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Trini says It's nice to just lie there, you know, just lying still, watching as the world passes by overhead. Just to sit there and watch the shades of the sky, wondering how something can somehow be so bright and bold, yet so soft and calm. She wonders if anyone else even cares. How many other people care enough to just stop and look at the sky?
She sits and watches the clouds gently float along the sky, following along, wherever the wind wishes them to be. As they journey behind the far off mountains, the ones dipped in snow and scattered with patches of evergreens. And the other mountains, the ones that stand as jagged and just grey expanses of rock and pastures of green, yet oh so noble and proud. Oh, how she envies that feeling.
It's quiet here, Trini thinks, but a good kind of quiet. The kind where she can choose to get lost in the hushes of bird songs in nearby trees or in the lull of gentle crystal waves down below the pier, instead of the noise in her head. It is peaceful, just to lay there, leg propped, feeling the cool evening breeze graze her face and hands as fingertips run circles on the familiarly rough pink fabric, draped over her shoulders. It was a abbgy hot pink hoodie. Her hoodie.
Right there, in that moment, it feels okay. The silence is welcoming, and it smells... it smells like home; familiar, comforting and safe. And maybe, even just for that short while, she felt like everything was just... Okay.
But moments don't last forever. The sole of her combat boots dug into the worn wood, as she let her thoughts come back. She let the memories come back. Trini thought of her sprint here, the crunch of leaves and the uneven dirt. She thinks back to the burning in her lungs and the cries of her calves as she kept a relentless pace. She remembers the layer of salt water on her face, a mixture of sweat and tears that managed to escape out onto her face. She still feels the aching buzz on her face, and remembers the sound of sickening skin-on-skin contact.
But then again, nothing in her life is ever really 'okay', is it?
***
They were screaming at her, again. It was like clockwork by now, Trini had learned. Every day, at around 5:30 pm she'd be called down for a family dinner, they'd all eat in silence, then June, her stepmother, would try to make conversation. That would all turn to shambles when either June or Trini's father, Emilio, would mention one of her many, many flaws.
Every day it seemed to be something new. Some new reason why. Another reason to hate her. Usually, it's about how she dresses or her lack of friends, ('Why don't you try a dress tomorrow Trini?' or 'You'll never find a man looking like that, sweetie' or even, 'You'll never make friends acting like this, you drive them all away' ) They'd even accused her of doing drugs on more than one occasion.
But this time, this time was by far the worst of them all.
Rumours were being spreading around school about her being gay. No biggie. She couldnt possibly care less about what others on school thought about her or her sexuality. It was her buisness, and no one else's.
But at home this was another matter. If her dad ever found out- no that wouldn't be good. At all.
But, of course, fate always finds a way to screw you over, doesn't it.
Dinner that day was quieter than usual, more awkward and tense than normal. And Trini knew she was in for it today. June seemed almost nervous all dinner, and when they'd finished eating she ushered the boys upstairs to play with their Power Rangers toys and promised them dessert if they didn't come downstairs until she called for them. Trini made a move to leave, but Emilio just asked her to stay for a moment. She stood still, took a deep breath and prepared herself for today's lecture, whatever it was about.
"Mija, what's this?" He asked, his voice monotonous and almost... cold. She turned around to see him holding out his phone, she looked at it and there was a picture of her... and Kim.
The boys were there too, Jason and Zack were behind the pair, laughing and messing on and just being plain idiots (basically they sat back to back making finger guns), Billy smiled on the left of the pair, his latest device in his hands as he tinkered. Trini was in the middle, she had papers and notes on her right leg, (she offered to help Billy with his project) and Kim's legs hanging over the other. Trini had her arms wrapped around Kim's waist and her face pressed to her cheek, giving the taller girl a kiss there. Kim, had her arm draped over her shoulder and was gently playing with the tips of her hair, died slightly blonde. She had a goofy smile on her face and a hint of a blush playing across her visible cheek.
She remembered that day, she and Billy had been working on something for the ship so that they could enter and stay dry, when the boys jumped onto the table (literally, sitting on the table they were working on) so the pair simply turned around and worked on their laps while the boys acted stupidly behind them, then Kim came over and just took a seat, right there, legs over hers, Trini moved them off of one so she could at least use one as a table. Then Tommi appeared and said the five looked cute like that and demanded that they posed for a photo. Kim, who already had an arm over the girl's shoulder, tugged and told her to pose, so she did.
They'd only been dating a few weeks or so and had only told the gang, the rest of the school be damned, it was none of their business and why should they care. But, Apparently Tommi had posted the picture somewhere and it had gotten back to her dad, with a caption saying, "Did you know that your daughter is dating a girl?"
Shit
"Papi... It's just a stupid picture. I-"
"Kim, that's her name, right?" Her dad cut her off,
"We've seen you hanging around with her, recently. we didn't say anything because we were excited that you had friends.-" June starts,
"But this," Emilio cuts her off, "isn't what we meant." He spits.
Trini tries to play it off, "Kim's my friend, like Tommi and the boys are. They're my friends. It's just a stupid picture-"
But they have none of it. Voices raise, and spits turn to spats; everybody tries to make their words louder than the last.
The entire argument was Emilio and June spouting phrases like 'you can't see her again' or 'it's unnatural', but it's more Emilio screaming at her and June timidly agreeing, then Trini yelling back. Shouts intensify, and slurs grew more angry and heated. All the while, Trini hadn't even confirmed that she was dating the girl.
Then things took a turn for the worst, "You're crazy and delusional. Just like your mother." Emilio growled,
"I'm not crazy! And Mom? She lost it because you had to go and be a walking douche bag stereotype and went and started fucking other women, behind her back, while she was taking care of your kids! You didn't even care about us! You never have-"
Emilio didn't reply, but he slapped the girl, right across the cheek. He grabbed the girl and threw her against the wall. A hand on her arm. A finger waving in her face. "Your mother was crazy before I had any affair! She started to go crazy the day you were born!" he spat in her face, his voice lined in venom.
Trini felt tears welling in her eyes as her father screamed at her, telling her that she was the reason her mother was in a mental hospital two states away. By now June was trying to pry him away from the girl, clearly realising that he had taken it too far.
She managed to move him but he threw her across the room. Trini wriggle to move out of his hold and just enough for June to tell her to run. So she did. She ran out of the door with no jacket, prickling tears and a stinging red cheek.
***
She'd found the spot a few weeks earlier, on a walk with Kim. It was a Saturday and they'd already finished their detentions and ranger training and had decided to spend some time together instead of with the group. Don't get her wrong, she loved the other four rangers like her life depended on it, but the pair was only ever really alone was during biology class, cuddled on the couch in Jason's basement while the 6 had their weekly movie night or sitting practically on top of each other during their bonfires when no one really wanted to go home, but even then they weren't really alone.
They were a new couple, and wanted to spend some time alone, just to be with eachother.
The two decided to go for a walk along the mountain path, away from town and Kim decided to wander away from the trail. They ended up coming across a gorgeous clearing with a perfect view of the mountains, complete with a few trees and a lake with a pier stretching out into it. They both thought it was beautiful (despite Trinis teasing about how they could have wandered into a clearing where a serial killer was waiting with a chainsaw, Kim just laughed).
The couple explored and discovered the pier seemed long abandoned, but pretty stable. They stayed there, lying sprawled along the wooden frame, talking about everything and nothing at all, stealing a few chaste kisses here and there and enjoying the others company, until it got late and Trini had to go home or 'risk the wrath of the step-monster'.
Since then, the clearing became Trini's safe place. Her and Kim has wandered back a couple more times since their little date, but Trini went everytime she needed an escape. Before detention, after training, after an argument at home, or just a really shitty day at school. She went there, since everyone in the group already knew about her yoga spot on the cliffs.
It was the fouth time this week she had come here, and it was Friday. She usually snuck out after receiving her daily lecture and stayed there a while, alone with her thoughts, drowning them out with the happy memories and beautiful scenery that was left there.
But this time was the first time she asked Kim there.
She arrived, breathless, teary eyed and panicking. Sometimes she needs to be alone. But other times, she's scared of the things her own mind can tell her. She didn't want to be alone this time. She needed someone. She needed someone to distract her from her spiralling thoughts. She needed Tommi or Kim or one of the boys.
She called Kim. Kim picked up after the second ring, sounding slightly groggy. She was probably having a nap or something. She rushed out a string of apologies between heavy breaths. She barely managed to form a sentence, but Kim managed to catch onto the strained mumbles of 'clearing' and a 'need you'
Kim was there in 5 minutes. 5 minutes after the call, the girl in pink appeared, spare hoodie in hand. She wordlessly held her girlfriend, quietly shushing and comforting, placing delicate kisses on to the crown of her head followed by gentle variants of "it's okay" and "I've got you."
Eventually, Trini calmed down and Kim sat the pair of them onto the pier, draping the hoodie over the smaller girl's shoulders. Kim knew, when her girlfriend called her up, sobbing and panicking, she'd need a little comfort, so she grabbed her closest jacket and her favourite hoodie and ran out the door, without so much as a second thought. (her favourite hoodie also happened to be her girlfriend's favouote, for that exact reason)
Trini didn't talk. She just looked into the water and the skies above, replaying what happened but trying to get lost in her surroundings instead. She watched the clouds roll by, she listened to the leaves rustle, and she toyed with the hem of the fabric.
The hoodie hot pink, the zip was broken and the strings were frayed, but it was comfortable and it smelled like strawberries and vanilla and Kim. She wore it all the time around the house, finding comfort in the old material that was perhaps a little too small (despite being very oversized when she bought it at age 13).
That's why Trini liked it so much. (Kim also knew this and secretly adored her for it)
Kim decided to sit down next to the girl, as she shuffled down to the edge of the pier, but didn't push her to talk.
She simply laced their fingers togetejr and gave her a soft smile, knowing her girlfriend would talk when she was ready to.
Eventually, Trini lay down, and stared it no the empty sky, now painted purple by the setting of the sun behind then mountains. Kim, wordlessly, did the same.
By now the shock was wearing off. Trini began to replay what happened over and over again on a loop in her brain, her fingers still fiddling with the cuff of the jumper. Tears began to well up in her eyes again, but his time Kim decided to break the silence,
"Hey. What happened?" she whispered, as she wiped away a tear that spilled it's way out.
Trini didn't know how to reply.
"That bad, huh? What was it today?" she tried again, her eyes never leaving the other girl.
"You."
Kim stiffened slightly, but didn't let go of her hand.
Trini let out a shaky breath"That picture the other week, wheew the boys were goofing off and you were practically in my lap," she turned to look Kim in the eyes, "Dad saw it. And uh, he didn't take it well."
It was then Kim noticed the reddening on the girls cheek and she knew what happened.
"she yelled at me too, but he- he was so angry. I've neve seen him like that before. He told me I'm crazy. That I'm just like my mother, sick in the head. I bit back but he didn't like it. She had to pull him off of me." she told her, choosing to look at their hands in her lap instead of her girlfriends eyes.
Kim just let out a barely there "oh"
"yeah." Trini rested her head on Kim's shoulder.
She tried so hard not to cry.
She didn't usualy crying in front of people. if showed them she wasn't as strong as she pretended to be, but it was different with Kim. She allowed herself to be vulnerable around the girl, she felt safe enough to do so.
But that wasn't why she was trying so hard to keep the tears at bay. She didn't want to admit how much he hurt her. She didn't want to admit that her father's words stung, that they affected her so much.
But streams flowed down her cheeks anyways.
Kim, reached out to her face and swiped away at the droplets and kept her hand there, cupping the girls face. Trini kept on crying.
This time, Kim leaned forward and pressed the gentlest of kisses to her cheek before moving her hand down around the girl's waist, keeping her in a gentle but secure embrace. Trini rests her head on the taller girl's shoulder, again, and let out all she was keeping in, but she hardly even made a sound as sobs wracked through her body and died in her throat.
A while later, the tears stopped flowing but a comfortable silence washed over the two. Kim still wanted to find out why her girlfriend was so upset, but she was more than content to hold her while she fought the demons in her brain.
When Trini calmed down and came to her senses all she felt was Kim. She smelled her shampoo and body wash on her shoulder and neck, she could feel her drawing idle patterns on her side and she had ended up gripping on so hard to Kim's pink shirt so hard that she's sure to have stretched it out of shape, but right then neither of them really cared that much.
The smaller girl lifted her head off of Kim's shoulder, so Kim turned her head to look into the her eyes. Trini gently bumped their foreheads together.
"Thank you, Kim. For coming" she whispered with her eyes closed, too afraid to
open them again. After a beat with no reply, she continued on, "it was just so much worse this time. I'm ... so glad that you're here with me. I... I don't know what I'd do without you."
She opened her eyes to see Kim's were closed, she was just being in the moment, so Trini leaned forward and ghosted her lips over Kim's, who leaned forward, looking for actual contact with the girl.
After a minute or so, Kim pulled back and gave her a hug, and Trini pulled her as close as possible, nuzzling down into the crook of her neck.
"I'll always be here for you, Trin. Always."
Trini hugged her tighter.
After all that was said and done, her mind began to wonder again. Maybe things would be alright again. Maybe Kim was the answer. With her, maybe she'd be okay someday.
But for now, this was what she needed.