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Nishinoya Yuu was sixteen when he had his gay awakening. Well, technically his bisexual awakening, if you wanted to be all pedantic about it. Yuu had known for a long time that he liked girls. After all, girls were great. He liked their soft curves, their long, silky hair, and their cute school uniforms.
But he also appreciated the boy’s uniform. With its high, rigid collar and brass buttons, Karasuno’s black gakuran looked super cool, and, on certain guys, also sort of sexy.
In hindsight, the signs that his sexuality was a little more flexible than he’d anticipated had always been present, but the revelation still hit him like a volleyball to the face.
Takeda-sensei surprised them Friday after school with a practice match against the neighbourhood association. The match was gruelling and their victory was hard-won, lasting five sets that extended until sundown. Hinata and Kageyama’s freak quick attack racked up the most points, but Yuu was proud to note that Asahi scored the winning point, blasting past three blockers. The ball struck the parquet floor with a satisfying resounding smack.
If Yuu had been in Asahi’s position, and if liberos could score points, he would have hollered and cheered, basking in the victory and the honour of scoring the match point. Asahi, however, allowed himself only a small, private smile.
“Nice, Asahi-san!” Yuu exclaimed.
Asahi’s eyes met his, holding his gaze before dropping shyly to the side. He still wasn’t used to accepting praise.
Before Asahi could answer, Suga jogged over to slap him on the back. “Looks like we’ll make an ace out of you yet!”
Asahi spluttered. “I already am the ace!”
After taking down the nets and cleaning up, most of the team headed home. Hinata and Kageyama lingered outside to practice spiking, while Yuu and Tanaka showered after a few too many muttered comments from Tsukishima that he could smell their sweat from across the gym, and admonishments from Daichi that body spray wasn’t a proper substitute for showering.
Yuu had thought they were the only ones occupying the showers. What happened was an honest mistake. If Yuu could redo it, he would do it differently. Well, okay, no he wouldn’t, but that still didn’t mean it had been intentional.
“Ryuu!” Yuu called out.
“Yeah?” His best friend’s voice was muffled by the jets of water and the concrete partitions between the stalls.
It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to any parties involved that Yuu had neglected to bring soap. It was only natural, then, for him to rip the curtain of the adjacent shower aside and ask to borrow some. Yuu and Tanaka had waltzed in on each other showering before, and everyone changed into their uniforms around each other anyway. There was no need for modesty, especially after that time Tanaka had aided Yuu in measuring a certain part of his anatomy when he’d required assistance, although Tanaka had groaned and complained about holding the tape measure the entire time.
It didn’t even occur to Yuu that someone else may have been showering as well, but when he yanked the curtain aside, it was decidedly not Tanaka on the other side.
Rivulets of water cascaded down Asahi’s bare skin. Yuu traced the sudsy water’s meandering path down Asahi’s slick skin. Freed from the confines of its usual bun, Asahi’s long brown hair fell in a silky sheen down his broad shoulders. His collarbone jutted out and his Adam’s apple bobbed as Yuu stared. The sharply defined plane of muscles in his stomach flexed. Yuu tried not to look. Really, he did. It was as if a switch had been flicked off, and his brain could no longer control the movements of his eyes. They wandered down. Yuu didn’t need a tape measure to know that Asahi was also larger than him in that department.
Holy shit was he ever hot.
The thought came unbidden and the tiny twitch his cock gave was entirely involuntary as well.
A choked noise drew his attention to Asahi’s face, and he met the wide eyes of cornered prey with nowhere to bolt.
“S-shit!” Yuu choked. His throat felt dry and yet his mouth was flooded with saliva. “I—sorry!” He pulled the curtain back in place. Forget about the soap. Hell, forget about showering. He turned off the tap in the stall he’d been using, and threw on his clothes, not bothering to dry himself off first.
Fuckfuckfuck. He made a mental note to text Tanaka with an excuse later, and hightailed it out of there. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about his naked body and how good he looked (seriously, he could put porn stars to shame!).
Yuu’s face felt so hot, he wouldn’t have been surprised if steam rose off it.
On the bright side, It looked like he could finally define his feelings for Karasuno’s ace.
He’d always chalked up his hyper-awareness of Asahi to admiration, awe, and even a dash of envy. Now he realized all of that barely scratched the surface.
Asahi was amazing and strong and powerful—he’d have to be, as Karasuno’s ace.
His man-bun and stubbled chin and defined muscles gave him a rugged handsomeness, and if more people realized his intimidating looks belied a softhearted nature, he’d probably get confessed to all the time.
Yuu arrived home in a daze, his cock embarrassingly half-hard and with no hope of flagging anytime soon. He greeted his parents and siblings, before making a feeble excuse about homework, which was probably the least realistic excuse he could’ve conjured up. Luckily, his parents didn’t outright question his sudden willingness to study, although they shared a bemused look.
Once he’d shut the door to his room, Yuu collapsed dramatically onto his mattress. He was probably just pent up. Hormones and excess adrenaline from the volleyball match. He needed to get it out of his system and then he’d be back to normal.
Yuu deferred to his usual methods: a healthy dose of porn and a private session with his right hand. It had never failed him before.
His cock was already thickening in anticipation. He curled his hand around it and set a quick pace. And yet, for some inexplicable reason, it didn’t seem enough.
He tried in vain to prevent his thoughts from wandering down that forbidden road. He was a good teammate and a loyal kouhai. He wasn’t going to think about Asahi-san. Thinking about Asahi in that sort of position was inappropriate. He was definitely not going to imagine his pecs, or his abs, or his thigh muscles, or his long, thick—dammit!
The usual straight porn wasn’t going to cut it. Yuu tentatively searched up shirtless pictures of his favorite pro volleyball players and resumed a steady rhythm. He imagined strong arms pinning him to the bed, or holding him against a wall--thoughts he’d never allowed to fully develop before. What would it be like to touch—to taste—the ridiculous washboard abs that google images provided?
Objectively, Yuu recognized that, yeah, he admired the muscular bodies and athletic builds, but they didn’t do much for him. His traitorous brain superimposed an image of Asahi’s face over the ripped body on the computer screen.
Screw it. Yuu stroked himself firmly, tightening his grip on the upstroke. If nothing else was gonna get him there, maybe he needed to think about Asahi, if only to get him out of his system.
Once his mind had permission, it ran wild with the fantasy. His eyes fluttered shut. He imagined that instead of catching Asahi innocently washing himself, he’d caught him furiously fisting his cock under the hot spray of water. Asahi’s cock had been large even while soft. Yuu imagined it jutting up, red and hard, and leaking fluid. In his fantasy, he removed Asahi’s hand and replaced it with his own. Asahi trembled.
“N-Nishinoya.”
“Want me to stop, Asahi-san?” Yuu would pause, stilling the motion of his hand to meet Asahi’s flushed, desperate face.
“P-please don’t tease.”
“Well, since you asked nicely...”
Yuu would make it good for him. He’d stroke him nice and hard, but he’d do it slowly—draw it out until Asahi was begging and pleading, his brown eyes wide and foggy with lust. He’d swipe his thumb through Asahi’s precome, along the sensitive slit of his cock, then he’d cup Asahi’s balls and give them a gentle squeeze. That beautifully strong body would be at his mercy.
He wondered what Asahi sounded like when he came. He’d probably try to be quiet, just like Yuu was being now. He’d try to choke back any noises, but Yuu would wring them out of him until he moaned.
Yuu would make a mess of his senpai, would make him feel so good, in a way no one ever had before. At least, Yuu hoped no one had. He shook his head, dislodging the stray thought. This was his fantasy, after all.
Maybe he’d do more than stroke Asahi’s cock. He’d get on his knees on the cold tiles of the shower stall and lean in. He’d press kisses to the swollen flesh, lick his way up from the base to the head, tracing the veins and lapping at the crown with his tongue. Asahi’s entire body would shake with the strain of holding himself back, but eventually Yuu would push him past the brink of control. Asahi—sweet, gentle, timid, thoughtful Asahi—would fuck Yuu’s mouth, unable to stop himself from thrusting forward and burying himself deep, using Yuu's body to achieve his own pleasure.
Yuu groaned aloud, belatedly clapping a hand over his mouth. He wanted that so bad. He wanted Asahi to lose control, to not hold back, just like those moments in a match when he unleashed his full strength against an opposing team, and pried points from them through sheer strength and force of will. He wanted Asahi to use him, to fuck his throat until he couldn't breathe.
Yuu muffled his cries into his pillow, swiping his thumb through the mess of precome dripping from the head of his cock. It was with the mental image of Asahi fucking his mouth and coming down his throat that Yuu’s cock spasmed and he spent himself.
His vision swam, the low-ceilinged lights of his bedroom glittering like downtown Sendai at night. His limbs were heavy from both the strain of practice and from coming his brains out. It felt as if innumerable lead weights encumbered his body.
Holy shit.
He flopped onto his side. The box of tissues was too far away. He’d never come so hard before, as the mess on his sheets could attest to.
As the evening waned, Yuu’s bliss was tempered by regret. Well, not regret, per se. He didn’t think it was possible to regret something that had made him dizzy with pleasure. But his contentment was dampened by a niggling guilt. If Asahi knew what he’d thought about, he’d probably be uncomfortable. Or horrified. Maybe even disgusted.
Yuu winced at the thought. Asahi-san was a gentle giant without a mean bone in his body, but even he had a breaking point. They’d fought before, and it had been one of the worst moments in Yuu’s life. He didn’t want to fight again. He didn’t want to lose his friendship with Asahi, or jeopardize the team. Karasuno needed their glass-hearted ace and their guardian deity libero at their best. Without him and Asahi, the team was incomplete.
He’d made things awkward by accidentally intruding on Asahi in the shower. The last thing he needed was for these newly realized feelings to complicate their relationship even further. So what if he found Asahi hot? And so what if the thought of Asahi pinning him and manhandling him turned him on? It was called a private fantasy for a reason. He could keep these feelings to himself, and in time, they would fade. Hopefully by Monday, so they could get back to normal.
Yuu had all weekend to get rid of his Asahi boner. It was more than enough time.
He spent most of the weekend shut up in his room. He did multiple loads of laundry.
During class on Monday, Yuu pondered how his feelings for Asahi differed from Kiyoko. Kiyoko-san was a goddess. Her hair was glossy and her beauty mark was extremely sexy. She had a lovely voice and her aloof disinterested face drove Yuu wild. But he’d never seriously contemplated a relationship with her. Or even a one-night stand. For one thing, it wouldn’t be fair to Tanaka. Ryuu had been in love with Kiyoko from the moment they’d met, and Yuu would never betray him.
Yuu didn’t think he’d ever be worthy of Kiyoko, anyway. He was a mere mortal, who could best appreciate her divine beauty from afar.
Asahi was nothing like Kiyoko. He was a nervous-wreck and a total pushover. Yuu had seen him disheveled and dripping in sweat, had seen him lose his composure, had witnessed him yell and even cry. He was flawed. And yet.
And yet Yuu couldn’t deny the thrill in his stomach whenever Asahi smiled at him. It was more than pride at being accepted by his senpai.
In addition to being attracted to Azumane Asahi, Yuu also may have had the tiniest little crush on him, as well. Nothing he couldn’t suppress with lots of effort, of course. He’d just have to play it cool at practice, and not let on that anything had changed.
For someone with such an expressive face and a natural candidness, Yuu was surprisingly good at concealing his feelings. No one else on the team suspected his secret, untoward desires towards their glass-hearted ace, or even considered the possibility that Yuu was anything other than straight.
Yuu maintained a casual facade, acting as if nothing had changed and everything was normal. Unfortunately, his skills during practice didn't reflect normalcy.
He missed balls he’d normally catch without breaking a sweat, and the trajectory was off on the ones he did save.
Kageyama looked like he was barely restraining himself from lashing out, and it was probably only fear of retribution from Tsukishima that he held his tongue. After Yuu took a particularly rough fall that was definitely going to leave bruises, Coach Ukai insisted they all take a water break.
“Noya,” Ryuu hissed.
Yuu let himself be steered aside from the rest of the team halfway through their practice. He arched his brow. Casual. Unconcerned. Normal.
“You have a boner for Asahi-san.”
“What?” Yuu screeched, before remembering their conversation was supposed to be clandestine. From across the court, Daichi shot them a suspicious glance. He probably worried they were conniving.
Yuu lowered his voice. “How did you know?” He’d been so subtle. Only a master detective with unprecedented skills of observation could have unraveled the inner workings of his mind and discovered his secret feelings.
“You were staring at his crotch. And drooling.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” Tanaka cleared his throat. “I know this isn’t a new thing, but I’ve never seen you be so obvious about it.”
“What do you mean it’s not a new thing?” Yuu demanded.
Tanaka looked unimpressed. “Dude. You quit the team and got yourself suspended when he left. You’re the best libero in the prefecture and you refused to play unless it was with him. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”
“What the hell, Ryuu? Why couldn’t you have mentioned any of this before?”
“You never gave me reason to before! But you look like you’re seconds away from jumping the guy, so tone it down unless you want everyone else noticing.”
Yuu groaned. This was bad. Very bad. “What happened on Friday, anyway? I was chatting with you—at least I thought I was, but when I got out of the shower you were gone and Asahi was there, for some reason. Didn’t even realize he was showering too.”
“Yeah. I didn’t either.” Until he’d walked in on him.
“So, what happened?” Before Yuu could explain the traumatic encounter he'd had, the source of his bisexual awakening approached.
“Ah, I was wondering if I could have a moment alone with Nishinoya?”
Tanaka, the bastard that he was, grinned lewdly. “You can have all the moments you’d like with him.” He sauntered away with a spring to his step. Yuu glared at his retreating form.
Asahi cleared his throat. His shoulders hunched and eyes averted. “Nishinoya, can I talk to you?”
Ah, shit. He was in for it now. He wondered if Asahi had told Daichi and Suga about the incident. Probably not. Daichi would’ve lectured him for perving on their precious ace. Suga would likely have high-fived him. "Aren't you already?" he asked with a weak laugh.
“I, um, wanted to say I’m sorry. About Friday.”
Yuu gaped, incredulous. “Asahi-san, why are you apologizing to me? I was the one who… y’know.”
“I made it awkward, though. Anyone else would have laughed it off or not taken it so seriously. I realize it was just a misunderstanding.”
Yuu’s incredulity gave way to exasperation. “Asahi, you’re the only one I know who would blame himself for having his privacy invaded and not the privacy invader.”
“Still, you ran off and I didn’t want you to feel bad.”
“I didn’t feel bad. I was just… embarrassed.”
“And I didn’t want you to feel that way. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize! You didn’t do anything wrong!”
“I made you uncomfortable.”
It was like talking to a wall. A large, attractive wall with self-esteem issues. “You didn’t.”
“Clearly I did!” Asahi was starting to get angry. It sent a frisson of excitement through Noya’s dirty, dirty mind. “I made you uncomfortable and now you can’t even look at me!”
Yuu instinctively raised his voice, matching Asahi’s volume. “It’s because it was hot!”
Asahi froze. “What?”
Yuu covered his face with his hands. “You were so hot, Asahi-san. I can’t stand it.”
Asahi didn’t respond. Yuu slowly moved his hands aside to peer up at him.
Finally Asahi’s lips moved. “You…”
Oh god, how was that sentence going to end? You are weird and creepy, never speak to me again and stay away from me?
“...think I’m hot?” Asahi didn’t sound judging or disgusted, but his tone was difficult to gauge.
“I’m a pervert!” Yuu wailed. Lusting after his senpai was one thing, but a fellow teammate that he’d already intruded upon in the shower? What did Asahi think of him? Shit, what if he thought Yuu had intruded on him in the shower on purpose?
“Please don’t say that. You’re not.”
“I’m a filthy pervert!”
“Nishinoya, lower your voice,” Asahi pleaded. “People are looking at us.”
Would they kick him off the team for this? Probably not, but it would still affect how they played. How could they expect their ace to be in top performance if he was too busy avoiding Yuu?
“Noya, it’s fine.”
“You’re just saying that to be nice!”
“No, it really is fine. It’s, um, flattering.”
“It is?”
“Well, er, yes. Anyone would be flattered.”
Yuu groaned. He really had to spell it out for him. This whole interaction was painful, and Yuu wanted to get it over with so he could wallow in self-pity and mortification at home. “Asahi-san, you don’t get it. I don’t mean you’re ‘hot’ in the casual observation sense. I mean you’re hot as in I can’t stop thinking about what you looked like in the shower and fantasizing about you.”
Asahi’s Adam’s apple worked convulsively. “Tell me.”
“Huh?”
He’d never seen Asahi with that expression before. He didn’t know how to define it outside of ‘intense’. Asahi could be seriously scary at times. This was what other volleyball teams had to face, Yuu realized. Any hint of the shy, self-effacing, glass-hearted ace was currently absent.
“What?” Yuu asked dumbly.
“Tell me,” Asahi repeated, his voice low and gravel-rough.
He grappled for courage, for the ability to speak. “I… I think about doing it differently. What I would do when I caught you showering.”
“What would—” Asahi cleared his throat. “What would you do?”
What wouldn’t he do was an easier question to answer. For starters, he wanted to drop to his knees and show Asahi just how sexy he thought he was. He wanted to watch him get hard, wanted to be the cause of his pleasure. What would it be like to feel Asahi get hard in his mouth? To suck on his soft cock until it became hard and swollen from arousal?
“I can’t tell you,” he murmured.
“Why not?”
Yuu winced. Why couldn’t Asahi leave it? He supposed he deserved it. Usually he was the one pestering and needling Asahi. Turnabout was fair play, and all that.
“You’re really gonna make me say it?” He sucked in a breath. “You looked so good, Asahi-san. You have no idea how hard it was to look away.”
“You too.”
“What?”
Asahi flushed. “Nishinoya, you realize you were naked too. When you came into my shower. You looked really good.”
Yuu glanced down at himself. He was in good-shape, that much was true. But he’d never thought of himself as attractive. He was too short, too small. “Maybe,” he allowed. “But not like you. I… I touched myself. Thinking about you.”
“Good.”
“Really?”
Asahi's face seemed to be doing an impression of a tomato. It flushed redder than Yuu had ever seen it. “I’ve, um, thought of you before too. I tried not to, but it was hard. Er, hard because I’d dream about you. And even when I woke up, it was hard to dismiss those thoughts.” He chuckled weakly. "I really need to stop saying 'hard.'"
Yuu felt deliriously happily. Even more than when he’d won a prize for a free soda flavoured Gari Gari Kun, or when he’d been named best libero in the prefecture, back when he’d attended Chidoriyama. “I like that you thought about me! I want you to always think about me.”
Asahi smiled. “That won’t be difficult.”
“What happens in your dreams?” Yuu pressed.
“What did you think about when you touched yourself?” Asahi countered, holding his gaze, refusing to budge or back down an inch. A thrill shot through Yuu’s stomach when he noticed a sizeable bulge forming in Asahi’s shorts.
“I think it would be easier to show you.”
Because they were still on school property, and the team was now very obviously watching them, Yuu settled for drawing Asahi into a long, lingering kiss. He’d show him the rest later, when they were alone.