Work Text:
Hizashi shifts in his bonds as they're finally fixed into place. The cloth tied around his chest, wrists, and ankles isn't uncomfortable, not in the slightest, he just likes to test the strength of the knots. They make him feel safe, knowing as much as he moves and pulls, he would stay together. Shouta put it in place after all, and nobody knows Eraserhead's capture weapon better than himself.
Shouta slips a couple fingers under the cloth at Hizashi's naked chest. "How's that?" He asks the man perched at the foot of their bed. "Too loose?"
Hizashi shifts once more, rolling his shoulders as much as he can with his wrists tied behind his back. "Good." He replies quietly.
Usually he can't stop himself from chattering to fill the empty silence his husband leaves, but it's one of those times that he can't seem to find the words. His mind is filled with dark rolling storm clouds and his chest full of lead, weighing him down. Hizashi can't keep his eyes off his knees, the bed, anywhere except his husband standing in front of him.
He doesn't like to make a fuss when he gets like this. When his thoughts turn dark and the voice in his head tells him how he's never going to be enough for the citizens he's supposed to protect, his students that rely on him, or the love of his life; the man he knew from the moment he laid eyes on, that he wanted- practically needed- to be around. He doesn't like to burden others with his feelings of inadequacy, but somehow his husband can always pick up on it.
He once quietly revealed once to Shouta, under the cover of darkness, wrapped up in his arms, how the feeling of being tied up was comfortable for him on more than a physical level. How it made sure that by keeping him restrained and completely at the mercy of his partner that he couldn't fuck anything u-
That's how they ended up like this, with Hizashi on their bed, sitting back on his knees wearing nothing but his garishly bright orange boxer briefs and the thin strips of cloth holding him together and keeping him mostly immobile.
Hizashi's eyes stay on his knees as he hears Shouta walk a few paces away. There's some quiet shuffling, a drawer being opened and closed before the heavy footsteps grow closer again. The quiet creak of the bed breaks the silence as Shouta quietly climbs on it, shuffling so he rests with his knees on either side of Hizashi's thighs, hovering slightly above him. A finger placed under his chin directs Hizashi's vision up from the hairy thighs surrounding his own, over Shouta's black boxers, broad scar-covered abs and chest, up to the stormy gray eyes that are fixed onto his own. His husband looks over his face with concern, but thankfully, without a trace of pity.
The finger under his chin moves and there's a warm palm placed against his cheek for just a moment, before it's removed. Shouta unlatches the black studded collar in his hands and brings both ends between the blonde curtain of Hizashi's hair and his long pale throat. The buckle is fastened once more, this time keeping it in place around Hizashi's neck. The grip of leather around his throat a reminder that he's wanted.
"Color?" Shouta asks gently.
"Green." Hizashi whispers, keeping his bright green eyes locked on Shouta. He doesn't dare break eye contact first.
Hizashi feels a single finger under the collar at the hollow of his throat, increasing the pressure just slightly. His breathing stutters for a moment, but he doesn't react beyond that. He trusts his husband more than anyone else. Trusts him with his most powerful form of self defense.
Shouta's eyes glance all over his husband's face, as if looking for something. "I love you, Zashi," His deep bass rumbles. He watches as Hizashi's eyes already start to look a bit watery. His hands come up to rest on either side of his husband's jaw so he can lean forward to rest his forehead on Hizashi's. Shouta feels his husband's breath hitch and closes his eyes. He wishes that he was better with words.
This isn't the first time Shouta has seen Hizashi like this. It doesn't happen often, but on occasion his husband gets overwhelmed and the self doubt creeps in. Hizashi will grow quiet and retreat in on himself, letting Shouta know that something is wrong. His husband is usually full of life, doing his best to make everyone's day brighter but there are some that found his constant joy and booming voice to be rather grating on their nerves.
Shouta leans forward again and kisses his husband slowly, softly. It only lasts a few moments before be breaks the kiss. He places another gentle kiss on his forehead, then on both of his cheeks. The last kiss has the taste of salt along with it as he kisses away the first of Hizashi's tears. He knows there will be more.
"I love you Zashi," Shouta repeats as his lips trail down his husband's cheek. "I love you so much."
He moves his hand out of the way and instead places it on the bare skin of Hizashi's thin waist, gently kneading the skin there. He uses the thumb of his other hand to wipe away more tears as his lips make their way under Hizashi's jaw.
He presses more insistently here, opening his mouth and gently running his tongue over the spot, causing Hizashi's breath to hitch again. Shouta slowly adds more pressure with his teeth, gently sucking and worrying a red mark before continuing down the column of Hizashi's neck. Skipping over the black leather collar, he leaves a few more marks dispersed between the soft kisses until he gets to Hizashi's collarbones. Shouta leaves one last kiss right below the hollow of his throat before pulling back.
Hizashi couldn't stop the tears if he tried. They had only just started but it was already too much, but in a way that he only wished would continue. He feels Shouta's other hand leave his jaw as his husband pulls back, but he keeps his eyes closed where they had slid shut when the kisses started.This does nothing to stem the flow of tears as they keep flowing down his cheeks. He feels pressure against his forehead again and he feels Shouta's breath, cold on his damp skin.
"I'm so lucky to have you, 'Zashi. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
Before he even finishes registering what Shouta says, Hizashi is already shaking his head. He breaks contact between their foreheads and blearily opens his eyes, but keeps his eyes averted. He feels Shouta's hand on his waist pause its movement as his husband is silent for a moment.
"Would I lie to you?" Hizashi's eyes stay downcast as he shakes his head minutely. "Then what's the problem?"
"Don't deserve it." Hizashi mumbles. The tears start falling harder as he forces himself to speak up. "I'm not worth it."
Callused hands come back to rest on either side of his face, but Hizashi stubbornly refuses to look at the man in his lap.
"Hizashi. Look at me." His resolve wavers and he glances up at his husband briefly before flickering back down. Shouta sighs and Hizashi feels his heart clench. He knows that he's too much to deal with. He knows that he's overbearing and he grates on everyone's nerves. Most of the time he can ignore their irritated reactions and continue on his way, but there are times when the rejections pile up and it finally breaks through the walls he spent years building.
Shouta continues anyway. "You're absolutely worth it. You're a positive voice in this fucked up society we're in. Other people's opinions of you don't mean anything. They don't know how courageous, and kind you really are. I know though, and I know of the bad parts of you too, but frankly they don't matter to me."
There's a long enough pause that Hizashi finally looks up and keeps his gaze locked on Shouta's. He sees the most fond and earnest expression on his husband's face before his vision goes blurry again with tears.
"I love you so much, Hizashi. You mean the world to me and there's nobody else I'd rather be with."
Restrained sobs finally tear through Hizashi's throat as his husband continues with his quiet praise. He knows that Shouta's trying his best despite not being very good with reassurance. Hizashi feels Shouta's hands slip down his neck and over his shoulders, squeezing him softly as they make their way down his bound chest. His husband's hands smooth down his sides and over his stomach, grounding him as he lets go of all his pent up emotions.
Having Shouta so close and showering him with affection while restrained was unlike anything else. He didn't have to feel like he was forcing Shouta to pay attention to him, anything he was given was entirely up to his husband's discretion. And how much nicer it made everything feel.
Restrained sobs finally tear through Hizashi's throat as his husband continues with his quiet praise. Hizashi feels Shouta's hands slip down his neck and over his shoulders, squeezing him softly as they make their way down his bound chest. His husband's hands smooth down his sides and over his stomach, grounding him as he lets go of all his pent up emotions. Tears make a steady stream down his cheeks as his restraints grow tighter at every inhale, releasing with every shaky exhale. Gentle pressure at his cheeks break the trails, lips softly disrupting them and leaving warmth in their stead.
He doesn't have to worry about feeling like he was demanding his husband's attention, like he was shoving himself into a space he wasn't wanted. The hands gently caressing every part of him are reassurance, the leather around his neck and the cloth restraining him an anchor, and the marks on his neck reminders for later. The weight in his lap balances out the weight in his chest as invisible stitches weave through and around him, pulling all of his pieces securely back into himself.
The cracks aren't erased, the fault lines still present, but with Shouta's voice in his ears and his presence fully surrounding him, he at least feels the knot in his chest start to loosen and he starts to feel whole again.