see that? The look on those peoples faces when they dumped all those frogs- absolutely priceless!” Merlin joined in on the laughter, he hadn’t seen his husband this giddy in months. “And Madam Francis, the way she jumped up on that chair and screamed like that. I’ve been wanting to do that to the old crone since she was my tudor.”
“Arthur!” Merlin slapped him on the shoulder, still chuckling. The King never spoke ill of anyone at court.
“What? Come on, Merlin. She had to be there when they invented the Old Religion. Plus, I’m fairly convinced she’s pure evil. I didn’t even know she was capable of feeling fear until tonight.”
Merlin had to laugh at that. The lady even scared him to the point that he was afraid to even check on Eliza and Adam during their lessons anymore. “Then why subject our children to her?”
“She’s the best tudor Albion has to offer, as evidenced by my intelligence and knowledge in nearly all subjects.”
“Yeah, we should definitely fire her.”
“Shut up, Merlin.”
It was a good half an hour before the parents were able to quiet themselves. Arthur couldn’t remember laughing quite so hard. His stomach hurt.
“You were no help in there,” Arthur said lightly, but he meant it.
“What? You thought it was funny too!”
“Yes, but they can’t know that. The first rule of battle is that you never let the enemy see conflict among your ranks. We have to present a united front.”
“I’m not sure if war is the right analogy.”
“We have two children who are about to hit puberty. If you can think of a better metaphor, I’d love to hear it.”
Merlin couldn’t think of anything.
“Like I was saying,” Arthur continued. “Raising children is a battle, and we’re fighting a two front war here. We need to figure out a strategy to make sure that they know that tonight was unacceptable, no matter how amusing it might’ve been.” Merlin nodded.
“Now, we have to go up to the nursery and make them believe that we did not think tonight was funny. Think you can keep it together while we’re in there?”
Merlin nodded and saluted, mimicking the knights right before a battle.
Arthur let out a chuckle, “On me, then.”