Work Text:
“Everyone, please look forward to my mixtape.” Hoseok closes the v-live with a smile. He leans back in his chair and sighs. A few moments pass and there’s a knock at his door. He stretches to open it, grinning when he sees who it is.
“Back so soon?” He teases.
Jimin gives a half-hearted smile and Hoseok knows something is wrong.
“You okay?” He closes the door before taking Jimin’s hand, spinning in his chair to face him.
“I feel bad, hyung.” Jimin’s cap obscures his eyes, but the edge in his voice says it all.
“What’s wrong?” Hoseok tries to meet his eyes under the cap, but Jimin looks down, shielding himself from view.
“I didn’t get you anything for your-” his voice catches, “for your birthday.” He ends in a choked off sob that breaks Hoseok’s heart. Hoseok feels Jimin’s fingers slip through his as he pulls his hand away to press it to his eyes.
“Oh Jiminie,” Hoseok stands, laying both hands on Jimin’s shoulders. Jimin takes a step forward and Hoseok wraps his arms around his back.
“It’s okay,” he whispers, “It’s okay, sweetheart.”
“No, it’s not,” Jimin cries. “I should’ve- I should’ve planned better. I- couldn’t decide, nothing felt good enough. And then I- I just feel like I’m not good enough.”
“Oh no,” Hoseok protests softly, “I’m so sorry Jiminie. You’re so much more than enough.”
Jimin shakes his head as much as can, the brim of his cap getting in the way, “No, I’m not.”
Hoseok takes a breath, trying to clear his head and figure out what to do.
“I’m here for you no matter what,” he strokes a hand up and down Jimin’s back, “so what do you feel might help right now?”
Jimin trembles in Hoseok’s arms and when he speaks his voice is pulled taut and punctuated by ragged gasps. “I don’t know. I- I just feel terrible.”
“Do you feel like crying?”
“No.”
“Do you feel like talking about it?”
A sniffle. “Maybe.”
Hoseok knows this might not be the path that leads Jimin out of this tangled patch of anxiety, but he can’t help but feel a bit better that at least Jimin has chosen a path to go down.
“Okay, what if we sit in my chair and I hold you and you do whatever feels right?”
Jimin doesn’t answer right away. Then, “That could be good.” A tiny whisper, but it fills Hoseok with hope.
Getting two large men situated in Hoseok’s studio chair proves to be a bit difficult. And when the dust settles, it’s not very comfortable. All of Jimin’s weight is on Hoseok’s thighs, and Jimin mutters that his circulation will cut off with the way his legs are thrown over the arm of the chair. But for now, it works.
Several minutes pass with Hoseok’s arms around Jimin’s waist. Jimin’s arm around Hoseok’s neck. Hoseok spins them back and forth slowly.
Finally, a whisper. “Could I just say how I’m feeling, hyung?”
“Of course, do you want me to just listen?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I just want to- get it out.”
“Okay,” Hoseok wishes he could see Jimin’s face better, “whenever you’re ready.”
He spins them a few more times before Jimin finally speaks.
“I just feel so useless.”
Hoseok already wants to cry at how resigned Jimin sounds.
“I didn’t think ahead enough to even get you something for your birthday. We already can’t do normal couple things. We can’t tell our parents. We can’t be a couple in public.”
Hoseok squeezes a little tighter to let Jimin know he’s listening, but he doesn’t interrupt.
“I wanted to make it up to you on your birthday by getting you the best present. And I messed that up, too.” He lets out a joyless laugh. “I just feel like a sorry excuse for a boyfriend. And now I’m ruining your birthday by complaining and crying all over it!”
Jimin swiftly dissolves into tears. Hoseok is glad, this is something familiar, a storm he knows how to weather. Jimin has always been quick to cry, always emoted through tears. He holds him as close as he can, rubbing his back, his neck, his knees, anything he can reach that will help ground Jimin as he cries.
After hearing several wet sniffles, he rolls them toward his desk, fumbling through a drawer to pull out a packet of tissues. Something about this must shift Jimin’s flow because when he blows his nose, he lets out the faintest giggle and it’s the sweetest sound to Hoseok’s ears. Jimin goes through the whole packet and by the end he and Hoseok are chuckling quietly together.
He tries to lean his head against Hoseok’s but finds that the brim of his cap complicates things.
“You could take your hat off?” Hoseok suggests.
Jimin pulls a face. “My hair is gross, though.”
“Wear mine then.” Hoseok pulls off his beanie, indifferent to the unkempt mess beneath. He’s even glad for it when the sight makes Jimin laugh.
Jimin tosses his cap aside and pulls the black beanie on. Sadness spikes through Hoseok’s heart at seeing Jimin’s eyes red and puffy from his tears. He feels better when Jimin leans his cheek against his hair, listens to him take deep, rattling breaths.
“Do you want to hear the outro for the mixtape?”
Jimin perks up, “You finished it?”
“Yeah.”
“I’d love to.”
Even with only one hand, it’s not hard for Hoseok to navigate to the file he needs. He presses play and sits back, listening to the first chords fill the studio. When the final notes have drifted away, he presses pause.
“What do you think?”
Jimin exhales softly. “I like it a lot.”
“Really?” Hoseok tilts his head up so they’re face-to-face.
“Yeah,” he smiles, and it reaches his eyes. “Didn’t you say this was the song you wrote years ago?”
“Uh-huh.”
“It’s about nostalgia, right?”
“Yeah, kind of.” Hoseok starts to slowly spin them again. “Going back to when I was younger, when things felt simpler.”
“Would you really want to if you could?”
“Go back in time 3 years? Probably not.”
“How come?”
Hoseok thinks about how to phrase his thoughts. “Well, it’s not like 3 years ago was really a simpler time. We were busting our asses working on The Most Beautiful Moment in Life. We still weren’t sure if we would ever ‘make it’, you know?”
Jimin nods, remembering.
“I guess I’d rather face new problems than relive old ones.”
Jimin is quiet for a moment. “Yeah, that makes sense.”
“What about you?”
Jimin sighs. “I wouldn’t go back either.”
“No?”
“No. Just the thought of going through everything we went through again sounds exhausting. I couldn’t stand knowing every difficult, shitty thing that was heading our way.”
Hoseok doesn’t bother countering with the fact that Jimin would know every wonderful thing too. It’s not an argument, and he doubts it would be helpful.
So instead he says, “Yeah, that would suck. Also, another reason why I wouldn’t go back…”
“Hm?”
“I wouldn’t have you.”
As he hoped, Jimin snorts at the cheesy line. And a moment later, he presses a chaste kiss to Hoseok’s temple.
“Could you play it again?”
“Of course.”
They listen to it a few more times, and Hoseok thinks this smooth, bittersweet song is exactly what he needed. He wonders how Jimin feels now that he seems to have calmed down.
“You know,” he turns the song down, letting it fade into the background without vanishing entirely. “I think it’s about more than nostalgia, it reminds me about all the good things that were in my life back then. Even if it was just a blue sky. And for that, I don’t need to go back in time.”
Hoseok turns to look into Jimin’s eyes. “Because I have so many good things in my life now.”
Jimin holds his gaze.
Even though Hoseok meant what he said, he knows Jimin could end up riding it into a spiral of self-doubt. Even if he does, though, Hoseok will always keep him company as he climbs back out.
None of that happens now, though. It might happen tomorrow, next month, every day for a week, or 10 years down the road. But now, Jimin cups Hoseok’s cheek in his hand and asks him for a kiss.
And in between soft kisses, Jimin can’t stop talking.
“I’m sorry, hyung,” he whispers against Hoseok’s lips. “You’re the best boyfriend I could ask for, you make me so happy,” he moves to press the words into Hoseok’s jaw. “I just want to be enough for you.”
“You are, everyday you are. I love you so much, Jiminie,” Hoseok gasps.
“I’m trying,” Jimin pulls back, smoothing a hand through Hoseok’s hair. “I promise I’m trying to understand, to feel enough.”
“I know you are,” Hoseok covers Jimin’s hand with his own. “It’s a long journey, I know. But I promise I will stay with you as long as you want me, and I will help you however I can.”
Jimin slumps against him again. “Thank you for everything, hyung.”
“I should be saying that to you.” Hoseok murmurs with a kiss to Jimin’s cheek.
“Hyung?”
“Hm?”
“I need to move, but I can’t feel my legs.”
Hoseok laughs softly, “Here…”
He helps slide Jimin’s legs over the arm of the chair and holds him by the middle to keep him from collapsing onto the floor. Jimin bends his knees a couple times, wiggles his feet, and it’s the cutest thing Hoseok’s seen all day. Jimin stands up and Hoseok expects him to say he’s tired and ready to head back to the dorm. To his surprise, Jimin climbs back into his lap, straddling his legs. Automatically, Hoseok’s hands settle on his thighs.
“Hoseokie-hyung?”
“Yes?” Hoseok can’t believe he already sounds so breathless.
“Can I kiss you again?”
Hoseok just nods, already dying for Jimin’s lips.
This kiss is indistinguishable from their previous ones. For starters, Jimin waits half a second before he licks at Hoseok’s mouth, asking for more. And Hoseok is not one to deny something he wants just as bad.
He can hardly hear the music over the sound of his own heavy breathing, or of Jimin shuddering as their tongues glide together. His hands roam up Jimin thighs, sliding around his waist and up his back to pull Jimin closer.
He revels in the moans that come from somewhere deep in Jimin’s chest. And every time he can’t hold back his whimpers, Jimin seems to hold him closer, tighter. Hoseok doesn’t know when Jimin started rolling his hips against him. He slides a hand down to Jimin’s ass, eliciting a sweet whimper that he drinks up like nectar.
Just when his jeans are becoming uncomfortably tight, Jimin breaks the kiss to pant into Hoseok’s ear.
“Hobi-hyung, can I give you a small present now, before the real one?”
Having no idea what he could mean, Hoseok nods, “Sure.”
“Can I blow you?”
Hoseok blinks. “Are you sure?” The unspoken hangs between them. Jimin just had an anxiety attack.
He remains resolute. “I’m sure. But we don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just- since we’re here. And I want to.”
Hoseok thinks for a few moments. “Okay,” he decides. “If either of us want to stop, we say so.”
“Of course,” Jimin nods.
They stare at each other for a second.
Jimin’s mouth flattens into a line, “Alrighty here I go…”
Hoseok laughs, it sounds loud in the small space. It sounds like music to Jimin. “Just kiss me,” he giggles.
Jimin does with such passion that they nearly fall backwards and that just sets off another round of giggles.
When the laughter subsides, Jimin discovers that Hoseok is still hard in his pants. He palms him gently, mouthing at the side of Hoseok’s neck, working him up. Hoseok is in bliss, but the roughness of his jeans is becoming unbearable. He lets out a whine when the hand against him presses too hard, and then the warmth in his lap is sliding down to his knees.
Jimin makes quick work of Hoseok’s jeans, and Hoseok sighs when they’re finally off. He strips off his shirt, shivering in the cool air and bunches it at his feet. Something to protect Jimin’s knees from the unforgiving floor. Jimin gives him an appreciative smile, as he kneels between Hoseok’s legs.
Nearly naked, Hoseok feels insanely exposed, but he kind of likes that Jimin can see how much he’s affected. All he wants is for Jimin to know how much he loves him.
“Ready?” Jimin presses a kiss to Hoseok’s thigh.
“Look at me,” Hoseok huffs.
Jimin grins and then he’s sliding Hoseok’s underwear off too. He wastes no time, doesn’t bother teasing Hoseok like usual, just takes him into his mouth and proceeds to suck the life out of him.
Hoseok claps a hand over his mouth, his chest already heaving as Jimin takes him apart. He doesn’t plan on lasting long, doesn’t want to. And when he looks down into Jimin’s eyes -deep dark eyes, sucking him in as much as his mouth- he knows he can’t.
Only a few more minutes of hushed moans and cries for more, there, like that, and Hoseok is gone.
As he catches his breath, he notices one of Jimin’s hand suspiciously hidden from view. He urges him up and back into his lap, pleased to see his beautiful boyfriend is affected too.
“Can I?” he asks.
Jimin nods and when Hoseok makes him come, feels his body tremble, hears his sighs of pleasure, he thinks this is the best birthday gift he could have received: Holding each other, murmuring sweet nothings and ‘I love you’ over and over again.
They clean up, stretch out their limbs, and share one more kiss before heading home.
Back to blue side.