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Bucky stared at the mush of rice and vegetables in his bowl. He played around with them with his spoon not really caring that he was smearing carrot everywhere.
He was living with Steve now in the Avenger Tower, what Steve was doing avenging anything Bucky didn't get, after he had been held in a government facility for being a danger to the US.
He didn't know what Steve did to get him out and for him to be under his custody but he was grateful. Living in a cold harsh white cell had done nothing but make him remember things, horrible things that were done to him and the horrible things he did to people.
Remembering who he was, James "Bucky" Buchanan Barnes, was not easy or nice. Most days he wished he was anyone but this guy. This guy whose life is a faint memory.
Steve, the stubborn idiot, didn't give up on him. He let him stay here even though his team didn't trust him (They were correct to be afraid of him. He had already found so many breaches and ways to kill all the team. It said something for what Steve had done that he hadn't tried anything.). At first it was horrible, Bucky was still lost and confused about everything.
He didn’t know who Steve was let alone himself. All he knew that he was a weapon. The most deadly weapon that shouldn’t be left to some lunatic blond with a chip on his shoulder.
Steve, though, took everything slow. He didn’t talk to Bucky unless Bucky talked first. He kept his distance but was always close when Bucky needed him. He let Bucky leave when he wanted or needed to but never left him permanently even if Bucky didn’t understand why he stayed with a broken weapon.
The one thing that brought him back the most was when Steve cooked. He remembered over hearing Steve talking to his black colleague who said that smell was the strongest sense and that people remember things more with smell. Bucky wasn’t sure about that but when Steve made boiled potatoes, cooked ham, and dry biscuits he started remembering things. He remembered a small, thin, blonde lady with a charming crooked smile fretting over him to eat more when she hadn’t eaten at all. He remembered a little boy the tiniest little blond boy pouting because he had just stolen the last biscuit to smile wide when he revealed he had hid it from behind his back and shared it with him.
Then there was the War Cake. It wasn’t a cake that the others would eat when they celebrated something (They only let him attend because Steve made a fuss.) but it was more flat and chewier then those cakes.
He remembered taking a bite of the “cake” then all of a sudden he remembered laughing at a dame whose face he couldn’t remember and getting slapped because he didn’t find her cake as good as when Steve made it. He remembered a shy smile and an awkward laugh as he ate Steve’s cake for his birthday and eating it all because despite it not being real cake it was better than all the other stuff Steve had made. He even remembered his birthday date. He even remembered that his sisters, he had three, had gotten together and had gotten him a beaten down but still nice Saint Christopher necklace to keep him safe overseas. He had even touched where the necklace would have been to be disappointed to find it had been lost along his seventy odd journey he had taken.
He had cried after the first bite. He remembered Steve was freaking out that he had done something wrong but he had shaken his head and had gone over and hugged Steve for the first time in seventy odd years.
After that he had started to feel more welcome in Steve’s floor even though Steve had told him he been been since he had been found. He even started to hang out with the rest of Steve’s friends even when Steve wasn’t there to be a buffer. The rest of Steve’s gang had gotten used to him and some, like Thor, who would come and go so much that it confused him when he was or wasn’t there, would praised him for being a mighty warrior. Sam had warmed up to him but he still didn’t put his back to him (Steve did and Bucky thought it was the dumbest thing this kid could do, but then he remembered the other dumb things Steve did and he didn’t know why he associated with that idiot kid.).
Tony, god did he look just like Howard (that’s why he always called him Stark since sometimes he couldn’t tell), didn’t trust him and he was very vocal about it. Bucky really liked him for that. At least one of them had brains.
Bucky liked Hawkeye because he didn’t trust Bucky but he still interacted him like he was someone. He cracked jokes and even put his arm around him like they were long time buddies. Bucky was glad to have someone who treated him like a friend but wasn’t handling him with kids gloves like Steve was wont to do.
Bruce avoided him but he avoided most people so that didn’t really phase Bucky. He always heard of Tony’s girlfriend Pepper and The Colonel but he had never met them due to Tony’s distrust in him. Natasha would stare at him and would eat with him but she never said anything. He liked her for that
He smeared around another carrot.
“Bucky, aren’t you hungry?”
He didn’t want to say no because he was but then he didn’t want to say yes because he was nervous.
He had remembered how much he loved Steve.
It was stupid. Steve was on a mission, he was always on missions nowadays, and he had gotten in over his head like he always did. Bucky wasn’t trying to cause trouble and he wasn’t looking for trouble but like always he found himself in trouble because of Steve. He had gotten a gun and had started sniping off people. He had just sniped a goon that had gotten too close to Steve when Steve had turned around and with a smile saluted him.
That had brought an array of memories, good and fond memories, flooding back but he had a mission to do and he stayed focused and saved Steve’s ass.
Later when the others were celebrating, they always had food after and Bucky didn’t get it, Bucky had gone into his and Steve’s room and had locked himself in the bathroom. He couldn’t look at Steve at the moment or he would have burst.
He remembered the first time he realized he loved Steve. It was beautiful fall day where Steve was able to go outside and was able to breathe despite it being chilly and him not having that many thick clothes. They had gone walking and had come across a grassy area full of leaves. Steve had taken one look at it and decided that despite it looking full of dirt and grime that he was going to storm into it and kick all the leaves around and stomping all the crunchy leaves he could find. The huge smile coupled with the shine to his eyes and the red of his cheeks made Bucky’s heart pound and his heart warm and that’s when he realized. It didn’t hit him or shock him it was just another revelation.
He never told Steve because he thought it wasn’t worth mentioning and because he never thought Steve would like him like that. Steve already had enough problems, Bucky didn’t need to complicate things with his dumb feelings anyway.
But then he got taken and he starting to forget things. Then Steve saved him but he was too late and Steve was in love with someone else. That revelation stung more than the torture he tried to suppress did.
He had to tell Steve. He had to before something else happened that took him or Steve away from each other.
Bucky looked Steve right in the eye before putting his spoon down. Steve looked unsure and bit scared as he asked, “What’s wrong with it? Do you want something else?”
Bucky shook his head and gathered up his courage because he had to say something.
They both jumped as Clint ran into their door, how he was able to be the greatest marksman ever baffled Bucky, then shook himself as he looked at them seriously and said, “Got another emergency guys and it looks bad.”
Bucky and Steve turned to each other than nodded. Steve left to get his suit on and Bucky, well, Bucky headed to his ‘safety’ room as Stark put it. It was meant to keep him safe, but Bucky knew it was meant to keep others safe from him. The void voice JARVIS had told him that the room was secure for him. He knew that he should be helping but Steve would be distracted and the rest of the team would be too if he went. That was proven true when he had gotten out of the room when he saw how bad things were getting and decided he needed to save Steve. Tony had gone berserk and had turned red and yelled that the room could not be broken out of. Bucky didn’t say anything because he was built to do a mission and finish it at any cost. A room with a void voice wasn’t going to stop him.
Tony had refurbished it and now it was supposed to be indestructible. Bucky was leaving judgment on that.
He turned around and saw Steve put on his gloves. They locked eyes for just a second before Steve asked, “What were you going to ask?”
Clint yelled at Steve for being an old man and having a bad time for a conversation but they both ignored him.
Bucky bit his lip before shaking his head. “No, now go. They need you.”
Steve stared at Bucky for longer than was necessary. “Okay.” Then he left with a yelling Hawkeye as Bucky shut the door.
JARVIS started speaking to him in soothing tones but Bucky ignored that and banged his head against the wall.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid. . .”
*
“Did you hear about the newest state to legalize gay marriage?"
Steve’s head came back up and fast. He tried to blink the sleep away but it just left him feeling like an idiot.
“What?”
Bruce laughed as he held out a cup of something to Steve.
Steve gladly took it and drank it greedily to spit it up when he realized it was piping hot coffee.
“Sonofabtich,” he swore underneath his breath.
Bruce laughed before shrugging. “I was going to warn you that it was hot coffee but you drank it before I could.” He sat down by him.
Steve stared at him for a second before shaking his head. “You still should have warned me.”
“Don’t cry over spilled milk. It happened.” Bruce took a drink of his, Steve assumed hot coffee, then turned back to Steve. “So, did you hear about the newest state to legalize gay marriage?”
Steve shrugged before taking off the coffee lid and blowing on it. “No.”
Bruce nodded his head before turning away. They watched in silence as Bucky played with a dog he volunteered to walk and play with for therapy reasons.
Bucky hadn’t slept all that night along with Steve. First was the nightmare that scared Bucky awake screaming bloody murder then came the fight between him and Steve when he didn’t recognize Steve right away. Then there was the apologizing then crying as Bucky tried to explain himself and Steve tried to explain that it was alright.
They had played cards all night to keep the nightmares at bay. Bucky seemed fine this morning when they got the dog and now he was even laughing and playing with the dog with a carefree manner.
Steve may have the super soldier serum but even he needed sleep and he was nearing his breaking point.
“Why don’t you guys ever talk about it?”
Steve yawned wide then shook his head to keep the cobwebs at bay. “Talk about what?”
Bruce shrugged. “Why don’t you two talk about the fact that you two like each other?”
Steve froze at his words. He didn’t know what to do or say. He thought he was being so careful at hiding his feelings for Bucky and now he learned everyone and the world knew and-
“Stop thinking so loud. I can hear your thoughts all the way over here.” Bruce chuckled before saying. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
Steve bristled at that. “I’m not ashamed of anything.”
Bruce turned to him and raised an eyebrow.
Steve squirmed underneath his gaze and took a sip of coffee to do something. “I love Bucky okay? But I know him and he doesn’t swing for my team or however that phrase goes.”
Bruce stared at him hard for a second longer before looking back at Bucky. Steve didn’t know why Bruce came with him and Bucky during these sessions. He never petted the dogs and all he did was sit next to Steve. They sometimes talked but not always. Steve thought he got lonely and wanted company but with Bruce no one ever really knew.
“You guys are idiots by the way.”
Steve bristled again at that and opened his mouth to say something but Bruce beat him to it.
“You should just go over there and make the guys day, hell life even, and admit that you think about him in his undiewear.” Bruce turned to him and said with a small smile. “I dare the great Captain America to do so.”
Steve glared at him before putting his coffee down on the ground. “Fine, but it’s not going to end well and I’m going to blame you for the fall out.”
Bruce raised up his hands. “Duly noted.”
Steve glared at him before looking over at Bucky. He took a determined step before Bucky looked up and he stopped in his tracks. Bucky smiled and waved to him before going back to petting Lucy. Steve didn’t know what to do because Bucky had smiled for the first time in days and it lit up his whole face. He looked so much like he did before the war that it punched the air out of his lungs.
“I thought you were going to say something to him, Cap?”
Steve shook his head and turned to snap at Bruce when he noticed a familiar figure in the sky. If he sighed in relief when Tony touched down and told them they were needed he would deny it to his dying day.
Bruce just looked at him over his glasses before shaking his head.
Bucky was left by himself and Steve and the others left to defend the world once again.
*
Bucky walked slowly and awkwardly down with Tony down to his lab. He didn’t know what was happening and why Tony asked him to come down here but he was nervous. Tony had never asked him to go down to his lab, actually he was very vocal in the fact that he didn’t want him anywhere near the Tower but Steve had been stubborn and he was allowed to live with him.
Tony had worked on his arm and even made some adjustments to it when Bucky had first came on board. Most of the adjustments helped his arm be more of a prosthetic like it should have been rather then the weapon it was. Bucky didn’t care at the time since he figured he was going to be punished anyway before being wiped again.
They didn’t do that and that had really blown his mind and messed with his conscious.
“Stop thinking so much I can hear you from here.”
He stopped himself from saying sorry. He knew he hadn’t done anything wrong but sometimes when Tony used a certain tone he always felt like he had to apologize for existing. He wasn’t sure if Tony knew that he did that but he wasn’t going to say anything no matter what Steve told him about talking about his feelings.
He grunted instead and hoped it would be enough.
Tony scoffed then turned around as the doors to his lab opened behind him. “Not feeling like a chatterbox today, eh, Pipe-Eye? Didn’t seem that way when you were talking to ol’ Star Spangle Banner earlier.”
Bucky didn’t know what to say to that. Yeah, he was talking to Steve like he normally would but that was Steve. He’d always been a special case with Bucky. Plus, Tony made him nervous. Sometimes it was the unnerving way how similar he was to Howard and sometimes it was the stark contrast he was to Howard that made him uneasy. Sometimes it was just Tony’s attitude in general. It also didn’t help that he knew that Stark didn’t like him.
He looked around and some small piece of him relaxed when he saw that the lab looked nothing like Hydra’s did. It was messy in the chaotic way that was pure Tony Stark yet was still functional and technology loaded to look impressive. Mostly it reminded him of the garages he used to hang out in when he had nothing to do and Steve was too sick to play and Sarah shooed him away.
It was all unnerving yet so similar that it was taking his senses for a loop. He jumped in surprise when a robot, he was still getting used to there being robots for everyday use in everyday life, started up and moved towards him and Tony. He stayed stock still as the thing rolled past him and looked almost questioningly at Tony.
Tony just rolled his eyes before pushing the robot away. “Dum-e don’t give me that. You’re the one who screwed up earlier not me.”
The robot made a sad noise before its head went straight down to the floor then it rolled itself pitifully back where it had come.
Tony laughed before shaking his head and looking at him. “He’s a drama queen. Don’t pay any attention to him. He’ll be fine.” Tony walked over to a work benched and stared at Bucky before beckoning him over. “Come on, I have something to say and if I don’t say it now I’ll chicken out and I’ll never hear the end of it from Pepper.”
Bucky didn’t know how to take that but he went over to Tony. He stayed at his right side and made sure he could see him at all times. He didn’t know how to explain this to anyone but making sure everyone knew where he was at all times was a courtesy he felt he needed to give people. He didn’t want to be unseen or unheard anymore and he didn’t want to scare people anymore. Being seen at all times reminded people that not only was he there but it reminded him as well.
Tony looked at him then down at the table then back at him. He fidgeted with his fingers tapping away on the table before blowing out a breath and turning to Bucky with a smile.
“Look, it’s not my place to tell you anything about what you and Steve do on your own time but I, and pretty much everyone else, would like you to know that it’s fine. That all of it is fine and that you don’t have to hide anything from us and we’ll hug you and do all this kumbaya stuff if you need to but-“
Bucky raised up a hand and shook his head because he was having a hard time figuring out anything that was coming out of Tony’s mouth. “What are you talking about?”
Tony opened his mouth then closed it before blowing out another breath. “This was not how the conversation was supposed to go.” He got up and went over to some sort of device thing and picked it up and starting playing with it. “I was supposed to tell you that it was fine that you and Steve are a thing and that none of us care and we are here for you if you need us and you’d be all warm and fuzzy that we care so much but,” he looked up at him and scrutinized him, “You look confused and I don’t know where I lost you and why was I picked to tell you of all people? I’m not good at all this emotional stuff yet they told me to tell you while they tell Steve and-“
Bucky waved his hand around finally silencing Tony. He looked around the room in confusion as if asking an invisible audience for help before turning back to Tony.
Tony laughed for a second before saying, “Wow. Steve told me you could be animated, but I didn’t believe him. I should stop doing that and take his word for gospel.”
Bucky shook his head and sat down on the table. He looked up to see if Tony cared but Tony’s face didn’t even flinch. He stayed on it then ran his metal hand through his hair. “Okay first, always question Steve because he maybe Captain America but he’s still Steve Rogers who makes mistakes like the rest of us Plebeians. Second, who is this we and why do you guys think me and Steve are in a relationship?”
Tony pursed his lips before asking, “So, you’re not in a relationship with Cap?”
Bucky shook his head vigorously. “No, now answer my-“
Tony got up fast and patted him on the shoulder before saying, “Thank you for answering my question. I thought a roundabout way would work be faster than asking you straight up so thank you.” He went over to his robot, Dum-e, and started spouting out science jargon and commands.
Bucky was so lost. “What the hell was that all about?”
Tony stopped and hmmm’d at him for a second before aha’ing and clapping his hands. “The rest of us, being me, Natasha, Clint, Sam, Bruce, and Thor and others who will be unnamed all were wondering if you and Capsicle were doing the horizontal tango and now that I know you’re not I can finally have some peace now that everyone will stop gossiping about you two.” He grabbed a screwdriver and pointed at him. “And by the way, the whole emotional crap wasn’t all crap and we fully support you and Cap in whatever you guys feel like doing with yourselves all the way. Now if you could escort yourself out with the help of JARVIS I have some things to do before I break the news to everyone.”
Tony made a shooing motion before turning his back to him and started to do something that Bucky didn’t understand.
Bucky was speechless and completely lost but gave up on getting anything more out of Stark when Stark flipped him off and asked JARVIS to blast some AC/DC.
Bucky shook his head and left the lab not knowing what was going on or what the others were thinking that him and Steve could be anything more than friends. He stopped and he almost had a panic attack at the realization that maybe he wasn’t being all that discreet with his feelings and Steve knew and was pretending he didn’t recognize his feelings to not make him feel awkward.
He knew he didn’t have to look up at the ceiling but it helped him when he did. “JARVIS?”
“Yes, Bucky?”
“Is it that obvious I like Steve?”
The robot took a moment to answer which did not make Bucky feel any better. “From what the others have said about you and Mr. Rogers it would seem obvious but from what I can tell Mr. Rogers doesn’t realize your affections.”
Bucky felt like he could finally breathe. “Good. Okay. Good. Thank you, JARVIS.”
“You’re welcome, sir. And if I could be impertinent, sir?”
Bucky was curious about how a robot could even be impertinent. “Yeah, JARVIS?”
“To be honest, sir, Mr. Rogers feels the same way and if you don’t take action soon someone, like Mrs. Sharon Carter, will try to take his affections away from you.”
Bucky could only stare in confusion at the wall. “Are all robots so meddling?”
“No, sir, but I did warn you my question was impertinent.”
Bucky laughed before walking to the elevator. “So, you did JARVIS. So, you did.”
He didn’t know what was going on with everyone else but maybe the meddling robot was right. Maybe he did have a chance of Steve liking him back.
He laughed at that.
“Sir?”
“Nothing JARVIS. I was just laughing because they were wondering if Steve and I were a thing when Tony could have waited just a few minutes for me to say things to Steve and then maybe we could have been a thing.” He laughed again before looking up at the ceiling and smiling, “And thank you for helping me.”
“My pleasure, sir.”
*
“You make me sick you know that?”
Steve looked up from his drawing and rolled his eyes at Clint. “Oh, god not you too?”
Clint jumped on the counter and folded his arms in a very pissed off way. “I just lost a hundred bucks because you and cyborg boy can’t gather up the balls to play with each other’s balls.”
Steve scowled and moved away from Clint. “I am not having this conversation with you.”
Clint moved over and blocked Steve’s way with his legs. “Nope we’re having this conversation right now because I’m done with losing money over you two egg heads.”
Steve tried to barrel through him but Clint was set in his position.
“You two egg heads obviously want to bone each other while talking about how much you love each other and all that crap so why don’t you just confess your feelings already and get on with it?”
Steve glared at Clint before using all his strength to finally move Clint’s stubborn legs. “I told you I’m not talking about this.”
Clint walked after him and said behind him, “We all know you like him and I know that deep inside that stupid skull of yours you do too so grow a pair and tell him.”
Steve was at his door and turned around and glared hard at Clint. Clint actually took a step back and visibly gulped.
“It is none of your business on how I handle my feelings towards anyone. You nor anyone else will pressure me into talking them out just because you don’t have the decency to not put wagers on someone’s life. Now leave me alone.”
Clint raised up his hands and saluted him before saying, “Yes, Captain,” before leaving in a rush.
Steve glared at his disappearing figure before going into his room and slamming it shut. He flung his pencil and sketch pad onto the bed before going over to the window and glared out of it.
He clenched and unclenched his fists several times trying to calm down but finally after the tenth time doing it he realized he wasn’t going to calm down any time soon. He closed his eyes then put his head on the cool window. The coolness of his window reminded him that Bucky was out running with Darcy because she wanted to try to start exercising and unfortunately Bucky had been the one she picked for her running buddy.
He had no idea how they were doing but he hoped Bucky was okay.
He took in a deep breath before looking over at his bed at the sketch pad. He slowly went over and gathered it up. He flipped it open until he was to the page he was working on.
It had started as a simple sketch but then it took a life of its own as he first drew pre-war Bucky smiling and laughing like he remembered him then he drew the Winter Soldier cold and distant and shaded in lots of gray shadows. Then on the side there was Bucky now. Smiling but shy as he waved at someone in the distance in a hoody and a sloppy bun in his hair.
He was going to show Bucky this and explain to him how this was him. How all three of these guys were him and how he loved each and every one of them. He wanted to take Bucky’s human hand and look him in the eyes and tell him that he was with him til the end of the line and beyond because he never wanted to be away from Bucky ever in this life or the next. They both had enough of that.
He looked at the picture and scoffed before tearing it out and crumpling it up. It was a stupid idea and a stupid sketch.
He would find another way to tell Bucky, he swore to himself as he launched the crumpled paper into the waste basket, and it would be perfect and not dumb like this idea.
If only he could figure out what he wanted to do.
*
Bucky was tired. Darcy had said she had wanted to run but she had given up ten minutes into the run and had instead recruited him as her bag holder as she shopped for him and for her. He didn’t know what half the stuff that was coming out of her mouth or why he had to try on so many clothes but even in his confusion he was okay. He felt relaxed and actually accepted. He didn’t have to say anything but acknowledge what she said and Darcy was a-okay. He really liked Darcy and wished she visited more rather than when Thor decided to pop in.
He massaged the skin between his skin and metal arm. It didn’t really bother him, the metal arm, but sometimes, like after carrying around twenty heavy bags, it started to bug him. He sighed and played around with his shoulder for a second before grabbing his bags (four out of the twenty Darcy really liked to shop once she realized that she could take Thor’s Stark card and shop with it since neither Jane nor Thor noticed those things at all) and headed to his and Steve’s room.
He knocked lightly on the door trying to figure out if Steve was still awake or not. At the silence that answer him Steve was either asleep or out somewhere. He opened the door and found the truth to be the former. Steve was snoring away in the middle of the bed in an entanglement of blankets.
He smiled and walked over to the closet and put the bags right outside it so he would remember to put them away in the morning. He slowly started to strip out of his clothes and into just his underwear when he noticed something. Steve didn’t like a completely dark room and always left the blinds opened to let the light from the city light up the room. Even from all the way up here the room was lit enough that Bucky could see something right by the waste basket. He tilted his head and went over to see what it was.
When he got close enough he saw that it was actually a piece of drawing paper. He looked at Steve then picked up the paper. Steve never wasted paper and the fact he threw away something must mean it had to be something bad.
He looked at Steve again then went into their bathroom. He closed the door then turned on the light hoping the door and hoped the light didn’t wake Steve up. He went over to the toilet and closed it before sitting down on it. He looked at the door listening to see if Steve was moving around before looking back at the crumpled up piece of paper. With one deep almost guilty breath he slowly unfurled the paper. He didn’t look at the picture right away as he smoothed out the paper to the best of his ability then he looked at the picture.
He didn’t understand. The picture he saw was the best Steve had ever drawn. It was him, all three people he had been and had become. He touched the picture with his metal hand so it wouldn’t smear the pencil and didn’t understand why Steve would throw this away. He traced the lines of the drawing and wondered if this is how Steve thought of him.
He laughed because how could anyone see him other than a dirty weapon?
But as he looked longer at this drawing he was wondering if what JARVIS had told him held any truth and maybe if he just asked he could have everything he ever wanted.
*
Steve snored himself awake (he knew he was tired because he only snored now when he was bone deep tired). He shook his head against the pillows then laid his head back down. He tried to go back to sleep but something was nagging him. He sighed then put his entire face against the sheets and smelt them before bringing up his head and look around.
His eyes landed on Bucky and he smiled and waved at him. Bucky smiled and waved back before looking down at his lap.
Steve tilted his head and squinted sleepily at Buck trying to figure out why he was sitting at their desk rather than the bed. He couldn’t figure it out and face planted back into the sheets before asking, “What are you doing?”
Bucky laughed and Steve smiled into the sheets. He turned towards Bucky then stretched his back. He groaned as his back popped. He smirked at Bucky’s disgusted frown (it had always bothered him when he popped his back.) then roughly threw himself up. He crossed his legs and rubbed his eyes hoping to rub the sleep away before yawning again.
Bucky laughed at him and Steve just stared at him in question. Bucky shook his head. “You’ve always made a spectacle of waking up you know?”
Steve stared longer at Bucky before shrugging and yawning again. “Whatever.”
He rolled around his neck for a few seconds before staring at Bucky again. “You didn’t answer my question.” He paused. “I think. Wait did you answer my question when I was waking up?”
Bucky guffawed real loud that Steve had to shush him. He shook his head with a smile. “No, you big lug, I didn’t answer your question. I was waiting until you were functional to answer.”
Steve nodded with his own smile before rolling his hands in a go on motion. “Come on, don’t keep me waiting.”
He stopped smiling when Bucky’s fell and looked down to his lap. This time Steve got to see what was in Bucky’s lap and his stomach plummeted. It was his drawing. He wanted to curse because he remembered vaguely that he didn’t make the waste basket but he promised himself that he was going to pick it up before he went to bed but it was obvious that he hadn’t. He looked at Bucky and bit his lip in nervousness. He opened his mouth to say something when Bucky interrupted him.
“Do you like me Steve? And I know you know that I mean more than just friends. I mean,” Bucky softly played with the edges of the paper and sighed, “Do you like me like lovers do?”
Steve didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what would be the right thing. He couldn’t get a read on Bucky to know if lying would be the best thing or if the truth would finally set him free. When the silence stretched out too long Steve finally made a decision.
“Yeah, I like you the way lovers do, Buck.”
Bucky whole body seemed to freeze up and Steve’s heart beat picked up.
Fuck, did he just mess up? Did he just ruin everything? What was Bucky thinking? Was he disgusted? Would he leave him? Would-?
“I like you the way lovers do, Steve. I’ve kind of always liked you in that way.”
Bucky looked up at him and shrugged with a self-conscious shrug. “What about you?”
Steve looked down at his hands and shrugged. “I don’t know. I think I’ve always loved you but I didn’t realize it until after the train.” He gulped down the frog in his throat.
Bucky was silent for a long time. Steve didn’t know what to do as he stared hard at his hands. Before he could freak out even more at the memories of the fall Bucky had come to the bed and had sat next to him. He grabbed his hand with his metal one and squeezed. The cold of his hand brought Steve back to the present and if his smile and eyes were a bit watery Bucky didn’t say anything.
“Want to watch House tonight?”
Steve was kind of shocked by the question yet he wasn’t. They had always downplayed their emotions, love confessions wouldn’t be any different.
“Yeah,” he nodded his head, “that would be nice.”
Bucky nodded his head and got up to get the House DVD out. They had barely started watching it but Steve was already fascinated with Gregory House and Bucky was amazed at the medical sleuthing House did.
When Bucky got the DVD going and turned off the light on the desk he got into bed. He looked over at Steve and they stared at each other awkwardly before he held up his arms. Steve smiled and took the invitation and spooned up against Bucky. He shivered as Bucky’s metal arm touched his skin but he didn’t say anything about it.
They watched the episode in silence and Steve’s heart was only slightly pounding but soon Bucky’s hand was starting to drift lower down his stomach. Steve couldn’t help the hitch in his breath nor the tightening of his stomach when Bucky started to do slow circles down his stomach and around the edge of his pajama pants.
He shivered as Bucky whispered in his ear, “Do you want me to go lower, Steve?”
His mouth was dry when he nodded, the House episode totally forgotten.
He could feel the smirk on Bucky’s lips as Bucky went underneath his pajama pants and underwear. Bucky continued his slow and frustrating circles on his skin as he went lower and lower and-
His breath catches as Bucky grabbed a handful of his almost hard dick.
“Do you want this Steve?”
Steve nodded his head but Bucky shook his. “No, tell me Steve. Do you want this?” Steve couldn’t take it anymore and he turned his head and kissed this insane man awkwardly over his shoulder then growled at a smirking Bucky, “Yes, damn you.”
Bucky didn’t need to be told twice as he started to rub his metal hand down then up Steve’s rock hard shaft. The contrast of Bucky’s colder but not freezing hand against his hot skin slowly started to drive Steve mad the faster Bucky started to pump. The slickness of Bucky’s hands was making him go crazy. He bucked into Bucky’s hand wanted more and more.
The moment his butt rubbed against Bucky’s obvious and pronounced hard on Steve couldn’t take it anymore. He grabbed onto Bucky’s hand stopping him then flipped himself around until he was on top of Bucky. He stared at Bucky for just one second memorizing this moment before he attacked Bucky’s lips with his own.
Bucky gave as good as he got and grabbed onto Steve’s hair and controlled the kiss making Steve’s blood boil hotter. Steve needed more and he palmed Bucky’s hard cock through his underwear making Bucky moan and gasp into their kiss. Steve stopped kissing him and went down quickly down Bucky’s torso before simply ripping off Bucky’s underwear off.
Bucky tried making a clever quip about that but was silence when Steve took him in one big swallow. Steve found it awesome that his lack of gag reflex was finally coming in handy when Bucky pulled hard on his hair with the most needy and sexy moan he had heard from anyone.
Steve sucked and swallowed and swirled his tongue around Bucky’s cock so masterfully and so beautifully Bucky didn’t want to know how he knew how to do that. He just wanted him to keep doing it. He wasn't going to last long he knew and when Steve licked the slit at the tip then swallowed him whole he couldn’t handle it any longer and came hard in Steve’s mouth. Steve swallowed his cum and even kept sucking him through his orgasm.
Bucky pulled him up and kissed him hard on the mouth not caring that he tasted himself in Steve’s mouth. He pulled back and decided that giving back was the best thing he could do.
Steve didn’t complain.
*
The rest of the Avengers just knew the next day something happened. Clint proudly proclaimed it was his doing that the two numbskulls finally got together but no one paid him any heed. Everyone was just glad that Steve and Bucky finally got together, Tony more since he was done with all the Steve and Bucky gossip.
Now if only Stark could get the two love birds out long enough to sound proof their room.