Work Text:
yoongi watched with tired eyes and fascination painted across his face as the sun danced across his pale skin, a golden pattern scattered across milky planes shifting when the wind would brush through the thin white curtains that jeongguk had insisted on getting because they reminded him of some artistic movie he’d once seen. in addition to the curtains, jeongguk had also decorated the rest of their apartment— canvas after canvas that jeongguk had spent hours pouring his soul onto were hung around the walls, all their furniture was old and slightly odd, but they liked it that way. it has personality, jeongguk would say with his honey soaked voice followed by a sugar sweet giggle that made yoongi swallow all of his protests and just go along with whatever grandma piece of furniture the younger wanted.
yoongi lazily let his hand wander to the other side of the bed, his hand gliding over the untouched, cold sheets. compared to the warmth yoongi felt, bundled up in the thick blankets and one of jeongguk’s large white sweaters that practically fit him like a dress, the other side was like autumn, freezing and windy— dull. yoongi wasn’t mad about it though, jeongguk was just like that. the younger would come twirling through with soft touches and sunshine eyes and leave everything looking dull and lifeless in his absence. yoongi’s brows furrowed and his lips protruded in a pout once the conscious part of his brain caught up enough to process the cold, and empty spot beside him. he rolled over with a groan, burying his face further into the pillow letting himself bask in the fading scent of warmth, bourbon and vanilla that jeongguk brought with him everywhere he went.
the cold from the left side of the bed was seemingly catching up to him, creeping in under the sheets and wrapping his body in thin layers of ice, making shivers run down his spine. the golden patterns on his skin had been blocked out by the sudden clouds traveling across the sky, and the raven-haired man sat up with a huff. he blinked a couple of times, a dull headache adding pressure on his head. he looked around the room, frowning at the many bourbon bottles scattered around the room— and oh, maybe that was where the strong scent came from. most of them were still full, but with the caps screwed off, letting the smell of liquor seep into the air of the bedroom. yoongi rubbed his eyes, desperately wracking his brain for any recollection of what had happened last night, but he came up blank.
yoongi quickly grabbed his phone that laid uncharged and down to two percent battery on his night table, next to a pack of cigarettes. yoongi had promised jeongguk to never smoke again, and he’d done good. he’d stayed away from the so called cancer sticks for years, preferring the taste of jeongguk’s lips over the taste of bitter smoke. must’ve been the alcohol. yoongi quickly pressed his home button, wincing at his lock screen lit up with a badly taken, quite blurry photo of him and jeongguk. jeongguk’s arms were wrapped around yoongi’s waist, his chin resting on the shorter man’s shoulder, and his eyes were shining with joy while yoongi was glaring at the camera, a small hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. it was jeongguk’s favorite picture, and for that reason alone, yoongi had made it his lock screen.
he sloppily unlocked his phone, quickly dialing up the number that he knew by heart. he listened the phone ring, one obnoxious beep after the other, one making the older more and more irritated. yoongi had lectured the younger in the importance of answering his phone so many times and yet it was still a miracle when the younger would actually respond.
“sorry, i can’t come to the phone right now, however it’s ok because i’m jk,” yoongi frowned and rolled his eyes at the younger’s bright and chirpy voice booming out from his phone speakers, immediately pulling the device away from his ear, “leave a message!”
yoongi sighed, hitting the end call button before throwing his phone lazily on the bed. the raven-haired man sat in a comfortable silence, his eyes glancing at the mess their bedroom had become. yoongi’s clothes was discarded everywhere from when he got home late from the studio. it was usually jeongguk who cleaned everything up, insisting that he liked caring for the older whenever yoongi would protest and say that he (a grown man) could clean up after himself. yoongi glanced at the clock, before carrying himself to the bathroom connected to their bedroom. the bright lights of the bedroom only made his headache pound harder, before he glanced at himself in the mirror.
he was quite a sight. his hair was tousled from sleep, dark circles blooming underneath his eyes. his (jeongguk’s) shirt was stained and his skin had taken a slight green tinge to it— he was surprised jeongguk let him walk around like that. the younger was usually so persistent, always forcing the elder to step out of his clothes and get into his comfy clothes before hitting face first onto the mattress. jeongguk was the one who made him pop out his contacts before falling asleep, jeongguk was the one who left medication and water on his night table for the inevitable hangover that always followed yoongi’s nights out. he turned on the water, splashing his face with the ice cold water hoping that it would make his face return to its normal color— jeongguk would worry if he came out looking like that. jeongguk would worry and fuss, and despite yoongi enjoying the attention (in secret) he never liked to worry the younger, downright hated when the sad frown would slowly migrate onto his face, replacing the bunny smile that usually played on his lips.
when he deemed himself presentable, he stepped out of the bathroom, a smile instantly gracing his featured when he heard clattering of pots and pans in the kitchen. throwing one last look at himself in the full body mirror, he hurriedly opened the door and walked at a quick pace down the hall towards the kitchen. the walls of the hall were decorated with even more art pieces of jeongguk’s, all of them with a different motive and a different feeling but all so amazingly jeongguk that yoongi couldn’t help but love them.
“goodmor— fuck, jeongguk-ah, didn’t i tell you to stop leaving your stuff on the floor!” yoongi exclaimed when he almost tripped over a slightly unstable looking stack of canvasses, barely managing to stumble around it. jeongguk’s expensive canvasses were saved, however yoongi bumped directly into one of their small decorative tables, knocking the vase on top of it on the floor, the loud crash going straight to yoongi’s headache. yoongi heard a light gasp and the soft pattering of footsteps running towards him and fixed his glare towards the doorway to the kitchen, ready to shoot his best death stare when seokjin’s head popped out instead of jeongguk’s, eyes wide. yoongi’s brows furrowed and he opened his mouth in confusion, suddenly feeling very exposed in jeongguk’s shirt and bare legs. seokjin didn’t seem to care though, rushing forward with his usual motherly expression on his face.
“yoongi,” he scolded, stepping carefully around the broken vase, grabbing onto yoongi’s arms to steady the raven-haired man who had in the meantime braced himself on the table. yoongi merely stared at the older. yoongi couldn’t remember much from last night, but it wasn’t unthinkable that he could’ve gone drinking with seokjin. or maybe namjoon, and seokjin had come to take care of them. it wasn’t the first time that namjoon and yoongi had gotten wasted, crashing at yoongi and jeongguk’s place only to later be smacked by seokjin for worrying him and never texting him where they went. no, it wasn’t unlikely, but it wasn’t seokjin’s presence that threw yoongi off— it was the pity in his big brown eyes. it was the sadness that swam in those deep eyes of his hyung, the pity and the worry that yoongi had known the man for too long to miss, “you need to be careful.”
“where’s jeongguk-ah?” yoongi mumbled out, slightly confused as seokjin dragged him towards the couch. seokjin only looked at him with a soft smile before sighing, going back to the kitchen where yoongi could now see he’d been cleaning a pile of dishes that had stacked up in their sink. yoongi watched in confusion, but accepted the hot mug of coffee that seokjin placed in front of him. it wasn’t just their bedroom that was a mess— jeongguk’s painting equipment was scattered around the floor, canvasses thrown around on the floor, some of them bended and broken. some of the pencils that yoongi knew were the younger’s favorite were snapped in half, his sketch books were ripped apart and thrown around the floor. yoongi looked around in worry, his brows furrowed and his eyes wide. what the hell happened last night?
“yoongi, you need to take better care of yourself,” seokjin said with a sigh, disappointment and worry laced into his voice and yoongi felt his heart racing in a panic, his palms going clammy, his eyes flickering around wildly. seokjin only smiled, grabbing onto his hands before gesturing to the stained clothing he was wearing, “why don’t you go clean yourself up and get ready, yoon? we have to leave soon.”
yoongi sighed, looking down at himself and then back at seokjin’s stern expression. confusion was still clouding his mind, but he chose to not question the elder, instead walking back down to the bedroom, carefully stepping around the broken vase. on the way back to his bedroom everything had gotten duller. jeongguk’s paintings seemed less lively, the furniture that used to speak so many stories from the many weird thrift stores jeongguk had found them at were now deadly silent, and the mess in yoongi’s bedroom seemed much more chaotic. why wasn’t it cleaned up? jeongguk always cleaned up, the younger was a neat freak— to the point where he sorted out his socks in colors.
yoongi rushed to the bed, grabbing onto his phone once more but now the lock screen glaring up at him only left him with chills and an uncomfortable ache growing in his chest. he dialed the one number he knew by heart, and listened to the phone ring and ring, growing more and more frustrated.
“sorry, i can’t come to the phone right now, however it’s ok because i’m jk,” yoongi groaned, pressing end call before jeongguk could tell him to leave a message. he was going to kick his ass later for not picking up his phone, that was for sure. with one last glare at his phone, he turned around to do what seokjin had told him to. as yoongi entered the shower, he was once again met by something odd. the children shampoo with the strawberry scent that jeongguk always used were thrown by the trash, leaving only yoongi’s bath products in the shower. yoongi hurriedly picked up the bottles, ignoring the gnawing at his heart as he quickly popped the cap open, finding comfort in the artificial strawberry scent that immediately filled the room. yoongi used all of jeongguk’s products. he knew that the younger would tease him endlessly for it, but something about the strawberry scent and jeongguk’s shaving cream and jeongguk’s body wash and just jeongguk’s stuff brought a wave of calmness over him that he needed after the strange morning he’d had.
once he got out of the shower, he felt slightly better. he was gonna get ready, meet seokjin and then they’d go to wherever they had to go that yoongi had forgotten, and there he’d meet jeongguk and whoop his ass for not picking up his phone. yoongi hurriedly dried off his hair, quickly spraying some of jeongguk’s cologne on his neck. he walked out of the bathroom only to find seokjin, rummaging through his drawers. he picked out one of yoongi’s only suits and handed it out towards yoongi. yoongi looked at it in confusion before taking the clothes. seokjin looked almost shaken up, his hand covering his nose as if he couldn’t bear the artificial strawberry scent but jeongguk had used this for years. the younger always smelled like it. seokjin eyes were glazed over and pained as he hurried out of their bedroom to give yoongi peace to change.
when yoongi had finally gotten into the suit, and exited the room. seokjin was standing by the door, ready to leave, dressed in an equally fancy suit. yoongi followed the older out of their apartment, ignoring the sudden tension that was stretched between the two of them. he ignored the way seokjin’s smiles looked so strained, and ignored the way it looked like the older hadn’t slept in days— almost like he himself had looked when he’d first looked in the mirror that morning. yoongi fiddled with his hands in his lap as seokjin drove down the road, stopping in front of a familiar building. namjoon stepped out of the front door, seokjin stepping out to greet his boyfriend. the two shared a short kiss, and yoongi watched the two talk in hushed tones that he could only hear half of because of seokjin’s open door.
“how is he?”
“i don’t know, joon, he keeps asking where jeongguk is.”
namjoon glanced at yoongi, sending him a smile that yoongi knew wasn’t real. it didn’t reach his eyes and his dimples didn’t appear. yoongi squirmed in his seat feeling more and more uneasy as time went by, until the two finally came into the car. namjoon slipped into the backseat behind yoongi, his large hand resting on yoongi’s shoulder, “hey yoon, how’re you holding up?”
yoongi didn’t answer, opting to stare out the window at the trees passing by before he whipped his phone out once more, dialing up the same number, his hands shaking. he put the phone on speaker and waited as the phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing.
“sorry, i can’t come to the phone right now, however it’s ok because i’m jk! leave a message!”
seokjin let out a gasp, his head whipping in yoongi’s direction, staring down at the phone in his hands. namjoon was deadly quiet on the backseat, and yoongi let the beep tone ring out through the car. he didn’t leave a message, only sitting there in silence, refusing to hit the end call button until seokjin stopped the car, pulling up in front of the local church. it was the church that jeongguk had promised him they’d get married at one day. the three of them sat in the church for a while before any of them dared to unbuckle their seat belts, slowly moving out the car and with each step towards the church, it got harder and harder to breathe. the ground was shaking more and more with each pitiful look he got, with each gentle pat on the back he got, but it wasn’t until he was stood in front of a mocking picture of jeongguk smiling right back at him that the ground seemed to crumble, his knees giving out and tears clouding his vision.
he could feel arms wrapping around him and whispers that sounded like seokjin through his sobs, but it weren’t jeongguk’s arms and it weren’t jeongguk’s whispers, and he wanted jeongguk. yoongi dialed the number once more, with shaking hands, ignoring the protests from both namjoon and seokjin. he quickly clicked the numbers, listening to the phone ring, his sobs getting louder with each ring.
“sorry, i can’t come to the phone right now, however it’s ok—” before jeongguk could finish his sentence, yoongi threw his phone as far away from him as he could, letting himself crumble. he let out a hollow chuckle, as he slowly remembered the night before. how he’d gone out despite namjoon and seokjin telling him not to. how he’d denied company, only wanting the company of the eight bourbon bottles he’d bought in the local grocery store. he didn’t drink any of them, only opening them to let the scent of bourbon soak into the room, the scent of jeongguk linger onto the air that engulfed him. he grabbed jeongguk worn out and stained shirt from the floor and tucked it on, ignoring how dirty it was and how it smelled of jeongguk’s sweat because it was jeongguk’s work out shirt. he couldn’t help but chuckle when he remembered the fifty messages he left on jeongguk’s phone, couldn’t help but chuckle when he remembered that stupid pre-recorded message.
“sorry, i can’t come to the phone right now, however it’s ok because i’m jk,”
nothing is okay, nothing is okay, nothing is okay.
“leave a message!”