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Sehun looked at the sleeping form next to him. He was beautiful, his cute face with his button nose to the softest noses he made and how he was curled into himself, holding onto sehun's hand.
Jongin looked so soft, and pure. It sometimes seemed like kai and jongin where different persons, and in a way, they where. While kai danced all he vibrated was pure sex. His facial expressions, his moves, everything about kai was stunning. But jongin, when his face was clear from all the make up and his hair laid down softly, was just so angelic.
Unfortunately enough jongin wasn't pure, and sehun was accountable guilty for that. They had been in a relationship for more than a year now and at the beginning he didn't know that jongin was asexual. He never told and sehun had never expected it. Sure, jongin never made the first step for sex but he also never stepped out.
But a face was easy to disguise from uncomfortable and pleasure. And jongins face definitely didn't look like he was pleasured. At first sehun thought they did something wrong, like he didn't prepare good enough. But no matter what sehun tried, jongin never looked or felt comfortable.
One time after sehun had fucked him as good as he could, and jongin still looked out of it, he asked him. In the daze jongin had answered honestly. He didn't enjoy sex. He didn't want it. He was asexual.
It was like a brick fell down in sehuns stomach. Not because it meant no more sex but because he had all this time fucked someone who didn't want it. He had basically raped his boyfriend in a way. Sehun had never had a worse night. While jongin was laying asleep in the same bed, sehun laid as far away as he could. He was a horrible human being.
The next morning jongin didn't remember what he said but sehun did. He couldn't think of anything else, the words repeating itself in his head again and again.
"I don't like sex in general, hunnie. I'm asexual. I... i don't want it, sehun, but you do right? You love my body, right?"
Sehun felt like trowing up and jongin quickly noticed something was off. When sehun confronted him with what happened the night before they both cried, apologized and cried some more.
Things changed after that. Sehun treated jongin like a glassdoll, like he could break if sehun only made the slightest sexual or rough move. And even though jongin felt like sehun was going overboard, he secretly enjoyed it a lot.
But sehun was and is a boy with hormones and testosterone. And the frustration that came with that resulted in some big arguments. In no way sehun wanted to feel jongin like that again but he was men with needs.
Jongin knew that and had said that maybe sehun could try it with someone else. Take a sex buddy. Sehun had said no immediately but weeks became months and he needed something different than his right hand.
But when he said the earlier night had been the most horrible night out of his life that night was maybe even more horrible.
They had discussed it for a long time. Sehun would go to a bar, pick someone up and have a good time, then comeback home, to jongin, and everything would be fine. But from the moment sehun took a step into the club he had this nagging voice in the back in his head. Sehun had taken a good amount of alcohol before he stepped up at a random boy on the dance floor. They danced for a little while before the boy suggested to go to his place, sehun quickly agreed and the next moment he was standing naked in the strangers home.
That was where the nightmare began. While the boy underneath him cried it out from the sensation, sehun could only hear his voice and see his face. He never felt more guilty and wrong in his life. Fucking a stranger while his boyfriend was sitting in their dorm, knowing what he was doing. He felt like he was cheating what in a way, he was, the only difference was that jongin knew.
And when he came the only thought ringing trough his head was that he had a beautiful, precious, loving boyfriend at home but was in a strangers house because he couldn't keep his dick in his pants.
After that certain night sehun had been laying dry. He couldn't have sex with someone else and even though jongin had said that he could, if sehun wanted to, he absolutely refused. Making love to his lover while he didn't enjoy it. It seemed wrong, it was wrong.
So sehun had found his relieve in porn and just cuddling his cute boyfriend. Because even though he missed sex, looking over to the sleeping beauty laying next to him, he couldn't wish for anything more.