Chapter Text
Knock! knock! knock!
“Remus!” I shouted, my fist slamming against the door with three loud thuds, the walls practically shaking from the force. But to no avail. The door remained firmly shut.
“Remus you absolute rodent! Open the door!”
I huffed and waited silently for a moment, listening for any indication that he was coming to answer the door. But all I got was nothing !
“I will break down this door if I have too!” I practically shrieked, face getting hot with rage. I bared my fangs at the door, (as if it were the one who had been ignoring me for days.) Before licking my lips, trying to decide whether I would just kick the thing down or rip it off its hinges- (or maybe break off the door knob- people do that in movies sometimes?)
Or I could just leave him be.
That would be the most rational thing to do. This isn’t the first (and certainly won’t be the last time-) Remus has vanished off doing god knows what- he’s probably in there murdering puppies or something... god I hope not it smelled so bad last time-
But then that wouldn’t explain that sickly cold feeling that I couldn’t seem to rid from my stomach. The ever persistent tug at my core that had no real source or explanation-
Except that for certain-something was wrong .
I bet Virgil feels it too. He was always sensitive to these kind of things, when something was... off in the mindscape. Sure most of the time it was overthinking but often he had good intuition.
If only he were here now.
I tried to shake away that thought as soon as it arrived. An all too familiar plight was our relationship with Virgil. I tried not to worry about it too much- but he would certainly know what to do.
He always did with Remus.
He would have known just how to coax him out. Now I’m left to my own defenses, currently seething in the hallway at a loss on what the hell I was supposed to do.
“I haven’t seen you in days Remus- days!” I knocked again, just as forcefully. “I swear if you’ve got your damn head stuck in a turkey again-!”
Just as I started to go on a tirade about his adventures with poultry, the door flew open. I flinched back in surprise at the motion- surprised to see Remus hunched in the dark, tucked mostly behind his door, peeking out just barely with his green eyes glowing visibly in the dark.
Well he’s still being as weird as normal-
Relief washed over me, glad to see him conscious and not missing any limbs as far as I could see- this relief was short lived however and I could feel my face heat up again.
“Care to explain yourself!?” I hissed, placing my hands on my hips.
“No- busy- go away” He slammed the door shut again-
Oh hell no-
The door flew open again, not from him however but from a well positioned kick on my behalf. I huffed and stomped into the room, which was its usual mess.
“It smells like shit in here Remus seriously- have you even been showering!?” I spun around to face him. “I have been calling you downstairs for nights now! And all I get is- “ busy !” You think you can just get out of doing the dishes by-“
And then I saw him.
My jaw clamped shut, eyes falling over him for the first time, his tall figure illuminated by the lights from the hallway. He looked just as pale and ghastly as usual, if not maybe a bit more tired. I wouldn’t have even been alarmed if not for the-
White .
White strands of hair. Starting to streak down from his scalp, standing out starkly against his black hair-
“Dee-“
He must have seen the look on my face, because he was putting his hands up before I had even rushed over, pulling his head down to my eye level to look at his hair, forking my fingers through it.
“It’s nothing really-“ He reaches up to grab my wrist but I swat his hand away, hissing just barely.
He pulls away from me, hair sticking up in all different angles. He looked ridiculous.
“If it’s nothing then why hide it from me?” My chest tightened in a way it hasn’t in a long time. I swallowed hard to soothe it-
He rolled his eyes. “You sound like Thomas’s mother-“
“Remus this is serious!”
“Well obviously!” He barked back, a strained laugh escaping his throat. “I may be a maniac but I’m not stupid-“ he snorts “well- that stupid-“
I reach a hand up to rub at the bridge of my nose. Trying to soothe the headache starting to build there.
Relax- just think about this.
I reach up again to grab his head and he tries to swat me away. We wrestle with each other’s grip-
“Stop touching me-“
“Sit still you imbecile-“
“How do you know I don’t have lice?”
“I don’t care-“
I did. But he didn’t need to know that.
I eventually got him still enough to get another look. I sighed and let him go again. The images of the white hairs dancing in my mind, taunting me like a little flag saying “I surrender!”
Well I don’t.
“It’s not too bad-“ I say steadily.
“Yet-“
“Maybe there’s something we can do... before-“
“Before I die?”
Die .
“You’re not going to die!” I hiss, half tempted to smack him over the head. Half tempted to fling my arms around him and never let go.
“Well why not?”
“Cause-“ I balled up my fists, glaring up at him. Hating how nonchalant he looked. Hating how he was probably taking it this way better then I was- and he was the one dying! (Not dying!)
He smiled. Big a wide and familiar. I hated that too. (But I loved it too)
“Because I said so!”
He barked out a laugh, so loud and obnoxious and familiar. I would have been embarrassed if I wasn’t so mortified.
“If you say so snakey ~” He smirked down at me.
That time I did smack him over the head. Then hugged him. But we don’t talk about the second part.
~
Knock! Knock! Knock !
I was standing at another door, banging on it ferociously.
For some reason I got Deja Vu-
“Alright! Alright! Hold on!” A voice from inside called. I crossed my arms as the door swung open, revealing the taller figure, dressed in an all too familiar blue and black-
“Hello Logan-“ I sneered up at him, fingers fluttering against my sleeves where they rest. I could see him recoil at the sight of me. He looked past me into the dark hallway, before down again to meet my eyes.
“How did you get in here?-“
“No time to waste-“ I flourished a hand, silencing him as I pushed into his room. Looking around at the neat stacks of books and papers scattered about. “We need to talk-“
“I don’t need to talk to you about anything-“ he huffed, removing his hand from his mouth. “Except about how you managed to get up here-“
“I’m the one asking questions dear-“ I snapped and a chair wheeled forward, catching the taller side and making him fall into it. “Now tell me what you know about sides- disappearing”
The word felt like acid on my tongue. I pushed down the gag that rose in my throat. I turned to see an eyebrow raised at me. I scoffed.
“And before you ask no- I’m here to stay” I grin at him. “Lucky you”
“Indeed” He pushes up his glasses on his nose, studying me critically. “I must admit I don’t know why you’re asking me about the matter, you’ve witnessed the effects first hand before-“
I stiffened and hissed, making him fall silent again. My mind drifted to a closed door with an orange placement mat. A door that hadn’t been opened in a very long time-
“I know I’ve seen it. I know how it happens I want to know why ?” I spun around as to not face him anymore. Instead examining a pile of papers on a bookshelf. They were ideas sent in by Roman. I recognized the handwriting. Him and Remus both wrote the same. I closed my eyes to clear my thoughts. “ Why would a side disappear?”
“Well-“ Logan cleared his throat. Noticing me start to rifle through the papers. I rolled my eyes and set them back down. “When Thomas no longer needs a side, or doesn’t want them around anymore- they go away.” He spoke matter of factly.
“Well he doesn’t want me here and I am-“ I glance at him over my shoulder, raising an eyebrow.
“Yes well...he can’t really ignore you. You’re too- present in his mind to do that.” Logan wrinkled his nose, as if he was displeased by the notion. “Plus, despite you not being something he enjoys- you do still serve a function. All of us here do-“
“Except for Remus” I breathed out, just barely audible.
“Well no, that’s not true” he heard me anyway. “He is still a part of Thomas’s creativity. His darker humor and such-although he has been avoiding indulging in such behaviors so I suppose...yes Remus hasn’t really done much in...” He trailed off. Likely trying to recall the last time Remus actually did something. I could practically see those gears in his head turn. “Wait-“
“Well-thank you for your time-“ I spun around. Preparing to sink out-
“Is Remus-?” Logan was starting to stand.
“Actually!” I cut him off, lifting my hand to silence him yet again. “If what you said is true- then if a side started being more...present. Then they could prevent disappearance?”
“Well yes I suppose” He hesitated to think about it. “but deceit-“
I gave him a harsh look, my left pupil narrowing to a slit. He seemed to change his mind about whatever he was going to say. “Nevermind-“ he studied me with a look I couldn’t quite decipher. If I didn’t know any better I would say he was worried. “Goodnight Deceit”
“Goodnight Logan. I do hope you don’t have any nightmares.” I grin, before sinking out.
When I popped back up I wasn’t smiling. I stood quietly in our living room for a moment, trying to get my bearings.
When Thomas doesn’t want them there anymore- they go away.
The thought alone made my stomach twist.
Thump!
A heavy weight fell on my back. I yelped and nearly fell forward, stumbling to keep my balance. I felt long arms around my neck and a high pitched laugh in my ear.
“Remus!” I hissed, reaching up to hold onto his arms as he slung his legs around my waist.
“Hello Dee!” He chirped, setting his chin on top of my head. “How was your trip upstairs?”
“Fine-“ I lied. I started walking toward the kitchen, getting accustomed to his weight. He feels lighter than usual. “Might I ask what you’re doing? You’re usually only clingy when I’m angry with you-“
I could feel him shrug against me as I took off my gloves, setting them down on the kitchen counter. I leaned against it, starting to get tired from carrying him around.
“Missed you-“
“I was gone for 10 minutes-“
“That’s a long time!”
“What are you a dog?”
“You calling me a bitch?” He feigns a gasp in my ear and I roll my eyes, feeling him slide down off my back. He didn’t move away however, his arms now hooked around my waist, head tucked into my shoulder. I couldn’t imagine how his back must hurt- leaning down like that.
“Maybe I am-“ I teased. Trying to ignore the ache in my chest that had started to work it’s way back into my ribs. (It has been doing that quite a bit since I found Remus in his room.)
“Speaking ill of the dead- tsk tsk” He giggled in my ear. I spun around to face him, giving him a stern look. He backed up just barely.
“Don’t be morbid-“ I chided.
“Have you met me?” He grinned.
“Sadly”
He laughs. And oh how that makes my chest burn.
“You’re right” he concedes, leaning back against me. “I’m not even dead...yet”
“And you won’t be-“ I correct. Sounding more sure of myself then I felt.
“Alright dee... we’ll see”
He sighed against my ear and we stayed like that for awhile. Him clinging to me as I washed the dishes. It was technically his turn but I didn’t care. Not this time at least.
~
Alright so that could have gone better-
Remus had tried to no avail to harass Thomas at just about every convenience. Trying to make himself known. But Thomas wouldn’t even look at him. I had suggested he tried popping in for another video, (hell he was even naked!) but not even the other sides spared him a glance. He appeared back in our living room, looking more worn out then I had seen him in awhile. He immediately plopped down on the couch, groaning into a pillow.
“Didn’t go so well?” I inquired softly, moving from where I had been sitting at the dining room table to the couch, placing myself carefully down by his knees.
He didn’t answer, face buried in a pillow. I reached up and placed a hand on his back, rubbing circles between his shoulders.
He was so warm.
“Remus you’re hot-“
He giggled. I rolled my eyes.
“I mean like a fever you idiot. You should get some rest-“
He rolled over to face me, he looked pale (well paler then usual) eyes dull and glassy. His eyelashes were wet.
“They didn’t even look at me dee-“ He smiled. But not the happy kind. It was all broken and frayed at the edges. “It’s like I wasn’t even there-“
He started sitting up as I started moving down. We met in the middle and I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him as tightly as I could without breaking him in half.
“Well I know you’re here-“ I whispered.
“Some help that is-“ He joked, but it was flat.
“Shut up” I whispered. But I didn’t mean it.
God all the times I said that it- didn’t mean it.
~
This morning felt good. He was up early, a rare occurrence. Most days he slept till noon. But he was up with me while I was making breakfast. Sitting at the counter and watching me with tired eyes, white hair falling around his hair in a matted mess. He looked cute nonetheless, like a puppy waiting for his food.
“Bon appetite-“ I slid a deodorant stick across the counter and he lit up, taking the plastic in his hand. He was shaking a bit so I helped him open it.
It was almost normal.
I turned around to put some eggs on the stove when I heard a heavy thump. I spun around and he was no longer in sight. I set the carton of eggs down and darted around the counter, finding him lying on the floor, deoderant still clutched in hand.
“Fuck- Remus!” I was on the floor in an instant, pulling him close to my chest, trying to shake him awake. He was burning hot against my skin.
Fuck fuck fuck-!
He wasn’t waking up. I tried to get my arms around him, pick him up but he was much bigger than me even having lost so much weight. I heard him groan, just barely with his mouth shut.
“Remus stay with me-“ I begged. Desperation lapped at me in waves. I was shaking furiously. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes, calling out to the first name that came to mind-
“What the hell-“ I heard a voice from across the room. I looked up and saw a familiar purple hoodie and messy head of hair spin around to face me, he obviously wasn’t expecting to be summoned, but his aggravation dropped as soon as he saw the scene before him- “what-?”
“Virgil help me get him up!” I begged. For a moment he stood still. Staring at me with wide eyes. Our gaze met and something in him seemed to click and he was at my side in an instant.
“Where?”
“The shower”
Between the two of us we managed to haul him into the bathroom, placing him in the tub and turning on the shower. Cold water rained down on him. For a moment he didn’t respond. I leaned down over the tub, not caring as the water drenched my pajamas, hands wrapping around his face, water cascading down over his hollow cheeks and lips.
“Cmon cmon- Remus sweetheart wake up-“ I pleaded, eyes flickering over his features for some sign. My throat tightened up-
Then he gasped, sitting up fast and grabbing onto me with a wild expression. I just about laughed in relief, grabbing him by the arms.
“Hey-hey you’re okay!”
“Shhh you’re okay”
“Just breath I gotcha-“
All the while Virgil lurked in the doorway. Under his eyes darker than they had been in awhile.
~
“When were you gonna tell me?” Virgil’s voice was hoarse. He was sitting crisscrossing on a stool (he never sat on those damn things right.) I stepped out into the kitchen, grabbing a towel to dry my hands. Remus was left on the couch, fast asleep. I turned my back to Virgil. Staring instead down at the sink, where water from my hair dripped down the drain.
“Didn’t think you’d care” I said curtly. Balling up the towel between my fists.
He didn’t respond. But I heard him swallow hard.
“Besides” I continued. Trying to fill the silence. “I thought I could fix it...before-“
“Before what!? I can barely see a black strand of hair on his head!” The smaller side snapped. I tried not to grimace as he raised his voice. “Jesus Dee did you think to tell anyone!?”
I laughed. Dark and bitter. I spun around to face him, shoving a handful of wet curls out of my face. He flinched a bit. It’s been awhile since he saw me mad.
And boy was I mad .
“Not like any of you would have done anything!” I hissed, low and simmering. The quiet type of anger that was the most dangerous. “Hell it probably would have made the others jump with joy! One less dark side to worry about!” I laughed again, it almost sounded like Remus.
“That’s not-“ Virgil started, sounding less angry and more feeble, voice shaking.
“Really!? Tell me Virgil-“ I hissed, moving closer toward him. He started backing up. “If I hadn’t literally forced you down here, would you have ever checked up on us? On either of us?” I backed him up into a wall. His eyes were wide, breath shaking. I waited for a moment. But of course there was no answer. “So then who's to say you would have even noticed if he was gone! Hell both of us could have gone and vanished and all you-“ I made a sweeping gesture toward the door “wouldn’t have batted an eye!” I was in his face now, snarling like an animal. I suppose I got my snake features from somewhere-
“Stop!-“ Virgil yelped, the force of his fear shoving me back. I caught myself on the counter, blinking at him in surprise. His eyes were dark, misted over with gray.
There’s the anxiety I remember.
Then he switched back, his eyes returned to normal and he was blinking at me with these big round tears in his eyes.
“Dee-“ He took a step toward me and I snapped. His hand clamped over his mouth.
“You know- I think Logan knew.” I spoke through gritted teeth. “But again like I said, not like he cared to tell any of you.” I didn’t laugh this time. My face was drawn in a tight line. “Hell, I’d be surprised if you mentioned it when you went back- it would probably be better if you didn’t.”
He kept on staring at me with those big round eyes, hand over his mouth. Tears streamed down his cheeks but I didn’t care. Not one bit.
“But I suppose I’ll leave that up to you- not that’ll make any difference. Tell them or don’t he’s dying Virgil. Nothing we can do.” The words stung me like acid. I could feel it on my tongue, like the venom from my fangs. I flung my arm aside and like that he was pushed out of our living room, back to his new home. Leaving me and Remus alone.
Like always.
~
We were alone for awhile after that. Virgil didn’t come back. Remus asked about him but I kept shrugging him off. We had each other. That’s all we needed.
He kept waking up in the middle of the night with these fevers. There were lots of cold showers and sleepless nights. But he still mostly got around on his own. But I was always with him now. Watching on. I eventually moved into his room. But it smelled. Which was not that big of a deal but I had to bitch about something otherwise I would go insane-
“I really need to clean up in here-“
“I’m tired, let's go to bed”
I look over at him. He does look tired. He always does. I walk over and help him out of his shirt. He’s so thin now, and covered in sweat. I try to ignore it as I undo my own, staying in a white undershirt. (Not a fan of showing off all my scales. Not that he would mind, the weirdo.)
I crawl into bed and we lay there for a bit. Separate and yet so close together. Eventually he’s wrapped around me like the octopus he is, clinging to me and seeming to be smelling my hair.
“Remus stop sniffing my-“
“Your shampoo smells nice-“ he mumbles
“You can’t eat any of it-“
He pulls away, pouting. I can’t help it.
“Okay fine- I’ll give you some tomorrow”
He grins and I roll my eyes.
“Careful Dee you don’t want em to fall out of your head-“ He tucked his face against me again and I sigh.
He used to say that to Virgil a lot. Then he would pull one of his eyeballs out and Virgil would freak out-
The good days.
“I bet you’re not gonna miss that-“ he says quietly, barely audible with his lips against my shoulder.
“Miss what?”
“Me being a dumbass”
I chuckle, it’s faint but it tickles at my lungs. I feel him smile against me.
“Nah I’ll miss it.” I wrap my arms around him, squeezing him a bit tighter. “I’ll miss all of it.”
He squeezes me back. And for a moment things feel normal.
“Except how fucking messy your room is” I can’t help but add. And he cackles like the hyena he is.
And man that felt good.
~
It was bad.
He stayed in bed now. I think his hair was all white. I basically took care of him day and night.
I didn’t mind.
I think his hair was all white now. I didn’t check anymore. His eyes were so dark and sunken I couldn’t bare to look at him half of the time. But I tried cause I knew it hurt him.
I tried.
“Dee you look like ass-“ he said one night. When I was exhausted and tidying up his room.
“And you look like shit, we’re even.” I spoke back, grimacing as I found a mysterious pile of... some type of purple goo beneath his desk.
“You should sleep” he said softly. He was a lot softer these days. Less harsh. I think it was because he was tired
“That’s Remi’s job-“
“Remi- haven’t seen him around in awhile.” Remus commented flatly. “We should see if he wants to swing by- he can bring that picani guy he’s hot-“
I cast him a harsh glare.
“But not as hot as you.”
“Damn right” I sniffed and returned to my task, decisively avoiding his eyes as I cleaned up. I could feel him wanting to say something. But part of me wished he would stay quiet-
“What about Virgil has he stopped by since-“
“No remus” I interjected. I looked up and saw him deflate, just barely. It made my heart twist in my chest. I looked back down at the broom now in my hands. “I haven’t seen him around-“
Silence again. Heavy And poignant. I thought maybe the worst was over, so I started to sweep again.
“Dee-“
His voice was so small. So feeble. I barely recognized it. I turned to face him. He was clutching the blanket in his fists, looking at me with the most pitiful expression.
“ I don’t really care about Remi or- Virgil-“ He was getting choked up, he looked away from me, staring down at his clenched fists. “I want- I wanna see him- Roman-“
I was moving toward the bed, the broom falling with a clang. I was next to him in a second, gathering him in my arms. I could feel him shaking, unwanted tears streaming down his cheeks.
“I wanna see my brother please-“
He practically begged. He sounded like a little kid. Reminding me so much of when he and Roman had both first split up. Both so so young-
“Okay Remus-“
I put his head against my shoulder. Running my hand through a head full of white hair. I took in a shaking breath. Trying to settle down my tears in my chest.
“I’ll bring him here don’t worry”
I felt tears sting in my eyes.
“You’ll see him”
~
Knock! Knock! knock!
I’m getting real tired of this.
I stand at the door, staring up at it with grim determination. This was the last place I wanted to be and yet- here I was.
“Princey- open up” I shouted, but there wasn’t any bite there. I didn’t have in me to be mean. Not now. Maybe when all this was over.
god, over-
“He’s not in there-“
I spun around to see Virgil lingering down the hall. He was holding a bunch of blankets and pillows in his arms. He looked tired. And now scared, looking me up and down. I probably looked ridiculous, I was in socks, a pair of black slacks and white button up rolled up to the elbows. My hair a curly mess on my head. Hardly my normal picture of grace.
“Well then- where is he?” I swallowed hard. My throat was dry. I should probably get something to drink when I get back.
“It’s uh...movie night.” He looked almost ashamed as he said it, looking down at the pile of blankets in his hands.
“Oh”
“Yeah...”
There was a heavy pause.
“How is he?”
I almost lied and said he was fine. But what point would there be in that?
“Not good.” I said flatly. Virgil flinched like I had struck him.
“Is he?...”
“Not yet....” I slid my hands into my pockets. “But soon”
“Jesus” he whispered. He blinked a few times, likely tears stinging away at his eyes. “I’m sorry-“
“What are you sorry for?” There was no malice when I said it. I didn’t have it in me. I was being- honest. “You didn’t kill him.”
“I should come see him” he said quickly. I could him start to panic. “I should have before but I thought maybe you didn’t want me too-“
“I didn’t “ I stepped forward, almost wanting to reach out to him. But I didn’t. “But he misses you.”
“I miss him.”
“Do you?” I saw him nod his head frantically. I put a hand on his shoulder, trying to steady him. I felt his shaking subside beneath my palm. “Then come see him- I “ my voice cracked. “I was being selfish before-it would be good for him if you came by before-“
Before-
I tried to finish but I couldn’t. I couldn’t breathe.
His arms were around me. It was painfully familiar. I didn’t hug back. My arms hung awkwardly in the air. My breath staggered in my throat.
“Dee- breathe”
He muttered that breathing pattern that he learned. I followed it shakily. In a few moments I was back with my feet on the ground. My head still felt like it was hanging in space.
“Virgil where are those blankets-“
Me and Virgil both spun around toward the top of the staircase where a confused Roman now stood, words forgotten as he stared at us, bucket of popcorn in his arms.
“Roman-“ Virgil started to speak, but then the prince was drawing a sword seemingly out of nowhere. Next thing I knew I was pinned against a wall, blade at my throat. Virgil lingering behind him, looking at me apologetically.
“Hello to you too Roman-“ I smile, just barely. When he’s this close I can see all his similarities to Remus, with the cheeks and nose-
“Why are you here snake!?” He practically hissed (haha).
Then I remembered why I was here and I wasn’t smiling anymore.
“Roman let him go-“ Virgil spoke softly, in a tone I have never heard from him. He put a hand on the Prince’s shoulder and the taller side seemed to relax under the touch.
Interesting-
I didn’t have time to worry about that however. With the whole uh- sword to my throat situation. I reached up a gloved hand and tried to lightly nudge the sword away.
“What? Why?” Roman looked between Virgil and me, perplexed.
“He just wants to talk I promise-“
“I don’t understand-“
“It’s about your brother idiot-“ I hiss. That gets him to lower the sword, just barely.
“What about him?” He blinks at me, looking more dumbfounded then usual.
“He’s-“ The words decide to fail me then. I swallow hard, trying to steel myself as I look at this prince who looks so much like Remus. Roman notices my hesitation and something shifts in his gaze- fear .
“What-“ he looks between me and Virgil, who is averting his gaze. “What trouble has he gotten himself into now?” He scoffs, looking almost annoyed. But the sword is low now, hanging limply at his side.
“He’s-“ I look away from Roman, not able to stare into those eyes. “He’s not well Roman-“ the words come out shakier then I would have liked.
“How- how do you mean?” Roman is stepping away from me. “Surely it can’t be serious- Virgil What is he on about?-“ he looks at Virgil. But Virgil’s face is too hurt, too timid. Roman shrinks away from him too. “Virgil?”
“He’s really sick Roman-“ Virgil says quietly. Meeting his eyes. I can’t look at either of them.
“No that can’t -“ Roman starts.
“Roman.”
Silence.
We didn’t have to anymore. Roman knew.
His brother was dying.
~
Well there’s nothing to spoil a movie night like telling someone their brother is going to die amirite?
Hah- no...okay.
The next few things happened in a bit of a blur.
Roman freaked out- a bit. (Or a lot rather.)
“No no- that’s not right-“ his eyes darted between me and him. “Deceits lying! Virgil tell me he’s lying!”
“No- no I saw it-“
Then Patton and Logan showed up.
“What’s going on kiddos?” Pattons bright smiling face showed up at the top of the stairs. But his expression quickly shifted when he saw me- and both of his kids in tears. Logan looked less shocked, and instead grabbed onto Patton's arm.
He did know.
I didn’t care as much about that. I’m sure he had some logical reason to not tell the others. Whatever helps him sleep at night I suppose.
Then there were more tears from Roman. And then from Virgil and Patton and probably me.
“Pat-“
Roman had wrapped Patton into his arms, after the realization had finally set in. Patton stood in shock, wrapping his arms around the Prince and stared at me with wide eyes. I didn’t say anything, just stared back at him with this expression of-
I know .
Logan took me and Virgil downstairs, leaving Roman alone with Patton for a moment. Once I got down there I swayed dangerously and put my hand on a wall.
“Deceit-?” Virgil called.
“Deceit you’re probably exhausted- sit down” Logan instructed.
I shook my head.
“No I’m sorry I’ve been here too long- I should go-“
“Deceit we can talk about this-“ Logan reasoned. But I sunk out before I could hear anymore.
I couldn’t hear anymore.
~
That night was boring from there on. Remus was fast asleep, and despite how tired I was, I couldn’t get myself to relax. I just sat in his chair across the room and watched him breath.
Every time he gasped in his sleep my heart sunk
~
There was a knock at my door. Now that was different.
I went to it, opening It hesitantly. At first I thought my mind was deceiving (heh) me and that Remus was standing at the door, but it was Roman, looking especially pale.
“Hello” he said shyly, as if I might turn him away.
That would be funny if I did-
No it wouldn’t- god he’s rubbing off on me.
“Hey Deceit-“ Virgil was behind him. Looking just as sheepish.
I opened the door.
“Well come in-“
Remus was asleep when they got to the room. Roman wouldn’t move from the doorway. He was frozen in place, just staring at him with these glassy eyes. Virgil pulled me aside.
“He didn’t want Patton and Logan here- he didn’t think you would have wanted-“
“He was right. I wouldn’t have” I said quietly.
“He looks-“
“Bad” I finished and Virgil just nods. We both look toward the door and Roman is no longer lurking in the doorway. We both rush to the door but then stop when we see the scene-
Remus is awake, talking to Roman, who is crouched down by his bed. They were speaking too quietly for me and Virgil to hear but they looked happy.
Me and Virgil both pulled away from the door, not wanting to intrude. I was crying, more then I had in days. I had to put a hand over my mouth to muffle the noise. Virgil was rubbing my back.
“It’s okay-“ he whispered.
“I love him so much-“ gasped into my palm, the words shaking out of me.
“I know- dee”
He squeezes my shoulder.
“I know”
~
Roman and Virgil keep visiting. He doesn’t get better but he looks like he feels better. I know I do.
It feels right having them there. Like me and him are a little bit more complete. Him and Roman still bicker like brothers when he’s over. But it always ends with tears with Roman has to leave.
There’s been lots of crying lately but we’re all used to it.
I keep feeling the day coming. I know it is. I feel less terrible about it now as sick as that sounds. You just get more comfortable with it, knowing there’s nothing you can do.
But still that night is still as jarring as ever.
I get up in the middle of the night and he’s not in bed. I get up- absolutely frantic. I start rushing down the stairs.
“Remus!”
I stop in my tracks. He’s standing in the living room, looking out the window. All bundled up in his blanket. He turns to me as I come in and he looks like a ghost standing there in the evening light.
“I wanted to see-“ he can’t seem to finish his thought so he points toward the window. I walk over and look. It’s outside, something Roman probably imagined up. For us it’s this dark gloomy sky, with storm clouds and what not- But Remus looks all too content looking out at it.
“It’s really a shitty view” he whispers and I can’t help but laugh.
“Yeah it is.” I smile at him but he’s not looking at me. He’s looking out the window with this glazed over look.
Then he falls.
I catch him before he hits the ground, I sink down with him to the floor.
“Remus-“
He’s awake but barely, blinking up weakly at me.
“Remus stay with me- stay awake please” I speak calmly, I’ve gotten better at that. Not freaking out.
He starts coughing.
It’s this terrible black liquid, bubbling up at his lips. Dark and churning.
I wonder if a light side disappears is it white?
I bring my attention back to Remus, who is clutching at my shirt desperately. I pull him closer to me, the black fluid drenching my white shirt. But I don’t care. I cup the back of his head.
“Dee-“
“Hey- hey I got you” I try and smile at him, to put him at ease, but he just keeps coughing and god- my hands are shaking and they’re drenched-
Fuck please not now- not like this.
He gags and I try to sit him up. He slumped against me, vomiting up the liquid over my shoulder and down my back. I wince and bite back tears, rubbing his back.
“Get it out Remus it’s okay-“
I hook my arm under his legs. I have to do something- I can’t just sit here and let him waste away. Luckily he’s much, much lighter then he was before. I get up, him half slung over my shoulder and clinging to me like his life depends on it. I’m exhausted and dehydrated and can barely stand. So I do the only thing I can.
I sink out.
~
We pop into their living room, and I immediately collapse. There’s a scream from Patton (I can recognize that shriek from anywhere) and suddenly there’s four sets of hands on me.
“Deceit! You with us?”
“Remus!”
“Virgil get us some towels and water quick-“
Patton is next to me, holding onto me and keeping me upright where I’m huddled on the floor. Roman is pulling Remus toward him and Logan is right there next to him, checking Remus’s pulse.
“Is he-?” I choke out-
“No buthe’s not doing so hot-“ Logan says quickly, pulling back as Remus starts to cough up more of the fluid. Suddenly Virgil is back with the towels and water and they’re wiping him up, I go to move and help but Patton is holding me back, I miss at him-
“Easy kiddo-“ he soothes, not flinching away in the slightest. He takes a towel from Virgil and presses it on my head. “You need to relax yourself you’re gonna faint-“
I look at the others, all huddled around Remus. Everything is so loud and I’m so tired-
So as you can guess- I fainted.
~
I wake up gasping, I sit up on the couch I had been huddled up on and look around frantically, Patton is there in an instant, pushing me carefully back down.
“Hey now you’re alright-“ he soothes
“Remus?-“
“Shh he’s okay-“
He gestures over his shoulder and I look. The living room is dark and the tv is on, playing Into The Woods. Roman and Remus are huddled in front of the Tv. I could almost hear them laughing as the Witch does some sort of weird rap song-
They look peaceful, huddled up in the dim light of the TV. I let out a breath of relief.
“So he’s okay?” I whisper, not wanting to disturb them. Pattons smile falls, and he looks down.
“He lost a lot of...stuff” Patton looked across the room where Logan was sitting with Virgil, both of them sipping coffee and watching the movie. “Logan says he probably won’t make it till morning.”
Oh .
My heart seems to basically fall out of my chest then. It might as well be shattered all over the floor.
So this is it.
I look around the quiet living room. It smelled like popcorn and hot chocolate. It was so- nice .
“I figured we would keep it peaceful- a nice night you know?” Patton said softly. I looked at him and his own cheeks were damp.
“Why do you care?” I can’t help but ask.
“Because I think about what it would be like-“ he looks back at me. And for once I don’t see that ray of sunshine I usually see. He looked more like myself then I would have liked on most days.
Maybe we are more alike than I like to believe.
“If I were in your situation. Always looked at like- like a bad guy.” He swallowed hard and looked away from me. “And too lose someone I cared about-“ he looked across the room, eyes falling again on Logan. “I couldn’t imagine- how lonely it must be....”
Lonely .
I suppose that’s one word for it.
“I’m sorry- I really am I wish there was more I could have done-“ He was getting all choked up. I could tell he meant it too.
Damn.
I could get why everyone was so in love with this guy.
“No it’s- it’s-“ I couldn’t say it was alright, because it wasn’t. But I look around the room again, and what he and the other light sides had done and- well they did more than I would have expected them too.
“You did what you could.”
He reached up and took my hand, squeezing it tightly with his. I swallowed hard and looked down at my lap, tears falling down on my pants. He gives my hand another squeeze and stands up. I look up and he’s smiling that unbearably wonderful smile again.
“I’ll make you some hot cocoa. Do try and relax- I know that sounds silly but- I think when there’s nothing left to do- the best thing to do is have some fun.”
“Yeah” I whisper up at him. “Sounds good”
He starts to walk away.
“And patton-“
He turns back to me.
“Thank you”
His face softens.
“Don’t thank me. I owe you this much”
He smiles at me and I smiled back. First time I have in awhile.
~
The night passed slow, thankfully. I had seen the movie before, it was one of remus’s favorites (he loves the princes- and how dark it is.) When the song “Agony” comes on, Remus and Roman sing along. Or at least try to. Roman belts it out and Remus tries his best in his croaky voice.
It was nice.
The movie slows down a bit and Roman gets up. He heads toward me.
“Go sit with him- I’m getting more popcorn” he smiles but it’s strained.
I go onto the floor and he shares his blanket with me. We sit quietly for a moment, there’s this sweet song with the baker and his wife playing.
“I hate this mushy stuff- I like the parts with the wolf eating the girl” He comments. I laugh.
“Of course you do, you would probably eat me if you could-“
“Oh you bet-“ he winks at me and I snort.
“Don’t be foul! We’re having a nice moment!” I shove him lightly and he chuckles. Then he coughs. Some black shit dribbles down his chin and I wipe it off with my sleeve. We’re really close then, I can feel his breath on my face. He turns away and leans his head on my shoulder.
“Okay I’m done being gross-we can have that nice moment now” He whispered.
I sling my arm over his shoulder and cuddle close.
“Alright”
We keep watching the movie. The nights drawls on. Soon it gets colder and more hot chocolate gets passed around and I can see him getting more and more tired.
Everyone sort of starts getting closer as the night goes on.
As the movie starts coming to a close and they’re fighting the giant, everyone is basically huddled together in this big heap, cheering on the heroes as they fight the giant. Roman is on the other side of Remus, their arms locked. Virgil is behind Roman, head leaned on his shoulder. Logan and patton are tucked behind me, sitting close together. Patton has his hand on my shoulder. Like he feels like he needs to ground me. I don’t mind it at all. All the while Remus is telling the giant to eat the protagonists and Roman is telling him off.
It’s all so so nice.
I feel Remus sink against me. I know it before I look down. My breath catches in my throat and I peer down. He’s gone deathly still, hand wrapped in mine. Roman is looking at him too, a hand coming up to his mouth.
Everyone goes quiet, all you can hear is the movie in the background.
Remus looks- shimmery. It’s a familiar look. I had seen it happen once before- Logan had at one point as well, a long time ago before Patton even came along.
But that’s stories for another time.
Now all we could do was sit and watch as this glimmer sprinkled around him, in such a way it made it hard to look.
I wondered how it must feel for Thomas? To lose a side? Does he even realize? Would we tell him?
Would I be angry with him?
I suppose it’s not his fault-
But I bet he wouldn’t ignore him if he just knew how incredible he really was. The amazing ideas he had the songs he wrote! Just because they were darker than the things he liked to put out there that doesn’t mean it was bad- it was all his own and it was fascinating and it burned me to my very core to know it would all be gone soon.
It’s crazy how the mind wanders when your struck with grief. At the moment my thoughts had begun to drift, all the others had reached out, holding onto him. When I came back, we were all connected there-just for a moment.
Then there was this weird flickering moment, where the shimmer pulsated before my eyes. I felt his hand squeeze mine- hard.
It hurt .
“Ow-!”
Everyone turned to look at me in surprise, but was still gripping on like a vice. Then there was this flash so bright I had to turn my head away. Everyone else winced and gasped. When the light finally faded I looked back-
Holy fuck.
Remus was still there, clutching my hand so desperately it was absurd- but he was sitting up straight now, no longer shimmering in that odd way. He was staring straight ahead-
And his hair-
“Remus your hair!” Roman was practically shouting, grabbing his brother and turning him toward him. Remus blinked a few times in shock and reached up, grabbing his hair in his fist and trying to pull it down to where he could see it-
“But-“Logan started to gasp
“H-How?” Virgil stuttered
“It’s-“ Patton began
“Not white!” I finished, reaching forward to pull his head closer to me so I could see.
“Ow-look I’m kinky but Im not into that” He tried to push me away- and god how incredible that felt to have him make a dirty joke.
“It’s normal- your hairs black it’s back to normal” Virgil gaped, a smile starting to creep onto his face.
“How do you feel?” Patton asked, leaning over my shoulder, eyes wide.
Remus sat for a moment, looking at himself up and down. He looked up at smiled.
“Like shit!”
“Good shit or bad shit?” Roman asked.
“Good shit!”
We all seemed to start screaming all at once. We all piled on top of Remus all at once, the dark side yelping as he was squished beneath us.
“Hey careful! Almost died like five minutes ago!” He gasped out and everyone let go except for me. I wrapped my arms around his chest and buried my face in his shoulder, breathing in that terrible stench I had missed so much.
“Thank god” I whispered.
“I thought you were an atheist?” He whispered back, cupping his hand around the back of my head.
“I’ll believe if that means you’re not dead-“
“Well I’m not, unfortunately for you” he teased.
I pulled back, tears in my eyes. I reached up and wrapped my hands around his face, so glad to feel him not burning up beneath my palms.
“Shut up” I grinned at him. And he grinned back, looking like his usual maniac self. Then his arms were around me and he was lifting me up, spinning me around. I clung to him and laughed, not caring that the others were there, watching in amazement.
“But how did this happen?” Logan was standing up, the others joining him.
“I don’t know-“ I said as Remus set me down.
“Frankly I don’t care!” Roman said wrapping his brother up in his arms and lifting him off the ground, much to Remus’s dismay.
“Maybe- Maybe because we didn’t think he was useless anymore?” Virgil piped up, standing behind Patton, looking happy in his own quiet sort of way. “At least- i didn’t”
“Me neither” the other three said. And Remus looked at me.
“I had been thinking about everything he could have done for Thomas when he was- you think maybe?”
“Our collective thought must have resonated with Thomas!” Logan finished, clapping his hands together. “Yes!”
“Well I was going to say we just changed thomas’s mind-“ Patton piped up, making Logan sigh as Virgil and Roman agreed.
“Well thank you-“ I said, looking between them. “You saved him- really you did I couldn’t have done it alone-“ I didn’t care how sappy I was being. I felt so happy.
“No way! We’re the ones who got him in this mess in the first place!” Patton stepped closer to us, looking up at Remus. “Nobody deserves to be forgotten- I’m sorry Remus”
Remus blinks down in surprise, almost like he doesn’t know how to act. I smile.
“He’s saying thank you- on the inside” I say to Patton. Remus shoots me a look and I elbow him in his ribs, making him yelp.
“Seriously! Just died and you’re abusing me!”
“ Almost died” I corrected, and he sticks his tongue out at me. The others laugh and so do we.
Everything feels right then, all of us laughing together. Remus laces his hand in mine, I don’t miss how light it used to be.
That one song is playing, the finale. “No one is alone” it’s oddly fitting, even if it is sappy. I imagine after this we’ll all go back to arguing and what not after this, and I’m sure Remus would go back to being an absolute idiot-
But right then in that moment. I didn’t care. Cause my idiot was alive. And that’s all that mattered.
The music on the tv kept playing on as we all sat at the kitchen table and talked.
Man it felt good to just talk.
~
People make mistakes
Holding to their own
Thinking they're alone
Honor their mistakes
Fight for their mistakes
Everybody makes
One another's terrible mistakes
Witches can be right, giants can be good
You decide what's right, you decide what's good
Just remember
Just remember
Someone is on your side (Our side)
Our side
Someone else is not
While we're seeing our side (Our side)
Our side
Maybe we forgot, they are not alone
No one is alone
Someone is on your side
No one is alone