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They always were told about how important rest is.
The moments of tranquility inbetween work and the everyday turmoil that was life. When everything became silent and for a moment the world ceased to exist.
Of course, Gelfling were hardworking but usually they kept their focus on the more pleasurable aspects of life. Even the fierce Stonewood warriors knew when it was time to cast aside their weapons and care for themselves and all their surroundings. After all, Thra and all it´s creatures thrived when Balance was found.
At least that´s what they always said.
But times had changed. And in between the various meetings of the resistance council, training of many Gelfling that, before, had never even touched a weapon and the countless battles they fought for Thra, Rian found himself sorely lacking of any rest.
For him, ever since the last battle of Stone in the wood, the world had started to slow down to a painful degree. Much in contrast to the weeks before.
Everything following Miras death had raced past him so fast, pulling him along into a whirlwind of events and emotions, never letting him quite catch up. And then, just as he had been about to adjust to it; Everything had stopped in its tracks. Everything exept Rian, it seemed.
Every day for the past unum had stretched out is welcome for the Stonewood in the most insufferable ways. Not because he had nothing to do, quite the opposite really. There was never not something to do for Rian. Never not a Gelfling that needed advice and never not an opportunity to call together the Maudras to discuss their next step. But still Rian was unable to escape the twitching of his fingers or the trembling of his right leg underneath the war table. No matter how much he occupied himself, it always felt as If he was missing out on something to do.
Even in the rare moments where he could take the time, Rians mind was as restless as his body. In the even rarer cases that he found some sleep, his dreams were riddled with images of his Father, Mira and Deet all slowly disappearing out of view, while Rian could not move. He heard their screams for help, their cries of sadness and agony and Rian could not answer. Most of the time he would wake up in a cold sweat feeling more tired than before and with each passing night, the exhaustion became apparent to his fellow Gelfling. But most did not dare to speak it out infront of him.
For Gurjin, it was especially tough to see his best friend deteriorate infront of his very eyes. Mabye because he was one of the very few that remembered what Rian was supposed to be like. He remembered the Rian that didn´t have shadows under his eyes, as great as the ones that the mountain-front of Har'ar cast in the evening. Gurjin remembered his friend that patrolled the empty halls of the crystal castle with him and filled them with light and life with each step, not the Rian that wandered amongst the wrecked homes and trees of stone in the wood, more a ghost than a person.
He remembered a Rian that slept like a rock, cradled by his side, a peaceful face lit up by the three sisters light. Not the one that would shoot up yelling and grabbing for the nearest weapon, scaring the other recruits to a point where they had to give him separate quarters.
It wasn't like Gurjin did not have his fair share of nightmares. He did. And there had been many a nights, where he woke up to his back hurting at the very spots the Skeksis had plugged their disgusting machine into him. But once awake, he did a fairly good job of pushing back these memories and getting to the matter at hand. It wasn´t for him that his heart broke. It was for Rian.
He tried to understand that The Stonewood needed to take the responsibilities within the Resistance that he took, If not for their cause then for Rian himself. Gurjin wanted to be supportive of his friend like he had always been even with the occasional complaint. Thra knows Rian could not take yet another trusted Friend to leave his side. But as he watched the life slowly being drained out of Rian, one of the few people besides his family, he loved more than all of Thra, Gurjin couldn´t help but grow more and more resentful of the leaders of their Rebellion. Them and their utter dependency on Rian. This however was a thought he kept well hidden.
At least until the day Rian collapsed.
Gurjin wasn´t there when it happened. The Maudras and Rian who, somehow by default, had filled the empty throne that Maudra Fara had left with her return to Thra, had been meeting up once again to discuss the recent invasion of the Garthim around the Castle. Then, a few hours in, Rian, who according to Laesid, had been talking, started to grow more and more pale while his voice began to fade and just like that, too fast for any of the present Gelfling to react, he had lost conciousness and fallen head first into the war table.
Gurjin remembered that he had been in his workshop when confused and scared chatter had lured him outside. Once he had seen that it was Rian who they were carrying out, concious again but defenitely ghastly looking, all the worry and fear Gurjin had tried so hard supress and reason with was pushed to the surface in one moment.
Faster than a sandstorm in the crystal desert, he had set out for the small crowd, shooing away any curious bystanders and demanded an explaination to what had happened.
Upon hearing that it must have been exhaustion that had caused the collapse, Fear turned into Anger and Gurjin was not sure wether he would have been able to supress his urge to yell at the leaders of his very race, if Rian had not been his top priority. But as the remaining Maudras gave Rian over to a helpful Drenchen healer that had rushed in for help. And as Gurjin followed them into the sickbay, a larger tent they had set up for their injured to recover in, He knew that things had to come to a halt.
Enough was enough.
Rians forehead had to get stitches from his fall onto the table. It was true, he was lucky that he had not been hurt any more. What he felt less lucky about, was Gurjin sitting at the side of his bed, refusing to let Rian get up and carry on his duty.
"You are not walking out of this place until you had a long rest. No.",
Rian pinched the bridge of his nose: "Gurjin, I am fine. There is nothing to worry about.", as much as he appreciated his best friends concern, there were more pressing matters at hand than a little bit of a bump on his head. But Gurjin remained persistent:
"You don´t get to tell me what or who I worry about. You. Stay. Here.",
He was rarely one to raise his voice like this. If Rian was being honest it did startle him a bit. Usually everything Gurjin said had a gentle but playful undertone. He was known to break up the tension, not be the cause of it. But not this time. However he quickly composed himself. To loose time was not an option for him, just as little as loosing this argument.
"I will not stay here all cradled up, while the Skeksis destroy our land and kill our people.", Rian glared, gathering his belongings and sat up straight,
"I have to continue this meeting whether you like it or not.", he finished, ready to slide off the bed, when suddenly Gurjin grabbed him by his shoulders.
"Wh-", had Rian not been caught off guard, he certainly would have managed a way to slip out as soon as Gurjin had put his hands of him. But unfortunately, the Drenchen had had the element of suprise on his side, so now Rian found himself being pressed down with his back on the hay matress, Gurjin pinching him down via his hands and their faces merely a few inches apart.
"You. Stay.", Gurjin growled more than he spoke, his amber eyes fixiating on Rians blue ones, his gaze drilling deep, sending chills down the smallers spine.
"Gurjin this is ridiculous. Let me go.", Rian tried to push back but strengthwise he knew he was no match to the Drenchen. It didn´t help that he as still dizzy from his fall either.
He began trying to squirm his way out of Gurjins grasp, twisting his hands and wrists in the hopes of slipping away but no such luck, Gurjin merely tightened his grasp and Rian remained trapped underneath his friend who now climbed up the bed before he could think to kick at him.
"Gurjin stop it. This isn´t funny.", he cried out, still wriggling underneath.
Gurjins gaze turned sharper: "Oh I don´t think this is funny either. I don´t think it´s funny one bit that you cannot even give yourself a break after collapsing in a damm war room.",
Rian, tried not to listen, he only kept struggling violently as Gurjin continued:
"I don´t think it is funny that for the past Unum I had to watch you, push yourself to your limits again and again and not being able to do a thra forsaken thing about it.", his grip around Rians wrist tightened a without him noticing but not enough to actually hurt Rian.
"No, Not until I have to watch you being carried out of a meeting with a bleeding forehead and as pale as a Silverling."
Rians chest convulsed, anger filling it this time instead of frustration.
"Well then look away if it´s too much to bear.", he snapped, "No one is asking you to watch over me like a damm crystal bat, least of all me.", those words weren´t intended to sound as sharp as they did when they left his mouth. Rian would have regretted them, had his only thought not been escaping his friend and cursing to himself.
"And yet here I am!", Gurjin cried out, his face jerked closer as If it would help carry his words through to Rian and into his dense, stonewood skull.
"Here I am as I´ve always been.", his voice broke and Gurjin didn´t even notice the few tears of frustration, prickling down his cheeks. He hung his head over a gasping and panting Rian who suddenly stopped resisting and looked at him with big shocked eyes.
"Here I am As I always will be.", he only muttered those last words. His voice trembled with a hint of bitterness but mostly he just sounded...sad.
No matter the support and words of care Gurjin had given to Rian, he still was in the place he was now, exhausted and sick. Gurjin had never felt like this powerless before. Even in Skeksis captivity, arguably the worst moment of his life, he had held a certain control over them. One that they could not take hold of no matter what they tried. And that control had kept his friend safe. And when the second battle of Stone in the Wood had taken place Gurjin had been able to help with the Drenchens arrival. Now, he felt useless.
Rays of sunlight illumitated the small flakes of dust and hay floating around them from their tussle. Rian was silent with the exeption of his shivering breath, staring at the tents ceiling. Gurjin remained hovering over him but his head was bowed and his forehead rested on Rians rising and falling chest. His eyes were closed shut and his grip finally loosened.
"You don´t know that."
Rians voice sounded hoarse and defeated. Although he could practically free himself now that Gurjin had lowered his guard, Rian just lied there, suddenly drained of the frustration and anger from a few seconds ago. The world spun a bit and he could feel his forehead still throbbing. Gurjin slowly lifted his head to look at Rian who was still staring at the ceiling almost forcibly. As If he couldn´t bear to look at his friend right now.
"What?", Gurjin asked confused.
"You said you will always be here. But you don´t know that.", Rian choked on the last few words. His lips pressed together in a thin line. Gurjin furrowed his brows. It was true, technically he couldn´t look into the future to make sure he would always be there for Rian. After all we wasn´t a soothsayer. But he felt like this ran deeper than the literal sense of future vision. He let go of Rians wrists completely and tried to read the others expression.
"What do you mean?"
"Everything that has happened.", Rian began slowly, "Mira and Father and...and Deet. I never saw it coming.", speaking their names made the smaller Gelfling clench the fabric underneath his fingers as If they caused him physical pain. "I feel like everytime I loose sight of what´s infront of me, something horrible happens. I can´t sleep because all I see is them and what might happen If we fail..If...If.", he swallowed and exhaled sharply as his eyes began watering up.
"If I fail.", Rian closed his eyes and tears ran down from the corner of eyes over his temples.
Whatever tension had been left in Gurjin quickly faded as he heard those words and his face softened up. He leaned over Rian once more, resting his hands beside the Stonewoods face but this time he let their foreheads bump gently.
"But this is not your burden alone to bear.", he uttered quietly and he could feel Rian inhaling shakily before letting out a quick bitter laugh.
"You want to know what one of the last things I said to Deet was?", Rian opened his reddened eyes and looked directly into Gurjins, "Things would be better."
"I make these Gelfling believe that there is something worth fighting for. That there is a future waiting for them after the battle. How can I do this, If I am not giving it everything I have?
How can I justify all the sacrifices the people around me made. Even you.", Gurjins eyes widened for a moment when Rian said this but he could not speak yet as Rian continued.
"You got captured and tortured because you believed that what I was doing, was more important.", Rians face riddled itself with pain and sadness as a tight knot tied itself into Gurjins stomach.
Seeing Rian like that, with all his vulnerability laid out, all he wanted to do in this very moment was hold his friend and never let go. He raised his left hand and carefully brushed away some sweaty strands of bangs before he cupped the others cheek. Giving him a understanding gaze, he wiped away any leftover tears with his thumb.
"I didn´t stay behind in the Crystal Castle just because of some greater good.", Gurjin said softly while his other arm carefully slid under Rians back and lifted the two up. They were now sitting across each other, faces still touching. Gurjin carried on:
"I wanted you to live. Because you are my friend, you fool.", he slowly pulled Rian closer to him, letting the other rest his forehead on his shoulders while he leaned to the side with his cheek against Rians head. They remained like this for a while. Simply breathing in the company of the other. Noone saying a word. Ever since the Resistance had formed, there had been rarely any opportunities for them to do things like this. It was comforting to know that even midst of all this Chaos, moments like that could still exist. But not forever. Gurjin broke the silence.
"If you want to call someone a failure, then me.", he said.
As If that statement had pulled Rian out of a small dream, he immediately broke the hug and stared at Gurjin in shock. This was something he didn´t wanted to take roots for even a minute.
"No! No, you´re not a failure,", he exclaimed and took a hold of the Drenchen by the shoulders, squeezing them. Gurjin only gave a short exhale out of his nose and began glaring to the side.
"Yeah right.", he said bitterly, "I was supposed to be there for you. Keep things off your back. But all I did was watch, while you ran around, working yourself to the brink of a breakdown", his brows furrowed and he scoffed: "Tell me what kind of friend does that."
Now that suprised him. Rian couldn´t help but be taken aback by the others words. He never even had entertained the thought that this is how Gurjin had felt all this time, no, how he had made Gurjin feel. In a twisted way it stirred up a little bit of happiness inside the Gelflings heart, to know that Gurjin cared for him like that. But for the most part, he only felt guilt.
"You know that´s not your responsibility.", he began fiddling with his words but Gurjin interrupted him.
"This isn´t about responsibility,", he groaned turning his head again to face Rian again who glanced upon his friend with confusion, "I love you Rian. And by The Crystal, I don´t have alot loved ones left. If I were to loose you I...", he couldn´t bring himself to finish the sentence. The mere thought of it disturbed him enough. Instead, he took one of Rians hands off his shoulders and held them with both of his.
"You say you have to do this, because you made everyone believe in a brighter future. But for me there is no brighter future without you."
He looked at Rian who had been staring at him wide eyed. The copper hues around his pupil shined in the three brothers light and even though he still was very much a mess from before, Gurjin found him beautiful.
It took Rian a moment to compose himself enough to give any sort of reply. He had known that he was important to Gurjin. Of course he was, they had been friends the longest and there was no doubt in Rians mind that Gurjin held a special place in his heart aswell. But there had always been a sense of playfulness in everything they did together that, now that he thought about it, had almost prohibited Rian from believing their relationship ran as deep and serious as it did. But there he was, sitting across from him in a sickbay, clutching Rians hand to his chest and telling him that without him, there was no bright future ahead. It made Rian feel...warm. The kind of warmth that came from deep within his stomach and spread through his entire body enveloping him. Heavy but comforting like a bulky blanket on a cold night.
Slowly, Rian reached out with his remaining hand, lying it ontop of Gurjins. While the other watched him with a expression he could not quite read, Rian pulled their hands towards him and planted a soft kiss of Gurjins fingers.
"I love you too.", he mumbled against them, gazing back at Gurjin sheepishly, "I´m sorry I caused you all this worry."
A sigh of ...perhaps relief? escaped the Drenchen, who inched closer to Rian until their shoulders touched. "I guess I´m used to it by now.", he remarked and nudged Rians side with a slightly more cheerful expression. Rian smiled back and returned the gesture, both Gelfling let out a short laugh and Rian laid his head on Gurjins shoulder once more, gazing to the empty space ahead of him, now and then eyeing their still intertwined fingers that now rested on Gurjins lap. Again, they remained silent for a while. And to his suprise, Rian began yawning.
"Oh?", Gurjin aknowledged and turned to look at Rian, which forced him to raise his head off Gurjins shoulder. Rian only gave a fleeting smile.
"I think... I should lie down for a bit.",he admitted with a timid expression and Gurjin nodded in approval: "Probably, yes.", he said and attempted to get up when suddenly Rian held on to him.
Gurjin turned around in suprise as Rian continued to pull him back towards the bed, a fleeting look of anxiety crossed over his face. "Please stay.", Rian pleaded weakly, "I´d like you to.", the last words almost lost themselves in nothingness, so softly had he spoken them. The exhaustion of the past unum seemed to flood over Rian all at once like the ocean waves by the Sifan shore.
"Are you sure?", Gurjin asked hesitantly, after all they were still in the tent, anyone could walk in at any time. He didn´t know If Rian felt alright with being seen sleeping beside Gurjin. But then again, what did he care for the opinion of others.
Rian gave a slight nod and began shifting over the matress, shedding his shoes in the process and suggestively patted the space next to him, once he had settled himself on the side of the bed.
Gurjin exhaled, defeated and began to take off his own shoes aswell as the heavy leather apron he usually wore in his workshop. He crawled over to where Rian was lying and Rian heard the rustling of the sheets and felt a slight weight shift as Gurjin lay down next to him, facing towards Rian.
"You worried about the nightmares?", Gurjin asked quietly. He had a feeling that this was the reason the Stonewood had suggested for him to stay. Usually he would expect Rian to deny this, but now he was far too exhausted to lie to Gurjin. He simply gave his friend another nod and shifted a bit closer.
"Mabye when you´re here, things will work out.", he added in a low voice and closed his eyes. This made Gurjins heart flutter for a bit. He slowly moved his hand towards Rian and interwined their fingers once more.
"I´ll do my best then.", he whispered and the corners of Rians mouth twitched a bit into a smile, almost too faint to see, but only almost.
The three brothers continued to shine into their temporarily shared quarters but rather than their light disturbing the two from their slumber, it enveloped them in a gentle warmth.
Around them it smelled like dry grass and fresh cotton and Outside they could make out the faint chatter of the ongoings of the resistance.
Gurjin wasn´t sure whether Rian was still awake when he began to move again. All he knew was that after a while of lying face to face, he suddenly began inching closer towards Gurjin and then with one, If a bit clumsy, motion, the Stonewood pulled Gurjin towards him until Rians face buried itself into his neck.
This did take the Drenchen a bit by suprise but then Rians arms wrapped around Gurjins back enough so his entire body molded itself into the others and he didn´t mind anymore. Gurjin could feel Rians even breath against his skin and the rise and fall of his chest. It was a bit warm but he did not dare move now anymore. Too much did he enjoy the closeness of their bodies after a long time.
He enveloped Rian in his arms and gave the spot right above his ears a gentle peck. Rian winced for a bit but went back to silence soon after.
Sometimes he did feel him starting to shake in his sleep mabye even hear small gasps. But then, Gurjin would simply give Rian a slight squeeze and gently hum into the latters ear until the shaking would fade again. Gurjin wondered what would happen once he was awake again. After a while however, even he felt the gentle pull of slumber and he found it harder and harder to keep himself awake. The last thought that crossed his mind after he drifted off completely was that mabye Rian was right, "Mabye things woud work out.