Worth the wait

by xtinyteenyx

Summary:

After his night with Carlos, TK decided to try to fix what he felt was broken in him.

So, TK starts to talk in his therapy sessions. He wants to open up to his team, wants to open up, so he can allow others in. And, hopefully, fully give his heart to Carlos.

TK wants to find his happiness, and he's ready to work to make it happen.

Notes:

I've been writing this since I finished 'Finding his safe space' and it's been quiet the battle, I hope it deserves your attention, if you chose to read this. Enjoy.

“I’m ready to talk.” TK started, his voice trembling.

“I thought you had been talking.” Dr. Tenner replied, her eyebrow arched.

TK was well aware his therapist knew what he meant. Dr. Tenner had been telling him for months that he wasn’t going to be able to move on, if he wasn’t honest with himself; if he didn’t talk through his issues and the things that were holding him back.

TK had given her the general gist, when he first started coming to Dr. Tenner. He had told her about the drugs and his recent overdose. He spoke of Alex breaking his heart, and his dad moving them to Austin, but other than that there wasn’t much detail. TK had always spoken to Dr. Tenner as if nothing he was saying affected him. Like the stories he told happened to someone else, and he was just relaying information. TK had spent months listening to her tell him that he needed to trust that she was there to help him, that if he talked to her, she could help him rifle through his problems and then they could unravel it together. TK had months of the disappointed eyes, Dr. Tenner had tried to hide, but TK had always noticed, after every session of half-assed talking, or some days of just complete silence.

After TK’s night at Carlos’ a few days ago, he had decided he wanted to try. Wanted to make more of an effort to put himself back together. He couldn’t keep going through his life with fake smiles, and repressed emotions. TK had decided that night that he wanted to feel like the person Carlos saw. TK wanted to be the kind of man that deserved Carlos’ affection.

TK also knew, he needed to do better for himself.

After that night at Carlos’, TK had done a lot of thinking in his alone time. Rummaging through memories, and trying to recall the last time he had truly felt happy and at peace, and he couldn’t find it. He tried to think about his times with Alex, there had to have been moments of joy and overwhelming love, they had been in a relationship for years, but all he could remember was feeling unworthy and unhappy. TK had spent years with the man, and he couldn’t remember any time when he had felt the warmth, that he had felt, that night with Carlos.

Before Alex, all TK could recall was drugs and hook-ups, and almost all of those memories were things he’d like to forget, or had been too high to remember. He knew he hadn’t felt anything in that time period, had felt no kind of self-worth or happiness during that time.

Before that… TK was blank. He knew he had a good childhood. Owen was the best father a kid could have ever asked for. Accepting, proud, strong, caring, loving, etc., all the things you’d hope for in a father, Owen had. But when TK thought hard about it, his father was the only good, and constant thing in his life.

TK was ready for that to change. He was young, and had the rest of his life ahead of him, and he didn’t want to spend another day living in the dark, constantly feeling numb and seeing nothing but clouds. TK had gotten a glimpse at being in the light with Carlos, and he was ready to fight to stay there.

*

*

The day so far had been relatively quiet, they’d been on a few calls, but nothing too dire or exhausting; so, Owen decided to cook dinner for the team. It was late and they were all starving so the moment Owen called out it was ready; the team had come running. All grabbing plates and making their way to the table.

They ate mostly in silence, all too hungry to speak much, in favor of eating.

“Thanks for cooking Cap, Grace probably would’ve had my neck if she found out I ate another microwave dinner.” Judd stated, grabbing a second helping.

“Yeah Cap,” Mateo chimed in, “and these Sweet Potatoes are amazing.”

“My pleasure.” Owen replied with a smile, “A good, healthy meal is a great way for the body to replenish, and sweet potatoes are actually great for the skin, and can actually act as a kind of natural sunblock. Which, I figure, we could all use with this Texas sun.”

The team laughed at Owen’s random fact, no body surprised that he specifically chosen a food because of the benefits for his skin. They good naturedly joked about his obsession with skin care, and Owen vehemently started reciting other foods that were good for the skin, and how it was beneficial.

The topic only dropped once Mateo pointed out, “Dang Paul, that Josie girl is really blowing up your phone.”

“Aye!” Paul hurriedly turned over his phone, that had been casually sitting on the kitchen table between them.

“That girl from the strip club?” Marjan asked curiously, reaching across the table to try and grab Paul’s phone. Paul hurriedly grabbed it and placed it in his lap.

“Yeah, she came by the other day and brought him a brisket.” TK mentioned to the team, a smile on his face remembering how surprised and happy Paul had looked at the gift.

“A brisket?” Judd asked, “well damn man, when you gonna propose?”

“It’s not like that, okay?” Paul replied, “We’re just talking…”

“Why not ask her out?” Mateo asked, “she’s obviously waiting for you to ask.”

“It’s not that easy probie.” Paul sighed, rubbing his forehead in frustration.

“Sure, it is, if the guys are right, and she’s putting out the signals, then there’s no way she would say no.” Marjan encouraged with a smile.

“Look, guys. The first date isn’t the problem, it’s what comes after the first date.” Paul sighed out, the team all glanced around at each other, understanding why Paul was hesitant.

“Hey, you never know.” TK shrugged, “you said she’s really cool, and from what Mateo and I saw, she seemed like a really nice woman. Why not take the risk?”

“That’s easy for you to say Prince Charming.” Paul scoffed, “I bet you’ve never been rejected in your life.”

TK paused. His heart raced, and he made eye contact with his father. TK could tell them. He could share this bit of information, couldn’t he? Dr. Tenner had been helping him a lot. Talking him through how to start sharing with his team. These people, his team, his new-made family, they had all trusted him with their pasts, and their worst moments; TK needed to trust them with his.

The pause must have lasted too long, because Judd gave a huff of laughter, “Pretty boy can’t think of anything. Must be nice.”

“That’s not true.” TK spoke softly, looking down at his water, watching the precipitation droplets falling down the glass, as he reached up and played with his necklace.

“TK, you don-” Owen started, seeming to see the struggle TK had with getting out what he wanted to say.

“It was right before we moved here.” TK interrupted his father, knowing if he was given an out, he would take it. “His name was Alex, we dated for about 4½ years.”

The whole table was silent, TK glanced up and noticed the whole team waiting in rapt attention. This was the first time TK had ever offered any information about himself. They had been working together for a little over six months, and this was the first time they had seen TK like this. The only other time they saw this kind of emotion from him, was on a bad call, or if one of the team was in danger. Other than that, the team knew that TK kept everything under lock and key.

“I took him out to dinner and asked him to marry me.” TK went on, his heart was racing and he could barely hear anything over the rushing in his head. He took a breath before continuing, “He told me that he had been seeing someone else and was in love, and that he had only said yes to dinner to break-up with me.”

The room was silent. TK swore the only sound in the room was his own heart pounding, he was sure the rest of the team could hear it. His hands, that were on the table, were shaking.

“What a piece of shit.” Marjan said in disgust. TK looked up at her in shock. It was the first time he had heard such venom in her voice.

“I swear kid, that asshole better never find his way down to Austin.” Judd stated, his anger obvious. TK glanced over at him and saw how red his face was.

“Damn bro, I’m sorry that happened to you.” Mateo said softly, reaching out and touching one of TK’s shaking hands.

“I’m sorry I brought it up.” Paul apologized, “That’s rough man.”

“No, it’s fine. I didn’t bring it up to make you feel bad or make this about me.” TK rushed out, “I just wanted you to know, there’s no one rejection can’t touch, you know?”

“Agreed! Even I get rejected. I did have two wives you know?” Owen joked. TK looked over at his father and saw him looking back at TK, his smile wide, before turning his attention to Paul, “If you think that you could have something with this girl, then you should give it a go. Sure, you could be rejected, but you owe it to yourself to try.”

The team all shouted out their agreements, encouraging Paul to take the chance. After some gentle prodding, Paul decided that he would, and that it was on the team if it went horribly. The team spent the rest of the time throwing out places to take her, and what to wear, up until the blare of the alarm startled them.

The team raced to get their equipment and get in the truck. Right before TK got in, a hand stopped him. TK turned around and saw his father. He was smiling brightly at him.

“I’m proud of you son.” Owen said, and TK felt happiness rush through him at making his father proud. TK knew his father had been worried, thinking that TK would never become comfortable enough in Austin to open up to the team, or to get out of his dark place. Seeing that smile on his father’s face, and having the confirmation that the team cared about him, if their reaction was any indication, he knew that he was making progress. And he couldn’t be happier.

TK smiled back at his dad and pulled him in for a quick hug, before they got into the truck and were racing off on their call.

*

*

“I told my team about Alex.” TK started, at his session with Dr. Tenner, the next day.

TK saw the pleased look she gave him, and couldn’t help but feel proud.

“And it went okay?” Dr. Tenner asked, taping her pen against the arm of the couch.

“It did.” TK replied, “They were actually pretty pissed on my behalf… but there was no pity from them. I was so scared that telling them would make me feel weak, but if anything, it just made me feel close to them.”

“Have they treated you any differently since then?” Dr. Tenner questioned. TK had told her that he was worried, once he told them, they would treat him like he was pathetic. They would see that he wasn’t worth caring for, if the person that was supposed to love him, couldn’t, then the team would realize that there must be a reason for that.

“No.” TK replied, “Judd even came up to me after our shift that day and thanked me for sharing. He told me he saw me as a little brother, and he knew that I was hiding things, and he was glad I felt comfortable enough to open up to them.”

TK remembered feeling happy in that moment. Hearing Judd tell him that he was like a little brother to him, letting him know that he’d always have his back, even if it was to, ‘beat up the piece of shit-twerp that was obviously a damn fool’. Judd had even joked that it had taken TK long enough, before pulling him into a quick hug.

“Did you tell them about the addiction?” Dr. Tenner asked, knowing that that was the confession he was most terrified of admitting to them.

“No.” TK whispered.

“And that’s fine TK. This isn’t supposed to happen in a day.” Dr. Tenner reassured him, “Baby steps.”

“Baby steps.” TK agreed, with a smile.

*

*

“I need your help.” TK stated, the moment Carlos answered his cell phone.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Carlos questioned, the obvious worry and care radiating through the phone.

“Wha-.. Yeah, I’m fine.” TK responded as he plopped down on the couch in his living room. He had just gotten home from his shift, and he hadn’t been able to think about anything other than Paul’s face, as he walked away from Josie earlier that day, looking dejected.

“Oh, okay, good.” Carlos sighed, “It’s just, this is the first time you’ve called, and we haven’t really gotten the chance to talk much since you were over.”

TK’s heart melted at hearing Carlos admit he was worried about him, “It’s okay. I understand. And I really appreciate you caring.”

“Always, Tyler.” TK shivered, hearing the soft tone Carlos used.

“Carlos.” He scolded. TK wished Carlos’ wasn’t so observant, then he wouldn’t have realized just how much TK liked Carlos using his name. TK had always hated the use of his name, his mother had been the only one to call him by it since he was young, and it felt wrong coming from anyone else. Alex had tried to use it once, and it was probably one of the biggest arguments they’d ever had. TK had immediately gotten angry with Alex saying it, and Alex became furious that TK had been mad about it, and … it was just a mess. Yet, hearing his name come from Carlos felt like curling up with a warm blanket after having been cold all day, while, somehow, simultaneously, feeling uncontrollable desire for Carlos to say his name while stripping TK naked.

Carlos laughed before asking, “So, what do you need my help with?”

So, TK told him about Paul and how he had looked after being rejected, and TK just wanted to do something for him, to help get him out of his head. If Paul was anything like TK, he was probably going over that conversation over, and over again. Reliving his rejection on a loop, not able to get it out of his head. TK wanted to do something for Paul, wanting to place a good memory over today for him.

“I mean, I know this really great club you could take him too.” Carlos mentioned cautiously. “It’s a good place to have fun and get your mind off things.”

“Why do you sound so unsure about your suggestion?”

“Well it’s just… So, like I said the club is great, and Paul could meet a lot of great people there. It’s very accepting of everything under the sun, and they have the best DJ in Austin… it’s just that…”

“Carlos, out with it.” TK insisted. He knew Carlos was beating around what he wanted to say, probably scared that TK would take it in the wrong way.

“Okay, sorry.” Carlos sighed, “It’s just the last time I saw you, you were having a rough time just being in a bar surrounded by your team drinking. And this club crowd is 85% drunks and usually, 15% people high on something.”

“Oh.”

“And I don’t mean to say that you wouldn’t be able to handle it or anything, but I wanted to warn you.” Carlos assured. And TK knew that. He knew that Carlos was warning him before he went there with Paul and happened to see people taking substances.

“Well then there’s an easy solution for that.” TK replied, his tone almost nervous.

“What’s that?”

“You should come with us.” TK suggested, trying to sound calm, and collected, while his heart was beating out of his chest at asking Carlos to join them. TK was scared about being rejected, but more than that, he was worried that if it was just him and Paul, TK would panic. He hadn’t been to a club since back in New York, and he didn’t have many good experiences being in that atmosphere.

“Yes!” Carlos replied immediately, before clearing his throat, “Yeah, I can come, I know the bouncer so we won’t even have to wait in line.”

TK smiled, knowing that Carlos was jumping at the opportunity to go to the club with him. The smooth way he followed up his immediate reply, didn’t fool TK.

“You excited to dance with me?” TK flirted, the words coming out before he could stop them. He face-palmed. They weren’t supposed to do that. They were just being friends for now. They weren’t ready for more, TK wasn’t ready for me. And being flirty wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want Carlos to think he was being some kind of tease.

“Definitely.” Carlos’ rough voice replied over the phone, “But I’ll probably be more focused on keeping all the other guys hands off you.”

TK felt his cheeks heat at that. At hearing the almost protective undertone in his voice, like just the idea of another man’s hands on TK had bothered him. It was also something he wasn’t used too. With Alex, he had only been jealous because guys weren’t paying attention to him. Alex would get so angry if a hot guy was giving TK their attention, instead of Alex.

“Are you free tonight?” TK changed the subject. “Paul picked up some hours at the station, he said he wanted to keep busy. He gets done at 10.”

“Yeah, I had the morning shift and the day off tomorrow. So that’s good with me.” Carlos replied, TK could hear the smile in his voice. “I can pick you up, and then we can swing around the station to surprise Paul.”

They cleared up the details, TK had told Carlos he could drive, as it’s not like TK would be drinking. Which Carlos replied that he wouldn’t be either, TK was worried that Carlos thought TK would be mad if he drank. Carlos quickly assured him that it wasn’t like that, he just didn’t need to drink to have a good time, and then of course dropped the line of, “Besides, I don’t need alcohol, I can get drunk off you.” TK laughed at the flirty joke. TK also felt his heart warm at knowing that Carlos was staying sober so he could be present with TK.

Alex had never cared about staying sober when he was out with TK. He always used TK’s sobriety as an excuse to get black-out drunk. Alex had also used alcohol as an excuse if he flirted, or danced a little too close to another guy. He had always said that TK should know how little control you have when your drunk/high.

After they cleared up the details, they said their goodbyes and TK ended the call with a smile. Not only would he be able to help Paul, at least TK hoped this would help Paul, but he also was going to get to see Carlos. His father was still the only one that knew just how well TK knew Carlos, and TK was partially upset that he had to share him with another person, but he couldn’t refuse seeing him.

TK was nervous that Paul would be able to see right through him. Paul saw everything. He read people constantly and he was the best at what he did. He just hoped Paul didn’t ask. He wasn’t ready to talk about it. He hadn’t even spoken to Dr. Tenner about Carlos yet. Sure, he mentioned Carlos in his sessions, but never by name, just stating that he was a friend. He hadn’t told anyone how special Carlos was to him.

How he felt about Carlos, and coming to terms with it was still something he was keeping close to his heart. The team knowing about Carlos being a friend was one thing, having the team know just how special he was to TK? No. He wasn’t ready for that yet, and probably wouldn’t be for a while. TK needed to keep that close to his heart. He has to work out his feelings for himself, then when he was ready, he would share that with Carlos. Only after Carlos and TK were in a comfortable and good place, would TK be comfortable with others knowing.

 

“He should be out any second.” TK stated, leaning against Carlos’ stupidly sexy car. Carlos was leaning against the car too, standing close enough to TK to feel the heat from his body. Carlos nodded his head in acknowledgment, and smiled over at TK.

TK realized this was probably a dangerous idea. Carlos was so close. Still beautiful. Still perfect. TK couldn’t help that his eyes traveled down to Carlos’ lips.

“Nu-uh, eyes up here, Tiger.” Carlos smirked. TK felt his cheeks heat in embarrassment before turning his head back to the station door. TK was embarrassed at being caught. He really wanted this to go slow, glacier slow. TK needed to do this right with Carlos. He needed to be in the right head space and prepared to give Carlos his whole heart.

“Sorry.”

“No, you don’t have to apologize. It’s just that, we agreed nothing but friendship until you decided you were ready, if you ever become ready. And… well…” TK looked back over to Carlos and noticed a light blush dusting his cheeks. “I can’t say it’s all that easy for me to hold back from kissing you, when you look at me like that, Tyler.”

TK swallowed hard, heart racing, at not only the confession, but the heat lacing Carlos’ words. Attraction to each other was in no way a problem. Obviously.

“Okay.” TK cleared his throat and straightened up a little from his perch on the car, so he wasn’t leaning directly into Carlos. “Also, please don’t use my name in front of Paul?”

“Oh, don’t you worry about that, Tyler Kennedy.” Carlos smirked, “I like knowing that, other than your father, I’m the only one who knows your name.” TK nudged Carlos in the shoulder, getting ready to retort when he noticed Paul walk out of the station.

“Paul!” TK spoke loud enough for Paul to notice them. Paul looked over at them in surprise.

“Hey guys.” Paul walked closer to them, an eyebrow raised in question.

“Paul, you’ve met Officer Reyes?”

“Carlos.” Carlos amended, reaching out his hand.

“Only in the field,” Paul responded shaking Carlos’ hand, “good to meet you while not racing around on a call.”

“Likewise.” Carlos smiled.

“So, what are you guys doing here?” Paul questioned, looking between the two. TK watched Paul take them in, seeing how they were standing, subconsciously leaning into each other, the blush on TK’s face, the look in Carlos’ eyes when he glanced in TK’s direction.

Yeah. Paul knew something was going on, or going to be going on.

“We,” TK pointed between him and Carlos, “are taking you out. And don’t worry, it will be a lot of fun and you will not regret it.”

Paul thought about rejecting TK. Thought about how he could go home to sit alone in his own misery. But this was TK. TK, who he had known for over six months and had only just recently learned something personal about. TK, who had always seemed so closed off and fragile, yet in this moment, Paul saw the soft and open look in his eyes. Paul couldn’t reject the kid, not when he was looking at him with those big, hopeful eyes.

“Fine.” Paul agreed with a shake of his head, “as long as we don’t wind up in a bowling alley.”

“Not even close.” Carlos assured, as they all hoped into the car.

 

Carlos definitely knew the bouncer, if the bouncer seeing him and immediately straightening his stance with a, “Officer Reyes, how can I help you tonight?” was any indication.

TK and Paul shared a smile at seeing the cautious look in the bouncer’s eyes, as if it wasn’t uncommon for ‘Officer Reyes’ showing up to this club.

“Just Carlos tonight Ed, don’t worry.” Carlos smiled, patting him on the shoulder. Ed relaxed with a smile and a nod, before pushing open the door for them to enter.

They walked into the club and were immediately assaulted with the deafening song pounding through the speakers. TK glanced around and felt apprehensive, instantly glad that Carlos had warned him beforehand and that he had accepted the invitation to tag along. The last time he had been in a club like this was with Alex, and that night had ended with TK having a panic attack in the alleyway, and a drunken-annoyed Alex yelling about TK ruining his night.

TK reached out to Carlos in question, needing someone close. TK saw Carlos’ eyes go soft, and sped up his steps to pull TK close to him with a smile.

“This is not what I was expecting when you guys invited me out tonight.” Paul shouted at them over the music. TK was happy that Paul seemed excited about the turn of events, as he eagerly took in his surroundings. TK put his focus on that, on the look of excitement on Paul’s face, and the comforting weight of Carlos’ arm around him.

Carlos placed his other arm around Paul’s shoulder, “What better way to forget your troubles, then dancing with other beautiful people.”

They made their way to the bar, and ordered some drinks, a beer for Paul, and water for Carlos and TK. They spent time packed into a corner of the bar, just chatting over the music, taking their time with the night. And TK couldn’t deny that Carlos’ constant contact wasn’t a highlight. He kept his arm tight around TK’s midsection, making sure he was close and comfortable.

Once again TK couldn’t help but see the differences between Carlos and Alex. Had he been at a club with Alex, TK would be anxiously sitting in a both, with a couple of Alex’s friends doing shots surrounding him, while Alex was on the dance floor grinding up on anyone that came close. Carlos didn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave him, and it had TK’s heart warming in his chest.

Noticing these things about the two men, and comparing them, was part of the reason why TK knew he wasn’t ready to be with Carlos. TK didn’t want to constantly hold Carlos on a pedestal just because he was a decent human being. Sure, it had taken Carlos’ attention to TK, for him to notice just how toxic Alex was for him and TK should’ve broken it off with him a year into their relationship. But constantly putting Carlos into this perfect place, wouldn’t help in the long run.

TK knew what could happen, trying to keep up with someone’s expectation of them. TK didn’t want Carlos to think that he couldn’t be human with him. Human emotion and relationships weren’t always perfect, they were messy and passionate, and that’s what TK wanted with Carlos. Not a picture-perfect relationship that was built on high expectations. He wanted to see Carlos’ flaws, and for Carlos to see his, and for them to want to be with each other, despite those things.

TK also wanted to be in a place where Alex was nothing but a passing thought; if that. He didn’t want to constantly think about what had been awful about Alex, whenever Carlos did something that warmed TK to his core. He wanted for Carlos’ acts of kindness and affection, to not be tainted with memories of Alex. TK knew that would take time.

“What’s got you so deep in thought?” TK was pulled from his mussing with Carlos’ voice in his ear. TK looked up, surprised to see Paul had vanished and it was just the two of them.

“Not a conversation for an overly loud club.” TK shrugged, knowing Carlos wouldn’t push it. “Where’d Paul get to?”

“Well,” Carlos turned towards the dance floor, “at the moment, he’s over there dancing with the pretty blonde.” TK followed where Carlos’ was looking and saw Paul dancing closely with a gorgeous woman in a tight dress, and heels. Paul noticed them, and gave a smile and a wink. TK huffed in a laugh, and smiled back. He was so glad he was able to help Paul, even if it was in this small way.

“Hey, I have to run to the bathroom. Will you be okay?” Carlos asked, searching for honest confirmation from TK.

TK smiled, and pat Carlos on the cheek, “I’ll be fine, Carlos. And I’ll be waiting right here for you to come back.” Carlos raised an eyebrow, a smirk pulling on his face.

“Right here?”

“Right here.” TK repeated, gripping the bottom of the bar stool, as if to prove that he wouldn’t move.

“Okay Tiger, I’ll be right back.” Carlos touched his shoulder with a wink, before turning into the crowd. TK watched until he was lost in the mass of people. TK turned back to the bar, facing away from the crowd of grinding bodies, nodding his head in tune with the music. TK was so happy to be having a good time, it had been awhile since he had been able to go to a club and not wind up uncomfortable and panicking.

Which, of course, is when he felt a body sliding up to his, making sure that TK knew they were there by nudging his shoulder with theirs.

“I thought he’d never leave.” The man said, nodding his head back the way Carlos had walked, “A pretty boy like you deserves way more attention than what he was giving. Let me buy you a drink.”

The man was tall and bulky, his arms obviously flexing though his shirt when he saw TK looking. He had long light-colored hair, pulled back into a bun and a cocky smile.

“No, I’m good.” TK declined picking up his water showing he had his own drink. He didn’t bother to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

“Aw, don’t be like that sweetheart.” The man turned his body, so that his front was against TK’s side, “It’s just one drink.”

“And like I said, no.” TK repeated, attempting to inch himself, away from this man. Not that he could get far while sitting on a barstool. This guy was obviously not used to being rejected.

“Oh, I get it. You want to play hard to get.”

“No, I’m just not interested.” TK turned a glare on the man, eager for the man to leave. He wasn’t new to guys not knowing how to take a hint. New York clubs, bars, and hell, even random people on the street, were filled with guys like this.

“I don’t know why you wouldn’t be.” The man said, putting his hand on TK’s lower back, TK went stiff at being touched by this stranger, feeling his hand move lower towards his ass, “I’m obviously better looking than the dude that was here before, and I bet I could make you moan so pretty while you rode m-”

And then the man was gone. His hand from TK’s ass, his presence from next to him, he turned to see Carlos. It seemed he pulled the man from TK and had forced him back, putting Carlos between the man and him. TK saw how tense Carlos’ shoulders were, his fists clenched by his sides.

“He said no.” Carlos growled out, “That means, go the fuck away.” TK had never seen Carlos like this. He had seen him while in cop mode. Carlos had a presence when he was in that uniform. He demanded the attention of the room, but was always in control, even in the tensest of situation, in the field. TK had never seen Carlos anything but calm and controlled.

“Oh, back off man.” Man-bun rolled his eyes, righting his shirt from where Carlos had pulled it. “Look at him, with a face like that, he’s begging for it.” TK rolled his eyes. He knew what he looked like, he was graced with his father’s genes, and he had been able to use that to his advantage quite a few times. So, guys making those kinds of comments, TK had gotten used to. Not that he should’ve had to, of course. But TK knew these kinds of guys, there were probably way more in New York then there were in Austin. And sure, sometimes these guys went too far with what they said, always becoming nastier when they were rejected, but this was nothing compared to things that had been said to him in the past.

“Listen you piece of shit,” Carlos started, advancing on the man. TK could see, by the way Carlos was holding himself, and even the slight hint of fear in the other man’s eyes, that Carlos was ready to take this man on, with more than just his words.

TK jumped up and got in front of Carlos, startled by the fire in his eyes, “Hey, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, he has no right to talk to you that way.” Carlos replied, his fierce gaze still on the other man, his body unyielding and ready to fight, “He shouldn’t have put his hands on you.”

TK couldn’t help but feel his heart speed up. Carlos was fuming, not at TK, but at this man who thought he could put his hands on TK, at this man who thought he could speak to TK in such an offensive way. TK couldn’t help but feel a small trill of excitement at the thought of someone caring enough about him to come to his defense. And as hot as it would probably be to watch Carlos punch this guy, TK knew that he couldn’t let him do that, not for him.

“No, he shouldn’t have.” TK replied, his tone firm, making sure Carlos could hear him over the music. “But I’m okay. Let’s just go dance.” TK reached out and touched one of his hands, Carlos’ fist automatically going soft at TK’s touch, opening up to hold his. Though, TK noticed, his other hand was still clenched tight.

“TK,” Carlos huffed, sounding annoyed that TK was trying to calm him down from his anger. The fire in his eyes still blazing, and not turning his gaze away from the man.

“Come on, honey.” TK pulled Carlos’ hand, pulling him towards the dance floor, making sure he kept them a good distance away from the man. Carlos seemed to startle slightly, finally looking over to TK as he led him through moving bodies. It was the first time TK had called him anything other than his name, and hearing TK call him ‘honey’, as silly as it sounded, had Carlos’ heart beating hard in his chest. It pushed past some of the anger he felt, the anger at seeing that man’s hand on TK’s ass, and the way TK had seemed to be radiating uneasiness.

TK pulled them to a stop, seeing they were close by where Paul was dancing, turning to face Carlos, “You okay?”

Carlos startled, “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

TK shrugged, taking Carlos’ other hand in his, and pulling them a little closer together, pulling on his arms in movement, in some semblance of dancing.

“I could’ve taken care of that myself, you know. I’m more then capable of telling off an asshole that doesn’t know what, ‘go away’ means.” TK scolded lightly, “I’m more focused on you, I’ve just never seen you that angry.”

Carlos sighed, pulling TK closer and putting his forehead to TK’s exposed collarbone. Like he was using TK as an anchor to pull himself back to the calm that he had been before seeing TK being cornered. They spent a little while like that, their bodies moving slowly to the music, their linked hands, and Carlos’ head on TK, the only hint of contact between them.

“I’m sorry, Tyler. I just-” Carlos started when he lifted his head to meet TK’s eyes, but TK quickly interrupted with, “We’ll talk later. Right now, we’re supposed to be having fun. So, let’s have fun.”

Carlos paused, looking at TK and wondering if he should push it. He needed to apologize to TK, for causing such a scene. Carlos knew he had some issues when he got angry. He was always seen as a calm presence, always able to keep a clear head. Carlos was always in control of himself, until it came to the people he cared for. TK had just got a front row seat to that, and Carlos was worried that TK seeing him that way, looking like a possessive boyfriend, would have him running for the hills. That TK would see this as Carlos thinking he couldn’t take care of himself. But as he looked into TK’s eyes, searching for any hint of annoyance, or being alarmed by seeing Carlos angry, wasn’t there. Just the promise of a talk later.

Carlos nodded, “Let’s join Paul, shall we?”

TK looked at him in confusion, wondering why they couldn’t stay where they were, to dance together. Carlos laughed at TK’s confused look, the last bits of anger leaving his body at the adorable look on TK’s beautiful face, “I can’t promise dancing with you would stay PG.” Carlos explained.

TK’s heart raced at the implication. Of Carlos admitting that it wouldn’t be a good idea to dance by themselves, as it would almost definitely turn into something more. They were already too close, being pushed together by the surrounding bodies.

“Okay.” TK agreed, because as much as TK wanted that. Wanted to dance close, and dirty with this man, he needed to keep his promise to himself. And he knew, just as Carlos did, that he wouldn’t have much self-control if he got Carlos’ body close like that.

They found their way to Paul, and spent the rest of their night dancing together. The incident with the man at the bar completely forgotten, as they danced, and laughed, only leaving the dance floor for a quick glass of water to cool down. The rest of the night spent together, enjoying each other’s company and forgetting everything that was outside of the club.

 

They had just dropped Paul at his house, TK promising to pick him up tomorrow for work, as his truck was still at the firehouse, and Paul thanking them for such a good time. The car was silent, just the quiet beat of the music filling the car. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Just TK and Carlos enjoying the air coming through the windows, cooling their still heated skin.

It didn’t take very long at all to reach TK’s house. Paul only living a few blocks away. When Carlos pulled his car into the driveway, he turned off the car, took off his seatbelt, and turned his body towards TK. TK lifted an eyebrow in question before following his lead by taking his own seatbelt off and turning towards Carlos.

“I’m sorry I lost control like that.” Carlos started, obviously embarrassed at his show of anger, “I know I probably came off as some kind of domineering boyfriend, and I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable in anyway.”

“You didn’t.” TK assured him, placing an open palm on the divider between them. Carlos paused, before reaching out and placing his hand in TK’s. “I wasn’t uncomfortable, or angry at you. Though I would like to point out, that while I appreciate your defending of my honor, I could’ve handled it myself.”

“Trust me Tiger, I know. I remember your bar fight. Two against one, and you were the one with the least amount of injuries.” Carlos smiled, squeezing TK’s hand.

“As long as we’re clear that I don’t need you to fight battles for me. I have my issues, but I’m not a porcelain doll.” TK stated, hoping that’s not how Carlos saw him. As a fragile piece of glass, that needed to be protected.

“I know you’re not.” Carlos assured him.

“It’s just that your always so composed, and in control. I have never seen you lose it like that, and I’ve been on calls with you where even I was seething in anger, and you were able to keep a calm head.”

“I just… I can’t help it when it’s people I care about.” Carlos’ voice was soft, “Seeing someone I care abo... I jus-… I kind of lost it, and I didn’t mean too. I haven’t lost it like that in a while, but I knew you being in the club already had you on edge, and seeing that guy in your space, touching you and speaking about you like that, I just got so mad.”

“I’m not upset at you for being human Carlos.” TK said before letting out a soft laugh, looking up at Carlos through his lashes, “Is it bad that I actually feel slightly relived?”

“Wha- Relieved?”

“Yeah… it’s just you have been so perfect since I met you. You have been there for me, comforted me, listened to me, and in general you’ve just had this air of perfection surrounding you. And I know no-one’s perfect, but you had been getting really close to me believing you were created in a lab with an extra splash of ‘perfect potion’.” TK joked.

“I’m far from perfect, Tyler.”

“I should’ve realized that when you started using my name against me.” TK laughed.

“I can’t help it,” Carlos chuckled, “every time I use it, you get this soft, pleased look on your face and your cheeks get all red. Why wouldn’t I use it whenever I can.”

TK couldn’t remember the last time he had a night like this. Even with the slight confrontation at the club, this had been one of the best nights he had, had in a while. Being able to enjoy his night out, with Carlos and Paul, and being able to dance and just genuinely have a good time, it was amazing. And talking with Carlos now, feeling how happy he felt, at Carlos admitting he used his name because of how much he liked his reaction, he hadn’t felt this free in a while.

“Okay, and I need to go before you decide to flirt anymore.” TK teased. “Thank you for tonight, Carlos.”

“You’re welcome. And you know, if you needed ammunition against me for when I call you Tyler… I wasn’t completely un-affected when you called me honey in the club.” Carlos admitted, almost shy in his admission. TK felt his heart melt at the obvious hint Carlos was giving.

TK leaned across the divider and gave Carlos a light kiss on the cheek. “I’ll remember that.”

“Please do.” Carlos retorted, his voice rough just from that light kiss. TK smiled once more, and Carlos heart sped up in his chest at just how beautiful TK looked in that moment.

TK got out of the car and went to shut the door, before peaking back into the car and saying, teasingly, “I’ll talk to you later, honey.”

Being around Carlos was like seeing a light at the end of a long and dark tunnel. TK’s simple act of calling Carlos, ‘honey’ and seeing the smile it put on Carlos’ face, was like being in that tunnel, but the light had gotten brighter, like he was about to free himself from that dark place, and finally be back in the light.

*

*

“I went to a club the other night.” TK started at his next session with Dr. Tenner. “Paul, had been rejected by a girl he really liked, and I wanted to take him out and help him forget. So, I called a friend of mine, who knew places to go in Austin, and he recommended a club he knew.”

“And were you okay with going to the club?” Dr. Tenner asked, knowing about some of TK’s previous experiences in club atmospheres.

“Well my friend warned me beforehand about the place, so I was definitely nervous about going. But I asked him to come with us, and it was actually the most fun I’d had in a really long time.”

“This friend,” Dr. Tenner spoke up, her tone causing TK to squirm, “you said he warned you beforehand… does that mean he knows about your addiction? Or your overdose?”

“He, uh,” TK fidgeted with his hands, “he is aware I used to use, and that before I came to Austin, I relapsed… but he doesn’t know about the overdose.”

“It would seem that, from what you’ve told me before, this friend is the only one who knows that information about you.” Dr. Tenner stated, writing a few notes before looking back up at him.

“I… I, umm…” TK stumbled over his words, “I’m not ready to talk about him.”

“That’s okay TK,” she assured him with a smile, making another note, “Let’s go back to the club.”

TK quickly started talking, glad they had moved away from Carlos, “I told you about some of my times in clubs in the past, and I was so scared that I was going to panic, and ruin the night. Or maybe even be tempted, but having Paul and my friend there… it just felt simple. Like I could just be with them, in that atmosphere, and enjoy myself. I hadn’t felt like that in a long time.”

“I’m glad you were able to get to that place, TK.” Dr. Tenner smiled genuinely, and TK returned it.

*

*

It had been almost a month since their night at the club. Paul had been in a particularly good mood since, apparently haven got a woman’s number at the club, and had gone on a couple dates since. It brightened TK’s mood considerably, seeing Paul find someone who accepted him and liked him for who he was.

TK hadn’t gotten the chance to see Carlos since then, other than passing glances and quick hello’s, when finding themselves at the same emergency scene. They had been keeping up a steady text conversation throughout that time, but their days hadn’t matched up in a way where they could get together to see each other. TK wasn’t ashamed to admit he missed Carlos. TK also couldn’t help but notice their last week of texting had seemed different, in a way. Like something was going on with Carlos, but he didn’t want TK to know.

TK also realized, while at the sight of a collision on the highway, that he hadn’t seen Carlos at a scene in almost a week, maybe longer. Not that Carlos and TK were always called to the same place, but it was pretty uncommon to not come across each other at all. TK took another quick glance around at the officers in uniform, making sure TK hadn’t missed Carlos in the chaos of the scene.

“Whatcha looking for, kid?” Judd asked, noticing TK’s searching gaze.

“Huh?” TK turned his head to look at Judd, “Nothing, just thought I saw somebody.” TK lied, turning back to the firetruck and hopping in. He knew that his response to Judd had seemed suspicious, but TK wasn’t focused on that at the moment. Just curious, and slightly worried, about Carlos.

TK spent the rest of the drive back to the station nervous, he sent Carlos a quick text, seeing how he was, but Carlos didn’t answer. TK couldn’t worry about no answer though, because for all he knew, Carlos was at work on a different scene, or maybe he had gotten off a shift and was sleeping. But TK’s head wouldn’t stop spinning, he felt like something was going on and he could only think of one person to get a straight answer from.

When they returned to the firehouse, he helped the team put away the gear before cleaning himself up, and searching for Michelle. TK knew Carlos told her about him, not details about his personal life, but enough to know that TK and Carlos were… something. TK hadn’t been mad about it. While TK had his precautions about telling others about Carlos, he couldn’t be mad at Carlos for wanting someone to talk to about him.

TK found Michelle sitting in her office, working on some paperwork at her desk. TK took a breath to steady himself, hoping Michelle couldn’t see how nervous he was. TK knocked gently at the door and smiled at Michelle when she looked up at him.

“TK,” She smiled, “Not every day I get a visit from the younger Strand. What can I help you with?”

“I just… I know that you and Carlos are really good friends, and I just wanted to see how he was really doing?” TK asked, as he walked a little further into her office.

“Oh, he finally told you, I told him he should, but he was so concerned about upsetting you.” Michelle shook her head, looking back at her paperwork. “He’s okay. His ribs are still pretty bad, but his stitches aren’t bothering him anymore. I think he’s more annoyed at being cooped up at home, but it serves him right for doing such a foolish thing. Going into a building, with no back-up, knowing a deranged psychopath with a weapon was inside.” Michelle was obviously upset with Carlos, not at him being hurt, but for putting himself into a dangerous situation. Michelle apparently thought, with the way TK worded his question, that he knew what had happened to Carlos.

TK felt sick. Carlos was hurt. Carlos wasn’t okay.

Carlos was hurt and he hadn’t told TK.

How hurt was he? Why didn’t he tell him?

TK couldn’t breathe, he felt his hands shaking and his body starting to tremble. It went silent, he couldn’t hear anything but the sound of his own racing heart.

TK felt hands on him, and he panicked, backing up and frantically pushing the hands away.

“N-no. I-I… he can-” TK couldn’t get his words out, everything felt so jumbled, and he couldn’t see. His vision blurred by tears. He couldn’t focus.

Carlos was hurt.

“-K, buddy it’s me.” TK felt a hand taking his and placing it onto a chest. “Breath with me, son.” TK felt the chest under his hand rising and falling, in exaggeration, trying to get TK to match their breathing. Through his haze, TK knew it was his father, his father’s soothing voice breaking through his panic.

TK reached out his other hand, gripping Owen’s shirt tight in his hand. “That’s right, kiddo. It’s me, it’s dad.” TK heard his father’s voice getting louder, “In and out, slow breaths. You can do it. Everything’s okay. In and out, son.”

TK didn’t know how long it took, a couple seconds, a couple minutes, but TK stayed in that spot. One hand on his father’s chest, moving with each of Owen’s breath’s, the other gripping his shirt, tightly in a fist. Slowly trying to match his breathing to his fathers, willing his heart rate to slow, and his body to stop shaking.

“There you go, that’s good TK.” Owen spoke softly, his hand, that wasn’t holding TK’s own, reaching up to wipe the tears off his son’s face. Once Owen noticed that TK was breathing better, his tears slowing, he pulled TK close to him, wrapping his arms around his son. TK let himself be pulled close, putting his arms tightly around his father’s midsection.

“I’m so sorry, this was all my fault.” TK heard Michelle apologize, “I thought he knew that Carlos had gotten hurt on the job.”

“It’s okay Michele, you didn’t know.” Owen assured her over TK’s head. “Can you do me a favor and go assure my team that TK’s okay?”

“Of course.” Michelle replied.

They stayed like that, Owen hugging his son close until he felt okay enough to move. Knowing his son needed the comfort of arms around him, until he completely got his breath back, and his heart rate calmed. It took a good amount of time before TK pulled away, mumbling apologies.

“Hey, none of that.” Owen said, wiping at the tears on his son’s face, “I understand. I know Carlos is special to you, and knowing he’s hurt is scary.”

“I don’t even know how bad it is.”

“Wait here a moment, okay?” Owen asked, moving TK to sit in one of the chairs in Michelle’s office. TK could do nothing but comply, “I’ll be right back, I promise.”

TK was confused as to why his father was leaving him, but his mind was still racing with things that could’ve happened. How bad Carlos could be hurt. Michelle said something about Carlos’ ribs and stitches? Just how bad were his ribs? Bruised? Maybe fractured or broken? And why did Carlos need stitches? Was he stabbed? Maybe shot?

“TK, Paul is going to drive you to Carlos’, okay? He’s done his shift, and your just about done anyway, and I know you’re not going to be able to focus until you see him, so don’t try and argue, okay.” Owen stated firmly as he returned. Paul was standing by the door with his father, dressed in his own clothes and holding his backpack, along with TK’s bag.

All TK could do was nod, his dad was right. He wasn’t going to be able to relax until he saw for himself, that Carlos was okay. TK got up and gave his dad a tight hug, and thanked him, before trailing after Paul to his truck, wiping at his face, knowing he looked a mess. TK ignored the concerned glances of the rest of the team, knowing his dad would let them know he was okay.

The car ride was quiet, the only sound coming from TK, when he had to give a direction to Carlos’ house. Paul wanted to ask, wanted to make sure TK was okay, and wanted to ask what happened, but he knew he couldn’t. He knew TK. Paul knew asking questions would just push him farther into his head. TK had to be ready to give up information, and now wasn’t that time. Paul knew something was going on between the two men, something more than just being friends, as TK claimed. Paul knew that it had taken a lot for TK to allow him to see Carlos and him interact together, which is why Paul didn’t mention Carlos again. He didn’t bring it up in front of the others, and he didn’t ask questions about their relationship, knowing that TK had trusted him with seeing them together, even if it was just in a friendly way, and Paul wasn’t going to break that trust.

When they pulled up to Carlos’, TK said a quick, “Thank you” before jumping out of the truck, bag over his shoulder and racing to the house. TK wasted no time, and starting knocking hurriedly on Carlos’ door the moment he reached it. It took a few minutes before Carlos opened the doors, eyes bleary from sleep and annoyance at the constant knocking. TK was quick to look for obvious injuries the moment Carlos came into view.

Carlos was only dressed in boxers and a soft looking t-shirt, so most of his skin was on display. The first thing TK noticed was the split lip, and the nasty bruise on Carlos’ forehead, TK’s heart was pounding as his eyes moved down, searching for more injuries. There were several cuts and a few small bruises covering his forearms, TK also noticed bruised knuckles. Moving his gaze further down TK saw a nasty looking bruise on one of his shins, along with a few smaller ones.

TK’s eyes made their way back to Carlos’ face, which was now looking at him in shock and confusion, having not expected TK to show up at his doorstep.

“TK, wha-”

Carlos didn’t get to finish before TK pushed his way into Carlos’ house, tossing his bag next to the door before turning back around to Carlos, watching him shut the door.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” TK asked, his voice soft and wavering as he walked closer to Carlos, his hands reaching out for Carlos’ arms. From what Michelle mentioned, he knew there had to be more injuries.

“Who told you?” Carlos asked, instead of answering TK’s question. Carlos saw the obvious distress on TK’s face, the flushed skin, the bright red eyes from crying, the slight shaking. Carlos hadn’t wanted to put this on TK, he had enough to worry about. He was just getting to a good place, he was opening up to his team, his dads’ treatments were going well, as was TK’s own sobriety and therapy sessions. Carlos didn’t want to wreck the progress TK had been making by having him stressing out about Carlos.

“Michelle, she thought I knew.” TK snapped back, taking his hands from Carlos’ arms, and bringing them to the hem of Carlos’ shirt and pulling it up just the slightest bit, “Take this off.”

“T-”

“Carlos, please.” TK pleaded, looking into Carlos’ eyes, and Carlos’ heart broke at the look TK was giving him. His eyes were shinning with new tears, and they were desperately pleading with Carlos to let him see. Needing to see. Carlos nodded, before slowly raising his arms, trying to hide the wince at the pain that shot through his ribs at the small movement, and the slight pull of his stitches.

TK pulled off the shirt and tossed it away, not caring where it went, as he looked at Carlos. TK's breath hitched at the large, dark bruise covering most of Carlos’ left side over his ribs. TK reached a hand out and put it on the skin of his hip, just beneath the beginning of the bruise.

“Bruised ribs?” TK asked, needing to make sure it wasn’t worse.

“Yes.” Carlos replied, his voice soft. TK nodded before moving on, his hands going back to Carlos’ arms and slowly sliding them up, until he reached his elbows. TK took a closer look, first of the left upper arm, it wasn’t awful, a scrape near his shoulder and a few smaller bruises. He moved to the right arm and found stitches going horizontally across his upper arm, a few inches below his shoulder.

“How?” TK traced a light finger under the stitched skin, not going close enough to the wound, just enough for Carlos to know what he was talking about.

“I was grazed by a bullet.”

“A bul-…Carlos.” TK whimpered, his breath hitching at the realization that Carlos had been shot at. Carlos was a cop, TK knew that being shot at was part of the job, but seeing him harmed from it, had TK shaken.

TK slid his hands back down, moving to Carlos’ hips, making sure not to land on any injuries. TK moved in close, making sure not to be close enough to disturb his wounds, and placed his forehead to Carlos’ collarbone, similar to what Carlos did to him at the club. TK closed his eyes, breathing in Carlos’ comforting scent, and feeling him breathe, grateful that it wasn’t worse.

“I’m so sorry, Tyler.” Carlos’ voice was filled with guilt, his own hands gabbing lightly onto TK’s arms, “I was so nervous about worrying you, I didn’t think about what would happen if you found out another way.”

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” TK replied, moving his head back to look at Carlos, seeing just how exhausted Carlos looked. “And when you don’t look like you’re going to pass out at any moment, I am going to be have some angry words to say to you.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Carlos repeated, he went to move his hand to cup TK’s cheek, but winced in pain at the movement. TK grabbed the hand that Carlos had just lifted, and brought it back down to his side.

“Let’s get you back to bed, okay? We’ll talk more after you sleep.” TK pulled Carlos along with him, making sure just to lead and not actually pull.

“Are you staying?” Carlos asked, his tone hopeful, as they made their way into his bedroom.

“Yes.” TK responded, helping Carlos back into bed, making sure he was elevated and tried his best not to cause more pain to his ribs, then necessary. “So, I can lecture you about the importance of telling friends when their hurt, after you wake up.”

“Okay.” Carlos agreed, becoming more aware of just how tired he was, the adrenaline of seeing TK at his door, wearing off. “Will you lay with me?”

TK looked at down at Carlos, the vulnerability clear on his face at asking TK to be in his bed, and TK knew he couldn’t deny him. TK nodded and started getting undressed, well aware that sleeping in his uniform wouldn’t be comfortable.

Once he was down to his t-shirt and boxer-briefs, he looked up and noticed that Carlos hadn’t taken his eyes off of him while he got undressed. He had a sleepy smile, and a light blush on his face as they made eye contact.

“You’re stunning.” Carlos spoke so softly, TK almost hadn’t heard him. TK’s heart clenched at the raw honesty and affection in Carlos’ tone, TK couldn’t help how emotional he felt at the simple profession. TK smiled softly at him, as he got onto the bed and made himself comfortable next to Carlos. Carlos reached out a hand in the space between them, and TK took the hand in his.

“Sleep honey, we’ll talk when you wake up.” TK whispered, he saw the slight nod of Carlos’ head, and within seconds, he heard Carlos’ breathing even out into sleep. TK knew he wouldn’t be able to do much sleeping, too worried about Carlos to even close his eyes. So, he watched the slow rise, and fall of Carlos’ chest, the slight wince of pain when he breathed too deep; and he never took his hand away from Carlos’.

Carlos was okay. He was hurt, and in pain, but he was alive and that’s what mattered.

 

TK hadn’t been able to properly fall asleep, he was in a state of cognizance, just slightly dozing on and off. He was unable to sleep because of the constant alertness he felt at any hitch of breath or wince of pain, Carlos made in his sleep. So, TK was fully awake when he heard the sound of Carlos stirring. TK sat up, sitting cross legged by Carlos’ side, waiting for him to become aware. TK hovered in worry as he saw the grimace of pain at the breath Carlos tried to pull in as he woke, his arm reaching for his side.

“You okay, honey?” TK asked, petting at Carlos’ head. He watched as Carlos opened his eyes, turning his surprised gaze onto TK, as if he was shocked he was still there. “Do you need something?” Carlos didn’t answer, his eyes softening as he looked up at TK. Carlos lifted his hand, reaching for TK’s face. TK leaned in, letting his cheek rest in Carlos’ palm, not wanting Carlos to reach too far.

“You stayed?”

“Of course, I did.” TK smiled, before he turned serious, “I still need to yell at you for keeping this from me.”

“I know, I’m sorry Tyler.” Carlos sighed, and TK saw the guilt Carlos held, but he also saw that he was in obvious pain. Whatever pain medication he was on must’ve worn off.

“Don’t think using my name is going to butter me up. Now, did they give you anything for the pain?” TK asked. Carlos turned his head, looking to his night-stand where a pill bottle was sitting. TK nodded, “I’ll go get you some water.”

TK made his way to Carlos’ kitchen, trying to remember where Carlos’ glasses were from the last time he was here, but he figured it might be better to just grab him a water bottle. Thankfully Carlos’ fridge was stocked, so he grabbed one and made his way back to Carlos, grabbing the pill bottle before getting himself back into the bed, sitting himself back by Carlos’ side.

“Here.” TK handed Carlos the opened water bottle, and then went to open the pill bottle when he paused. TK had unconsciously read the label and felt his heart race, and his hands shake. It was the same thing he had taken when he overdosed. It wasn’t the temptation to take the pills that had TK so shaken, he had been doing well with his sobriety, and he hadn’t had a craving for it in a good while. But knowing what had happened the last time he had this drug in his hands, had him in a state of shock. He hadn’t even thought about this being an issue. TK had known, on some level, that Carlos needed something strong to help with his pain. TK just hadn’t thought much past that, focused on Carlos, and that he needed him.

TK took a deep breath and closed his eyes, his hand gripping the bottle tight in his hand, willing them to stop shaking. TK didn’t need this now. This wasn’t about him, this was about Carlos, he needed him, and TK didn’t need to panic while trying to take care of a hurt Carlos.

“Tyler.” Carlos voice was barely a whisper, sounding wary, placing his hand over TK’s.

TK let out a hard breath, “I’m fine. It’s fine.” TK shook his head, before opening his eyes, not looking up at Carlos, but putting all his focus on the lid of the bottle. Opening it and knocking out a pill into his hand and holding it out for Carlos.

“Ty-”

“Carlos.” TK urged, pushing his hand further out, needing Carlos to take it out of his hand. He felt Carlos’ soft fingers taking it from him. TK quickly closed the bottle back up, and without thought, tossed it to the other side of the bed. He heard as it hit the floor, and TK took a slow breath, hands clenching and un-clenching, trying to calm himself. TK heard Carlos’ hiss of pain, as he reached to put the water on the side table beside his bed. TK focused on that.

Carlos was in pain. This was about Carlos. Focus on Carlos. Carlos needs you. Think about Carlos.

Once he felt he was calm enough, he looked back at Carlos, scared of what he would see. Not that he should’ve been, he knew Carlos well enough by now to know he wasn’t going to judge, or see him as weak. Had this been Alex… well TK doesn’t need to think about that. All TK saw in Carlos’ eyes was compassion and caution, worried for TK’s state. TK could see that Carlos wanted to ask, ask him if he was okay, if he wanted to talk about it, and TK didn’t want him too.

“We can talk about it… I’ll talk to you about it.” TK promised, “Just not now, okay? Now I just want to be here for you, and take care of you, okay?”

Carlos searched TK’s eyes, making sure that he was really okay in that moment, wanting to make sure he didn’t need something from Carlos. All Carlos found was a pleading look. Carlos knew TK would tell him about it in time, knew TK would talk about it. He also knew TK’s need to take care of others. Carlos had seen, almost since the first moment of knowing TK, that he was someone that needed to take care of others. Carlos saw it in the way he cared for the people he saved, he saw it in the way he cared for his father, and went out of his way to help Paul when he was upset. Carlos also knew that TK wasn’t used to being taken care of by anyone other than his father. Carlos knew he would have to wait until TK was ready to talk about it.

“You just want to make sure that I don’t get out of getting scolded by you.” Carlos teased, wanting to make sure TK knew he was okay with waiting.

“You’re damn right, Officer Reyes.” TK replied, thankful that Carlos understood and happy for the change of subject. TK took Carlos’ hand, that was closest to him, into his hands. Carlos didn’t seem to be in as much pain as when he had first woken up, the medication helping relax his muscles. The bruise on Carlos’ ribs seemed so much harsher in the sunlight.

“I am sorry I didn’t tell you.” Carlos apologized, his voice going soft, “It wasn’t because I didn’t trust you, or that you couldn’t handle it. I just didn’t want to put this on you. Things had been going well for you recently, and I didn’t want to put any unnecessary worry on you.”

“Unnecess-…Carlos, that’s bullshit.” TK huffed in annoyance, “I know you think you were, I don’t know, trying to protect me or something? But this isn’t something I want to be in the dark about. Finding out from Michelle that something happened to you? That was terrifying. You hadn’t told me yourself, and I had no idea what kind of state you were in.”

Carlos made a sound of pain, and TK looked up seeing Carlos trying to sit himself up, “Hey, no. Stay there.” TK softly pushed Carlos back into his mound of pillows, making sure he was comfortable and elevated.

“Okay.” Carlos agreed, his body filling with warmth at the care that TK was giving him. He settled back in, squeezing TK’s hand, that he was still holding. “You’re right though, I didn’t think about how you would feel if you found out another way, and I am so sorry for that. I know I can just keep saying I’m sorry, and that it won’t do much except make me a broken record. So, all I can really say is that, I was wrong to keep it from you, and that I promise to never do that to you again.”

TK looked into Carlos’ eyes and saw nothing but open honesty in them, along with the guilt still present there. TK nodded, his head, knowing that there wasn’t much more that TK could ask of him.

“That’s all I need.” TK spoke softly, laying a hand on Carlos’ hip right below where the bruise began on his side, rubbing his thumb back and forth softly against the skin there. “I know I can’t ask you to not put yourself into another dangerous situation, just like I can’t ever promise not to be, not with what our jobs are. I just need to know that you’re safe.”

“I promise.” Carlos agreed, “As long as you promise the same, I need to know you’re safe too.”

“I promise.” TK nodded, looking at the alarm clock by Carlos’ bedside and seeing the time. “I have about two hours before I have to be at the station. Are you hungry? Can I get you an ice pack or anything?”

“No, I just need you by me, until you have to go.” Carlos confessed. He had spent his days at home alone and in pain, since the incident. Now that TK knew, and was here with him, all he wanted was the comfort of having him close.

TK smiled softly, and went to lie down with Carlos, trying to find the best way to do it without hurting him. So, TK moved Carlos arm slowly, making sure not to move him too much. TK laid on his side, putting his head on Carlos’ shoulder, keeping his hand on Carlos’ hip.

“Is this okay?” TK whispered. It took a second before he felt Carlos’ arm pull TK closer.

“It’s perfect.” Carlos whispered back.

“I’m not hurting you, right?” TK needing to make sure the position wasn’t causing Carlos any pain.

“No, you’re fine.” Carlos replied. TK felt Carlos’ hand rubbing small circles into his back, reassuring him.

TK breathed out a sigh in relief. Glad that he could be close with Carlos like this. Though, being this close, TK had a closer view of the bruise taking over Carlos’ side and it looked so much more painful from this position. TK knew logically that it didn’t actually look any different, but being this close, and seeing Carlos’ chest rise and fall, and hitching in pain. It seemed so much worse than it had been.

“Will you tell me what happened?” TK asked. It was quiet for a while, as if Carlos was deciding if he wanted to talk about.

“It was an anonymous call, someone saying that they had heard screaming from an abandoned building. I was alone on patrol that night, and was closest to the scene. I knew who was in the house the moment I got there, from the car parked out front. We had an APB out on it, it was owned by a man that had been seen kidnapping a little girl off the street. A man we’d been after for a while.” Carlos started, his voice low and weary.

“I called it in, asking for back-up. And I was going to wait, I knew how dangerous he was. We knew he was unstable and that he had weapons in his possession, so I was going to wait for back-up, I promise I was, Tyler.” Carlos needing TK to know that he didn’t run in, just to be a hero. Carlos had every intention of waiting, knowing that going in alone could be disastrous.

TK softly caressed his thumb over Carlos’ hip, letting him know he understood. Carlos let out a shaky breath before going on, “Then I heard her screaming, like she was being tortured. I knew how young she was, I couldn’t let her keep being hurt, not when there was something I could do about it. Not when I knew what the man did to the other children. So, I rushed in. He was surprised, which is how I got grazed. After that, it all kind of blends together. I know I got the bruised ribs from being pushed on top something, but I couldn’t tell you what.”

“The perp had just gotten control on his gun again, and he was ready to shoot, when back-up arrived and the guy was taken down. I can’t lie and say it wasn’t close, I was so worried that that was going to be it for me, that that man would kill me.” Carlos confessed, “But because I went in I was able to save that little girl, she would’ve been dead if I waited for back-up, so I can’t say that I’m sorry for what I did, or that I wouldn’t do it again.”

This was the first time Carlos had really gotten to speak about what happened. Sure, he had to report it, but that was all straight facts on what happened. The few times Michelle came to visit, she had spent most of the time calling him an idiot, while making sure he was fed and took his medication. Carlos hadn’t wanted to talk to her about it, had just let her scold him and let it go.

With TK, he felt comfortable enough to confess his fears, but also, confess his feelings about the situation. Carlos knew that even if TK didn’t like it, he’d understand it.

“Thank you for telling me. It scares me to know how much danger you were in. But I can’t lecture you about what you did, because had I been in a similar situation, I probably would’ve done the same thing.” TK confessed. They were both first responders, they spent almost every day putting their life on the line for others, risking their own lives to make sure another was spared. TK couldn’t condemn Carlos for doing something TK probably would’ve done.

“So, I do understand.” TK assured, “I also need you to know that while I’m still slightly mad at you for not telling me, I am not going to leave you to take care of yourself. I am going to baby you so hard, you’ll be wishing that I stayed away because of my constant hovering over you.” TK knew that after his shift, he would wind up right back here, checking up on Carlos. Texting him constantly throughout the day to make sure he was okay. TK was going to be a constant presence by Carlos’ side until he was able to move without pain.

“I wouldn’t ever wish you away, Tyler.” Carlos’ voice was soft, before he turned his head and placed a light kiss on TK’s forehead. TK felt goosebumps rise over his skin, at the intense tone to Carlos voice, and the unexpectedness of Carlos’ lips on his skin. TK knew that the pain medication didn’t help with the brain to mouth filter. TK knew Carlos usually kept these kinds of confessions to himself, not wanting to scare TK away with just how much he cared for him.

“How are your ribs doing? Are you in any pain?” TK asked, changing the topic, knowing that being in bed with Carlos, having him curled up close and spewing confessions was not a good idea to their, glacier-slow, unspoken agreement.

Carlos hummed, “They’re not awful, but I’d be lying if I said they weren’t bothering me.”

“Let me go and grab you an ice-pack, okay? And I’ll come right back.”

“You promise?” Carlos asked as TK started sitting up, the question making him pause in his ascent. He looked to Carlos’ face and couldn’t help but smile at the pout Carlos was giving him. TK had seen Carlos in many states since knowing him, this was the first time he’d ever seen him pout, and it was honestly one of the cutest things he’d ever seen this man do.

“I promise, honey.” TK replied, then, without thought, leaned down and laid a light kiss on Carlos’ side, above the edge of his boxers by his hip, near the lowest part of the bruise. Carlos breath hitched, and then he let out a muffled moan. TK’s eyes widened in shock at his own actions. He looked back into Carlos’ eyes and saw the heated look he was giving him.

“No fair.” Carlos huffed, his cheeks red and pupils dilated.

TK cleared his throat, sitting up properly. He could feel the desire rush through him at the look Carlos was giving him. Had this been another moment, a moment where Carlos wasn’t injured, and they had just been lying together chatting and cuddling, there is no way TK would’ve been able to control himself. Not with the way Carlos was looking at him.

But Carlos was hurt, and they were just friends... for now.

“Sorry.” TK mumbled, “I’m just gonna go grab- yeah… Okay, I’ll be back.”

TK rushed out of the room, and to the kitchen, making a pit stop at the sink to splash some cold water on his face. TK was here to take care of Carlos… not that that wouldn’t be taking care of Carlos.

Dammit.

TK shook the thoughts from his head.

Carlos was hurt. They were taking things slow. They were just friends.

TK repeated that mantra in his head a few more times before righting himself and grabbing an icepack from the freezer. He turned back to Carlos room, slowly making his way back. TK knew the rest of their time together, before TK had to call for a ride to the station, would be a little stilted after that interaction. But TK wouldn’t let that keep him from being near Carlos, until he had to leave. TK was going to make sure that Carlos was comfortable and had everything he needed before leaving.

Carlos deserved to be cared for, and TK was going to do him damnedest to make sure he was taken care of.

*

*

“Remember my friend? The one that knows about the relapse, and I wasn’t ready to talk about?”

“Yes, the one who took you to the club.” Dr. Tenner replied, letting him know she remembered their conversation.

“He’s a cop, and he was recently hurt in the line of duty.” TK’s leg was bouncing. This is the first time he talked about Carlos in his session, or to anyone that wasn’t Carlos himself.

“Is he okay?” she asked, prodding him to continue when TK paused for too long.

“Yes.” TK breathed, still grateful that Carlos was okay. He was even back at work, only on desk duty until he got the okay from his doctor that his ribs were healed and he got his stitches out. “He didn’t tell me at first, I had to find out from his friend.”

“And that upset you?”

“Well yeah,” TK replied sarcastically, “sure, we’re just staying friends for now, but I was pissed that he kept it from me. When Michelle told me, I had a panic attack, I had no idea what happened or how bad it was. I rushed over to make sure he was okay.”

“Did you speak to him about how much it upset you?” Dr. Tenner asked, writing a few notes down.

“Yes, we had a conversation about it. He apologized for keeping it from me, and promised not to do it again. He had felt awful about it. But since I’ve known, I’ve been helping him get better. He’s finally back at work, on desk duty.” TK shrugged, before going quiet again. He started tapping his fingers against his thighs, he felt like it was warm in her office today, warmer than usual.

“It seems there’s something more about this that you want to talk about.”

TK nodded. Trying to breath deep. It wasn’t like it was a huge thing to talk about. The doctor knew about his addiction and the relapse and the overdose. She knew things that no one else knew, but for some reason, today it was hard to get out.

“When I went over that first day, he was in a lot of pain. He has bruised ribs so the doctors gave him a prescription for the pain.” TK’s voice was low, but still loud enough for the doctor to understand. “I was helping take care of him, so I went to open the pill bottle for him... an-... th-…it was-”

TK blew out a breath of irritation. He was frustrated that he couldn’t get it out. It’s not like he relapsed again, he hadn’t even wanted to take any of the pills. After TK’s reaction that first day, he hadn’t seen the pill bottle since, almost like Carlos kept it away because of the reaction TK had to it. It worried TK that Carlos felt he had to do that. He wondered if Carlos thought that he had wanted to take his pills to get high, like maybe he was scared TK was tempted to relapse. TK hadn’t brought up the instance since, wanting to keep all his focus on Carlos getting better, but he knew he had to talk to him about it.

“The pills that were prescribed to him, were the same pills I relapsed and overdosed on.” TK finally pushed out, saying the words out loud. The sight of the pills had taken him back to his heartbreak and wanting to forget. Finding someone to get those pills from. Taking them. Waking up to his father, and his team saving him.

“Were you tempted?” Dr. Tenner asked. TK was grateful for the lack of judgement in her tone.

“No. I haven’t had a craving in months.” TK told her honestly, “It was just the sight of them. I was back in that moment. The moment when I was taking them to forget about Alex breaking me. Ready to forget and then waking up to my father resuscitating me, and I felt weak. And I was embarrassed for having that reaction in front of Ca- my friend.”

“You’re not weak TK.” Dr. Tenner leaned forward in her seat, making sure she had TK’s attention, “Just knowing that you were holding those pills and you weren’t tempted? That doesn’t make you weak, if anything that makes you strong. Strong enough to know that you don’t need those pills. Strong enough to know that your friend needed those pills and needed your comfort and that is what you were focused on.”

Dr. Tenner waited, letting what she said soak in. TK knew she was right, he had felt shocked at knowing what he had in his hands and not feeling a desire to take them. He knew that it wouldn’t be like that every time. He was a recovering addict, and there would be moments of craving, for drugs, to forget. But in that moment, he knew he didn’t need it.

“Now about being embarrassed, have you talked to your friend about your reaction?”

“Not yet, I didn’t want to make it about me while he was in pain.” TK explained, partially knowing it was just an excuse. He was nervous about talking to Carlos about it. Carlos knew he relapsed, knew he was a recovering addict, knew about Alex, but Carlos didn’t know about the overdose.

“But you want to talk to him about it?”

“Yes. I trust him more than anyone, and I care a lot about him. I want him to know all of me, even my dark secrets.” TK confessed, knowing he was giving more information about Carlos that he had wanted too. “I just… I don’t know how to bring it up, I guess? The first time I told him about the break-up and the drugs, it was because he looked so hurt that I rejected him, and I didn’t want him to think it was his fault. The second time we talked it was because I had a really bad day and had been feeling certain, cravings… and I kind of lost it and blurted out a lot of things I hadn’t meant too. I don’t know how to bring it up in casual conversation.”

“Well let’s talk about some ways you can start the conversation.” Dr. Tenner suggested, and TK nodded his head in agreement. He knew he needed to talk to Carlos. Knew Carlos had been worried about it since that moment that TK had paused with the pills in his hand. TK was worried that Carlos thought he was going to relapse again. TK knew he couldn’t fault Carlos if he hid them away because of that. He knew TK was a recovering addict, and no matter how much he trusted TK, he knew it was hard not to think that way.

By the end of his session, he was feeling better. Ready to talk to Carlos, but nervous about starting the conversation. He knew it wouldn’t be a bad conversation, he knew he was making it worse in his head then it actually would be. TK knew that he wouldn’t feel better, and feel calm until he actually had the conversation, so he made a promise with himself to talk to Carlos about it the next time they were alone.

*

*

Almost a month had passed since that session with Dr. Tenner, and TK still had not brought it up to Carlos. Dr. Tenner urged him after every session since, to just talk to him, and it would help settle him. He had tried. TK even spoke to his father about talking to Carlos, as Owen knew that Carlos knew about the relapse. (Though TK made sure, when he told his father about when he told Carlos about it, to keep out that it was in the police station after getting arrested.) TK had tried many times to bring it up, and then always made an excuse to himself as to why it wasn’t the right time.

Carlos was still healing. Carlos was just getting back to work. Carlos was too stressed about being back in the field. Carlos and him were in the middle of a movie, and Carlos was too interested in it. Carlos was expecting a call later in the night, and TK didn’t want to bother him with his issues before that. Carlos had a good day, and TK didn’t want to ruin the mood. Carlos had a bad day, and TK didn’t want to bring him down more. Carlos had work tomorrow, and why put that on him before a shift. Carlos had the day off tomorrow and TK didn’t want to upset him before he had a day off. Carlos was off from work, and why would he upset him on his day off. Etc. Etc.

The excuses TK made for himself were endless. Carlos seemed very well aware that TK was trying to bring something up in conversation, but didn’t want to push him when he wasn’t ready to talk about it. TK wished that Carlos would just ask, but he knew that Carlos was too patient and considerate and wanted to give him time.

It all came to a head one night, after they got off shift. They had seen each other sporadically throughout the day, on calls, and once when Carlos had stopped at the station to drop something off for Michelle. On the last call, TK had seen his father going up to Carlos to talk to him. TK knew that there was nothing about the scene, or in general, anything he knew about that his father would need to talk to Carlos about, so he was confused. Only becoming more confused when they both glanced over in his direction, Carlos looked away at being caught and his father giving him a smile before turning back to Carlos.

“Paul.” TK stopped him as he walked by, “Do you know why my dad’s talking to Carlos?” Paul glanced over at the two before shrugging.

“I dunno, man… does your dad know about, well… that you guys are…” Paul questioned without actually saying anything. TK was grateful for the caution. Even though TK never mentioned it to him, he had never mentioned Carlos to anyone else. Paul seemed to know just how cautious TK was about relationships, and how private he was about certain things. And Paul knew that Carlos was one topic that TK was holding as close to the chest as he could.

“I mean, he knows that we know each other, and that we’re friends.” TK responded. TK was sure his dad was questioning just how well of friends they were and if they were more than that. Owen had been curious about it since Carlos took TK home, that night at the bar a couple months ago. His father mentioned Carlos sometimes in casual conversation, like when he asked if he had talked to Carlos about a case, or if he was going to see Carlos, or lately, if he had talked to Carlos about the overdose yet, but that was as far as their talking of him went.

“Maybe it’s just work related.” Paul suggested, patting TK on the shoulder before walking off to resume what he had been doing.

TK couldn’t get it out of his head. He had asked his father, when he had gotten him alone, but he had just shrugged it off and said that it wasn’t anything important. Though, TK knew his father, and from the way he wouldn’t fully look at TK and from the tenseness in his shoulders, he knew his father wasn’t telling him everything.

So, he texted Carlos, asking if everything was okay and what his father had talked to him about. TK waited in nervous anticipation. He knew that right around now Carlos was getting off work, so he was probably packing up his things, or driving. TK knew he didn’t need to be worried, but something about the interaction earlier had him on edge and nervous.

When Carlos had finally responded, it was just as he was walking to his car, after his shift. Carlos didn’t actually answer his question, just responded that, everything was fine, smiley face included, and then asking if TK wanted to come over.

It just made TK more anxious. Ever since that night, months ago, when Carlos had invited him over late after a shift and the whole thing blew up because TK had been dramatic, Carlos hadn’t asked for TK to come over, after a shift, again. Usually if they saw each other after a shift it was accidental, because they both happened to be at the bar, or they had made plans ahead of time. TK sent Carlos a text back agreeing, and letting him know he was on his way over now.

The car ride to Carlos’ was too slow, and too fast all at the same time. When Carlos texted him, nothing sounded off, but something about him and his father talking had him in a small state of panic. TK knew his father wouldn’t betray his trust, and say anything to Carlos that TK didn’t want him to know. For all TK knew, his father had just mentioned something to Carlos about Michelle.

By the time TK reached Carlos’ front door his heart was pounding, and he felt hot in the cool night. TK took a deep breath, before knocking on the door. It’s not like Carlos was Alex. Alex had always gotten pissed when Owen talked to him. He had always thought his relationship with his father was weird, and co-dependent. But anytime Owen had asked Alex about TK, seeing if he was okay, or just being friendly, Alex wound up starting up an argument with TK. Alex would yell that TK told his father too much, that his father was too worried about him and needed to leave them alone; it got to the point where TK would dread anytime Owen started up a conversation with Alex.

So, the instant questioning when Carlos opened the door, had more to do with remembrance of those situations of Alex than anything else.

“Is everything okay? Did my dad make you uncomfortable?” TK asked as he walked in the door, a confused Carlos, closing the door behind him, “I mean, he knows we’re friends, but he doesn’t know anything about your personal life or anything, I wouldn’t tell him things you didn’t want him to know. Or was he asking about me? I’ve been honest with him and talking to him more about things so he shouldn’t be, but maybe? I hope he didn’t say anything to offe-”

“Tyler, breathe.” Carlos interrupted, putting his hand to TK’s shoulder, rubbing it calmingly. TK took in a deep breath and looked up at Carlos’ face, seeing the puzzled, and worried expression on his face. “Your dad just wanted to give me advice. Nothing’s wrong.”

“Advice?” TK questioned, uneasily. The last time Owen had given Alex advice, Alex had ranted and raved about how he didn’t need advice from a drug addicts father, “I’m sorry. He shouldn’t do that. He likes you a lot as a cop, and as a person I promise. He doesn’t think bad of you, and he was probably coming from a good place, I swea-”

“Hey.” Carlos, again stopped TK in his anxiety-fueled rant. Carlos brought both hand up to cup TK’s face, rubbing lightly over his cheeks. “There’s absolutely nothing to apologize for. Your father is a great man, and I will always welcome advice from him.”

TK stared at Carlos, his face showing nothing but honesty, and concern. TK took another breath, closing his eyes and focused on Carlos’ hands on his face. TK brought his hands to Carlos’ hips, gripping lightly at the fabric underneath his hands.

TK knew, logically, that Carlos wouldn’t be angry with TK or start a fight with him. Carlos was considerate and understanding. He was a man that valued others and always listened. TK knew in the back of his head that Carlos wouldn’t react like Alex would. Maybe it was the anxiety building up in TK about talking to Carlos about the overdose, or talking about Alex recently in his sessions, or maybe it just spun out from seeing the slight interaction between Carlos and his father today.

Carlos wasn’t Alex, and TK knew that. Alex was grey, dark and filled with narcissism. Carlos was light, color and empathy. The only similarity that he found between them, was their level of passion.

Alex’s passion had always been about himself, how people perceived him, being the best at all he could do, needing attention and doing whatever he could to be the center of other people’s world. Desperate for things to go his way, and became enraged when they didn’t.

Carlos’ passion was for others. Carlos became a cop so he could help others. He went out of his way to make people comfortable, and happy. Carlos spent more time caring for others then himself, and thrived on knowing he was making people better. When Carlos was angry it wasn’t on his own behalf, but on the behalf of others, specifically the ones he cared about.

Alex was what TK thought he deserved. Carlos was what TK strived to be deserving of.

“Are you okay, Tyler?” Carlos spoke softly, as if not to scare TK. TK nodded, opening his eyes back up, to meet Carlos’. Carlos moved one of his hands slowly up TK’s face, running his fingers through his hair, “Why don’t we sit and we can talk?”

Carlos waited for TK’s agreement, before pulling away enough to take one of TK’s hands in his and leading him over to the couch. They sat down, close together and facing one another, knees touching. Carlos kept his hand in TK’s resting them between them.

“Do you want to talk about what just happened?” Carlos asked. TK looked up into Carlos’ eyes, and saw the concern on his face, but there was no demand to know what was going on.

TK took a breath, and moved his eyes down to their linked hands, “I just… I’ve been trying to bring something up to you for a while now, but I’ve always chickened out when I try to talk about it, and I guess it was bothering me more than I thought. I’ve been really on edge lately, and I’ve been talking to my therapist a lot about my ex recently. So, that combination, and then seeing you talk to my dad, it just… I don’t know… I guess it kind of just triggered some things in my head.”

“Triggered what kind of things?” Carlos questioned cautiously, “Because you seemed pretty scared that I was going to react badly to your father talking to me.”

TK took a few minutes to just breathe, and feel comforted by Carlos’ presence next to him. TK knew he wanted to talk to Carlos about the pills and the overdose, but he hadn’t expected to talk about Alex. Carlos knew little things about Alex, like the way they broke up and some little things TK accidentally mentioned in passing, but not much more then that.

“We can wait to talk about it, Tyler. If you still nee-”

“No. Don’t give me an out, because I will take it. I need to talk to you, I want to… it just might take some time to get out, and the conversation might be all over the place.” TK told him, looking up into his eyes, and confused to see a soft smile on Carlos’ face.

“It’s funny you say that, because that’s what your dad was giving me advice on earlier. He said that you wanted to talk to me about something, but sometimes you needed the push to talk, and I should bring it up to you.” Carlos explained, “He also said to not let the puppy eyes get me, and to not give you an out… apparently I’m not too good at that second part.”

TK huffed a small laugh. He should have realized his dad would give Carlos that hint of information, “I’ve been trying to talk to you for about a month now, and I’ve had a really hard time bringing it up… so I may have ranted to my dad that I wish you would just ask, but I knew you wouldn’t because of how careful you’ve been around me and so I guess he kind of just pushed the issue for me.”

“I’m glad he did though.” Carlos confessed, “Because it’s true, I was worried that if I pushed and asked, that you’d pull away. I was scared that, with how far we’ve gotten since those first few months, me pushing would completely undo everything. I was being selfish, I care too much about you, to get pushed away for asking for information you weren’t ready to give.”

“Carlos.” TK’s heart broke a little at the honesty Carlos was showing. TK hadn’t considered what this was putting on Carlos. From the beginning Carlos had let everything be on TK’s terms, after he found out just how broken TK was. “That doesn’t make you selfish. If anything, it makes me selfish for not taken your feelings into account. I’m so sorry for that.”

“Tyler, you do take my feelings into account. I mean, you spent weeks coming to my house to take care of me after I was hurt. Do you know who was here for me the last time I got hurt on the job, like you were?”

TK shook his head at the obvious rhetorical question, “No one was here. Michelle came every once in a while, to check up on me, but I haven’t had anyone care for me, in the way you did the last few months, in a long time. You are one of the most genuine and caring people I’ve met in Austin, and I am so grateful for every moment you chose to be in my presence.”

TK’s heart was racing, looking into Carlos’ eyes and seeing nothing but truth, a soft smile on his face and the blush on his cheeks. “Carlos. You’re too good for me.”

“Hey.” his face set determinedly, “That is in no way true, Tyler Kennedy. I told you before, and I’ll tell you again, you deserve so much more then you believe and I can’t wait for the day that you see that. So, no. I’m not too good for you, you’re just not use to being treated the way you deserve. No one’s perfect Tyler, but you’re perfect for me and I need for you to know that.”

The room was quiet with Carlos’ confession. Nothing but Carlos’ heavy breathing at his unwavering outburst, and the sounds coming from the night outside. TK could swear Carlos would be able to hear just how hard his heart was pounding. TK knew Carlos had feelings for him, of course he did. He’s known since that night after the bar, but TK had no idea that Carlos had gotten in so deep. TK had come here to confess his own things, he had not expected this.

“I’m so sorry.” Carlos let go of TK’s hands, a look of panic on his face, “I know you’re not ready for anything. I know that, and I know we’ve been staying away from saying or doing certain things, but I just hate that you see yourself that way. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable and I need you to know that I’m not trying to push or anything of that sort. Like I said before, this is on your terms, I kno-”

TK took back Carlos’ hand in his, putting his other hand over Carlos’ mouth, effectively shutting off the embarrassed rambling. Because as cute as it was to see Carlos so flustered, TK didn’t want Carlos to think that he had done anything wrong.

“Tonight, was supposed to be about me confessing things, not you.” TK teased, hoping to calm Carlos down. Carlos rolled his eyes, over exaggerating the motion. TK removed his hand, and saw the smile on his face, and knew that Carlos took that for what it was. TK wasn’t scared off by the confession, but he also wasn’t ready to address it. “So, as you know I’m not the best at talking about my time before moving here.”

“I had no idea.” Carlos teased.

“Shut up.” TK huffed, “So, if you want to ask questions? Maybe? Because I honestly don’t know how to start.”

“Okay, well why don’t you tell me what happened when you got here? Why were you so freaked out about your dad talking to me?” Carlos asked, his voice going soft with the turn of conversation.

“I kept…” TK took a deep breath, and looked down to where their hands were clasped together, Carlos lightly rubbed his skin with his thumb, “It just… So, when I was with Alex, my ex… he would… He’d just get so angry anytime my dad would talk to him, and he’d say all of the awful things about my dad and me, a-and our relationship. And I guess, when I saw my dad talking to you today, my brain just kind of went back to those times with him.”

The silence stretched for a little longer than TK had expected. He looked up at Carlos and noticed how tense he looked. Carlos shuffled a little, and made direct eye contact with TK before asking, “TK, I want to ask you something. Because the way you reacted, it seems like… it just… I need you to be really honest with me okay?” TK nodded in agreement. “Did… Did he ever put his hands on you?”

“No.” TK promised, Carlos deflated slightly, the anger still in his eyes. But knowing that Alex had never physically hurt TK helped Carlos not immediately want to make his way to New York to find this guy. “It was all verbal. I’ve actually been talking to my therapist a lot about him lately, working through my time with him. I think that’s another reason I reacted so badly tonight, I’ve been talking so much about the crap he used to say and do that I guess, it was subconsciously in my head.”

Carlos let out a frustrated sigh and put his head on TK’s shoulder, “I knew he was a complete idiot for letting someone like you go, and a horrible human by the things you mentioned about him before. But I swear TK… Part of me wishes for him to never be in the same state as you again. The other half hopes he tries to come down here so I can show him just how stupid it was to treat you that way.”

“You’d have to get in line.” TK replied, “Judd called dibs if he ever made his way to Austin.”

“Well in that case, I’ll just make sure to be there in uniform, so he knows he can’t go to the police after.” Carlos reasoned, with a shrug. TK huffed out a laugh, knowing that Carlos was joking… mostly joking.

“In the spirit of me not getting amped-up over your idiotic ex, let’s move on.” Carlos suggested, picking his head up, “But just know, I would never talk down to you, or get angry at you for things that are not in your control.”

“I know, Carlos.” TK assured him, “I know you’re not him. I know that you would never… it’s just sometimes my head needs to catch up. You are literally the exact opposite of everything he was.”

“As long as your aware, Tyler Kennedy.” TK rolled his eyes. Carlos gave him a smile, before turning serious again, “Now, do you want to tell me what you’ve been trying to tell me for weeks?”

TK’s heart was racing, and he moved his gaze back to their clasped hands, knowing it’d be easier to talk if he wasn’t looking at Carlos. “You remember, back when I first came over here when you got hurt, and I… I gave… g-gave you t-th… the…”

“The pills.” Carlos stated, knowing that was what TK was trying to get out, and it hurt him to see the obvious struggle for TK to talk about it. TK nodded his head, his head still bowed and not making eye contact.

“You hid them away after that day.”

“You were uncomfortable when you saw them, and I didn’t want to upset you. It’s not because I didn’t trust you or-”

“That wasn’t an accusation, just a fact. You don’t have to explain Carlos. You knew about my addiction and the relapse, and I wouldn’t blame you if you hid them away because you were worried I’d take them.”

“Tyler, I didn’t… that wasn’t...” TK looked up at Carlos, and saw the obvious struggle to try to explain himself.

“Hey, this isn’t me accusing you of anything, okay? I’m not mad, or hurt by it. My dad keeps his pills locked up, because I asked him to. I’ve been sober since I got to Austin, but knowing their somewhere I could easily get to them made me uncomfortable, and sometimes, when I’m not in a good mindset, I do get temptations. I am still a recovering addict and it hasn’t even been a year since my relapse, so you don’t need to give me an explanation and I don’t want one, okay?” TK asked, desperate for Carlos to agree and to not feel guilt or a need to explain himself.

“Okay.” Carlos agreed.

“The reason I’m bringing it up at all is because… I want to explain my reaction.” TK went on, his eyes going back to their hands. TK brought his other hand to their clasped ones and caressed Carlos hands between his, needing something to focus on.

“I… those pills… th-their the… they were the ones…” TK huffed out a breath of frustration. Carlos brought the hand, that wasn’t being held in TK’s, up to TK’s shoulder to rub reassuringly. “The pills you were taking for the pain, were the same ones I relapsed on.”

“Oh, Tyler.” Carlos sighed, his tone sad and troubled.

“Wait, just… there’s one more thing…” TK looked up, meeting Carlos’ eyes for just a moment, before returning his focus to their hands, “I didn’t just relapse… I overdosed, if my dad didn’t come looking for me… well, it could’ve been bad.”

Carlos hand, that was being held by TK’s, tightened in his grasp, the hand that was on his shoulder sliding down his arm. It was quiet, all TK could hear was the pounding of his own heart at the confession. It was the first time, other than with his therapist, that he had told someone. TK felt lighter at finally telling Carlos the whole truth, to confess the secret he had been hiding in fear. TK glanced up and saw the lost look in Carlos eyes, before Carlos moved close and pulled TK into a tight hug.

TK was surprised. He knew Carlos wouldn’t react badly to the information. He had told TK something similar happened with his brother, so TK knew that Carlos wouldn’t judge TK. But he hadn’t expected Carlos’ arms tight around him, like he was scared to let go. Or feel the slight hitch in Carlos’ breath as he took in the information.

TK hugged him back, one arm reaching up so his hand could pet through Carlos’ hair. They stayed like that for a while. Carlos needing to feel TK close, at this new knowledge. Knowing that, had Owen never went to check up on TK, he would never have had him in his life at all; it shook Carlos to his core. He had learned to care so much about this beautiful boy, with the huge heart. Carlos wasn’t afraid to admit how much he cared for TK, and couldn’t say he wasn’t close to the ‘L’ word being thought of, when thinking about TK. It was a little bittersweet, for Carlos. TK had opened up to him, had told him something that was extremely personal, and he was so happy that TK felt safe enough with Carlos to open up in this big of a way. But the admission of what happened, what could’ve happened, was devastating to hear.

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself.” TK went on, needing Carlos to know that. He knew it could be on his mind, knowing that it was one of the first questions his father asked. “Alex had just ripped my heart to pieces, and I was too weak to handle it. On the way home from the restaurant I found someone to buy from… I just wanted to forget about how bad I felt.”

“Hey.” Carlos pulled back, his hand cupping TK’s cheek, “That doesn’t make you weak, you hear me? You had been beaten down by that man after giving him your heart, just to find out that he was cheating on you? Of course, that was devastating, who would think clearly in that moment? I sure as hell wouldn’t be able handle something like that.”

Carlos comforted, making sure he was getting through to TK, “Having a moment of weakness while in a spiral of heartache, doesn’t make you weak. No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. What you need to think about is the strength you had after. The strength you have to stay sober since that incident? The strength you have to talk to your therapist, even though you hate talking about personal things? The strength you have to talk to me about it? You are one of the strongest people I know, Tyler.”

“You sound like my therapist.” TK teased, his heart feeling full at the absolute determination in Carlos’ eyes, to make sure TK was hearing him and believing everything he said.

“Then you have a damn good therapist, and I should maybe think about changing professions.” Carlos joked back, taking TK’s hint that he needed something light after his confession.

“No, you’re perfect in your current profession, and in your uniform.” TK said, before blushing at his statement.

“Well, Tyler Kennedy, are you flirting with me?” Carlos held his hand to his chest, his eyes wide in embellished shock. TK laughed, and Carlos couldn’t help the smile that came onto his own face, at seeing it. “But seriously, I’m glad you told me. I’m glad that you trusted me with this.”

TK could feel his body heat up, knowing what he was going to confess to Carlos. TK hadn’t planned to tell him this, but after Carlos’ confession earlier, and how heavy their recent conversation was, TK needed him to know just how special Carlos was to him. “Remember that night, after the bar. When you said you hoped I’d find my safe space?”

“I do.” Carlos nodded.

“I found it.” TK confessed, his heart skipping at what he was going to admit. “Carlos, you’ve been my safe place since that night. You are the one I feel safest, and most comfortable with.”

TK could see the open surprise on Carlos’ face, could tell that Carlos hadn’t expected his words at all. “Other than my therapist, you are the only one I talk to about my secrets and my fears. I love my dad, and team and I trust them with my life… but I trust you with my heart.”

“Tyler.” Carlos sighed. TK could see just how shocked, but delighted Carlos looked. He obviously hadn’t expected TK to acknowledge how he felt about him.

“I still have some issues, that I need to work through… but I need you to know that I care so much for you, and I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have you.” TK went on, needing to get it all out, knowing he wouldn’t have the courage again, not until he was ready to be with Carlos completely. TK pulled Carlos close, putting their foreheads together so they were sharing breath.

“I’m sorry I’m not ready to give everything to you now. I wish I could, so badly.” TK whispered, “But I’m not ready for that, and I don’t want to jump in before I can give you all of me. And I know I can’t ask you to wait for me to be whole bu-”

“Tyler Kennedy, I’d wait forever if it meant I got to kiss you just one more time.” Carlos replied, bringing one hand up to cup TK’s cheek, and TK’s heart skipped at the emotion in Carlos’ words.

“Carlos.” TK said his name almost as a plea. A plea to kiss him, a plea to wait. He wasn’t sure which he wanted.

“If you wanted, I could kiss you. Just one kiss… until you’re ready for more.” Carlos’ voice was rough with desire, his other hand moving to cup the back of TK’s neck. TK moved his hands to grip Carlos’ arms, needing something to hold. He was getting hot, the desire burning in him to just give in to it. What was one kiss? They were both obviously filed with desire for each other. The closeness they felt at opening their hearts to each other with truths they shared, filling them with a need to be closer.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea… I don’t think we’d stop at just one kiss.” TK reasoned, though he moved his head just slightly, to nudge Carlos’ nose with his.

“I could stop us.” Carlos hurried to claim, “I could make sure we stopped. We could just have one kiss.”

“Just one.” TK coincided.

“Just on-” Carlos didn’t get to finish his sentence, before the awful ringing of TK’s cell phone went off in his pocket. They both sighed out in obvious displeasure, slow to pull away from each other. TK reached into his pocket, and saw it was his father.

“He’s always had the best timing.” TK mumbled out, before picking up the phone, “Dad?”

“Hey son, I just wanted to make sure you were okay?” Owen asked. TK knew it was just to make sure he was somewhere safe. He couldn’t really blame his father for checking in. TK had promised to let his father know where he was going at all times, it was one of rules in Owen’s ‘tough love’ list, when they got to Austin.

“I’m at Carlos’. Sorry, I forgot to text you.” TK was annoyed with himself for forgetting, because had he not forgotten maybe they wouldn’t have been interrupted. Though it might also be a good thing they were disturbed. TK wasn’t a 100% sure they would have been able to keep it to a G-rated kiss.

“Oh. Well then,” TK heard the sly tone in his father’s voice, “shall I be expecting you home tonight?”

“Yes, I’ll be home soon.” TK replied, knowing staying at Carlos’ after their desire fueled last few minutes, would not lead to anything but getting into Carlos’ bed. TK said his goodbyes to his father, and turned back to Carlos.

“I should go.” TK sighed, looking to Carlos.

“You don’t have too.” Carlos pouted.

“I do. Because we both know we wouldn’t have been able to stop at just one kiss, and staying here wouldn’t be beneficial to our unspoken, ‘taking it slow’ rule.” TK spoke, knowing that it was the truth.

“Bleh.” Carlos sighed, plopping back on the cushions behind him, “I know your right. I do… It’s just I’ve been waiting quite some time to hear all those beautiful things coming out of that mouth of yours, and my level of thinking is not in the right head right now.”

“Carlos!” TK laughed, smacking Carlos lightly on the leg. Carlos laughed along, pulling himself back up to look at TK.

“But in all seriousness, when you’re ready. I’ll be here, I’m not going anywhere.” Carlos promised, his smile bright and sincere.

“I know.”

*

*

“I talked to my friend.” TK started at his next session. Dr. Tenner look pleased, and smiled at him before writing a few notes.

“And how did it go?” she asked him.

“Great. I feel so much lighter after talking to him. He was so careful and caring when we talked, and I didn’t feel judged or weak.” TK shrugged, a small smile on his face, “He just has this way about him, that makes me feel safe.”

“I’m really happy that you’re feeling this, TK. It’s good for you to see that the way you perceive yourself and your past, it doesn’t define who you are and doesn’t make the people around you think any differently of you. Talking to your friend was a huge step, and I couldn’t be happier with how far you’ve come since our first session together.”

“To be honest, without Ca… -my friend, I don’t know if I would’ve actually tried during our time together. He kind of gave me the push I needed to try and, fix what felt broken in me.”

“This friend of yours sounds like a keeper.” Dr. Tenner smiled, “Are you ready to talk about him?”

“No.” TK denied, “But… soon, I think.”

“I look forward to that conversation.” Dr. Tenner replied, writing more notes, before looking back to him, “What did you want to discuss today then?”

“Well… I think… no, I know. I want to tell my team.” TK said nervously, “About the addiction, and the relapse.”

“That’s quite a big step for you.” Dr. Tenner noted. Which was true, the last time they had talked TK had furiously denied wanting to tell the team. He didn’t want to have to bring it up, and didn’t want to see their reactions.

“I hadn’t planned too, not so soon.” TK replied, picking at the invisible lint on his jeans, “But something happened on a call recently, that made me change my mind.”

Dr. Tenner nodded, patiently waiting for TK to continue.

“We were on a call, and this woman was badly injured and not conscious. The paramedics were just starting on her, ready to give her medications to ease her pain and help her so they could transport her to the hospital. Thankfully her husband came right on time, and stopped them from giving her anything because she was severely allergic to certain medications.” TK stated, “And that made me think about me… If I got badly injured, to the point of not being able to talk to the paramedics, and my father wasn’t around, the paramedics wouldn’t know that I was an addict, and not to give me certain drugs.”

“So, you want to tell them for your safety?”

“Partially, yes.” TK shrugged, “I have to be realistic, I’m a firefighter, I’m bound to be hurt sooner or later. And when that happens, I need to know that someone will be around that can notify the people working on me, not to give me certain drugs. Because if they don’t know, and they give me something… I’m scared of how my mental state will be, once I wake up, to know that I was given something I have been trying so hard to stay sober from.”

“I think this shows, just how much your healing, TK. You are taking your insecurities about your past and working through them to make sure you are able to make a future for yourself. That is a strong thing to do. To know that you don’t want to talk about it, but acknowledging that it’s something that needs to be spoken about.” Dr. Tenner explained, “When we first started, I couldn’t say that you’d have the same mindset.”

“I wouldn’t.” TK agreed. “When I first got here, I didn’t really care one way or the other. I didn’t want anyone to know anything, and all I needed was to make sure my father was okay and cared for. Other than that, I was just kind of slowly moving through my days. And I’m done living that way. I don’t want to be here just to be alive, I want to live my life and have a future and let people in.”

“Good.” Dr. Tenner’s smile was wide, and her eyes were soft. “Then let’s talk about how to tell your team.”

*

*

“I’m freaking out.” TK spoke to Carlos through his phone, pacing in his living room. TK had talked to his father about wanting to tell the team about the addiction and how his therapist had said it might be a good idea to do it where he was comfortable. Owen had offered up the house, for a little dinner get together, with just the team. So, TK had spent all day running errands, freaking out, cleaning the house, calling Carlos to freak out, doing more cleaning, and more freaking out.

“Tyler, everything is going to be fine.” Carlos reassured, his voice instantly calming TK. TK took a deep breath, and plopped down on his couch.

“It’s just, it’s so hard to talk about.”

“You talked to me about it, and you did just fine. It may take you a little to get it out, but everything will be okay.”

“You’re different, Carlos.” TK muttered into the phone. Carlos was TK’s light, constantly filling him with happiness and hope, as difficult as it was to talk about, TK had always felt safe when in Carlos’ presence. “Would you… Could yo-… Could you come over tonight?”

“To your fire-family dinner?” Carlos asked in surprise, “The same dinner that you adamantly told Judd he was not allowed to bring Grace too, because it was 126 crew only?”

TK huffed in annoyance, “You can just say no.”

“I’m not saying no, Tiger.” Carlos assured, “I’m just making sure you’re aware of the crap your going to get from him when he finds out you invited me, and Grace wasn’t allowed to join.”

“He’ll understand why once I, you know, tell them.” TK shrugged, “I just… I’d feel more comfortable if I had you next to me while I talked to them.”

TK could practically hear the soft smile that Carlos was wearing. He had the same soft, genuine smile every time TK mentioned his feelings for the man. It was a smile that TK only saw directed at him.

“Of course, I’ll be there for you, Tyler.” Carlos agreed. TK sighed in relief, knowing that just having Carlos near would help TK talk about something he hated. They finished up their conversation, TK letting Carlos know when to be over and that he didn’t have to bring anything. Once they hung up, TK tossed his phone aside and fell sideways, so he was lying on the couch instead of sitting on it.

“Did I hear you inviting someone else over tonight?” Owen asked as he walked into the room, sitting himself on the arm of the couch TK was on.

“Yes.” TK replied, putting his arm over his eyes, to hide from the knowing look his father was giving him.

“And would that someone be a certain Austin police officer?”

“You know it is, dad.”

“You know Judd isn’t going to be too happy about you bringing your boy, and him not being able to bring his wife.” Owen said. TK could hear the smile in his voice.

“He’s not my boy.” TK huffed, sitting back up on the couch to look at his father.

“You’re cop?”

“Dad!”

“Listen, son, I’m just teasing.” Owen laughed, before moving to sit next to him. “I know you’re not ready to talk about him in that capacity, and I also know that it’s not just friendly feelings. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and I’ve seen the look you get at just hearing his name. So, we don’t have to talk about it until your ready. But I just want you to know that… I really like him, TK.”

“You’ve never liked any of the guys I’ve liked before.” TK mumbled out, partially hoping his father didn’t hear him and would let it drop.

“Those ones didn’t deserve you, especially the last one.” Owen retorted, an angry tint in his voice at having to mention Alex, “But this one is different. He’s a good man, and he makes you happier than I’ve seen you in a really long time, TK… that alone is almost enough to have me start looking at wedding venues.”

“DAD!” TK exclaimed.

“Yea, yeah. I know. We’re not talking about it.” Owen rolled his eyes playfully, “But I’m serious, TK. I’m your father, and I don’t really think anyone is good enough to deserve to have your heart, but this one seems to be coming pretty damn close.”

Owen gave TK one last smile, before patting him on the knee and standing up, “Now help me in the kitchen. We still have a lot to do before the team shows up.”

 

The first knock at the door came half an hour before the allotted time that TK had given the team, which automatically had his heart rate picking up. Owen must have seen the panicked look in his eyes, because he stood, gave his son a comforting pat on his shoulder with a, “I’ll get it kid.”

TK tried to think of who on his team would arrive early, maybe Marjan, she was always super punctual to work. It could be Judd too, Grace always had a way of making sure he was never late for anything. He listened closely, trying to hear who it was.

“Officer Reyes,” TK heard his father greet, and TK should’ve known. TK jumped up from his spot and rushed to the hallway, Carlos shaking his father’s hand with a smile.

Owen knew the moment his son showed up behind him, not by the rushing of feet, but by the change in facial expression on the officer’s face. Greeting Owen, he had a polite smile and a slightly tense posture, but the moment he caught sight of his son, Owen saw Carlos’ eyes go soft, his smile brightening and his shoulders relaxing. Owen knew in that moment, he wouldn’t be having a problem with this one.

“Carlos.” TK sighed, the obvious appreciation in his tone. Owen looked between them and realized he had obviously been forgotten, despite the fact that he was still shaking Carlos’ hand. Owen cleared his throat and let go, startling Carlos to take back his hand.

“Well, I’m going to go check on dinner.” Owen stated, having Carlos follow him further into the house, “Why don’t you two make yourselves comfortable in the living room while we wait for the others to show up.”

Owen winked at TK, TK returning with an eyeroll. Owen made his way to the kitchen, leaving the two alone. TK pulled Carlos into a hug.

“Well, hello to you too, Tiger.” Carlos said, the smile in his voice obvious. TK pulled back and returned it, before pulling Carlos into the living room, sitting down on the couch.

“You’re pretty early.” TK acknowledged, turning his body towards Carlos.

“Well, I knew how much you were freaking out about tonight, and I figured if you were worried enough to invite me over, then I should maybe come early so you weren’t alone when the other started showing up.” Carlos shrugged, turning his own body towards TK.

TK had never felt such warmth for someone, then in that moment. TK felt like he was younger, meeting a boy for the first time and getting butterflies. Carlos gave so much care and attention to TK, and it was getting harder and harder for TK to keep himself from Carlos. Carlos had such a big and selfless heart, and TK was so grateful to be able to be on the receiving end of that attention.

“You know, you’re a really great man, Officer Reyes.” TK smiled, feeling his cheeks heat in a blush at what he was feeling for this man.

“I could say the same about you, Tyler Kennedy.” Carlos replied, with a wink at TK. TK giggled. Giggled. He can’t remember the last time he felt light enough for that.

“I’m sorry.” Owen interrupted, “Did you just call him by his name?!”

TK and Carlos looked back at the absolute shock on Owens face, his eyes wide staring at Carlos in awe, and a smile gracing his face.

“Dad.” TK stood up, feeling embarrassed.

“TK, he called you by your name!” Owen exclaimed, his smile getting brighter by the second, “Your name! I’m not even allowed to do that.”

“Dad!” TK pulled his father back into the kitchen, his father obviously vibrating in happiness. TK peaked back at Carlos to see the pleased and thrilled look on his face. Carlos obviously knew that no one knew his name, but he hadn’t known that he refused to let anyone ever call him by his it.

“TK, I knew you liked him, but yo-”

“Dad, please.” TK stopped his father, his eyes pleading.

“Hey, I’m just happy, kid.” Owen said, his eyes softening at the panic on his sons face, “I mean, I knew he was important to you, but I didn’t realize just how important.”

“Dad, I can’t… I’m not-”

“Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you un-comfortable by making it into a big deal.” Owen softened, putting his hand to his sons shoulder in comfort, “I’m just, really happy you found someone TK, even if it’s just as friends.”

“I know dad… I’m really glad I found him too.” TK mumbles shyly before giving his dad a small smile, and making his way back to Carlos.

“Not a word.” TK said sternly, his cheeks bright red, as he walked back into the living room to Carlos. Carlos held up his hand in defense, the smile on his face bright and happy. TK felt his heart melt at the look on his face, and in that moment, TK knew that no matter what happened with his team tonight, it would be okay.

 

It took another ten minutes for another knock to come to the door, Carlos saw how tense TK got at the simple knock. Carlos took TK’s hand in his, “Everything’s gonna be okay, Tyler.”

TK gave Carlos a slight smile, before yelling out an, “I’ll get it.” To let his dad know he didn’t have to, before making his way to the door.

TK took a deep breath, before opening the door. It was Judd, his smile bright.

“Hey kid.” Judd greeted as TK allowed him in, a light tap to his shoulder.

“Hey Judd.” TK said, his voice nervous.

“You okay, brother?” Judd asked, pausing in the hallway.

“Yeah, I just… I wanted you to know that there is a reason why I didn’t invite Grace to come.” TK explained, wanting to warn Judd before he saw that Carlos was here. TK didn’t want Judd to think that he purposely didn’t invite Grace and then invited Carlos. “I have something important I need to talk to you guys about, and I wanted it to just be you guys. You can tell Grace if you want, it’s just going to be hard enough telling you guys and you guys are family so I d-”

“TK, man.” Judd put his hand on his shoulder, “I know. I figured you wanted it just to be just us because it was important. No need to explain.”

“I do, I wanted to let you know because I invited Carlos.”

“Officer Reyes?” Judd asked, other than Paul, Judd was the only one that really knew Carlos, as he had been in Austin his whole life, and had been working with Carlos since he joined the Austin PD.

“Yes, he’s a really good friend of mine, and he… he jus-”

“Oh.” Judd raised an eyebrow with a smile, his tone making it seem like he was making certain assumptions.

“No, he’s just a friend.” TK stated firmly, “Probably my best friend, and he knows what I need to talk to you guys about, so I invited him for morale support.”

“Mhm, okay. If that’s how you want to play it, I gotchu kid.” Judd patted him on the shoulder before making his way to the living room, TK heard him greeting Carlos.

TK let out a breath, happy that Judd understood. Now he just needed the rest of the team to come, so he could get this over with. TK wouldn’t tell them about the overdose, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to tell them about that. But he needed to tell them about the substance abuse. Like he told Dr. Tenner, this was more about the need to tell them, then a want to tell them. He had to do this, because it the long run, it would be more beneficial to him for the team to know. To have this information about him, would help if he wasn’t able to let someone know that he couldn’t have opioid-based drugs. He had to do this, and he knew that once it was done, he’d feel somewhat better.

He was knocked out of his thoughts by another knock at the door. He took another deep breath before going to answer, and let in more of his team.

 

It took a good twenty minutes for the rest of the 126 to get to the house, and TK was vibrating with nervous energy. The team was in the living room, chatting, and TK was pacing in the kitchen.

The idea was to tell the team before they ate, so that he could get it out of the way, and they could spend the rest of the night talking and enjoying each other’s company. Owen had come in to the living room, letting them know dinner would be ready soon, giving TK a look, letting him know that he should tell them if he wanted to do it before they ate. So, TK excused himself to get a moment to his own, and now he was panicking. He was fidgeting with his hands, mumbling under his breath.

“You can do this. They’re your family. They care about you. You can do this.”

“You okay in here?” Carlos asked, walking into the room.

“No, I’m not okay!” TK whisper-shouted, his eyes wide.

“Breathe.” Carlos instructed, walking up to TK, cupping his face in his hands. “Deep breaths.”

TK took a deep breath, looking into Carlos’ kind, beautiful eyes, and trying to calm his racing heart.

“That’s it.” Carlos smiled, “Everything is going to be fine, and I’m going to be right here for you, okay?”

“Okay.” TK nodded, “Okay.”

“You ready for this, Tiger?” Carlos asked, running a hand through TK’s soft hair.

“No.” TK admitted, but grabbed Carlos’ hands, gave them a squeeze, more to reassure himself that Carlos was there, before pulling Carlos with him, back to the living room.

The team was sitting comfortably around, chatting with each other and laughing. Paul, Mateo and Marjan sitting next to each other on the long couch, Judd was on the armchair, with Owen sitting on the arm, ready to make his way back to the kitchen when the timer went off. Carlos gave him another reassuring smile, when he looked at him. TK let go of Carlos’ hand, as they made their way to the loveseat, both of them sitting down.

The team seemed to notice the tense energy coming from TK, as they all turned their attention to him.

“Are you okay, TK?” Marjan asked, her voice soft and concerned.

TK nodded before starting, “So, I know I asked you guys all to come over for dinner tonight, and part of it was so we could get together… but it’s also because I want to share something with you guys.”

“Hey, whatever it is man, we’re here for you.” Paul said, seeing how unnerved TK was. “I mean hell, most of us were ready to travel up to New York to find your ex and kick his ass for hurting you.”

“Probably shouldn’t say that in front of the cop.” Mateo teased.

“No, I’d cover for you.” Carlos shrugged.

“Glad we got law enforcement on our side.” Judd smiled, nodding at Carlos, “But like Paul said, we’re here for you brother.”

“Thanks.” TK gave a soft smile, before looking at his lap, fidgeting with his hands, “I wanted… I needed to… I just…”

TK let out an annoyed breath at himself, he knew this wouldn’t be easy. It wasn’t easy when he told Dr. Tenner, wasn’t easy with Carlos, and now he was trying to tell four people at the same time. While these four people were important to him, knowing there were all these eyes on him, knowing he was about to open up to them in a way that terrified him… he knew he could do it. It was just so difficult.

TK glanced over to Carlos, and Carlos looked at him with a smile and comforting eyes. TK put an open hand between them, silently begging Carlos to take it. The team knew now that Carlos and TK were friends, and though TK wasn’t ready for them to know how important Carlos was to him, he also knew he needed the contact. Needed the comfort of Carlos’ warm hand in his.

Carlos took TK’s hand in his, giving it a squeeze in encouragement.

“Oh,” Mateo said, “Is this about yo-”

Paul and Owen both cleared their throats in interruption. TK and Carlos looked up to see them both looking at Mateo, and shaking their head. Mateo looked back at the two on the loveseat, “Never mind.”

TK raised an eyebrow in confusion, the break in the tense quiet helping TK calm just the slightest bit, and having the warm security of Carlos’ hand in his, he knew he could do this. This simple act of talking, to opening his life up to his family.

“So, I told you guys about my ex, about how what happened with him happened right before we moved here.” TK started, feeling his heart beating hard in his chest, the room feeling hotter then it was. “Well, that’s not all that happened for my dad to move us here.”

TK paused, needing to take a breath, needing to take one more minute of the team being ignorant to his darkest truth.

“After the restaurant, and finding out about Alex and having my heart crushed I… I umm….” TK felt another soothing squeeze to his hand from Carlos, “I relapsed… on pills.”

It was quiet, the team taking in the confession quietly, coming to terms with this new information about their brother.

“You know, I thought the not drinking thing had to be more then you just not getting into it.” Paul acknowledged.

“Yeah, that makes a lot more sense now… you always seemed so off those first few times we took y’all out to the bar.” Judd nodded, before saying, “You could’ve denied the invite, kid. You didn’t have to come if it had made you uncomfortable.”

“No, it didn’t… I mean sometimes it did, but I wouldn’t have gone if I couldn’t handle it.” TK promised, “And I’ve been completely sober since I’ve been in Austin, I promise.”

“We believe you, TK. And we trust you.” Marjan smiled at TK, her soft feature showing just how truthful she was being, “It doesn’t make us think any less of you. Everyone is addicted to something in some way or another.”

“Yeah, I mean your dad is addicted to his hair and skin care.” Judd joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Hey!” Owen smiled.

“But seriously kid, there is nothing to worry about. We all knew you were hiding things, and we were okay with waiting until you were ready to talk to us, and we’re really grateful that you trusted us with this.” Paul spoke with a smile.

“To be honest, I really wasn’t going to tell you yet. I wasn’t ready too.” TK confessed, feeling lighter, and able to confess more at the unjudgmental and openness that the team was showing him, “But I realized that, in the job we’re in, any of us could get hurt. And if something happens to me, and I can’t talk to the paramedics, that any of you will be there to make sure they don’t give me something.”

“We got your back kid.” Judd stated.

“Damn right we do.” Paul joined.

“Can I ask how many months sober you are?” Mateo asked, cautious that his question would be taken in the wrong way.

“I’m about 7 ½ months sober.” TK stated, “Before I relapsed I was sober for about six years.”

Then Mateo was up from his seat and striding over to TK, pulling him up and into a hug. TK paused in surprise, before letting go of Carlos’ hand and returning the hug. When Mateo pulled back, TK saw the emotion in his eyes.

“I know I told you about my brother, but I never mentioned my parents.” Mateo said, his voice wavering just the slightest bit, “My brother was my guardian, because after my mom died, my dad got addicted to drugs.”

“Mateo.” TK said, his heart breaking at the sadness in the younger boy’s voice.

“My dad tried to get clean, but he couldn’t do it… He always said the pain was too much and it wasn’t as bad when he was high. The drugs killed him almost two years after my mom… So, I know how hard it is to stay sober, I saw the struggle my dad went through. And I need you to know that I’m here for you, and I know how strong you are.”

TK didn’t know what to say, he felt so many things at Mateo’s confession. At knowing that his father overdosed and died because of it. Knowing, like Carlos did, what it was like to see someone struggling with an addiction like this. TK could do nothing, but pull Mateo back into a hug.

“Thank you.” TK whispered.

“Thank you, for staying with us.” Mateo replied, just as soft, “I’m glad to have a brother like you in my life.”

“I think we need to bring it in, y’all.” The two heard Judd say, then they were surrounded by the others, all pulling in for a tight hug.

TK was surrounded by the people he cared for the most, all of them showing just how much he meant to them. In this moment, surrounded by his loved ones, he couldn’t have felt happier.

The rest of the night was spent enjoying each other’s company, eating good food and playing card games. Everyone relishing in the fact that they were in the company of their found-family, and feeling the love of the people surrounding them.

*

*

“I told my team.”

“How did it go?”

“It was very freeing.” TK replied, the room felt cool today, and the air felt clear. TK told Dr. Tenner all about that night. About how scared he was, about how he invited over his ‘friend’, about the love he felt from his teammates, about Mateo talking about his father’s addiction, about how the rest of the night was filled with nothing but good energy.

“Does that make you feel closer to your team?” Dr. Tenner asked, her eyes pleased, as she wrote down notes in her book.

“It does, I didn’t tell them about the overdose, and I don’t know if I even want too.” TK shrugged, “But knowing that they know this about me, that they know I’m a recovering addict and they still feel the same about me, makes me feel so connected to them… like I finally fit into the spot they had been holding open for me.”

“It’s great that you were able to get to this place. That you are finally able to be yourself with your team, knowing that they know the important things about you.”

“It is nice, not feeling like I’m walking on egg-shells, scared that I’d slip up and accidentally tell them when I didn’t want too. They know, and I feel good.” TK said with a smile to the doctor.

“That’s great, TK.”

“And… I think I’m ready to talk about my friend.” TK said, nervous once again. He was going to tell his doctor about Carlos. This would be the first time he actually talked about Carlos, and his feelings for him, to someone that wasn’t Carlos himself.

“Oh?” Dr. Tenner asked, straightening her posture in her chair, obviously curious.

“His name is Carlos, he’s an officer of the Austin PD.” TK admitted, finally using his name in his session.

“And you met Carlos on the job?”

“I did, and then I saw him at the bar I went to with the team. He asked me to dance, and I was honestly kind of surprised… I wasn’t expecting to find another gay man in Austin so quickly, if I’m being honest.”

Dr. Tenner nodded, keeping up a light writing of notes as he talked.

“We uh… hooked up not even a week into knowing each other.” TK confessed, “I was still dealing with my heart being broken from Alex, so I figured sleeping with him would be a good distraction.”

“Was it?”

“Definitely.” TK sighed out, before coughing in embarrassment, “I mean… he’s definitely not awful to look at. He was hot and sweet and there. It was easy.”

“Until it wasn’t.” she guessed.

“Until it wasn’t.” TK nodded. “I was using him as a distraction, and he wanted something more.”

“He wanted to be with you.”

“Yes… I went over late one night and there was a, misunderstanding. That’s when we realized that we were hooking up for two different reasons. I walked out, and figured that was it… then I got into the bar fight.”

“The one you went and started?” Dr. Tenner asked, remembering a different session, when TK had confessed to that.

“Yes, I was arrested that night, and of course, he was the one to process me.” TK responded, “He wiped some blood off my face and I just… I saw the care in his eyes. I hadn’t had anyone care for me like that in a long time, other than my father, and he barely knew me. So, that’s when I told him about my ex and the relapse. I felt so awful about rejecting him, when he seemed so concerned, so I kind of blurted it out without thinking about it.”

“You must have felt safe with him, in some way.”

“Maybe.” TK shrugged, “He asked me out later that night and I accepted, but I knew after that date that I couldn’t keep seeing him.”

“Why?” Dr. Tenner asked.

“I didn’t think I deserved him.” TK confessed, “Carlos is one of the most amazing men I have ever met. He’s compassionate and kind and good, and I was still in a spiral of self-doubt and self-destruction. I knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to be with him, not when I knew I couldn’t give him what he needed, or deserved.”

“That changed though, right? You staying away from him?” Dr. Tenner asked, when TK had paused for too long.

“There was a call, months ago, and I was in a bad way. I was feeling tempted to use, and I was at the bar with the team when I saw him again, outside of work. He knew right away that something was wrong. I went to his house that night and I was so wound up with energy I kind of ranted about how I didn’t deserve him and I mentioned Alex and the pills… I honestly couldn’t tell you exactly what I said.”

“But he was there for you?”

“Yes. He told me that I deserved more than I thought, and that he hoped I found a safe place to be myself, and that he’d be there for me if I let him.” TK smiled softly, remembering that night.

TK remembered how he felt that night, how cared for and safe he felt, laying with Carlos and hearing Carlos speak to him so softly and honestly.

“That night was when I decided that I wanted to fix myself, I didn’t want to be broken anymore.” TK confessed, “I realized that night that I had already found my safe place in Carlos, and I wanted to be what he saw in me.”

“So, you wanted to fix yourself because of Carlos?”

“I mean, not exactly. Carlos was the push, but I needed to do this for me. That talk with him had me thinking about my life, and the last time I felt as safe as I felt with him, and I couldn’t remember. I wanted to get to a point in my life where I could feel okay. I wanted to be what Carlos saw, but I also wanted to feel okay for myself. Carlos made me realize that, I deserved more than what I was allowing myself.”

“And that’s what you started trying in these sessions with me.” She nodded her head, remembering the day TK came in and actually talked to her for the first time, with emotion and truth.

“Yes.”

“Carlos sounds like a great man.”

“He is.” TK smiled bright, just thinking about him. “He’s been so amazing with everything. Like, we both know we’re attracted to each other, and he knew that I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, so we’ve kind of had this ‘unspoken’ agreement to stay friends, and he’d follow my lead.”

“And how is that going?” Dr. Tenner asked, marking more notes in her book.

“I mean…” TK felt himself blushing, “The last time it was just the two of us was when I talked to him about the overdose. I told you how great he was about everything, but I didn’t mention that, he told me that I was perfect for him and that he would wait forever for me.”

“Well,” Dr. Tenner smiled, “Sounds like he is very invested in you, and willing to wait for you.”

“Yeah, we both know that it’s me. I’m the only reason we’re not together… I’m so scared about jumping in too early.” TK admitted, “He deserves so much, and I want to give him everything, but I’m terrified of messing everything up.”

“I can’t tell you that the relationship will be perfect. But, I do need you to know that, you won’t mess everything up. Being in a relationship takes effort, the effort to put in the work and the effort to be there for each other. And you will mess up, but so will he. You have to put in the work, to make it work. Nothing in life is that easy.” Dr. Tenner spoke with an encouraging smile, “But if you two really care for each other as you seem too, then isn’t putting in the effort worth it? For those moments of joy with someone you want to be with…”

She paused, letting TK take in the information. It was true, TK had said to himself before, he didn’t want a perfect relationship. He wanted a real one, with someone who was passionate about him. He wanted the passion, and the truths, and the mistakes and the triumphs. TK was just terrified of putting his heart back out there, for it to be broken again. And while Carlos didn’t seem the type to tear him apart, there were no guarantees. But shouldn’t he trust Carlos, and himself, to try?

“And about the timing… if it’s too early. There is going to be a moment, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a week, maybe in a month, where something is going to happen, and you’re going to realize that it’s time. That you’re ready to give him your heart, even if you’re unsure about the future. Because that moment is going to prove to you that, it’s the right time, and you deserve to give yourself the opportunity to be happy with someone who wants to make you happy.”

TK hoped she was right. Hoped that he would do this right. Hoped he would come upon that moment where he realized that it was time, time to give Carlos his whole heart. He trusted Carlos with his heart, he had told Carlos as such. It was the complete opening of his heart and allowing Carlos to take permeant residency in there, that scared TK. As of now, it was like Carlos was surrounding TK’s heart, poking at is for entry, while also defending it against other intruders. TK needed to let him in, and he was getting scared that the moment would never come.

*

*

The team was just getting off a shift, they had all been done an hour ago, but a call ran late, so they were taking their time. They had all gotten washed up, and dressed and were sitting around chatting before they left for the night, when TK’s phone rang. TK figured it was Carlos, they had spent a few days together just hanging out and talking. TK getting to learn more about Carlos’ life, rather than TK talking all about his past, and it had been great. Carlos usually called TK when on break at work, and he knew that today his break was around the time TK would be getting off work.

TK pulled out his phone and was confused at the number, it seemed familiar in some way, but wasn’t in his contacts, so there was no name attached.

“Hello?” He answered.

“TK, hey.” The voice said, and TK recognized it instantly.

“Alex?” TK questioned shocked, he hadn’t talked to the man since that night at the restaurant. He watched as the team turned their full attention on him, with varying states of anger and concern.

“Hey baby,” Alex said, his voice taking on that soft tone he always got when he was trying to apologize without actually apologizing, “Where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you.”

“Um, I moved to Austin.” TK replied, too confused to think of anything else to reply with. He couldn’t wrap his head around why Alex would be calling him. And why now? It was just about eight months of them being in Austin, and he hadn’t heard from the man since then, why was he asking about him now? Why even call him? And why was he calling him baby?

“Austin? As in Texas?” Alex asked, “Why on earth would you do a thing like that? You moved so far away from me.”

“Um… what?” TK asked suddenly annoyed.

“Look I know that last dinner was weird, but that guy means nothing to me anymore. He was just a pretty thing to love for a while.” Alex replied, his tone so condescending it had TK’s jaw tensing in anger. “Besides, he apparently found someone else to be with, nowhere near as good as me obviously. But I miss you baby, why don’t you come on back to me?”

“Are… Are you serious right now?” TK questioned in disbelief.

“Of course baby, if anything this just showed me that you’re obviously the only one for me. You love me, clearly, since you wanted to marry me.”

“Yeah, I did. And you broke up with me for another guy.” TK stated through clenched teeth. He had spent months heartbroken over this man. Months of feeling like he wasn’t good enough, months of feeling rejected and alone. TK had relapsed because of the despair he felt losing this man. He hadn’t ever planned to hear from Alex again, and if TK was being honest, he always thought he’d feel broken all over again, if he did ever hear from him again. But all TK felt was anger.

Alex gets broken up with by the guy he left TK for, and now he wants him back? He wants TK to uproot his life in Austin to move back to New York, just like that? Because TK wanted to marry him, so Alex figured he was a sure thing.

“Oh, come on, TK.” He could practically hear Alex rolling his eyes through the phone, “You had to know that wouldn’t last. Me and you are forever baby.”

“Fuck you, Alex.” TK replied, before hanging up and throwing the phone, hearing it crash and break against a wall. TK looked to his father, “I need a new phone number.”

“Yeah, of course, son… Are you okay?” Owen asked cautiously. Owen could honestly say that he was stunned at his son’s reaction. The moment TK said that name, Owen thought TK would spiral again. Terrified that hearing the voice of the man that broke him, was going to break him again.

“His new boyfriend broke up with him, probably realizing what an asshole he is, and wants me back.” TK raved, pacing in anger, “He called me baby! Baby?! You break my heart, to be with another man and when that same man breaks it off with you, you think I’m just going to come crawling back?”

“TK man, breathe.” Paul spoke softly, hoping a calm tone would help TK’s anger.

“Nah, let it out, brother.” Judd replied, knowing TK needed the outlet, “He had no right to call you after that long.”

“Damn right he didn’t!” TK agreed, pointing to Judd, “That asshole thought that because I asked him to marry me, before he broke it off, that I was a sure thing. That we were ‘forever’. What kind of bullshit is that?”

“That guy has got to have some issues, because that’s just ridiculous.” Marjan added. This was the first time the team had seen TK like this. They had seen him smiling, annoyed, caring, scared, sad, emotional, and even a small bit of anger. But this raving in anger was new. They could all see that TK was fuming, and they realized, after Judd had said it, that TK needed this as an outlet. He needed to talk it out, yell it out.

“Exactly! That’s ridiculous! What kind of sad sack does he think I am that I would just be waiting around for him?”

“Yeah!” Mateo exclaimed, “You deserve way better than that asshole.”

“I do!” TK agreed, before pausing and repeating, “I do” but softer this time.

The team watched TK, saw his pause. They could see that something was obviously going on in his head.

TK was frozen. He said it. He deserved better. TK deserved better. Alex was a narcistic man who only cared about himself, and TK deserved better than that. If anything, Alex didn’t deserve him. Didn’t deserve his attention. Didn’t deserve to be a thought in TK’s head any longer. Didn’t deserve any hold in TK’s heart, not anymore, maybe he never should have. But TK knew one person that did.

Carlos.

Carlos deserved TK’s heart. Carlos saw TK when he was a shell of a person. Carlos saw TK at his worst, and at his best. Carlos saw TK for everything he was and wanted him anyway. Carlos had been waiting for TK to be ready. Had never expected anything from TK.

“TK?” Owen asked, worried that the anger leaving his son meant that he was about to spiral out.

“Is Michelle still here?” TK asked, the question coming out of nowhere.

“Yes, she’s in her office… TK, are you okay?” his father asked, taking a step towards his son.

“I’ve never been better, dad.” TK smiled brightly, and it shocked Owen to see the honesty on his face. “I’ll talk to you guys later, promise.”

Then TK was off, running towards Michelle’s office, leaving the team in confusion.

TK saw that Michelle was sitting at her desk, typing out something on her phone. TK knocked on the door, his body vibrating with excited energy.

“TK?” Michelle asked, “What can I do for you?”

TK walked in, shutting the door behind him, and taking a seat at her desk.

“This is going to sound really weird… but do you by any chance have a spare key to Carlos’ house?”

“Um… yes?” Michelle asked in confusion.

“Okay, you know that me and Carlos are… something?”

“I do… I know that you guys are taking it slow.” Michelle spoke slowly, her tone making her statement almost sound like a question.

“Yes, and that’s because of me. I wasn’t ready. But I want to do something for Carlos, something special, and I wanted to see if you’d feel comfortable giving me the key to his house? I promise I’ll give it back.”

Michelle looked at TK, saw the bright hopeful look in his eyes. Saw the dazzling smile on the boy’s face and how happy he looked. Michelle had never seen TK look so bright before, and it was beautiful to see. Michelle could see, right then, what Carlos saw before anyone else did. She thought about denying him. Carlos was her best friend, he trusted her with his spare key. But Michelle also knew she trusted this boy, and honestly… what was he going to do to a cops house?

“Okay.” She nodded, grabbing out her key ring, taking Carlos’ off, “But know that I know your going to his house, and if anything happens, I won’t hesitate to turn you in.”

“Noted.” TK smiled, Michelle nodded before handing him the key. “Thank you, Michelle.”

“TK.” Michelle’s voice stopped him before he walked out the door. He paused and looked back to her, “Be good to him.”

“I will.” TK promised, before leaving.

 

TK was pacing in Carlos’ living room. He knew he’d be home any minute and TK was nervous. He knew, logically, that there was nothing to worry about, he knew how Carlos felt about him, but that didn’t stop the nervous energy filling his body.

The moment TK had left the fire house, he had gone to the grocery store before making his way to Carlos’ house, and letting himself in. It was weird to be there without Carlos, especially since Carlos didn’t even know he was there. But once TK had something in his head, it was hard to stop himself from going through with it.

So, here he was, pacing and waiting, in Carlos’ house. Waiting for the man to come home. TK smoothed down his shirt, grateful that he packed decent clothes in his bag to change into after work. He might’ve talked himself out of it if he had to stop at home to change.

TK saw headlights, through the blinds on Carlos’ windows, pulling into the drive way. Carlos was home, and TK felt the room go hot. His heart picking up speed and his palms sweaty.

TK had parked in front of the house, wanting Carlos to realize it was him in his house, if Michelle hadn’t warned him already. Carlos was a police officer, and TK didn’t want Carlos to come in, gun out, thinking there was someone breaking and entering.

TK made sure he was facing the door, when he heard the keys jingling at the door.

TK took a deep calming breath.

“TK?” Carlos asked, confused, as he walked in the door, “Are you okay? Michelle told me you’d be at my house when I got home, and you wouldn’t answer your phone. I was worried about you.”

Carlos features were soft and open in concern.

“I’m fine.” TK assured with a smile, “I didn’t answer because I broke my phone.”

“You… broke your phone?” Carlos asked, the confusion in his voice taking over some of the concern.

“I did.” TK smiled.

“Okay.” Carlos stated, prolonging the ‘a’ sound as he said it, “Do you want to tell me why you broke your phone?”

Carlos was tossing his stuff onto his couch, feeling better that there was nothing obviously wrong with this beautiful boy, before turning back to TK.

“Later.” TK replied, before taking one of Carlos’ hands and leading him towards the kitchen.

“Tyl-”

“I made you dinner.” TK said, his voice soft as he stopped them. Carlos looked to the table and saw the table set for two, and a pizza box sitting along with it.

“Okay… I tried to make you dinner, and was too nervous so I burned it. So, I ordered pizza.” TK rolled his eyes, at the obvious look Carlos was giving the pizza.

“And can I ask why you broke into my house to try and make me dinner?” Carlos asked, looking back at TK, a sliver of hope in his eyes.

“Because the last time we tried to have dinner here, I left because we wanted two different things and I walked out.” TK started, “I want tonight to go differently.”

“How do you want tonight to go, Tyler?” Carlos asked, a desperate note in his voice, willing TK to say what he was hoping he would.

“Tonight, I want to tell you that, I want everything with you, Carlos Reyes.” TK stated, his smile devastatingly bright and promising, “I want to be with you. I’m sorry it took so long, but if you’ll have me, I want to be with you in every capacity. I care so much about you, honey. You are my safe space, and as terrified as I am to give you my everything, I would rather be broken by you, then never get the chance to have you.”

“I won’t break you, Tyler.” Carlos said softly, his hand cradling TK’s cheek in his.

“I trust you.” TK replied, reaching out to Carlos, placing his hands on his waist.

“I adore you.” Carlos countered, before pulling TK in, finally getting to touch his lips to TK’s again. The kiss was soft, not a desire fueled kiss as their previous ones. This kiss was filled with promises. Promises to themselves, promises to each other. A kiss of reassurance that they were together. It was just them, in the quiet of Carlos’ kitchen. Being one.

Carlos brought his other hand up to cradle the back of TK’s head, moving his head to deepen the kiss, feeling the passion build within them. The longing coming to life between them. Every missed opportunity to touch, every almost kiss, every distance that they hadn’t closed between them, was fueling the fire.

TK pulled Carlos closer, their bodies connecting at all points, feeling the desire they had for each other. Carlos moved his hands slowly down TK’s body, feeling the shiver go through him at Carlos’ touch. He reached past TK’s ass to grip his thighs, picking TK up and moving him to sit on the counter.

“Oh wow.” TK breathed, as they broke apart, Carlos moving to TK’s neck. TK had never been picked up before, not like Carlos had just done. TK pulled Carlos closer with his thighs, pulling his head away from his neck to bring their lips together again. Carlos brought his hands to TK’s shirt, quickly starting to unbutton it, needing more skin to touch.

TK allowed his shirt to be tossed away, before moving to Carlos’, grabbing the bottom before pulling it away, and moving his mouth to Carlos’ neck, mouthing at the skin there.

“Tyler.” Carlos moaned, and TK couldn’t help but let out his own sigh of pleasure, hearing Carlos use his name while in the throes of passion, was one of the best things TK had ever heard. Carlos made his way to TK’s jeans, unbuttoning them, when TK grabbed his hands, pausing the action.

“Maybe we should slow down.” TK offered, his breaths coming fast, his heart racing, “I did get pizza.”

“Tyler, if you want to slow down, I am more than willing to wait until your ready.” Carlos replied, his hands gripping TK’s, his nose nudging his, “But I need you to know that if you’re willing, I want to take you to my room, strip you down and worship you the way you deserve.”

“Carlos.” TK whimpered, bringing his mouth back to Carlos, his hands gripping Carlos’ hair.

“Is that a yes to the bedroom idea?” Carlos asked, pulling away and placing kisses on TK’s collarbones.

“God, yes.” TK replied, desperately.

“Well then, hold on Tiger.” Carlos whispered, before pulling TK to him and picking him up again, moving them towards the bedroom. TK moaned at being lifted, and moved his mouth back to Carlos’ neck to lick and suck the skin there. Carlos mentally kept the reaction to TK being manhandled, in the back on his mind for later.

Carlos laid TK on his bed, and took a step back just to look. TK rose to his elbows looking back. Carlos took in the messy hair, the desire-filled eyes, the red and bitten skin that Carlos had done, and the obvious bulge in TK’s pants.

“You’re beautiful.” Carlos spoke, his voice low and truthful.

TK’s smile went soft, as he sat up putting Carlos between his legs as he moved to the edge of the bed. TK placed a kiss right below Carlos’ belly button, listening to the hitch of breath, before turning his gaze up to the beautiful man standing above him.

“I want to give you everything.” TK replied, just as soft and just as honest, before pulling Carlos down with him to the bed.

They spent hours in Carlos’ bed, learning and worshipping each other’s bodies. Enjoying their time to be together, and to be intimate. Letting themselves take their time, knowing that they had plenty of time in the future for quick and dirty. This was about them finally being together in the way they had both desired for so long.

When they had settled, laying cuddled together, nothing between them, TK took a moment to wonder what had taken him so long. He looked to Carlos’ face, eyes closed and smile soft on his face. TK ran his hands through Carlos’ hair, and Carlos moved with the action, his smile brightening at the simple touch.

TK couldn’t remember a time he ever felt this happy and warm and free. Being with Carlos, knowing that he was finally his and that no matter what happened, at least he had this.

TK didn’t know what the future held. But in this moment, lying next to Carlos, and feeling pure joy, TK felt optimistic about the future for the first time in years.

And that was enough.

TK had to wait a long time to be at this moment. He had waited and hoped to one day feel what he was feeling in this frozen bit of time. And it may have taken a while, but looking at Carlos’ beautiful face and feeling how full his heart felt, he knew it had been worth the wait.

Notes:

I really hope the ending doesn't feel rushed... I'm not great and knowing how to end stories. But if you made it to the end, I hope you enjoyed it.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of Safe space