Chapter Text
“Percy, look at me.”
Percy raised his gaze from the bed and met the blue eyes that had been staring at him for the past five minutes. What did Jason want him to say?
“You can talk to me, you know. I won’t judge. Whatever that was… it’s okay. I’m here for you.”
Percy resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Jason might think that he was some perfect angel who could help everyone by just ‘talking about their feelings’ but the truth was, Percy didn’t feel the need to explain himself to anybody. Sure, he knew he wasn’t doing too hot, but that was his problem, not Jason’s.
Jason was sitting across from him on an unused bed. His cabin had way too many bunk beds, it only emphasized how lonely the place could be. He entertained himself by sleeping on a different bunk everyday. The one Jason was currently judging him on… that was last Friday, he thought. It had some lumps in it.
“I can tell you don’t want to talk about it, but it’s important. I’m still not even sure what happened.”
Percy shut his eyes, opened them again after flashes of that afternoon sneaked up on him. The way the dock had felt under his bare feet as he walked to its edge. The way blue water had reflected his face back at him as he stared into the depths.
He didn’t want to think about it. He was already embarrassed, and a little bit annoyed that someone had found him like that, and out of all people it had to have been Jason. He didn’t know much about the other teen, but he seemed like the type who liked to help. Not the type of person who Percy needed right now.
“I don’t want to make assumptions, but…”
But you’re going to, Percy thought. He could already see where this was headed, and that it was only another waste of time. He had spent a lot of time this summer wasting his time. His very presence in camp was him wasting his time.
“But I think I know what you’re going through.” Jason finished.
Percy stood up. He had heard enough.
“Do you? Do you know what it’s like to be absolutely unemployable? Because it turns out that people really don’t like to hire you when you have a record before you even graduate high school. Which I couldn’t even do. I had to scrape by the skin of my fucking teeth to get a GED, and it’s gotten me absolutely nowhere.”
“Do you know what it’s like to see all of your friends grow up and move on with their lives, while you just… sit there and try not still have another panic attack? Because I still have those! I thought that after all of this time, I’d be- not okay, but at least manageable, but I’m not. I had so many plans after Gaea was killed because I thought that it was over, and none of it even mattered. Annabeth and I broke up, high school went to shit. I have the chance to finally live my life the way I wanted to, and I CAN’T!” I can’t live my life!”
Jason took the yelling surprisingly well. He didn’t look angry, or even shocked. He sat there and listened. Percy hated it. He should be mad! Be mad at me, Percy thought.
“Percy, out of everyone here, I think I’m probably the person who understands what you’re going through the most. I know that I haven’t known you for very long, and we weren’t really that close on the quest, but I still think I know you. We’re similar, so similar that Hera chose us as the swap between camps. We both know what it’s like to grow up as a child of one of the Big Three. We’ve felt it’s weight everyday of our lives. I know how you feel!”
“Not just that. I know exactly what you're talking about when you say you feel like you don’t know what you want to do. Do you think I ever imagined myself where I am right now? Sure, I helped out building some relations between the two camps, but I have no idea what I’m supposed to do now! I always thought that I would live in New Rome as an training instructor after my time as Praetor ended, but now I don’t know. All of my dreams were built on the foundation on that monsters would try to eat me the second I left camp. Now? What do I do now?”
They were both standing up now, although Jason was still calm. He was shorter than Percy was, although he still managed to seem imposing just standing there. Percy could see the resemblance to his father. Anger surged within him. If Jason was going to try to match him, then he would throw it all out there. See how long the other boy lasted when he started talking about the worst shit in his life.
“I stopped Kronos from destroying the world and yet I still felt like I lost because I let dozens of campers die. I got punted into literal hell. Things kind of went downhill from there. I broke up with my girlfriend because it turns out that there IS such a thing as too much trauma. Or maybe it was the fact that every time she saw me, she imagined me at my worst moment while in Tartarus, slowly choking out a goddess with her own poison and tears. Maybe it was the smile on my face while I did it, because it felt nice giving Akhlys a taste of her own medicine. Maybe it was the fact that I couldn’t stop her nightmares because I was- and still am - having nightmares of my own. I couldn’t even be there for her when she needed me because I was- am- weak. I guess I’ll never know.”
Jason raised an eyebrow, as if to say ‘That all you got?’
“My mother gave me away when I was two, and she gave me to a literal wolf. I was literally raised by a wolf! I broke up with my girlfriend too! But it was because in the end, all we had were memories of things that never happened. Piper would mention things in passing, expecting me to remember the time we both got detention for doing a crazy stunt, but I never could remember it, because it never happened. I saw my friends and people I considered family die in the charge against Mt. Othrys, and I was the one who led that charge. You think I don’t know what it’s like to blame yourself for each and every death that happened under my command?”
“I was abused by my step father for years before I came to camp.”
Damn. Percy didn’t like telling people about that. He had hidden the finer details away from even Annabeth and Grover, and here he was spilling the beans to Jason Grace. It worked though. For the first time, Jason’s mask of calm poise cracked.
“Shit, Percy, I’m- I’m-”
Don't say sorry. You don’t even know me, Percy thought.
“I know that must have been hard on you. I’m sure Thalia told you, but our mother wasn’t exactly a peach either. Sometimes, I wonder how my life would have been different if I had stayed with her. From what Thalia’s told me, it would have been hell. I was only two when she gave me up, so I don’t have any real memories of her. But I don't care. Fuck her. She can go fuck herself for what she put Thalia through. It pisses me off that you went through that as well.”
Jason clenched his fist. Percy could see his knuckles going white. That was… different. No one had ever tried that tactic before. Jason hadn’t gone through the things he had, and yet… he knew the other boy could relate.
This was getting out of hand though. What was Jason’s tactic for somehow managing to avoid every pitfall Percy laid out? Was he really just that predictable? That pathetic?
He remembered the dock, the way he had felt as he had stared back at himself. The feeling of being an absolute failure had wormed its way into his brain and he couldn’t shake the feeling like he was holding his friends and family back. He knew it wasn’t rational, but he didn’t even care. The water was so inviting. He could just slip under the waves and disappear, and live out the rest of his dumb life underwater.
The job search was going terribly. He had been rejected from nearly every business in the city of New York, even the programs specifically geared towards actual ex convicts. His record followed him like a ghost, always scaring off anyone who dug into his background. He had been rejected from nearly every public college as well.
That wasn’t even mentioning the fact that he had absolutely no idea what he wanted to do in the first place. He had considered a path involving aquatic animals or something, but while he had an intrinsic grasp over biology, it wasn’t something he could put into words. He had no affinity for memorizing all of the complicated medicines and chemicals that came with the job. His dyslexia was worse than ever, and it was getting to the point where people must have thought he couldn’t read at all.
He had been staring at the water. A droplet fell. It must have begun to rain, he had thought. It had been cloudy all day, and the clouds above were darkening, ready to deliver their payload onto the camp. Another droplet fell. His cheek felt wet. It didn’t make sense for it to be the rain though, his head was tilted downward towards the water. He wiped at his face, feeling the moisture. He was crying, he realized.
He hadn’t even realized he was crying. The thought rang through him, darkening his mood even more. Was it really that bad already? Pathetic.
“Percy?”
Percy looked up, quickly rubbing at his eyes. Jason stood there at the start of the dock, looking concerned. He had seen.
“Are you okay?”
Stupid question, Percy thought, although he knew the other boy was just worried about someone he knew. Does it look like I’m okay?
“Yeah, I’m fine, sorry if I worried you!” He called back, turning away from Jason to look out at the lake. He had to keep rubbing his eyes to keep any more tears from falling.
It was a shitty lie, so easy to see through he might as well have not even bothered, and yet, it had been working. The other campers knew he was feeling like utter crap, but still kept their distance. He wasn’t sure if it was from confidence that he could get through whatever it was he was going through on his own, or an unwillingness on their part to get involved. There were people who tried to check on him, like Piper, Travis, Conner, Katie, even Clarisse and Malcolm, and he was sure the latter two disliked him.
He heard footsteps on the old, creaky dock. Of course, Jason wouldn’t leave it alone. He didn’t want to talk though. Percy moved to step off the dock and into the water when a hand grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. Percy shrugged the hand off and tried again. This time, two arms wrapped around his midsection and pulled him clean off his feet.
He squirmed in the grip, trying to break away. Jason only continued to bear hug him harder.
“Jason, put me down!” He shouted, not caring if other people were going to stare. What did Jason think he was doing?
Jason carried him off of the dock. Okay, at least he’ll put me down now, Percy thought. Jason didn’t. He continued carrying Percy off of the dock and all of the way back to the cabins. If he wasn’t so frustrated, Percy was sure he would have been impressed at the blonde’s strength. Jason carried him all of the way back to the Poseidon cabin, only dropping him once they reached the landing. He kept a firm arm around Percy as he opened the door and guided them both inside.
Percy was sure half of the camp must have seen them. His face grew heated as he thought of what they must have thought. Percy must have finally snapped, they would think. Maybe they were right.
Percy sat back down on the bunk. He couldn’t think of anything else to throw at Jason. What was the point? It seemed like the other teen had an answer for every horrid thing Percy told him, an experience to match. He knew that they had their similarities, but it was becoming embarrassingly obvious now.
Jason sat down too, this time on the same bunk as Percy. He pulled Percy into another one armed hug. Percy froze. What was he supposed to do about this? He didn’t pull away, but he didn’t hug back either. He just let the other boy hold him. It was slightly nice.
When Percy had made the decision to come back to camp, he had forgotten that most of his closest friends weren’t going to be there. Nico was busy roaming the country for demigods with his boyfriend Will. Thalia was off with the Hunters, although Percy wasn’t really sure what they did now that Artemis was stuck on Olympus. Annabeth was in London at a prestigious architect school. The woman had led the reconstruction of Olympus, and she still thought she needed schooling. He could never do something like that. Grover was off saving the planet.
That left him. Yes, he did have people he could talk to at camp, but not like he could talk to those four. The people who he knew, and knew him the best. By the time he realized it, it was already too late to back out. He might as well spend the summer at camp. His mother had practically begged him to go back. She knew that he wasn’t doing well. He couldn’t let her down like this too.
So this was nice, he thought. He finally talked to someone, really talked to them. It felt like a small weight had been taken off of his shoulders. He was still carrying a full load, but every little bit helped. He leaned into the hug, just a little bit.
When he was ready to say what he needed to say, he broke out of the hug. He faced Jason head on, and extended a hand out to the boy. Jason looked at it in confusion but took it anyways. Jason's hand was rough, probably from a lifetime of sword fighting. He wondered how the other boy must have felt about all of this.
----
“What is this?” Jason asked, while shaking Percy’s hand for just a little bit too long.
“Uh, first stop shaking my hand, it’s awkward now,” Percy said, extracting his hand from Jason’s. “What I was going to say was that you were a little right. I needed this, and I guess you did too. I haven’t had someone to talk to in a while, so… thank you.”
Jason smiled, glad for Percy, and also glad for himself. He couldn’t get over the feeling of gratitude that he had finally found someone who he could relate to. The last two years had been incredibly rewarding, but in a way, he had never felt more alone. It became increasingly apparent when he acted as a liaison between the two camps, somehow connected to neither. He had cut his ties from Camp Jupiter, but was a member of Camp Half Blood in name only. He wasn’t Greek, and he wasn’t Roman. He was alone. Until now.
Percy looked at him, trying to read into his expression. He looked around the room, and then back at Jason.
“Uh, hey I know this is probably a little awkward and a little sudden, but-” Percy rubbed the back of his head, looking nervous. “Would you mind sleeping over here tonight?” Percy blushed bright red.
“It’s just that I get so lonely over here all by myself, I always have. Then the nightmares… it just gets really difficult to sleep. I stay up all night just staring at the bed waiting for the sun to come up. It’s fine if you don’t want to, you don’t-”
“Okay”
“What?” Percy asked, slightly stunned by the fast answer.
“I’m guessing you’ve been inside the Zeus cabin before,” Jason said, raising an eyebrow. “It’s not exactly the most comforting place to sleep. No offense to dear old dad, but I don’t really like being stared at by an imposing statue while I try to go to sleep. This cabin is way nicer. You have a fountain, some soft lighting, hell yeah I’ll spend the night.” Jason got off of the bed, and stretched out. He checked his watch, and headed to the door.
“I’m going to get my stuff before the harpies come out,” He said, waving to Percy as he walked into the hot summer evening. In the distance, he could see some of the other campers by the fire pit, while someone sang a song. This place felt like the summer camp he had never had the opportunity to go to. Camp Jupiter was nice and all, but weakness and relaxation was always somewhat looked down upon.
Here, campers were free to do what they wanted, so long as they got the appropriate education on how to survive. He didn’t have long to really gather his thoughts about the subject as the Zeus cabin was directly next to the Poseidon cabin. He stepped inside, and stared up at the statue for just a moment, shuddering under its judgmental gaze.
He took only a few minutes to grab some of the essentials out of his room, including a change of clothes and some toiletries like his toothbrush. He didn’t expect to spend more than the night at Percy’s, so he chose to pack his backpack, emptying out the study material he had brought for the long break onto his bed to make room in the bag.
He left his cabin and made the extremely short walk back to the Poseidon Cabin, entering without knocking once he got to the door. That meant that when he walked in, he was greeted by the sight of Percy stripping off his shirt and slowly putting on a pajama top as he sat on his bed. Jason got an extended peek at the other teen’s bare chest, his muscles rippling slightly as he moved. Jason fought back a blush and cleared his throat. Percy moved his head towards the door, smiling once he saw Jason was back.
“Oh, hey,” He said, already sounding more relaxed. He bit back a yawn, and made a sweeping gesture towards the beds around him. “Pick any bed, it’s not like there’s anyone else here.”
Since Percy was in the middle bunk bed out of three, Jason chose the one to the right of him. He set his things on the bed, and made his way to the bathroom with a change of clothes and his toothbrush. Behind him, he could hear Percy climbing under the sheets.
“Oh yeah, the bathroom’s over there,” Percy said from under the covers, pointing uselessly towards the door Jason had already been walking to. He wasn’t even lifting his face from where it was pressed against his pillow. Jason wondered if he could suffocate like that, but decided that whatever let Percy sleep was fine by him.
As he closed the door behind him and got changed into his own pajamas, he thought about his reaction to seeing Percy getting changed. Why had he blushed like some schoolgirl just from seeing his friend in a state of undress? It wasn’t like he had ever been attracted to men, and he would have known if he was from the bathhouse back in Camp Jupiter. And his smile. Jason had seen how upset Percy had been on that dock. Just a single smile from Percy made his chest tighten.
Maybe it was the amount of scars that had stunned him, as even the quick glimpse at skin had revealed an impressive amount of scarring. Yeah, that must have been it, Jason thought as he lifted his own shirt to inspect his scars in the mirror. They weren't just similar in mind, but in body as well. They both had more scars on them at eighteen than most people had in their entire lives.
Satisfied with his conclusion, Jason finished getting ready and walked back over to his bed. When he climbed under the covers, Percy finally turned from his pillow to face him.
“Thanks for doing this.” Percy said, trying to fight the sleep from his voice.
“No problem.” Jason said, quietly laughing to himself as he added, “If anything, you’re going to have more trouble getting me to leave.”
“Who says I want you to leave?” Percy said, before promptly shutting his eyes and falling asleep, not even giving Jason a chance to react.
The blush returned. Jason turned around in his bed so he wasn’t facing Percy anymore. The bed was surprisingly comfortable, way more so than the Zeus cabin’s beds. He could already feel himself starting to doze off. He didn’t even have to think about what had just happened, he was falling asleep so fast. His mind was a haze. Stupid Percy, he thought. Stop being so damn charming or else… or else…
Jason’s thoughts drifted into nothing as he closed his eyes and fell asleep.