Work Text:
There are 5 stages of grief:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Peter has lived through this before and knows that what he has felt is normal, doesn't feel normal though. He experienced grief before, way too many times for a 17 year old, or a 22 year old. The time gap was awful. First with his parents but he adapted really well, for him being his age of 6 at the time it was easy. For him at least. Then came uncle Ben and he never felt loss like that, he kept coming home thinking Ben would be there, he went out at Spider-Man and maybe hit the bad guys a little too hard in search of his uncles's killer. Hell he even went to church, dispite being Jewish, he tried asking for Ben back over and over again and again. When he realized he can't he didn't want to get out of bed, everything was too bright and Flash wasn't helping with all of his crude comments. When he finally accepted it and began to move on Mr.Stark was there for him. He took him to Germany, gave him a suit. Spent hours and hours with him in the lab and they cracked jokes and shared meals together, and for the first time in a long time he was able to smile a guinea smile. When May was there she held him together, keeping him sane. Making him feel whole when everything made him feel hollow and weigh a ton at the same time. Those two formed a team together that they were so proud to be apart of. Together they made him feel whole.
So when Peter lost him too, it was too much. May was truly all he had left. He denied it at first. Thanos used the stones twice, Mr.Stark body needs time to heal. Despite there being a funeral it still hadn't got through to him. He got angry, he knew better than to take it out on others. They were grieving too, he took it out on Steve's special made punching bags. Not like he was going to be using those anytime soon. He broke bag after bag without breaking a sweat. When May found him after asking Pepper, she hugged him and held him tight. He crumbled and yelled into her shoulder about why would he do it, there could've been another way. At some point they moved, for the time being. For him to get the help necessary and because May needed the help too. She was finally at the point of admitting she needed help, that is how Pepper knew it was bad. When he tried to get Mr.Stark back, it lead to an argument. He was in Mr.Stark's lab looking for a way to make the stones, thinking of a way to artificially use them without having any sacrifice. When May found out she put a stop to it. It was too dangerous, but he was blind with grief to know. He went to bed that night with that same hollow feeling he dreaded and was hoping to avoid. He didn't wallow in pain though, no this was much worse. He smiled less and less as days go by, sleep less and less and nights passed. Every day getting worse and worse. Eating less and trying so hard to make everyone happy again. He was running on fumes when May came to him in the middle of the night, without saying a word she crawled into bed and held him close. When he did fall asleep it was to soft fingers carding through his hair and gentle hums lulling him further along. Not a single nightmare that night, or any dream that would leave him wanting more in the morning. Dreamless sleep, really let him rest. She did it the next night too. And the one after that, and the one after that as well. For 7 weeks she slept in the same bed as her nephew, massaging his scalp softly and humming gently to songs they both knew and loved. Every night he would sleep with dreams haunting him of the past and leaving him dreading the future. He woke up a little more whole than the previous day. May always made him whole.
When the last stage of grief came it was the hardest one. Peter planned to leave May. For good.
" Sweetie, I know it hurts but you can't do this. " She said as he packed his bag.
" May its the only way to make sure you stay safe. And everyone else here. "
" Sweetie, look at me. " He turns to her. " What you are saying is not true, I know it may seem like that but its not. Leaving will do nothing but hurt us. Its going to just hurt you more sweetie. "
" No May! I. I know that Mr.... Mr...... Mr.Stark is, is gone. I accept that. He would want me to move on. I am. I'm making sure that when I do, no one else dies May. " He can hardly say his name anymore.
" How will this make sure? "
" Everyone I get close to dies May. Everyone I have loved as died May. How do you explain it? First mom and dad, then Ben, now Mr..... Mr...... Mr.Stark. "
" I know its seems like it but sweetie that, what has happened to you but it is nothing more than just god awful events following one another. "
" May, I'm making sure another event doesn't happen. " He says as he zips his bag closed.
" Don't leave me, please don't leave me. Not you too. "
" I'm sorry May, I think this is best. "
" No its not Peter! You aren't the only one who lost someone. When your parents died, I grieved too. They were my family too. When your uncle died, I lost my husband. When Mr.Stark passed, he was my family too. I know I started off hating him for bringing you in but he was right, you can't do it alone. I can't do it alone. He became family to me. You are all I have left, please don't leave me. "
" May I'm leaving because I can't lose you! "
" You'll lose me if you leave! "
" At least you'll still be alive! "
" Not on the inside! "
Silence fills the room as Peter makes a move for the door. May sees her only love leave her life. She can't let that happen. She makes one more plan, hopefully it works.
"WAIT! " Peter lets go of the handle and turns to her.
" When will you be back? "
" I won't May, I'm sorry. "
" You're really going to leave me? "
" To protect you May. "
" If you are then can you do something before you go? " she asks as she moves towards him, she is standing inches from him when Peter thinks she is going to ask for one last hug.
" What is it? " Nothing could prepare him for what May wanted.
" Make love to me. "
" What? " He questions in disbelief.
" It has been so long since I've been loved and you are leaving me. You are the last love in my life, please. If you're going to leave me, love me one last time. "
Peter loves May, she held him together fixed him when he broke from all of his loss. He was going to do what she asked.
" Okay May. " He whispered as he sat his bags on the floor. She pulled him towards the bed and lays him down. She slowly takes off his clothes and the hers. She marvels at his toned body as Peter does the same. She may have aged, but it doesn't show.
They start to kiss, when they first meet lips its soft and barely there. When things move forward it becomes more constant and really full.
She takes no steps in prepping for herself as he is already erect. He flips her over and wants to prep her knowing it can be uncomfortable or even just hurt if he doesn't. When she stops he asks her,
" May, I need to prep you. " he says with a low voice, it sends shivers up May's spine.
" No sweetie. I want to feel everything. Even if it means hurting. " she whispers to him.
Peter knows he will have to be even more gentle now, he never wants to hurt May. But I'm leaving her....
He sinks into her as slow as he can. Even without prep she's still a bit wet, but tighter than anything he can imagine. He just holds still hoping that she isn't in any pain and is used to the pressure before moving. She just wraps her legs and arm around him bringing him close. She's so warm and it surrounds him completely. When he starts to move out, he breath get caught in his throat. He breaths out and gently pushes back in. In a repetitive motion, of slow pulls and soft pushes he gets May to feel loved one more time. May can't help but feel everything is so good, even if its for the last time. She has never felt this loved before. He fills her up both physically and mentally. Giving her what she desires most. Peter may be enhanced but he can't hold on forever, at least what seems to be forever. May doesn't let go and he does, they become one with each other. In a quick motion May flips Peter and starts to slowly ride him, easing herself up and down on him.
" One more sweetie. Just one more please. " She pleads, he responds with a kiss that leaves her breathless.
" One more sweetie. Just one more please. " She pleads again pulling him back down onto her, he responds with a kiss that leaves her filling like she is on a cloud.
" One more sweetie. Just one more please. " She pleads again not letting him go, he responds with a kiss that leaves her reeling for more.
When they both collapse, she holds him close. Massaging his scalp and humming songs the both know and love.
" Just stay the night, you can leave in the morning. " She hopes he stays, she has done everything she could to make him feel whole again. She just hopes she doesn't end up hollow in the process.
When she wakes, he is gone. Bag by the door of the bedroom isn't there anymore.
She wept.
She rose from the bed and made her way to the rest of room. When she leaves to go to the common floor, when she gets there its a beautiful sight. Peter.
He is making her breakfast, she doesn't know where the others are but, she doesn't care. She rushes to hug him. When they break she doesn't see a bag anywhere.
" I'm not leaving. " He says. When he woke, he realized that no one as made him whole like May. He never feels the same with anyone. He doesn't want her to feel unloved, because she deserves love. May has never felt so whole as she does right now, along with the tragedy and losing her nephew, she has him back and more so than ever before. She is whole.
Peter knows that its risky, everything about him brings conflict. He knows that he can't be without her though.
He knows that he can't save everyone. He may not be able to protect May all the time, but he'll be damned sure to avenge her.
" I love you sweetie. " She whispered. He responds with a kiss that leaves her feeling whole.