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When Sirius saunters into the common room and Remus is so immersed in his Transformation homework that he doesn’t even look up, he is frustrated.
He’s used to getting a certain amount of attention and sure, there are some girls who are staring and giggling among each other and there’s James who’s more than glad to put his quill down and wave his best friend over to where the Marauders occupy the prime spots right in front of the fire, but Remus not acknowledging his presence is a major bother.
Sirius sulkily sinks into the soft cushions of the sofa next to the werewolf who continues to ignore him. He sighs loudly. All he wants is a nice long cuddle to make him forget about the tear-your-hair-out boring History of Magic lesson first thing in the morning and the failure that was his Wit-Sharpening-Potion this afternoon. But no. Remus just scribbles down line after line about the Incarcifors spell. Infuriating.
“Rough day, Black?” Lily grins as she joins the group, squeezing into James’ armchair with him. Since they have finally gotten their shit together at the end of last year they are virtually inseparable.
“Keeps getting worse,” Sirius grumbles and crosses his arms, glaring at the oblivious Remus. When this silent sulking technique does nothing to help his case, Sirius channels his inner Padfoot and goes for needy. He shuffles closer to Remus and puts his head on his shoulder.
“I could really use a hug,” he mumbles through a mouthful of sweater that smells deliciously of pine and tea and chocolate.
“I’m sure James would be happy to give you one; he’s a very affectionate person,” Remus replies without looking up from the parchment. James spreads his arms wide (as wide as possible with Lily literally pressed up to him) and grins at him to prove the point which Sirius only comments with a pout.
“A Moony hug,” he specifies.
“Pads, I’m studying,” Remus sighs, “I need to prepare for the N.E.W.T.s.”
“Classes have only just begun,” Sirius whines, “If you keep this up until the end of year I won’t be getting any hugs!”
“When I start now I won’t have to revise so much later. I don’t wanna fall behind. I’m… indisposed often enough,” Remus says in a low voice.
Sirius is quiet for a bit. He can’t really say anything against that but yet isn’t ready to settle for no cuddles. So in a swift movement he snatches Remus’ quill and parchment, retreats into the corner of the sofa and holds his theft behind him, out of Remus’ reach.
His friend turns to him with an exasperated look on his face. “Really?”
Sirius only raises an eyebrow with a smug grin curling his lips.
“I need those; the assignment is due on Monday!”
“Perfect, you’ll have all weekend to do it,” Sirius argues, “Please, Moony?”
Remus leans his head back and closes his eyes for a moment while Peter, Lily and James’ heads move from side to side, observing the scenery like a game of this muggle game - what was it? Peng Pong?
When Remus springs forward so suddenly that Sirius can barely process it, let alone move, a gasp goes through the audience. Remus makes a grab for his things but Sirius holds on tight when completely out of nowhere Remus bows down and presses a kiss to his lips.
Sirius freezes. When did this go from ‘no hugs’ to ‘let’s make out’? His brain has trouble catching up but his body is pretty quick to figure out he likes this. He likes it a lot. He knew that he found Remus attractive but he didn’t think he’d enjoy this as much as he does.
But before he can kiss back Remus’ lips are gone and he is standing in front of Sirius with his homework in his hands and the most self-satisfied grin on his face.
“Thanks.” And with that he’s turning on his heels and goes up to the dorm room - probably to study in peace.
Sirius stares at his hand that he thought had a tight grip on the parchment and quill in disbelief. “Did I just… let go?”
“Well, you were quite distracted,” Peter says drily. Sirius’ eyes drift to the stairs where Remus disappeared, very much speechless and left with a laughing James and Lily’s knowing smile.
Fuck.
Remus is pacing the dorm room. There is absolutely no way he could study right now. What on earth has he been thinking??
He’s not someone to randomly kiss people. Especially not guys. Especially not Sirius! How is he going to explain this? With a groan he slumps onto the edge of his bed, burying his face in his hands when there’s a knock on the door. Remus’ head shoots up.
“Who is it?”
Sirius wouldn't knock, right? He really doesn’t think he could face him right now.
“It’s me, can I come in?” Lily.
“It’s open.”
She walks in, closes the door behind her and turns around with a roguish grin on her face. “Remus Lupin, that was absolutely brilliant.”
“Are you kidding me?” Remus stares up at her desperately, “It was nothing short but a catastrophe!”
“In what way?”
“In every way!”
“Okay, first of all you did get your homework back,” Lily counters, “Second of all it was hilarious. Absolute genius. I bow to you.” And she actually does.
Remus shakes his head. “It won’t be hilarious when Sirius asks me about it. What am I supposed to say? People can’t just go around kissing their friends!”
“He didn’t look unhappy,” Lily says slowly, “Just… confused.”
“Bad enough,” Remus huffs, “What am I gonna tell him?”
Lily cocks her head. “Well, there’s option A: say that you’ve been head over heels for him since third year.”
“Oh fuck off, Nancy Drew!”
“Option B: say that you just wanted to distract him to get your stuff back.”
“I mean... that was the original plan.”
“Or - my personal favourite - option C: don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Just don’t say anything.” Lily shrugs. “I doubt he’ll ask anyway. Guys like Sirius sort these kinds of things out by themselves.”
“These kinds of things?”Remus asks.
“Feelings.”
“He’s not feeling anything, Lily!” Remus jumps up and continues pacing. “At least not like that. Not towards me.”
“That’s easy to find out,” Lily says, “Which is where part 2 of option C comes into play.”
“Drown myself in the Black Lake?”
“No, dumbass.” She hits his shoulder. “Flirt.”
“Because I’m such a natural flirt.” Remus voice is heavy with sarcasm.
“I’ll teach you.” She winks at him. When he only raises an unimpressed eyebrow she groans and places both hands on his shoulders. “Remus. You’ve been in love with him for 3 years now. It’s time to do something about it.”
He vigorously shakes his head. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
“If you see that the flirting doesn’t lead anywhere - which personally I doubt - just stop. What’s the harm? Sirius flirts all the time.”
“That’s different.” Remus fiddles with the hem of his sweater. “I don’t even know how to flirt.”
“Well, I told the guys I went up here to help you study. Wanna start?” Lily grins and even Remus manages a small smile.
“Do whatever you feel comfortable with, Re,” she says softly, “I just think it would be a waste if you didn’t even try.”
Sirius desperately needs someone to talk to. Normally he’d go to James and they’d work out a killer plan but this is a delicate topic. His colloquist of choice for that would be Remus. Who is out for obvious reasons.
Sirius sighs. He’s still sitting on the sofa in the common room and hasn’t even touched his homework. James looks up from ‘Quidditch through the ages’, which he has read approximately 724 times, with a concerned look. “You okay there Padfoot?”
“Hm? Oh, yeah I’m good.”
“You know you can talk to me right? About anything.”
Sirius smiles. He really does have the best friends. “I know, Prongs. Thanks.”
“And don’t let whatever is on your mind ruin your concentration tomorrow,” James adds, “We can’t lose to Slytherin!”
Lovely friends that only care about his wellbeing.
“Don’t worry,” he replies while finally getting up (his leg went dead, it’s about time), “None of us is very keen on a repetition of the Potter boot camp from last year.”
“We had lost to Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff.” James snorts. “Need I remind you of our precedent winning streak?”
“Please don’t.” Sirius stretches and carefully puts his foot down. Pins and needles. He grits his teeth and starts walking. James and his precarious pre-game moods aren’t what he needs right now.
“Are you going to bed?” James asks.
Sirius wishes he could. But Remus has not returned from their dorm and he needs to figure some things out by himself before he’ll be able to function like a normal human around him again. Or as normal as he gets.
“Nah, I’m heading out for a bit,” he replies, “Need some fresh air.”
“Remember to get enough sleep, though!” James calls after him as he climbs through the portrait hole. Sirius rolls his eyes. His best friend has always been very enthusiastic about Quidditch but ever since he became Captain and especially this year, now that it’s their last opportunity to win the cup, he can get almost unbearable.
Sirius wanders the corridors aimlessly. Despite really do needing some fresh air to clear his head he decided to stay indoors. While it’s still really warm on some days when the sun is burning down, it gets cold pretty quickly after it set, and of course Sirius has left his jacket in the dorm. His feet lead him to the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy teaching trolls how to dance (quite a difficult endeavour he would assume) on the seventh floor. Sirius knows the empty wall on the opposite just too well.
Some leg- and brainwork later he is standing in front of a tall wooden door and pushes down the handle. He has wished for a quiet place to get his thoughts straight (although that may not be the right word here) and relax and as usual the Room of Requirement doesn’t disappoint: it has morphed into a rather small room, considering the dimensions Sirius has seen it take on, with a large window facing the Black Lake, a crackling fireplace and a cushion-laden armchair that looks suspiciously similar to the ones in the Gryffindor common room.
Back to sitting then. Sirius flops into the armchair and sighs contentedly before his mind inevitably wanders back to Remus and The Kiss. How did that even happen? Remus isn’t one to randomly kiss people, actually when they first met he wasn’t even a fan of hugging his friends hello, but Sirius has conditioned him over the years to enjoy cuddling - at least when it’s with Sirius. Could this today have just been another step towards blurring the lines of their relationship? Or was it really only to distract him? Or something entirely different that Sirius doesn’t dare to think of?
He doesn’t even know if Remus likes guys! For some reason they have never talked about that. Sirius being bi has been different, something there was no need to talk about because he has simply always dated guys and girls, but Remus, who to Sirius’ knowledge has never dated anyone (not for a lack of offers, just to be clear), is harder to crack.
Even if he likes guys that doesn’t have to mean he likes Sirius. He might just be interpreting way too much into this. After all it was just a kiss, right? But this ‘just a kiss’ has turned Sirius’ whole world view upside down and he refuses to believe it doesn’t affect Remus at all. It has to. Because otherwise this stupid fluttery feeling in Sirius’ stomach would most definitely be an issue and a more than inappropriate one at that.
He sighs again, frustrated now, and allows himself to close his eyes and not think at all just for… a tiny… moment…
Remus has gone to bed quite early with his curtains drawn shut so no one would come up with the idea of talking to him. He needs to take counsel with his pillow before he can decide what to do. But his good night’s sleep is interrupted by a sudden rumbling as someone enters their dormitory. He checks his watch on the nightstand: 3am. What the hell?
He gets up quietly and peers through the curtains just in time to see Sirius disappear into the bathroom. That’s odd. Remus crawls back into bed with his brow furrowed. When he heard people coming in and going to bed at around 11 he just assumed that it would be all three of his fellow Marauders. It has been hard to distinguish because they have been unusually quiet and considerate, deeming him asleep, but he could swear that he heard three pairs of footsteps. Maybe Frank has been back early from his date with Alice? But that still doesn’t explain why Sirius has spent half the night out.
Maybe Lily is right and he really is trying to figure it out by himself. If there’s something to figure out. But Remus can’t think of another reason why his friend would roam the castle at these hours. They don’t have any prank planned, not with the game coming up, and nothing but that or a party usually keeps Sirius from his beloved bed.
So - method of elimination - he must have been thinking about The Kiss. And if he thinks about it, that means he didn’t just shrug it off. Which in result means that Remus might actually go with Lily’s absolutely bonkers plan. Merlin help him!
Sirius wakes up with a stiff neck.
No wonder. He has slept on that stupid armchair for 4 hours! And he hasn’t even come to a solution for his dilemma. He groans and sits up, carefully moving his head from side to side to relax the tense muscles.
“Padfoot, you up?” James’ grinning head pokes through the curtains around his bed. “Ready to slay some snakes?” Sirius hums in response and rubs his eyes. James’ narrow suspiciously. “You don’t exactly look well rested. When did you come back last night? I didn’t hear you.”
“Ge’ off my back, Prongs!” Sirius throws a pillow at his friend and grumpily gets up. He could only hope that Remus “Early Bird” Lupin already left for breakfast…
But fate didn’t mean well for him this morning as the first thing he sees as he draws back the curtains is a shirtless Remus just about to put on his Gryffindor jumper. He looks up, startled, and Sirius can’t help but stare, his eyes fixating on the thin white scar just above Remus’ hipbone where Padfoot had clawed Moony when their frolic has gotten a little out of hand on the last full moon.
Remus blushes but doesn’t seem half as embarrassed as he usually would if someone watched him getting dressed. Instead he puts on the jumper, walks past Sirius towards the door and says “I can’t wait to cheer you on later.” with a wink.
A wink!
Remus doesn’t wink. Sirius has never seen him wink before! He gulps drily and tries to concentrate on something other than Remus’ backside disappearing down the stairs.
“Are you sure you can play?” Luckily James jolts him out of his thoughts and raises an eyebrow. “You seem kinda out of it. You know I could always ask Frank.”
“And watch him fall off the broom?” Sirius scoffs and grabs his Quidditch jersey, finally regaining control of his limbs.
“He’s not that bad,” James says with an eyroll.
“Don’t worry, Captain.” Sirius grins and slaps him on the shoulder, “I’m more than ready to win this.” Because then Remus might hug him and he’ll get another nose of his infatuating smell.
Remus is tapping his fingers next to his full plate. Peter has the habit of shoveling food onto it and making him eat, especially in the mornings because “breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And you’re already so thin, Moony!” but today even the smell makes him sick.
Why, oh why did he go for the wink? What a bloody stupid idea. He never winks. He should stick to that. There are reasons! And then the timing - right after Sirius saw his scars. Not that he doesn’t already know them but Remus usually makes sure no one watches when he gets changed. It only reminds people of the hideous monster he is. Which - cue sarcasm - is just great for flirting! Remus groans and lets his head drop to the table with a thud.
“Good morning boys!” Lily says from behind, sounding way too cheerful for Remus ears. She sits down next to him and grins meaningfully. “Sooo how’s it going?”
“Awful,” Remus replies glumly and lifts his head back up.
“Because of the egg in your hair?”
“What?” Remus hands shoot up to comb through his fringe. Indeed. Scrambled egg. “Today is a disaster.”
“Maybe following my plan would improve it.” Lily wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.
“I did follow your plan,” Remus grumbles, “That was part one of today being a disaster.”
“How so?” The eyebrows fall and her brow furrows instead. “Did it not go well?”
“I don’t know, I walked away and didn’t see the reaction. But I was… bad. Really bad.”
“Am I supposed to get what you’re talking about or…?” Peter looks back and forth between them confusedly.
“Sorry, Pete. Classified information.”
“Everyone has secrets with each other. I’m starting to think you guys don’t trust me.” Peter’s pouting is luckily interrupted by Sirius and James entering the Great Hall with their Quidditch jerseys on and a flock of worshippers at heel. And of course they both make a big show out of it, grinning and waving at the cheering crowd.
“Why do we even put up with them?” Lily rolls her eyes but Remus hears the fond smile in her voice.
Sirius sits down opposite of Remus which is not exactly great because it will make it harder to not look at him with his stupid hair and his stupid jersey and his stupid pretty smile. Damn you, Black. Remus is certain that the only thing he’ll get down right now is his tea, so he concentrates on that, stirs in some sugar and licks the spoon slowly, savouring the taste.
“Padfoot, these are last minute tactics, you might wanna listen,” James complains and Remus looks up just in time to see Sirius’ hazy gaze shift from his teaspoon to the Quidditch Captain. “Hm?”
“Bad?” Lily whispers in Remus’ ear while the two boys go on about bluffs and dives, “You are fiendishly good at this! Have you seen his face? That was basically porn.”
“Oh, shut up,” Remus hisses back, turning beet red. He must admit, though, he likes being able to divert Sirius’ attention and to have him focus on only him. Maybe this flirting wasn’t a bad idea after all.
Sirius and James leave soon after to prepare for the game and Remus, Lily and Peter join them to get good seats in the stands. ‘Seats’ is relative, though. It’s not like anyone actually sits during a game of Quidditch. Remus himself, normally being a rather quiet character, always freaks out during the games. He blames it on his house patriotism and totally not Sirius’ bum in those trousers.
Today will be no different. He’s at the ready with his “Go Lions!” flag, the red and golden Gryffindor jumper and the matching scarf and beanie. Only an actual roaring lion could be more of a fanboy. Although… If Remus remembers correctly Sirius still has his old training jersey (which the players were kindly asked to return but never did. Nostalgia probably.) and that would be even more fitting.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” he quickly tells his friends and jogs off towards the castle.
In their dormitory he doesn’t bother trying to find the Jersey. Even though Sirius is surprisingly tidy he has his own kind of system when it comes to putting things away and Remus doesn’t want to go through his whole wardrobe. So he casts a quick Accio and has the Jersey flying into his outreached hand from where it has lain on Sirius’ bed. Well, if he repurposed his sacred jersey as a pyjama he certainly wouldn’t mind Remus wearing it for the game.
He takes off his jumper and slips into the jersey, inhaling Sirius’ unique scent (a thrilling mix of leather, pine soap and wet dog). Luckily Remus is quite thin so the fabric doesn’t strain uncomfortably, although it is a little short… It’ll do, Remus decides, puts his jumper back on atop the jersey (the cold is not his friend) and hurries back outside.
Sirius is rarely nervous before a Quidditch game any more. Back when he first started playing, sure, but by now he has grown accustomed to the roaring crowds, the pressure to win and the booming sound of someone on the speakers introducing the teams (after Fabian Prewett’s graduation they have struggled to find a new commentator to follow in his footsteps and gave several students a chance who were all no patch on him. Today it is a particularly keen second year Ravenclaw, Gilderoy something. Although his keenness, as far as Sirius can tell, hardly exceeds boasting about himself.).
But today his nerves are going haywire. He’s not sure whether it is because of the restless night or this being James’ and his first game of their last year or because of Remus fucking Lupin and the picture of him licking that damned spoon that he just can’t seem to rid of his mind. Anyway it’s getting harder to stay at least outwardly calm with every minute they sit in the locker room waiting for the sign to walk onto the pitch.
Finally, finally the game begins and takes Sirius’ mind off all things but Quidditch. That is at least before he scores the 30:10 for Gryffindor, looking over to their fans proudly and witnesses Remus basically tearing off his jumper to reveal - and Sirius almost falls off his broom - his old jersey. His mouth goes dry. What by Merlin’s pink dotted underpants- and how did he- and why-
His trainwreck of thought is interrupted by a bludger to his thigh that almost throws him off the broom. This boy will be the death of me. Sirius tries his best not to think about Remus wearing his jersey with his name on it and his number and - oh, Merlin - probably remnants of some of the things he does during nighttime!
He turns his crimson face away from the Gryffindor stands, trying to convince himself that this is nothing strange, nothing to worry about and certainly not what triggers the heat rising in his stomach or the ragged breathing he struggles to get back to normal as James comes up behind him, slapping him on the back.
“Nice shot, Padfoot,” he grins, “What’s with your face?”
Sirius mumbles something incoherent and dares another quick glance to the stands where Remus excitedly talks to Peter. In his jersey. Which is perfectly fine. He takes a deep breath and grins back at James. “Nothing wrong with my face. Wanna try a Body Blow on Talkalot?”
And he shoots off towards the Slytherin Captain, not bothering to see if James follows - he knows he does. They close in on the blonde and chase her down the pitch until she has no other choice but to pass the Quaffle that James of course intercepts.
And- “James Potter scores! What a lad, that guy. Has shaken my hand at the feast last year and I’m sure he’d love to teach me some tactics…”
Sirius blocks out the annoying commentator (this one doesn’t seem like he’ll last long either) and flies towards James for a fist bump when he feels something whoosh past him and turns to see Mary diving for the snitch while the Slytherin seeker helplessly watches from across the field.
“Mary MacDonald catches the snitch. 150 points and the game go to... Gryffindor!”
Sirius screams in triumph and zooms past the cheering stands with his fist raised in a winner pose. His eyes search for his friends in the crowd and find them just in time to see Remus throwing his arms up, shouting approval, and his old jersey riding up and up and Sirius is easily 60 feet away but he swears he can see the trail of golden hairs leading up to his belly button and that scar and his breathing is way too fast again and time. just. stops.
And then he’s past them and joins the rest of the team huddling around Mary on the ground who is bright red from being the centre of attention but is smiling just as brightly , proud to have caught the snitch so early on in her first ever game - and against Slytherin!
“That was some superb seekering!” James roars and starts a giant group hug, that is soon joined by other Gryffindors. Lily is the first to arrive, enveloping James in a bone crushing hug, while Remus comes up right behind.
“Nice game!”
“Nice jersey!” Sirius laughs, “Might be a little short, huh?”
“I hope you don’t mind,” Remus grins back, “I was going for the authentic Sirius-Black-stan look.”
“Are you kidding? You look gorgeous!” The win must have rendered his brain-mouth-link useless. He quickly pulls Remus in for a hug and buries his reddening face in the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply.
“Why, thank you, I might keep it,” Remus replies with a cheeky grin, “I like the effect it has on you.”
He leans forward, pressing a chaste kiss to Sirius’ cheek and is gone the next moment, off to congratulate the rest of the team. Sirius meanwhile only just manages to not have his knees giving in. His heart is racing, he’s probably still red (it’s starting to get annoying) and he has to ask Peter to repeat his compliments twice before the words finally get through to him. How Remus can do this so nonchalantly it is a mystery to him.
Remus’ legs have rarely felt so wobbly. He leans against Lily to regain his balance while she gives him a covert thumbs up.
His heart is racing. Even though yesterday he has already kissed Sirius on the mouth, this kiss on the cheek felt a lot more weighty. Maybe because yesterday has been a spontaneous notion and today Remus is following a plan with intentions he hopes to be able to satisfy.
And at the moment it really doesn’t look too bad. He’s surprised by his own ability to smoothly flirt (even though he always feels like he wants to tear his hair out afterwards) and even more so by Sirius’ reactions to it. He’s starting to think that Lily might actually be right about him liking him back and it’s an infatuating thought. It would be even better if Sirius flirted back sometimes instead of just looking adorably flustered. But he did just call Remus gorgeous.
When the team retreats to their locker rooms - obviously not before James has made the highly anticipated announcement that there would be a big party in the common room tonight - Remus and Lily walk back to the castle while Peter stays behind, chatting up that Hufflepuff girl he studied Herbology with last year.
“It’s actually looking good for him, huh?” Remus can’t seem to wipe the smile off his face.
“I know someone for whom it’s looking even better.” Lily nudges him in the shoulder with a grin that once again triggers him blushing.
“It’s really going better than I thought it would,” he admits, “Thanks for encouraging me.”
“Always.” They walk in silence for a while.
“But I don’t get why he’s not flirting back,” Remus suddenly says, “He always flirts!”
“Maybe he’s overwhelmed,” Lily ponders, “Or shy?”
“Sirius Black and shy?” Remus raises an eyebrow. “I hardly think so.”
“Well no, not usually. But that’s when he’s in his comfort zone and has control,” she points out, “You flirting with him is out of the ordinary and he’s confused.” She is quiet for a moment before she adds: “Probably also because he likes it.”
“Sirius knows he’s bi, he’s known that forever. Why would he be confused?”
“Because he didn’t know he likes you.”
Remus doesn’t know how to reply to that, so he just sighs. Lily nudges him again in a cheer-up way. “Don’t worry, Re. Even the most hopeless cause can turn into something great. Ask James!” Remus snorts and links their arms for the rest of the way. He’s really glad to have Lily helping him through this.
Remus doesn’t know where it came from but he is pretty sure the punch is spiced with firewhisky. He puts his glass down and looks around the room. The party only just started and the common room is already crammed with not just Gryffindors but also Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs who are just as happy about their win.
He sees Peter DJing in the corner, something he has become quite passionate about since his dad gave him his old audio equipment that is now being admired by various purebloods. If that isn’t the final push for that Hufflepuff to go on a date with him then Remus doesn’t know. He tries to attract his attention to telepathically transfer some of his own smooth flirting techniques (if that hint of firewhisky already made him so cocky Remus doesn’t want to know what would happen if he finished the glass) but he’s busy with the music. Remus wouldn’t have taken him for a connoisseur on that matter but he is putting on a pretty decent mix. The people certainly like it. There is an actual dance floor centred around James and Lily, everyone’s dream couple.
He catches Sirius’ eye who is watching him from across the room where he has escaped to after a huge crowd of admirers raided him. His skin tingles from just the gaze. Sirius beckons him over with a nod and Remus’ legs start moving before his brain can intercept. He can’t but obey those dark grey orbs, especially when their sole focus lies on him despite all of the people in the room. He sinks into the cushions next to Sirius who hands him a butterbeer.
“Thanks.” He takes a sip and hums contentedly. His lycanthropy doesn’t get along well with alcohol, not even butterbeer, so he rarely drinks it. It’s a shame, actually, considering his sweet tooth. “Not in the mood to be the life of the party?”
Sirius shrugs. “I’m kinda tired.” No wonder, Remus thinks. “And these girls over there are always asking the same questions and their giggling makes my head hurt.” He gesticulates somewhere behind Remus who sees a clutter of Gryffindor sixth-years almost breaking their necks pretending not to stare. When he turns back, Sirius looks at him weirdly.
“You have a little- some foam on your- right there…” He taps the corner of his mouth and Remus quickly twigs: he deliberately wipes his cheek, way too high to actually get the foam. “No, it’s lower, more like-” Remus wipes his chin. “The corner of your mouth, Moons!” As Remus wipes the centre of his lips, Sirius looks like he’s on the verge of tears.
“Did I get it?”
Sirius opens his mouth in one last desperate attempt but decides against it. He lifts his hand, carefully steadies it on Remus’ cheek and wipes the foam with his thumb.
Which he then mindlessly licks.
He freezes within the movement, thumb still in his mouth, and Remus just stares. The moment seems like forever until Sirius finally pulls his thumb out with a silent ‘plop’. Remus coughs and rummages in his brain for something to diffuse the awkward tension. Or should he keep on flirting? Would it be to much? He has absolutely no clue and tragically no way to consult Lily. Her and James are still rocking the dance floor.
Surprisingly Peter turns out to be his salvation. When Remus hears the first notes of Fernando play, a song by the - even in the magical community - popular band Abba, he stands up and holds his hand out to Sirius in what he hopes isn’t as cheesy a gesture as it feels.
“What are you doing?” Sirius looks up at him with big eyes.
“Asking you… to dance,” Remus replies, his courage wavering again. Sirius’ gaze drops. “You still have your butterbeer.”
Remus looks at the bottle. “Right.” He begins to drink in a hopeless attempt to down the entire thing but thinks better of it and just sets it down. “Now will you dance with me?”
Sirius is looking rather stunned and Remus isn’t sure if that’s a good thing, but he, too, sets down his bottle, gets up and takes Remus’ hand.
And so they stand, both blushing again and neither knowing what to do next. It’s actually Sirius who takes the initiative, namely Remus’ other hand, pulling him closer. They start swaying clumsily and Remus faintly registers that the girls aren’t giggling anymore.
He boldly lets go of one of Sirius’ hands to place it on his lower back instead and when Sirius in turn puts his hand in Remus’ shoulder it’s almost like they’re actually dancing. It’s awkward and gawky and probably highly unaesthetic but he can feel Sirius’ body heat and they’re close and they’re dancing and it might be the hint of alcohol but he’s getting really warm and his hand involuntarily slips just a little lower, almost grazing a curve, and-
Sirius flinches and whisper screams “The fuck Remus?”
Remus is so dazed he can’t even react as Sirius wrests out of his arms and all but sprints out of the common room. He just stands there, dumbstruck. It’s like it happened in fast forward and he can’t really comprehend what’s even going on except that people are watching them and some girl giggles again and he is empty empty empty.
Suddenly Lily is next to him, pushing him towards the portrait hole and urgently whispering “Go after him, Re. Go!” And so he goes.
The realisation only slowly trickles into his brain: I royally fucked up.
Sirius is out on his own again, not aimlessly wandering this time but on a panic-fuelled run.
He has to get away - although he’s not even sure what from. Remus? It’s not like he actually groped him and it probably wasn’t on purpose anyway. Remus wouldn’t. Right? After the last two days Sirius isn’t sure about anything anymore, but most importantly he’s losing grip of what he’s feeling.
The dancing has been nice. He likes having Remus touching him. He likes having him close. So why did he run?
Sirius comes to a halt at the big oak tree next to the Black Lake where the Marauders always spend their free periods, falls down against its trunk and lets his head drop between his tucked up knees. Did he utterly overreact? Does he utterly overreact?
This is just Remus. His friend. Sirius should be the least to feel weird about flirting and overly affectionateness towards friends. It’s just that Remus usually-
That.
That’s it.
Remus isn’t usually like this and it creeps Sirius out. Because what if it’s just a bet? (Remus would do almost anything for a bar of his favourite Muggle chocolate.) Something stupid James or Peter have cooked up to see how far he would allow the lines to blur? Not very far apparently.
Sirius groans and leans his head back against the tree trunk. Lights twinkle before his closed eyes. A flash of golden-brown irises. And Sirius just gives in to the thought that has bubbled beneath the surface of his mind for quite a while now: I like him.
And not just like a friend. Sirius likes him in a way that makes him aware of the sound of floorboards creaking under Remus’ slippers first thing in the morning and of it being his favourite thing to wake up to. In a way that has his stomach in knots (in a good way) when Remus just as much as smiles at him. In a way that has him ready to fight tooth and claw for his Moony to be happy.
In a way that makes him worry this is not real.
“Pads?” he hears a small, timid voice. Of course he came after him.
“Hey,” he says with a strained smile, opening his eyes. Remus stands awkwardly with his head down and fiddles with his hands.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs.
“It’s okay, Moony,” he sighs.
“No, it’s not,” Remus insists, “I made you uncomfortable.”
“It’s okay, really,” Sirius says, getting up, “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just… confused. You’re not usually like this.”
Remus huffs a laugh with a pained expression. “This was all Lily’s dumb idea.”
Sirius stomach drops. “So it was a bet.”
“A bet?” Remus looks up with a furrowed brow. “N-no. Just this stupid plan she made because she knows-” He closes his mouth quickly, looking like he said to much.
“Knows what?” Sirius asks warily. She can’t possibly know about his feelings, right? He hasn’t even known about them himself!
Remus laughs nervously. “Well, you know Lily. She knows everything, that girl.”
“What does she know, Remus.” Sirius’ voice is sharper than intended and he immediately regrets it.
“I, I…” Remus stammers, wrapping his arms around himself in a protective manner, and then his watery eyes spill over. “Sorry,” he whispers shakily and turns his reddening face away.
Sirius rushes to him and hugs him tightly, mumbling soothingly “Hey, Moony… it’s okay, it‘s all good. You don’t have to tell me. I’m just nosy, you know that.” He’s not sure if Remus laughs or hiccups at that. “Please stop crying, Re, I can’t stand to watch you cry. It’s all good, really-”
“I like you,” Remus blurts out. Sirius breath hitches in his throat. He steps back to look at him, utterly dumbstruck. So Remus just keeps talking with a desperate edge to his voice. “I have for a while. Lily knows and when I kissed you yesterday she had the idea to- to just keep it going, the flirting. She thought that it might make you realise you like me back or something like that.” He rolls his eyes and laughs humorlessly. “Obviously she was wrong.” - “She wasn’t.” - “And I’m really sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, I’ll get over it, I promise, I-” Remus stops in the middle of his rambling, staring at Sirius. “What did you say?”
“She wasn’t wrong,” Sirius repeats slowly.
Remus just blinks and Sirius realises how close they are, so close actually, that he could count the golden specks in Remus’ eyes and the freckles on his nose that most people don’t even know exist. “You’re gonna have to elaborate,” Remus whispers.
“I- okay, so this may sound stupid.” He aims for a lopsided grin, but probably lands at a grimace. And his hands are shaking. Why are his hands shaking?? “I guess I liked you for quite a while, too,” he begins carefully, “I just… thought it was hopeless? I didn’t even know if you liked guys, let alone me. I mean, you always let me cuddle you and stuff but you always just allow it, never initiate. So I didn’t know? And I just kind of suppressed it? I suppose?” Sirius isn’t used to talking about his feelings and it feels new and raw and way too revealing to be comfortable but he has to keep going, has to make Remus know how he feels. “But then yesterday you kissed me. And at first I thought it was just a distraction-” “It was at first...” “-but then you kept being this… well, flirty. And proactive. It was like a U-turn from what you’re usually like around people and it really affected me.” He quickly adds “In a good way!” when he sees Remus’ face. “But it was scary because I wasn’t sure if it was real. It changed so quickly. I thought you guys wanted to prank me or something.” He huffs out an awkward laugh. “Would do me well, eh?” Remus looks like he wants to protest but Sirius isn’t finished yet. “And we’re friends. You’re one of my best friends. I couldn’t ruin that with unrequited feelings. But now…” He takes a deep breath and smiles up at Remus. “Now I know they’re not. Unrequited. I’m still fucking scared but I’m feeling all giddy inside and-”
“Would you just shut up and kiss me?” Remus interrupts him with a huge smile on his lips.
And Sirius doesn’t hesitate, cups his face with both hands and kisses him passionately. His whole body is tingling and when Remus kisses him back, pressing him up against the tree, he has to break away, hiding his face in the crook of Remus’ neck.
“I can’t stop smiling,” he mutters against the soft skin. Remus chuckles quietly and nuzzles Sirius’ hair. “Me neither.” He bumps Sirius’ hand with his, who then cautiously interlaces their fingers.
“Lily really is a genius, huh?”
“Or a Seer. And she didn’t even take Divination.”
“No one in their right mind takes Divination.”
“Hey!” Sirius punches Remus’ shoulder with a laugh. “For your information it’s a very interesting subject.” Remus raises an eyebrow grinningly. “And it’s also quite easy to get good grades.”
“Shut up.”
Sirius leans back into him, looking down on their interlaced fingers and still unable to suppress that stupid smile.
“Do you wanna head back to the party?” Remus asks, his thumb caressing Sirius’ hand, “People are probably starting to look for you.”
“They can keep looking for a while,” Sirius murmurs lazily and presses a soft kiss to Remus’ neck, “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I was wrong before,” Remus says and Sirius looks up at him questioningly. “I wouldn’t have gotten over it that easily. Probably not at all.”
Sirius lifts his free hand to comb through his tawny curls. “Me neither,” he whispers and kisses him.