Chapter Text
March 1895
It’s odd how one’s life can change in a matter of seconds. A misplaced step results in an ankle that’s never the same. A split-second decision in a coach shakes the foundation of your beliefs. A family dinner turns into a race to the hospital. It’s impossible to determine when these events will occur or how they will affect you until after they’ve already happened. Sometimes it takes months to notice how you’ve changed. Sometimes it takes years. Sometimes, rarely, it takes only seconds for you to become a new person.
The brisk night air whipped at the cheeks of a woman cloaked in shadows, turning them to a light shade of pink. She knew that her husband wouldn’t be home until the early morning hours and her two sons were asleep, so she took the chance to test a theory.
To say that my relationship with my husband was loveless would be a lie. He loved me. I loved him, but they were two different kinds of love. He would die for me; he would risk life and limb to see that I lived a happy life; he found me magnificent and wanted to spend the rest of his time in my arms. I found my husband to be a good man. He was moderately handsome in the early years and never did wrong by me. I trusted him. I settled, but the spark was never there. The true love that my novels wrote about never seemed to be in reach. The passionate midnight love-affairs that my neighbors spoke of never felt right. There was no love at first sight. He and I met in elementary school where I showed no interest in him and he seemed to have fallen head over heels for me. Over the years, we grew closer and, eventually, he asked me to marry him. I couldn’t say no to the man who stood by me my whole life. The kids came soon after the marriage. Eventually, we fell into a rhythm, and I was content.
Recently, however, the woman’s eyes had been wandering. She made a vow to never look or even think about another man when she married, but that didn’t stop her from looking elsewhere. That’s how she found myself outside of 153 Sinna Street with sweaty palms in the cold night. You’re just testing a theory, she thought, it could be completely wrong. The figure steeled itself, smoothing the wrinkles in their dark dress. It was time to go in.
A fist knocked swiftly on the door while the woman quickly peeked over her shoulder for onlookers. To be seen now would ruin everything. She waited for what felt like ages until there was finally a response. The door swung open to reveal a completely different universe. Most women were wearing pants and suspenders with their hair tied up in intricate updos. They crowded the walls with fanciful drinking glasses in their hands and wide smiles on their faces. Other women took up the center of the room, swaying to the music; their eyes were lit up like stars in the night. Everyone looked truly happy. She felt significantly out of place at that moment.
“Good evening” a confident voice said from the doorway. The guest hadn’t even noticed the woman who opened the door. The new woman was shorter than her even with her heels on, but a glance would never show such a short stature. She held herself with such confidence, and who wouldn’t with cheekbones like that and a body of such grace. All her features were sharp, like a predator hunting for its prey, but she gave off no aura of intimidation. The woman was wearing a black dress, much more ornate than the visitor’s, that reached the floor. It was puffy like most regal dresses but was tight in all the right places. She smiled and a crinkle formed between her brows that made the other woman feel the urge to reach out and touch. All her previous sharpness had melted away. “First time?” the woman standing on the porch registered the words but couldn’t muster a response immediately. The whole situation felt too overwhelming. “I’ll take your silence as a yes. Please, come in.” she didn’t really have a choice as the presumed owner interlocked their arms and pulled them both inside.
The house felt even more overwhelming once inside. The large living room somehow felt constricting with all the bodies. Women smiled and nodded as the pair passed, to the mysterious newcomer or to the owner, neither knew. The guest felt sweat starting to gather at her forehead even though the temperature remained remarkably cool. She’d never felt like this before. Too much were the only words that came to mind. As soon as the panic began, however, it was over. The mystery woman had brought them into a hallway with a stairwell. She suddenly stopped and turned around before the other processed much of what was happening.
“I realize the main den can be quite overwhelming sometimes. It’s best to acclimate yourself with a few people before diving right in.” she held eye contact the entire time she spoke. The stare of her green eyes made the other woman want to shrink in upon herself. Why did I panic at a simple party? She could feel a blush creeping its way up her neck and into her cheeks. “Let’s start simple,” she continued, “I’m Lena and you are?”
“Kara. I’m sorry for being such a mess. This is all so new to me.” she managed to say.
“Don’t apologize. I’ve seen that look plenty of times to be able to spot it a mile away.” she responded, placing a hand on Kara’s shoulder. The contact felt so foreign and exhilarating.
“What look?”
“The look of a lost animal who just wandered into a slaughterhouse.” Lena laughed. It was a beautiful laugh. “Anyway, would you like to accompany me to the kitchen? I am absolutely parched.”
“I’d love to.” Lena looped her arm back through Kara’s in a gesture that seemed almost practiced. Kara wasn’t used to the friendliness being displayed. Lena guided her into a large dining area then into a smaller back room before she could even finish taking in the warm browns and reds of the decor. The small room was clearly the kitchen, but it was not made for show like the rest of the house. A wood stove sat in the corner and shelves of ingredients dotted the walls. It felt much less welcoming.
She seemed to see Kara’s confusion and offered an explanation, “The good stuff isn’t set out for the guests just yet.” Then, she reached into a cabinet with the kind of confidence that only someone who’d done this hundreds of times would have and pulled out a dark green bottle marked with a skull.
“Well that’s intimidating.” Kara half joked.
“It’s absinthe, very strong.” Lena said as she held the bottle reverently.
“Don’t you have guests to entertain? Should we really delve into the hard liquor so early in the evening?”
“Maybe not, but who’s here to judge us?” she sarcastically asked, gesturing the bottle around the room. Kara didn’t exactly have an argument for that.
“Well, I have to be honest about something,” Kara began. Lena lowered the bottle and listened patiently for what she had to say, “I’ve never had alcohol before.” Lena looked shocked for a moment, the wonder then amusement passing visibly across her face.
“You’ll be in for a fun evening then, but maybe we should start you on something a little less,” she paused, looking for the right word, “toxic.” She then set the absinthe carefully back in its place and offered her hand to Kara’s again. Kara looked at the extended hand for a moment before taking it and allowing herself to be guided out of the room.
“You know, you’re a very physical person.” Kara remarked as they stopped by the dining room table that was littered with abandoned glassware. Lena smiled as she found two untouched glasses and began pouring them what Kara assumed was champagne.
“I suppose I got it from my father. He was a very loving man.” she turned around and placed a glass in Kara’s hand. Kara nodded to her response while she investigated the golden liquid in front of her. It won’t hurt to try. She gently sipped it and was surprised at the carbonation. Otherwise, the drink tasted decent. She looked up to see Lena with a smirk firmly planted on her face.
“What?”
“Nothing. It’s just, I’ve never met someone who looked at champagne like it was an alien object.” she laughed. Kara blushed, embarrassed that she wasn’t as ‘cultured’ as the rest of the people in attendance. Seeing the look on her face, Lena quickly said, “It’s not bad; It’s kind of adorable actually.” This made Kara blush even harder and duck her head with a slight laugh.
“I don’t really leave the house that often.” they began walking as they continued their conversation.
“And why is that?” Lena took a sip from her glass and Kara caught a glimpse at the expanse of her neck; the blush fired up tenfold this time.
“Well, I have a husband-”
“Been there.” Lena muttered.
“-and two sons who must be taken care of.” she finished, ignoring Lena’s interruption.
“You sound like a busy woman.” Lena remarked as she made eye contact with another woman approaching the two. The stranger had on a pair of dark brown pants held up by suspenders and a light blue button-up shirt. Her brown hair was swept to one side in a loose braid. She smiled brightly towards Lena and took in Kara with apprehension. Her gait shifted from a relaxed strut to a more stiff gait the closer she got to the pair.
“Who’s your new friend?” she asked once she was within earshot. Her arms crossed over her chest in a defensive stance.
“This is Kara,” Lena’s hand slid to rest on the small of Kara’s back in an almost protective way, “and Kara, this is Sam. Sam is a good friend of mine; she helps to organize these events.” Kara offered a hand and, after a moment of seemingly sizing her up, Sam nodded and took it.
“The party is lovely.” Kara managed, not sure of what to say to continue the conversation. Lena nodded reassuringly, her hand rubbing soothing circles where it rested. Kara didn’t understand the jolt she felt where Lena was touching her but kept her attention focused on this ‘Sam’ before her.
“Sam, be kind.” she chastised with an indecipherable look. Immediately, the other woman’s features softened and her body relaxed. It was like an unspoken conversation had just occurred while Kara waited awkwardly.
“I’m sorry, I simply have the role of protective best friend to play. It was lovely to meet you, but I must go. There is some business I need to attend to.” she finally offered a smile in Kara’s direction making Lena relax somewhat. “Oh, we must certainly talk later Lena.” she offered over her shoulder with a wink. They watched as Sam sauntered towards a woman with short auburn hair in the corner who watched the whole interaction take place. They seemed to pick up a deep conversation as if no interruption had occurred.
“Why would she be protective towards you because of me?” Kara asked as they began to mingle amongst the other partygoers, Lena’s hand still on her lower back.
“Maybe she’s intimidated.” Lena offered. The blonde scoffed.
“That’s ridiculous, I’m the least intimidating person in the world.” she said incredulously. Lena smirked and looked away, taking a sip of her drink.
“I can think of a few reasons why you may present a challenge towards her.” Lena smiled to herself like she was the only one in on the joke, which was true as evidenced by Kara’s bewildered look. Lena then removed her hand from Kara’s back, much to the other woman’s dismay, and smoothed out her dress for no reason other than to calm her nerves. “Why don’t I get us another drink?” she asked even though it was clearly not a question, “You just have a seat over there,” she pointed to an oversized dark couch in the corner of the room, “and I’ll be back in a moment.” Kara nodded and handed her glass to Lena before awkwardly making her way to the aforementioned couch.
This section of the room was secluded from the party. The couch acted as a barrier set between two wooden pillars to form a secondary living room while still being open to the main parlour. No one seemed to have wandered into this area, whether it be out respect for boundaries or just lack of curiosity. It was dimmer in this corner because no candles were lit, but Kara could still make out the names of books on a number of shelves lining the far wall. She personally hadn’t read a book since grade school despite the few littered around her home. They were reserved for when her husband wanted to teach the children or on the rare nights he needed something to throw in drunken anger. Kara reached out and brushed her fingertips across the soft leather of the book nearest to her. The spine bore the words Madame Bovary. Mœurs de province stamped in a sweeping golden font. At that moment, Kara saw the flicker of a candle coming to life out of the corner of her eye. Her hand immediately pulled away from the book like she was a child touching something she wasn’t supposed to.
“Please, feel free to browse my collection.” Lena’s voice came from behind Kara. She had already set the two chutes of champagne on a side table and was moving to light another candle, “Although, much of it is in either French or Italian.” Kara smiled nervously and turned back to the book that originally drew her attention.
“What does this mean?” she says, pulling out the book and gesturing it towards Lena. Lena stepped out of the light to take the book; the orange glow of the candles made her usually dark hair appear an auburn color and Kara thought in that moment that it would look good in any color.
“Well, madame Bovary means madame Bovary and mœurs de province roughly translates to provincial life,” the French words rolled off Lena’s tongue in a way that sent a shiver down Kara’s spine without her understanding why, “It’s the story of a woman having multiple affairs as she tries to escape her mundane life and boring husband. One of my favorites.” Lena accentuated the last phrase with a wink as her hand brushed against Kara’s when she pulled away from the book. She took the few steps back to the couch and sat gracefully, crossing her legs as she reached for her champagne glass.
Kara returned the book to the shelf sheepishly before joining her on the couch. She couldn’t figure out why she felt so warm. It was simply one of many new feelings that arose as the night progressed.
"So why did you take me away from the party?" she asked once she was comfortably seated next to the brunette. The couch pulled her deep into the cushions, and she struggled to find purchase on the soft material. Lena looked on with a small smile.
"What can I say? I wanted you to myself." she punctuated the thought with a sip of champagne.
"Why though? We've just met this evening." It genuinely confused Kara that Lena expressed so much interest in her. She was just a normal woman and Lena was so incredibly kind and powerful and charming and a whole host of other positive adjectives.
"I don't really know. There's just something about that provincial life of yours that is intriguing. Life has, of course, never been so simple for me." she looked lost for a moment before offering another smile to Kara, but it didn't reach her eyes the same way. Kara didn't know if she should be insulted or not. She knew Lena led a lavish lifestyle, but her life wasn't 'so simple' either. Maybe it was the slight buzzing she felt in her whole body or maybe it was Lena's presence, but she felt the need to say something about it.
"Just because your lifestyle is more adventurous than mine doesn't mean that I'm beneath you or that my life is more simple." he face heated up as the words came out. She didn't know why it upset her so much.
Lena was shocked for a moment, her mouth forming an 'o' shape but gathered herself quickly. Her features softened as she began speaking, "Kara, I didn't mean to offend you. I'm jealous, honestly, that you're able to be happy and so," she paused, looking for words, "domestic. It seems peaceful."
It made sense that Lena wouldn't intentionally insult her. She seemed to kind for that, but Kara was in a vulnerable place.
"I'm not exactly happy," she began. Lena dropped her glass from her lips and looked intently at her, "I don't really know what I want in life, but I know that I'm not happy where I am. I just, I need a change, you know?" Kara didn't want to look at the judgement she feared Lena would inflict upon her, so she distracted herself with her half-empty glass.
"I understand." Lena spoke after a moment, "I've been there before, if you'd believe it."
"Really?"
"Yes, I understand what it's like to feel stuck. I know you don't have the resources I have, but there are still ways for you to branch out. This party, for example." Lena gestured vaguely at their setting. She had a good point. Kara just needed to find ways to get out of the house without abandoning her responsibilities as a wife and mother. It could be done. Maybe Lena could help.
"Thank you for talking with me. I don't have many friends or any, for that matter." Lena looked sympathetic. Kara didn't like that look. She felt exposed, vulnerable. Much like when she first came into the house, she began to feel nervous and heated. This time, however, she just downed her drink and gave Lena a too broad smile.
"Another?" Lena asked, looking slightly worried at the sudden bravado of the blonde. Kara nodded and handed her glass to her. This would be alright. She could stay a little longer and make it home easily enough. It would be fine.
****
Lena was remarkable; truly remarkable. Kara had never met anyone who held themselves with such confidence before. Even the women who laughed deeply and smiled freely in the other room couldn’t compare to the presence of Lena. She demanded the attention of everyone everywhere she went. It was like a spell engulfed her entire being that pulled all those present into her orbit and never let them free.
Kara learned over the course of the evening that Lena had a husband who made his wealth during the industrial revolution. He was thirty years older than her and died five years ago. She never missed him. Using his money, she bought a mansion and started having gatherings of influential women on the weekends. Over time, she branched out and the small gatherings turned into full blown parties where women came to escape their husbands and live out their dreams. They could wear pants freely and drink alcohol without fear. Through Lena’s charm and strategic ‘loans’ to suspicious men, these parties had thrived.
By the time the evening was winding down, Kara had completely lost herself to the alcohol she had ingested. She didn’t know exactly what was in her cup, just that it burned and felt nice in her stomach. Kara felt like she was in a bubble: floating in a safe world where voices drifted around but never penetrated, except for one.
“Kara, I must say, it feels like you haven’t been listening since the story of James from down the street. Are you alright?” Lena. Right, Lena was here sitting next to her on a couch that felt too soft to be real. Lena with the smile of an angel and the grace of a god. Lena, who welcomed Kara with open arms to a loving group of women. Lena, who was just close enough for her to reach out and touch but far enough for any of this to be real.
“I’m fantastic.” she hazily replied. There went Lena with that glowing smile again. Why couldn’t my husband do that? Why couldn’t I do that? Kara thought. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?” she took another sip of the champagne she was holding.
“Smile.”
“You’re smiling right now,” she laughed, “And you’re obviously up the pole.”
“Is it so easy to tell?” she leaned in closer for a moment. Kara leaned back until she hit the armrest, not knowing what she was doing. Lena closed her eyes and sniffed the air before moving back away with a grin.
“Indeed, I could smell it on you a mile away.” with that, she suddenly stood and offered a hand to the drunken woman. Kara stared at it for a moment, waiting for her addled mind to catch up with the movement. “I believe it’s time for us to make our exit.”
“But it’s your party. Can you really just leave?” Kara asked. Lena was not particularly normal, but no self-respecting host would leave before theirs guests.
“Look around, darling; everyone that will leave has already left.” the unexpected term of endearment made her stomach flip. It took her a moment to gather herself, but, once she looked around, Kara realized that most everyone had left. There was a woman in a pair of slacks searching through a linen closet before finally coming out with a chemise and a triumphant look on her face. Besides her, a maid, and a figure retreating up the stairs, the house was empty. Kara found it curious that Lena lived with others, but decided not to pry with her hand still hovering in front of her expectantly.
“I suppose you’re right. Where will we go?” Kara tried to stand but fell back down with a huff of defeat.
“I’m taking you home, of course.” Lena answered with a slightly hidden smirk.
“There’s really no need.” she waved a hand and attempted to stand again; no success came of it.
“I beg to differ.” Lena lifted Kara from the couch and held her arm in a way reminiscent of the beginning of the evening. “You’ll never make it home in this state. I have a carriage outside. It would be my honor to escort a fair lady to her home.” Kara saw a cheeky grin flash across the other’s face out of the corner of her eye.
“I suppose I can’t deny such a charmer.” Lena laughed again, and what Kara wouldn’t give to hear it for the rest of her life.
****
The ride passed in relative silence; only the clopping of hooves could be heard. Kara looked out the window at the darkened streets, not recognizing where they were. Her house should have been close, but the streets looked unfamiliar. Maybe it was the champagne and darkness of the night clouding her mind. After all, it was rare for her to be out at those hours.
“Are we almost there?” Kara asked. Maybe she had given the coach the wrong address and they were in the wrong town. Her stomach began to churn with anxiety at all the possible outcomes. Suddenly, a warm hand rested on her’s, and the anxiety melted away.
“Relax. We’re taking the scenic route.” she looked up to catch the ghost of a wink coming from Lena. The fear felt just moments ago should have been present, but she relaxed without question. Lena’s presence did that to her. True to her word, they arrived at Kara’s house within the next ten minutes. They sat at the end of the winding driveway for a moment, neither of them wanting to move for fear of breaking the moment.
“I had a lovely evening.” Kara managed. She thought that speaking would ease the tension, but it only seemed to increase. Lena smiled warmly as Kara turned to exit the cab without another word. As her hand reached the door, however, she felt another on my forearm. She turned back to Lena expectantly as she seemed to be gathering her thoughts.
“Why did you come?” a crease formed between Lena’s brow as if it was hard for her to ask such a question.
“Excuse me?”
“Why did you come tonight? I’ve never seen you before and you really don’t seem the type to attend evening parties alone. So, then, what was different about tonight?” her true motive behind the question was hidden like Kara’s true motive for attending. Obvious secrets and unspoken words were abound and could be felt weighing down on the cabin.
“I was testing a hypothesis.” the blonde’s eyes begged her not to question further. Some things needed to stay buried. She seemed to have gotten the message when her features softened again.
“Did it prove to be true?” Kara noticed a slight lilt to Lena’s voice as she asked. Somehow, she seemed to know of her predicament. Is it that obvious? Have others noticed? No, this was just her ability to see right through every wall Kara had put up.
“Not enough data yet to sway me either way.” she was begging for it at that point, begging for Lena to see what she couldn’t say aloud.
“That’s unfortunate.” Kara could see right through the weak smile that tried to be charming. She supposed this little experiment had failed.
“Indeed.” Kara nodded and turned to leave the cab for the second time, her thoughts racing at a considerably faster speed. Unlike the first, though, she wasn’t stopped with a hand.
“Will you come back?” she didn’t need to look at Lena to feel the vulnerability radiating off those words. It was a good question. Will I have to courage to come back? Nothing went wrong; in fact, it was the best night of Kara’s life. It may seem simple, but a night away was liberating. Perhaps more data should be gathered. Perhaps she could continue the experiment.
“Of course.” and that was it. The best night of her life ended with a lie.